I don’t even fucking know but maybe that’s good.

Remember when my life wasn’t about my dog’s bladder?  ME EITHER.

But I realize that most of you love Dottie enough that you are having a long-distance love affair with her so I don’t feel terribly bad for sharing all of this.  We got back  to town yesterday and we still don’t have the final test results but what I can say is that the A&M vets are amazing and I love them.

They did a CT scan and at first glance nothing looked overtly cancery, which is great.  They also put a camera up Dottie’s lady garden and saw the weird thickening of the bladder but didn’t see anything that looked like a tumor or lesion so they just took biopsies from different areas.  Honestly based on just first looks it doesn’t look cancer but the B-RAF test they did said it was definitely cancer so who fucking knows?  What they think is that either the cancer is so very early (which is good because it maybe hasn’t spread but bad because they don’t know how to treat this early) or maybe the B-RAF test was inaccurate (although it has an extremely high accuracy rate for positives) or that she has some other issue that’s causing the issue and it’s somehow presenting as cancer.  We’ll know more next week but this feels like more good news than bad news so I’m going with that.

The bad news is that Dottie has been really uncomfortable at times and then with the stress of the last week and the pain she’s probably in from all the procedures yesterday she did what little dogs sometimes do in that she got scared and bit the shit out of me.  And normally I’d shrug it off and be glad that she’s too small to do any real damage but I think the stress of this and of my grandfather being in the hospital with head trauma and my grandmother struggling with dementia and feeling like things were fairly dark I started crying hysterically and couldn’t stop.  Luckily it was late and Hailey was asleep but I think it scared the crap out Victor (and Dottie) and honestly me too.  But there’s something very cleansing about those sorts of cries and today I feel better.  Utterly exhausted and unable to concentrate on all the deadlines I have looming but…I don’t know…cleaner, somehow?

I don’t have an end to this because I’m too tired to pull it all into a coherent thought but I just wanted to say that if you’re struggling right now you are not alone.  And that I’m so grateful to have you listening and to have my family and to live in an age where there is help, even if there aren’t always cures.  Right now my mom is dealing with so much with my grandmother and my aunt is dealing with so much with my grandfather and my grandparents are dealing with very hard cards and I wish that I could send them strength but all I can really do is tell them how grateful I am that they exist and how much I love them.  And I’m grateful for you too.  You, who struggle in ways that are seen and unseen.  You will get through this.  I will too.

261 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Good point: expressing gratefulness. It too often goes unsaid, but means so much!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sometimes you don’t have to be okay, and that’s fine. Just keep doing you. We are all rooting for your family and Dottie!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Awww I needed this today! Had a real long cry at work (the worst kind of cry!) Also I will give dottie a new bladder!!

    Like

  4. Thank you Jenny. Sending love and strength to you as well.

    Like

  5. Sometimes it seems like Karma has some kind of hateful hard-on for your whole family. I hate it’s all piling on like this. Sending hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m sorry you are having such a hard time. I hope things get better soon. Sending much love.

    Like

  7. TONS of hugs, kisses and prayers to you and your family Jenny. Good vibes are coming your way, those of us struggling will be here for you. Together we will get through all of this! Love you so much!

    Like

    thehuntress915 recently posted The Huntress Is Not A Man Basher.

  8. You don’t know how much I needed to read this today. My doctor diagnosed me with moderate depression last week, which really threw me for a loop. Me? But my stress is mostly worrying about the people in my life – it’s not me. But apparently worrying for other people is starting to overwhelm me so that I don’t sleep well and I’m tired a lot. We WILL get through this, and that reminder for me should bounce back to you, too. A good cry helps.

    Like

  9. 9
    Joni van Gelder

    oh my goodness. I totally get feeling cleaner after a purging wailing session. Holding it in and trying to be brave is exhausting! Don’t forget what health care providers will tell you about caring for someone you love that is ill….. take care of yourself so you CAN take care of them. That means letting yourself cry when you need to. We’re here. you’re not ever alone. hugs to all of you humans, and your little dog too :>)

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  10. 10
    [.........]

    those cries can be so great. releasing so much of that stress. glad you had one. you are dealing with A LOT.

    Like

  11. Big ugly cries are the best and I’m glad you got that release. I know that “cleansed yet unsettled and unable to focus” feeling well, though. I don’t envy you that and you have my sympathy.

    Like

  12. 12
    Nicki Marie

    We see you too.
    All my love and prayers to you and your family and Dottie.

    Like

  13. The exhaustion from crying like a madwoman: Yes, very cleansing. I’m so sorry for your pain. I truly, truly hope that Dottie feels better and that the test finally indicate something treatable. Hang in there, and thanks for keeping us posted! ❤

    Like

  14. 14
    evening0star

    you are dealing with A LOT so it makes sense you had a good cry. which can be so releasing (which sounds weird but what else do you call it?). I’m glad you’re feeling better.

    Like

  15. This is so stressful, I would be a walking disaster if I were you. You’re doing a really good job at holding everyone (including yourself) together. Just know that. You’re doing a good job. You’re doing a good job. You’re doing a good job.

    Liked by 1 person

    romcomdojo recently posted My Girlfriend / She’s At The End.

  16. Wishing you, Dottie, and your whole family lots of love.

    Like

  17. Jenny, I am not struggling but I am very supportive of all who are. Wishing you, your family and most certainly Dottie calmer moments amongst the daily storms.

    Like

  18. 18
    wolfworker

    Sometime’s life just bites! Crying works!

    Like

  19. Yes we love Dottie and we love you! Sending you all the love and virtual hugs in the world!

    Like

  20. Thanks for the update. Life can literally suck the life out of you at times. Like you said…it will be okay.

    Like

  21. Deep hysterical, cathartic cries are the best! And always allow me to dial back the stress for a little bit.
    I’m so sorry that things are you are stuck in this shitty tornado of stress, and I hope that there is some good news on the horizon. Light and Love coming at you.

    Like

  22. Yay for you Jenny! That out-of-control-cry-wailing feels awful – hey, out of control? But is so so very cleansing. I had one of those right before Christmas when I was sick and we were supposed to travel and my throat hurt so bad and I couldn’t talk and the cry came out as a barking that scared my husband but he held me while I wail-barked. We pet lovers really feel deeply, they’re as much family as family is and I’d had to have my beautiful Maine Coon, Olivia, put down because she was suffering with cancer and while I was wishing we could have that compassion for our people, I was wail-barking and blaming myself for paying someone to kill me beloved cat because that’s how twisted we are in our urge to lay guilt. So yay for your crying. DO IT! And then pat yourself on the back super hard because you have the heart of a person who loves animals as family.

    Like

  23. Fingers crossed Jenny that ultimately it’s good news for Dottie and everyone in your family.

    Like

  24. Thanks ❤️

    Like

  25. Everyone just lean on the person to your left, and first & last lean on each other and we will circle our wagons and get through it together. I only believe that because of Jenny telling me we can every day.
    ❤ I see you. Even those of you who refuse to be seen, which is a trick I’m very familiar with. Lean on me.

    Liked by 1 person

    Shannon akaMonty recently posted Double the fun! Or more likely double, double, toil and trouble..

  26. It’s all good. OK, maybe not good, but it’s not all bad. Well, maybe not tragic. Oh, fuck. Just hang in there, we love you, and thanks for the reminder that none of us is alone. ❤

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  27. I definitely always feel better after a good hard cry. Keeping you in my heart—you have a lot going on right now. Be kind to yourself.

    Like

  28. all the hugs

    Like

  29. Sending hugs, it’s so hard with grandparents when everyone needs something. I’ve been there and the grateful thing is the most important. I’m so glad I told mine exactly what you’re telling yours now (sorry for the crappy sentence structure!)
    I’m so sorry this has been such a rough run and I’m sending good vibes to Dottie B and everyone else!

    Like

    knockingonfortysdoor recently posted Bag of Hair Blues….

  30. Sending you so much love. I’m struggling right now and crying so much it’s leaving me drained. I’m trying to stay in the moment because thinking too much about what lies ahead scares the fuck out of me. Shit I didn’t mean to make this about me. I just want you to know you are not alone and we will get through this. ❤️

    Like

  31. I’m grateful for you, too. No matter what you are going through, you find some way to support others. You have a marvelous spirit even if you don’t see it.

    Like

  32. I love you and honestly, having a strong reaction like that is one of the ways you can teach dogs not to bite. So maybe it was a good thing on top of being a good cry to get everything out? It was your version of biting the shit out of all of the things that are happening.

    Like

  33. 33
    Adrianne C.

    Sending love.

    Like

  34. I remember my uncle, who was a surgeon (a people surgeon, though, not a pet surgeon) saying once that tests have become so sophisticated that things show up as “abnormal” now that might have always been that way but tests couldn’t pick them up before. Or that things that are abnormal might not be as abnormal as we thought because they haven’t previously been studied enough. Or that “abnormal” covers a broad range and needs to be taken with all the other information that can be gleaned. So in other words, Dottie’s results from the A&M vets is very reassuring because taken in context, the B-RAF test might not be as indicative as it seemed. Big hugs to you and the family, and we are all here for you if and when you need us.

    Like

  35. Have you tried Bach Flower Remedies for Dottie? Dogs and cats respond beautifully to them. I’m happy to send you a book about how they can help Dottie especially since she is stressed, (you too!) Here to help if you need it. P.S. I can send physical books or PDF’s as you prefer.

    Like

  36. Thinking of you and your loved ones and wishing for everything to work out in the best way possible. I’m sorry Dottie bit you… I would have cried too. Just know she loves you and you are her universe and she didn’t mean it.

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  37. 37
    Cassie Hollingsworth

    I have been there so many times where it all feels like it’s falling apart, and those cries always help. I’m sorry you’re going through any of this ever, but especially that you’re going through all of it all at the same time.

    I hope Dottie feels better soon, and they find a good therapy for her. Just know bringing her here was the right thing to do. I’ll keep the whole gang in my thoughts and prayers, and know that we’ve all got your back just like you always have ours.

    Like

  38. 38
    Sherry Silguero

    Wishing all of you nothing but good, happy things. Thank you fo being you, and sharing your life and family with us. You’ve gotten me through, more than once and I don’t have enough words to express my appreciation ❤️

    Like

  39. Life is overwhelming sometimes so I get it completely. Dogs, kids, spouses, relatives. I am not going to share my tales of woe because frankly, it’s like a bad novel. Anyway, i know where you are coming from. I came home one evening after an exceptionally trying and emotional draining day and lost it because the dog didn’t greet me. I get it. She was pissed because I left her alone, but I didn’t need her rejection and her version of a doggie eye roll.
    These are things that are beyond our control so we just have to realize that, deal with it and move forward. Hang in there. You aren’t alone. We aren’t alone.

    Like

  40. 40
    Candy Buffington

    (1) I’m sorry you are enduring all of this. I’m sorry for Dottie…I’m sorry for your Mom…I’m sorry for your Aunt…I’m sorry for your Grandparents…and I’m sorry for you. (2) Thank you for posting this and pointing out to me that I’m not the only one going through a shit show right now. Perhaps what I need to do is sit and ugly cry and I too, will possibly feel better. Keep your chin up, girl…this too shall pass…like a fucking kidney stone, but it shall pass.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. 41
    Grafton Girl

    You are not alone, either. Cyber hugs and chocolate

    Like

  42. Sometimes you need that huge cleansing cry (though it might have been nice to get it without the chomp, no matter how understandable it may have been on Dottie’s part). I am glad you’re feeling a little more cleansed today, and that the news is sounding at least goodish. I am sending all my love to you and your whole crew – and, of course, Dottie. ❤

    Like

  43. I’m so sorry this is happening to your family, but we’re all here for you guys and sending hugs. Stay strong, Jenny!

    Like

  44. Thank you, I needed this today. I cried like that last week. It helped a little bit.
    Fingers and paws crossed for Dottie’s test results.

    Like

  45. 45
    lilmisslulu

    Sometimes you just have to let it all out. You are an amazing person and yes it’s O.K. not to be O.K.. Our pets are a part of the family.

    Like

  46. Sending you and yours lots of love… it is so hard sometimes but you have many cheering for you from the sidelines. Keep going, it will get better.

    Like

  47. I love you for sharing your struggles with us so we don’t feel alone. Much love to you, your family, and, of course, Dottie.

    Like

    Lori Sizemore recently posted Cupid’s Cafe #1 – Painting for Keeps.

  48. Jenny, in spite of everything or because of everything, you reminded me that we are all here to lift each other up. All the best to you and All your family.

    Like

  49. 49
    get_christie_love

    Puppies are special. Grandfathers are special. You are officially overwhelmed. I prescribe wine and a movie. Or whatever it is that feels like a treat to you. Mine is ice cream, nail salon, and cocooning myself in my bed. All 3 can happen for sure. 💜💜💜

    Like

  50. I definitely understand the pleasure that comes from a good cry. Sometimes you just need to get out all your anger, frustration, and sadness over what’s going on. It may freak the crap out of people, but I feel a lot better after.

    Like

  51. I think you cried for me too, since I haven’t been able to yet, and for that I thank you. Turns out my step-dad (who’s the only real father I know) died back in May, and my brother still hasn’t let me know. All of the emotions, I am feeling them. So thank you for taking on my tears. I’ve got you covered for the next round, pinky-swear.

    Like

  52. I just want to give all of you the biggest virtual hugs. This is just hard. And exhausting.

    Like

  53. sometimes it’s just all too much and we need to cry. happens to the best of us. hugs to you and your family.

    Like

  54. Thank you so much for this post. Know that you are not alone either. Life continues to batter us, but there will always be moments of calm in the storm. We need to be grateful for those – even if they come after a good, cleansing guttural sobfest.

    Like

  55. Oh, I get you. I had a hard cry after taking my new pup, Riggie, for her first vet visit yesterday. She’s a research lab rescue beagle and we’ve only had her two days but when her tummy was upset & she wouldn’t eat her breakfast, off to the vet we went. I broke down in the car after because she received the same treatment (subcut fluids, antinausea injection) that my sweet Frances (also a research lab rescue beagle) had received on her last vet visit before she passed. It was the build-up of that worry and guilt, and a family member’s illness and waiting for test results, and work stress, and ugh, everything. I felt so much better, but I scared the crap out of my husband when Riggie and I returned from the vet with my face blotchy and red and my eyes swollen. Anyway, you and Dottie have our love and we’re sending you our very fiercest wishes for everything to be okay, whatever okay may be.

    Like

  56. 56
    Carrie Schiller

    Sounds exactly like my Dads bladder cancer “adventure “(guess that’s not the right word cause who the hell would sign up for that, but for lack of a better word we will say “adventure “) He has no tumors…bladder looks good, yet keeps testing positive for cancer cells. So we are in a watch and wIt with him…scan every 3-6 months, lots of prayers, offerings up to the greater power for good results(even offered my kids, just kidding, maybe🤪) Oh and as far as her biting…after many of those procedures with my Dad….I’m pretty sure he would have bitten us if he could have gotten away with it!! Just saying!! 🐶 I’ll keep Dottie and you in my prayers! I used to work with Victor years ago and enjoy following your blog!!! Hang in there!!

    Like

  57. I don’t cry as easily as I did when I was younger so now when I really sob, it’s usually very cathartic. Sending you and yours lots of love and strength. (and tissues)

    Like

  58. The hardest thing in the world is to see the ones you love in pain and not be able to help them, and oh, sweetie, it sounds like you have that in spades. Know that you have love and virtual hugs surrounding you and your family. Take care of yourself as best as you can and if you haven’t seen a doctor about those bites, please do.

    Like

  59. A good cry is often a good thing, I have found. Glad you’re feeling better!

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  60. Lots of love.

    Like

  61. Hope a good resolution to all the hard things comes soon so everyone can breathe again. Hanging in there with you… take care. ❤️❤️

    Like

  62. I really needed this post. I’m in a very dark place.

    CW: abuse, death,

    My dad has dementia and my stepmother told me and my sister she was going to divorce him for his money. So we had to sue her to take care of him. We never saw him again and even after his dementia diagnosis, she wrote me out of his will. Well he died because she placed him in a bad facility because it was close to her, not caring about my dad. He choked to death less than 24 hours after placement. Well she died shortly after and left my dad’s hard work (she never worked) to my step-brother who molested me. So now my molester inherited my dad’s $1.2M hard work savings and there is nothing I can do. I’ve been in a really bad place because of this and migraines. I just don’t want to see tomorrow most of the time and haven’t showered in two weeks and can’t get out of bed. I’m struggling. I’m a shell of who I was and can’t get past it. I see a psychiatrist weekly and a therapist for EMDR. Now we are doing med changes on top of everything.

    Life sucks.

    Like

  63. Definitely sounds like encouraging news to me so yay for that! Also, I just want to say, I think the crying is a good thing too even though it felt scary at the time. And really, why wouldn’t your crying feel a little scary? You’re going through some scary shit in a few different parts of your life right now. Anyway, that’s my take away for whatever it’s worth. Praying for your Miss Dottie and your whole family. ❤️

    Like

  64. 64
    Margot Williams

    That kind of cathartic weeping functions like the valve on a pressure cooker, I think.

    Sending love and light.

    Like

  65. We’re all in this together.

    Like

  66. You don’t have to be perfect or even react appropriately to your circumstances for us. I wish I had understanding fans to vent to. We’re all living you, Dottie, and Victor up to the higher powers we collectively believe in. You’re loved and liked. Feel what you need. Let it out. We can handle it.

    Like

  67. Oh I needed to read this so much today. It’s been a hard couple of weeks with my family and there’s some big changes on the horizon. I’m trying to stay out of things that don’t concern me, but it’s hard when people you love are hurting.

    Kisses and scritches to Miz Dottie… we are all cheering for her lady bits to be healthy

    Like

  68. hug Sometimes ya just need an emotional purge.

    I hope things get better for you soon. Or at least more definitive, as not knowing is its own awful kind of stress.

    Like

  69. Hugs

    Like

  70. 70
    Rebecca C Campbell

    Dear Jenny and Dottie, Sometimes the hysterical crying is healthy. I’ve been there and it is scary for all involved. I would gladly donate my bladder to Dottie, but it is 58 years old and leaky. Keep your respective chins up, ladies.

    Like

  71. Big ugly cries are needed and are very helpful. I am sending nothing but positive thoughts to you, Dottie, and your family. Know that you are not alone and are loved. And thank you for keeping us up-to-date on Dottie – pets are a part of this tribe too and their wellbeing is important to us too 🙂

    Like

  72. 72
    Amanda George

    You have always been such an inspiration to me. We all love you and wish nothing but the best for you and Dottie in this situation. Sending you all positive vibes and lots of love and hope.

    Like

  73. 73
    christyfollis

    My heart goes out to you and your family, and adorable little Dotty. She’s such a cutie pie of a dog, and I know how much you love her. I hope she’s going to be Okay, and this will all turn out well for you and your family.

    You mentioned Dotty’s bladder having a thickening…weirdly, so does mine.
    My recent surgery and ungodly amount of sadistic tests revealed that one side had developed a thicker wall. The general consensus is that my bladder is like Popeye’s spinach muscle, only on one side…due to some long term Lady Garden issues….and had built up the one-sided muscle to compensate for the weakness in going pee-pee.

    I hope that’s what’s up with Dotty’s bladder as well!!
    She’s just got a Popeye’s Spinach muscle!

    Christy
    (saltycookie)

    Like

  74. Dottie does not have cancer. Shes an overbred breed that gets bladder problems. Cant test cancer by peeing in a cup. Lots of false positives. Something is irritating her bladder. Wrong meds and food will make it worse.

    Like

  75. My dog bit me (for the first time ever) a couple of weeks ago, for really no reason except I think he was worn out from a day playing in the heat. I read that dogs are like humans where sometimes they just have had enough and they can’t ball their eyes out like us. I, like you, blubbered like a two year old mostly because it hurt like a MF but also I felt a built up pressure leave my dark messy mind and body. I take good lengthy cries now and again but not the loud baby kind. I think we should take those kind more often and more proudly. You are right to hold on to the positive. Be proud of yourself that your mind is letting you! Dottie is getting lots of healing vibes from me. I am sending you a big hug.

    Like

  76. 76
    Rebecca S Altes

    Thank you and same and one foot in front of the other and one doctor appointment in front of the other and sometimes we have to get through the drudging slog to find the sun. Love to you and all of yours!

    Like

  77. It’s okay to not be okay. You’re being a wonderful mom to Dottie. Feeling gratitude is the best thing you can do. It will help you feel better. Love and hugs to you all. ❤️

    Like

  78. I think this sounds like good news, and I’m glad to be part of a tribe who cheers together for the good stuff and huddles together for the other stuff. ❤️❤️❤️

    Like

  79. It’s funny I was just thinking about your grandmother today and how sweet she was and how she’d give you all sorts of good food. Sooooo sorry she’s not doing well but I’m happy she exists.

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  80. Things are fine for me right now. And so I am sending extra strength and positivity to you and our other tribe members who may need some.

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  81. Just sending love to you and the whole family! Sorry, girlfriend! ❤️

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  82. Can dogs get interstitial cystitis? It sounds a heck of a lot like the description I was given of my um … issues.

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  83. Oh, honey. I’m so sorry all of this is hitting you at once. I’m sending positive thoughts and vibes if that does anything for you. ❤

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  84. Sending you a big hug all the way from Ohio. I hope you can feel it.

    Like

  85. I too cry sometimes in ugly loud way and feel so much better when I’m done. Pets are like my children to me too.

    Like

  86. I’m glad you feel just a little bit better. I’m praying Dottie either doesn’t have cancer, or that it can be successfully treated. I’m also praying for you and your family. You are all such amazing humans, and don’t deserve all this mess and tragedy.

    I hope your grandpa gets well soon. I’m so sorry ab6your grandma. That’s a horrible disease to watch someone you love go through. ❤

    Like

  87. I’m grateful for you, Jenny, because sometimes I feel like I need permission to feel weak and cry, and your blog gives me that. Thank you for all you do.

    Like

  88. 88
    angelicedg

    My dog, who I have had since I was 12 (I am 25 now), is getting older and it has become more and more real that someday I won’t have her. I can understand your pain. Most of the time I believe I can get through it. With this crew here I know I can.

    Like

  89. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the sick/older dog biting the crap out of you department. My 13yr old toy fox terrier bit the shit out of me the other day. It was my fault, (he’s been getting more aggressive I his old age) I was having him do tricks with food instead of treats (long story, can’t have treats due to liver disease), and his brother, my mom’s 9m/o puppy lunged for the food. I tried to push him away, when my dog went after him and got me instead. I immediately started sobbing, thinking that I’m a failure as a dog owner to have a “vicious” animal.

    So reading this, only a few days later, helps me to know that I’m not alone! I know he probably only bit me because he was going for the puppy, and he’s getting grumpy as he ages, but it still hurts your heart to have a beloved pet “turn on you” like that.

    Like

  90. My blog started as a graduate homework assignment. Then I found your book, and because of you I have tried to be more open and personal, instead of just stories. I’ve written about my father’s death and the recent passing of my dog (due to cancer) because of your willingness to share. So, to you I say, you too are not alone. Others have been through what you are going through.
    As terrible as it may be, at least you have those around you that may bring sorrow, but only because there is a love there, and you care about their well-being. All my grandparents have long passed, my father and his sisters, and I am only in my forties.
    We enjoy what we had and find peace in the knowledge that they loved us too. God bless.

    Like

  91. 91
    katatvandy

    You will make it through this dark time, as you always have before. There’s light at the end of the tunnel but you just can’t see it right now because the tunnel is long. Keep moving forward and you’ll find out.

    Like

  92. Virtual internet hugs, Jenny!

    Like

  93. 93
    icebear2018

    It’s happened to all of us. Mine was a cockatiel. It feels like rejection on the most basic level. HUGS.

    Like

  94. 94
    Judy Mieger

    I am so sorry for your pain.
    As of yesterday afternoon, my life is no longer all about my dog’s bladder. I sat on the floor at the vet’s and held her precious curly brown head and sang to her as tears dripped from my eyes: WE ARE ALL WALKING EACH OTHER HOME, and FOLLOW THE LIGHT, HOLY LIGHT–FOLLOW THE LIGHT HOME, and finally MY GRATEFUL HEART, SO FILLED WITH YEARS OF LIVING…
    Sweet Gracie, The Perfect Dog, smiled at me, as she was famously known to do. And she went into the Light.
    it was time.
    Then I went for a walk in the woods.
    What a gift, these 13 years with her.
    What a gift, these memories.

    Like

  95. gentle hugs to you if you’d like them So much love to you!!! You’ve got this. It’s okay to cry–however you need to. You have so much going on!!! I hope everything comes out alright for all of you.

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  96. 96
    Gerrie Mooney

    I really hope it turns out to be something other than cancer, I just had to put down one of my dogs with cancer. It is always hard but when they are so young it seems especially unfair. And watching someone with dementia is heart wrenching. My mom had dementia and I took care of her for 10 years. The whole family suffers.

    Like

  97. 97
    lachatlunatic

    Thank you for sharing both the good and bad. We are all in this together and knowing that I/we are not alone in our sorrow and joy when it comes is comforting. You are the best at putting it all in words.

    Like

  98. Apparently anaesthetic can make dogs a bit paranoid and hallucinate, so on top of all she’s been through, there’s that – she might not have recognised you in the moment. It just feels so awful at the time, not the physical thing, but the fact they see you as someone who is a threat.

    It all sounds pretty tough, so no wonder you cried. There’s such a strength in tears, and getting back in the game right after, you have so much strength and courage. Thanks for sharing your tough stuff.

    Like

  99. I’m struggling too Jenny. Wish I could have a good cry. I rarely cry. I pray for Dottie and you. We have our crosses to bear. I wish they’d come up with a magic pill to fix us. Been fighting my issues since 1985. God must have a reason for it all, unfortunately we dont know what it is. Love you Jenny. Peace

    Like

  100. Crying jags are also better than the alternative (which is usually the urge to stab all irritating people). As much as we want to be the stoic ones, the strong ones – sometimes the rock needs to crumble for a moment. Hope some good news comes your way soon.

    Like

  101. 101
    Anonymous

    I love you, Jenny…and your whole family and all your furbabies! I hope things get better soon.

    Like

  102. Biggest hugs to you and yours for all you are dealing with right now.

    Like

  103. https://www.facebook.com/ajax/sharer?appid=586254444758776&p%5B0%5D=2601875876509434&id=2601875876509434&s=22

    THis doggo is in our rescue. She had massive amounts of stones removed yesterday. Hopefully, Dottie just has benign ones. Praying for you both. I just got some terrible news about my health and always put my own needs on the back burner and then break down when no one’s around too. Sending love and belly rubs (those are for Dottie, because rubbing your belly would be weird). 😂

    ________________________________

    Like

  104. 104
    Seana Gause

    I’m grateful for your good news about Dottie. I’m also grateful that with all the stuff you have going on, that you are feeling it too. Better than not feeling it and being numb. We are always here for you. I’m sorry that your grandparents are having such a rough time. Getting old SUCKS. No two ways about it.

    Like

  105. 105
    KimberlyDi

    Dottie loves you so much. For her to bite, there must be pain and fear in large quantities. Prayers for quick healing for both your bodies and your heart. 2019 has been a rough year for many. Hugs.

    Like

  106. 106
    Anonymous

    Salt water in the form of tears can be very healing. I’m sorry for all you and your family are going through — sending light and love to you and yours

    Like

  107. Love you J. Hopefully things will be better off than feared.

    Like

  108. I have been doing a lot of crying because I fell yesterday and broke my foot. I am single and live alone with my two dogs and am sort of a one-woman rodeo and am really worried about how this will play out. I won’t be able to work for several to many weeks, and I am scared about what that means financially. I do have family close by and some friends that have offered to help, but I hate being a bother. I do have an amazing therapist to help me navigate all the emotions and feelings I am wading through, and after a session with her today, I do feel that same cleansing…she gave me a couch to lie on and space to cry, and it was definitely helpful.

    Thanks so much for giving us this safe space…sending love and light your way!

    Liked by 1 person

  109. It’s always kind of traumatic when our own dogs bite us, even when we understand the reason and they didn’t mean it. With all you’ve been dealing with lately, some cathartic tears are understandable. Fingers, toes, and dewclaws crossed that Dottie’s prognosis is good!

    Liked by 1 person

  110. Sending you so much love! Dottie is so lucky to have such an amazing mommy!!

    Like

  111. 111
    Anonymous

    Sending you so much love! Dottie is very lucky to have such and amazing mommy!

    Like

  112. 112
    Anonymous

    Oops. Sorry I just posted that twice.

    Like

  113. I’m glad the cry helped. Sometimes those start-and-can’t-stop-for-awhile ones do. I hope Victor and Hailey have their ways of dealing with the stress buildup moments. You all have quite a lot going on right now.

    I wish there was something I could do to help beyond telling you that you are all in my heart and I’m sending as many positive thoughts and well wishes as I can. All my best Jenny.

    Like

  114. Needed this today too. My barely-adult daughter has been sick for two weeks with an unknown ailment. Nothing apparently life threatening, but the frustration and fear of imagining worst case scenarios as all the “typical” test stuff comes back negative is exhausting.

    Like

  115. 115
    Anonymous

    The best thing about this whole post is that you told us. I am sorry that you and your family are in the weeds. Really sorry.

    Like

  116. 116
    Connie Flickinger

    This is why we all love you. You are real and honest. (And also sometimes absofuckinglutely hilarious!) Praying for you and Dottie and your whole family.

    Like

  117. 117
    Anonymous

    I didn’t see you say “And then I went to the ER and got a tetanus booster” so I’ll be your forgotten Aunt Minerva (remember my fruitcake?) and say, you likely need to get that looked at and depending on the interval, may need a tetanus booster.
    I have a fun story that involves me getting “the shit bit outta me” by my indoor cat and trying to soak my wrist in Epsom salts for two days. Went to ER with my baseball-mitt swollen hand and was promptly admitted, stripped, slapped on a bed and put on IV’s, where I stayed for two days. And there were people in the ER lobby both sobbing and bleeding profusely. My leap over that triage pool scared me more than the pain.
    Cat bites are considered the more lethal because the tiny wound sites close up around the poison, effectively inoculating the bitee with poisons. Dog bites generally tear, though Dot’s may not have since she moved so fast.
    My cat was as instantly sorry as I’m sure Dot is. Really hope you see this, dear Jen, and that you call your Doc.

    Like

  118. Nothing like having a good, cleansing cry. Sending ❤️❤️❤️.

    Like

    mariner2mother recently posted Trip To The Northeast.

  119. Sending love and good thoughts to you and your entire family.

    Like

  120. I am glad you were able to have a good cry. I am so sorry that she bit you, though. That’s unsettling for both of you.

    Like

    becomingcliche recently posted Notes From the Zookeeper: Saying Goodbye.

  121. You are doing a magnificent job! YAY that you cried like that. You are a human being and anyone else in your shoes would have imploded by now!

    After all these years I funnily still scare my husband a bit with my occasional deep scary cries. He knows to just listen, hold me and get me tissues. He knows that those are necessary for me during times of intense stress and or tragedy. We’ve overcome some pretty intense/tragic situations over just the 5 years we’ve been married… stuff that would strip the paint off a car. Now is one of those times again for us. We joke that our family crest should be the Phoenix!

    I’m glad you allowed yourself to release. I think releasing helps cleanse the spirit and makes room for the mind and heart to come into acceptance and to look ahead. I also believe that those moments help us understand our limits and (begrudgingly in my case lol) ask for assistance, guidance, helping hands, etc. I think our feelings a lot of times point us toward what we need so that we can take care of ourselves and thus have the reserves necessary to endure and thrive.

    We all see you Jenny and send our light to you. The worst is when multiple clumps of huge scary/tragic things happen all at once like in your case! Currently dealing with a huge clump of awful myself, so I decided today to make a list of things I can in fact control when so much big impactful stuff is out of my hands. Doing that list has actually given me comfort and shifted my focus positively.

    So very sorry about absolutely everything and hope for the best in all of these difficult situations! Hugs and prayers!

    Like

  122. 122
    Another Jenny L

    Very glad you’re here and glad we can be here for you and each other too. Much love.

    Like

  123. Sending positive vibes to you, Dottie, and the family. Why is life so dang hard?!?

    Like

  124. 124
    purplepenguin

    I am struggling too, and send positive thoughts to you, your family (all of them) and Dottie. Crying jags can be cleansing, a stress relief. Be sure to do what you need to do to reinforce your sense of well being. Do something fun or joyful or simply crazy everyday. Take care and keep us updated.

    Like

  125. 125
    Anonymous

    I’m just so glad I found your blog. It is so nice to be a part of such an empathetic community

    Like

  126. 126
    Anonymous

    A big cleansing cry is cleansing for the soul!!! Let it out! Sorry the pup got scared

    Like

  127. 127
    Pat Rousseau

    Crying is good. Sending you all well wishes and good karma. (and caramel corn if you want it… really I would)

    Like

  128. 128
    Anonymous

    Everyone in my house is struggling with different levels of mental illness right now, which is so hard to watch as a mom. Then Sunday night our beloved 13 year old dog died. We can’t see over our shit pile right now, but reading your post gave me a little shovel. Thanks, love to you.

    Like

  129. Love you, love Dottie, love her bladder, love big crying jags! I know it’s hard right now, but I know you will get through this, with the support and love of your family and friends (and us!). Sending gentle hugs to you and Dottie!

    Like

  130. This post almost made me have a big cleansing cry. It could still happen, I’m not dismissing it. You have so much going on and you will get through it. I am so grateful you, Victor, Hailey, Dottie, and all the cats share your lives with us. I know that my life would be a lot less without you. ❤

    Like

  131. 131
    Anonymous

    You’ve got this Jenny… ever notice how clear and fresh everything looks after a hard rain? Same with a good cry…my best to your family and yes, Dorothy falls in that category most definitely!

    Like

  132. 132
    mckennadeanromance

    I think the hardest thing about getting bitten by your own dog like this is that in so many ways it feels like a betrayal. You love Dottie and are trying to do your best for her and are worried sick because you don’t have concrete answers and HOW COULD SHE, only she’s a little dog who’s been poked and prodded and overstimulated in the rudest of manners and it was just so easy to redirect that irritability toward you. I’m sorry that happened but it had more to do with her wanting to be left alone than anything meant for you personally–even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time.

    That bite popped a fetid mass of emotion that needed to come out. It was a hard way to get cleansing, but I’m glad you feel better for it. Keeping everything crossed for you that the results will come back NOT cancer, and that you can find a way to manage her issues.

    Like

  133. 133
    Kelly Wiltsey

    I’m sorry your family’s going through all this, Jenny. My dad’s in the hospital with complications from idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, and he’s been on antibiotics and steroids for several days. The disease has progressed very rapidly, and he’s going to be in a study which will hopefully prolong his life. We think they’ll start the study tomorrow, and he’ll be in the hospital for the entire 19 days of it, and he’s already been hospitalized since Friday night. Plus my mother in law has bone marrow cancer and just started her treatments Monday.

    So you’re not alone, and life can be really horrible sometimes. I hope Dottie’s news is all good and that they did catch her cancer really early. Much love to all of tou.

    Like

  134. Have so been there. Ugly crying for much less than an obviously painful dog bite. It may lighten your soul. This will pass. Thank you for guiding us all.

    Like

  135. 135
    Anonymous

    Nica
    I too am having a very rough time with life right now. Lots of tears and no good answers. Thank you for your constant honesty. It sincerely helps to hear I am not alone. I have awesome four legged friends that get me through the rough spots too. Don’t know why things have to be so hard and seemingly way too often.

    Like

  136. Wishing Dottie, you, and your family better days. ❤️

    Like

  137. Ugh. Too much at once. For you, your family, and poor Dottie. If the cancer is early, that has to be better news. Maybe it will be slow growing 🤞🏽🤞🏽. Dottie just doesn’t understand why all this is happening. I would have slumped into a puddle of tears faced with the same situation. And aging just plain sucks, more for some than others, and it’s not fair. One day at a time. This too shall pass.

    Like

  138. Sending you big hugs, unless that freaks you out, in which case virtual hugs and air kisses. Keeping only good thoughts for all of your family, human and otherwise.

    Like

  139. I am so sorry all of this is happening. For what it’s worth, my dog went through chemo last summer and she experienced almost no side effects at all. She felt way better during chemo than she had for the prior few months. She had a different form of cancer and it spread to her lymph nodes, but I still had an extra year with her. I will send all of my healing powers to you and Dottie!

    Like

  140. We love you, Jenny! Sending you lots of hugs, love, and strength!

    Like

    typicaljenn recently posted This Month I Said….

  141. 141
    Anonymous

    You and yours remain in our thoughts. Pip (the pap) and her human.

    Like

  142. You know, I thank God for you. I mean, I know you don’t know me from Adam’s house cat, but it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. There is SOMEONE ELSE who feels this way, and struggles much like I do. I’ve been sitting here sobbing because I know that feel, and have been fighting it so hard lately. Thank you, THANK YOU for reminding us that we’re not alone, just as YOU are not alone. Know that you are loved. ♥

    Like

  143. 143
    Kristin P.

    The end of the this post made me remember that while I’m currently working on getting through a rough time, and I’m working on being furiously happy or some days just deciding that I am going to get outta bed is a big enough victory for me. I can definitely see the light peeking through the clouds a lot more these days. Impending divorce looming and uprooting pretty much my whole life but then I remembered that I wanted to tell you that while I was sorting through and packing my books I came across your 3 awesome books plus the coloring book and decided that your books brought me so much clarity and a metric ton of laughs that I needed to pass it on, so all but the coloring book went to my nearest little free library before I moved back home to start over again. Usually putting my read books in the library feels like I’m saying goodbye to a friend, that time it felt like I was spreading some serious good juju out in to the world.

    Like

  144. Jenny, this is good news for you too! You’re actually able to feel your feelings and process them. That’s amazing from where you were just a few months ago. Embrace the catharsis of a good cry. Hug Dottie, hug Haley, hug Victor, hug your Grandparents and be in the moment. No matter what you’ve got this!

    Like

  145. 145
    Anonymous

    Praying

    Like

  146. My cat freaked out in the Vets office (like full meltdown, not usual cat bullshit) and bit the crap out of me and I cried and sobbed and was super emotional about it and I didn’t have ANY of that other stuff going on- so sending hugs and loads of good juju!

    Like

  147. 147
    Anonymous

    Jenny! Love! There is science behind crying that not only releases the negative emotion but stimulates the production of serotonin, endorphins that enable you to feel calm rejuvenated and sometimes even happy. It’s very necessary sometimes. Spoken by a woman who mostly refuses to cry. Take this time moment by moment. And have the greatest patience with YOURSELF!

    Like

  148. Welp. It’s been confirmed. You’re human. I know that’s disappointing. Luckily, you’re a smashing one. Hugs if you want ’em.

    Like

    emilypageart recently posted Tattoo Wrap-up #22.

  149. 149
    Anonymous

    I’m so sorry you’re hurting and I am wishing my hardest for Dottie’s speedy recovery, I really am. I had to put my beloved cat Cailey to sleep last week and her ashes & paw print are ready to be picked up at the vet and my God, i just had to do this 16 months ago for Charlie and it f***ing sucks. But, I have a story about the last time that is both heartbreaking & funny. I had just picked up Charlie’s ashes, cried in the vet’s parking lot for 10 min, and gone home. I step out of my car (we live in a townhouse complex) and a neighbor comes bustling over to tell me her unit finally sold, while I hold the blue box containing the remains of the best ginger cat that ever lived. “Ohhhh, what do you have there? Fancy donuts? Looks delicious!”
    No, Kim, it’s my cat. Yes, the big orange one. He was 15. I…I gotta go.

    Like

  150. You really are a brave person, constantly trying to keep
    things in a positive light, and sharing your feelings and experiences
    so freely. You know so many folks are uplifted by seeing you
    keep on keeping on, no matter what happens.
    Thank you and we ALL hope for the best for DB.
    Margie

    Like

  151. 151
    Jeanie Herkomer

    I’m so sorry things suck right now. Praying that all gets better soon. [hugs]

    Like

  152. 152
    cherylnoble

    Ok I concentrate on bad it would be a 2 week old hip replacement that kept me from bbq-ing for friends and music jam at my house. Or that a coyote jumped my 5’ vinyl fence and attacked my Muffy dog who died a day later. Or my Golden Doodle puppy is more doodle than golden.

    But I chose happy. Insurance bought me caregivers who do everything and 2 are gourmet cooks.

    Friends brought me a lost bunny who is very nice. Named him Barry Barack Obunny. Lost bunny sign yielded no calls.

    And now my cell phone controls my thermostat, new door camera and bedroom lamp so I don’t kill myself heading to bathroom st night.

    And I found out how truly great my friends are who half showed up at the hospital.

    I will be back again and I will bbq

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

  153. 153
    Anonymous

    Well, I’m crying right along with you. Hugs and prayers. Hoping that all will be ok.

    Like

  154. I felt that cleansing cry in my very soul. I’ve been there more than once. Thank you for the update on Dorothy. I want so badly to help and show her how she is loved and tell you how you aren’t going through this alone, but I’m helplessly distanced. Instead, I’m going to buy a bunch of Bloggess shirts from the shop. I hope you’ll add a Dorothy Barker one at some point. Please tell Dottie that it’s okay to be scared and grumpy. And please take care of yourself.

    Like

  155. 155
    Anonymous

    Thank you for giving words to the highs and lows. you are amazing. Sending love to you and your family.

    Like

  156. Love and hugs to you and your family and to Dottie!

    Like

  157. Cancer, hospital, and dementia are all a scary stressful combo. You’re due a hysterical cry. Dottie probably needs one two. There might be a product to help her chill out. You need whatever the dog version of Feliway and catnip is. https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2019/07/28/miles-got-jesus/

    Like

  158. I got hired for a job that started Monday, I flew into Houston from Seattle on Sunday, participated in training, and I was fired Tuesday morning. It was a whirlwind of disappointment and drama. I quit my job for this, I gave up my insurance for this. I thought it was a fresh start with a good salary, and boom, it’s all over. This year just sucks, I am very glad that you are getting Dottie the best care, you are doing what you can. We will get through this.

    Like

  159. 159
    Anonymous

    Here’s hoping you and Dottie feel better soon, and that you get good news on all fronts. I’m keeping good wishes for you & yours.

    Like

  160. 160
    Anonymous

    Sending lots of love to you and your family.

    Like

  161. 161
    Anonymous

    I feel this so much. My mom has dementia, my husband may have yet another cancer, and I’m caring for three ancient cats. Sending you tons of love!

    Like

  162. 162
    Anonymous

    Sorry you got bitten, but agree those types of crying “jags” are the best. My husband has Alzheimer’s and Lewy body dementia. I am his sole caregiver, so am with his 24/7 and must admit I have those breakdowns about once a week. My thoughts and prayers for you, your family and of course Dottie.

    Like

  163. Since there’s no one right way to manage all the curves life throws us, you have to assume you’re doing it right. Because you are! Knowing we’re all in the same boat, though different experiences, makes it a little easier for me.
    Hope it helps you too.

    Like

  164. Tears lubricate the soul. I’ve been through a horrid year too (father dying, family drama to the extreme, mental health deterioration in loved ones, financial dramas too), but have finally got to a point where I can cry. Which I know means my psyche is telling me it’s in a place where it is starting to cope again. Cry away. And come here and cry on our collective shoulders. And we will cry with you. Then we’ll cry and eat chocolate and chips and laugh at our crying faces, and we will all feel better. It is not a “fix” because this isn’t a “fixable” situation, but we can get through it with crying and chocolate and togetherness and hugs and laughing. xxxxx

    Like

  165. Crying like that can be really really healthy. The Greeks weren’t kidding about catharsis. Thinking good thoughts for all of you at the Lawson Outpost.

    Like

  166. 166
    Anonymous

    I don’t have words but I’m virtually sending you a ton of hugs. 😘

    Like

  167. 167
    Anonymous

    You’re going need some more spoons. Sending healing vibes to you and whole family.

    Like

  168. I am sending strength to your grandparents for you. And to your mom. And to you.

    I was thinking how strong it is that you were able to share with this family, when it was hard. That takes strength of its own. And yep, we’re all here for you. Hugs.

    Like

  169. Thank you for sharing. I find those kinds of cries scary too, but also necessary once in awhile and cleansing as well.

    Like

  170. 170
    Anonymous

    Will I? Will I be okay? Today my feels are overpowering my thinks and my brain legs are tiring of kicking of the darkness, you know? But I send what good thoughts I have rattling around to Dottie and your family because dogs are awesome, even though we don’t deserve them. And good thoughts sent out will multiply. So, win-win. Hugs.

    Like

  171. Will I? Will I be okay? Today my feels are overpowering my thinks and my brain legs are tiring of kicking of the darkness, you know? But I send what good thoughts I have rattling around to Dottie and your family because dogs are awesome, even though we don’t deserve them. And good thoughts sent out will multiply. So, win-win. Hugs.

    Like

  172. 172
    Carol Anne

    Jenny, please check out the flower essence remedies another poster mentioned both for Dottie and for your whole family. They may not cure cancer,but they will certainly help all of you to cope with all the hard stuff you’re dealing with now. You can find more information on the Flower Essence Society website. Sending much love.

    Like

  173. Sending love to you Jenny and to everyone in your family who is struggling. I feel for Dorothy Barker, she must be so scared of all these weird things happening to her. I’m sorry she took it out on you, but I hope the two of you are back on track again. Her love for you will never waver. I know that for sure.

    Like

    LadyPamelaRose recently posted It’s Okay To Be Angry About Chronic Illness (I Am!).

  174. Dottie – “Enough bitch go near my lady garden again & I’ll cut a bitch
    Jenny – FUCKING not kidding
    Victor – Jesus

    Elinor Roosevelt quote A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. So chin up. tits out you can do this

    Like

  175. I fully believe that good cries are occasionally necessary and vital to survive life. You are dealing with some hard stuff right now! Cry away. Thank you for your honesty and for telling me that I can get through my hard times.
    Sending love and healing vibes to Dottie and you and your grandparents! ❤ ❤ ❤

    Like

  176. If she broke the skin, be sure to grab some antibiotics. The doctor isn’t going to report her or anything, so don’t worry that she’ll get in trouble. They will totally understand everyone’s stress! Just get the antibiotics, because dog bites get infected really easily.

    Like

  177. Thinking of you and your family, Jenny, and sending lots of love your way. 💜

    Like

  178. Thanks Jenny. I too had a full fledged ugly cry explosion week after last. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, had gone to several specialist doc apts and had to go to the dentist where they then told me that i needed to get my wisdom teeth removed and two crowns and I lost my ever loving shit. My poor husband just said, “Let it out, its all good, do your thing. Lets go get ice cream.”

    Its hard trying to deal with stress, anxiety, be a mom, be a wife, work full time take care of the critters and fluffies and self… and … life. Today I got this. I read this hilarious quote that I loved…

    “This too shall pass. It may pass like a kidney stone, but it WILL PASS.” xoxo.

    Like

  179. HUGS. Just HUGS,,,

    Like

  180. 181
    Sandra S. Williams

    Hang in there, dear Jennie! Sending my best wishes and healing thoughts for your family.

    Like

  181. Sometimes you’re just due a bit of a breakdown. Crying is a normal reaction to stress. I’d be more worried if you didn’t cry. Maybe it’s just a PTSD thing but I cry like that every once and a while when I’m upset. And usually I come out on the other end feeling like my sadness was given the time it needed to exist. As my therapist would say, sit with the emotion, deal with it, and move on.

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  182. 183
    Joanne Altman

    It’s okay, I’m in the same boat as ADHD, a spouse with Dementia, a very old sick cat who has a injured knee, no front teeth at all and his gums are really pale, and renovating a bathroom by ourselves this week. Hugs from me to you 🤗

    Like

  183. 184
    Sarah Goldberg

    I’ve been where you are: sick dog, dying parent, life just falling apart, and it sucked. When my mother was sick and my young aunt was dying, I cried hysterically every day for 10 weeks straight. Crying is good. It’s cathartic. Also poor Dorothy Barker was probably aghast when she bit you. You are doing the best you can, and you can’t take care of anyone without taking care of YOU. I’m sure Texas A&M has great oncologists, and they are going to figure this out; in the mean time, spend as much time as you can with your doggie and your little girl. We all love you out here, Jenny. You make us feel less alone–let us do that for you now.

    Like

  184. 185
    Amy Davey

    {{{Distant non touching hug}}}

    Like

  185. Dear Jenny, Dottie, and Jenny’s Family and Friends,

    Sending extra cyber hugs from my human and fur family to yours.

    Jenny, you are entitled to melt downs and hard-ass cries, and the laws of catharsis say “Purge, my friend.” This confusing stress will pass and the worries today will lessen and grow, then lessen and grow. Point is, it’ll be all right, then it won’t. Fucking waves, as cleansing and refreshing as a day at the spa, they never stay the same.

    I recently calmed my existential angst with more gratitude, prayer, and exercise, and less dwelling on what I can’t change about the constant of (you guessed it) CHANGE.

    I hope you find peace with all that you and your precious loved ones are going through this season.

    When you can, dote on Dottie, Victor, and Haley, do it. When they need to dote on you, let them!

    Like

    Donna Lucas recently posted Crabby Morning with Teenage Driver.

  186. 187
    Baybridget

    I feel like sometimes we need to something to “justify” our tears. Like we are so relieved to have something concrete to cry over that we really let go to cleansing tears. Love all the Dottie updates! We are pulling for her!

    Like

  187. Sending love and hugs. I’m sorry that you and your family are going through so much difficult stuff at the moment; I really hope things improve. I loathe crying in front of people but I’ve learnt the hard way that often the best thing to do is to let it out, so I’m doing my best to embrace the restorative power of a good cry.

    Like

  188. I am so grateful for you and appreciate you so fucking much! We will get through all this, same as we always have. In the meantime, sending so much love and cyber goodness to you, Victor, Hailey, Dorothy, and all the felines in the family.

    Like

  189. 190
    Tom Burton

    So sorry you’re getting hit with all this at once. Hang in there!

    Like

  190. I love you, Dottie. And your human, Jonas,was it?

    Like

    Tanya Goffy recently posted Readathons: Helpful Or Harmful?.

  191. that’s a lot! hugs

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  192. I hear you. I had an ugly cry myself today because my mom’s cancer is back and in her lungs this time. To make matters worse, now she’s back in the hospital for heart trouble. I am terrified to lose her and I’m in a dark, dark place. You are not alone in the struggle today – I’m in the dark next to you. We’ll stay together until we can see the light again, okay?

    Like

  193. 194
    ocularnervosa

    Hugs

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  194. 195
    Brenda Julian

    I wish I had something really profound and uplifting to say. All I can think of is that life sucks the big green weenie sometimes. I don’t even know exactly what that means but it somehow comforts me when I say it. Sending big positives for your grandparents, Mom, aunt, Victor, Hailey and of course, you and sweet doggie Dottie.

    Like

  195. Keeping my fingers crossed for Dottie’s test results, and sending lots of love and hugs to everyone in your family. I’ve had a crappy day today, over-the-top anxiety, etc, but hoping tomorrow will be better. (Also, I think big cries like that are sometimes the best outcome, crying means feeling, instead of that horrible numbness that comes with some deep depression.)

    Like

  196. 197
    Randi Michele Ridnour

    You are my hero by being able to articulate your feelings for the rest of us. Some of us just turn into big soggy, snotty wailers and can’t even say why. It is exhausting but some how healing as well. Prayersfor you and yours.

    Like

  197. 198
    AnonyMouse

    I sometimes need to have those kind of clearing cries. I think of it as. Kind of emotional thunderstorm. I hope things get easier soon and your grandfather gets better soon.

    And I’m grateful to be getting updates about Dottie.

    Like

  198. 199
    eleventhpercent

    HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS

    Like

  199. Jenny, I hope you know how grateful some of us are that you share your life. I read your books for the first time after my last breakdown. I was in the hospital, the psych ward part of the hospital, after my latest suicide attempt. I asked my brother to pick up your books, and I LAUGHED. I laughed while in the psych ward after a suicide attempt. You literally helped save my life. I feel like you’re part of my family now. So today I close my eyes and send love and hope to your family to get you through this time, because you got me through the worst time I’ve been through. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being brave enough to share “you” with us. I hope you feel the love you encouraged in this world. You have made this world a better place, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Like

  200. I love you so much. I could say a million things, like that my grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last Sept, our family dog also has “suspected” bladder and thyroid cancer (but no way to difinitively tell for a few reasons), or that I feel overwhelmed watching those I love deal with tough stuff. But …. ultimately, I love you and I get it and I thank you for being a voice that makes me feel less alone. And you are right, you will get through this. You are one of the toughest, most bad ass women out there and I strive to be more like you in so many ways. I’m sending you love, and I’m sending you gratitude. I’ll be sending love to your whole family, and gratitude to them too. Might seem silly, but without them, there wouldn’t be you and you have made such an impact on our community. I’m tired and rambly, so I’ll leave it at that 💗

    Like

  201. I had one of those sessions in the wee hours. Got a kiddo I’ve been propping up through disability and very hard times for a handful of years now and some days it all just leaks out. Tonight when I send desperate wishes into the universe to please hold my kid and me together for another day, I will add your whole family to the list.

    Like

  202. Oh, Jenny!

      You have so much on your plate! Be proud of yourself for holding up as well as you are and for having a good cry to reset and go on. You're not alone either.
    

    Ruth

    Like

  203. 204
    mimi b mcbroom

    I know exactly where you are coming from. Its like when things are good and everyone is okay we need to savor the moment. When things go to shit we gotta hold on cause the storm will pass and the sun will come out. Good thoughts to puppy Dot.

    Like

  204. “People cry, not because they’re weak. It’s because they’ve been strong for too long.”
    Remember to breathe.
    Hugs!

    Like

  205. Being honest with yourself is always better than keeping up with what others think you should do/feel/act like. I’m glad you are feeling better today, and I’m guessing Dottie is too. Please give her a thousand kisses from me, and give a few to yourself as well. xoxo

    Like

  206. My beautiful Molly Brown was 14 years old when she bit me. I took a bone from her without thinking, and she, with her diminished sight, her achy, arthritic hips, and her stress over the Christmas Holidays…bit me…HARD. The shock of the hurt was what was most painful. The shock of this dog, who I’d shared my life with for 14 years was sharper and more intense than the bite. I cried so hard. It was like having your best friend, who you trust implicitly, suddenly slapping you in the face. I remember her coming to me in my tears, resting her head and apologizing with her eyes. You deserved to cry, it was absolutely something worth crying over. I hope you and Dottie are both feeling better today. Keep breathing…keep going. You are loved.

    Like

  207. Our dog Gio was diagnosed with liver disease last year and we were told he only had a year or two left. At his last appointment, his numbers came back great. The vet is as dumbfounded as we are, but we’re all counting it as a win. Here’s hoping you get a similar outcome!

    Like

  208. When it rains, it pours, no? And I totally understand what you mean about the cleansing cries. Get all that stress and negative energy out!!! Please keep us updated on sweet little Dottie, and I hope things take a positive turn all around. <3<3<3

    Like

  209. there are a hundred things I could say but as I am crying now too- I can’t think of any of them except… from one Jennifer to another. I love you.

    Like

  210. Your last paragraph made me cry. Continue sharing, it does a lot of people good. Dotty is an amazing dog and even in all the stress she endured, she instinctively knew how to help you release yours. Smart Dotty. The most difficult thing in watching our loved ones suffer is our incapacity at healing them. But our strenght is in our love. And that makes a world of difference, except we don’t always see it at work. Sending love to you and all your loved ones and of course Dotty.

    Like

  211. 212
    Sharon Pierce

    I’m so sorry that your heart is hurting with so many things going on! I remember reading a parenting article on why kids tend to “lash out” at their mom’s in anger. The article explained that our kids know that NO MATTER WHATwe will ALWAYS love them, so we are their “safe place”. I think you are Dorothy Barker’s safe place too. She is hurting & afraid, & lashed out at the one person she knew would ALWAYS love her. I’m so sorry you were hurt, and that doesn’t make it ok…. but maybe it can help your heart a little. A really good cry is sometimes the BEST medicine! Hugs, strength & love to all of you Jenny!

    Like

  212. My mom always told me that crying releases stress hormones. I haven’t fact-checked this, but it feels right, and when I’m having a meltdown I remind myself of this.

    Like

    Ardra recently posted Can MS Really Be Starved To Death?.

  213. You sound like a perfectly normal person with a lot of unfortunate things going on in their life right now and you are handling it perfectly normally. I don’t know why that seems like it should be comforting but there you go. I really hope things improve soon!!!

    Like

  214. My dog with dementia bit the shit out of me one time too. I knew exactly why she was doing it but I had the exact same reaction–hysterical crying that took a while to resolve. It shook me. I guess I’m trying to say that you’re not alone.

    Like

  215. Prayers for quick healing for sweet baby girl, and prayers for peace of mind for you and your family!❤

    Like

  216. Prayers for you, your family and Dottie!

    Like

  217. 218
    Kristina W.

    It sounds like Dottie has a “who the hell knows” body like her mama. 😛

    Like

  218. 1) LOVE YOU AND DOTTIE
    2) On Sunday I cried so hard I threw up. Never did that before. So like, I get it.

    Like

  219. There’s definitely nothing wrong with all of your stress bursting out your eyes. You have so much of it! You and Dottie both!!!
    Much, much love and strength to all of your family.

    Like

  220. 221
    JenniferNennifer

    love love and more love

    Like

  221. I’m so sorry. I get it. I have had a few uncontrollable cries recently. Last night I went to bed crying and I got up and cried some more after not really sleeping.
    I hope Dottie is ok and I’m happy you’re so understanding about her “why”.

    Like

  222. being bitten by your own dog is really traumatic – there is psychological stuff somehow as well as the physical side of it – so no wonder you got in a state. big hugs.

    Like

  223. We love you and you’re family, so much!
    Please remember to take care of yourself as you are dealing with so much stress
    ❤❤❤

    Like

  224. Hope all goes well for Dorothy and things get easier for you

    Like

  225. 226
    SANDI WORTHEN

    thank you for all of this, the love you give us, the sharing. it is so appreciated. love right back to you, and all of your family.

    Like

  226. My thoughts are with you and your family. The four legged and two legged varieties.

    Like

    Arionis recently posted Just Like A Halloween Thief, They Stole My Idea!.

  227. Jenny,first I send you HUGE HUGS.You have helped me so much with so many things,I’m grateful to you,for you and your honesty and candor about you and your metal issues. I have you and Sweet Dorothy Barker in my thoughts

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  228. Still hoping for Miracle Dog – much luck.

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  229. Bless your heart. I never apologize for crying. It’s a physiological thing we all need to do from time to time!

    Like

  230. Thank you for more than you’ll ever know.

    Like

  231. I just posted Furiously Happy as one of the 10 books that Changed my Life Challenge going around Facebook right now. Thank you.

    Like

  232. Oh goodness, it has been a month for me also. In a way, I am just glad that you share what is going on in your life and I feel for you, it reminds me that I am not the only one breaking down because of the dementia of my mom’s partner, and then his coma, and then his body not giving up when removed from tubes and sitting there for 7 days getting more and more skeletal. On top of that, my second cousin being diagnosed with ocular melanoma and my cousin on the other side dying from pancreatic cancer. Oh and not to add work is busy with extra shipments and less people because they are on vacation, I have anxiety and mental health issues that are out of control…I hear you, sister, I feel for you and I color my book, I draw, I run, I make myself keep going until I burst out crying like you describe. Thanks for everything, I keep your books nearby and my husband is a bookstore manager and sells a lot of your books. Many nights he comes home and tells me customers describe what they are looking for and he suggests one of your books. They always fall in love with whichever one he gets for them..and loves telling them about your huge metal rooster. Anyway, you are awesome and your honesty is helpful. Thanks.

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  233. You will be fine, as will we because we are strong…….crying or not!! Love you and your family.

    Like

  234. Some days you’ve just got to cry til there’s nothing left. Otherwise you’ll explode!❤️

    Like

  235. 236
    Bill E Stevens

    I’ve personally known 2 humans with confirmed tumors who, on the night before surgery while they slept, had their growths vanish. So many puzzled doctors the next day. Bodies have millions of years practice healing themselves. They can benefit from healing treatments but don’t always need them. Our family cat woke from a week long coma all on her own. We’re pretty sure it was the smell of chicken cooking that turned her around before crossing the rainbow bridge. Dottie looks so full of vitality in her leaping video. Any chance she’s inviting you all to jump on board with her? Maybe a trampoline instead of a bed.

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  236. Sometimes I really need a good cry but can’t push myself over the edge so maybe Dottie was trying to be helpful? Anyway, I’m hoping for good news for all the dreadful worrying shit you got going on.

    Like

  237. You are only human. Well we are! Or are we?? We are all on this earth togther and continue to support each other from across the globe. Let our hugs span across the globe to you and your family.
    Hugs dry tears. Sending you positive thoughts.

    Like

  238. Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.

    That being said, it’s nice we are here for each other… To help each other carry it

    Like

  239. I can totally understand ALL of this. As I work very hard to go through the super difficult trauma therapy to try to get better and deal with watching my Dad slip more and more into dementia,I struggle with my invisible illnesses.
    A few posts ago you suggested we adopt a puppy to celebrate…well I DID!!! He is a 2.5lb Chihuahua with brain damage, so he twirls. I named him Oliver Twist. The MSPCA is doing a special price on him (and now me) at their gala in October. He is their poster child. Once he’s old enough I want to make him a therapy dog and bring him to childrens hospitals, especially the children tht have had TBI so they can see healing is possible.
    As for Dottie, try CBD oil for her discomfort and her nerves. I had a lil old man pup with Lyme disease and heart issues. It helped in so many ways. Plus it’s natural!!

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  240. Hugs a million times!

    Like

  241. Oh Dottie. 😦

    And yeah, I’ve had those days too where I start crying hysterically and just can’t stop. Once, it landed me in the ER because it freaked my husband out so much. Well..the hysterical crying that I couldn’t stop and the fact that I was laying on the floor in the kitchen with a knife to my wrist begging him to make it stop.

    I hope you know that whatever happens, we’re here for you Jenny. Life sucks less when you’re not alone, yanno?

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    mommatrek recently posted You Can’t Fix Stupid Friday–You Want the Truth? You Can’t HANDLE the Truth!!! edition.

  242. Stop torturing the poor dog with all of those painful tests. She bit you because you’re hurting her. Give her pain meds for the cancer and let her go naturally.

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  243. 244
    windydayze

    I have found that tears can be very…cathartic.. so don’t let it scare you. You’ve got an awful lot on your plate and all of that stress, fear, worry, etc…you just really needed to dispel all of that energy. Hang in there and know that we are all here for you. Scritch Dottie behind the ear for me!!

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  244. Jenny
    I’ve been to A&M also, a few times with different dogs. I agree they are amazing and so talented. All I would advise is that you and the family take time to determine if Dottie wants to become a patient for her remaining time with you. Some dogs are ok with that; just take a bit of time to decide if it’s best for her. I mean no harm, I’ve just had both types of dogs, and they responded differently to being a patient instead of pet.

    Like

  245. Telling them you’re grateful gives them strength because appreciation is a valuable kind of love. Best to everyone.

    Like

    Sherry Cassells recently posted I’ve been calling myself a writer forever, even when I didn’t write, so now I’m just going to go ahead and call myself a comedian and see what happens.

  246. Thank you Jenny. You and your family are going through a lot of changes right now, and I hope that you are able to hold on and ride them out. I have noticed that sometimes all of the stress and sadness comes at once, like a tidal wave, and then it overwhelms you and crashes over you but then the next wave is a bit gentler and not as overwhelming. I’m going through some big changes myself right now, and yesterday I had a fully-loaded bubble tea for dinner after retail therapy at Trader Joe’s, which helped quite a bit. I’ll be thinking of you over the next few weeks and hoping that the next wave is gentler for you. =)

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  247. Love to Dottie, and I’m sorry it made you remember other losses. Crying is definitely ridiculous at times but also sometimes a relief. Glad that it worked out to be cleansing for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  248. I wish for the best for you and Dot. You’ve got a lot to handle. Must be something in the stars because it seems like many people are having multiple difficulties to deal with. My oldest brother just recently underwent triple bypass surgery and then nearly died due to complications and had to have 3 more surgeries following. He’s finally doing better, but that along with mystery health problems my husband and sister have been having along with my own wonderful problems turned me into a basket case off and on for about a month. Had a couple of anxiety attacks and thought of you (“what would Jenny do?”), but things settled down or I did or a little of both. Prayers to you and your family. Hang in there. Watch some hilarious videos that make you laugh so hard you cry–that’s a great release, too, and probably

    Liked by 1 person

  249. 250
    Donna C Waldron

    Hi Jenny, I’m writing to you because I don’t know who else to share this with. I had my first and hopefully only admission to a hospital for depression this week. I was following up with my medical doctor and I requested a referral to a psychiatrist. When she asked why, I explained that I felt sad a lot of the time, was being a real bitch with my family (to be truthful they deserved it), and thought some help would do me good. When they went over the checklist of what to ask someone seeking a psychiatrist, I answered honestly. On the suicide question “have you ever considered suicide or just hoped you would not wake up”, I replied–SURE, hasn’t everyone at some point in their lives? Then I was asked had I thought how I would do it and again I answered honestly–that I could NOT slit my wrists because I hate pain, that I could not jump off bridge or climb a ladder to hang myself because I am afraid of heights, etc. etc. BUT that a handful of pills with a nice bottle of wine would probably work. This was construed as an actual plan and I was immediately admitted to a “Mood Disorder” ward of a local hospital.
    I spent 4 days there. To be honest, it was not terrible and it got me away from my crazy family for a while. So now I’m home–with visits next week to a psychiatrist, psychologist, physical therapy for my degenerative disc disease. I don’t know what lies ahead. I don’t know if I can continue to live in the beautiful home I bought WITH my son and his family. They usually blame me for the arguments but deep down I know they have a lot of anger management issues of their own.
    So I just wanted to touch base because I love your blog and I know you deal with depression every day of your life and so do the others that follow you. I wish I had the strength you have to be able to see humor in this. I’m not religious at all but could you at least send up some good karma for me? I will do the same for you and your sick baby. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  250. I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but you help me all the time and I love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  251. I lost my barely middle-age dog to aggressive cancer (no signs of it during an exam of that part of his body, then stage 4 7 months later) back in February. About a week ago I had a good, long cry about it. Not the first, probably won’t be the last. It’s always really hard to deal with pet health issues…you can’t talk to them, and they often hide just how they’re feeling. You never know whether you’re doing right by them. You just do the best you can, and let the tears flow as necessary.

    Liked by 1 person

  252. 253
    Katie Greene

    Sorry that you’re struggling with so much. I envy that you can cry, I so need that release but the combination of meds and chronic depression has rendered me unable to feel much of anything. High or low.

    Liked by 1 person

  253. Just keep going one step at at time and a good snotty, sobbing cry is ok too!

    Liked by 1 person

  254. The world is very dark these days.
    Thank you for being one of my lanterns.
    There are so many ways, from the laughter you bring to the realization that if you can do it, then I can too.

    Liked by 1 person

  255. Primal howling, cathartic sobbing, unstoppable shaking episodes of grief have happened to me on a couple of occasions. When my first marriage crashed and I was finally relatively safe in a tiny apartment I could afford on my own, I had a couple of fits of it. And again after I was assaulted and realized that like most other women, he was going to get completely away with it and I was ultimately goin got be blamed.

    Now looking back, I think it those grieving episodes may have saved my life. I’m no doctor, but I suspect those crying episodes release a lot of tension and toxins in our bodies, so that not only do we not harm ourselves in the short term, but we may not end up with some other disease or cancer in the long term from holding in the grief.

    For myself, with the bureaucracy blaming me and this man retaliating against me for reporting, or people telling me to get over what he did to me because it was inconvenient for people to deal with his crime, I started to doubt my sanity. I started to doubt that my pain was real. And when I finally was able to grieve like you have done, I was glad, because it let me know that my pain was valid, and my grief was very valid and real. We don’t cry like that over nothing. That crying undoes the gaslighting that our society will heap on us in it’s lazy attempt to ignore the havoc that it wreaks and avoid having to clean up it’s messes. The attack was real, the grief and pain were real, that happened to me. Your entire body and soul have no reason to lie to you. The whole rest of the world will lie in a heartbeat.

    If you are lucky enough to have people who care for you witnessing your grief, and they fear demonic possession, or the neighbors hearing it from the next apartment think you may be a werewolf, I am guessing you are doing it right.

    I am sorry about Dottie and your folks. I’m glad you have people around you to help you through it.

    Liked by 1 person

  256. I could use one of those cleansing cries…I don’t want to go through it, really, but I know what you mean and that cleansing would be nice.

    Liked by 1 person

  257. Big hugs to you, sleeping Hailey, and possibly-unnerved Victor(I know my non-depressed father can sometimes get freaked out by my or my mom’s episodes, so I know they have it rough, too). Big hugs, wags, and scritches to the four-footed fam as well. My cat and I have been living an IRL WebMD wormhole this summer, too. Turns out some swelling and redness in the corner of her eye, at vet appointment #1, could be pinkeye, could be cancer; could be eye cancer, could be everything cancer (paraphrasing). Image studies yielded multiple uses od the phrase “tissue thickening” as well. In eight weeks, things progressed to “probably everything cancer, let’s consider palliative care,” to “hang on, maybe it’s local after all, or at least super early” to “huh, whatever it is, it’s not acting normal,” to, finally, “actually it’s probably just pinkeye. Just . . . weird pinkeye. Even by feline ocular herpes standards.” (Yup. My girl’s special! She doesn’t just have slutty eyes, she has uniquely slutty eyes!) My mom’s also been a cancer patient for five years, and I absolutely sympathize with the exhaustion and overwhelming last-straw moments. Sometimes, even when we get amazing news, or even possibly good news, after thinking the worst, the emotional roller coaster gets even more exhausting than the purely shit-show stretches. So, again, lots of internet hugs and treats and drinks all around, and praying that Miss Dot gets a similarly unexpected reprieve as my gal. But hopefully less . . . herpetic about it maybe? 💜🐾💜🐾💜

    Liked by 1 person

  258. My immediate feeling after sympathy and empathy for you and Dottie was a twinge of envy that you had something trigger that kind of cry session. Somehow I feel like you and anyone that reads will understand I don’t in any way envy what you’re going through but just that you were able to cry hard for a while and then feel better. Why, for some of us, does it take something SO devastating to trigger that relief? I want a good cry like that. That said, nothing but love and lots of healing vibes for all. Dottie is a rockstar and my fingers are crossed for a hopeful prognosis!

    Like

  259. I tend to think of tears and crying this way. We are amazing magical creatures, and we have this way of purging darkness and pain from ourselves. When we feel something too strongly, our spirits work with our bodies and collect all the “too much” we are feeling, and drain it from our systems through our eyes. That’s why it hurts a little, and your vision is all blurry with the leftover “too much” until you can blink a bunch and rinse it away. And that’s why we sometimes cry when we are happy, as well as angry, or hurting, or scared.
    You cried and got rid of the “too much” – that’s all.

    Your tribe loves you, and yes we are all having a love affair with your dog. If she wasn’t do damn cute ….

    Like

  260. one thing my Dad taught me, and it works on almost anything–don’t look at what might need to be done later, look at what’s right in front of you, and deal with that. Sorta chip away at the mountain without acknowledging that’s one honking big mountain.
    Right now, on this spot, Dottie is fine. Let it go for now, and move away to other stuff. Just love her, and let her help you. That’s what friends are for, isn’t it.

    Like

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