And now for something completely different.

Today we’re going to concentrate on something different because for the last week I’ve been dropping hints that we need to adopt chickens to live in the house because while we’re self-isolating this would be a great chance to train them and Victor keeps saying something about our HOA not allowing chickens but I’m pretty sure that rule is doesn’t pertain to indoor chicken and if it does that’s just because they’ve never seen a pet chicken in a fancy ass tuxedo (Which they would totally wear all the time so people take them seriously).   Victor says chickens are not pets but I knew a chicken named Nugget who was a real sweetie and only pooped on me once and I’m pretty sure they probably make good anxiety companion animal.  Victor disagrees so we compromised and that’s how this bit of fried gold we saw on Facebook ended up in my life:

taxidermied adolescent alpaca with a road kill raccoon on it's back

(It died of natural causes on a farm, btw.  I checked.  And if you’re new here, the raccoon was roadkill.  Don’t throw blood on me.)

I spent several hours brushing it out and looking for a good name…Lorenzo Llama?  Llama Delrey?  Llama Mia?  and then Victor was like, “That’s an alpaca” and I can’t come up with a single good alpaca name so I need your help.  Suggestions?  Leave it in the comments.

PS.  HANG ON….VIRGINIA WOOLf?  Not sure that one works unless I spell it out every time.

HELP.

330 thoughts on “And now for something completely different.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. All I can think of is some play on Al Pacino, but I’m not a magician with names like you are.

  2. Alpaca-Cino – just a thought. . . . or, given the current situation. . . Alpaca-lypse. . . sorry, that is terrible but I couldn’t keep it to myself

  3. Have you seen Cornelius the inside turkey? He’s friends with Esther the Wonder Pig. He walks around inside with special poultry diapers.
    So, chickens can totally be inside pets…. ; )

  4. Oooh yes Al Pacacino had me until Andi came up with Alpacalypse for the win! 🙂

  5. Alpaca? Damn. I was going to suggest Llama llama llama llama llama chameleon.

  6. How about Foghorn Leghorn — it’s a giant chicken… “I say I say that’s no way to stuff a raccoon, son”

  7. Some chickens are pets, definitely. Our house came with a chicken-flap so the pet chicken could go in and out at will.

    Alpaca Rabanne, perhaps?

  8. I don’t know if if you want boy, girl or gender fluid names, but here’s a few! Alpacachino, Chewpaca, Alpacalypsd, Notallama

  9. I was trying to work out something with Sancho Panza — Sancho Alp(ac)anza? Alpaco Panza? Unfortunately, it just doesn’t roll off the tongue. Will keep thinking!

  10. We have 4 pet chickens: Marshmallow, Georgia, Grace and Willow. My daughter reads to them and they’ll sit in your lap. They are super friendly. We also have 3 geckos: Bonnie (Clyde died), Maple and Dixie – easiest pets ever. We also have Koda, the Wonder Pup. I am going to say Alonzo Paca.

  11. Alpacalypse and Alpacus Dumbledore are GENIUS. I can’t top either of those. I hear Pacino is kind of tool, and this darling looks sweet as pie. Alpaca Al La Mode!

  12. I don’t know about names but that alpaca sure reminds me of Falkor the luck dragon from The Neverending Story movie.

  13. Kinda looks like the luckdragon from Neverending Story, so I’d go with Falkor. Or Alpakor.

  14. That face is GORGEOUS! Totally looks like Falcor from Neverending Story. AWWWWWW

  15. I’m going to vote for Freddy Mercury, or Queen – because surely they are the best Alpacapella singers.

  16. Oh, do not tease us chicken people with the idea that the Bloggess will join our little cult!
    But do get over to Instagram and follow Kate at Drinking with Chickens-she’s simply the best!

  17. Llama Del Rey, Alpaca McAlpacaface, Tony Llama (but it IS an alpaca), Spitz, Barack Ollama.

  18. I know!!! Dolly Llama!!! Can you imagine the lovely hats, clothes and accessories Dolly could have?

  19. My daughter has a chicken. She swears by it’s anxiety reducing properties. That that Victor!

  20. oh my gosh that’s cute! I only know “Alpaca lunch” (as in I’ll pack a…) but I don’t think lunch is a good name for any pet^^ Alpacachino?

  21. Alpaca’a are Lama pacos scientifically so I feel like you can totally use llama names too, just drop the second l. And they’re all camelidae if that helps…

  22. Might I suggest going with the Family instead of genus or species and name her Camelid Parker Bowles.

  23. I’d say Alpie, which comes from Alfie, but then I thought people might be confused and pronounce it as Al-pie (like, the actual food: pie, instead of Alfie). So, Alps I guess..?

  24. My kid suggested Al Yankovic.
    Husband says Alpocalypse.
    I vote for Allie Brosh.
    Mom says AlCatraz.

  25. Woolter Mattheu? Woolter Cronkite? Al Pacapone (would work best with a gangster hat!)?

  26. Alpacatrick Swayze
    Hugh Alpacaman
    Al-paca Khan (Chaka Khan)
    Adam al-“Paca-Man” Jones
    Honesty think Llama based names work fine too – does anyone really know the difference? Really?

  27. I already suggested Tina (Napoleon Dynamite) for the llama and now I have a list of chicken names we have used on our farm:
    Albert Eggstein.
    Amelia Egghart
    Attila the Hen
    Bird Lancaster
    Buckbeak
    Cadbury
    Cashew
    Chick Filet
    Chickeel O’Neil
    Chickera
    Chicklet
    Chickovsky
    Chickpea
    Cluck Kent
    Cluck Norris
    Cluckles
    Cocky Balboa
    Colonel Sanders
    Coq a Vin
    Dixie Chick
    Drumstick
    Dumpling
    Egg Nog
    Eggbert
    Eggspresso
    Eggwina
    Eggy Sue
    Feather Locklear
    Foghorn
    Gary Layer (he a golf player)
    Goldiboks
    Grace Shell-y
    Gregory Peck
    Heidi Plume
    Henneth Paltrow
    Kung Pow
    Lady Bird
    Larry Bird
    Laur-hen Bock-all
    Margaret Hatcher
    Marsala
    Mary Poopins
    Meryl Cheep
    Mother Clucker
    Noodles
    Nugget
    Omelette
    Oprah Henfrey
    Peckata
    Peep
    Peter Pecker
    Poppycock
    Potpie
    Princess Layer
    Roo Hefner
    Roo Paul
    Rooster Cogburn
    Russell Crowe
    Ruth Layer-Hensberg
    Sophia Lor-hen
    Teriyaki
    Tyrannosaurus Pecks
    Wyatt Chirp
    Yolko Ono

  28. To further your options, a baby alpaca is called a cria, a female is a hembra, and a male is a macho. So…. Crianna?

  29. i was going to say al pacachino but everyone else already did, and it’s too cute to be al pacino …

    alponso riviera

  30. My friend had a pet quail live in her house, named Quailie. Its poops were really small and wiped up with a wet wipe. It laid eggs.
    I like Alpacalypse, or Cuzco

  31. Alpacas are descended from vicuña, so name him I tot Jr and that will teach him not to tell you your llama is an alpaca. Alpacas and llamas can interbreed so this could be half and half, tell Victor, the only way to know for sure is ask the Mama llama, dingdong!

  32. I have an alpaca rug that I bought from a friend’s farm here in Norway. Her name is/was Delicious. (Yes I think we also might have eaten her).

  33. It’s the angel of the Alpacalypse, obviously. Perhaps you could get it a pope hat…

  34. It looks like Falkor from the Neverending Story. Screw the animal puns and shake up your naming game, Jenny!

  35. Jenny – I think Victor is just messing with you. According to the internet (the font of all Knowledge), llamas have long ears and long noses. Alpacas have very short ears and rounder, smushy faces. You have a llama, mama.

  36. I know it’s an Alpaca but Dolly Llama is so damn funny and I hope you get a Llama so you could use that one. Also, the person that came up with all the chicken names is AMAZING and Feather Locklear is the best name and now I’m going to have to get a chicken so I can use it.

  37. I once saw a zookeeper (children’s zoo) holding a chicken on his lap. He was petting and talking to her. It looked very soothing.

  38. I have no good name suggestions; I just wonder does Victor categorically refuse to open packages that arrive at your home out of concern as to what fresh taxidermy may be contained inside??

    Shut-in minds need to know.

  39. There really are Therapy Chickens- my sister is a social worker and she had a chicken brought in for a little guy on the pediatric ward at her hospital who was missing his chickens and farm at home.

  40. Hmm…I like the play on words. So, Alpaca Piller (children’s section of your bookstore) or Alpaca Pella (Music section) or Alpaca Lypse (seems most appropriate for when you purchased her)…

  41. Glad I’m not the only one who immediately went ‘that’s the dragon from never ending story!”

    Alpacus Dumbledore gets my vote.

  42. I second F. Scott Fleecegerald. It’s a good Camelid fluid name in case the llama/alpaca debate is never settled.

  43. I wanted to like everybody who posted:Al Pacacino, Chewpaca, AlpacaLypes, Notallama, Alpacus Dumbledore…but the site wanted me to sign up and then I needed a domain name and then I worried about, well everything and my anxiety started…so I’ll just post a “THAT’S SO CLEVER OF ALL Y’ALL, I LOVE THOSE NAMES” here.

  44. One of my 10yo twins loooooves stuffed animal alpacas and llamas the most and has a small collection (he particularly loves rainbow colored ones!). He calls them all “Slurp.” When he gets upset and needs to hug on one or more Slurps, he says he’s running low on “Slurp Power.” It’s the sweetest thing in the world.

  45. Did you know they use llamas on alpaca farms to guard the alpacas? They serrate their hooves so they can really fuck up a coyote.

  46. I googled “I’ll pack a” and got back “chainsaw”. So, AlpacaChainsaw. But only if you’re a fan of Limp Bizkit.

  47. Am I the only one who remembers Dana Carver’s skit? He played an Asian shopkeeper who rebuffed Customers’ attempts to buy a chicken, saying “chicken make lousy house pet,” and then once customers had left, dang “I’ve grown accustomed to her face.”

  48. Flaca. Kinda sounds like llama, but since it’s an alpaca, flaca is actually Spanish for skinny (like its skinny neck). ALSO, I thought pf it bc she bears an uncanny resemblance to the Luck Dragon Falkor.

  49. I’ve not commented before, but this sure is a fun party. How about:
    Vicuna Lovegood — imagine the hats! Wooliam (or Woolhelmina) Tell — imagine the gadgetry!
    D.R. Doolittle. ( D.R. for Darling? or simply “Dear”?) She/he looks kind of like half of a pushmi-pullyu. Dress up with one or two horns, as mood suits.

  50. I’ve been trying to get my wife to let me get an alpaca and name her Alpacagawea, but so far no luck, alas. You’re welcome to the name, though!

  51. I really think AL PACA might suit him just fine. Or ALICE PACA if she’s a girl. Don’t you??

  52. I just opened the page and have not gotten past the picture. Bless you for this! lol

  53. Weird ALpaca Yankovick?
    Jeeez, is Victor one of those people who, hearing someone say “look at the alligators, kids!” says “Actually… those are crocodiles. You can tell by the…”?

  54. Jenny, you have a LLAMA! It’s ears are long and banana-shaped, and it has a longer face than an alpaca. My suggestions:

    Tony LLama
    Como te LLama
    Mama Llama

    So freaking cute!

  55. I agree that Al Pacacino or Alpacalypse are the winning choices, but I just needed to comment to add that CLEARLY that alpaca will need a llama friend named Llama Del Rey, so you should get looking. We all know she’s out there…waiting for you.

  56. Are you sure it’s an alpaca, and not a suri (smaller, softer kind of alpaca)….?

    In that case… Surina Williams

  57. Llarry.

    And when someone actualies, “that’d be funny if that were a llama and not an alpaca,” you reply, “that’s the joke though, isn’t it?” and walk quickly off to someone more important.

  58. Just google some pictures of llamas and alpacas and compare. For goodness sakes! It’s too cute for Alpacino though.

  59. Those eyes look like a girl from the 20’s. I would say an old fashioned silver screen lady
    MARY Pickford
    Lillian Gish
    Clara Bow

  60. If it’s a llama, Geddin. As in. Llama Geddon.
    If it’s an alpaca, Lypse. As in. Alpaca Lypse.

  61. Llamas are jerks! That sweet face must be an alpaca, in which case it might be Malala Paca, Phaka Khan, Alpie McBeal, Frank (al) Pakka, Barack Alpaca, Al Pacchiato?

  62. Did someone already suggest Louisa May Alpacacott?
    I didn’t read every comment so it may be a repeat idea. But I like it.

  63. I vote for Dolly Lama, that is just too perfect to not use. That face is just too serene for anything else. But Lama Turner is a close 2nd. I can imagine you saving F. Scott Fleecegerald for some sort of spectacular sheep in the not too distant future.

  64. Someone wrote it’s a cria = baby llama/alpaca, so Criastina Aguillama og Criastina Alpagate

  65. Her name was Lola, she’s not a Llama
    With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
    She would merengue and do the cha-cha
    And while she tried to be a star
    Rory always tended bar
    Across the crowded floor, they worked from eight til four
    They were young and they had each other
    Who could ask for more?
    At the copa (co) Copa – alpaca (Copa-alpaca)
    The hottest spot north of Havana (here)
    At the copa (co) Copa-alpaca
    Music and passion were always the fashion
    At the copa they fell in love

  66. Sarah Jessic-Alpaca
    CamillAlpaca Bowles
    Avracalpaca
    Eleanor Parker…..(El Parker). 🙂
    Bonnie Alpaca (now you need a Clyde…her name was Bonnie Elizabeth Parker….Bonnie El Parker)

  67. I do like Alpacalypse, and since you mentioned “fried gold” in your post, ergo —-> Shaun of the Dead.
    Then clearly that’s my vote.

  68. I vote for Lola at the Copa Cobana with Rory tending bar!!!!
    Or Alli Paco Lypse.
    Or Fluffy, just because sometimes you have to break out of the pack.
    Or Faline from the movie Bambi, because just look at those eyes!
    (Please don’t name it Al Pacachino, he doesn’t strike me as a warm fuzzy person.)
    But I do love Dolly Notallama.
    Or Vic Cuna

  69. Camella Parker Bowles

    They’re camels, so this would not only be a great icebreaker for a conversation, it would be extremely educational.

  70. It’s a her, right? Hard to tell with the particular half that’s missing.

    Crisadora Duncan
    Fllamary O’Connor

  71. Clearly I need to ask this group for ideas when I adopt my kittens (whenever this pandemic abates)! You all are AWESOME and so WITTY! Thanks for the chuckles this morning you wonderful folks!

  72. Two names come to mind – – I don’t know why – – Figaro and Poindexter. I know, Not funny names! Looks like alpacaChino (Not a fan of him really) and Dolly llama are running a close race! I like Virginia Woolf too! Also Alpacalypse! Actually I think that’s my favorite. Then he could say “You can call me Al.”

  73. Bahama Llama

    And by the way, my first pet was a rooster named Tweet Tweet and he lived in our house in Philadelphia. His coop was situated in the backyard but he moved inside during the winter. Mostly in the basement. He loved spaghetti but because we were kids with warped kids humor we would sometimes feed him chicken. He liked it.

  74. I would say Chuck Woolery but apparently he’s kinda douchey on Twitter? I’ll keep thinking.

  75. his face looks like the flying dog from “the never ending story” movie. I dont remember what its name was

  76. When I first saw it I thought Edwina, nothing rhymes with alpaca. However if you say “Alpaca” with a heavy Italian accent it opens up some possibilities..Alpaca my lunch….Alpaca my swimsuit.Not very good possibilities but there they are

  77. Al. Just plain Al. With an ode to Paul Simon – I can call you Betty, and Betty, when you call me you can call me Al.

  78. Agreed. I also immediately said, Al Pacachino.

  79. Are you SURE that’s an alpaca? Cuz it looks like a llama to me. And now I feel weird because I’m not a llama/alpaca farmer, so why do I know these things? Or think I know these things? Sigh. And now I want some chicha morada candy.

  80. I really wish Lorenzo Llama was a viable option, because true story: he went to one of my family reunions when I was a kid, and I got a photo with him and his long Renegade hair and I was SO EXCITED because I loved that show (nevermind that it wasn’t really appropriate for a 7 year old…) Anyway: Al-paca Roker or Alpacacino.

  81. Wooly Nelson gets my vote.
    As much as I love the idea of Al Pacacino … you’re in Texas.

  82. Al-paca-knife… Sandwich… punch etc.
    Chewpaca!
    Alpac Shakur
    Alegra LOL
    Alpacalypse
    Etta Alfalfa
    Princess Al Righty
    =)

  83. I want a pet Rooster.

    I dated a guy once who had a Cat and Pet Rooster because he wanted to have the pussy and the cock.

    Did you mean to be obsessed with cats and roosters for this reason? Or was that all Freudian?

  84. Hackin’ Packin’ Alpaca 🦙Rihanna Juana Madonna Llama 🦙Vicuna Lovegood 🦙

  85. Chickens are totally pets. Probably not indoor pets – but what do I know, I bet they could be if they wanted to be. My chickens are 100% pets. Outdoor pets that lay eggs – which is nice too, but their soft feathers pat pat and they’re funny to watch. And they bitch at each other over worms!

  86. m Brazilian, I can’t speak English, but I read your books and use the Google translator to read what you write on your blog. My God I need to learn English (I’m trying hard lol)

      actually I just realized that all this shit has nothing to do with the llama kkkkkk

    ps: i’m using google translator for this comment so blame him for any mistak

  87. I speak alpaca. His name is Susan and he wants you to respect his life choices. #DoctorWho #11thDoctor

  88. I just want you to know, Jenny, that an chicken would be a good anxiety companion animal if the objective is to provide a companion to all your existing anxieties. But! In these parlous times, the risk of salmonella and other avian-vectored ailments might help some people to remember to wash their hands more often, because I really think we’re not hearing enough about that.

    Joke, sad attempt at, one, #bloggessfam for the use of.

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