262 thoughts on “I mean, it’s so, so accurate.

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  1. She had a rear end like a luscious pillow and I want to marry her. Which, oddly enough, is how my husband proposed to me.

  2. “She had curves like a tempestuous bedsheet and I longed fondle her.”

    Apparently my author has a thing for fondling the flat chests of angry women.

  3. She had eyes like a tempestuous bunny rabbit and I resolved to teabag her.

    That does not sound like something I would like.

  4. She had knockers like a silken princess and I longed to hire her. That was going really well right up until the end.

  5. She had legs like a luscious bedsheet and I wanted to ignore her.

    Ignoring sounds about right

  6. She had hooters like a luscious pillow and I planned to correct her. Neither my hooters nor my pillows need correcting.

  7. She had a rump like a silken princess, and I needed to booty call her.

    How…romantic?

  8. “She had curves like a soft pony and I thirsted to ravish her.” Ummmm what 😅

  9. She had curves like a soft pony and I wanted to marry her. Yep I’m a children’s book :::sigh::

  10. “She had curves like a soft pony and I thirsted to marry her.”
    Lol!!

    How did he KNOW about my soft pony-like curves????

  11. She had an ass like a(n) expensive popsicle and I pinned to ravish her. Ha ha ha

  12. She had knockers like a wrinkled kitten, and I shuddered to booty call her.

    Wow, even meme generators are mean!

  13. “She had gams like a tempestuous mountain and I resolved to teabag her.”
    Huh. Why can’t men ever learn how to talk to a woman?!

  14. She had curves like a luscious expensive ice cream cone and I lusted to compliment her.

  15. She had boobs like a plump mountain and I resolved to teabag her.

    This sounds soooo like my husband.

  16. Tried both my name (Thomas) and nickname (Marjorie) and was horrified by both. But let me tell you, if I did have a vagina, I would definitely be calling it the “silken princess.” (Thanks, Automatic Male Novelist!)

  17. She had an ass like a shrill popsicle and I planned to ravish her.

    As someone with a huge ass, I feel this isn’t something would ever say about me. haha.

  18. She had knockers like a dewy kitten and I wished to admire her.

    To be honest, this sounds like a love note to my introvert, lesbian lover lol

  19. Either the longer winter has frozen my brain cells, or I’m not figuring out how to do this correctly. There’s five columns. What if a person’s name is 3 letters, or 8 letters? I so confused.

  20. She had a butt like an expensive kitten and I dreaded to marry her.

    I wouldn’t have married you anyway, you loser author.

  21. She had a rear end like a silken princess and I ached to admire her.

    Well, shit, that’s a let down.

  22. She had a complexion like a tempestuous bedsheet and I needed to ravish her.
    Actually, I AM very pale and also dealing with hormonal acne issues right now, so a complexion like a tempestuous bedsheet actually makes some twisted sense.

  23. LOL! I did my one of my friend’s names and it is awesomely terrible: She had knockers like a wrinkled kitten and I shuddered to booty call her.

  24. I hate to be this person, but I think you spelled your name wrong. I’ll show myself out…

  25. She had hair like a luscious fortress and I thirsted to insult her.

    Sounds about right…

  26. “She had a rump like a shrill popsicle and I did not care to fondle her.”

    That’s fine. Good day to you, Sir. I said GOOD DAY!!

  27. She had knockers like a wrinkled kitten and I dreaded to marry her.

    Damn my wrinkly kitten boobs.

  28. “She had a rear end like a luscious pillow and I trembled to marry her”. My boyfriend says this is totally accurate.

  29. As I have the same first name, my comment was the same. The revulsion I feel is all my own, though (or maybe not…)

  30. Sadly… she had eyes like a tempestuous pony and I deigned to admire her pretty much sums up the way all guys have ever seen me…

  31. She had eyes like a juicy pony and I resolved to booty call her. Juicy pony? Hmmmm….

  32. She had a butt like a silky princess and I refused to compliment her…

    WHATEVER BRO! This silky princess wants none of your attention!

  33. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Thank you for this today. I needed a giggle. Mine isn’t as good as most of the others, though.

    “She had a complexion like a juicy princess, and I dreaded to ravish her.”

    I’m afraid this indicates he doesn’t understand the word ravish. He’s missing out.

  34. She had boobs like an expensive tulip and I shuddered to ravish her! LMAO – perfect!

  35. “She had a complexion like a juicy princess and I resolved to ignore her.” Puts me in mind of Violet Beauregarde; I’d ignore me too!

  36. Vicki=She had hooters like a luscious pillow and I planned to correct her. I guess I’m ok with that. Leigh=She had legs like a juicy popsicle and I detested to proposition her. Well, that’s both slightly flattering and just plan mean.

  37. She had legs like a tempestuous princess and I thirsted to emotionally manipulate her.

  38. “She had boobs like a withered princess, and I needed to compliment her.” I don’t think that particular compliment is going to go over the way he hopes.

  39. She had a rear end like a silken princess and I needed to ignore her. Hmmm. I don’t think it works for my name, Mary S.

  40. She had lips like a luscious kitten, and I shuddered to marry her.
    As well you should, bro. As well you should.

  41. She had curves like a luscious pony and I deigned to hire her. (had to go to my middle name to finish)
    At any rate, I suddenly feel like I should be pulling a carriage at Central Park. This isn’t as fun as I thought it would be. 😉

  42. “She had a bust like a shrill popsicle and I ached to fondle her.”

    Can’t argue with that!

  43. “She had legs like a tempestuous mango and I thirsted to ignor her”

    Love it. Thanks!

  44. “She had curves like silken pillow and I wanted to marry her.”
    Well, that’s kinda wholesome and disappointing

  45. She has boobs like a plump berry and I deigned to admire her!

    (had to use part of my middle name, but I dare say this is quite accurate! LOL)

  46. “She had eyes like a juicy popcicle and I wanted to correct her.”
    Hm… Why are my eyes melting?

  47. “She had knockers like a wrinkled kitten and I craved to booty call her!” Have they been spying on me???? How do they know???

  48. “She had mammaries like a luscious pillow and I refused to compliment her.” – well that’s not very nice of him 🙁

  49. “She has a complexion like a luscious tulip and I dreaded to booty call her” – and here I was thinking it was going to be nice .. haha

  50. She had an ass like an expensive kitten and I shuddered to mansplain to her…..
    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

  51. She had calves like a silken mango and I wanted to marry her.
    My calves are AMAZING (silken if I’ve shaved) and the husband LOVES mangoes 😂

  52. She had a rear end like a juicy pony and I thirsted to ignore her.

    Well,that’s certainly…something.

  53. “She had eyes like a tempestuous pony and I had designed to marry her.” Not bad

  54. “She had lips like a silken bedsheet and I thirsted to marry her.” Well now… fans self

  55. I can’t get past “withered bunny rabbit”. Help. I’m stuck. WHO WITHERED THE BUNNY RABBIT!? And why would you proposition it? Hasn’t it been through enough, what with being withered? I need to go to bed.

  56. She had legs like a luscious ghost and I longed to invade her. Hmm…my legs are ghostly white.

  57. “She had mammaries like a luscious pillow and I trembled to mansplain to her”

    Uncanny!

  58. “She had hooters like a silken pony and I resolved to teabag her.” Wow, spooky. My husband is constantly telling me how silken my ponies are.

  59. “She had an ass like an expensive popsicle and I did not care to marry her.”
    Well, thank god, because I’m already married and while my husband does love my ass, he’d never call it a popsicle, expensive or otherwise.

  60. “She had knockers like a silken princess and I longed to raw dog it with her.”
    What a love!

  61. I’m Jenni, just with ‘i’ instead of ‘y,’ so I have the same juicy bedsheet curves but I’m not marriage material: “… he shuddered to marry her.” Not the worst turn down I’ve gotten.

  62. She had eyes like a juicy kitten and I ached to proposition her. What the heck ?? Juicy kitten ???

  63. She had knockers like a wrinkled pillow and I wanted to marry her.
    HEYYYYY! I’ve got DDD Knockers not at all wrinkled but certainly like pillows and I have been competing with Zsa Zsa Gabor for years on this marriage thing, but as she is dead, so is my desire to marry anyone else, EVER, if I get out of the one I’m in without my wrinkled pillow knockers intentionally smothering him in his sleep. Now THAT’S some poetic shit right there.

  64. “She had a butt like a silken popsicle and I ached to correct her.”
    A gentleman who compares my derriere to a frozen treat AND wants nothing more than to tell me why I’m wrong about everything?
    Sign me up, yo.

  65. She had mammaries like a silken waterfall and I longed to ignore her.

    So I apparently have big saggy boobs with lots of silvery stretch marks? And apparently dudes can’t ignore me even if they want to. Ha, but I can ignore them.

  66. “She has a rump like a silken waterfall and I wanted to marry her.” I’m not even sure what to do with this.

  67. ‪She had mammaries like a tempestuous tulip and I deigned to ignore her.‬

    Well, it does accurately asses my success with attracting men (or boys, back in the day)

  68. She had boobs like a plump kitten and I shuddered to grope her.

    …well if that’s not the worst possible thing ever. Condolences to all the other Amanda’s out there.

  69. She had lips like a juicy mountain and I refused to tea bag her (those crevices were full of teeth)

  70. ‘She had eyes like a juicy kitten and I ached to proposition her.’ …. I’m a bit creeped out by ‘juicy kitten’. That’s just not right.

  71. She had a butt like a tempestuous princess and I needed to booty call her.
    Well, okay….. not quite sure how I feel about this one.

  72. She had a rear end like a silken princess and I expected to mansplain to her…
    What’s mansplaining?
    Wait do I wanna know that?
    Probably not.
    To me it sounds like a guy trying to explain something to me using dude-lingo and being completely incomprehensible…
    “I don’t get your mansplanation just used English dammit!!”
    If that’s the actual definition then awesome, if it’s not, don’t tell me because it’s probably gross and I don’t wanna know XD

  73. She had a butt like an expensive kitten and I thirsted to teabag her. Pure poetry. And my butt is EXACTLY like that, btw.

  74. She had a rump like a luscious melon and I lusted to marry her. My rump is my best feature.

  75. She had a butt like a wrinkled princess and I thirsted to ignore her.
    I feel a little sad…… just saying.

  76. “She had a butt like a wrinkled kitten and I dreaded to correct her.”

    Huh.

  77. She had boobs like a bountiful ice cream cone, and i wanted to teabag her. oh dear.

  78. “She had a rear end like a silken princess and I longed to booty call her”

    Now I want to know what kind of rear end does a silken princess have?

  79. She had boobs like a bountiful bedsheet and I longed to manhandle her.

    I like the alliteration of bountiful bedsheet boobs 😂

  80. She had a complexion like a wrinkled tulip and I dreaded to marry her. (That explains a few things.) *snort! Maybe my petals are about to fall off.

  81. “she had an ass like an expensive Popsicle and I pined to ravish her”

    okay…

  82. She had knockers like a wrinkled kitten and I dreaded to mansplain to her.

    I beg your pardon, my knockers are exceptional!

  83. She had a rear end like a silken princess and I detested to ravish her.

    Oh, well, I’m sure I can find someone who will enjoy ravishing me.

  84. She had a rump like a shrill popsicle, and I did not care to fondle her

    . Sounds about right.

  85. She had a butt like a silken popsicle and I ached to her compliment. HA loving all these.

  86. She had boobs like a withered princess and I thirsted to compliment her.

    Yes, compliments please!

  87. She had a butt like a wrinkled princess and I thirsted to ignore her. Excuse me?! Rude!!!

  88. She had mammaries like a tempestuous tulip and I deigned to compliment her.

    I mean “tempestuous tulip” is actually pretty good, though, right?!

  89. She had eyes like a tempestuous pony and I deigned to admire her.
    Probabaly one of the nicest descriptions of myself ever.

  90. This was fun. Mine was
    She had legs like a luscious kitten and I shuttered to ravish her.
    So I have hairy legs? I’m going to go with soft legs instead. Lol

  91. My name only has four letters so I opted for the first of my middle name.
    “She had legs like a luscious ghost and he longed to emotionally manipulate her.”

    That sounds unkind.

  92. She had legs like a luscious bedsheet, and I wanted to ignore her. Yep, accurate. 😛

  93. “She had an ass like an expensive popsicle, anf I did not care to ravish her.”
    Cold.

  94. She had a rump like a luscious melon and I lusted to marry her.

    Apparently my butt is so round it no longer looks like a butt?

  95. She had an ass like a wrinkled tulip and I dreaded to correct her.

    Well, BITE.ME. Mr. Male Author! 🙂

  96. She had a bust like a shrill tulip, and I shuddered to grope her!
    I never thought of my bust as shrill.

  97. She had calves like a juicy bedsheet and I shuddered to correct her.>Damn straight you should be scared to correct me. I’m never wrong.

  98. She had Hooters like a luscious pillow and I planned to admire her. At least he wasn’t all grabby because I almost stopped at Hooters since mine are like luscious pillows.

  99. She had eyes like a juicy kitten and I ached to proposition her…I can’t even…lol

  100. We poor SHE names “She had knockers like a wrinkled tulip” and “and he dreaded to admire her”- well I’d feel the same way about me given that description!!!

  101. She had legs like a bolbouse python and I wanted to marry her.

    I really don’t know what to think about that

  102. “She had a rump like a shrill popsicle and I did not care to fondle her.” Yep. Seems accurate to my love life although it makes my butt sound smaller.

  103. OMGness. I saw this on Facebook and was actually going to write a post about it. So I’ll share mine here instead: “She had a rear end like a tempestuous bedsheet and I longed to compliment her.” (I had to borrow a letter from my middle name because I ran out of letters.)

  104. “She had gams like a tempestuous mountain, and I thirsted to booty-call her.” Hmmm…I do have pretty good legs, but I wouldn’t compare them to mountains. Let’s try my middle name, Colleen: “She had a butt like a tempestuous pony, and I deigned to marry her.” Nope, doesn’t work, especially considering I have concave–no, make that negative ass. Still, it amuses me that “tempestuous” keeps coming up over and over again… 😉

  105. Wait Jenny, shouldn’t your’s be “She had curves like a juicy bedsheet and I shuddered to admire her.” Y: admire (i like it even more!

  106. So I recently found a book called ‘You May Not Tie an Alligator to a Fire Hydrant: 101 Real Dumb Laws, and I just found this law in it and thought you might want to know about it, since it seems like this would apply to you. The law reads that you need a $25 a year license to own a dead alligator. Just seemed like it would be something that you would want to know about, if you don’t already.

  107. “She had knockers like a silken princess and I longed to insult her.” (Sharp left turn there at the end—this is a man with ISSUES…)

  108. “She had gams like a silken lemon and I trembled to marry her.”

    I have no idea where to go with that. 😀

  109. Oops, let’s see what the middle name does. “She had an ass like an expensive popsicle and I pined to ravish her.”

    I’m not getting the popsicle ass thing AT ALL.

  110. So I just went through all the steps, and thought, geez, I got the same thing Jen did. Yeah. My name is also Jen, so that should not really have been a shocker.

  111. She had a badonkadonk like a tempestuous bunny rabbit and I proposed to hire her.

  112. She had knockers like a wrinkled kitten and I shuddered to booty call her… Nailed it. 🙂

  113. “She had knockers like a wrinkled tulip and I deigned to compliment her”

    Okay, that’s…good…???

    🙂

  114. She had calves like a silken melon and I resolved to compliment her. (fairly innocuous I guess!)

  115. “She had a butt like a soft princess and I thirsted to mansplain to her.” Foreplay is dead, ya’ll!

  116. “She had a rump like a silken waterfall and I wanted to raw dog it with her.” Hahahahaha I fucking love this!

  117. She had boobs like an expensive muffin and I shuddered to booty call her…

    Oh dear. LOL

  118. She had a butt like a wrinkled princess and I thirsted to ignore her. That just about sums up my life to be honest…

  119. She had legs like a silken tulip and I deigned to ignore her

    I love the silken tulip legs but I don’t want to be ignored and what is deigned anyway 😆😤

  120. she had a complexion like a wrinkled muffin and i trembled to emotionally manipulate her

  121. I’m a Jennifer, so we have the exact same description. WTF is a juicy bedsheet? Nevermind, I don’t think I want to know.

  122. “She had a rump like a silken princess, & I resolved to booty call her.” I tried my middle name too, & it went basically the same… always a booty call, never a bride, I guess.

  123. Dammit. Am I the only one who got through the name, wondered how Jenny and I had exactly the same description, then realized we share a name? I’m not ashamed.

  124. “She had an ass like a luscious pony, and I resolved to marry her.”

    Haha. Thanks for this amazing laugh. Needed to tonight to deal with a bad case of the sundays.

  125. “She had knockers like a soft melon, and I proposed to marry her.”

    This is pretty accurate actually… 🙂

  126. “She had hooters like a luscious pillow and I planned to admire her.” Well, at least he was polite about it. Lots of men would plan to do more than admire me and my lusciously pillowy hooters. Remember, everyone, September is suicide prevention month. Talk to someone if you’re feeling overwhelmed. tel:1-800-273-8255 Is the national suicide hotline number, and they’re open 24/7.

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