I left my house today to fight for your rights and all I got was a sticker and the chance to change the world.

in Random Crap

I just got back from voting and the line wasn’t bad at all and it was as smooth as usual.  They were running low on stickers because the voter turn-out is much higher than usual (go democracy!) so I printed my own.

(You can print your own here.)

And now as we all nervously watch the results let’s have some fun.  If your name + your last text message is your campaign slogan what would yours be?

Mine would be:

Jenny Lawson: I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR THIS.

Fitting really.

463 thoughts on “I left my house today to fight for your rights and all I got was a sticker and the chance to change the world.”

Read comments below or add one.

  4. PS: I had no idea that posting that Twitter link meant you would end up with a huge-ass picture of me in your comments. Feel free to delete. 😳

  15. Liz Parker: There’s a slight possibility it might be that Friday but I’m leaning towards Saturday.

    lol …

  16. Lisa Rhudy: Playing The “Not My Circus Game” this morning. That’s not very inspiring, is it? I did vote, though, ’cause this is my circus. The shit-flinging monkeys are not mine, however.

  20. “Every time I look at this I think of you.” And that’s why I have to vote! Can’t believe these last texts work so well!

  21. I read “last text message” as “last tweet” and since I’m not on Twitter that meant my campaign slogan would be “Laura Cunningham: SILENCE.”

  22. latenac: he left before you texted

    seems about right. I realized this morning the whole reason I don’t do early voting is so I can get a sticker.

  30. Regan Avery: HaHA! (at least people will know I’m an evil dictator from the outset)

  35. I will never understand those who don’t vote. I get a thrill every time I go to the polls; its why I don’t do absentee (unless I’m out of the country).

  36. Anne: I can’t ask people if our kids can sleep at their house. They have to be invited or it’s rude.

  38. “I was just checking my spices the other day and thought I need to go buy a fresh jar of sage.”
    The campaign slogan for foodies. 🙂

  44. I voted by mail a couple of weeks ago; hoping for positive changes. Wish voting early meant I didn’t have to submit to any more advertising peppered with lies!

  47. Candice Henderson: DOES THAT WORK FOR YOU?
    Read: “it had better because there’s no other option”.

  49. I forgot to say thank you – to Jenny and everyone else who leaves the safety of their zone and gets out there to vote today! You’re heroes. This is right up there with running into burning houses in my opinion.

  51. Kim Lesk: I saw. I think I might need this today.

    I feel like “I might need this today” is kind of my life slogan.

  52. Amanda Stidham – Why do you wait til the last minute big buddy? Isn’t that stressful?

  53. Caroline Reich: OK, great, thanks!

    Not sure what that means, but it could be worse. Yay for voting!

  54. Jennifer A: It was the gov logistics lead sitting here talking work to fred.

    p.s. I’m going to vote after my doc appt today.

  55. I voted and brought my oldest daughter.

    Cassandra Crane: There is no one who can watch my kid tomorrow I wont be there.

  60. As part of my vow to become more involved locally I signed up for working the polls on Election Day. I head in to work this afternoon as an official Election Inspector, leaving early to allow extra time for my own vote casting before I work of course!
    Also, my campaign slogan would be
    Teresa Rothman: I’m making lasagna for dinner, do you guys want some?

  64. Angela Massengale: Rent check get turned in?

    This is pretty much the story of my life…

  75. Jen Lawson: I’ll really be putting this “make and freeze” thing to the test! (I can’t focus on any of my orders today (because, democracy), so I’m cooking ahead for Thanksgiving…been told by a chef/author I admire and respect that much of what we have for Turkey Day freezes beautifully. So I’m cooking my stress away.)

  76. Oops sorry for the double post…still tired from my morning constitutional
    -Nora

  80. Darlynne: I hope you know how proud we are of you.

    Well, not exactly the battle cry I was going for, but at least I said something kind for a change. Thank you for the stickers. Is it ok to share them?

  81. Solstice: Do you need/want anything from Trader Joe’s?

    With a slogan like that, how could I possibly lose??

    Also, yay to all who voted. One of the least backwards things about Arizona is that we can vote by mail, so I voted in my pjs and celebrated immediately after with wine.

  87. Joyce Pugh: I understand 😘

    Also, I completely love this and totally stole the idea!

  95. tikaanidog: I’ve been stabbed, don’t like it. (had a blood draw this morning). go vote!! (voted by mail – love it:))

  99. LOL! I would vote for all of you!
    Leigh Ann: You’re welcome! I was shocked! Shocked I say! To hear from you at this hour! 😉

  102. Alien: Even I wasn’t driving and could have had a drink, there was not enough alcohol in the pub to make it tolerable

  106. No one wants the mass of immigrants marching toward our country. But if you lived where they live, you’d march too.

    A wall is not the answer. If we continue to turn our backs on people who need us, inside and outside our borders, we will crumble as a society. Our wall may still stand, but we won’t.

    Please share.

    no one leaves home unless
    home is the mouth of a shark
    you only run for the border
    when you see the whole city running as well

    your neighbours running faster than you
    breath bloody in their throats
    the boy you went to school with
    who kissed you dizzy behind the old tin factory
    is holding a gun bigger than his body
    you only leave home
    when home won’t let you stay.

    no one leaves home unless home chases you
    fire under feet
    hot blood in your belly
    it’s not something you ever thought of doing
    until the blade burnt threats into
    your neck
    and even then you carried the anthem under
    your breath
    only tearing up your passport in an airport toilets
    sobbing as each mouthful of paper
    made it clear that you wouldn’t be going back.

    you have to understand,
    that no one puts their children in a boat
    unless the water is safer than the land
    no one burns their palms
    under trains
    beneath carriages
    no one spends days and nights in the stomach of a truck
    feeding on newspaper unless the miles travelled
    means something more than journey.
    no one crawls under fences
    no one wants to be beaten
    pitied

    no one chooses refugee camps
    or strip searches where your
    body is left aching
    or prison,
    because prison is safer
    than a city of fire
    and one prison guard
    in the night
    is better than a truckload
    of men who look like your father
    no one could take it
    no one could stomach it
    no one skin would be tough enough

    the
    go home blacks
    refugees
    dirty immigrants
    asylum seekers
    sucking our country dry
    niggers with their hands out
    they smell strange
    savage
    messed up their country and now they want
    to mess ours up
    how do the words
    the dirty looks
    roll off your backs
    maybe because the blow is softer
    than a limb torn off

    or the words are more tender
    than fourteen men between
    your legs
    or the insults are easier
    to swallow
    than rubble
    than bone
    than your child body
    in pieces.
    i want to go home,
    but home is the mouth of a shark
    home is the barrel of the gun
    and no one would leave home
    unless home chased you to the shore
    unless home told you
    to quicken your legs
    leave your clothes behind
    crawl through the desert
    wade through the oceans
    drown
    save
    be hunger
    beg
    forget pride
    your survival is more important

    no one leaves home until home is a sweaty voice in your ear
    saying-
    leave,
    run away from me now
    i dont know what i’ve become
    but i know that anywhere
    is safer than here.

    -Warsan Shire

  113. I voted in the hopes that one day I can go back to being proud to be a citizen of this country. l also would really like to feel the end of the constant turmoil in my chest that began with the 2016 election results and hasn’t stopped since. I have never been so informed and so completely horrified and dismayed.

  123. I voted last week & the little sticker I got was so much lamer than these. I love your blog, your books, & your strangely honest musings. Or maybe honestly strange.

  125. mine is either: Karrie Comatas: Yay! or :Shipped: your amazon package with BlueQ Control Your Family Breath Spray will be delivered Friday. Both are sorta me summed up pretty well.

  128. Kathy Campbell: “Dinner?” (I’d vote for me! I like dinner!)

    My county in 100% mail in now-WITH free postage (finally) so I voted 2 weeks ago. But alas, no sticker.

  129. Amanda Buskill: We can just threaten to leave him at the vet…that should do it…

    The text before was better…

    Amanda Buskill: I can handle the chocolate & yarn, but I think we’ll need a prescription for the tranqs…

  133. I voted so I might actually be able to watch the news again without: Breaking Furniture, screaming at the top of my lungs and/or crying. Or all three. I’m so done with the shit show.

  134. Mimi: don’t cha think? (actually this goes hand in hand with voting, “Don’t you think?”)

  139. Megan Johnson: I’ve been listening to more Rizzle Sticks. Lot of drums. I like.
    At least it’s a positive message?

  140. We are biting our nails in Canada contemplating the collapse of your civilization too (Headline: Caravans coming north with frustrated Americans of all races, shapes, orientations, and religions. We welcome them with maple syrup and a sincere “I’m sorry.”). Kristine Laco: OMG I am so full.

  147. These are freaking hilarious! Congrats to all of you voting today. I’m Canadian, but believe me, lots of us up here are right there with you in spirit.

    Joni Serio: OK good. Just wanted to be sure.

  148. Amy : Mornings are difficult for me but I think I could figure out how to get in 10 minutes.

    Seriously it was about meditation not about getting in 10 minutes of dirty fun times before work. Though I wonder if the net end effect is the same …

  152. I voted absentee because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get someone to go with me to vote and I’m a total freak about going unfamiliar places alone and was fearful that my full-fledged panic in strange places and around strange people would win over my fear of living in a fascist dictatorship.

  153. Stacy S: Gaa!! I need to get some. I feel old as hell. 😂 I had to start doing absentee voting because my body just can’t handle standing in line to vote and then standing at a booth to fill out the ballot. It takes me forever to fill the thing out. Handing a “fill in the dot” type ballot to someone with OCD is just mean. This time I got to vote from the comfort of my couch. So much better!!

  155. Hahahaha- I honest-to-dog just texted my out of state daughter “Have you voted yet today?”

  158. Emily: Gall bladder removed 4 years ago

    Which is fake news. I still have my gall bladder. But my text was to my husband, talking about a mutual friend. See how easy it is to create — and fall for — that shit? Ugh.

  165. Heather: Ok love
    We could definitely use more love! Thanks for the stickers. I’m in Seattle where we mail in our ballots. So I printed a bunch of your stickers for my coworkers 🙂

  167. Sara Holmes: OK it’s kind of crazy that your campus is so big that it has 2 voting locations. Our whole town only has one!

  170. Nicole L———-: I’d say do your shopping first.

    Apparently I’m pro-consumerism.

  172. Meghan: Hey fellas. Not going to arrive early today. Working on getting some damn resumes out there. See you later!

  175. Karen Way-too-long-surname-for-political-office: Maybe he has something he smokes, to go on a spirit journey, to find his soulmate?

    Yeah. Well.

  185. I always vote because it’s compulsory to attend a polling station and register in Australia with each election.

  188. Katharine – I am so anxious today!!
    If I were a politician, this would definitely be very true every day.

  192. sarah: We’re working on it, but it’s nuts in here.
    (i work in an elections office, for reals)

  194. I went about 30 minutes after they opened so they still had stickers. I was proud to get handed one. Two years ago they handed me three stickers because voter turn out was so low but there was a line today. Go civic duty!

  205. Murphy: Facebook

    (Although when Lin-Manuel Miranda posted this game, it was “Murphy: yayyy”, which is so much better)

    I never get a sticker, so thank you for giving me one 🙂

  206. Melissa OK I’m just now leaving. LOL Also, WA state does mail in ballots and we don’t get stickers. ☹️ I feel cheated.

  207. My slogan would be ‘Katelyn: 🤞 🍀’
    Which is exactly how confident I feel in the political landscape at the moment…

  211. John Allen: If you do go there, their vegetarian food is better than their meat options, imo.

    I totally would campaign on the strength of my restaurant recommendations.

  213. Candidate Allison: Heads up that TP order is arriving tomorrow. We should be fine until then – there is an extra roll upstairs, but the one downstairs should last.

    That is a very specific campaign promise, but acheivable.

  216. “Vote, or forfeit your right to whine about politics until the next election!”

    I’m Karyn Doherty and I approved this message.

    my phone auto corrected ‘approved’ to ‘alewives’ for some reason just then. Huh.

  218. Oh man, but my second to last one is even better!

    Candidate Allison: Silly boy. He may poop for me later.

    (My dog only likes to poop when I walk him. 🙄

  219. Kate: Ok thanks.

    OR

    Kate: I like it

    I like the second one because it was in reference to someone’s butt 🙂

  223. Pam Clark: Voted last week, thanks.

    (Responding to a friend who wanted to know if I wanted to go vote with him. Not sure why I felt I needed to explain that; it’s actually an awesome slogan.)

  229. I voted last week because I hate lines and MN is awesome when it comes to early/absentee voting.

    Melanie Rose: OK, I’ll stop XD

  235. I voted 3 times because my family copies my ballot. Our stickers were the size of freakin’ PLUMS this time. And I’m proudly wearing mine.

  236. Julia Strouse: Ok, I’ll stop trying to flirt with you then.

    For context I sent that to my husband who was at work and therefore too busy to be flirted with at that particular moment.

  248. Amy : If folks drop out, I’ll be right there–and tell Susan I want to see a picture of her new bangs!

  253. Dee: Had a visitor today. He got some treats.

    And that just sounds dirty. Which would be fitting for a lot of politicians.

    But I was really talking about one of the neighborhood feral cats.

  254. I did not vote today. But I am Canadian (we don’t have an election today!)
    Lesli: I am very proud of you and your attitude. (Hey – What a great campaign slogan!)

  257. Go Trump (away, far away and resign before you go).

    I voted absentee weeks ago.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  261. I can’t tell which one I like more:
    *The text I sent right before I started reading this post: Aliens!!!! DINOSAURS!!!!!!!!
    Or
    *The text I sent in the middle of reading this post: Look who decided to nap today!

  263. Z3lda72: am over having children
    (oops!)
    More importantly, did you get a democracy sausage? They ate the best bit of voting here

  266. I voted (vote by mail in Oregon) and didn’t get a sticker. OR mail in ballots need to step up their game.

    My campaign slogan
    Cissell: What’s a girl got to do to get an internal body part in a jar?

    I am not sure I want to know who’d vote for me.

  269. I went to the polls today about 11:30am thinking I would hit a slower time before the morning and afternoon rush. Boy was I wrong. I live in a rural area and our polling place had only two electronic machines and very few paper ballots which they preferred you did not use. The line ran in a “U” shape almost out the door. Good voter turnout but ridiculous the lack of resources used. Hopefully next election they will get it right.

  274. Jaggers:Jaggers – When u get a chance, can u look at ur meds and tell me how many days left of each u have. Luv u!

  275. Anonymous: I’m still learning
    (Was referring to patience but pretty much everything too.)

  277. Seana G: I love you. That’s a bit of an overstatement for the world at large, but we could really use more love and less hate in the world, so I approve this message.

  281. which was sent to my beloved son but makes a great general campaign slogan because it is always true

  283. Jessica Muse: I totally forgot the word for tow truck. So, I’m driving behind a tow truck thinking to myself, “will this towmobile ever get out of my way.”

  284. If you had Oregon Vote By Mail, you’d never have to leave your house – and you could avoid the lines. Since you don’t, thanks so much for making the effort. Not an inconsequential burden but a necessary one.

  288. Grace: I failed, but will try again next week.

    That actually accurately describes my life.

  290. I printed the stickers (on regular paper, because that’s what was available) and gave them out to people at work. Weirdly, no one wanted the one with the word ‘Nazi’ on it.

  292. We have mail in ballots in WA. The strip that you tear off has the image of an “I voted” sticker. It’s not quite the same.

    I can’t do the name plus last text because I would have to turn my phone on to look at what that was and I’m avoiding doing that. 😀

  293. “Melissa: Oh good! Multiple accidents”
    Well that seems like it would sum it right up

  299. I’m now “Dianne Fuck-Off-and
    -take-me-off-your-contact-list” after Trump texted me (I’ve never texted him or followed him, I swear).

  303. Caren T.:Its really hard and frustrating when you keep trying, nothing seems to work and your running out of ideas.

  317. McCauley: I love baking….and eating bread.

    Now go vote! (But not for me. I obviously would be to fat and full to get anything done)

  320. I don’t have a clever slogan, but I love your “Voted” stickers! Thanks for leaving your house (seriously, thanks; I know it’s not easy), fighting for us all (as you do with your blog and your books too. How many people were able to get out and vote because of your writing?), and for trying to change the world. Thanks to EVERYONE here who got out and voted in this election.

    Ruth

  322. Deborah Guillen: headed out, want me to get the boys?

    This could be so dirty, but alas, this was me to my husband about kid pick up.

  323. Deborah Guillen: headed out, want me to get the boys?

    This could be so dirty, but alas, this was me to my husband about kid pick up.

  324. Deborah Guillen: headed out, want me to get the boys?

    This could be so dirty, but alas, this was me to my husband about kid pick up.

  328. Library Heather: Just schoolwork.
    (In response to my sister asking if I was doing anything fun for my birthday.)
    Yeah, this would never get me any votes.

  329. Sara McCall: Hey mom, any chance of snow play this weekend?

    sounds…not quite right out of context…

  334. You got my respect! I hope all goes…….well…..not totally terrible! I also wanted to write that your. Blog and books gave me courage to try ja own little blog of crazy! Thank you foremost and your community! Stay awesome y’all!

  336. I also love leaving lots of typos because ja spellcheck is still in german und I have no idea how to change it! Awesome! I like coming off as an imbecile!

  344. Rebecca Scott: I’m here
    I was in the pick up line for my son, but it kind of works! 🤣

  362. Heather: Please put away the clean dishes and snuggle the cat.

    Going for the Mom vote, there….

  373. Marlene Doyle: Are you still cool with tomorrow?

    <yep, but only if we roll the big orange one out today lol>

  374. “Well l made a determined effort to catch up but I can’t do it.”

    I might win the prize for least effective slogan. Also my friends are much better at Duolingo than I am.

  376. One would hope. Maybe I need to obtain a Beto lawn sign to keep me alive once this evil caravan hits our border.

  380. Janet Salm: Yah that dog is too old and too big – too much heartbreak ahead

    Yup, political mastermind and major bummer, that’s me.

  381. Helen Mathey-Horn: “Actually you are right it would be better to talk it out.”

  388. Layne Floyd: It’s a fair message, but a bit aggressive.

    😂 Sounds like a reaction to a lot of campaign ads.

  394. Emily Blackthorn: I survived my first voting experience.

    Fitting. Now to see if we survive to vote again.

  395. Maranda Daniels: I bought the kids pictures. They’ll be mailed to my house.

    That sounds really bad and I feel the need to explain. My son and his wife couldn’t afford to buy the school pictures of their kids this year so I helped out.

  397. This is amazing and you are amazing! Thank you for working to make TX a better place despite the results last night <3

  401. They still had I voted stickers at our polling place when we voted, but the Future Voter ctickers were nicer — bigger and altogether more noticeable — so I asked them for one of those. They said they were for kids who couldn’t vote yet, and I just did, so no. But I said that I planned to vote in the future as well, and then they said well, I guess maybe then I could.

  403. BC–“Same here. Second cup of coffee is waiting in the car. I should have brought it in.”

  404. Martina: Considering how the tp prank went over – maybe I should worry about pipe bombs in the mailbox

  405. Barbara Dodge: “I’m watching returns for one hour then going to bed”
    Big congrats to you Love. out, vote, sticker. Woot!

  406. Mine would be “Katie Spray: I would still be asleep if Anna Leigh hadn’t woken me up at 7! It’s gonna be such a fun day!” It was a very sarcastic text to my friend after telling her i’d have to stay home to watch my three siblings.

  407. Karen Delaney: They have sippy cups for wine at Costco. They know their audience well.

  408. Shannon Hogue: “I just don’t know. I’m pretty happy with the rest of the state. I’m just going to ignore NW Iowa.” Yep, accurate.