As requested, the 2019 Bloggess Calendar is now available (and it’s 50% off today if you use the code DECKTHEHALLS) and the back of it has a giant color half-raccoon face that you can use to freak people out.

All profits go to Project Night Night.  Whoop!

UPDATED:  I don’t know why but some of you are getting emails that your order was cancelled because the calendar doesn’t meet Zazzle’s guidelines.  I’m not sure why but I sent in a request to Zazzle to look it up.  I just ordered a copy right now to check it and the order went through so I’m wondering if it’s a bug?  Or maybe they think it’s tentacle p0rn?  WHO KNOWS.  I’ll let you know what I hear.

UPDATED AGAIN: Okay, I still don’t have answers as to why some orders are cancelled and Zazzle says it can take days to get a response so let’s do this…   I made a new calendar and replaced anything that might have possibly been questionable with other things that are probably just as questionable but are different so if you don’t get your order refunded you will have one of the rare banned calendars but if you did get cancelled you can go to the links above and order the new calendar. No matter what I’ll send Project Night Night the profits on the calendars and I’ll also cover the profits that we lost because it’s an awesome charity and they do amazing things.

PS. To make up for this inconvenience please accept this video of Ferris Mewler groping me inappropriately.

View this post on Instagram

Writing with cats. #ithinkivebeengroped

A post shared by Jenny Lawson (@thebloggess) on

Also, I want a medal for not making a joke about how unsettling it is when your cat grabs Uranus.

UPDATED X 3:  OKAY.  You may have witnessed my full breakdown on twitter this morning when Zazzle cancelled my old calendar and my replacement calendar and told me that is was being cancelled because an image was copyrighted and that image was a picture of me.  *sigh*

HOWEVER, they quickly reached out to me and fixed the issue and brought back the new calendar so here’s what you need to know: if you ordered the new calendar (the replacement I made late last night…not the one from midday yesterday) your order is still fine and you’ll get your calendar.  If you ordered the first calendar you’ll probably need to reorder the new one. The half off sale is still going on today so make sure you use the DECKTHEHALLS code. If you look in your orders you can tell if you have one coming or if it was canceled.  Here’s an example where you can see the canceled one and the new one that I ordered:

Zazzle was very apologetic and they assure me that no one was charged for the canceled calendar as they just did a preathorization that was dropped as soon as the first calendar was cancelled.

So, long story short, the calendar linked above is fully operational and you can buy it right here.

I need a drink.

109 thoughts on “UPDATED FOR THE LAST TIME HOPEFULLY! 2019 Bloggess Calendar

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I still have a calendar from 2014 hanging in my office because it’s profane and funny but I will replace it with this one. It does have profanity, doesn’t it? 😉

  2. Hi Jenny, I love how you captured Ferris, Hunter and Dorthy but where’s Rolly? I’m sure he’ll get his feelings hurt or maybe not he is, after all a cat. I can’t wait to get it because I’m bringing it to work!

  3. See??? I KNEW you were the one, true Hanukkah Armadillo! You even have the sacred ring!

  4. Thanks, Jenny! I was wracking my tired brain trying to figure out what to send my daughter for her birthday; she already has all your books, so this is perfect!

  5. That’s so funny. I did a search for Jenny Lawson /Blogess a few week, ago and didn’t get any results. I’m so glad that I didn’t buy the inferior ones that are sitting in my cart. Yay!

  6. Yaaaaaa! Super excited. I got my Rory mousepad at work and I will have this calendar as well. 😍 My co workers already know I have random mugs (also from your shop), mousepad, and now my random epic calendar. Can’t wait!!! Thank you for doing this and being you.

  7. Woohoo! My hubby is going to be so surprised when I open this gift from him on Christmas morning!

  8. Kelly Schaffer I’ll send you one if I can figure out how to get your address.

  9. Darn! the discount code doesn’t work for Canada. Might buy one anyway. You’ve done so much getting me through the last 2 years of depression and anxiety!!

  10.         Is it going on Amazon?  I will find a way to get this.  Awesome-sauce!      

    (I don’t think so, but sometimes Zazzle also offers stuff on Amazon. I’m not sure how that works. ~ Jenny)

  11. Double Unicorn Success Month! Oh, HELL YEAH!!! This is way better than the UPS calendar I got (they were all dressed…).

  12. I wasn’t going to buy a calendar for 2019. 2020 is my year. I know. A possum told me. 2019 is just my year to prep for the awesome to come in 2020. But now I think I need a Jenny calendar to help my prep.

  13. Project Night night is my amazon smile charity and one that’s very very dear to me. Thank you!

  14. Zazzle tells me it can’t fulfill my order because the content conflicts with their guidelines. Am I the only one to get that message?

  15. I ordered. I thought. The I got an email from zazzle canceling it. Bummer. ☹️

  16. I also ordered and then got another email saying order was cancelled due to copyright issue or something like that.

  17. I ordered calendar then got email from Zazzle that my order couldn’t be completed because of a copyright issue. Anyone getting this?

  18. I ordered the calendar, and got this message from Zazzle:
    Order Cancellation Notice
    We’re unable to process your order.
    Hello Victoria Read,

    Thank you for your recent order: 131706514661937123.

    Unfortunately, we are unable to process your order. The designs are in conflict with our content guidelines.

    As a result, the following items cannot be produced:
    2019 Bloggess Calendar
    Title: 2019 Bloggess Calendar
    Result: Not Approved
    Content Notes:

    This product contains a design with an image and/or text that may be subject to copyright. Zazzle is not currently licensed to offer merchandise for this particular brand. If you are interested in purchasing officially licensed merchandise at Zazzle, please visit: http://www.zazzle.com/brands.

    What’s with this? I really want the calendar for a friend who loves your work. Can you help?

  19. I went through and picked the size, binding colour, etc, then was told my custom order had five issues, but not what they were so how do I correct them?

  20. So I got the weird response from about my first calendar order.. and then went back over and immediately ordered a 2nd one because that is what one does.. and now.. I’ve ordered a 3rd because calendars! if I get extras they will be presents… if not yay calendars around the house!! I also had to get a totes magoats tote because things… like ambien and the internet. Love you.. and yay for Project Night Night!

  21. I love my birth month May- getting an award for being a bad-ass mofo! Yassssss!

  22. Request: I’d very much like a wall calendar made up of your art. A You Are Here type calendar. I would by the shit out of that.

  23. Both the calendars were there! So I bought one of each… No shame here.
    PS: had to cancel my “depression lies” hairband though – shipping was 8 times the price of the hairband 🙁

  24. My order went through but shortly after I got that same email and said I be refunded. I waited a few hours and ordered again. Same message!

  25. Ordered! And to the person above, I’m TOTALLY hanging this in my office at work.

    I’ll cross my fingers that it doesn’t get cancelled.

  26. I was so excited! My order initially went through, but then it was cancelled in the middle of the night. Their reason was “may contain copyrighted material.” Likely your own material! Bummer not to get the 50% off. Thanks, Zazzle gatekeepers! 😉

  27. I’m pretty sure that counts as appropriate groping. Kitty groping is really always appropriate.

  28. The link is broken. Is the calendar still available? I would absolutely love one.

  29. Ordered right away after your first post and despite the kerfluffle, it looks like I’ll be getting one of the banned calendars because Zazzle hasn’t told me otherwise. YAS!

  30. Ordered successfully!! I have the new version which is fine by me. I’m glad it is back up and running.

  31. When I created my calendar for Zazzle, it got flagged because I used the word “hooker” on one page. It was flagged for not being consistent with the G rating I put on it. The word “crap”, however, passed muster so who knows how this all works????

  32. I remember ordering last year’s calendar and thinking “well, this is kind of like a commitment to hang in there for another year”. And here I am. Ordering another calendar. Thanks Jenny

  33. I don’t understand how a picture of you, that you drew yourself, is considered copyright infringement!! Grrr. I hate automation sometimes! I also don’t get why the tentacle image was deemed printed. WTF!? It’s a perfect image of depression, anxiety, and stress. It was quite lovely, and I wanted it to frame 9n my office wall. I’m sorry this happened. I still say you need to ask Santa for office doors. Just sayin’.

  34. I don’t understand how a picture of you, that you drew yourself, is considered copyright infringement!! Grrr. I hate automation sometimes! I also don’t get why the tentacle image was deemed porn. WTF!? It’s a perfect image of depression, anxiety, and stress. It was quite lovely, and I wanted it to frame on my office wall. I’m sorry this happened. I still say you need to ask Santa for office doors. Just sayin’.

  35. I ordered my calendar on the 4th. On the 5th, when most of you were getting cancellation notices, my tracking said they are making it. I have had no update and/or cancellation as of today the 6th. ???

  36. Hmm, so apparently being super busy at work for 3 days means that my order went through without a hitch! Winning!!!! Yay!!!!!

  37. Why is everything on sale when I’m broke, man…Awesome calendar anyway, and I’m glad you finally got Zazzle’s dumbass straight!! The world needs more of your awesome in it.

  38. I ordered an original, and it says it is being made. Fingers crossed! Thank you for both/either and for being so awesome!

  39. That is sensational cover art!! Zazzle is probably like that because they have Disney as a client. Disney changes everything. I looked into Zazzle to make my own art after I’d seen you used them. On their website were a lot of confused artists who weren’t getting paid their promised commissions. That’s where those sale prices come from. And Zazzle is a family operation who moved part of their business to Ireland, which avoids taxes. I loathe red-state politics. Zazzle isn’t a company I want to support.
    The company who made your boss leggings is Art of Wear. It says on their website you always get the same commission promised. As soon as I slay my fear of mystery fear-fear of fears, my art will be offered by AOW as well.

  40. I ordered the new calendar, but have to admit to some disappointment at not getting to see the tentacle porn one. Who even thinks of these things?! (Meaning that your calendar could contain tentacle porn, not its existence–I’ve long since stopped questioning those kinds of things…)

  41. This is the only thing that keeps me going: knowing that I’mma have a super awesome calendar to keep me excited about the next month…
    P.S. You are my spirit animal Jenny! (Well you or Saoirse Ronan, but she doesn’t really have the right level of madness in her, ya know? But OMG her accent… Imagine your crazy with her Irish accent all eminating from a chupacabra and you have my literal spirit animal…and I’m ranting. Hugs!)

  42. I read the first paragraph only and clicked on the link and purchased the calendar! After completing my order came back to this site only to see there was something going on. Lol…. late to the game. Not worried. See Jenny I follow the blindly! Xoxo-Marcela

  43. I read the first paragraph only and clicked on the link and purchased the calendar! After completing my order came back to this site only to see there was something going on. Lol…. late to the game. Not worried. See Jenny I follow thee blindly! Xoxo-Marcela
    Ps sorry posting again

  44. Got my calendar ordered even though setting up an account took several tries and a chat with a very helpful Zazzle person. Truly I am not good at the internet lol. But have a Bloggess calendar on the way! And I’m a very happy girl merry holidays

  45. I spoke too soon: my order for one of the calendars was cancelled!
    I asked why and apparently “In this instance, your order contained a copyrighted design referencing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, which Zazzle is not currently licensed to produce on merchandise.
    Does anyone remember Rudolph?

  46. I thought I was all set…then woke up this morning to find my order cancelled. BUT…when I went to re-order, Zazzle was offering a 60% off code, so…I win! (Aside, I mentioned to my husband that I had ordered the 2019 calendar for our kitchen…he was both annoyed and relieved. Annoyed, because had tried to buy it for me for Christmas, it couldn’t find it online anywhere. Relieved, because he knew I’d be exceedingly pissed if we had to go back to an ordinary calendar.). P.S., my dad loves this calendar, too…he takes pictures of whatever the month’s picture is when he visits, then shows them to all his friends at Rotary. His favorite is “I wish you could see all the fucks I’m not giving.”

  47. So I ordered on the 5th and didn’t get any message about it being canceled but this morning got a notification from paypal that zazzle had refunded my purchase. I went back on to re-order and the code deckthehalls has expired but for anyone else looking to order, calendars are 60% off today using this code – ZHOLIDAYZAZZ

  48. my calendar is ready for 2019! one request cause i am curious and OCD… will you post the original images each month… would love to see what they consider inappropriate!

  49. Mine seems to have been lost between the UPS guys and the USPS. Hopefully they find it before the new year. If not, hopefully they find it before the end of next year. Haha.

  50. It takes me forever to catch up on email. I just ordered your calendar today EVEN THOUGH IT WAS NOT HALF PRICE. And then I ordered a mug just because. P.S. LOVE the mission of the Night Night Project. Even if I thought your stuff sucked, I’d probably still buy it in order to donate to this charity.

  51. Jenny, your calendar listing shows 2019. The dates and images are the same as the 2019 calendar I already have. You might want to make sure there isn’t a mistake somewhere with Zazzle.

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