I had to pick up Hailey early from school because she’d hurt her neck, and I thought it was just a pinched nerve but to be safe I took her to the ER and on the form under “Chief complaint with your child” I wrote “SEVERE PAIN IN THE NECK” and then I read it again and accidentally laughed out loud and immediately felt like a terrible person.
Thankfully the doctor was able to give her a shot and muscle relaxers which stopped the pain and he said she had a bad cervical strain, which seems weird because I’m pretty sure your cervix is in your vagina. He also said her parallelogram was spasming but when I told Victor that he thought I was insane, because apparently it was her trapezoid? In my defense, I never took geometry in school and bodies are baffling. Bottom line: My kid is broken but better and I shouldn’t be allowed to be anyone’s mother.
PS. Follow-up to the flooding in our house: They’re going to have to rip out part of the bathroom, which is distressing but for the best. They also have to rip out some damaged floorboards upstairs and downstairs but since most of the house has wooden floors and it’s so old they can’t match the stain properly so they’re going to have to remove most of the furniture in the house, sand all of the floors and refinish them all, which means 3-4 weeks of people in the house and no furniture in the bedrooms or living room or basically any of the rooms I hide in. I tried to get them to just not fix the floors because honestly I’d rather live with the damage than have strangers in the house but apparently it would fuck up the resale value of the house if we don’t fix it. Moving into a hotel or apartment isn’t really an option so I’m now considering putting up a tent in the backyard for Dorothy Barker, the cats and me to hide in during the workday. A tent, a laptop, three cats and a dog. Welcome to the workspace of the future.
I don’t have a good picture for this so here’s a video of my dog jumping in slow motion: