I should make people sign an acknowledgement before they come in the house.

So the exterminator came over and asked to use the bathroom and I was like, “Sure” and then I heard him yelling and assumed he was yelling at someone on the phone in the bathroom but he was getting more upset and then I realized he was yelling, “I SAID, THERE’S SOMEONE IN HERE” in a really panicked sort of way and that’s when I realized that Ferris Mewler was mad that someone was peeing without him and was doing that thing he does where he tries to open the bathroom door and if it’s locked he hangs on it and aggressively stomps on the door jamb so it sounds like a maniac is pounding at the door while trying to force the door knob and I was like, “SORRY, HE DOESN’T SPEAK ENGLISH OR HAVE PERSONAL BOUNDARIES” and I realized that he would never believe that a cat could open doorknobs while pounding on the door so I took a picture and then I thought it was probably even weirder that he could hear someone trying to break the door down while someone else took pictures and that’s why I have to hire a new exterminator.

103 replies. read them below or add one

  1. OMG – I hope you showed him the pictures. That will be his best work story ever! And is Ferris laughing in that last shot?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. So funny. Poor exterminator must have got such a shock.

    Liked by 1 person

    Gary recently posted Baked salmon, Hollandaise sauce, and red cabbage slaw.

  3. I can’t breathe! 😹

    My cats do this too. Ah, life with cats.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hahahah!!! I had a horrible PTSD nightmare last night and was crying and shaking for hours. Really needed to hear about Ferris’s mischief. That poor exterminator, though! LOL

    Like

  5. Textbook Ferris, that zany feline! ;D

    Like

  6. 7
    Beth Cruz - ABQ Cruzn

    I don’t think Ferris is laughing, I think he’s saying, “Moo-ooooooom, someone locked the door!!”

    Liked by 1 person

  7. OMG that MADE my day! I have 4 daughters, and one Furaughter, and my 5 ladies havent let me close the bathroom door in 12yrs! Thank goodness my youngest, (3yrs old, not furry) is loosening up on my potty parole. Coraline, my 8 month old hairy demi-goddess, whines, pounds, and full on extended reaches under the door. My hubby takes advantage of that every morning while shaving.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. LOL! Our cat’s too lazy to go for the door knob, she lies on the floor and paws relentlessly under the door trying to paw it open.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Reading post and LMAO!! I love your family and household!

    Like

  10. My cat Jingle could open those doorhandles too, but didn’t stomp.

    Like

  11. 12
    Urban Unglued

    I am a little alarmed an exterminator would come into your house and poop. how rude.

    Like

  12. 13
    helenmatheyhornbooks

    German houses have door handles like that. We had a cat that figured them out and we had to ‘double lock’ the door. (We learned this when we came home from school one day to the door wide open…fortunately a good neighborhood.) We warned the student teacher we had one fall to make sure she double locked the door when she went out (not just pull it shut). Halloween she went out (we stayed home) and when she came home (late) the door was hanging open and she had to chase another cat (not ours) out. Just be glad your front door knobs are different. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I sent this link to my son who loves cats. I mentioned that you have great names for your pets. Autocorrect changed “pets” to “peers.” Sometimes autocorrect knows things.

    Like

  14. oh … you have made my day.

    Like

  15. 16
    A Nony Mouse

    Hahahaha wheeze wheeze Thanks for the best laugh I’ve had in a long time! Ferris, you rascal you!

    Like

  16. 17
    Seana Gause

    OMG Ferris, give the guests a break! Also, stay real. I love you Ferris!

    Like

  17. We have to park a vacuum outside our bedroom door, or one of our cats does this same exact thing with the doorknob and another of our cats scratches angrily at the bottom of the door while the third cat cries pathetically. It’s the only time they agree on anything.

    Liked by 5 people

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  18. 20
    Cynthia White

    Good job, Ferris Mewler!! The exterminator might have been stealing the towels!!

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Bahahahahaha. You made me giggle and reminded me of my kitties (Babycat and Cole Kitten).

    Brilliant. Just brilliant.

    Like

  20. Classic Ferris! And of course Jenny because well, Ferris…lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    thehuntress915 recently posted Things That Happened To The Huntress During the Holidays.

  21. Um. Tell the exterminator it could have been worse….. see video below

    https://nypost.com/video/can-i-poop-please-cat-hilariously-sits-in-on-owners-bathroom-trip/

    Liked by 2 people

  22. my cat Harry has learned how to open the closet door. he slams against a closed door with his body. he screams if you’ve somehow locked him out of the bathroom.

    I =dread= the day he learns how to open doors.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. This is why I am glad I have knobs and not handles. My cat tries to open doors too. He can’t quite twist the round knob. But if we had handles, we’d never pee alone!

    E

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Hysterical! My cat also opens the door when I’m in the bathroom. She only does t to me! And then my family yells at me for not closing the bathroom door. 🥴🙄

    Liked by 1 person

  25. My husband and I are literally laughing/crying while reading this. Everyday there is something new with our cats. We’re so relieved that it happens too others as well!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thanks for the laughs!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. 29
    lmerryman260

    HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Your first sentence makes it seem like the exterminator came to your house specifically to use your bathroom.

    Also, I should know better than to try to drink anything while reading your blog.

    Liked by 2 people

  29. I’ll share with you my favorite hashtag … #KidsAndPetsAreDicks 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  30. 32
    Cat lady - pets and ferals

    My cats have learned that the lock on the bathroom door doesn’t work, and I have to warn houseguests that even if they lock the door, they may be joined by a cat or two. They don’t mess with the doorknob, they just push on the door and it opens.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. BAAAAAAAH HAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAA!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. I have a 12 pound monster boss rescue cat. Shortly after we got Kirby I came downstairs to find that he’d opened the cabinet door and knocked most of our wine glasses onto the quartz countertop. So shiny. Next into the cabinet under the sink to paw through the trash. So child safety latches on all cabinets. Safe right? Nope. Our French door has lever handle so he set our other 2 cats and 3 dogs free. He’s giving me stink eye as I write this. Pray for me.

    Liked by 2 people

  33. Best thing I’ve read today!

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Best LOL all year.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. oh thank you for this, i desperately needed a laugh today and you and ferris mewler have given me exactly what i need.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Bahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! Oh my GOD, you are hilarious. I wish I lived next door to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. I think Ferris Mewler should be the Grand Marshall of the next when ever it is Ferris Bueller anniversary parade (2021 marks 35 years since the movie came out, I think – I’m bad at math!) in Chicago. From the look of him, he’d rock “Twist and Shout” and win over the grumpiest Chicago cop – while trying to break in to the squad car.

    Liked by 2 people

  38. My dad’s house used to have a door to the guest bathroom directly in line with the front door. One day, I was sitting there minding my own business when in walked Molly, the dog. Great. Next in the door was my dad who just laughed and said, “I’ll bet you didn’t want her to open that, did you?” and closed the door.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Thank you. Having a very rough day and depression is winning. My cat is literally the only living creature allowed near me today. This just made my day. And it’s making me think of the scene from your book.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Thank you Ferris.😂

    Liked by 1 person

  41. Oh Ferris… you are the best. His face in the last picture slayed me!

    Liked by 1 person

  42. Well, my husband lost his job today and we are pretty terrified about the future and then I read this and laughter IS the best medicine. I needed that story…THANK YOU !!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  43. Omg. Laughing so hard right now.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. So funny, thank you so much for the laugh. I needed that today. Looking forward to your new book too!

    Liked by 1 person

  45. Very funny……….that damn cat!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Omg I love that cat 😂😂😂😂😂 Farris you made my day

    Liked by 1 person

  47. That is amazing! Needed that laugh today.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Oh man!!! I have tears of laughter pouring down my face from reading this and the pictures are priceless!!! gigglesnort!

    Liked by 1 person

  49. 51
    Kelly Bennett

    You make me pee myself laugh on some of your posts I swear! This one is so great! You’re the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  50. BEST. POST. EVER! and as an owner of cats, I totally understand

    Liked by 1 person

  51. That made me lol, which is unfortunate as it’s 2.20am here and the rest of the house is asleep. I’m trying to keep very still and not deteriorate into uncontrollable giggles, because I think the bed shaking laugh already disturbed my partner.

    Liked by 2 people

  52. Been there! Our Frankie can open doors, especially to the basement where the mice & bats hang out. So far, no bodies upstairs…

    Liked by 2 people

  53. My dog does this to me on a regular basis. He can also let himself out of the house if he wants too. It’s very fucking annoying. Pets are such a blessing!

    Liked by 1 person

  54. 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  55. It’s a Cat-Law: Humans must never be left alone in the tiled room, ESPECIALLY if they sit on that big flushy thing that might suck them down into the Wet Hell of Doom! Only proper supervision by a certified FurPurrson will keep them safe. Don’t let your Human get sucked down!

    Liked by 2 people

  56. I love ALL your animals and Ferris holds an extra special spot in my heart! 😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  57. Possibly your best post ever.

    Liked by 1 person

  58. My cats went with me for a year of work in Okinawa. The floor was hollow underneath and Pounce de Leone running around at night sounded like a horse. So I put him in the bathroom. It took him 30 seconds to open the door with a leaver opener like yours. I had to put the good cat in there who never figured it out

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  59. 61
    Michell DuBose

    I just blew my bubble gum on to my monitor, I laughed so hard. I needed that so much! Can not wait to come to the bookstore!

    Liked by 1 person

  60. 62
    ocularnervosa

    Laughed until tears.

    Liked by 1 person

  61. That last picture! While I understand not all people welcome animals in the bathroom while they do their business, I personally would be delighted to have a customer’s cat waltzing into the bathroom while I’m in there. I mean, I’d probably want to be able to close the door immediately so no human saw me sitting on the toilet, but cats are totally allowed.

    Liked by 2 people

  62. I had a Siamese who could open doors, and cupboards…its amazing she didnt end up very fat as she would help herself to the cat food in the cupboard….but wanting to get into to watch someone pee, thats next level fetishism for a cat. Perhaps therapy?

    Liked by 1 person

  63. Doesn’t Ferris ever get a day off?

    I’m Bobby but am incapable of putting my name where I’m sposta.

    Liked by 2 people

  64. Oh, yes. My little brother Salem does stuff like that all the time!!

    Liked by 1 person

  65. The things we get used to as cat owners. One of ours likes to walk around at night wailing in a voice that sounds like a small girl screaming “Oh no!” We’ve learned to ignore it, and often forget to warn people when they sleep over. Oops.

    Liked by 2 people

  66. I am impressed by Ferris’s upper body strength in the 5th picture. I warn people that there might be a cat in the bathtub. https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2019/10/18/bathroom-companion/

    Liked by 1 person

  67. I am sure the Bug Man was thinking…I have seen porn movies that start like this

    Liked by 2 people

  68. This is why people should have dogs…

    Liked by 1 person

  69. 71
    Heather Feather

    Hahaha….. we used to have a Siamese who would run ahead of you when you went to the bathroom so he could use the toilet first, and then he’d flush! He also opened doors, and like a good Siamese cat, he would jump up on your shoulders and prowl back and forth across them. At night he would go to the top of the stairs and yell Merowww down the stairs so it would echo. Siamese cats used to walk the top of the walls to guard the palace in Siam and jump onto the shoulders of intruders. My cats would never let me use the bathroom in peace, and they would grab the doorknob and swing back and forth and push on the door frame until it opened. The dogs would just pace back and forth and whine Or lay down and look bereft until you came out. You’ve got to love those fur babies!

    Liked by 2 people

  70. A hearty laugh for my morning, much needed.

    Liked by 1 person

    Jenny Bristol recently posted Marginalia No. 81.

  71. I think I love your cat. Don’t tell my cat I said that.

    Liked by 1 person

  72. My sisters dog had a passion for panties. A real pervert dog. If he was ever allowed in the bathroom, he would see those panties, and try to chew them off your ass. Somehow we forgot to mention this fun tidbit at new roomate orientation and when our new roomate moved in, we followed the screams into the bathroom to find our new roomy with one leg in her panties and the dogs head blooming out of the other hole. You should have seen the wild look of accomplishment on his face.
    https://damngirlgetyourshittogether.com/

    Like

    DGGYST recently posted My Year in Self-Care Purchases.

  73. LOL – almost wet myself laughing – my cats absolute will not let me go to the bathroom alone.

    Like

  74. Thank you for the smile, Ferris Mewler.

    Like

    Dissicle recently posted A Little Scary.

  75. My cat Taliesin doesn’t leave me alone in the bathroom or any room with a shut door. I leave the door open because he will scratch non-stop on it. I tell people to shut the bathroom door all the way or to expect company.

    Like

  76. 80
    Judith K Bloniarz

    This is a dog story but in a similar vein. My friend’s mom has a windowless bathroom. If anyone shuts the door to the bathroom when you are using it, you will have a great dane waiting for you outside the door. When my friend visits and brings her 2 dogs, there are 3 dogs lined up. Then there was the time when 2 chihuahuas were being babysat…you guessed it, there were 2 chihuahuas and a great dane ready for my friend to return to them.

    Like

  77. That was freaking hilarious!

    Like

  78. Oh my God! That’s hilarious!!

    Like

    Lisa Orchard recently posted Finding Purpose in Pain.

  79. Our cat, Jimmy, does that. We had to change our doorknobs to round ones so he would quit 1) opening all closed doors and 2) incessantly rattling the handles of any locked doors until someone gave up and unlocked the door for him. Now only the closet has a handle he can open. We can tell Jimmy was frustrated if the closet door is randomly open.

    Like

  80. Our bathroom has two doors – one to the bedroom and one to the kitchen. And if you block either door, our dog will stand there and howl his misery to the sky. So we’ve given up, and if there are no guests we leave both doors wide open. He’ll come through at least once every time you’re in there, just checking to make sure you’re breathing? I guess? sigh

    Like

    reneewittman recently posted Swatching My Christmas Present!.

  81. My old cat taught the younger cat how to open the pocket door into the bathroom. So, when I get out of the shower, the hot air has all been released, anyone in the kitchen can look in, and both cats stand on the toilet staring at me.

    Your exterminator will understand. It happens everywhere.

    Like

    Julie Brown recently posted Chilling.

  82. Cats are so smart! My aunt’s cat couldn’t open doors but once when my mother and aunt were at their neighbors house, the doorbell rang. The cat had jumped on the mailbox and was pawing at the bell! Even funnier was that when the neighbor opened the door, she said, oh, it’s just the cat, like it was the most normal thing ever

    Like

  83. Hysterical, but it’s an easy two-word fix.
    Round. Doorknobs.
    You’re welcome!

    Like

  84. Hysterical, but really it’s an easy two-word fix.
    Round. Doorknobs.
    😎

    Like

    Marcheline recently posted Adieu, 2019 - Welcome, 2020!.

  85. Whoops – my computer is possessed. Any two word fixes for that?

    Like

    Marcheline recently posted Adieu, 2019 - Welcome, 2020!.

  86. My dog can open cabinet doors by bouncing her nose against it and then sticking her nose in quickly. Especially her treat cabinet (why, yes my dog does have her own cabinet). I have not been in the bathroom by myself for seventeen years – Abby has to make sure that there are no bad guys in there! After all, I watch her pee while walking her – maybe she thinks that it is a human bonding thing!

    Like

  87. Ha ha! This is hilarious. My dog, Jed, can’t open doors but he’ll lick anyone who visits until they just don’t want to come over ever again.

    Like

    Mona Andrei (aka Moxie-Dude) recently posted In case you’re wondering how disagreements can escalate in Canada.

  88. My cat does exactly the same thing!!

    Like

  89. That, my dear, was a crazy assed long assed sebtence of awesomeness.

    Like

  90. First saw this on Instagram – perfect timing. Much needed silliness.
    Now reading on the blog, the context makes it even better!!
    Ferris Mewler, you’re my hero!

    I miss having pets. It’s been 15 years and they still have me trained to leave the bathroom door open unless there’s company in the house.

    Like

  91. 95
    Leslie Todd

    I’m laughing so hard. My cat Angel wiggles the doorknob or shoves his front legs under the door. Obviously he needs lessons from Ferris Mewler.

    Like

  92. That is pure KARMA right there! A REAL professional would have taken care of all his bodily functions BEFORE showing up to a job! I have heard COUNTLESS stories from friends & neighbors of how a stranger used their bathrooms & stole medications! Next time, if someone asks to use your bathroom, send them down to the nearest gas station!

    Like

  93. 97
    Terri Ellis

    AHAHAHA!!! Love this. My cat used to hook her paw under the door and make it shake. It seemed as if a poltergeist was trying to break through the door. Amazing the force a 12 pound ball of fur can generate.

    Like

  94. I haven’t used the bathroom at home alone in years due to cats. I have explained to Zelda (my current overlady) that I don’t bother her when she does her business so why can’t she return the favor but you know cats. I adore her, but she can be a pest sometimes!

    Like

  95. This was the funniest thing …. I read it twice… and found it funnier the second time… 😂

    Like

  96. The last picture is the money shot.

    Like

  97. My cat does this too and I have to warn anyone who uses our bathroom. No one can pee unsupervised.

    Like

  98. My main cat, Charlie, has learned how to grab hold of the door handle and jiggle the thumb latch until the door obligingly swings open into the attached shed. He then lets himself out. so much for locking the cat door at night. Now we hook the door, but Im sure sooner or later he’ll figure out how to grow a foot longer and reach that, too…sigh.

    Like

  99. By the time you read this, it will be the future, we’ll both be older, but cats will remain ridiculous.

    Like

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