This is not easy. Give yourself credit.

in more than meets the eye

Tonight makes three weeks since I’ve seen anyone I know in real life other than Victor and Hailey.  I’m not alone in this.  My sister is still relegated to her bedroom after close to two weeks (she’s doing so much better though, thank God) so compared to her I’m lucky.  And compared to the people who have no choice but to expose themselves to help others or themselves she’s lucky.  But knowing that others are suffering more doesn’t really make it easier for anyone.

I see so many people struggling with working from home and trying to suddenly homeschool their kids and I see other people who have their shit together and are giving advice about how to get through this like a badass but here’s the honest truth:  I work from home.  So does Victor.  Hailey goes to online high school.  I am near reclusive at times.  But even for us?  This shit is hard.  It’s hard to concentrate.  It’s hard to prioritize.  It’s hard to finish deadlines and not feel stressed out and have cabin fever and feel like you don’t know what the shit you are doing while everyone else seems to be doing 10 zoom meetings a day and creating a home gym and learning three new languages while doing perfect yoga and making homemade jam.

But I suspect that most of us are just getting by…just watching this slow-moving crisis and surviving and trying to make the right decisions even when it’s hard as hell.  We get mad at others who are not doing their part.  We get mad when others aren’t aware of what we’re going through.  We break apart and cry and worry about so many things at once that eventually we just freeze up and refresh the internet a million times and yell at people we love because we’re worried about them and can’t keep them safe and feel helpless.

I know it’s not like this for everyone.  Some people have it easier or care less.  Some people have it harder and feel desperate.  But I think a lot of us are stuck right here…in that still but strange paralysis…waiting for it to get better…waiting for it to get worse.  Waiting for it to be over somehow.

I don’t know what the future holds.  But I do know this.  We will do our best.  We will falter.  We will struggle.  We will help others and be helped ourselves.  We will become stronger together by surviving this.  We will deal with the damage and mourn people and places and events and moments that we took for granted would arrive but won’t.  We will emerge with new stories and new memories and new tools and very different perspectives…and there is the potential for so much good.  I see family members and friend who struggle, but still push forward.  I see people I love make terrible sacrifices to care for strangers and each other.  I see strangers become heroes.  I see assholes, yes, but frankly if we’re being honest, most of those people were assholes before.  But mostly I see us.  We fight in strange ways and we hope and we reach out and we try to help.  We grow.  We make mistakes.  We learn.  We remind ourselves that we don’t know everyone’s story and try not to judge.  We hold the people we do know accountable even if it’s awkward.   We survive the day, and even when it’s just binge-watching tv all day with the cat that can be a victory.  This time is painful, I know.  But don’t short-change your victories and actions in this fight.  If you can find small ways to make this experience life-changing or rewarding you totally should.  But if you can’t, THAT IS TOTALLY FINE TOO.  

Remember that you are not alone.  Even when you feel it.  The quiet of the streets and the closing of the doors is a sign that people care.  It is a huge and incredibly quiet revolution of sorts…of people stopping the world to protect others.  Who would have ever thought so many people around the globe could work together to protect the most vulnerable amongst us?  And as painful as it is to live through it, I’m glad to be able to witness it.

I hope you are too.

I am sending you love tonight.  And I know maybe you can’t feel it but I’m there. We all are.  You can hear us in the silence and see us in the twinkling window lights at midnight.  We’re here.

269 thoughts on “This is not easy. Give yourself credit.”

Read comments below or add one.

  4. ❤ working from home & stool don’t have my shit together. So much too do.Can’t focus on anything. Sleeping way too much just to escape. Blessings. Thanks for posting this.

  6. I love this: “It is a huge and incredibly quiet revolution of sorts…of people stopping the world to protect others.” <3 Hugs to you, this will be worth it.

  7. That was beautifully said, and I love that you are brave enough to put into words what most of us are feeling. You’re a light in the darkness. Don’t ever stop. Thank you!

  8. Hugs from Norway. It’s hard – we’re just starting week four of social isolation. Thanks for this beautiful post!

  9. Thank you for this timely message. I finally broke down and cried tonight. After weeks of stress, I felt completely tapped out. This was the reminder I needed that those of us who care are fighting for something important. We will get through this. One day at a time.
    Thank you! Wishing you and yours good health.

  13. To those of you that are here reading this and those that are sending me cards and vice versa from last years posts (even those that just started sending me cards) Thank you! I appreciate you sending them. I appreciate Jenny writing this, her family doing their part and The Bloggess tribe doing their part! It’s hard to do my part and my daughter doing her part (even her telling me all the time to stay home – and I do) and my daughter-in-law and son as well, and my sister telling our mom she can’t leave and trying to work and home school her 10 y/o and 6 y/o granddaughters from her oldest son, while her daughter-in-law from her youngest son just disappears out of the house and takes the 2 y/o grandbaby and doesn’t tell anyone where she’s going (to the store, to the other grandparents, to a friend’s house, to work) and her youngest son comes home and asks where his wife and daughter are. I appreciate ALL of you!

    {hugs}
    Sandy/Wynterose/Aset

  14. I’m laid off, but know I have a job to go back to. So I should feel lucky. But it’s hard not knowing when the end is going to be. The uncertainty is what’s dragging me down. My goal is one day at a time, however I can get through. Thanks for your usual words of wisdom, Jenny.

  16. God, I love you. I’m near freaking out myself just because my job allows me to work from home, and I’m grateful, but I know being open puts others at risk and I’m having serious ethical issues with it, and people I’m talking to are just…horrible. And they don’t care. And they’re refusing to donate to worthy causes that would help others and it’s putting me in a bad mood. But then I see this and am reminded that I’m not the only one. Bless you, sweetheart. We’ve got this.

  17. Like you, we already worked from home, and I’m an introvert by nature, so hanging out with people is not something I miss. What I do miss is going to a coffee shop or a restaurant with a book or my notebook, just to get a change of scenery.
    I can’t wait until this lockdown is over. I mean, I WILL wait, but I wish I didn’t have to. I wish we all didn’t have to. I hope my favorite places will be able to reopen after such loss of business.

  20. So often, you read my mind! Thanks especially for “But knowing that others are suffering more doesn’t really make it easier for anyone.” and “It’s hard to finish deadlines and not feel stressed out and have cabin fever and feel like you don’t know what the shit you are doing while everyone else seems to be doing 10 zoom meetings a day and creating a home gym and learning three new languages while doing perfect yoga and making homemade jam.” Thank you for putting my feelings into words once again.

  21. I step outside and feel the air move past me, taste the rain in the air, see the clouds floating overhead, and am reminded how it all connects us, that that air, that rain, those clouds have recently been over your house, and hers, and his. Then I come back in and jump on my computer to say “Hi, Jenny, I saw your cloud tonight!” and it all feels a little better.

    (You made me cry. ~ Jenny)

  22. My daughter is suffering a very stressful pregnancy that has put her at risk of losing her baby twice. She has a 17 month old that she can barely tend to because she’s so sick. I drive there each day to get my granddaughter, all while receiving morbid texts from my daughter. I’m not sure how much more I can take.

    (That’s so hard. Hormones and anxiety and exhaustion are such a tough combo. She’s lucky to have you. Give yourself credit for all you are doing and give her a hug for me. ~ Jenny)

  23. this was kind, Jenny. and I hope you all continue to do well and your sister continues to mend.

    it’s surreal, but also too real. personally, I can cook, but I can’t pick up a drawing pencil and I can’t completely figure out why. but will be trying again tomorrow.

    many hugs to everyone & the whole bloggess community.

  24. I’m struggling being trapped in a home with my deeply mentally and emotionally abusive husband. I’m also immunocompromised but am still the one required to go to the store for essentials, get my essential employee husband’s oil changed, and so on. He takes zero precautions to keep me or our daughter healthy when he comes home from work. I cry every day, I have a panic attack every day. I keep wondering why not just give up and end it…but I don’t want to make my daughter sad and stick her with just her dad forever so them I end up feeling guilty for wanting to die. My school is closed so that means I won’t be graduating in July and that means no job so she and I can get away from him. The fear and anxiety and stress have me paralyzed but I’m fighting so hard to keep going. I don’t have any hope for a happy or peaceful life but I just keep fighting every day anyway 😔. Thank you for “being there” and reminding me I’m not alone.

    (Oh sweet heart. You deserve so much more than this. You will get through this and then you will move on with you and your daughter. You will reach out to people who can help and who have been through this. You are not alone. There is something about being in an abusive relationship that colors everything else in your life. But when you are out you can see clearly. It took me years to leave an abusive partner and it was incredibly hard and I didn’t even share a house or child with him. This is hard. But you can do hard things. Your daughter needs you. ~ Jenny)

  25. It’s been a struggle. I’m a high school teacher and my entire world got dumped on its side. We’ll all get through it by being there for each other. Much love to you!

  26. this was kind, Jenny. and I hope you all continue to do well and your sister continues to mend.

    it’s surreal, but also too real. personally, I can cook, but I can’t pick up a drawing pencil and I can’t completely figure out why. but will be trying again tomorrow.

    many hugs to everyone & the whole bloggess community.

  27. Thank you for this. I have good days and then days where I’m just exhausted blfrom doing nothing. But at the end of the day, I’m grateful to be safe at home. I tell myself that every day; you’re not stuck, you’re safe.

  28. I keep trying to think of this as an opportunity- learn something I would never have taken the time to learn. Life is crazy ass busy with 6 kids so I am in a slight panic, like I don’t want to look back and think ‘oh shit, I could have bettered myself in this way’ – plus it keeps me busy, in case I collapse from the boredom of having 6 kids who EAT a ton and leave their shit everywhere. Yeah there’s that too.

  29. Thank you, Jenny. Due to government orders I am off work and waiting for Employment Insurance to kick in. My husband and I are going to be okay financially and health wise, knock on wood. No one in our small community has tested positive (yet) so I feel lucky. And yet I have trouble keeping a thought in my head, feel out of sorts, am sleeping so much and yet am so tired. My to do list is as long as my arm but all I have done this past week is eat, sleep, watch TV and surf the internet. Thank you for saying it is okay to be this way and that we’ll get through it.

  32. Thank you as always for inspiration. It has been a rough few weeks but periodic breaks to hear from you helps bunches.Love and virtual hugs to the Tribe! 💕💕💕💕💕

  35. I live alone and work from home, so I am usually pretty isolated as well. I don’t always like it, but I am more accustomed to it than most. But you are so right, Jenny… this is still hard.

    I only have a neighboring cottage on one side and they moved out about two weeks ago. I miss the sounds of life I used to hear and now feel like I am living in a bubble or a really warped version of The Truman Show with no human co-stars and few extras.

    Before all of this happened, I was excited to be embarking on new training and other projects that were going to end some of my isolation and help me move forward in a new career. All of that is now on hold and I am just… here.

    Thank you for the message, Jenny. I need reminders that I am not alone. I hope you, Victor, and Hailey stay safe; I’m also happy to hear your sister is doing better. I’m sending love back to you and yours, with Hunter, Rolly, Ferris, and Dorothy included.

  36. Thank you for this. 💓 we homeschool and my husband worked from home part-time already but this shit has been difficult.

  37. Thank you for sharing this! Thank you thank you. I am a teacher and I am probably about to get in trouble from my admin because I am behind on my work. I have struggled with this transition to online learning. I’m not anti-tech per say, but I teach little kiddos with special needs and I haaaaaatttteeeee this for them. I just don’t think it is good for them. So I just sit here, paralyzed, because I just cannot get behind the “something is better than nothing” mindset that is so popular right now. And I also feel a tremendous amount of guilt because I know that I am adding to other people’s stress if an assignment doesn’t make sense, or is too hard, or is not hard enough. Sorry. I can’t say this to my family or co-teachers because everyone thinks I am just complaining and having a bad attitude and they are ‘tired of hearing teachers whine’. Plus, I live by myself. So thank you – I am going to bed and giving myself credit for the little bits I am getting done!!!

  39. Thank you SOOOO much for this, Jenny. We are here, we get it, and we’re not letting the noise distract us from what truly matters. Stay safe, and keep up the awesomeness. <3

  41. Thank you, btw. Part of my coping strategy has been to lessen to your books. The laughter helps ease the anxiety. The laughter reminds me that things don’t need to be perfect, or normal, to be good (or good enough).

  44. I love you! And thank you for every day, in some form or another, via your books, coloring book, 2020 calendar, blog, or twitter, for being an anchor and friend to me even though you don’t even know me. I have told you this before, and I don’t want to keep bringing it up, but this is my reality. i have been quarantined to my bedroom now for 19 days with COVID-19. I left my house once during this time to visit the ER per my doctor’s orders. I am just now (yesterday and today) starting to feel better. But I I think maybe I’ve grown too comfortable and safe in my bedroom, alone with my dog. I am now afraid I may never leave. I was already dealing with isolation as a result of grieving my 26 year old daughter’s suicide. I just hope some day I will be able to climb out of this.

  45. Thanks for this post. I’ve been struggling today because my family thinks my dog is able to transmit the virus so today I decided to self-isolate with my dog away from my family. My dog is my baby and I wish my family understood that.

  47. I needed this so badly tonight. Thank you for writing what I needed to hear.

  48. I take comfort in the little wins. I live in a city where I can order my groceries, and pick them up outside the store without worrying about social distancing. Today, I managed to find a shop with toilet paper, and took two packs to my daughter, who was running low. We had a nice chat, about 10 feet apart, and even had some laughs. The drive was luxurious, with so few vehicles on the street. Little things matter, and it’s good to remind myself to be thankful.

  49. My brother-in-law died 2 days ago of pneumonia. My sister is alone to deal with her loss, making arrangements, etc. All I can do is call her and talk to her and let her cry. This is all so damn hard. And yet, there’s this light in my heart that keeps me believing we will get through it and be stronger for it. Hugs and love to all of us. Seriously.

    (I am sending so much love. I’m so sorry. ~ Jenny)

  50. ” The quiet of the streets and the closing of the doors is a sign that people care. It is a huge and incredibly quiet revolution of sorts…of people stopping the world to protect others. ”
    Thank you so much for this-it’s a way of looking at it that I hadn’t thought of and I’m just sitting here with tears coming down.

    We’re going to make it .

  53. I can’t put it in the right words but thank you for this post. I was struggling this evening and this helps. Thank you for making me feel less alone 🙂

  54. Thank you, love you! Hang in there, we’ll get through this and hopefully learn from this experience.

  55. Thank you for sharing. I am feeling so many of these things too. Panic attacks and nightmares have set in. Thank you.

  56. You make me laugh out loud.

    You make me messy cry.

    For me feeling anything right now except consuming emptiness is such a wonderful gift.

    Thank you thank you thank you

  57. Yep. I don’t know what day of the week or the time unless I look at my phone. I play games on my computer, eat, play games on my tablet, drink, play games on my phone, plug everything in to charge and try to sleep. Every bit of support structure has moved online. I am a computer geek that can’t handle virtual support groups and therapy by phone. I get so frustrated and angry that every thing we are supposed to do to stop the spread of the virus seems to eat at my progress a little more. And the I feel guilty

  58. Many of us tend to compare our insides – all the pain and chaos we’re feeling – with other people’s outsides – the images they present to the world. Even when we’re envying someone else’s having their act together, they may be looking at us and envying some aspect of our lives. It helps a lot to gently remind myself that I don’t know what’s really going on in the emotions and thoughts of anyone but myself.
    It also helps a lot to remember not to hold myself to a higher standard than I expect of others, and give myself acceptance for not being at the top of my game when I have problems draining my ability to cope and act. I am not at 100% right now, not even close, and that’s okay. I don’t expect others to be functioning without problems, do I?
    One of the patterns I’ve noticed when I make a grocery run, when I am online, and so on, is that most people have always been decent, but now they’re being even more friendly, generous, and thoughtful. Not everybody, but as you said, the assholes were assholes to start with. If anything, hard times (and getting old) often seem to concentrate people’s essences – whatever we’re like, we get more that way.
    I’m lucky in many ways – I’m retired so I don’t have to go to a job, and I have steady income and health care from my retirement and disability.

  59. Thank you for this kind and thoughtful post. Thank you for the love. Much love is going out to you and your family, and I hope you can feel it.

  61. Damn I hate doing this on a phone. Last line was: And “theN” I feel guilty, get angry,and start the whole sequence over. But, yeah, I’m content with being numb as much as possible for the time being.

  62. Oops – hit post too soon. Anyway, I’m lucky in some ways related to financial security and ability to stay at home. And I’m very introverted, so being at home doesn’t bother me.
    But I’m also a disabled senior with a decades-long history of repeated bouts of pneumonia, the last one bad enough to put me in the ICU for 5 days with a collapsed lung and a raging systemic staph infection. So the fact that this thing is a highly contagious lung disease inspires some dread.
    I guess we all have our own mixes of pros and cons. Some people’s situations are a lot harder, and we should be doing things as a society to help them more than we are.
    But this too shall pass, and those of us still here when it ends will be stronger and better eqipped to get through the next shitstorm. And we have each other.

  63. I cant even begin to tell you how much I needed to hear this tonight. Thank you.

  64. I needed this more than you know. I’ve followed you for nearly 9 yrs at this point and never commented. Thank you so much for expressing everything I’ve felt. I work from home and have a chronic illness so I’ve social distanced for years. But this is a whole new level. I finally admitted I have anxiety and started buspar. Stay sane and stay safe everyone. Sending light and love❤

  66. Thank you for somehow normalizing what we are all doing and feeling. I needed this so badly today. I’m taking care of my 94 year old mother, as well as two elderly friends who live alone, and trying to lose myself in making sure their needs are met. Today was hard, and your words feel like aloe vera on a fresh burn. Big virtual hug from Fort Worth!

  67. Like so many here, I work from home anyway with remote clients, I live alone, and I generally like being alone. But my routine normally involves a nice long break midday to go to Starbucks, chat with regulars and my baristas, and talk to my bus driver. I don’t think I expected this to hit me so hard. Last week I was on deadline and it all came crashing down and I sobbed for two hours like I hadn’t since my dad died in ’96. And I was feeling guilty because I am grateful that I have work (more than usual actually) and I have to get it done. But I was feeling jealous and mad that everyone else was treating this like a vacation. I woke up the next day decided that this is new normal and I would just keep going as well as I could. It’s mostly been pretty good, but the nights are hard…it kind of all hits me. So I give myself permission to just putz around for a while and get back to working if my brain is cooperating. It’s helping for now and that’s really all I can ask for. It sucks but we will get through this as a society…thank you for your words, as always.

  68. Many thanks, Jenny. You summed everything up so well. Love you. My tribe is doing ok. My 2 sons are not essential workers but so far their companies have gotten around remaining open. Go figure. My hubby and I are senior citizens and are petrified they’ll bring the virus home. I too haven’t been out for 3 weeks. Have this awful cough that I can’t seem to shed. Anyway, I really appreciate your post. Thank you.

  69. You have such a gift for putting into words the things we all want to express and can’t seem to. Thank you.

  70. Many thanks, Jenny. You summed everything up so well. Love you. My tribe is doing ok. My 2 sons are not essential workers but so far their companies have gotten around remaining open. Go figure. My hubby and I are senior citizens and are petrified they’ll bring the virus home. I too haven’t been out for 3 weeks. Have this awful cough that I can’t seem to shed. Anyway, I really appreciate your post. Thank you.

  71. I needed this so much. I feel like it was different to be reclusive when I had the choice of going out or not. The hard part of this is having that choice taken away. However, we will come out of this more resilient than before and that’s something 🙂

  72. As much as you give words of encouragement and strength to others, you also need to hear that it will be okay. None of us truly know what the hell a we’re doing as few, if any, have lived through a pandemic and some may cope by running out and buying as much useless shit as they can and others, well they do their part and stay home, take care of their family and half-assed take care of themselves. YOU are human, breath in, breath out and know no matter where you find yourself in the cycle of life, we’re all riding with you and most of us are bitching about the seat in our ass 🙂 sending you virtual love and hugs.

  73. A great thought, well put. It is a painfully stressful time, and IS overwhelming at times. I am doing my best to get through it, but I can feel some erosion at the edges. I have been trying, for two weeks now, to work on some paintings, and, have ended up doing little but staring at the faint sketch, and the brushes…Maybe tomorrow.

    For all who make it this far and read this…I am doing my best to cling to the thought that this will not be forever, and, in time, things will improve. Sometimes it is the only thing that keeps me here. Hang in there!

  74. Jenny, I am home alone most of the time, and I have still been getting cabin fever because I can’t go out when I want. I have physical ailments that put me in the vulnerable population, so my husband goes to the grocery store. The other place I used to go to is the library but it’s closed. So yes, there is a difference between choosing to be at home and needing to be at home because there is danger outside your door. I am so glad to hear your sister is better. In time, we will all be better. We just have to hang in there.

  77. Hmmm. Really? You and Victor and the online-kid are all living in a world of hearts-n-flowers while stuck at home together? I understand that “The Bloggess” is a blog devoted to making everyone feel wonderful, but… really? Nothing real/honest to say about the situation?

    (I think maybe you’re not reading the same post I wrote, friend. There aren’t any hearts or flowers here. There is a lot of yelling at each other because we’re all stressed out, and fights with in-laws who are not taking proper precautions and giant messes from crafts that I never finish and lots and lots of burned food because none of us know how to cook. Although one time we cooked hot dogs in the back yard and that was nice. I promise, this is honestly shitty for everyone. You are not alone and I’m sending you love. ~ Jenny)

  78. Thanks Jenny, it’s hard. But it would be harder with a lot of loss of friends and loved ones. I have been home 2 weeks now as immune compromised and lung problems (2010/11 quakes here in New Zealand). So many people are helpful. They share the love. That’s what I’m trying to hold on to instead of being scared sh*tless that I will catch this virus and die.

  80. Thank you. This post was just what I needed, and no doubt touched others as well. We are all in this together. I miss seeing my family and friends in person. But I’d rather miss them for a month or two, even more if needed, than to never see them again. Call and check up on family and friends. A quick call, a simple check-in, means a lot. Means the world. As you’ve said – This is not easy and give yourself credit. Stay safe. Stay healthy. Stay home.

  85. On Facebook I post positivity and how we can all get through this. To be there for each other and help those who need it. But behind closed doors I’ve had three breakdowns during one spent all my money on a PS4 I couldn’t afford (sorry not sorry) and cried curled up in a ball. But you know what the breakdowns pass and I get back to hustling side gigs to make money and when I can’t take it no more I play PlayStation. There’s not right or wrong (except hoarding all the toilet paper) we just have to keep going each day.

  86. I decided today that it was OK to not be OK and that was a huge victory for me. I have mostly been stressing about getting grocery deliveries and keeping up with work. I had a meltdown on Skype with my boss and cried a bit. She was great and told me to take a break for an hour, which I did and it helped. I think even if you’re used to working from home, everything else isn’t normal/the same and so that makes it all a struggle.

    Thanks Jenny ♥ {hugs}

  87. I’m a homebody. I live alone. I have fibromyalgia and I’m over 65 years old. We are on a Shelter in Place order until April 30. I have spent days sometimes a week without speaking a single word or having interaction with anyone. But those times I did have the option of going for a walk or the Quiktrip for a drink. Now I’m stuck and this is a whole different feeling of isolation. But as you said we will get through this. I just hope it’s soon.

  88. Thank you for this, really. I have social anxiety and am basically a recluse even under the best circumstances. I go online and I see all these posts and memes from other introverts and other unsocial people about how they “have been preparing for this our whole lives” and “it’s just business as usual” and it makes me want to scream. I swear, I feel like I’m the only social recluse that is struggling with this and it’s just so invalidating.

    So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for this post and for sharing that you, a fellow socially reclusive type person, are also struggling with this. Because it is really, really hard and it is so good to know that I’m not alone.

  89. Thank you,Jennie! Daughter who works as a grocery cashier was tested for Covid today. Came back negative!!! So selfishly thankful, yet sad for others who haven’t been as lucky!
    janbarkhurst@gmail.cpm

  91. My shit is so not together I think it may have left the building. Well, that analogy turned disgusting, sorry about that. I needed this perspective- it was the perfect thing to wake up to this morning when I had a hard time sleeping bc this is such a discouraging situation. Thank you as always!!’

  92. Thanks Jenny, wise words as always. I have a bracelet that I now wear, I’ve had it for ages and never worn it, but now I have it every day. Very simply it says “Hope over Fear” it’s a good reminder for me that no matter how bad things get, hope will always be a stronger force than fear. Take care and stay safe.

  96. Well said and thank you. Yeah, I had a panic attack too. I’m one of those strong people that comparmentalizes and pushes through and dammit doesn’t get panic attacks. My Fitbit read my heart rate at 195. It’s hard, but We’re going to raise our freak flags and get through it.

  97. I’m glad your sister is doing better Jenny. You’re right about getting mad at others breaking the rules and putting all of us at risk-it makes me really mad! The isolation doesn’t bother me as I’m not a social animal, but seeing so many people dying is the upsetting part of this.

  98. Thank you, Jenny. You hit it on the head for me: it’s really hard to feel like anything but a failure when I’m reading about other people crafting amazing things & doing yoga & learning a language & fixing incredible meals & bonding with their loved ones (or even fighting with them, at least they have someone to fight with). I know I’m lucky in a lot of ways: I have a job I can do from home, I’m relatively healthy, after being sick for 2 weeks, but unable to get tested because I wasn’t sick enough, I have a roof over my head, and I have my darling pup. But I hadn’t really recovered from losing my husband (2 years but seems a lot less), and the sheer aloneness has hit me hard. I have no family locally, and none of my friends have been checking on me this whole time, and I have frequently been throwing myself epic pity parties in my head. Thanks for sharing and making me feel like maybe I’m not such a freak for freaking out a little bit about all this. We love you.

  100. Thank you so much for this. I’m struggling hard right now. You are amazing!

  101. Oh this was perfect. And so so needed. Thank you from a girl who is self-isolated most of the time, but in quarantine for 2 weeks after just barely getting back to Canada from Melbourne with the husband and kid is hard. So damn hard. One week down. One to go. And then in lockdown mode anyways. I am thinking of everyone and just waiting….like everyone else. Much love to you all…we’re all in this together.

  102. That was like reading my own words! Thank you! I needed to hear that I am not the only one feeling the same way! Both myself and hubby work from home here in the UK and we home educate our 3 children, and we are all finding it so hard! I found myself yesterday just refreshing the internet most of the day, because I just couldn’t make myself focus on anything! Stay safe xx

  103. Yep. Some days I feel like I’m right in things and other days i sit and stare into the void unable to focus on anything and crying out of the blue. I also work from home, but this is so different. Such strange times. Hugs, Jenny!

  104. Thank you. Thank you for caring for the more vulnerable among us. Thank you for loving yourself and us. Thank you for the perspective. Love you.

  105. This is kinda me right now. I am a baker, who specializes in bread, Soni am an essential worker. One a DAY-TO-DAY BASIS I am unsure if I am working the following morning, because of demand (or a lack thereof). In fact, I went to bed last night under the assumption that I am going in today (a scheduled day off), only to be told a half hour ago that I wasn’t needed. The chaos of the world right now is so mentally and physically exhausting, that it has started to wear my body down, but I know people need food. I know that, like the countless others in my positio, I am doing the best I can, but it is very hard to feel I am. But I also know that it is totally fine to NOT be at 100% during a PANDEMIC.

    Be well everyone. You’re all awesome, WE’RE all awesome!

  108. Thank you. I, myself a cat, have been taking care of my humans. They seem lost. I will help them get through this. I hope everyone out there has a cat, a dog if necessary, to keep them company at home. Hugs to all. Suki at pollymorse.blog

  109. Thank you for your words, Jenny. Your strength is giving me strength and I am trying so hard to be strong.

  110. I’ve been having a hard time the last few days. I am trying SO hard to be strong but I am SICK of it at this point and I ended up having a panic attack last night.

    Thank you for your words, Jenny. This shit is SO hard, but yeah…we’ll make it through.

  111. Jenny, you beautiful soul! You managed to sum up so much of how I have been feeling. Part of how I am coping this time of uncertainty is practicing gratitude. I appreciate and am so grateful for your influence in my life and in the world. No other writer has made me cry or made me laugh the way you do or spoken such truth so beautifully that the hairs on my arms and neck stand up straight in attention. I love you and I hope you and your loved ones weather this storm together well!

  112. Wow!!! So uplifting!!! Vote Jenny for Prez 2020!!! You could lead the Mental Health Party!!!😁

  114. Yesterday my armour cracked and I cried a lot. A lot. And today we start again. That is probably my lesson here. Ar least I hope there isn’t some deeper awful-er lesson waiting around the bend. If one is, I’ll deal with it as it comes. One step at a time. Peace and love, y’all.

  115. Thank you for this Jenny. Simple truths but so appreciated. Working from home has thrown me for a loop. It’s not being here, it’s the suddenness of it – the fact that I was thrown into it without enough preparation. And having to help coordinate nearly 40 other people in the same boat. It’s mentally exhausting; I’m working twice as long and hard as when I was commuting to an office. And fuck all these endless Zoom meetings – what a time suck. I’m finding hard to carve out time to do simple things like get into the shower. Remember to eat lunch. Breathe. Yesterday I finally said “no” to a suggestion to join in a webinar at 4pm because I still hadn’t made it to the vet to p/u my cats Revolution medication. NO. Just no. Took time to go to a park, camera in hand, safely distant from others and take some photos. Mentally pull myself out of everything if only for 15 minutes. It helped. Onward.

  116. Day 40 for me because I was sick before the lockdown happened. At this point, I wish I would cry and shout or whatever. Everything has melted into constant brain fog. I try my best, I do.

  117. Thanks for sharing your heart, mine and no doubt, many others. I say it over and over and it continues to amaze me: we are all in this together.

  121. Thank you.
    How are you parents doing, Jenny?

    (They’re good, thanks! They are enjoying the fact that a bunch of the movie channels are free right now so they’re just relaxing and watching tv and trying not to worry too much about everything. They can’t go see my granny in the nursing home so that’s not ideal but they understand. ~ Jenny)

  123. Thank you for this post. Exactly what my family needed to hear. ❤️

  124. Wow. What a great perspective!!! Finding love in the silence.
    Thank you.

  126. Thank you for that very relatable post. I just had a meltdown over a leaky coffee filter. And I’m not a yeller but I gave it a whirl yesterday. And I have sore muscles in my neck and jaw from clenching I guess. Or maybe from excessive chewing and guzzling. Either way I am trying to spend time doing things I am good at like petting the cat and shuffling cards and writing stories in which people go out and about and on with their lives. Good luck everybody and like Jenny says, we will get through this.

  127. You always say what needs to be said and what people need to hear. You are a gifted writer. Thank you Jenny.

  128. Your’e such a good writer, Jenny. Sometimes your words are just magic.

  129. This is pretty much exactly what I’ve been feeling. I’m an “essential” worker so in a lot of ways my world hasn’t changed that much. I still go to work every day. I still come home every night, make dinner, read or watch tv and go to bed. But my shelter is closed and I haven’t seen my shelter cats in weeks, which is painful, especially since they are usually my therapy. I can’t go to the library and I worry about running out of books. I’ve been avoiding the store and just ordering online or having people pick up stuff when they are out. And all of these little differences have increased my normally high anxiety to the point where I can’t even relax when I’m at home. I find myself extremely restless and unable to concentrate on books or TV, which is weird to me because that is what I would normally be doing anyway. I find myself only wanting to eat sweets. I’m trying not to be scared and anxious and worry but as someone with anxiety, that’s kind of what I do on a regular basis anyway. And now there is so much more to be worried and scared about. It really does help to know that I’m not alone, that others feel what I’m feeling. So thank you for putting it into words and sharing. Because I know if I tried to explain it to anyone, they would not get it. I have also found that coloring helps. Thank you. Sending love and hugs.

  130. Thank you for writing this. <3
    It’s really waves of different emotions…some days I feel hopeful & others, the overwhelming grief that so many are going through is immeasurable & painful and my heart hurts for them.
    One thing I do know is that we can’t go back to how we were before and my hope is that we are changed for the better on the micro/personal level and the macro level.

  132. I’ve been working fulltime from home for nearly 5 years, and am a total hermit & love it. BUT, this: “I am near reclusive at times. But even for us? This shit is hard. It’s hard to concentrate.” – EXACTLY how I’ve been feeling. Focusing on work is tough right now & I feel so angry and lost all the time. Thank you for your words, they truly helped.

  134. I like doing yoga. I was doing it several times a week before this happened. Now I work from home alone and don’t feel like it. I work, get on the bike in the basement and watch TV. I have not been within six feet of another person in ten days. It sucks.

  135. Thanks, Jenny. Been a rough week here as the veneer started coming off our sanity. Being reminded of this helps. Thank you.

  136. “It is a huge and incredibly quiet revolution of sorts” – I was doing ok until then, and now I’m crying, but I think I was already crying inside and it just wasn’t visible. Thank you for your words that help us bring our insides out to a healthier place.

  138. As always, you tap into and express our collective struggle, and I appreciate the hell out of that. Be well and thanks always for the light.

  140. Thank you so much, Jenny. March was like five years long, I needed this, and I’m forwarding it to my nearest and dearest.

  142. Jenny, thank you so much for these wise words. My son and his wife work at a hospital in support departments but they are still exposed to all those there and they have a 1 year old. It scares ;me so much and I feel so helpless. But, I am a strong person and I know we will get through this, one way or another.
    That said, I am a gamer and I watch gamers on YouTube and there is going to be a big charity live stream of gamers on April 7th (World Health Day) for fund raising. It’s being headed by JackSepticeye and he’s been working on getting other creators to join in. The three charities they will be raising money for are the United Nations Foundation, Comic Relief (The red nose people) and United Way Worldwide. If nothing else, I can donate to a charity and feel like I’ve helped. Please go check out his short video to see what is going on in the gamer’s community, (Let’s Fight Back Against Coronavirus). I don’t know how to link to him, unfortunately. Lol.
    Also, our local blood bank is asking for people to give blood. I’m hoping to do that as well although, it will put me in a scary situation being close to people who may have been exposed but, again, it’s something I can do to help.
    Whatever you do, stay safe and know you’re loved by people that you don’t even know.

  143. Aside from the waiting, which is just going to suck no matter what (it’s why limbo is still a part of Hell), is having lost the choice. It’s okay to be self-isolated when you know that you can change your mind and go shopping. It’s another to know that your choice is limited to the front or back yard, and that’s if you’re lucky enough to have those.

    And I desperately worry about my friends who have lost their only source of income and are beginning to regret having pets because that added pressure is wearing them down faster than ever. To me, that’s so heartbreaking that I can’t quite breathe – not in a COVID way, but in sorrow – and I wish I had the resources to help each one out.

    So I go to work, and be essential, and I come home to my self-quarantined, work-from-home wife, and just get through.

  144. Thank you for this uplifting message. Stay home, stay well, stay safe.

  146. After being stuck out of state for almost 3 weeks, my teenage daughter and I finally made it home early this morning. With only a dozen people on the flight, the flight attendant asked if I’d like to “socially distance myself” from my daughter. It felt like a golden opportunity, but at the same time a trick question. I decided to keep my seat just in case it was the latter. Throughout the time when we were “stranded” at my mother’s house, I got through it by just focusing on “today, and maybe tomorrow.” And told both my mom and my daughter that’s all I was willing to discuss. Several cancelled flights, and I would just say, well, we’ll see what happens with the next one; I’m certainly not prepared to discuss what happens if that one gets cancelled because it’s not today or tomorrow. It was tough because my daughter suffers from depression and anxiety and my mother is forgetful and will watch the same depressing news show over and over which is not helpful, so focusing on today and maybe tomorrow (what will we eat? where could we go for a drive? what other household projects can we start?) is what got us all through it. What works for one person doesn’t work for the next, but keep trying and you’ll find what works for you. Also–I highly recommend https://worldofcardgames.com if you want to play free card games with your quarantined friends. You can start a private table and invite them, or join a public table and make new friends. We combine the game with a 4-way phone call so we can chat, but there is also chat in the game.

  147. Thank you for saying the things I can’t. Thank you for knowing the feelings I can’t express. Thank you for letting my tears be acknowledged. I am safe, my family is safe, I am strong, I can work from home, but still I struggle. Thank you for letting me really know that I am not alone.

  148. This post right now is everything, I am a teacher trying to do a job that is near impossible and constantly telling myself I’m doing okay. It is so hard to not compare myself to others and feeling like I’m failing. It is so good to hear from you and so many others that no we aren’t making jam and yoga and getting up everyday is sometimes enough. Thanks to you and this community for sharing the reality we are all living right now.

  151. You are a helper…and one so needed and loved. Thank you Jenny! A respite…a warm place to land as my therapist would say…and she knows;) Hugs and love to you and the rest of the tribe!
    XOXOXO XStacy

  156. I so needed this today. I’m usually a pretty tough, get ‘er done kinda person, but I’m struggling here. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

  157. Thank you, Jenny! One of the things keeping me sane is my every Friday Zoom “happy hour” with my teacher peeps. (I retired in June, but am still part of the circle.) We chat, play online games, and are required to have a beverage of choice. For that precious 90 minutes, the gloom disperses and I have hope that everything will, eventually, be okay. ❤️

  159. You are incredibly special, Jenny. Special to me. Special to everyone. I put this as the first article in a folder I called “Jenny” in my Bublup (bublup.com). I just felt you should know. =*)

  160. Jenny, thank you for articulating what so many of us are feeling and thinking. Seeing the echoes of my first reaction (i.e., I so needed this!) in this thread reassures me that I am definitely not alone in my struggles, and that we can get through this together.

  161. This. I love this and love you. I needed to hear this.
    Love,
    A non-jam making, just getting through it mom.

  162. Shameful truth: I have not read your posts as often because of work/kid/life/exhausted eyeballs.
    Beautiful truth: Mostly, your posts make me snort-laugh OFTEN.
    Realistic truth: I need more snort-laughs in this New Normal.
    Truth Truth: You made me cry and feel normal with this post.

    Jenny, you are the BEST kind of human! Thank you.
    Blessings and comfort and strength to all.

  164. thank you thank you thank you…. it never will be enough….
    your post makes me cry, but it’s not bad, because it was kinda of a relief… as you said, it seem that everyone have their shit together and i am here in apathy and feel awful because the most difficult thing is to get up from bed and i am happy when i manage to do so but then I see everyone else do lots and lots of things and I am like….
    thank you. to remind me that small victories are still victories. thank you!! (and sorry for the bad english writing)

  165. Thanks once again for your real and heartwarming words. It is a messed up time but reading word blog has helped so much. You are truly a gift and I am glad you and your family are together. Always praying for the health of your family.

  167. Thank you, Jenny. This is like watching a tsunami in slow motion. I’m a mental health provider who has the luxury at the moment to switch to telemedicine. My real turn on the frontlines will be in the aftermath. It’s challenging to imagine.

  168. Well said. I’m trying to keep busy, to keep the grief at bay. Some days are better than others, and I feel so deeply for those whose suffering is so much worse than mine.

  169. Truth. And so beautifully laid out, with palpable love. Thank you. Sharing with my own quirky and anxious 14 year old daughter.

  170. We are hardest on ourselves right now because we are living in an extraordinarily difficult time and it’s a global suffering. Thank you for the reminder. We need to give ourselves a break as well as support, love and help each other. SPOONS FOR EVERYONE!! [in my best Oprah impression] XOXO ~ Wickedmama

  172. Really needed to hear this this week. Sending love to you and your family (and honestly everyone, because this shit is HARD). <3

  173. Thank you so much for this. I spent most of the day yesterday crying and wondering what good my life was, feeling so alone and that no one cared. This really, really helped. Thank you.

  175. I wish people had been more supportive like this when I became disabled and self-isolated four years ago. It’s hard to hear the complaints from people who had no empathy for my situation just 6 months.

  176. Thank you Jenny!!! You and this whole community help so much!! I love you all. We will get through this!! And I’m around on twitter if anyone wants to talk @JoniSerio.

    Big hugs and all the love for you all!!

    (PS. Fleece Witherspoon helps a LOT!).

  177. Our dilemma brings to mind a haiku I had on my wall years ago through the worst days of struggle. It helped me keep going:

    “Since my house burned down
    I now have a better view
    of the rising moon” ― Mizuta Masahide

  179. I so related to the meme that jokes about finding out my lifestyle is already “quarantine”. lol It’s hilarious. I avoid people anyway and at most, I miss the craft store. I went to the grocery store for the first time in 2 weeks and it was awesome that people were going out of their way to stay away and not shove their carts up my arse or ram my ankles. Is it wrong that I love the 6 ft distance thing? That said, my elderly doggo hurt his paw and after one ER vet trip on a Sunday, and doing all we could. It flared up two weeks later and he had to have surgery. Soooo… right now my dog has better anxiety coping drugs than I do. Mainly because he’s as high energy as it gets and unfortunately his paw infection was right between the toes split with very unfortunate placement of sutures and stitching and all that jazz so little movement is best. ARGH!!!! He’s used to walks and is quite active for an elderly fella. The vet had to give us anti-anxiety pills to keep him basically subdued state of drugged doggo. sigh And he dons the plastic cone of shame, because his soft cone collar won’t work because he can still reach his paw. Here I am oversharing about my minor problems. Making sure my dog eats and poops regularly so i can drug him into submission so his dang foot can heal properly. This too shall pass. Just like my doggo’s stool. HA!

  181. I’m so glad your sister is feeling better! It’s really hard not having my family nearby, I did an email to all of my aunts and uncles and siblings and some of my cousins. Not everyone replied back, which sucks, because then I worry. I depend on phone calls with my Mom and with one of my brothers to fill me in. The relatives who did get back to me, they keep in touch with the others, so hopefully they’ll let me know if anything is up. I’ve been mostly at home for years due to my disabilities, and I’ve always been an introvert, but I liked going to old people yoga for disabilities with my Mom, or just out to lunch with her once a week. Now I only see her from six feet away behind a storm door when my husband takes me grocery shopping for her, and my former stepdad, and my mom in law. As much anxiety as I have shopping for four households during a pandemic, especially because I’m high risk, I love being able to actually see them even if it’s behind a glass door, and all we do is wave. My mother is in remission from cancer, and she’s doing great, and she’s trying not to let her life long depression demons win by gardening like crazy. Last night my husband took his meds for anxiety and depression and shook himself to sleep in the middle of a major panic attack. He’s an essential worker, and his constant contact with the public is making his every day a tremendous staggering fear ridden burden of having to work for our survival, while at the same time wondering what will happen if he gets sick, so many people depend on him. My entire life has been taking care of everybody’s emotions, due to my Mom’s mental illness, and I’m stuck at home, unable to do more than be as little a burden and to not agitate my husband and my Mom in their depression and anxiety. I love my husband, and he’s mostly very sweet, but being stuck in this house, with only each other for social interaction, all the time, is really hard. So, even though I’m a bit of an expert on social distancing, and being at home, this is much harder than my usual life. I try to remember the assholes you meet in this world, are in a world of pain themselves, otherwise they wouldn’t be such assholes. No baby is born an asshole, life makes them that way. I love the videos I’m seeing of people singing and dancing from their porches or balconies or front yards. It makes me remember, we are all in this together, and some days you want to hide in bed with the covers pulled up over your head, but sometimes you have to sing or dance out to the world and defiantly yell “I am here, I matter” with your neighbors and laugh in the face of death! I’m sending my love and prayers to all the members of our world, especially to those who suffer anxiety like me, and depression like my mom, and who suffer from both, like my husband. Sometimes the bravest act we can perform is just surviving another day.

  182. I have the benefit of still going to work every day. I get up with the alarm, make my lunch, shower, get dressed put makeup on. I am in a small office on lockdown we are social distancing, washing our hands and wiping doorknobs and light switches. I am not going to the grocery store and besides work I am housebound. But this little bit of normalcy is what is keeping me sane.

  183. I’m practically a shut in due to chronic illness but the walls are starting to close in one me too. I can’t make my weekly pilgrimage to the library. Your messages remind me I’m not alone. Thank you.

  184. Thank you! Every day I check to see if you have a new post. They inspire, and entertain, and provide solidarity and hope.

  185. You so often say exactly what I need to hear or exactly what I am feeling. Thanks for this post.

  186. I hear you. Thanks for posting what so many are feeling.

    And my husband and I have been working from home for 13 years, but honestly, sometimes it’s really hard to be productive with everything that’s going on… even though our very livelihoods depend on us keeping our sh&^t together & continue working.

    Limiting the news/social media helps. Reminding myself that fear is a feeling but being afraid is a choice (<< Heard this from a smart friend a few weeks ago)

    And knowing this can’t last forever also helps. Just trying to take it one day at a time.

  187. I’d just like to note, regarding the quiet revolution, that Monday’s xkcd comic, viewing this situation from a pathogen’s point of view, was delightful. https://xkcd. com/2287/ (huuugs!)

    (the xkcd page is slightly weird right now because of the annual Technologically Complex Comic which came out yesterday or so; sorry.)

  188. Your blog helps more than you know Jenny. I’ve been basing my kid’s recovery on your sister’s timeline. They are both heading out of this infection and that’s great news. The kid suffers from bad anxiety, so one at a time, her dad and I have broken isolation to stay with her in her house. No signs in either of us, so hopefully we dodged that bullet. Plus her internet connection is better than ours is, so presumably, I’m getting more work done. At least I’m trying to. Thanks for being here on-line <3

  190. This is beautiful. Thank you. I cannot concentrate and I am sleeping a ton and wanting to sleep more. Trying to not be afraid of the future and for my older parents (one who still thinks everything happening is an overreaction – and now will not talk to me). This all sucks but there are so many bright spots of people doing what they can to help others. Thank you for being a bright spot.

  191. I’m SO grateful for the little incredible things that this time brings. My husband is home to have lunch with me, my garden has fewer weeds, My nerdy grown kids are isolated in their own apartments but keep sending amazing video & movie tips (go watch “Inception”!). The neighbors, the strangers on the street, everyone is so kind. We have stopped taking one another for granted!

  197. I have a fellow teacher who was very stressed about moving to digital instruction. At one point (at the very beginning) she asked if she should feel bad because she had only emailed parents at that point. That she keeps seeing people creating FB classes and Zoom classes and all sorts of things that made her feel inadequate.

    I told her that she should not feel bad. Yes, she was (still is) seeing a lot of people talking about what they’ve done, things they’ve set up. But I guarantee that there were a ton of people who hadn’t done anything. We just don’t see or hear them. They aren’t going to say or create a post to say, “Here, let me share how to stay at home and do nothing,” whereas those who have set things up are sharing in order to help others.

    I suggested changing the phrasing from online courses to digital instruction. We aren’t creating entire courses right now, we are just shifting how we are presenting instruction. Our professional world has been turned upside down. We just have to salvage what we can and do the best with what we have. Don’t compare yourself to everyone else. It’s okay to just do what you have to do to stay afloat. Most of us are in survival mode. It’s okay to not be okay right now. It’s okay to do enough to get by so that you aren’t feeling overwhelmed.

    <3

  200. I just found your book Furiously Happy last week and I can’t thank you enough. I have MDD and PTSD and have attempted suicide several times. My husband succeeded 6 years ago. We have 4 children. My sons are fine, my daughter suffers from the crippling anxiety that you do. She also writes and her voice is quite similar to yours! LOL I read it all in one day. It made me stop crying and laugh out loud for the first time in a long time. I promptly send it to my daughter and purchased the “Fuck Off I’m Reading” socks and had them shipped to her. She just recently started to write again at 22 and I can see what an inspiration you will be to her. Thank you for being there in the darkness. Just knowing that and reading your blog helps!

  202. Jenny, you are the best. You have always been the best and you will always been the best. Thank you for everything you do.

  204. Reaching out to JEN (post 24) – our spousal abuse center is still functioning during this pandemic – in fact they are prepared for things to get worse as you described. So if you need to get yourself and your child out – please reach out. There are people who can help you! Sending lots of love your way <3

  206. Always, your words touch my heart and I find connection that makes me feel not so alone.

  207. Thank you, Jenny! This is what we all need to hear right now! <3

  209. So much love to you and all the bloggess tribe. This shit is hard!

  210. I really needed this (you) today. Thank you, HUGS! My new mantra: “Don’t let the assholes win.”

  211. I think our invaluable psychiatrists are going to take a long, well-earned vacation when this is over!
    Sending ((hugs)) and ❤️ Jenny!

  212. God bless you. You are so dear and tender and fragile and yet so strong and valiant! You bring laughter and joy and hope to so many – I hope knowing that helps you through this mess. Sending sanitized hugs. Lots of them.

  213. Thank you for your comforting words, Jenny. I am totally freaked out and beyond worry for my daughter and her husband. They lack enough PPEs and as icu nurses in the northeast they are on the front lines. And to top it off my daughter has a serious autoimmune disease. I am outraged by the assholes who are putting them at risk.

  214. Thank you for this. I’m in your boat. We always work from home. We homeschool our kid. I can’t find my socks or the motivation to care where they are. I have friends in New York City, and I can’t imagine. But we here in SoCal have been “safer at home” since March 16. I just want to go to the grocery store without worrying that I’ll infect my mother-in-law when I get home.

    Thank you for making me feel less alone.

  215. Do what you can, when you can. Realize we don’t have to be strong all the time. Do what you can, when you can. Allow others to be strong when they are able and you are not. Forgive yourself for those moments and know you will rise again. Be gentle with yourself. We are all feeling the same but fortunately not all at the same time. Thank you for holding me up when i am overwhelmed. I will be there to hold you too. Promise.

  216. I so appreciate this. We are a military family and unable to leave our duty station. My husband has to still work and even though I want to protect my family he comes back and forth from basic training/training new recruits and apparently that never stops. I am out of work, kids out of school, family so far away, and we can’t leave our neighborhood. I miss the luxuries of just leaving post and being able to travel to see family. This is hard. For everyone. Hard. I have a wish list a mile long when my husband gets his next paycheck now that I’m out of work, homeschooling, and sheltered for games and entertainment for our kids. I so feel like I’m out of ideas. My craft closey is empty and I have done everything! I’d love more ideas. I’d love ideas to self care when I’m just done and lonely. Your blog is amazing. Thank you for everything.

  218. Thank you, Jenny. Feeling the same way. My nerves are shot. I’m worried about my parents and my sister and my niece. I worry about my husband who is diabetic. I worry that I will make a mistake (even though I haven’t left the house) and contract this thing. But it will get better. Hugs to you. ❤️

  219. Thank you so much for this! I was up at 2:30 this morning with my first full blown panic attack during this quarantine. I am working from home, with my husband in the same office. He’s loud, SO LOUD – even his mouse clicks are loud. My daughter is home with us and I try to be engaged with her while worry about my son who is with his girlfriend. It just all got to be too much. And no, I don’t have it all together, not even half together. Thank you for reminding me that I am ok and I will get through this

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  228. I love you, Jenny. Thank you for BEING YOU! Seriously. Your words … your sensitive, honest, raw, real, and often hilarious words, speak to my heart, touch my soul and have added laugh lines in just the right places on my face. Keep on keeping on. That is all. Wanda O.

  230. Many hearts to this post.

    Although I will say when I read “you can hear us in the silence”, all I could instantly picture was The Silence from Doctor Who….

  231. Ha ha, #77 clearly never read posts of yours like “These are the conversations we’ll miss when one of us finally kills the other.” And that was before the plague! Anyway, thank you for the lovely, hope-filled conceptualization of what we are all doing together.

  232. your often move me with your posts, but today you made me shed happy tears. Thank you for looking at this crazy time and seeing the goodness and bravery of the ordinary people. And thank you for letting me feel that you do understand how I feel when I feel like I can deal with this. Sending you much love.

  233. I feel blessed to be a part of this group with Jenny at the helm. It’s great to have the support when we are having good or not so good days!

    Some of the stories I’ve been reading on-line give me hope we can make it through…A lady held up a sign in her window asking the name of the cat she saw across the street in the neighbor’s apartment. A note conversation ensued.

    There was a video of wild goats, that normally keep to themselves, enjoying an adventure through a neighborhood in Wales.

    A post from Italy reported that several hundred people who survived the coronavirus were being released from the hospital.

  234. It is funny how it is when you’re already pretty reclusive how difficult it becomes to just stay home. Most days I would love to just sit around the house — but it makes a difference when you HAVE to, and you can’t go anywhere or do anything.

    But we stay safe, we move on, and we persevere. Love to you and your family, Jenny! Thanks for your wonderful words, every day.

  235. Shit, you are just amazing. How is it that your thoughts can circle around all this fear and misery and come up with such beauty? I never once in the past month imagined a whole world working together to protect the vulnerable, but you saw it and pointed my vision there. Thank you.

  237. Thank you ! all so true. My new normal is working from home with increased worry, diminished concentration skills, vows to stop scrolling thru the news, and sometimes cathartic cry breaks. Then, back to it, cooking more, ordering out more to support small businesses and our neighborhood bookshop. Thanks for the recommendation of American Sherlock. I like it and it reminds me of the Poisoner’s handbook ( which my husband saw and got worried for a minute 🙂 Let’s all just keep on keeping on. Take care

  238. It’s not that I needed permission to be okay with this being hard, but thank you for letting me feel okay about feeling my human feelings. I’m a human. It came out weird like maybe I wasn’t. I think I’m not helping my case. Anyway….thank you.

  239. You hit the proverbial nail on the head. Thank you for stating what I feel. Sending positive vibes out there for anyone who needs them to catch them.

  241. Hey! Just want quiet crafters– if you make masks, reach out and post somewhere! I made them for two weeks and felt silly because they’re not N95. Reached out and posted on Nextdoor…and suddenly swamped with requests. You can help!

  242. Thanks for reminding me that during this real sucky moment in time it is not necessary to pretend all is well, just because I am in a job which places me on the phone with the members of my organization. Optimism is necessary, but a sincere acknowledgment that this is an unsettling time seems to be appreciated.
    I had a day where I just broke, I knew I wouldn’t be doing anyone a service by continuing that day. And I knew my leadership would be OK with it. My therapist called to confirm whether my appointment would be face to face or by phone.
    A satisfying end to my appointment, I have a few concrete actions to take to try to manage the impact of this much isolation.
    I am diving in and I hope things will smooth out. Thanks to this days post as well.

  243. Thank you, Jenny, for sharing your thoughts with us. Your paragraph about shut doors and quiet streets mean that people care especially touched my heart. May I copy it and paste into my Facebook feed, with attribution to you? I think that others need to see it.
    Sandra

  246. I’m taking a shower today. That is going to be my big accomplishment. I have 2 more weeks to go (if not more) and I know I should clean my room, find things to do, but the energy is low. I think tomorrow, after showering, I’ll sit outside in the sun for a bit. My only 2 goals.

    Thank you for letting me (us) know that we’re not alone.

  247. Thanks for this. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like binge watching TV with my cat all day is much of an accomplishment. The reality is that staying sane is all I can manage during this crisis (and the absurd personal crisis that preceded it for me). That has to be enough, because it really is all I can manage right now.

  249. SAW MY 31-YEAR-OLD “BABY” YESTERDAY … He and his partner (I’ll say “wife” at this point, they celebrated 14 years together on March 30 and they shared all the imaginary ways they celebrated .. “a picnic with Vietnamese food.”) stopped by. My husband had made some food, I baked some cookies. And we had a few paper products/cleaning supplies for them to take to their tiny 1-bedroom apt. We placed everything in a brown paper sack then put that in the driveway. They arrived and stood at the bottom of the driveway, us at the top. They retrieved the bag. I lasted all of two minutes. I started to sob and not wanting to appear too broken, I apologized and went inside. Oh, I was SO angry at myself. I wanted to be strong. But to see them after three weeks apart and not be able to give and get a hug and toussle their hair. I couldn’t. He called me a bit later to make sure I was fine. “Yes, I am. We are. We will be.” Much love to all,

  250. Thank you SO MUCH for this. It’s so important that we all recognize our collective struggles and keep reminding ourselves that we’re not alone in this. I especially appreciated you verbalizing how we “yell at people we love because we’re worried about them and can’t keep them safe and feel helpless.” The other day, I found out that one of my very best friends AND her son not only both have the virus but my friend was hospitalized for 8 days and almost didn’t make it. I had just gotten off the phone with her when my husband told me he was going to the grocery store for what I considered an “unscheduled” trip since I’ve self-imposed the rule of going only once a week, unless we run out of chocolate (I mean, THAT I cannot live without). Anyway, I didn’t mean to yell but I stated, definitively and sternly, that the rule was that we only go once a week to minimize contact with other people and he should just wait until next time I go. My reaction was fear-based, I know, and was triggered by everything I felt after my conversation with my friend. He took my “yelling” as my being angry at HIM, and it turned into a big fight that we’re both still recovering from… Maybe I should have expressed my concern in a more rational way but I didn’t. I instantly knee-jerked into a fear-based reaction and my thought process was, “okay be mad at me but if it keeps you safe, then that’s a small price to pay.” I’ve been through some horrific things in my life and there have been many times where I’ve felt helpless but those pale in comparison to how I feel now…

  251. I really enjoy your work. My favorite is the big chicken story. OMG I love that one. There are big metal chickens in abundance around where we live. I post videos of Little Life Stories (LLS). Here’s one that might brighten your day a bit. The link is in that box below. My niece somehow got me a YouTube channel. It’s a time when people can step up their game a little. We feel guilty just setting here although my wife is making masks for nurses and friends. It’s stressful. (Their design.) I’m very challenged, okay slightly challenged when it comes to this internet stuff. My apologies to you if this is inappropriate. Please delete the comment if it is. You have brought joy to a lot of people. Peace be with you and all those you care about.

  252. i cant express how much your posts mean to me and how much joy you bring to my life, one book, and one blog post at a time. simply put, Jenny Lawson, you’re darn amazing!

  255. In the quiet of the streets it is disorienting. Sometimes I feel like one of Dr. Suess’ Whos: “We are here. We are here. We are here.” And as long as we are here, (and have you, Jenny) there is hope. This will pass. It will. Everyone, please continue to not just shelter, but to nurture in place. And be well, and find peace. Thank you all. It’s a wonderful and wild community here; just the thing!

  257. Thank you! When I am feeling discouraged, or just a downright crab ass for no reason, or some menopausal reason only few can understand, I can come to your blog and smile. Thanks for the smile today! #livingthroughthemess #awkwardmaskwearing #lovethyneighbor

  258. And at 7:00 pm you can hear us in the noise, the banging, the cheering, the honking but you can hear us loudest in the silence. We will get through this

  259. Pingback: Wednesday Share Day - April 8, 2020 (Coronavirus Day #8) - Together We Can Heal

  261. It’s a very important message. My son was born 4/2 without me there because of strict protocols. My wife handled the C-Section like a champ but alone. My wife is home now and our son is without us in the NICU. I’ve not met him yet. Even with all this going on we are lucky. Everyone is okay. My son is getting stronger everyday and I’m living on the hope I will hold him soon. Too many folks are alone in isolation or sick and dying alone because of this stupid virus. Just focus on what counts and pray for those who need them most of all.

  262. Wow, reading this is good for me. I struggle daily with anxiety and depression – currently on some meds that help, but it never goes away. Some days I just have to avoid the news because I can’t take any more. I’m so fortunate. I’m older and my kids are grown. I have enough money to make it through and a paycheck that keeps coming because I’m working from home. I feel so bad for all the people who were living on the edge before this with no cushion. I have been there. One day a paycheck and the next, none, and no way to get one – struggling to get through to apply for unemployment, wondering how to get food and pay rent. I have so much empathy for those people.

    But, my mind spirals out sometimes. I have convinced myself that everyone will get this damn virus before we can get a vaccine. My partner and I are both high risk. I’m not afraid of dying, but it would be so hard to have him in the hospital & not be able to be with him. That is the worst thought for me – dying without anyone you love beside you. I have a near panic attack when we have to go to the grocery store. We follow the most rediculous protocols when we go and get home out of an abundance of caution. He is crawling the walls because he is a very social person, while I’m not. I have to constantly tell him not to do things he wants to do that involve interaction with people.

    I don’t have a lot of friends or need a lot of people, but damn I miss my family and dear friends. I’m also very physically affectionate – I’m a big hugger. The longing for a hug from my adult children or my grandchildren is almost a physical pain.

    But then I tell myself not to be so needy – so many people have such bigger problems than me. I can do this. I am tough. Just not in the middle of the night when my mind will NOT stop.

    Sending peace and strength to all of you beautiful people!

  263. Pingback: Texas blog roundup for the week of April 6 – Off the Kuff

  264. Hey Jenny, I wanted to personally thank you. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, OCD, anxiety, panic attacks, and much more at the age of 9 (I’m 29 now). With that said, My little sister always thought I was making up how different I was, making fun of me and everything. However, About five years ago she read one of your books, (before I did) and right after she finished it she called me and said “I am so so sorry, you never deserved this.” And she told me about you and your books. With your books, she finally started to understand and she told me to read them and know that I’m not alone.

    She helped me find you when I really started thinking that I was alone. So thank you, without you and everything you stand for my sister still would not understand me and I would still feel so alone. Thank you. So much.

    Kym Rechenmacher kymrech2663@gmail.com

  265. “But knowing that others are suffering more doesn’t really make it easier for anyone.” I really needed to read that today. Thank you.

  268. Thank you for your books. It is so nice to really know that there are people out there in the world whos havesomWish my job really understood this. It seams to me the ones who have the degrees in psychology are the ones who dont understand, or think everyone should be strong and just go with the flow. Yet it feels as if my flow is going backwards. Im loosing my mind more than normal. I dont want to die, i just want to ceases to exist. Does that even make sense? I love my family, and dont want to hurt them, so to not exist seams like the best thing, they would never have known me! Therefore i would not be hurting them. Ive got a “meeting” today to discuss my non-chilont behaviour, and my continued screw ups that i have done from home during this “pandemic “. Ive tried to explain that its not non-chilont, im just tring not to loose it and cry and get all “emotional” . Emotional is how i am labled at work. Really they have not seen the real emotional me, other wise i probably would have been fired a long time ago. Im just so frightened! Am i going to be fired,, demoted, I just dont know, but in my mind its just much worse, i almost feel paralyzed. How will i ever make it though this meeting!!! Im so sorry to mdump this here, but the only people i have to talk to will wotty about me, and i so dont want that to happen. They have enough to worrie about than to add me to that list. I justbfeel more “crazy than usual.

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