There was a bear attack in my house. In that a bear was attacked in my house.

Almost every day on twitter I share the most baffling thing Amazon recommended that day and this one has come up several times:

It’s a desiccated 6 and a half foot teddy bear corpse that seems to have been in a hit and run and then dried out in the sun.  I assumed it was some sort of sleeping bag that also suffocates you but turns out it’s just the skin and you’re supposed to fill it yourself, which will probably not make me very popular at Build-a-Bear.  Personally though I thought it would make a great sleeping bag and you could use the face as a sleeping mask that might also suffocate you doing the night.

It’s goddam ridiculous so of course I immediately bought it to surprise my family.

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My family doesn’t understand whimsy. Part 1.

A post shared by Jenny Lawson (@thebloggess) on

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Part 2. Why does it have it have camel toe?

A post shared by Jenny Lawson (@thebloggess) on

Sadly, after so many years of living with me they seem to be immune to this level of horror/whimsy:

I’m not sure what to do with it now but I think it would make an excellent laundry bag for heavy procrastinators or a very fluffy carry-on suitcase for long trips.

UPDATE:  HANG ON, Y’ALL.  I think I just got a bear skin rug for under $50.

Ferris Mewler is totally impressed. Or embarrassed for me. Hard to tell.

126 replies. read them below or add one

  1. That is a fantastic clip of you putting on the bear Jenny. I agree though, it makes a better rug 😃

    Like

    Gaz recently posted Fast cook lamb forequarter chops with chicken-flavoured rice.

  2. hahahahaha this is amazing, thank you for sharing

    Like

  3. I DIED laughing, that thing is absurd!

    Like

  4. All I can say is wow, just wow. I teddy bear skin rug, awesome and Ferris looks totes impressed by it, I can tell, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    thehuntress915 recently posted Part 25…………………Feeding the Alligators and Lestat’s Last Stand.

  5. Thank you for sharing your family and ALL. THAT. LAUGHTER!!!

    Like

  6. ROFL!!!

    Like

  7. Love you and your family 🙂

    Like

  8. I’m five and a half weeks out from a profilactic bilateral mastectomy and am dealing with constant pain. That said, I needed this laugh today!! Thank you Jenny!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hahahahaha!!! I love the bearskin rug next to that fabulous chair.

    Like

  10. 10
    arlene crandall

    That was funny. And just think you are like a giant swiffer!!

    Like

  11. 11
    Debra Johnston

    Perfect rug 👍🏻

    Like

  12. ROFL I don’t know … that’s gonna be a bear to vacuum.

    That series of video clips was so heckin good. Everyone needs a good giggle and that was a bunch of them for sure ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I may need my very own bearskin now.

    Like

  14. You guys are the best. I love all of you, and these videos are gold. I would have been super claustrophobic in the bear skin tho… you’re braver than I.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I have one of those stuffed bears, but a little smaller, I’ve been wanting to empty it out and make a costume out of it but I haven’t figured out what to do with the 300 billion tiny styrofoam balls inside of it! I was thinking maybe the vacuum at the car wash??

    Like

  16. Dying laughing. Omg, bear skin rug.

    Like

  17. Can you do a post about your wall along your staircase? Because it’s fucking MAGICAL

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m at work so I didn’t watch these with audio, figuring I’d be able to contain my laughter that way. I figured wrong. I might need to leave early so I can pretend to be choking or something.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. At least you got some laughs out of it 😂

    Like

  20. The Constitution does give you the right to bear arms. Your family should support those rights.

    Like

    theycallmetater recently posted Happy Birthday to A Tater Tot.

  21. 21
    GlochidiaGirl

    Honestly, it looked like Winnie the Pooh after a massive weight loss, before he had the surgery to remove the excess skin. Thanks for the giggles. I needed that today

    Liked by 1 person

  22. No, that is not a rug. That is a onesie that happens to missing a few holes. It is mesmerising to watch you move around in it. You gotta wear that shit.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Victor did not even bat an eye. What a man!

    Like

  24. You’re gonna need to put a bear-shaped anti skid pad under that rug. You know. For safety.

    Like

  25. Part 3 made me laugh so hard I cried. Thanks for the joy!

    Like

  26. I’ve had the day from hell, and I needed this. Thank you.

    Like

  27. OMG…. I laughed so hard I scared my cat! Lol! Thanks for that!

    Like

  28. I literally LOL’d. And I know how to use the word “literally.” (Not implying that you don’t. Just, ya know, bragging.)

    Liked by 1 person

    Janet Coburn recently posted Facebook, What Have You Done Now?.

  29. Yep, they’ve met you. And it is glorious.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. What did you do with all the bear innards?

    Like

  31. I was JUST about to say THIS WOULD BE THE BEST TEDDYBEARSKIN RUG. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    Shannon akaMonty recently posted Double the fun! Or more likely double, double, toil and trouble..

  32. Omg!!! I laughed so hard I wheezed!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  33. My dog has two “dessicated” squirrels and one rabbit. I call them road kills. She loves them, carries them around with her and tosses them in the air when she wants to get our attention.

    Annette

    Like

  34. You need to google Huge Teddy Bear Pranks on youtube 🙂

    Like

  35. Maybe Captain Kangaroo is looking for a new dancing bear ( I love that this clip has a bonus Dolly Parton). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J75tUrmNvD8

    Like

  36. So the fluffy dude was full of fluff and someone DEFLATED him? Glad you rescued him from a life of ridicule on amazon. And I bet DJ up there^ could shoot ya a hell of a deal on pellets. DJ, problem solved, you’re welcome!

    Like

  37. Yes yes yes!!!! I’m so glad you bought this one! It should immediately be declared a family heirloom.

    Liked by 1 person

    romcomdojo recently posted Proof of Deliverance.

  38. 38
    Sandra Williams

    Hahahaha! So much fun! I have laughed until I cried. Thank you for sharing.

    Like

  39. OMGness! I haven’t been here in a while because busy but geezes. LOL!!!

    Like

  40. Victor is a goddamn GIFT.

    Like

  41. Too. Funny.

    Like

    Mona Andrei (aka Moxie-Dude) recently posted This post is not funny. It’s about death..

  42. I’m dying! It looks like a bear post lapband surgery. He needs skin reduction stat!

    Like

  43. This made me laugh until I was crying! Am I the only one that thinks we now need to scour the Internet for a six foot stuffed tiger skin to match your teddy bear rug? You could have Hobbes and Teddy Ruxpin! On a grown up note- I love the pictures on your stairway and the actual staircase!

    Like

    knockingonfortysdoor recently posted Circle of Life (ish).

  44. Ditto on the staircase. Lmao about the bearskin

    Like

  45. I just laughed until I peed, no lie. Even Dotty seemed unphased, and Victor dragging you away! 😂😂😂

    Like

  46. Victor is my favorite human right now. That was fabulous.

    Like

  47. I’m dead. ☠️ Jenny I love you so much. I want to hang out and drink wine slushees with you. ❤️

    Like

  48. You & your family are the best ever!

    Like

  49. 49
    Michele Cupcakes

    The whole bearskin seemed to ooze/wobble with your movements, but then you made it even better when you sat down and ended up with BEAR CROTCHFACE.

    Like

  50. You are going to be SO popular with the “furry” people!

    Like

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 233: All The Weird Things.

  51. You have the Rules of Engagement chair!

    Like

  52. I ADORE THIS SO MUCH I CANNOT STAND IT.

    Like

  53. Woman, I bearly knew you!

    Like

  54. That staircase!! 💕

    Like

    leahsoha recently posted Is It Thursday Yet?.

  55. You made me wet myself. I do not appreciate that! LOL ❤

    Like

  56. i am so in heart with you

    Like

  57. I am laughing so hard at that last clip I sound like a 3 pack a day smoker. Thank you for that!!!

    Like

  58. I love you so much!

    Like

  59. You made my week! Thank you.

    Like

  60. This whole thing is un-bear-able!

    Like

  61. 61
    craftspagan

    OMGs! Thank you for the wonderful belly laugh. I really needed that. I love your sense of whimsy.

    Like

  62. Victor is a gift from the gods. Thank you for sharing him with us.

    Like

  63. Finally, somewhere to put all those plastic grocery bags.

    Like

  64. This is so hilarious. I’m surprised the dog wasn’t totally shitting himself in fear, though.

    Like

    mommystrongtx recently posted Jesse’s Girl: Support in Recovery.

  65. So now we know what happened after the Ranger at Jellystone finally caught Yogi with the picnic basket. Run, Boo-boo, run!

    Like

  66. Your foyer and gallery wall are amazing!

    Like

  67. If I put on something like that, my husband would probably just walk by without noticing. The cat would run to the safety of the other side of the room to glare at me, and the dogs would be very confused. Especially the puppy, who would probably try to play with the new animal in the room.

    Like

    Barbara in Colorado recently posted Own It Empowerment T-Shirt Self Confidence by BabbselasDesigns.

  68. Just watched the videos on Instagram. Part 3 is the best. So much joyful cackling. You could probably open the seams and make it a blanket, but these seems a waste of the Snuggie aspect. https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2019/03/14/overcompensating/

    Like

  69. You gotta stuff it.

    Like

  70. Science experiment: Will all the animals now pee on the bearskin rug because it smells like Jenny pee?

    Like

  71. Dear Jenny,
    You and Haley and Victor just made my day! Thank you all💖

    Like

  72. Aaaannndddd now I must buy a teddy bear skin!!!

    Like

  73. So much to love here! Including the fact that all through the whole thing, there is a pair of shoes in the doorway and everyone just steps over them…

    Like

  74. 74
    Maggie Dempsey

    I adore hearing all of this laughter 😀 And that thing is hilarious. Who WOULDN’T want to wear a bear’s skin over their own? So powerful. SO fluffy. #TheRevenent

    Like

  75. Crotch face.

    Like

  76. Thank you for making me laugh for the first time in weeks! My cats would probably crawl into it themselves, maybe yours will eventually and carry it through the house.

    Like

  77. You did it! You cheered me up during a day full of sobering lectures at the university! Restorative justice all morning and the rise of nationalism in Europe this afternoon. Thank you and thank the dessicated teddy bear!

    Like

  78. You and the family are simply hilarious! Thanks for an actual bust a gut laugh.

    Like

  79. 79
    Ginger Walker

    You need your own reality TV show!

    Like

  80. I’m telling you! It’s the best place I can think of to hide a body. No one is going to question a very large and smelly teddy bear.

    Liked by 1 person

  81. I love this post. I shared it with my book club. I couldn’t stop laughing, especially when you fell down in the bear suit. Omg!!! This is something I would do too. My kids don’t find it funny, which just makes me laugh more.

    Liked by 1 person

  82. I love your house. I think you got your money’s worth out of that bear, entertainment wise.

    Like

    Enchanted Ace recently posted To my sweet girls….

  83. I’m thinking about how useful that would be in the carpool lane….just need perhaps a bear skeleton or something…

    Like

  84. There is SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL. here. I mean, I love T-Rex but that’s so overdone now. You just have to work out that breathing thing…it seems to be important.

    Like

    débora Ewing recently posted Definitions for Typos: Sunglower vs. Migraine.

  85. PLEASE tell about those pictures going up your staircase!

    Like

  86. Wonderful rug. Also, love the introvert chair, and I just spent 20 minutes squinting and trying to make out the pictures in your gallery.

    Like

  87. Staircase! Let’s talk about that staircase!

    Like

  88. I bear-ly could contain my laughter at all of these videos. Victor is definitely a “grin-and-bear-it” sort of guy, grizzled by the constant whimsy in your home. 😉

    Definitely have to try wearing the stuffed version, though. (BTW, the Amazon description is hilarious in and of itself.)

    Like

  89. 90
    Little Things

    I would fill it with emergency chocolate

    Like

  90. 91
    Little Things

    Or put a real bear in it

    Like

  91. Oh, Jenny, you bring me so much joy.

    Like

  92. 93
    Member of the Tribe

    Money. Well. Spent.

    Like

  93. Worth every penny.

    (Also? Selling a gigantic bear unstuffed is pretty brilliant from a shipping perspective. It would be so much cheaper to have it shipped and then go buy some polyfill, over having it shipped already stuffed. Plus you get bonus bear body horror! )

    Like

    unseelie j. recently posted Let’s Read: Remedios Varo’s Letters, Dreams & Other Writings.

  94. 95
    Kelly Herring

    Im pretty sure my 15 year old would’ve completely steered clear of this and not have shown her face in any videos, if that makes you feel better about family involvement. I’m lucky to get her to come to dinner.

    Like

  95. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂💩

    Like

  96. Please tell me you’re going to name him Teddy Rugspin

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teddy_Ruxpin

    Like

  97. You have NO IDEA how freaking hard I laughed at those videos, especially the last one!! Omg. I seriously haven’t laughed that hard in years. Omg. That was awesome. Thank you for that.

    Like

  98. 100
    Teresa Metts

    OMG….I think I LOVE your hubby! He is soooo funny…

    Like

  99. You so need to name that bear. I wish you could get a fan and inflate while you’re wearing him, like a T-Rex costume.

    Like

  100. Ferris Mewler is part of the family. He gets it. And is willing to judge you in ways that only a cat could.
    I think it’s POSSIBLE that you bought a furry costume. Although maybe not. When you see them on TV – it’s always a sort of fully fleshed out stuffed animal. Not that TV comedy is a reflection of reality. Still. Maybe it’s a beginner one. Like training wheels. You get a costume without the stuffing to see if the furry lifestyle suits you.

    You should ask around. Odds are you have some fans who are furry.

    Like

  101. Thank you, just what I needed after a looking day in customer service. 😘

    Like

  102. 104
    Heather Torrey

    My kid said, “Whiney the Pooh!”
    They might be on to something.

    Like

  103. OMG that is hilarious!

    Like

  104. A bear? That you wear? That polishes the floor? Shut up and take my money!

    Like

    The Lockwood Echo recently posted A Peek Inside The Inexplicable World Of Madame Charlatan.

  105. You look like one of the Bannana Splits that lost ALOT of weight. Talk about lose skin.

    Like

  106. We love whimsy at our house……Victor needs to get on board!!

    Like

  107. We love whimsy at our house……Victor needs to get on board!!

    Like

  108. 110
    Raven Bill

    Have a hunch your dad will have some brilliant ideas for Flat Teddy.

    Like

  109. I think that it’s meant for you to stuff it yourself and make a stuffed bear out of it. It could be worth the $44 because it costs $140 for a stuffed one. http://bit.ly/2Tabh0e

    Like

    Dave recently posted Male or Female?.

  110. It puts the lotion on its bearskin.

    Like

  111. What really disturbs me is that it looks like it’s on my car.
    WHO’S USING MY CAR FOR DISTURBING TEDDY BEAR ANTICS?

    Like

  112. On a more positive note, you probably don’t have to buy stuffing. Just sit him down in your laundry and start feeding him mismatched socks. Or better yet, unwanted little stuffed animals. BLUHAHAHA Feed the giant teddy bear on little teddy bears!

    Like

  113. I hope this means you are feeling better.

    Like

  114. VERY funny, can’t believe Dorothy Barker didn’t attack!!

    Like

  115. Thank you for the laugh! It looks like you and your family were having great fun. I’m glad to see that you are feeling better.

    Like

  116. That was HILARIOUS!!! I love when Victor started dragging you around on your furry butt…. 🤣🤣🤣

    Like

  117. 119
    Fuzzy Bunny

    You are a national treasure.

    Like

  118. That is magnificent.

    Like

  119. Too much fun! I love that you find enjoyment and help us to find that same enjoyment in the most ridiculous things. And yes, that is quite the camel toe…

    Like

  120. Dude, I would wrap myself up in a comforter & tie on strategically placed pillows to be extra fluffy in that bear suit! Might take all the pillows on the house though. 🙂

    Like

  121. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I needed this after the week I’ve had. Thank you. runs off to buy a holow bear skin

    Like

  122. as demonstrated it’s handy if you need to drag a body outta the house.

    Like

  123. So odd that it doesn’t look as long when it’s on the floor.

    Like

    Mamacita recently posted What’s Up With Garth?.

  124. My question is, is someone selling bear skins before they’re stuffed, or is someone buying a bunch of giant bears and meticulously ripping all the stuffing out and then selling them?

    Like

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