I don’t have the answers either.

If all has gone to plan I’m in Japan this week so while I’m gone I’m sharing some of the old posts, including this one from six years ago which is my second most searched for post of all time.  Apparently lots and lots of you have had this problem and it’s not really a surprise because I guess all of us are unicorns deep down:


So, really, this isn’t a post.  It’s just me reaching out into the universe so that other people aren’t as alone as I was when I realized I was part unicorn.

Every night I wash my face and examine it to see if I have any new wrinkles.  This isn’t OCD.  It’s just part of being a girl.  With OCD.  So, last night I washed my face and checked it carefully and it was normal and then this morning I woke up and found a three inch white hair growing out of the center of my forehead.

What the shit, y’all.

It was totally not there yesterday and today it’s there.  So I started to think that maybe Victor glued it on to my forehead in the middle of the night just to be a dick but I don’t want to ask him about it because THERE IS A THREE INCH HAIR GROWING OUT OF MY FACE AND THAT IS NOT SEXY.  So I pull it out with tweezers and I go to look on the internet for “fast-growing white hair” and turns out that there are a lots message boards (lots = more than two.  Specifically, three.) about people who woke up with long white hairs growing out of them and about half are growing out of the middle of their foreheads.  Which is a really weird coincidence.

And, yes, I remember my great grandma having those old-lady chin hairs but this is not that, let me assure you.  It’s a giant, white hair growing out of the center of my forehead.  And then I started thinking that horns are made out of the same thing that fingernails and hair are made of and maybe this is just the way I turn into a unicorn.  So it was probably just a very limp unicorn horn.  The bad news is that I freaked out and plucked it before documenting it in a picture but the good news is that according to these message boards these white alien hairs frequently come back out of nowhere so if it happens again I’ll totally take a picture of it.

Anyway, this post is just to say that if you got here looking for “HOLY SHIT WHY IS THERE A THREE INCH WHITE HAIR ON MY FOREHEAD?” you are not alone and you might be turning into a unicorn.

You are welcome.

PS. Please tell me something weird about your body so I feel less fucked up in comparison.

54 thoughts on “I don’t have the answers either.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. a lot of my hair fell out when I was at death’s door last year. Now that I’m healthier it’s starting to grow back. yay, right? well, yes, but… the new, shorter hair sticks out through my longer, left over hair, and it makes this crazy halo around my head. Also, it’s curly and my old hair is straight. Also, it is completely untamable. so i wear a lot of hats. I’ll be needing one of those JESUS CHRIST ones, stat. Thank you for being a super human rock star.

  2. also, thank you Kathleen, my super strong miracle best friend who just had half of her body removed. And introduced me to your fabulousness

  3. So, I know this is a little TMI, but I recently found my very first white hair… IT WAS A PUBE!!! UGH! And my first fast growing long hair in a random place was on my chest, LIKE A DUDE. What was the action in that phrase about growing hair on your chest? Gotta cut that one out of my daily schedule.

  4. I had a long hair like that appear inexplicably but it was in the middle of my chest which seems like a really awkward place for a unicorn horn to start growing but would probably stop people from giving me unwanted hugs.

  5. Something fucked up about my body? The weirdest one is that my butthole is sewn shut. That my uterus and my heart are each, independently, trying to kill me is also pretty weird. Especially from my uterus. I’ve never had kids, so it’s had a pretty darn easy life.

  6. I have an alien long hair growing from my left under boob, and it’s been growing for years. I’m glad it hasn’t turned into a unicorn horn because I’d have to be really careful not to hurt myself or someone else. Although it might come in handy if I was feeling stabby.

  7. I haaate those random white hairs. I used to get one on my right boob, and it would itch like crazy inside my bra. Then it stopped showing up. Seems to have migrated to my right shoulder blade. I keep thinking there’s a loose hair that’s fallen down my collar, try to pull it loose, and ow, that one’s attached. Now I check for it every day. I’ll go for weeks with nothing, and then bam! random white hair. How do they grow so fast?

  8. I have one of those hairs on my back. Also, I have to pluck nipple hair regularly.

  9. the random white one that showed up growing out of my temple in my twenties…and the black one that started growing magically out of the mole on my cheek. Again with no regularity just a spontaneous fully developed hair. And where the everloving fuck are the damn skin tags coming from?! Hope you are having a good trip! Loving the best of blog sequence

  10. Thank you for your bravery at coming out as a Unicorn. And for letting the rest of us know we aren’t alone. As for strange, I am the queen. Yes, grandma-ma-chin hair extensions are a thing, but most random was a 6 inch long growth on my uvula. NOT vulva, that would be something else entirely! It was a cyst that went down my throat in a most unappealing fashion. Long and thin and wiggly. Choked me all the time until I had surgery to have it removed. Nasty thing-but not cancerous.

  11. My son has a long white hair growing out of his cheek. He’s 6. It’s been there since he was 3; at least I only discovered it then when I took him in for a haircut–his hair was so long that it probably hid it. I have to trim the sucker or it will grow all the way down to his chin.

  12. I once plucked a hair out of a stretch mark on my hip and swear to Alannis Morrisette, it looked like a teeny feather.

  13. I have tons of these all over my body. I call them my plastic hairs. There is one in particular that grows directly in the center of my shoulder blades. It’s a pain to pluck. I pluck them all, my plastic alien hairs. Oh, and mine are clear. Clear plastic alien hairs.

  14. Long hair growing out of my nose. Not the nostril, the side of my nose. How does one not notice that thing at 1/4 inch before it reached its final 3/4 inch length? I decided I was a witch, finally.

  15. I have black ones that grow out of my chin and neck. . I pluck them with tweezers too. They’re thick and gross, I get them on mole on my face and on my boobs too.

  16. White chin whiskers, check.
    Black hairs sprouting from a mole on my cheek, check.
    Random wiry eyebrow hairs that suddenly are an inch long and stick out weirdly, check.
    Fine white hair growing from the outside of my right nostril, check.
    Even longer and finer white hair growing from my upper arm which I can’t quite pluck because I can’t focus on it from the corner of my eye with my progressive lenses but can’t see it at all without my glasses, check.

    Bodies are weird.

  17. I discovered my first gray hair at the back of my head and my first initial thought was “well, this is going to make dying my hair easier without bleach”.

  18. Hey Jenny –
    Longtime listener. First time caller.
    Just yesterday – for the first time in my life – I found a hair coming out of my nose that had longitude. Really.
    The only thing that saved me was that it was coiled like Ouroboros – feeding back in on itself – only in my nasal passages.
    I can’t actually prove it, but I’m pretty sure a hair from my big toe disappeared after I pulled the offending nose hair out. At least, it happened at the same time.
    Yours in hirsutism –
    Kim T

  19. once felt a sharp pain like a needle jabbing me in the heel. tore off my sneaker and sock to discover a long black wiry hair in a place i didn’t even think i had follicles. it was long enough i could pull it out with my fingers. it has been decades since— hasn’t come back.

  20. once felt a sharp pain like a needle jabbing me in the heel. tore off my sneaker and sock to discover a long black wiry hair in a place i didn’t even think i had follicles. it was long enough i could pull it out with my fingers. it has been decades since— hasn’t come back.

  21. Wholly FUCK 😂 have totally had-more than one time! Or mine will grow out the r side of my nose, close to forehead! So if I become a Unicorn my horn will be little offset! Not surprised. Seems everything about me is OFFSET! 😝

  22. Once in a while, My left knee insists it can bend in the way my knee was not meant to bend. Though the past couple weeks, during the night, it would want to try as I go from my bed to the bathroom. One night both knees decided they didn’t want to support my fat butt at all. They conspired to do this as the same time. I have yet to fall, as I catch myself on the bed each time. But they are a terrible influence on my ankles that like to get themselves sprained just walking down a set of stairs.

  23. Can you describe the hair a little more precisely? Was it a silvery-white, with just a hint of faded auburn glory in it? You see, lately I’ve been waking up with a little less head hair than I went to sleep with the night before, and if your hair matches mine, I’d suspect foul play.

  24. Got my hair (on my head, not any unicorn hair) cut last week. I’m in the chair, innocently chatting away with my stylist when she bursts out laughing, nearly falling over in her hysteria. The reason? She found a THREE INCH white hair growing out of MY EAR. Just one.

  25. I get those on my cheek under my eye sometimes. Maybe I’m turning into a rhino (I can’t spell the full thing – I’ve tried 5 times and autocorrect is not helping me!)

  26. I have a black pube that grows just under my bellybutton. I’ve let it grow to about 2 inches to see if itll stop, but finally plucked it out. It consistently grows back and I have to make sure I tweeze it before wearing a bathing suit!

  27. Oh, you REALLY don’t want to know. Trust me. You are far closer to “normal” than I!

  28. I thought I was the only one until an Irish boyfriend saw one on me and told me the name for it, which I’ve forgotten. I have one that crops up on my left breast and then when it leaves, I get another one on my right shoulder. It’s supposed to be good luck so don’t pluck it, at least according to some Irish legend.

  29. I’m in my 50’s now and the weird hair things are much less but when I was in my 40’s it happened all the time. From the side of my eye, I could see a very thin, pale hair growing out the side of my nose. It happened every month. I would never see it until I was at least two inches. Then I got one that grew on my neck. I plucked and plucked and plucked. For years. Now that I am in my 50’s it doesn’t happen. Much. I would get black whiskers on my upper lip and on my chin and they are thick but so much easier to pluck. Now that I’m an OLD LADY I get white ones. I get white PUBES. WTF? Now, they aren’t even white. They are shiny grey. But one good thing is that my legs don’t need to be shaved anymore. They don’t grow hair at all. Yay. I run a razor on my armpits about once a month. So there is that. Yeah, I’d rather be young again.

  30. random thin dark hair that grows on either lower side of my face. And yeah – NOTHING before bed & wake up to a min. 1 inch one in the morning. how the hell??? and white pubes? i tell everyone that is the only thing that sucks about getting old. the rest is meh.

  31. LUCY SNOWE – my hair stylist told me about a job hazard of theirs – get a hair splinter. i thought she was kidding, until i got one once. Holy shit it was painful! i’m wondering if she wished it on me for giving her an incredulous look when she told me about them….. DAMMIT!

  32. When I was 20 I had a dermoid. A cyst on my ovary that had teeth and hair in it. I have pictures. My sister named it Derek.

  33. I get one of those out of the middle of my chin. I check for it all the time but it only is visible and there to remove when my husband looks for it. I know.

  34. I get that all the time. And it is finer than my regular hair. I also get a sneaky one on my left eyebrow that winds around the other hairs so I don’t see it right away. Bodies are weird.

  35. My boyfriend has been going bald since I met him and there is one hair that likes to grow about two inches south of his hairline on his forehead. I always want to get rid of it. He doesn’t let me. All those weird hairs man!

  36. I’m 52 this year and for the past couple years my eyebrows have been mutating from nice, polite, gently curving stripes above the eye – to wiry, unruly, rampant beasts that refuse to lie down properly. Seriously, they’re beginning to rival my husband’s old-Portuguese-man eyebrows, and he trims his! Also, this past March, I kept feeling something tickling my right nostril while I was out running errands, but there was nothing on my face. When I got home I discovered that the culprit was a hair on my upper lip that had TWISTED UPWARD INTO MY NOSTRIL! Out came the tweezers. Later that night, out came the Nair.

  37. I have one wild eyebrow hair. Left eye, and it grows out at least twice as long as any other brow hairs. It has a distinct wave and is white with a dark tip. Just keeps coming back…

  38. Once upon a time I found a 3 inch white hair growing out of my abdomen. My husband (who is a redhead) has a long, black, thick eyebrow hair that only grows over his right eye. And we have named it Michael.

  39. I lost two teeth as a child when they were accidentally pulled out by a sheep. True story, great to tell at parties.

  40. I had a white horn shaped thing growing on my tongue. Like you, I did not take a picture.
    it has not grown back yet but if it does the first thing I’ll do is take a picture

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