Babies are the worst kind of birds.

So cupid is like the mascot of Valentine’s Day but basically it’s a baby, right?  At first I thought it was an angel which would be sort of sweet but ultimately questionable because that means the ghost of a dead baby is making you want to have sex with people and that’s weird.

Then I did some research and turns out that cupid is not an angel but is instead a God of Erotic Love (who also happens to be a baby for some reason?) and I guess it’s because sex makes babies but it still doesn’t make sense because babies are the worst and now they have wings?  Have you met babies?  They shit everywhere and they’re always barfing.  The only thing worse is if you gave it a weapon, WHICH SOMEONE DID.

I explained all of this to Victor and he just stared at me but probably because he just realized that he’s only in love with me because he got shot by some invisible aeronautic toddler.

PS. I waited until after Valentine’s Day to post this because I know some of you love it and I don’t want to shit all over it when you’re enjoying it.  Unlike certain flying babies.  Just saying.

88 thoughts on “Babies are the worst kind of birds.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. As always Jenny you insight is spot on! Yes babies are well, babies and I don’t believe in Cupid because the motherfucker has always brought me losers. So if I see him/her/it I’m going to shoot it down with it’s own arrow…..I’m just saying.

  2. from the google “Cupid. … According to myth, Cupid was the son of Mercury, the winged messenger of the gods, and Venus, the goddess of love. He often appeared as a winged infant carrying a bow and a quiver of arrows whose wounds inspired love or passion in his every victim.” so there ya go..blame Sailor Mercury and Sailor Venus…:D

  3. from the google: “Cupid. … According to myth, Cupid was the son of Mercury, the winged messenger of the gods, and Venus, the goddess of love. He often appeared as a winged infant carrying a bow and a quiver of arrows whose wounds inspired love or passion in his every victim.” so there ya go… sailor mercury and sailor venus are the culprits. right?

  4. Maybe the cupid baby is able to handle his own needs? Or somehow is unable to defecate… but now I’m disturbed about the poop covered arrows cause what if he doesn’t wash his hands?? Fuck…

  5. see the awesome Michael Penn song “Cupid’s Got a Brand New Gun” … brilliant lyrics

  6. a most excellent observation, I don’t get the whole valentines day thing but I know it’s a big deal to a lot of people.

  7. Okay, so this baby is flying around with his twig and berries and bum exposed. Why give him a bow and arrows when he has perfectly good weapons already? Hear me out, because it makes sense: love can involve getting shit o, that British gem about taking the piss, and of course, getting dumped. The bow and arrow is redundant.

  8. And, Cupid is almost always shown swaddled, wearing something diaper like, with a carefully draped cloth, or naked with baby junk. Nobody wants to see that!

  9. Solid points. Also, Cupid was typically depicted not wearing a diaper. Which is even more terrifying. And we thought living in a world with pigeons was bad. shudder

  10. Depicting Cupid as an infant is an artistic invention, probably because he would take up less space on canvas (lol) and artists could show more naked skin. Using greco-roman themes was a work around so that artists could paint naked women. I can go all art history on you if you like, but Eros/Cupid is really an adult who has been cutsied down over the centuries, so I think we’re safe from yak and poo.🤣

  11. I’ve never understood why the Roman Cupid was a baby when his Greek equivalent, Eros, was a full grown man. But then again, Rome did have a knack for twisting things until they were unrecognizable.

  12. Invisible aeronautic toddler would be an amazing band name…I’ve never understood why Cupid was a baby either. Babies are the opposite of sexy and the presence of an actual baby in the house makes making more babies a losgistal nightmare…

  13. The sweet boy I babysit, said he liked babies but didn’t like that they pooped in their pants. I asked him where they should go and without hesitation he said “Outside!” 😂😂😂😂😂

  14. The idea of weaponized love is too scary to think about which is why cupids skeeve me out. I FEEL THAT THEY ARE VERY BAD PEOPLE.
    Maybe they’re not babies but dwarves. Or some kind of gnome. That would totally make more sense. Just keep them away from me, no matter what they are.

  15. You people, all of you, make my day on a regular basis and I never remember to tell you. So thanks, and happy day after!

  16. Once I became a parent, I exclaimed at dinner spontaneously “ why do they say slept like a baby?!?!? The saying should be slept like a single person.”

  17. This is so funny! I laughed multiple times. And in these dark days, that’s an amazing thing. THANK YOU Jenny! I spent Valentine’s Day with my dog because my husband was working day and night. I was not really interested in going too far with my dog, nor he with me I’m happy to say (even though he’s a poodle.) I asked the baby to pass over my house, and left a sugary candy smashed on my door so he’d take it and pass over my house. It seemed to work. Hmmmm…a new holiday?

    This baby could be cupid! If the link doesn’t work, it’s on YouTube as Toddler Boom Chicka
    He dances and sing the song. If he doesn’t invoke feelings of love, at the very least it is hilarious and will make you laugh

  19. I hate Valentines Day. We don’t celebrate it. It is also my sister in laws birthday and I definitely don’t want to celebrate that. So my husband and I celebrate Ferris Wheel day instead (also 2/14) because what says I Love You better than a spinning wheel of death?

  20. I don’t care who or what Cupid is … as long as I keep getting a box of chocolate in the deal.

  21. I agree with this entire post! Thanks, as always, for the laugh. The best part is “which someone did!”

  22. I don’t care who or what Cupid is … as long as I keep getting chocolates in the deal.

  23. Lol….your relationship with Victor is priceless! I love reading about his responses.

  24. … also I might note that I am at my LEAST romantic when someone is bleeding. Then it’s time for a Modified Stationary Panic and possibly bandages.

  25. I always thought it might be the same baby from who framed rodger rabbit…i assume since he’s old enough to smoke a cigar that he could handle a weapon. I think the movie addressed his age as well. Plus since hes so angry I bet hed enjoy stabbing people, even if its remotely

  26. About the best I can say on Cupid is that at least it isn’t some kind of giant mosquito. That would suck.

  27. Google image search for “where Nutella comes from”. It’s positively cherubic.

  28. I might have to disagree with the weapon making them worse. I think making them airborne while shitting and barfing is the problem. I’m not overly worried about the weapon because their hand-eye coordination is shit and so are their motor skills. I think i could evade the arrow. but that barf man…

  29. I was just talking about this with someone. Not about the shitting baby with arrow but that Cupid is an angel baby. It makes no sense. I never liked Valentine’s Day anyway. Just the fact that it’s a God of erotic love who happens to be a baby is creepy.

  30. But…Father Valentine was a priest who got burned at the stake for marrying people when someone declared it illegal.. then he became St. Valentine not sure where the hell this baby came in?

  31. But…Father Valentine was a priest who got burned at the stake for marrying people after someone decided marriage was illegal and then he became St. Valentine…not sure where the hell this baby came from? Kinda like the Easter Bunny I guess….

  32. Yeah, I always assumed they used the baby because it makes it look more innocent. Cupid is basically Eros who is also depicted as a young man. But the baby thing is creepy.

  33. Maybe Cupid is a baby in a diaper just to remind us that the product of lust is really just MORE BABIES! Haha, I’ve got two kids right now, and I really want want another, but the reminder of the sagging crap-filled diaper is just enough to remind me to be happy with what I have. Happy Vagina Day ladies!

  34. Victor just needs to stop and thank his lucky stars more often. I mean, how boring would his life be without these kinds of conversations?

  35. Have you checked out the lyrics to My Funny Valentine? WTF???!!! How is that a romantic song?

  36. I think they’re called puti in Italian art, which loosly translates to “fat little boy with wings” also it’s a fun word for lady gardens

  37. Angels as dead humans? To quote a fictional demon/ex-angel: “We’re distinct beings, not dead humans with little wings! Where do you people go for spiritual guidance, ‘The Family Circus’?”

  38. Cupids have always freaked me out a little. I categorize them under “clown-like entities”. But wait. Back up. WHY DID SOMEONE SAY ‘FLYING SPIDERS’?

  39. Haha! The other day I was saying that it was so cold out that Cupid would never be able to handle flying around naked/diapered. He’d need a heavy jacket and snow boots and mittens. Might impede his dexterity enough that he couldn’t use that bow and arrow?

  40. I really and truly am grateful for your consideration in delaying your post until the day after. It’s been too long since I have been back here to read your stuff, and I have to say that… HOLY CRAP! I HAVE MISSED THE GOSH DANG SHIT OUT OF YOU.

    OMG – I totally just realized… these angel babies flying around everywhere are probably where we even GET the Holy Crap to begin with!

  41. This is also weird because especially in the US, we’re obsessed with keeping babies and small children completely unaware of sex, so now there’s some sex-crazed infant out there helping us fall in love by shooting us in the butt with arrows? CUE THE PROTESTS!

  42. If you watch Supernatural, Cupid is a big naked dude who goes around hugging everyone, making them feel awkward, until a main character punches him in the face, and makes him cry, and ultimately disappear. “Dude, you just punched an angel” … “No, I punched a dick”. Sorry. My fave show, and I have this persistent need to quote it wherever possible.

  43. Valentine’s day has always been a useless hyped up crappy holiday to me.I was tormented in school by some bullies who thought it would be fun,to make me believe I had a secret admirer. They revealed themselves on Valentine’s day. The losers I have dated are usually gone before valentines day. I’ve yet to have a romantic man date me,sadly attesting my lack of good taste in men.The only males I trust at the moment are my pets.

  44. Eros aka Cupid is a full grown man/god. The cherubic archer. I don’t know who came up with that. Probably the Renaissance era artists.

  45. I absolutely appreciate you waiting until after Valentines Day to massacre it. Yes, the baby with the arrow thingy seems weird. I’m just glad it’s all over! Now we can all go back to being unhappy again whether we are with someone or single. Yay!

  46. This is why Shakespeare describes Cupid’s arrows as “the blind bow-boy’s butt-shafts.” In Romeo and Juliet. Sounds bitter.

  47. My thoughts on Cupid exactly. WTF. (Also agree with post #83 above – Eros is the god of erotic love, and he’s not a baby. He’s actually the one the Beast in Beauty and the Beast is based on. Beauty would be Psyche. This story has been rehashed more times than IHOP’s potatoes.) You’re not alone in your wonderment. I can only assume it makes sense to the gods somehow.

  48. Okay, so this baby is flying around with his twig and berries and bum exposed. Why give him a bow and arrows when he has perfectly good weapons already?

  49. So my FRIEND who writes Valentine’s Day cards professionally thinks that this should all be on a Valentine’s Day card, and that would be the last Valentine’s Day card she would ever personally need.

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