I made something for you because you are special and because the world is so weird right now.

So this is week 3 of isolation and every week I’m sharing a drawing for you to print out and color or burn or ignore or tape to the door of a stranger so that they don’t know if it’s a compliment or a very strange threat.  Anyway, it’s yours.

drawing of a path leading to a home with "every day, she said, I make my twisted way home" written underneath

Click to embiggen

And now I’m asking you for something.  Today is my sister’s birthday and while she’s still feeling much better than the super-scary-can’t-breathe-sweating-to-death days she’s still sick and that means that she is STILL locked in her room away from her family and today is her birthday.  So if you have a funny joke or a nice story or something lovely happened or you found a great thing to binge watch then share it in the comments for her?

Happy birthday, Lisa.  You are the best and for your birthday I think you should lure a bunch of moths in your room and make them your new birthday squad.  I did that yesterday but then the cats murdered them.  They were really happy though.  The cats, I mean.  I’m going to stop talking now.  Happy birthday.  We love you.

And now…time for the weekly wrap-up:

********

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by StoryWorth, who I love desperately.  From them:” These days it’s more important than ever to stay in touch with your loved ones. If your phone calls with family are starting to sound repetitive, StoryWorth is a great way to prompt meaningful conversations. Once a week for a year, they’ll receive an email with a question about their life. All they have to do is reply with a story, which is forwarded to you and any other family members you invite. After a year, their stories are bound in a beautiful keepsake book your family will cherish!”  For real, I’ve done it for both my parents and it is fantastic.  Plus it’s a really good distraction.  Click here and you’ll get $10 off.  

593 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Happy birthday Lisa

    Gary recently posted Prepper meal All tinned Nothing fresh.

  2. happy birthday, lisa. on friday, i mentioned to my boss that i like her jammies on our group zoom meeting. she replied that it was her new shirt, not jammies. so much for a raise.

  3. 3
    Sarah from AK

    Happy birthday, Lisa! I don’t have any really great stories, I don’t think, but my Mom has a new fly friend she named Buzzy so the moth idea is valid. Get well soon!!

  4. Happy birthday,Lisa!

  5. Happy Birthday Lisa!!

  6. 6
    sortabiography

    Happy birthday! Get all the cake you need with the newest season of Nailed It!

  7. Happy Birthday, Lisa!🎂🎉🎊🎁🎈when we all get through this you need to plan the most, magical, makeup day and enjoy all the things you love most! Feel better soon.

  8. Happy Birthday, Lisa! I have been keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

    Someone sent me a one-liner that said: “Eight days into our family lockdown and I’m beginning to question if the Donner Party was even hungry.”

  9. Happy spawning day Lisa!

  10. Happy Birthday, Lisa! I hope you get well soon!

  11. 11
    Jane Nicholson

    Death in Paradise is a fun show if you’re into cosy mysteries

  12. Happy birthday! Today, I took my cat Biscuits for a walk on his leash around the backyard.

  13. Happy Birthday Lisa!

    Why would Mr Potato Head let his daughter marry Walter Cronkite?

    Because he was a common tater. (rim shot)

    Be well!

  14. Happy birthday, Lisa! Nothing super exciting happening here (which is also good!) except our local pizza place has beers to go in sippy cups so that’s always fun – to go cups are weird now. But the rain has passed for awhile here and we’re enjoying the sun. I’m so glad you’re on the mend and will be out soon.

  15. Happy Birthday, Lisa. For your happiness got to instagram https://instagram.com/round.boys?igshid=1tm3f39ivvhu8 It is the absolute best.

  16. Happy birthday Lisa!!💜❤️💛💚

  17. Happy Birthday, Lisa!

    Here is a joke from my 7yr old.

    What kind of bear has no teeth?

    A gummy bear!

    😉

  18. 18
    Michele Reise

    Happy Birthday Lisa! I made up our spare room as my relaxation/meditation room and our cat lectures me for being in HER room now.

  19. Happy birthday, Lisa! To amuse yourself in your continued isolation, I suggest you follow the example of my cat, Maggie, who has become an absolute pest for treats lately, and call through the door to your family, “Treats? Treats? Is it time for more treats? How about now? Now? Treats!” I’m sure they would love that.

  20. Happy Birthday Lisa! Glad you’re feeling better.

  21. Happy Birthday Lisa!

  22. Happy Birthday, Lisa!

  23. 🎉 Happy Birthday Lisa! 🎉

  24. 24
    Grace Miller

    Happy birthday! I highly recommend binge watching The Circle ⭕️ Brazil on Netflix! The contestants on that show were having so much fun virtually connecting with strangers while self-isolating. I hope it helps you feel better 💕

  25. 25
    Jen Henley

    Happy Birthday, Lisa!

    I recommend that you binge watch Unorthodox. It was really very good. Hope you’re feeling better very soon!

  26. Happy Birthday, Lisa! I hope you can leave isolation soon. In the meantime, I highly recommend Schitt’s Creek on Netflix for a laugh.

  27. Happy birthday to you! I hope you feel better soon. Here is my family’s favorite Dad joke- Whats brown and sticky?

    A stick!

  28. Happy, Happy Birthday!!!

  29. 29
    Katy in Houston

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! Not me, but a friend, said “hi” to her Roomba this morning.

  30. As viewed through my window: No joke, a neighbor just cycled past on a unicycle. He’s at least 70.

  31. 31
    stina kolling

    Dropped car off for yearly inspection a while back. Walked into Firestone the next day to pick it up.
    Me: “I’m here to pick up my car. … Wow that’s a stupid thing to say. What else would i be here to pick up? Wouldn’t be here to pick up my dog…. not that I have a dog. But if i did have a dog, i wouldn’t be picking him up here.”
    Mechanic’s face has gone from “amused” to “i just work here, lady.”

    Woman comes in behind me, says to receptionist, “i’m here to pick up my car.” I was like, SEE????

    worst part is, my brain didn’t start off with ‘dog’. my brain started off with ‘clown’ and decided ‘dog’ was a gentler choice.
    i shouldn’t be allowed out in public.

  32. Happy birthday Lisa! I saw a man in the grocery store yesterday wearing a Bobba Fett mask. Thought it was pretty entertaining!

  33. Happy Birthday, Lisa! I don’t have anything funny to add right now because my brain is mush and apparently the coffee didn’t help as much as I was hoping it would. But I wish you all the best!

  34. HAPPY
    BIRTHDAY
    LISA
    AND
    I
    REALLY
    MEAN
    IT

  35. Did you know that to kill a French vampire you need to use a baguette?

    It sounds difficult, but it’s just a little… pain-staking.

    eyebrow wriggle

  36. Happy Birthday, Lisa! Sorry this one kind of sucks, but the world is a better place with you in it & we’re so glad you’re feeling better! Hang in there, lady. The belated celebration when it happens will be worth the wait, I’m sure!

  37. Happy birthday Lisa! I’m glad you’re on the mend- this was no match for a woman who survived Wisconsin jumbo quail as a child! This is my go-to story to entertain my friends when they’re down. Sorry to link, but it’s too long to type here. Feel better- sending good vibes your way!
    https://knockingonfortysdoor.wordpress.com/2018/12/07/even-more-perspective-i/

    knockingonfortysdoor recently posted Remember- Teachers are dealing with the alligator closest to the boat right now..

  38. Happy birthday Lisa! I saw a man in the grocery store yesterday wearing a Bobba Fett mask. Thought it was pretty entertaining!

  39. Happy Birthday Lisa! I discovered today that I could make my own fancy coffee drinks at home with 1/2 coffee and 1/2 hot cocoa (mint or caramel flavored Cocoa’s are amazing like this), top with whipped cream a d sprinkles (hey, it’s your birthday! ) And voila! It made me feel happier today, hope it helps you too!

  40. Happiest of Birthdays! I have been trying to keep my friends on Facebook in good spirits so I have been posting half naked pictures of dudes. And on their Birthday I post a picture of whatever their sexual preferences picture just for them. I hope you continue to feel better!!

  41. Happy birthday Lisa! You have an amazing sister and she wanted us to share a story with you, so here’s what made me feel good today. I made an amazing crab quiche last night, but it’s just my husband and me and I had been seeing single friends post about delivery food being too much for them (not $ but to eat) so I boxed up the leftovers and delivered them to two dear friends. We socially distanced and I wore my mask. Oh, and I’m seeing a thread about moths here, so my other story is that this morning a GINORMOUS moth popped out of the windowframe of my bathroom while I was showering this morning and my first instinct was to kill it, so I threw some water at it and toweled off. A half-hour later, I went back into the bathroom and it was sitting all dry on top of my piled up towel, so no creatures were harmed in the making of this post. Happy birthday!

  42. 42
    Kasmira Lawson

    Happy birthday, Lisa!
    Wouldn’t it be cool, if (as soon as you’re feeling better, of course!) we could all go back to work and shopping and stuff, but we each had to roam around in one of those inflatable balls that look like human-sized hamster excercisers? It’d be more fun than being cooped up, great cardio, and hilarious to watch! Have a great birthday, and get well soon!

  43. Happy birthday Lisa! I was going to tell you a joke about paper, but it was tearable.

  44. Happy Birthday. Please enjoy this story which I hope is funny.
    I was cleaning out the kitchen junk drawer bc, you know, hella bored, and found a black velvet headband with lil bat wings on it that I don’t even remember owning.
    So I put it on. As you do.
    Then I was eating lunch and my half grown kitten showed up to mooch leftovers.
    And he saw the headband. Suddenly he was squinting at me with one eye more shut than the other. And he was a bobblehead.
    He just sat there squinting at me and bobbing, for a solid minute before suddenly deciding it was a Bad Thing. And zoom he was gone
    It was kind of hilarious and I am definitely wearing the headband again. 🙂

  45. Happy birthday, Lisa! My granddaughter just celebrated her 10th birthday on Saturday. It would have been the first time I could actually be with her on her birthday, but we had to settle on Facetime and she opened her presents from me while I watched. She’s taking voice/piano lessons so I gave her a book of easy Disney piano tunes. She has the sweetest voice and she sang for me. Made me cry good tears. My daughter is very grateful that I didn’t give her a Shirley Temple songbook because after I introduced her to Shirley Temple movies the last time I saw her, she sang those songs for MONTHS. Hey, at least it wasn’t a set of drums, right? Hope you get sprung soon!

  46. 46
    Heather B.

    Happy birthday, Lisa! Hope you’re totally well again very soon! Take care.

  47. 47
    LittleMissBoof

    Happy Birthday Lisa! If you are looking for something to binge watch, I recommend Atypical on Netflix. It’s about a family with a teen on the autism spectrum, trying to gain his independence. Really enjoyed it (and glad you are starting to feel better)

  48. Happy Birthday, Lisa! I’ve been watching Zoey’s extraordinary playlist on NBC, it’s so fun! there are currently 8 episodes on their website.

  49. Happy birthday Lisa. Yesterday my cat woke me up by putting her paw in my mouth while she stretched.

  50. 50
    Denise Mastenbrook

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! So quarantine excitement for this week…On Monday a friend of mine told us all (via social media because we can’t visit in person of course, we’re responsible adults afterall…) about a pigeon on the power line behind her house. He was doing his best pigeon dances and she didn’t see any other pigeon outside watching so she clapped for him. On Wednesday he had another pigeon dancing next to him. He was clearly the better dancer though so she felt confident if any girl pigeons were watching they would OBVIOUSLY choose her pigeon. On Friday there was a new pigeon with him watching his dance and doing some coordinating moves, she realized that it was the long hoped for female and they were doing a mating dance! We were all very excited and happy for him.

    And then I realized I spent my week in isolation watching pigeon porn with friends and now I don’t even know who I am any more…

    So anyway…Happy Birthday!

  51. Happy Birthday Lisa!!!

    Sammi Sidetracked recently posted Bye Bye Bird.

  52. Happy birthday Lisa! Here is a joke:
    What’s brown and sticky? A stick!

    Also: Why is Tigger always dirty? He likes to play with Pooh!

  53. I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.

  54. 54
    Donna L Grier

    Happy Hatchiversary Lisa! Get better soon!

  55. From one Aries to another, happiest of birthdays is wished for you, despite the current realities. Heal fast and then have some fun.

  56. Happy Birthday Lisa. Sorry you’re still not feeling 100% but glad you’re past the worst of it. Here’s my cat to hopefully make you laugh. https://www.facebook.com/RolyPosey/videos/2512518992204115/

  57. Happy birthday Lisa! It’s my mom’s birthday today too and she’d be the first to point out that anyone with a birthday today is the best!

  58. Happy Birthday Lisa,
    Feel better!! Binge watch Offspring…you will fall in love

  59. Happy birthday! If I need a good laugh, I google The Graham Norton Show. All of them are funny. This one is a favourite: https://youtu.be/F186jg6MsGQ

  60. Happy Birthday, Lisa! I recently binged Downton Abbey at Amazon’s suggestion, and I LOVED it. I hope you can find something to watch that you can love.

  61. Moths? I watched a video yesterday from a guy who got stuck with 900 Atlas moth cocoons that he usually ships to zoos but all the zoos are closed now so he can’t ship them and they’re hatching so soon he’ll have a house full of hundreds of giant moths. I never thought I’d spend my Saturday night watching a 22 minute video about the life cycle of Atlas moths but we live in strange times.
    The guy at the local Burger King drive-thru gave the cashier $100 to start a pay it forward line.
    My plague project is leaving nice comments on all my favorite artists’ and writers’ works because I love them but telling them so makes me nervous.
    I spent the morning explaining the Florida Man meme to my 70-year-old mother. Strange times indeed.

  62. Happy Birthday Lisa! (ok now I’m singing that song from the Simpsons which I’m sure is something you have heard a million times but you have never heard it from an insomniac at 6am from the land down under so you are welcome) I have been bingeing Schitts Creek it so bloody lovely, if u haven’t seen it give it a whirl 😊 Sending big warm fuzzies your way 💖💖 🎉🎉

  63. Happy Birthday Lisa!! Glad you are feeling better.

  64. Baby girl Lisa! Happy Birthday even though this one isn’t what you had planned💙 Lots of love coming to you from all over today.

  65. 65
    Lynda Whitlow

    Happy Birthday Lisa, glad you are on the right side of this terrible illness. Go look at Sam Neill’s Instagram, he’s such a funny bloke! Hope this helps. Lots of Love from New Zealand. https://www.instagram.com/samneilltheprop/

  66. Happy birthday, Lisa!!! Check out the new miniseries, Little Fires Everywhere, on Hulu. It’s really good and happens to star Reese Witherspoon 🙂

  67. Happy birthday, Lisa! I am so glad you’re doing better. I’m binge-watching a show called Evil which is a little X-Filesey. Creepy, with explanation. Hang in there! When I’m really bored, sometimes I crochet a long chain just so I can unravel it. I hope you can find something better to do!

  68. Today I felt like going to the zoo, so I turned on nature documentaries and walked on my treadmill for well over an hour. I’m exhausted and have new knowledge of animals, so it definitely feels like I went to the zoo lol.

  69. My neighbors brought me eggs last night!

  70. Happy birthday, Lisa🥳 Hope you’re totally well soon {hugs}

  71. I started oszark w/ gf lst night. Wa good and new banksy doc on the Apple icon app. Hope you feel better yo! 🙂 Dave jude. Only jokes happened that weren’t jokes but funny were the dog and cat playing. Then the cat was “I’m tired go away!!” And the dog was “dog!!” And “you’re gonna get a claw to the nose of you don’t stop!!” Stuff like that. And the dog ate a dog in my new sock which the washing machine will still steal because you can’t trust those dumb things. I blame the May tag man. He’s up to something. He wears the same outfit! You can be a serial killer and wear the same outfit. But not saying the Maytag man is one.. also the iPhone needs the flash flight button on the side because you can’t find it on phone and when you lose your sock in the dark you are fucked. Dave

  72. Happy Birthday Lisa, so glad you’re on the mend but take the time to rest and heal properly.

    Here’s a little story I was told on Friday.
    A colleague came down with Covid19 – fairly “mild” but bad enough she was in bed for almost a week. Her husband moved to the spare room to keep as safe as possible whilst still taking care of her. During the day, he would put a chair in the lounge, which if was set up at a certain spot, could see straight down a short passageway into the bedroom where she was. He’d sit there for hours, being close but being separate. They have a dog who couldn’t understand what was going on and why his mama and papa were separated, so everyday pooch would like exactly equidistant between them both! ❤ and stay there until it was bedtime. Every day. He refused to choose between them.
    At night, pooch slept on the main bed (with his sick mama), she is usually also the one to feed him breakfast in the mornings. However, every morning, he’d go into the spare room and wake his papa up to feed him, and let mama sleep.

    The pure joy and love of an animal. Of all animals.

    Keep getting better and sending you love from London, UK
    xoxo

  73. Happy Birthday Lisa! Hope you recover fully soon!! Drink lots of juice and pretend it has champagne in it. Eat lots of chicken noodle soup and pretend it is a luxurious meal. At least you’ll never forget this one (insert crazy face emoji here). I just re-watched all of GLOW on Netflix and enjoyed it more the second time. Highly recommend. All the best to you and yours and cheers to you on your day! XO

  74. Happy birthday Lisa! So, this just happened today. My wife texted her sister out-of-state, and ended the exchange with “glad you oldsters are doing well”, but it auto corrected oldsters to “molesters”. Not one to miss an opportunity, her sister replied, “thanks for checking in on us molesters, this social distancing is really putting a cramp in our activities.” Sometimes I worry about them. Anyway, try to enjoy your birthday, and get fully well soon.

    Joe

  75. Happy birthday, Lisa!! Glad you are feeling better!

  76. Happy Happy Birthday, Lisa! We weirdos love Jenny, so by extension we love you. That’s like a mathematic property or law or something, right? Transference? Associative property? Something like that. Anyway. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND FEEL BETTER SOON!!! 💜💜

    hugs,

    Another Jenni

  77. I stopped to watch a bumblebee hovering nearby. He turned to look at me, pooped, then flew away. Anyhoo, Happy Birthday!

  78. Happy Birthday, Lisa. I had my first virtual cocktail party with friends yesterday. I highly recommend it when you feel better which I hope is soon.

  79. 79
    Elaine Nasco

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! When I say that in my head, I hear “Michael Jackson” singing it on The Simpsons to their Lisa. “Happy Birthday, Lisa. Lisa, it’s your birthday.” Now, a joke. What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

    One will see you later, the other in a while.

  80. Happy birthday, Lisa!! I hope you’re feeling well enough to make this an all about you day — watch what you want, read what you want, knit (or whatever you choose) what you want. For your birthday, I wish for you that the remnants of the virus fade into a memory. And I second the previous, find something funny and happy to keep you busy… Happy birthday!!!

  81. 81
    Chris Bliss

    Something I saw on Facebook today that made me laugh…
    What Is Butt Dust?

    What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’? What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious? Read on and you’ll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

    MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’

    STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

    BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’

    SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

    DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I cost?’

    CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

    MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

    TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

    JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked: ‘What happened to the flea?’

    The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget….

    This particular Sunday sermon… ‘Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. ‘Without you, we are but dust….’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

    Happy Birthday your your sis! 🎂🎁🎉🍷🎈

  82. Happy birthday Lisa

  83. Happy birthday Lisa!

    “At my age I’m no longer a snack; I’m a Happy Meal. I come with toys and kids.”

  84. Happy Birthday Lisa! Today, my mini goats and mini donkeys have decided that they are terrified by the newest member of the barnyard. We’ve avoided roosters for a few years, but a neighbor had an extra, and there’s a waiting list for chicks at the feed store. After nearly taking out the eyes of two out of three goats, we had to trim his spurs and clip his wings. I think he needs a villain name like Thanatos or Darth Cock-a-doodlester

  85. Oh well you may have missed the delightful, original, nutty series Wonderfalls. It makes everyone feel better…. Be well AND happy birthday. .!

  86. One October Saturday my family and I were driving back roads to our rural home. It struck me that we were now in October so I told my children who were about 7 and 4 that since it was October, we could put our Halloween decorations out. My son looked out the window and said “Why do those people already have their decorations out?” I looked out the window and responded, “Because that’s a cemetary.”

  87. Happy birthday, Lisa! Thank you for sharing your sister with us. I’m sure that that is not always easy! In case you haven’t read ALL of reddit yet: https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/fvgl40/every_year_my_next_door_neighbors_house_looks/

  88. Happy birthday, Lisa! Nathan W Pyle, who has a FB page in addition to his books, makes me laugh just about every day. Maybe he’ll make you laugh, too.

  89. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-YbdkX1HjU I just watched this wonderful video, and i think you should too! happy birthday

  90. Happy Birthday Lisa! Hope you have a wonderful day!

  91. 91
    Lynda Whitlow

    Also, do you like birds? Here’s a couple of (I find) funny pages to a family with Indian Ring Neck birds https://www.facebook.com/Thiccles/ and Rainbow Lorikeet with weird googly eyes https://www.facebook.com/RusselltheRainbow/

  92. Happy Birthday Lisa! Feel better and please enjoy my favourite jokes.

    What is a pilot’s favourite flavour of ice cream?
    Plane

    What do hamsters eat?
    Food

    Why did Adele cross the road?
    To say hello to the other side

  93. 93
    Chasity Walker

    Happy Birthday to your sister! I hope she continues to get well.

    I’ve heard The Witcher is really good! It is on Netflix. I also recommend The Circle! It is hilarious!!

    Wishing you and your family love and best wishes.

  94. Happy birthday Lisa!! I hope you get better soon!

  95. Happy birthday, Lisa!

    As a gift to you, here’s a post from a lovely Texas family: https://www.instagram.com/tv/B92dBHJgI0j/?igshid=16cn057l6zget

  96. Happy birthday Lisa! I hope you will get to be out of isolation soon

    Story time: I live with my parents (read: I’m poor and I’m grateful for them). They have one ironclad rule: no indoor pets. I want a dog really bad. I joked to my mom that Hell have essentially froze over since this is a really unprecedented time, there forth I should get a dog. The joke didn’t work – no dog here.

  97. Happy Birthday!! No fun stories but hoping you feel better every day!

  98. Happy Birthday, Lisa! I don’t have any fun stories, but I did win at Uno today, so that’s good news! Hope you’re feeling better!

  99. Happy birthday Lisa! My current favorite joke:

    My ceiling isn’t the best. But it’s up there.

  100. Ze Frank videos on YouTube for the win!

    https://youtu.be/F7V8DRfZBQI

  101. Happy birthday, Lisa. My ukelele came in today. I promise to send you a birthday song once I figure out how to play it.

  102. 102
    John Fladd

    According to Gene Kelly, the best dance sequence ever filmed (with an intro number by Cab Calloway!):

  103. Happy Birthday and I hope you are 100% soon. Yesterday, my five year old decided she wanted to catch a squirrel 🐿 and was chasing some down while we went for a walk.

  104. Happy Birthday, Lisa!!! I hope you feel better soon!

  105. 105
    starsqueak

    Happy birthday! Hope you feel better soon! My cat also sends birthday wishes!

  106. 106
    Cheryl Smith

    Happy birthday, Lisa. Hope you’re feeling better soon. My story (because I’m no good with jokes). My husband and I drove to a place about 45 minutes from home to hike a trail that would likely not have people at it. When we got there, we were the only people. We walked around the trail to the pond. Because it was pretty far off the road, all we could hear was bird song – no cars, no people, no planes, just birds calling. On the hike back, almost to our car, I saw an animal in the road (closed to vehicles). We walked a bit further and could see it was a dog, another dog, and a person. We stayed on our side of the road and she and one of the dogs stayed on her side. But the one dog was so excited at the prospect of seeing people, she completely ignored her person (and her fellow dog who sat down in the road and barked at her friend) and came running up to us. She was so excited she couldn’t stand still. Her whole body was wagging (who knew they could do that?). Just before she went back to her person, she jumped up and gave me a puppy kiss. Dogs are really nice people.

  107. Happy birthday Lisa,

    Get binge watching ‘The Great Pottery Throwdown’ which is a bunch of slightly-mad Brits making odds and aids from clay and being judged by the nicest people imaginable. There’s no peril, no plot twists just unadulterated loveliness.

    Not sure which of the US. channels or streaming services have picked it up (I’m sure someone here will know) but there are plenty of episodes on YouTube to get you started.

  108. Happy birthday, Lisa! I’ve been working like a zombie since I started working from home. And my weekends were spent sleeping. Because I was feeling sorry for myself and I was anxious for the future (Ramadan is getting close and my dad will be more… Dad then he already has been.) But today, I closed both of my laptops (personal and business) and I rearranged my whole library. Because you know what? Including you Lisa, people have been struggling and I was not appreciative of what I already have. Also, starting from tomorrow, I’ll try to be more productive and inclined to learning new things. I am so glad that you’re getting better. Your sister was so worried about you. Hopefully, you’ll be better and better every day and once all this is over, you and Jenny will see each other and hug each other. Because we all need a giant hug. We’ll have to compensate for our missed hugs. Giant virtual hugs to you. And you know what? I’m a great hugger and virtual or not, my hug is humongous and you’ll feel calm thanks to it! Lots of love and good wishes! Happy birthday again!

  109. 111
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday! Listening to Furiously Happy over and over is helping me stay in the moment instead of stressing over the future, so I recommend funny books read by awesome narrators to help you get through the days. Also, all the Harry Potter books are fantastic for lulling you to sleep as long as you already know them so they can’t keep you awake.

  110. Happy Birthday Lisa. I live in Toronto Canada. Last year at this time, we still had two feet of snow on the ground. This year, there are already buds on the lilac trees. Spring has not been cancelled.

  111. Happy Birthday Lisa!

  112. Sending some birthday love all the way from Michigan! Hang in there 💙💙💙

  113. Happy birthday Lisa! Always look back on this year as the weirdest and think about how great all the rest will be! It’s all about perspective! Stay happy and healthy each and every day! 😀😃😄😁😆

  114. Happy birthday, Lisa! This morning my three year old asked me “Was it just you and Daddy when there were dinosaurs?” Thanks, kid.

  115. 117
    Bernice Jones

    Happy Happy I’m stuck in my room Birthday
    Hopefully you will feel much better by May

    It’s great that you can breath and not sweat
    Maybe you can make a flock of moths your pet

    We all love your sister and by proxy you too
    So we all sing Happy Birthday to YOU!!!!

  116. 118
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday to my favorite author’s favorite sister!!!!!

  117. Happy Birthday Lisa! Here’s my best Twitter joke:

    spider-man: weird your rug looks just like a giant piece of paper

    me: [sneaking up behind him with enormous cup] that 𝑖𝑠 weird

  118. 120
    Becky Caldwell

    I volunteered as a shavee for St Baldricks and since our big event got postponed due to the virus, I went ahead and did the big shave myself this weekend to support the charity! It made me feel good to give back in some way. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LISA!
    https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/1041043/2020

  119. 121
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa!

    The results of sheltering in place:
    “Where’s your husband?” “Out in the garden.” “I don’t see him.” ” Dig a little deeper.”

  120. Happy birthday 🎂🎉🎈
    Why do dragons sleep during the day?

    So they can fight knights!

  121. Happy Birthday Lisa!! I’m Sorry on Netflix is my feel good binge at all times. Highly suggested!

  122. 124
    Anonymous

    Lisa,
    Happiest of Birthdays to you. We in Boise Idaho hope that your recovery is proceeding with lightning speed.
    I am part of a group making masks for a local hospital, so far over 1,000 have been made. There are positives everywhere, even during an effing pandemic! We had a rare earthquake/pandemic combo and I’m now wondering if we need to post a lookout for locusts and meteors!
    My favorite joke is awful (you have been warned!)
    What’s black and white and red all over and can’t come through the doorway?
    A nun with a spear through her head.

  123. Happy Birthday Lisa! So sorry for what you are going through! Nobody should be alone while they are sick. My son, who worked for over a year to lose over 110 lbs, to join the Air Force, went in days before the world fell apart. He’s 19 years old and except for a some 4-H, school and camping trips with friends, this is the longest he has been away from home. He is my middle child, with an older and younger sister. He has always been a terrible homebody. Now he has been allowed to call home 4 times, he got put into quarantine for 2 days until his test came out negative for COVID-19, we won’t be allowed to attend his graduation, they are social distancing at Basic – which is making things even harder….and he will probably graduate from basic on his birthday. Anyway…long back story to tell you this…he wrote us a letter asking us to mail him a protractor. My husband and I were very confused on why he would need one at basic training and they would not provide it. My husband even asked co-workers that had been in the Air Force, why he would need it and they couldn’t think why. We got a call yesterday and got five minutes to talk with him. My husband finally got to ask, “Why did you need the protractor?” He said, “For doing the hospital corners on the bed. I wanted to make sure I got the 45 degree angles. My instructors said that they have never had anyone think of that.” We’ve always had smart (and smart ass) kids, this story just really takes the cake.

    Feel better!

  124. Happy Birthday Lisa!! Sending a little sunshine your way! 🎈🎂 🎉 ❤️

  125. Happy Birthday Lisa! If you haven’t had a chance to watch Schitt’s Creek yet, check it out! It is one of the best TV series EVER!

  126. A very happy birthday to you, Lisa! I am also Lisa, and my own sister’s birthday was yesterday. It is a beautiful day here in North Carolina, and I have been enjoying a hammock, killing fire ants, and my dogs, (not in that order). Having real spring weather, 70°, sunny and breezy, is an incredible blessing. I am hoping that something great will come out of all of this summer sickness, political nastiness, and suffering, and I hope that you emerge from your illness unscathed. I will perform some sort of pagan joyous dance for you today and send you some good juju. Hope your year is full of love and laughter.

  127. Happy birthday Lisa, I hope you get a jailbreak soon! As for a funny story, well, Jenny started it with the moths so I’ll keep the bug theme going. We had a bit of a fruit fly problem. One day I was heating up some leftovers and one of the flies went into the microwave. I shrugged and shut the door and turned it on. 90 seconds later that fruit fly was still alive! Came right out and took off. I’m anticipating superpowers any day now, if only I could get the little bugger to bite me.

  128. 130
    DallasLass

    It’s easier to remember your age if you don’t change it every year.

  129. Happy day to you Lisa. Take this birthday thing in stride and do what my husband is doing as his birthday was a few days ago. He said “since everything is cancelled, I’m going to stay 59 until next year when I can spend it with the ones I love”. So there you go, you stay this age until next year! Glad to hear you are better, keep doing what your doing!

  130. Happy Happy Birthday, Lisa!

  131. 133
    Sarah Mayfield

    Happy birthday, Lisa! I hope you can soon get rid of Covid like your mom did to the snake in the filing cabinet.

    Funny story: I walked into the bathroom and there was a poop in the toilet, unflushed, and with no toilet paper. I yelled to my kids, “WHO CRAPPED AND DIDN’T WIPE OR FLUSH?!” And my 11 year old yelled back, “I’m livin on the edge, mom!”

    We love you, Lisa!

  132. Happy Birthday!

  133. 135
    Anonymous

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA!!!!!

  134. Happy birthday, Lisa! 🎉🎂🎉 I watched Gentefied on Netflix and really enjoyed it. Hugs and healing wishes to you!

  135. Happy Birthday, Lisa. There’s a lot of love out here for you! 💖🎂💖

  136. Two fish are swimming along when suddenly they hit a wall. One fish looked at the other fish and said, “Dam!”.

    It’s a dumb old joke that always makes me laugh!

    Happy birthday!

  137. 139
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday! Here are some penguins being weighed: https://twitter.com/GDRPempress/status/1246428821622046720?s=08

  138. Hey Lisa! What’s brown and sticky?

    …a stick! Don’t snort. I hope you are feeling better and I’m sending you a giant virtual hug! Celebrate like crazy as soon as you’re 100%.

  139. 141
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa!!! Today, in one of my book groups, I came across a recipe for Butterbeer Fudge (link below)… It includes rum extract, but after researching, I think I’m going to try it with regular rum to make adult-only butterbeer fudge. It will be my snack during this weeks “Family Zoom Happy Hour” on Friday night (which my family has now decided to do weekly to check in with each other). There has also been talk of this weeks meeting requiring formal wear, so my quarantine Friday night may involve eating alcoholic butterbeer fudge and drinking vanilla vodka chai latte… while wearing my wedding dress.

    https://chipandco.com/make-universals-butterbeer-fudge-at-home-385716/?fbclid=IwAR1ruWSb2T8OaP8KLVnwVmVo5TuOXGUZCK-GHnB2rtggnqngb0GB0okgPZw

  140. Happy Birthday, Lisa! My cat hates us all now for being permanently in his space yet still not helping him get the lizards that taunt him through the glass. There’s always a reason to laugh. It will get better! Sending love and hugs from Louisiana!

  141. 143
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa.
    A happy birthday thought I saw on facebook. An 8 year old, who was having a bithday parent’s called all their friends and family. They decorated there cars and drive by the house all at the same time hooking and yelling happy birthday. It was a birthday drive-by! So awesome.

  142. 144
    Spodesmom

    This is a meme I saw – it’s a picture of Dolly Parton with a microphone addressing her audience (presumably at a concert). She says: “Honey, before this quarantine is over, some of y’all will be begging Jolene to take your man.”

    Happy birthday, Lisa. Be well (you too, Jenny!)

  143. Happy Birthday Lisa! I highly recommend bringing The Good Place

  144. Happiest of days, Lisa! 🎉🎉 Glad you are on the mend!

  145. 147
    Jennifer Tanner

    Happy Birthday! Hang in there! I am enjoying the show “Episodes” on Netflix…..
    And now for a little bit of beauty!
    https://www.audubon.org/news/the-2017-audubon-photography-awards-top-100#42

  146. 148
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! Here are some jokes I find funny, and I hope you do too:

    Q: What’s brown and sticky?
    A: A stick.

    Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says “Gee, it’s hot in here.” and the other sausage says “OH MY GOODNESS IT’S A TALKING SAUSAGE!”

    Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay then they would be bagels.

    I hope you like the ridiculous as much as I do!

  147. Sherlock Holmes starring Bembledint Commberdash. Addictive, intellectual, and funny as h*ck.

  148. 150
    Lisa StJohn

    Happy birthday to Lisa from Lisa. And Bradley. He’s my pig.

  149. 151
    Anonymous

    Best wishes for wellness, Lisa!

  150. 152
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday, Lisa!

    A termite walks into a bar and says, “Hey, is the bar tender here?”

    Hope you feel better soon!

  151. 153
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! I am so glad you are doing better. I know you all agree that after all the stupid stuff we have done in our lives, if we die because we touched our faces, we are going to be pissed. Seriously, I went to Mexico with 3 guys I met on the beach in South Padre. If that didn’t kill me, I know I can survive this.

    xoxo M

  152. 154
    Jenny no dots

    Happy birthday Lisa!
    Dinner time discussion at my house this week was hand washing frequency. My husband admitted he probably didn’t wash after every time he peed. I was outraged and said, “but you touch your penis!!!”. He said, “I know where my penis has been-nowhere!” We laughed for a good five minutes.

  153. Lisa I’m going to place a candle on the brownies I’m making and will blow it out for you after I sing the birthday song I’ve written about tortillas – well actually, it’s more of a rap. I shall wish for a speedy and full recovery for you!

  154. Happy Birthday Lisa!

    What do you call a cow with no legs?

    Ground Beef.

    What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

    Lean beef.

  155. Happy happy happy happy birthday, Lisa!!

  156. Happy birthday Lisa! I suggest Drybar Comedy episodes for your entertainment while in isolation. I get a lot of laughs from the different comedians!

  157. 159
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! Hope you’re feeling better soon!

    https://youtu.be/8PVal8Fy7CM

    This is one of my favourites on YT always makes me laugh! 😂

  158. Happy birthday Lisa! Keep getting better!

  159. Happy birthday Lisa!! I’m from Kentucky, and as our governor says, “we will get through this, we will get through this together.” Best birthday wishes and get well soon!!

  160. 162
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! I wondered why my Frisbee was getting bigger. Than it hit me.

  161. I just saw this updated version of an old joke and I kind of like it.

    A plane has five passengers on board: Donald Trump, the Pope, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Hillary Clinton, and a ten year old school girl. The plane is about to crash and there are only four parachutes.

    Dr Fauci says: “I need one. I have to help develop a cure for the global health crisis that is COVID19!” He straps on a parachute and jumps.

    The Pope says: “I need one, I have to help spiritually guide people through the global health crisis that is COVID19!” He takes one and jumps.

    Trump says: ‘‘I need one, I’m the smartest man in the United States.” He takes one and jumps.

    Hillary pauses for a moment and then turns to the 10-year-old. After a deep sigh, she says tenderly: “You can have the last parachute. I’ve lived my life, yours is only starting.” The child replies: “Don’t worry. There are two parachutes left. The smartest man in the United States took my school backpack.”

  162. Happy birthday, Lisa. This is a story about how my neighbor’s dog that split in half and also a geography lesson. I was peering through the neighbor’s fence at their German Shepherd. It’s beautiful and brown, and its name is Hercules. I talked to hom, and then his front half separated from his back half. 😱👀 Which is how I learned that my neighbor got a new ruminant.
    Later I saw the neighbor outside, and I complimented him. “Wow! What a cool goat.” And then he said, “It’s a hair sheep.” (It definitely didn’t look like a sheep, since what it really looked like wa the back half of a German Shepherd.)
    We chatted more about random things, and then I mentioned the animal again, calling it a goat, just in case he was mistaken. He said, “Oh this is a Bar Bah Dohs sheep. You know, like the island.” For the second time that day, I wondered if my brain was actually on fire. Splitting dogs? What island called bar-bah-dos?
    So in your free time, check out Barbados Sheep.

  163. 166
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday, fellow Aries!

    A cowboy sees a guy tying up his horse in front of the saloon and calls, “Hey, are you folks gonna hang someone?”

    The guy nods. “Yup. We’re fixin’ to hang Brown Paper Larry.”

    The cowboy’s brow furrows. “How come he’s called Brown Paper Larry?”

    “Well,” says the guy, “the man always wears clothes made of brown paper. Brown paper shirts. Brown paper pants. Even brown paper socks.”

    The cowboy ponders this for a moment, then asks, “What are ya hangin’ him for?”

    “Rustlin’.”

  164. 167
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday, Lisa!

    Did you know the first french fries were not actually cooked in France? They were cooked in grease.

  165. 168
    Ellen Meyers

    Hope this brings a smile to your face Lisa. Glad you have turned the corner. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-R2CvMBhYPs

  166. 169
    Anonymous

    🎊Happy Birthday Lisa🎉 so happy you are getting better, it gives hope for conquering this thing.

  167. 170
    Gene Black

    Happy Birthday Lisa. Feel better soon sweetie.
    I have been binge watching Cybill on Amazon Prime. It is an old sitcom but the crown jewel is Christine Baranski as Cybill’s best friend who is constantly stalking her ex-husband “Dr. Dick” the plastic surgeon.
    I think I watched some episodes when it aired. Some of the jokes relate to the then current culture but you should get them anyway.

  168. 171
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! I’m so glad you’re feeling better!!! I’m going a little stir crazy too. I’ve been sitting in the window watching the birds and squirrels and waving wildly at everyone walking their dogs past my house. I’m an extremely anxious introvert, but apparently I like the OPTION of talking to people if I want to. The things this quarantine is teaching us about ourselves! You have a lovely day and know that so many people care about you and are praying for you and your family.
    Much love from Michigan ❤️

  169. Happy birthday Lisa! And a couple of movies about girl power ( although totally different) Bombshell and Maggie’s plan ( love Greta 😍). Be well🥰

  170. Happy Birthday Lisa. I have a story for you.
    This morning I was reading a book that reminded me of a friend. A few hours later I was trying to find something in an unused drawer and came across a letter she had written to me in Jan 1997. The letter was an in-depth account of how she had met a man that she knew right away would be hers forever. The man had told her that he had loved her since he first saw her when he was a little boy. He was four years younger. My friend’s letter was an absolutely beautiful description of this man and the overwhelming feelings she was having for the future of their relationship.
    They married in Aug 2002.
    I read this letter and cried because David had just died two months ago and Ida had called me from the hospital to let me know. We hadn’t connected in years, but maybe my finding this letter meant she needed to see it to remind her of that wonderment she had experienced with David.
    It is now in the mail and I know how much it will mean to her when she reads it.
    Stay safe and healthy…

  171. Happy Birthday Lisa!!!! I’m Lisa too!!! 🦄🐥🦆🐷🙈🙉🙊🐵🐹🐨🦊🦁🦋🐞🕷🐳🐬🦓🦜

  172. Happy Hatching Day Lisa!
    I have wild squirrels that I feed. There are 2 females that found my apartment on the 2nd floor & now they come & shake the patio screen so i will bring them treats. They both try to come in when i give them treats and i have to push their noses from the gap in the screen. They are both also quite willing to get into my car & get their own treats. Squirrel noses are really soft!
    Sending sunshine & friendly squirrels from Canada! <3

  173. 176
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! Thank you for letting your sister include your stories in her books. You and your family have become OUR family.
    My favorite binge watch is “Eureka” (free on Amazon prime)
    Favorite website https://www.montereybayaquarium.org/animals/live-cams
    (Otters and turtles and sharks, oh my!)
    Hope that you are 100% soon and have the best birthday you can.

  174. 177
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday, Lisa. I hope the first days of this next year are much better than the final days of the last one. Many happy returns!

  175. Happy birthday to your sister. Tell her to go to YouTube and watch Daniel and Ashley perform “Hang On Little Tomato”. It’s just a delight and the young woman’s voice is so lovely 😊

    mydangblog recently posted Wigging Out.

  176. Happy Birthday Lisa
    My special thing today is that our best friends just placed a clay pot of freshly planted pansies on our front porch. Another best thing is that my sister/daughter type friend made us face masks with fun dog patterns. Oh, and my westie puppy Rocky and his much older sister Gracie are outside playing in the sunshine. We’re all in this together.

  177. Today i was so bored I vacuumed my vacuum. Happy birthday, Lisa!!

  178. 181
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday Lisa! Sisters are the best! I just finished the book The Hazel Wood and downloaded the second one within 15 minutes. Only two books in the series, both out and a lovely, creepy fairy tale based book! Have a great day!

  179. A very Happy Birthday, Lisa!! 🎉🎁🎈🎊🎂🌻🐈🧁🍰🍦🍺🍻🥃🍷🥂🍸🍹🍾

    Elizabeth

  180. 183
    Anonymous

    Happy, happy day; happy, happy birthday! My personal new fabulous watching pleasure is Making the Cut on Amazon. It’s cool, interesting, and really only good things happen…

  181. Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I’ve just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn’t mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic… told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip.😬 The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ……..yes, you guessed it 😝…..pull myself together

    I hope it made you smile 😁

    Anyway, happy birthday Lisa!

  182. Happy Birthday Lisa. It’s my birthday this week too. I just did some on line shopping for spring clothes to help me feel better. It’s a birthday present to myself. Not sure when I will wear them out though as it’s fucking snowing here in my part of Canada – that plus we are stuck at home. Don’t think my cat cares what I am wearing. Anyhoo, hope you have a nice day and know that next year’s birthday will be better.

  183. Happy Birthday, Lisa! And many, many more!

  184. Happy birthday, Lisa. Wishing you continued recovery.

    I’m funny things, yesterday we took my dog out into the years on his you’re out while we were working in the yard. And he promptly went straight into a good bed and got tangled attend a tree.

    Also, he had to go in early because he couldn’t stop yelling, I mean barking, to do the neighborhood dogs. Who knows what he was planning!

  185. Hi Lisa. I am going to assign this exercise to my students next week. I thought you might find it interesting even though your experience will definitely be different than theirs. I am going to ask them to spend five minutes in the closest thing they can get to silence. They must time this exercise. They must also be blindfolded during their five minutes of silence. Once their five minutes are up, they will free write about what they smelled and what they felt, what they heard. I want them to be aware of the other things around them. This might be a calming distraction for you. I’ve done it many times now. I hope you feel better soon.

  186. Happy Birthday, Lisa! My adult daughter, Lanine, posted a picture of her spider/airplane plants and said she hadn’t killed them yet. This is a big thing in our family as we have “black thumbs” when it comes to indoor plants. She named the verigated one Scarlet and plain one Webster because she thought the names were puny. I posted a picture of my lone surviving one in a HUGE pot the Lone Stranger. There had been about 6 originally in the pot with babies. RIP. A friend had commented that we were going crazy in the quarantine. She evidently didn’t realize we were on the crazy train along time before that. hahaha Now we just have to figure out names for the rest of the bazillion plants my daughter has in the house before they go in the garden. {wink}
    {hugs}
    Sandy/Wynterose/Aset

  187. Happy birthday, Lisa! I’m in nursing school and all our classes and clinicals were moved online. Sometimes we have sessions with our instructors on Zoom, and everybody’s dogs and kids show up to say hello. It’s nice to see something normal in all of this. Hope you feel better soon.

  188. 191
    Jayme L Hettinger

    Happy, Happy Birthday,Lisa. I wish II could share a pic in the comments because I’d send you a pic of my alpaca, Echo, wearing a Birthday crown and stash to make you smile. J

  189. Happy birthday, Lisa! I’ve been watching Young Sheldon. It’s different from The Big Bang Theory, but still amusing and I like it in its own way. It’s light-hearted and funny, which I find is just what I need right now.

  190. Here’s a story about Lisas. My grandfather had an Australian Shepherd called Lisa. One day Lisa was hit by a car and lost one of her legs but she still got around pretty well. After Lisa died my grandfather got another dog and called it Lisa, and the first Lisa was posthumously renamed Lisa Number One. When my grandfather died, I inherited Lisa Number Two. Several years after Lisa Number Two died, I got another dog, and her name is Cutie. Happy birthday!

  191. Happy Birthday, Lisa! Reading your sister’s birthday wish for you to get a bunch of moths reminds me of a story. My baby brother once brought home what he was a bucket full of teeny-tiny polliwogs. Turns out they were mosquito larvae and we were blessed with the gift of the most incredible explosion of mosquitoes I’ve ever seen. It was amazing. I hope you receive an equally amazing gift on your special day.

  192. 195
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa!!! I hope your recovery is speedy and your family bangs on your door and wishes you all the wishes and sends so much love under it! If you have the energy to laugh watch “I’m sorry” super cute or “home before dark” on Apple TV. Birthday love ❤️

  193. Happy Birthday Lisa! I’m binge watching Lucifer and the new Roswell. I love them both.

  194. Happy birthday Lisa!

    These days, my cat finds a lot of fun in chasing after her tail in circles all over the sofa. Sometimes, when she’s feeling smart and sneaky, she’ll act like she’s grooming herself, and then pounce on, again, her tail, just when it feels safe and is off guard. At least she’s pretty!

    Feel even better soon!

  195. Happy Birthday Lisa! There is a great podcast called “Good One” where the host plays a joke by a comedian and then interviews the comedian about the joke, so they are usually pretty funny. I also recommend “The Dork Forest”, particularly the recent episode with Guy Branum. I hope you feel all better soon!

  196. 199
    Michelle L.

    Happy birthday, Lisa! If you haven’t already seen the first episode of Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show at Home, it’s delightful. Later episodes are good, too, but the infectious goofiness of his family comes through strong in the first one. I hope it’s a great day, filled with joys both large and small.

  197. Happy Birthday, Lisa!

    A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
    “Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
    ……….
    What do you call bears with no ears?
    B
    ……….
    What does a pepper do when it’s angry?
    It gets jalapeño face!
    …..
    I couldn’t believe that the highway department called my dad a thief.
    But when I got home, the signs were all there.
    …..
    I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
    So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
    One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
    So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
    That’s about as far as I remember.

  198. 201
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday, Lisa! I recommend Claws and Happy Valley.

  199. Happy Birthday, Lisa! I don’t know if you’ll find this funny but I played soccer with my cat Ariana yesterday. I hope you feel better soon.

    samatwitch recently posted National Pet Day.

  200. Happy, happy birthday, Lisa! So glad you are feeling better! Good thoughts for you to feel better every minute, and to get some good sleep tonight. So sorry you got this horrible virus. My dog, Francis, says hi.

  201. Happy birthday Lisa!!!So glad you’re starting to feel a bit better. I think this year you should get to pick another day when you feel healthy to serve as your official birthday celebration. You aren’t missing your bday..you’re just going to postpone it.

  202. 205
    Anonymous

    Why should you never fart in the Apple Store?……….Because they have no windows.

  203. Happy, happy birthday Lisa! I’m sorry you’re not able to celebrate properly. Please watch this video of a 4-year-old singing. I hope it brings a smile to your face: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bpu0TIXzI1w

  204. Happy birthday, Lisa. I have a dog who thinks she is a cat and a cat who thinks she is a dog and they both think I am the best human ever. Hope you have someone in your life who thinks you are the best human too.

  205. 208
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday, Lisa. Glad you’re getting better.
    Sorry, nothing funny to share, but good wishes all around.
    🌼🦠🌼🦠

  206. Happy birthday Lisa! True story: whenever Jenny talks about you, I always picture Lisa Simpson in my mind! Complete with saxophone. ❤🎷

  207. Happy Birthday, Lisa! Get your free birthday gift from Sephora! I just ordered mine even though I hardly ever wear makeup! I just like the idea of it, especially when it’s free!

  208. Happy Birthday Lisa

  209. Happy Birthday, Lisa!
    I don’t know any good jokes, but I really hope you have a good day. I wish I could post a photo of my dog for you. She cheers me up. Just imagine a beagle with a dopey grin here. 😉

  210. Happy Birthday, Lisa!

  211. Happy birthday, Lisa!
    Here’s a joke for you that my students love-
    What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
    ……
    Nacho cheese!!

  212. 215
    A Nony Mouse

    Happy birthday, Lisa! You’re going to fight this thing and you’re going to win because your family needs you, especially Jenny (you know it’s true, Jenny). So hang in there and think good thoughts. Visualize tiny Luke Skywalkers swatting those COVID viruses with his light saber. Zap! That one’s gone. Zap! Another one. It’s a good way for your brain to tell your body to fight and also a good way to get to sleep, better than counting sheep. You’ve got this!

  213. Happy birthday, Lisa! Sending good vibes from TN! I don’t have any great stories, but I did come across a super funny video on Facebook that I have watched over and over a couple of times to make me laugh and lift my spirits. Hope you enjoy! 💕🎂

    https://www.facebook.com/600742925/posts/10159506012502926/?d=n

  214. Happy birthday, Lisa! I hatched a critically endangered tortoise this morning. Would you like me to name it after you?

  215. Happy Birthday Lisa! We are all so grateful you are doing so well and finally feeling a bit better 🙂 Maybe you can make a list of all the fun things you want to do when all this scary stuff is over! Here’s my fun story: Husband and I began watching Deadwood, the HBO series. The word Co*#$u@ker is used so many times, we started counting how many times it was said in an episode. Then, every fifteen minutes. Now we call each co**$@C&ers (in jest) for just about everything! Hugs and best wishes for a speedy recovery and joy filled days ahead.

  216. 219
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday, Lisa. Hang in there – it sounds like you’ve turned the corner. I have been taking the time to go through my old movies collection and see all the stuff that were my daughter’s favorites when she was little. She is grown and out of state now, so we have been texting a lot. I sent her a Hello Kitty mask and I’m hoping she will take photos to send me. Feel better!!!

  217. 220
    Jay Davis

    Happy birthday Lisa! Feel better soon please! How do you know when you’ve passed an elephant? The toilet won’t flush!

  218. Happy Birthday, Lisa. Get well, soon!

  219. Happy Birthday!

    What did the spoon say to the fork?
    Let’s run away together before the chef gets us.

    I don’t get it either but my 5 year old told me the joke and is now laughing like a maniac…

  220. What do you get when you eat peanut butter and baked beans?

    A fart that sticks to the roof of your ass. 🤪😝🤩

  221. Happy Birthday, lovely Lisa! Glad you are feeling better.

    Try Kim’s Convenience on Netflix. It’s sweet and funny and a total balm. Also, 20-ish minute episodes and four seasons.

  222. Since you’re already staying at home I know this video is not applicable to you but it’s funny
    https://tinyurl.com/qq2wkd7

  223. My sister’s name is Lisa as well. She’s a couple of years younger than me. We grew up in Niagara Falls Ontario Canada. We lived in a white stuccoed house on Ralph Ave. One lazy summer afternoon I was laying on the bench swing in the backyard. My sister and I were arguing. Mid argument she spat at me. It flew through the air…and landed…right. in. my. open. mouth. I chased her into the house but she locked herself in the bathroom. The next day I spit my toothpaste into her bathwater while she was having a bath but honestly it wasn’t the same. I’ll never top that well placed spit bomb. So that’s one that she’ll always have in the Lisa wins column. 😉
    Happy Birthday (to your) Lisa.

  224. If I knew the HTML code to post a picture, I would do it for you, but alas. Take my word for it, though. It’s a cute tiny tortoise.

  225. Happy birthday, Lisa! I’ve been binge watching The Magicians and it’s basically the perfect distraction, because there’s tons of cursing and talking rabbits and people making weird hand gestures and it’s pretty much impossible to worry while watching it.

  226. Happy Birthday, Lisa! So a couple of weeks ago, I was texting my BFF, and mentioned that I had not worn a bra in three weeks. ( I work from home.) And I got no response, so I looked at my phone and somehow texted that I had not worn a bra in three weeks, to World Market; NOT my BFF. *Face palm.

  227. 230
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday, Lisa!
    Which is the tallest building in town?
    The library because it has so many stories!
    Feel even better soon!

  228. 231
    Dot Beavington

    Happy birthday, Lisa. Late last night I heard a kerfuffle in the backyard. I looked out and saw a large cat food bag running around the yard being chased by two large raccoons. The bag stopped and a young raccoon backed out of it. I guess I had left a few tidbits in the bag. One of the big guys tried to stuff himself into the bag and got it stuck on his head. Then he began running around the yard and was chased by the other two. They made the most interesting vocal sounds in the excitement of the moment. Raccoons have over 50 different vocalizations. I have always loved raccoons. I thanked them for giving me my best laugh in weeks. in the midst of this pandemic there are always raccoons to entertain us..

  229. Happy birthday, Lisa! From my sofa, currently pinned under two cats.

  230. 233
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! Birthday wishes from my apartment in Central California. It is a beautiful Spring day here. I also recently had a self-isolated birthday. Certainly a different kind of birthday time but there is so much to be thankful. I’m thankful to hear that your health is improving and I pray it continues in that direction.

  231. Happy Birthday Lisa!!! From one COVID virus survivor to another, I’d make you some hand sanitizer but every time I try it comes out as a cadillac margarita on the rocks which doesn’t go through the mail as well and who knew I had so much Grand Marnier in the house?? Quarantine ROCKS until the booze runs out!! XOXO

  232. 235
    SGrauschopf

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! If you haven’t seen this YouTube clip of Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell on Ellen, it made me laugh a lot! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHIoQfsh59w

  233. There’s a bear that visits us every night. He seems pretty chill, sometimes he lays down under our bedroom window or has a little tea party with the plastic geese on the lawn. We call him porkchop.

  234. Happy Birthday, Lisa! Thank you for being Jenny’s sister… I am sure it is both a joy and a WTF!?
    For your gift, I offer the funniest crazy cat compilation on the intertubez, funny enough to prove that yes, the internet is STILL run by cats. https://www.facebook.com/SecretPetss/videos/528415261423362/

  235. Happy birthday, Lisa! I’ve been thinking about you and hoping you’re making progress into getting better!

  236. Happy Pandemic Birthday, Lisa! My whole family, (myself, 52, my husband 53, and our 24 year old son) ALL GOT COVID here in Oregon last month, and we are on the mend! <3 I know the news cycle is endless death, but please focus on and remember that only on average 3% or so of humans getting this are dying from it. I, like Jenny, have Hashimoto Thyroiditis, and also moderate asthma, multiple sclerosis, non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, arrhythmia, and many other chronic illnesses AND I AM ON THE MEND! <3 Please hang in there. This virus is a long, slow train wreck. Every day a little better, then third day in, you feel like you’re gonna die. Just back and forth, back and forth. Here is what I went through, Happy Pandemic Birthday again, you have got this! <3 <3 <3 https://www.instagram.com/p/B-ibSeIg3ox/ <3

  237. Happy Birthday! Watch Tiger King on Netflix. It’s kind of like watching a train wreck real slow but no one bleeds. Oh wait, that girl did lose her arm so there’s that.

  238. 241
    Dave Blanchard

    Happy Birthday Lisa.
    What is a pirates favorite letter?
    Some may think it is I or R, but truth is that the C be their first love.

  239. Wishing a happy birthday to Lisa and a speedier recovery. We are all so relieved you are improved. Here’s a short something to amuse you: https://youtu.be/BOyDI-M4f2c

  240. This is a terrific Twitter from a farm in Ireland:
    Worlds Smallest Sheepdog
    @WSheepdog
    There are new puppies, new lambs, and farming with nature.
    (The human’s account is: Suzanna Crampton @ZwartblesIE)

  241. Happy Birthday Lisa!!!

    I really like to watch Inked just so I can wonder who would volunteer to get a permanently (94% likely) bad, rushed, tattoo by a super nervous person. But I’m a sadist like that? Yikes. Happy Birthday!

    Sarah

  242. Happy Birthday, Lisa, from one Aries to another (mine was April 2)!! If you like Monty Python Holy Grail style humor and shows with singing, this is a “hidden gem” (not sure why more people don’t know about it — it is brilliant!!). Binge it on Netflix!!

  243. 246
    Anonymous

    I highly recommend the Royal National Theatre’s production of One Man, Two Govnors featuring James Cordon. They’ve made it available on Youtube for free (expires Thursday so don’t wait). 2+ hours of hilarity. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUDq1XzCY0NIOYVJvEMQjqw

  244. 247
    Datdamwuf

    Happy birthday, Lisa. A woman in a nearby neighborhood offered to make me masks to wear to my upcoming chemo & radiation therapy for free. They will have Spiderman on them cos it resembles the mask I have to wear. So many people helping people on Nextdoor these days, it’s way cool. I hope you get done with your quarantine very soon!

  245. 248
    Anonymous

    Happy 🎉 🎂 birthday 🎈Lisa! sending birthday wishes so you feel less alone, and super healing power vibes so you can get healthy and be with your family again!

  246. 249
    Anonymous

    Happy Isolation Birthday, Lisa! I don’t know what could be a better gift than having Jenny for a sister so right there you are winning. Get well and get the hell out of your room. Not that there’s much happening out here right now, it it would be a nice change for you.

  247. 250
    Jenny With a B

    Happy, happy birthday, Lisa!
    What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
    He likes the R but his true love will always be the C.
    (You have to say this in your pirate voice.)
    Recommending This Is Spinal Tap to entertain you.
    So glad you’re on the mend!

  248. Hmmm…. well, my kitty Coraline has been driving us bonkers every night cleaning herself whilst we TRY to sleep. As someone put it in a meme, she “sounds like an old toothless guy eating a bowl of chili in the dark.” She sounds like shes eating a bowl of pudding from an ass. Or ass in jug of pudding? Shes an over achiever and its GROSS when ur trying to sleep. She needs to toss that imaginary salad and get it over with!

    The gobsmacking has gotten so bad it makes us irritated mid-sleep. Sadly, a spray bottle of water has come to fruition, and the mere sound of the spray runs her off. Also, the isolation law has made her affectionate, to a false point.

    “Pet me, pet me. My ass in your face and tail squiggly on your legs while you cook” BITEY BITEY.

    Love love hate Coraline. Lol

    I wish all the best and speedy full recovery for ur sis! I am one of 4 sisters. Its only a matter of time for us, and I have 4 daughters, My elder sis has 4 boys. I’m freaked out!

  249. Happy birthday my dear. A birthday to remember thats for sure. Glad you’re feeling better!! 🎂⚘🧡👌

  250. Happy birthday Lisa! I’m glad you’re starting to improve. 💜
    Today, I sat on my balcony to eat lunch, and watched the toddler who lives downstairs chase bubbles around the yard in her unicorn jacket.

  251. 254
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! If you up for reading, Cupcakes, Trinkets, and other Deadly Magic by Meghan Ciara Doidge is a fun, light read about witches, vampires & shapeshifters. Hope you feel better soon!

  252. 255
    Anonymous

    Someone up there said she hates Russian Dolls because they’re so full of themselves but for realz you should watch Russian Doll on Netflix if you haven’t because it’s the super magical kind of weird that your sister is. Happy birthday and feel better soon!

  253. 256
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday Lisa!!
    How do you make holy water?
    Boil the hell out of it!
    Hope that made you laugh!! ❤️❤️❤️

  254. 257
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday Lisa.

  255. Happy Birthday, Lisa! Mine was April 2 and I’m grateful I’m not ill, even though I can’t have a party. I’m sorry you’re so I’ll, but grateful you’re not in the hospital. Peace, Love and Healing to you. The celebration is delayed, not cancelled!

  256. Happiest and most interesting of birthdays Lovely Lisa. Glad I you’re on the mend.

  257. Happy Birthday Lisa!
    Where do the bees go pee?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    At the BP station!

    a favorite joke from a friend’s kid just for you.

    Take care and get better soon!

  258. 261
    Marlene Ford

    Lisa, Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lockdown! Actually, I’ve just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting worse. I didn’t mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end, the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic… told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the doorknob told me to get a grip.😬 The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ……..yes, you guessed it 😝…..pull myself together

  259. Happy Birthday, Lisa! I hope you’re able to make the most of the day, even though, let’s be honest, this is a super sucky time to have a birthday. I can say this because mine is tomorrow, and I have never been looking forward to it less. So I’m watching The DNA of Murder with Paul Holes and eating coffee nut M&Ms to keep myself from walking the dog, again, because she’s basically gone on strike.

    Seriously though, I hope your day is magical and that you’re able to breathe, which is always a good thing. Wishing you every wonderful thing in the coming year, including good health, lots of love, and infinite peace.

  260. Happy Birthday, Lisa! If you want to watch a sweet, entertaining movie, I can recommend Yesterday.

  261. I highly recommend binge watching cats in hats ringing bells for treats on youtube. It might bring you a smile on your birthday- if not….

    What’s a sea monsters favorite treat?
    Fish and ships!

  262. 265
    Katherine

    Happy birthday Lisa! I’m glad to know that you’re on the mend. I recommend John Krasinski’s home-made newscast “Some Good News”. It’s pretty funny and kind.

  263. Hoping you have a magical birthday!

  264. Happy Birthday, Lisa!!

    Imagine a baseball cap. It says, Going thru shit!

    Thanks to Fall Out Boy, one of my personal favorite bands.

  265. 268
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! To celebrate my family went on a breathtaking hike today. We drove back to the house twice because we forgot how to go to places. We hiked in the trails behind a seclusive neighborhood. A mile or so in we got kicked out by the neighborhood association hiking monitors. They were wearing vests and carrying walk-e-talkies. They did not know about keeping a safe distance from us. We still got to hike out the beautiful mike back, on our own. The whole time we bantered about how best to deal with them next time. Lots of puffery from the husband, I went straight for the haves/have not shame, and thebkids said next time let’s not clean up our dog’s poop.
    That’s all I got, we are in lock down after all.

  266. Happy birthday, Lisa. Many years ago my father, a veterinarian, invited my cousin’s wife, a CRNA, to watch a surgery he was performing on a dog. Dad removed an enormous tumor from the dog and put it in the sink of his surgery to deal with after he finished up. The CRNA asked, “What are you going to do with the tumor.” Dad replied, “Put candles in it and sing happy birthday.” I hope you have an actual cake for your birthday and that you don’t mind my dad story. He was a wonderful man with an unusual sense of humor. I am really glad you are on the road to recovery.

  267. Happy Birthday Lisa! If you want to pay attention to someone else’s dumpster fire for a while watch Tiger King on Netflix!

  268. Happy Birthday, Lisa

  269. My happy moment for the day was a yard full of bunnies this morning…at least 4 of them hopping and chasing and I was supposed to be watching church, but I kept looking out my window and watching bunnies. It’s not much, but I hope it gives you a birthday smile.

  270. Happy birthday, Lisa! You don’t know me, but one of the things that always helps me when I’m not well is “thinking past the sale”–make a list of things you’re going to do when you recover. That lets you make the most of the time as you get better. Remember that it will be there as you get better; even the Star Wars Holiday (LIfe Day) Special is online in a few places. The best part is, you don’t have to even actually watch it; just knowing you COULD matters.

    Every person matters, but you’re more of a hero for staying home. And if you really need rubber gloves, there were some at http://www.sciplus.com (I don’t work there or for them; they just had gloves recently.) They’re not available in bulk any more, but if a few pair will get you by, now you know. (It’s not my blog, but you’re inspiring me to start one.)

  271. Happy Birthday Lisa!

    What did the goldfish say when he hit a wall?

    Dam. 🤣🐡

    My almost 3yo is loving spending quality time during quarantine with me and loves her pool we set up for her in the backyard. She pretends she is at the beach. When we are inside we play space rangers. I was so proud when she did her own force field. She is very accurate at blasting alien overlords too. She gets it from me (don’t tell her dad, our secret).

    I just got done bingeing on the Casteel Family Saga by VC Andrews on lifetime movie club and I love Slapped Ham channel on YouTube. It’s scary info and footage and the guy’s voice is good to go to sleep to.

    Be safe!

  272. 275
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! You share your birthday with Pharrell, why not throw on Happy to brighten the day.

  273. Happy birthday Lisa! I’m so glad you’re feeling better!

    My sister in law presented our family with a new baby last week, so that’s my good news to share. James Rowan is happy and healthy and eating like a champ.

  274. 277
    Anonymous

    Hi Lisa,
    Happy birthday!

    So do you know what the superhero said after working out?

    I’m Thor!

    mark

    (Thanks Nikki for the joke)

  275. Sending Happy Birthday wishes and Healthy Vibes!! ❤🙏💪

  276. Happy birthday from Alabama, Lisa! ♥

  277. Hey Lisa!

    What’s the best kind of joke for a pandemic?

    An inside joke!

    I hope you’re connecting with those that know you best, that can share inside jokes and memories with you, and that you keep on healing.

  278. Happy birthday, Lisa!
    I’ve been watching A Discovery Of Witches on the Cinema HD app. It’s delightfully mindless about, well, witches & vampires & demons, oh my!

  279. 282
    Emilie Lawson

    Happy Birthday Lisa – If you need a book recommendation, try “Nothing to See Here.” I’m only halfway through it, but it is very readable and escapist, with a nice amount of weirdness. Feel better soon.

  280. 283
    Carla Ann

    Happy Happy Birthday Lisa! I wish you the very best of Birthdays! And much love.

  281. Happy birthday, fellow Lisa! Today I saw a squirrel at our birdfeeder that I thought was a very cool gray squirrel/red squirrel hybrid because his fur had both colors, but then my husband told me he was a red squirrel with mange and the gray part was where he lost his fur. Granted, I didn’t have my contacts in at the time, so the mistake is understandable. I rather like my version of the situation better, however I can now say, literally, “Look at that mangey squirrel!” 🐿️

  282. Happy birthday, Lisa! From Barcelona, Spain, all the love! I also had the little shitty virus a few weeks ago. It was hard but eventually it passed. You will recover like a champ and have many stories to tell your grandchildren, you will see.
    The funniest thing that occured to me today is that I realized this was the very first time in my 38 years of life that a bought a yearly planner. Thank you Universe for my absolutely useless 2020 planner…

  283. Happy Birthday Lisa, I hope you get an amazing celebration when quarantine is over, but for now, it’s a day, your age is a number. (I turned 50 a couple of weeks ago and that was my mantra).

    Funny story from UK https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRF4uQG5W-k

    Hope you are well really soon and can enjoy being less isolated.

  284. 287
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday Lisa! You have successfully completed another rotation around the sun. Heres to many more!

  285. 288
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday Lisa hope you’re better soon

  286. 289
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! I am so glad you are feeling better. We are a family of nerds so here’s a science joke my kids love:
    “Never trust an atom; they make up everything”.

  287. 290
    Crystal S

    Happy birthday Lisa!! Heal up soon!
    Why do seagulls fly by the sea, because if they flew by the bay they’d be BAYGULLS. It’s truly best when it’s a 49 year old woman reading it out loud like it’s comedy gold, but since I can’t be there to read it to you, you’ll have to do it yourself. 😁🤣 I hope the rest of the year is better than this shitshow! I honestly think it will, but just in case, hold on to your birthday gift wrap in the event people don’t stop hoarding the T.P. 😜

  288. Happy Birthday Lisa!
    My younger sister:
    *Spells beagle B-E-G-O-L
    *Told everyone she got run over by a mailbox. (She ran into a mail truck that was stopped.)
    *Cried when my brother told her she couldn’t play bad mitten because she didn’t bring her gloves.
    *Used to cry her eyes out and tattle when my brother would whisper-chant in her ear “Su-ba-ru. Su-ba-ru. Su-ba-ru. Su-ba-ru.” And my mom would yell back, “IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING!” Hahahha but it did. Subaru made a little pickup truck back then call THE BRAT!!! Hahahah

    Hope you are up and around soon. Love ya!
    Colleen

  289. Happy Birthday! It’s so hard when you’re isolated but good thoughts for your next trip around th sun!
    Here’s my weird ass story. So I’ve been isolated now 3 weeks because of chronic asthma and my husband and I are both essential workers, so the stress is a bit high right now. In CA, there are frequent commercials from Dr. Sonia, the head of the Health and Human Svcs in CA. Every day, when she comes on (multiple times) TV, my husband and I say, “Look IT”S SONIA!” And we wave frantically at the TV and say “HI SONIA!”. Yeah, its the little things.

  290. 293
    silkensteel

    Oh, here’s a fun story for you. Because you need happy things.
    We have laying ducks, in a pen behind my cottage. Hated ducks at first but now I vastly prefer them to chickens for eggs. Biggest thing is they don’t take shit, and don’t turn into helpless balls of meat soon as the sun goes down.
    So this afternoon I hear the ducks being pissed. And pissed off ducks are very loud. QUAAAAACK QUAAAAACK QUAAAAAACK WHO THE HELL ARE YOU IN OUR PEN QUAAAAAACK? So I go into the pen, I’m walking around, the ducks are obviously pissed about something. Everyone’s here, no hawks overhead, no ravens going after eggs, I collect the eggs, then notice it looks like a duck in the 50/50 ignored nesting box. I get down, and wrong color. Big brilliant blue eyes look up at me and hiss.

    It’s the one most feral farm cat I was not able to catch for TNR, and she’s in there with three very tiny new kittens. Dammit. OK, they’re cute, but dammit the last three weeks TNR facilities were shut down anyway. Dammit. I think a dark tabby, a dark tortie, and a light tortie. And she is the most stunning random bred siamese I’ve ever seen, with these giant limpid brilliant blue eyes full of hate and violence. And now she has kittens. In the duck pen. Well, it could be worse. At least they’re kittens. Which I will somehow have to socialize and get TNR’d in four or five months if possible. (photo here: https://twitter.com/HammerMacabre/status/1246917686229008384?s=20)

    Help.

  291. 294
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday, Lisa! I hope you feel better soon.

  292. We are going to pickup day old chicks tomorrow for our backyard homestead! These are rainbow chicks because a few years ago we got a batch that were infected with an incurable infection. I’ve spent the last two weeks of quarantine ripping the floor out of the coop, power washing, and disinfecting so my new chick babies will have a fresh clean and improved home! I’m really tired and proud. In january I was sick with this “not flu” that wasn’t on the radar and i wondered if I would ever be strong again. Well I’m STRONGER! You will be too.

  293. 296
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa!! 😃🎈🎂 I am so glad you are on the mend. 🙏🏼❤️

  294. 297
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! My oldest sister’s name is Lisa too! And her oldest son to just graduated high school, which is a big deal, because she did not. Anyway, just remember eventually this will all just be a memory. Hope you have a nice day!

  295. 298
    Anonymous

    Hello Lisa! Have a great Birthday, so glad you are improving. So, good news of the day, I got to watch my horse roll in the dirt. Then she followed me like a puppy, because I have mint cookies.
    So remember, bribe horses with treats and they will like you, and get well soon, because it’s for the best <3

  296. Happy birthday Lisa!
    Hope you have Amazon prime. There’s a movie on Prime video called Life Itself. I enjoyed it. Hope you will too!

  297. 300
    Fictionfiend

    Happy Birthday, Lisa!
    (But from 6ft away)

    What do you call a fish that’s lost an eye?
    Fsssh

  298. 301
    Christine

    Happy Birthday, Lisa!
    Now you’ll have a story for the ages ‘Remember that one time my birthday was during the zombie apocalypse 🧟‍♀️?’
    Oh, wait, that’s a different story altogether. Darn.
    Enjoy your day. I hope you feel special and especially loved even if it’s from afar.
    Sending light and love and birthday wishes your way
    ✨🌟🎈🌟💜🌟✨

  299. Today I met a total stranger in an empty Tuesday Morning parking lot to give her a roll of TP in exchange for a face mask. So nothing can ever be weird again.

  300. 303
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! This year can only get better, right? 🙂

  301. 304
    Sid Rotten

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! We’ve been watching the Project Bluebook series. Based on the real
    deal. Cool fashion & furniture from mid 20th century is a bonus.

    Texas joke:
    Why did the armadillo cross the road?

    It never happened!
    I’m glad you’re a survivor! Get Jenny to make you a one of a kind t-shirt that says so

  302. Happy Birthday Lisa!
    Here’s my favorite Canadian leper joke (they’re rare):

    Why did they call time out at the leper hockey game?
    There was a face off in the corner.

    As far as recommendations to kill the time while you knock this recovery out of the park, I recently discovered a podcast called “And That’s Why we Drink” which is about various serial killers/cults/hauntings/weird shit and, well, drinking.

  303. 306
    Jayne Capps

    Happy Birthday 🎂🎈🎉🍹! Tomorrow is my mom’s birthday & I am surprising her with cake in the driveway. My brother’s fam in one area , her sister in another & she & I in our own. My sister is going to FaceTime her and ask to see the work we’re going to do in the flower beds during the day. I hope you felt the love from us all today.💕🌼🌻🌺🌹🌸

  304. Happy Birthday Lisa, hope you feel better soon!

  305. Happy Birthday Lisa! I hope you are feeling better soon!

  306. Happy birthday, Lisa. If laughing won’t make you cough, take a look at this: https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/laurenstrapagiel/potato-boss-video-call?origin=tuh

  307. 310
    Nina Squillante

    I sent you some artwork I made in an email, please pass along to Lisa if you think she’d enjoy seeing it and/or coloring it. I was inspired by your line drawing/coloring pages. 🙂

  308. Happy Birthday Lisa!!

  309. Happiest of birthdays Lisa!!

  310. 313
    Kathleen Marie Kaufman

    Happy Happy!!! If you are somewhere near Santa Monica it is a pretty day to look at out the window. Hoping your body continues to heal and thrive. Your sister’s book “Furiously Happy” is what i usually recommend people that are sick and need to laugh. I assume you have already read it. I haven’t read much lately as I am back in school. I always recommend We Were Liars (very different than your sister’s book). And I really liked Warcross. Mary Oliver’s poems help too – in a different way and I would never sit down and read the whole book. My current form of procrastination is the show Detective Anna on Amazon Prime – it has subtitles – so if you don’t feel like reading, skip it unless you speak Russian. Another series I watched was on Netflix, My Holo Love (totally cheesy Korean romance). Those are my current recommendations Get well and enjoy your bday.

  311. Happy Birthday Lisa! I know this show is older, but if you haven’t watched yet, it ‘s a good one. Weeds, we are on season two and boy is it good! Get better soon!

  312. Happy Birthday Lisa! Your sister is a ray of sunshine and a blast of honesty in my life and hopefully yours too. Glad to hear that you are feeling better and hope you will be IMMUNE afterwards! 🎂🎁w

  313. 316
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday Lisa 🎈🎉

  314. How do you hide an elephant in a strawberry patch?
    Paint his toe nails red.
    Happy birthday!

  315. Happiest of birthdays, Lisa. I’ve been quarantining for 3 weeks – I think it’s just allergies but scared people will run me out if they heard me 🙂

    What does a bear call a hiker sleeping bag? A taco.

  316. Happy birthday! Birthdays in quarantine suck. Mine was last week.

    BUT I’m a teacher, and a colleague and good friend arranged for like half my kiddos to call, email, video chat and wish me happy birthday all day long. They even sang the worst version of happy birthday over zoom and it was fantastic. I laughed until I cried.

    I keep using creative video assignments for them, and while that’s part of my curriculum anyway, I’m also doing it because it keeps me going too. I can’t have my crazy classes in person, but we can still have the fun crazy learning moments that bring me joy and keep me going as a teacher.

    Netflix: The Cable Girls—it’s every soap opera trope wrapped into one show and I love it so hard!! Also the fashion and filming are spectacular. You just have to get over the dubbing (it’s Spanish). Unorthodox was also absolutely beautiful. I highly recommend both!!

    Keep going! Like I tell my kiddos—you’ve got this.

  317. 320
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday, Lisa! Today my eight-year-old son chased the ducks, caught one, and snuggled it till it bit him. Then he snuggled it some more. May your family catch you and snuggle you when this is all over–whether you like it or not. <3

  318. Happy birthday Lisa!! I hope you have a great birthday! You’re kicking coronavirus’ ass!

  319. 322
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday Lisa! It’s also my nephew’s birthday, and one of my good childhood friends also shares this birthday. What I’m saving is awesome people are born on this date. I hope you can feel the great big virtual hug we’re all sending you!

  320. 323
    Heather M

    Happy birthday! I dont know how to post a photo, so here’s a joke for you:
    It’s always a good idea to make friends with babies. That’s free cake once a year for a lifetime.

  321. Happy birthday, Lisa!!!!! I hope you have a wonderful day and start to feel better soon. Sending positive thoughts your way.

  322. Happy Birthday, Lisa! Celebrate again in a few weeks when you feel better!

  323. 326
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday Lisa! Get well soon.
    I don’t know if you like wine but here’s the directions for drinking the boxed type ❤️❤️

    https://youtu.be/HiaVWreDHIs

  324. 327
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! Hope you’re having a wonderful grand day! 😃 ❤️ 🙏

  325. 328
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday, Lisa. I had to scroll so far to post a comment. People you will never meet are rooting for you and hoping you feel good enough for cake and ice cream.

  326. 329
    Barbara King

    Happy Birthday Lisa! Spring is here, The sun is getting warmer, I hope that soon you will be able to at least sit in the sun for a while. It kills the virus, and feels so much like health your body my soon agree.

  327. 330
    timsheltess

    I just had a birthday too and a hospital visit so I’ll sending extra super tons of love!!! Today I learned that , well, I forgot what I learned but today has been extra joyful and I’m extra convinced now that it’s because it’s YOUR birthday! Be well, friend! Happy YOU DAY!!!

  328. 331
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! My 14 year old flatulent Yorkie sitting on my lap sends his love too. He is loving this isolation business – I am a captive victim, seriously, the smell could curl your hair!

  329. Happy Birthday Lisa! Today our at home church streaming was interrupted by my 4yr old yelling excitedly, “There’s a mouse in our bedroom! A real mouse!” There was, and it was quite little and cute. We released it back into the wild but I just realized we forgot to name it. And we missed the rest of the church.
    So…maybe you can hope for a mouse party?

  330. Happy birthday Lisa! I highly recommend googling pictures of fuzzy bats and sloths and you will be much happier. YOU ARE WELCOME.
    Thank you Jenny for the optical illusion drawing which I love more than anything right now! It speaks to me in a way that not everything does but I am in love with it and so with you only now this is sort of feeling weird and awkward.

    Shannon akaMonty recently posted A quarter of a century. POOF..

  331. Hey Lisa,
    What do you call a fish without eyes?
    Fsssh.

    That’s literally the only joke in my repertoire, and it’s stolen from a tv show. Anyway, happy birthday!

  332. Just don’t be thinking about the Oscar Meyer theme song when you blow out your candles on your cake. Just saying… 😉

  333. 336
    Dana Randall

    Happy Birthday! Dracula on Netflix is EXCELLENT! Reenvisioned with a female Van Helsing, SO GOOD!

  334. Happy Birthday, Lisa.

    A woman had twins and put them up for adoption. One was adopted by a family from Egypt and they named him Amal. The other was adopted by a Hispanic family and was named Juan Years later, Juan finds his birth mother and sends her a picture of himself. She laments that she’s never seen a picture of her other son. Her husband says, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

    mommatrek recently posted Quarantine Day 22–So exhausted.

  335. Happy birthday! Feel better soon!

  336. 339
    Anonymous

    Here is my totally appropriate funny story for you: Years ago I was standing in line at Peet’s Coffee and Tea in Menlo Park, CA, talking with my good friend, Joel, who I hadn’t seen in a while. He is a travel photographer and his wife worked as the legal counsel for the Dalai Lama, so she traveled quite a bit as well. He was filling me in on their life, and mentioned that they had a lama living with them. A Tibetan lama is a monk or priest. As we were talking, another friend, Kim, walked up. I introduced them to each other, and then Joel continued talking. He told me that the lama loved to go out to the front yard in the mornings and greet the children as they walked to school. I picture in my head a small, sweet man smiling and waving at the children. “The children LOVE him,” he said. I look at Kim, and realize that thought he was talking about a LLAMA. Then he said, “he loves being in the garden, so [his wife] is showing him how to weed.” Kim said “you can teach them that?” Joel replied “oh, yes! The hard part is teaching him difference between a plant and a weed. To him the are all the same.” Kim nodded, and we ordered our coffee. Happy Birthday, Lisa!

  337. 340
    Krista Bradshaw

    Happy Birthday! If you haven’t watched The Repair Shop on Netflix, check it out. It’s lovely and soothing.

  338. 341
    Pamela Moulder

    Happy birthday Lisa!
    Yesterday my husband and I went for a walk with the dog. Dressed in dinosaur costumes. We had so many people say hi! Or laugh, one neighbor sang”walk the dinosaur ” to us. The best was the lady in the duplex who called her 91 year old neighbor to come out to the porch. She was grinning from ear to ear.
    Every single time we do it people smile.
    If I could come by your window to wave I would.
    Hope you recover fully

  339. Happy birthday, Lisa.

  340. Happy birthday Lisa!
    I am glad for your sake the moths were killed. A bunch of those MF flapping around eating your clothes is the stuff nightmares are made of.

    Anyway, have a great birthday.

  341. Happy Birthday Lisa🌼
    If you have Amazon Prime we recommend The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. There are 3 seasons to binge 😍

  342. 345
    Heather L.

    Happy Birthday! You are so loved!!!

  343. Happy Birthday Lisa! You can always get on the Netflix crazy train with the rest of us and binge on The Tiger King! 🐅

  344. Happy birthday, Lisa! I recommend Kim’s Convenience on Netflix. Funny and charming.

  345. Happy birthday Lisa! Looking forward to reading about your continued recovery. Have you watched The Office or am I the only one watching it for the first time? It’s very good.

  346. Happy birthday Lisa! For your special day, I thought I would share with you a funny story. I haven’t shared it with too many people because I feel like an absolute idiot. So, a few months ago,in the middle of the night, I kept hearing horrible crying noises outside. It sounded like something was being attacked outside. I didn’t know what the something was specifically, but it persisted for at least 20 minutes, to the point where I couldn’t sleep. So I rolled out of bed half awake, made my way to the front door. I live in a rural area, btw. I open the front door, and squint. The street light is on, but my view is limited because the light is not hitting the areas I need to see very well. Underneath one of my vehicles, which is parked out front of my home, I saw what I thought were some kittens underneath my husband’s vehicle. Underneath my car, which was parked right next to his vehicle, was a larger cat. I was positive about the larger cat because he belongs to a neighbor. I forgot to put on my glasses, which was my first problem. My neighbor’s cat was not being nice to the kitties, so my instinct is to run and pick them up and bring them into the house, and try to figure out the next step. I picked these “kittens” up, and in the glow of the street light, I immediately realize, holy shit balls! These are baby racoons!!! I freaked out a little, to be honest. I put them down gently, but quickly where I found them, chased away the neighbor’s cat, and ran to the front door. I assumed that maybe their mama left them there so she could hunt for food. If that was the case, I didn’t want her to come back and find me messing with her babies. Being mauled by a raccoon is definitely not on my bucket list. Lessons were learned. My husband is deployed to Afghanistan, and when I had told him about this when it happened he couldn’t stop laughing. A lot of jokes get made about all the crazy things that happen whenever he has to go on military orders. This is our favorite deployment story ever!

  347. Happy birthday Lisa! Please get well soon and happy you’re kicking Covid’s ass!!!

    This Russian guy wishes you a happy birthday 😉 It’s an oldie but a goodie! Watching it always makes me laugh. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=E6tBdovAgO0

    Figured you would want some laughs, so I recommend a few slapstick British comedies like “Fawlty Towers” on Amazon prime and “Catastrophe” also on Amazon prime. “Fawlty Towers” is vintage classic John Cleese at his finest as he stars as an intolerably snide hotel manager who cluelessly manages his hotel, and “Catastrophe” is about a couple (American and Irish) who meet in London, have a hot fling and find out find soon after that they are pregnant. Hilarity and catastrophe ensue when they try to give being an instant family a go. There is also the reliably hilarious “Nailed it” baking show w/ Nicole Byer on Netflix that I guarantee will make you laugh your ass off! Enjoy!!!

  348. 351
    lisasrainbow

    Happy Birthday Lisa! Am i the only one that sees a mans profile (on the right side looking left) in todays drawing?

  349. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I have found that any of my childhood cartoons on DisneyPlus have been great to rewatch.
    Joke: How do you make Holy Water? You boil the Hell out of it.
    Something to read: https://almostheroes.blog/2020/03/04/barbed-wire/
    Have a wonderful day, and feel better soon!

    William J. Bagnall recently posted Everybody Loves a Clown, So Why Don’t You?.

  350. 353
    Anonymous

    IMG_0137.jpg

  351. Happy Birthday, Lisa! I’m currently binge watching “What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim?” On Hulu for the second time in as many weeks. It’s almost like live action manga with a terribly sweet romance, engaging actors, and an interesting look into Korean culture. 16 episodes, each over an hour long, so it’s an investment of time!

  352. 355
    debox4456

    Happy birthday, Lisa! Yesterday was my birthday, so I think we just need to pick a date a little further down the calendar and say that all of us who were quarantined on our birthday get a different day to celebrate. I think that’s how The Queen does it, and if it’s good enough for her, well, let’s do it!

  353. 356
    Emily Strickland

    Here is one of my favorite jokes:
    Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?
    He was too far out, man.

  354. 357
    Emily Strickland

    Here is one of my favorite jokes:
    Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?
    He was too far out, man.

    Happy birthday sister!

  355. Happy, happy birthday, Lisa!! Your sister loves you!

  356. Happy Birthday, Lisa! Hoping you are still on the mend and wishing you the very best day and a super-stellar year to come!

  357. 360
    Debbie Buckingham

    🌈🍰🎂🍾🎊 happy birthday!

  358. 361
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday Lisa, from Ottawa Ontario. MY happy is snowdrops& crocuses & cardinals & robins & chipmunks. Perhaps not too exciting where ever you live, but you are welcome to as much of my happy as you can stand. Much love, ellen

  359. Wishing you a happy birthday filled with love … from a distance 🙂
    In a bit of a good news story … my mom’s in a nursing home with dementia. the staff are amazing. When she was feeling a bit down today, a staff member called me on FaceTime and had me play some piano songs and chat with her to cheer her up. It worked for both of us! Hope you find lot of reasons to smile today!

  360. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
    I don’t have a joke but I saw a post on Facebook that was fun. A busty lady had heard that she could make a mask out of her bra. She found one that was new and held the cup up to her mouth and her whole faced disappeared! I think we should do a thread with women holding their bra up to their faces and seeing who we can see and who disappeared!

  361. 364
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday!!!

  362. 365
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! My favorite poem is Warning by Jenny Johnson. I have pasted it below. One day we all shall be old and wear purple!

    WARNING
    When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
    With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
    And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
    And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
    I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
    And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
    And run my stick along the public railings
    And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
    I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
    And pick the flowers in other peoples gardens
    And learn to spit.

    You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
    And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
    Or only bread and pickle for a week
    And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

    But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
    And pay our rent and not swear in the street
    And set a good example for the children.
    We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

    But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
    So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
    When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

    Jenny Joseph

  363. 366
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday! Get well soon! Shhhhh… listen… do you hear that? It’s me! Singing a birthday song to you all the way from Montana! I’m a little pitchy but my intent is genuine.

  364. Happy Birthday Lisa!!! I’m glad you’re feeling better. Just so you know, birthday celebrations ruined by Covid-19 get automatic do-overs. I don’t make the rules!! Much love to you!!

  365. Happy Birthday, Lisa! You have probably already done this, but if you haven’t watched “Fleabag” or “The Marvelous Ms. Maisel” on Amazon, you are really missing out. I’ve started watching “Dave” on Hulu, which may or may not be your thing, but everyone also seems to be really into that Tiger King show on Netflix. That’s all I got at this time. Happy Birthday Again!!!!

  366. 369
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! I waved and yelled hello to what I thought must be my Professors husband while she left her desk for a moment, turns out she has a twin sister with short hair and I probably won’t pass.

  367. 370
    ginagoettlmonge

    Happy birthday, Lisa! I’ve been loving Derry Girls. It’s hilarious!

  368. Happy Birthday, Lisa! If you feel up to reading short stories I would recommend Damon Runyon (who you can find on Project Gutenberg.) Also I saw that HBO is streaming a bunch of shows for free in April. I’ve heard Succession is good so I’m going to try that. I hope you continue to mend well and that you’re out of your sequestered room soon. Hang in there!

  369. 372
    Suzanne Schmitt

    Happy happy happy birthday, Lisa!!! I don’t have a good story or joke, but I hope you are feeling much better each day. ❤️🎂

  370. 373
    Anonymous

    Hi Lisa! Happy birthday and I hope you feel better soon.

    I have a joke (but it takes place at a funeral so it’s a bit of gallows humour)

    A man dies and his family holds the funeral. After all the family members have given their eulogies, a man stands up and asks the widow, “May I say a word?”

    She nods. He says, “Plethora” and sits back down.

    The widow wipes her eyes and says, “That means a lot.”

  371. Lisa,
    Happy birthday! I’m glad you’re here with us.

    I went out running and learned a few things. 1) Llamas are snobby. Every time I lifted my camera up, both lamas would turn their butts to me. It was rude. I ran by them a second time to give them a chance to make a better impression. They pretended they were statues. 2) Miniature donkeys, burros, asses, honestly I don’t know what they were are the opposite of Llamas. They saw me, ran towards the fence, and gave me a look that I interpreted to mean, “Oh hey, whatcha doin’? Are you dying? We could probably keep you company until the raptors pick your bones dry.”

  372. Many happy returns – glad you’re on the mend. Have some meerkats in a ball pit. https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10157117838481914&id=74598761913

  373. 376
    Shelley MacGregor

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! Stay away from herds of moths! Clearly Jenny hasn’t seen The Magicians. Watch Unorthodox – four episodes, great story!

  374. 377
    Auntie Dawn

    Happy Birthday Lisa! 😀

  375. 378
    Anonymous

    🎂🥂🧁🍰🌈💕💕😸

  376. Happy birthday, Lisa! Every day at 4 pm central my family joins a huge internet dance party with Mark Kanemura on Instagram live (@mkik808). He is so much fun and tells us every day how beautiful, perfect, and loved we are. It’s great for the soul, even if you don’t feel up to dancing quite yet. Feel better soon. ❤️

  377. 380
    Kimberlee Jones

    Happy Birthday Lisa!
    I highly recommend watching some Kristen Hampton Good News. Several videos on her Facebook page. Get better soon!

  378. 381
    Deborah Blackwell

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! Hope you continue to heal. Here are lyrics my music major son had to write for his (now) online course and I hope they’ll cheer you up!

    Decima (8 syllables):
    A: All this social isolation.
    B: The country’s really in a bind.
    B: Soon we will start to lose our mind.
    A: No one had the expectation.
    A: That there wouldn’t be vacation.
    C: Now the schools are in a panic.
    C: And with Zoom, it’s feeling manic.
    D: The weather starts to feel better.
    D: While at our homes we are fettered.
    C: You can still rewatch titanic.

    Deborah Blackwell (and Cullom)

  379. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA! You’ve survived the COVID-19 and deserve a treat. So here’s a quick funny story. One time my cat Dusty brought in a bird that we thought he had killed. Before I could get up to see the bird was flying around the house. I panicked and of course start Googling “How do I get a flying bird out of my house” my other cat Minuit jumped into the air off of a bannister and nabbled the bird. While Dusty sulked in the corner I let Minuit have her kill. And then I took my daughter to school. The end. Have a great birthday won’t you?

  380. 383
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday, Lisa! My son and husband are both 4/5 birthdays and celebrated their day with an awkward Zoom call with aunts, uncles and grandparents and a four layer lemon cake. Fourteen years ago today I was decorating a stage for the 5th grade musical I was supposed to be in charge of (Pirates of Penzance Jr) and clueless about what to do for my husband’s birthday. Instead of those plans, my son’s birth mother went into labor, so I hopped on a plane to Nashville and met a tiny, 6 pound little bundle that changed our lives forever. April 5th is forever an awesome day to be born, and to become a mom.

  381. Happy Birthday, Lisa! You’re one day closer to coming out of that room, and we’re all celebrating with you from our collective rooms. YAY!

  382. 385
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday to a fellow Aries! We are tough and if anyone tries to tell us differently, we are extra driven to prove them wrong.

  383. […] This entry was posted in more than meets the eye, Random Crap. Bookmark the permalink. […]

  384. Happy birthday, Lisa – I hope some things happen for you today that will be happy and/or funny memories in years to come. As for things that are good to binge, for me it would be (1) Fringe, (2) the Hunger Games, and (3) Dexter (we have a refrigerator magnet that says “What Would Dexter Do?”)

  385. Lisa,
    What kind of jokes are best for Covid 19 patients? INSIDE JOKES.
    Sorry, I’m sure you’ve heard it. But your sister has a tribes full of weirdos just wishing you HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

  386. Happy birthday, Lisa! On day 2 of the stay at home/schools closing here, I self isolated by backing into my garage door. Lack of sleep and plenty of anxiety. Also my mom has figured out FaceTime so I am now certain of the apocalypse. I say re-watch something like New Girl beginning to end or Parks & Rec.
    https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2020/04/04/quarantine-means/

  387. Happy Birthday. I don’t have anything funny to say to help you feel better, but I do have a rabbit that snores, and there really isn’t much cuter than a rabbit snoring. If you need something to make you smile, just think Of that.
    Feel better soon, and have a great birthday!

  388. Happy Birthday!! I’ve been feeling super overwhelmed and my dog picked up on it and has decided to cheer me up by laying on me every opportunity he gets. The moment I sit down, he is in my lap, on my foot, just some way being there. Animals are the best gift ever 🙂 I wish you the best gifts too!

  389. 392
    Anne Barringer

    A very happy birthingday to you Lisa. I was going to share a joke but Jenny cracked me up with the moth squad and now nothing seems good enough. May you continue to heal and get well and may you have all the fantabulous things life has to offer for this next year of life. 🎉✨💖✨💐🌈🌞🍀🎁🎂

  390. Happy Birthday from one Lisa to another. Our sisters have something in common – they both have amazingly awesome sisters! 😉

  391. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LISA!!! Here’s some doggie joy for you! https://www.instagram.com/p/B-cCKMgFlNS/?igshid=14osbmz2kcxjt

  392. 395
    jenine1012

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! I hope you are feeling better and hope you recover soon. Your sister loves you so much – it’s so apparent. 🙂

  393. Lisa, it’s your birthday… happy birthday Lisa… sung in a Bart Simpson and fake Michael Jackson voice

    I got you this Simpsons reference!! Enjoy!

  394. Happy Birthday Lisa!! My favorite thing to watch lately has been people who have tried to recreate Disneyland rides in their homes (Pirates of the Caribbean, Jungle Cruise, etc) highly recommend checking those out for a little boost

  395. Happy Birthday Lisa! Hope your day was super fantabulous… considering.
    🎂💜🎉

  396. 399
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa. Everytime I see a dog I yell “PUPPY” and have to show Scooter (my little plastic toy dog”. I have almost crashed my car several times holding Scooter up to the window so he can see better. Get well

  397. Australian artists offer free printable and activities.

    Ken Done
    https://www.kendone.com.au/about-resources.php

    Peter Cromer
    https://www.petecromer.com/product-category/products/printable/

    Surfing sloth
    https://surfingsloth.com.au/fun-stuff/190-colouring-pages-animals-are-colourful-people.html

    Also join the Facebook groups

    Rainbow trail Australia
    People chalking their drives and footpaths and front yards to make things more fun. Aimed at children.

    Bin isolation outing
    People dressing up to take their bins to the kerb
    Good for most ages. Small amounts of nudity- usually butts walking past

  398. Happy birthday Lisa!! We’re so glad you’re on the mend. 🙂
    Our current favorite funny binge is Kim’s Convenience (CBC) on Netflix. Awesomeness.

  399. Happy birthday, Lisa!, a few puns to make you smile
    What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
    A ( wait for it…) a MAYBE!!
    One more…..I lost my job at the bank on the very first day.
    A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.😁

  400. Happy Birthday!!!

  401. Happy birthday! My husbands favorite joke right now: Do you know why people needed so much toilet paper? Because every time someone coughs 20 people shit their pants.

    Gotta laugh. Feel better soon! Now you have antibodies!

  402. Happy Birthday, Lisa!
    What did the shoes say to the pants?
    What’s up, britches?!?
    Keep taking care of yourself and feeling better!!

  403. 406
    Anonymous

    Ok…my attempt at a joke….Two potatoes are standing on the corner, how do you know which one is the prostitute????

    The one stamped I-da-ho!

    Hope it made you giggle…happy Birthday

  404. Happy Birthday Lisa!! I love reading Sir Terry Pratchett when I need a pick me up, you might enjoy him.

  405. 408
    Anonymous

    Binge watch Impractical Jokers! Makes me laugh on really dark days.

  406. 409
    Maggi Shelbourn

    Happy Birthday Lisa!!! Hope you’re feeling better. 🦄❤️

  407. My happy birthday joke.
    What’s blue and not very heavy?
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA!!!!
    🎂 🎁

    LIGHT blue!!!!
    Hope you feel 100%better soon.

  408. Happy Birthday Lisa! I have a bunch of sisters and I bet every one of them would wish you the happiest and bestest Birthday ever if they could! Feel better soon!

  409. 412
    Anonymous

    I think you should dress up your taxidermies in party hats and send her a picture of one each hour!

  410. Happiest and loveliest of all Birthdays! Hope something amazing happens for you today!

  411. Happy Birthday Lisa!! I’m glad you’re feeling better!!

  412. 415
    Andrea Nelson

    “Hello? Is this the fire department?”

    “YES! WHAT IS YOUR EMERGENCY?”

    “Listen, my house is on fire! You’ve got to come right away! It’s terrible!”

    “OK…HOW DO WE GET TO YOUR HOUSE?”

    “You don’t have those big red trucks anymore?”

  413. Happy Birthday Lisa!

    Today my mom & I dug out her circa 1979 sewing machine (ironically called “Futura II”) and spent all afternoon trying to make masks from a pattern we found online. And they’re not half bad, so victory! The seams are a bit wonky, but as my mom pointed out, nobody in the grocery store is gonna notice crooked seams from 6 feet away. Anyway, it gave us a way to pass an afternoon, some laughter while we struggled because apparently neither of us can cut in a straight line & a weird sense of pride in our slightly misshapen, clearly homemade protective gear.

    Feel better!!!

  414. Binge-watch idea if you love baby hippos…I don’t know how I missed the enormity of this hippo birth 3 years ago, but I just discovered Fiona the hippo (via their YouTube videos)at the Cincinnati Zoo and binge watched all their short episodes of her premature birth and life thus far. She has made me happy and smiley in this ridiculously stressful world right now! I defy anyone to not adore her cuteness.

  415. Happy birthday, Lisa! I’m glad you’re feeling better! Hope you celebrate that AND your birthday with lots of cake. I’ve been rebelling against quarantine by NOT using my inside voice as much as possible!

  416. 419
    Anonymous

    HaPpY, hApPy BirTHdAy, Lisa. You’re getting closer to being better every moment.❤️

  417. My niece shared a joke via Facebook live. It was so good to see her and my brother!

    Anyway- what do you call an alligator detective?

    An investi-GATOR.

    Feel better Lisa. Happy birthday.

  418. Happy Birthday Lisa! I am going around my house doing chores and every time I see my hubbie, I tell him “alright all you cool cats and kittens!” (Binge watch that show!!) Now, I’m not sure if he should be afraid or not 🤷, but I don’t have a wood chipper, so he should be safe!

  419. 422
    Anonymous

    Happy Lisa birthday! Awwww shit….

  420. 423
    Meghan Scarlato

    Today I took my 40-year-old self to the drive through daiquiri place. (On a Sunday— yay south Louisiana!) The lady working there said, “you’re over 21, right?” Yes. Yes, I am. Bestie.

    Also, Lucifer on Netflix. You won’t be sorry.

    Happy birthday!!!

  421. Lisa!!!

    Happy birthday!!!

    The IT Crowd is a fave show for a laugh. And if you love that, check out Richard Ayoade’s show Travel Man. It’s brilliant.

    Not my joke, but heard or spotted somewhere:
    A store was carrying Batman shampoo but they really missed the mark on not pairing it with Conditioner Gordon.

  422. Happy birthday Lisa! I accidentally found “Irish People Eating Canadian Snacks” on YouTube. I don’t know if it’s because I am Canadian and knew the snacks but the joy they were having trying them was a much needed guffaw today. Check it out and maybe you will guffaw too.

  423. 426
    Anonymous

    Since I can never remember jokes for more than a day, here’s one I read this morning:

    A linguist died. A colleague approached his wife at the funeral and asked if her could say a word and she said yes. He stepped up to the dais and said “plethora.” The wife said, “That means a lot.”

  424. 427
    Sherry Silguero

    Happy Birthday, Lisa!! This made me lose it earlier, in a good way. Hopefully it makes you giggle as well 😉😏
    https://www.instagram.com/p/B-nbslTFpNy/?igshid=lk18w48zixnj

  425. 428
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday,Lisa!🎂🎉🤪

  426. 429
    Kelly A Johnson

    Happy Birthday! I’m glad you are starting to recover from that nastiness that likes to pretend to be just a cold and then becomes a mother fucking death punch. I feel like it needs a special, unique, terrible, awful name.

    I am bad at funny, but I do have a puppy who loves everybody and everything. She would gives you 10,000 puppy kisses in about a minute, quarantine or not.

  427. 430
    Skyweaver

    Hi Lisa! Fellow COVID survivor here. I’m finally feeling human after three weeks. Still a ways to go but me (and husband and daughter who also got sick) were luckier than a lot of people. I don’t have a funny story but I have noticed our normally standoffish cat has been extra sweet the past three week. She literally makes rounds, first checking on one, then going to the other two. It’s very touching and she purrs a lot and rubs her face on us to say hi I love you. She will go back to being apathetic about our existence at some point, I feel sure. For now it’s like having a tiny fuzzy nurse checking in on us about five times a day. She cheers us up when we see her coming. Cheers and hope you continue to improve!

  428. Happy Birthday! I give you glad tidings of good successes with our new dog, Tali Zorah vas Williamsburg. She’s learning how to walk on a leash without pulling!

  429. Happy Birthday Lisa!!! Here is a birthday joke for you: what do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

  430. Happy Birthday!

    Here’s a fun story for you. I was watching the Letter for the King with my husband. There’s this magical horse this kid ends up riding and I joke that maybe it’s actually a person in horse form bc magic. His response was. “Don’t be ridiculous. There are obviously two people in there.” I died.

  431. Happy Birthday, Lisa!!! The National Theatre in London is doing free streaming of one show every week while this is all happening and theatres are closed, and the first one is “One Man, Two Guvnors” — https://www.youtube.com/user/ntdiscovertheatre — which will be available through the 9th, and I watched it last night and it is SO FUNNY, so if it doesn’t hurt your lungs too much to laugh, I recommend it. Also, the wonderful people who do the UK Taskmaster series are putting it up — legally, not all bootlegged and sketchy — weekly on youtube, and they’re up to the 2nd episode of the 5th series. I cannot recommend watching it all enough (4th series is the best, in my opinion, but they are all gold). Sending you all the goodest good vibes!

  432. Happy birthday Lisa! I have been enjoying Vox Tox on YouTube, it’s 10 minutes a day of Sandi Toksvig sharing her love of books from lock down, and sending the world daily virtual hugs

  433. Happy birthday Lisa! Have you watched Love is Blind yet? If not, you must! It will totally lift your spirits and distract you. Get well soon!

  434. 437
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! Just wanted to say that you’ve got this. All of it. No stinky virus or boring and lonely isolation has a chance against you. How do I know that? You share Jenny’s magic dust. That shit is some powerful mojo. And you’ve got it. Use it as a superhero cape, sprinkle it around you in a circle and dance in it. Or just blow some on your pillow for peaceful, refreshing rest. Also, we are here for you too.

  435. 438
    Jill M Knowles

    Happy birthday Lisa!!
    If you are looking for something fun to binge watch, I recommend the Miss Fisher Murder Mysteries. It’s an Australian series set in 1928. It is a great deal of fun and the clothing is fabulous!
    I also love Curiosity Stream website. For $20 a year you can watch amazing documentaries.

  436. 439
    Anonymous

    Today is the best day for a birthday! It’s mine as well. Big smiles all around!

  437. We Bare Bears on Netflix.
    That is all.

  438. I was out for a walk today and saw “Free Unicorn Selfies This Way” written in colorful chalk on the sidewalk. I followed the arrows around the block and came to a house with a giant inflatable unicorn in the front yard (white with a rainbow tail and horn). The arrows led up their front walk to a spot where people could pose in front of the unicorn to take a selfie. They had bunches of balloons tied to their fence with a sign inviting people to take one, too.
    People in the neighborhood have been putting teddy bears in their windows so kids can go on a bear hunt when they’re out for walks. These folks have raised the bar. I’m kind of hoping things escalate… 🙂
    Happy Birthday, Lisa! I’m SO glad you’re feelling better!

  439. Happy birthday, Lisa! I have this little pixie of a 3 year old niece. She looks so sweet. Today Baby Got Back came on iTunes shuffle. For the rest of the day, we would randomly hear this sweet voice singing “Oh. My. Gosh. Look at her butt!” 😳

  440. 443
    Sarah Jane

    Happy birthday, Lisa! When I was student teaching, living in a shitty little apartment all alone and far from home I turned the Microsoft assistant (yep, the paperclip) into its alternate form, the yellow kitty. I did speak to the kitty and tear up occasionally when it would “prrrow?” at me for attention. Maybe there’s a digipet app equivalent? That kitty saved my life, man. Hope you feel better each day!

  441. 444
    Kimberly Collins

    This is my favorite riddle of all-time! Keep in mind that my Kindergarteners crack up at this one! 🙂 How do you make a tissue dance? Think about this one. Happy Birthday, Lisa!!! The answer: you put a little boogie in it. Hahahahahahaha!!!

  442. Happy Birthday Lisa.

    My happy watching is Good Omens currently.

    Hope you feel much better soon.

  443. 446
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday, Lisa! A neighborhood cat likes to play peekaboo with my car through our screen door, started about a week ago. Then yesterday I was unloading groceries out of my truck and I couldn’t see where Peekaboo went. She was in my truck! She let me pet her and she was as soft and affectionate as she looked. It made my week. Hope you have a great day.

  444. 447
    Anonymous

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Lisa!!!

    A small joke for you:

    What do you call a alligator who’s a detective?

    An investigator!

    What can I say I teach elementary school.

  445. Happy Birthday Lisa. Hope you are all better soon.

  446. All the best on your Birthday Lisa – in te reo Maori (Aoteroa/NZ – where I am =Haere o te ra whenua, e hoa Lisa! Or greetings on the day /ra/ of your birth/whenua, e hoa= friend.

  447. 450
    Maureen Johnson

    I am a teacher and my students are constantly amusing me with their answers. Here are some of my favorites from this semester:

    I give my student’s practice tests to do at home. They take the test in ink and then correct themselves with red pen. My student crossed his name off and rewrote it. Then, he left me this note: “Yes. I know. I spelled my name wrong. Oops.”

    Question: Why does the government regulate chemicals that could be possible mutagens?
    Answer: The government makes laws about the use of mutagen chemicals because mutagens typically harm people, and there are laws already in place that prevent such a crime, which is known as mutagenic homicide.

    Question: How do Scientists use models?
    Answer: This model may be useful for people that have not seen this building before and can say, “Hey, this is a nice model! What is the name of this model in real life?” and then Google it and when it come up, Bam! You already know what building this is!

  448. 451
    Robert A Casas

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA!!!

  449. 452
    Anonymous

    Dear Lisa, for your bithday I took all my old watches and made a belt. But it was a waist of time. Happy birthday!

  450. 453
    Carrot stix cottage

    HAPPY,HAPPY BIRTHDAY lisa.
    We are sending you love and so glad to hear you are feeling even a little better. We baked you your favorite (virtual ) cake and lit some sparklers and are singing happy birthday to you! My virtual gift is:
    I highly recommend “the chateau diaries ” on YouTube. Steph is fun and uplifting, even the quarantine ones!

  451. Happy Birthday, Lisa. Here is my favorite kid joke.

    What did the zero say to the eight?

    Nice belt!

  452. 455
    Melissa D.

    Happy birthday, Lisa! The good news in my world is that a dear friend who has tried to get pregnant for years finally delivered a healthy baby girl. She was a little early but after a few days in the NICU, they are home safe and sound. Hope you are feeling better soon!

  453. We have been watching The Repair Shop on Netflix (we wish there were more seasons there). My husband loves the craftsmanship, I love the reveal, and we both love that it is so gentle and hopeful (things that are destroyed, leave completely repaired/renewed). It is very comforting at this point when every day our mayor gives us more bad news and tighter restrictions. . . .I also really liked the stranger, it’s less light though.

  454. Happy birthday Lisa! Today is my birthday too. It’s not the most exciting one I’ve ever had, but it’s also not the worst, and when I remembered which one was the worst I actually laughed out loud because it was so bad and I’m in such a better place that it made me happy. I hope you’re feeling better soon!

  455. My friends and I did Netflixparty.com for arrested development and tiger king and it was pretty awesome, if you have the strength to type.

  456. 459
    Niki Cooper

    Hey Lisa, love your part in Jenny’s stories, you sound like a strong amazing woman. Today is also my Uncle Chuck’s birthday so I’m sending you hugs and good vibes.

    We’re pulling for you girl

  457. My grandson’s (8 and 10) were having a conversation. The ten year old said, Okay, you’re on a ship in the middle of the ocean. You’re attacked by pirates and they kill your crew and sink your ship. You escape by yourself in a little row boat. Now you’re alone in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight. You have enough food for three days and your arm was injured in the attack. What do you do?
    Eight year old: Kill myself.
    😂Just know you’re not in a row boat in the middle of the ocean! Happy birthday and speedy recovery! 💕

  458. Happy Birthday Lisa! I am glad that you are getting better!

    I don’t have any jokes to tell you, but Jenny mentioned moths. When I was a little kid, I heard somewhere (probably my parents) that moths ate clothes. Well in my little innocent mind, I thought that since they ate clothes, the also ate the people who were wearing the clothes! Needless to say, I was terrified of moths!

    So one summer my parents rented one of those VW camper vans with the pop-up top, and we drove from wherever we were living in Alberta Canada at the time over to Vancouver Island in BC. One night we were stopped at a campground, when a moth got in! I screamed and cried and totally freaked out! EVERYONE laughed and laughed, except me. It wasn’t funny then, but I think that it is funny now! And I love moths now.

    Oh, on the same trip, my little brother asked my dad what smoking was like. Being that it was back in the 70s (Smoking allowed everywhere, driving with your kid in your lap, no seatbelts, etc.), my dad lights up a cigarette and gives it to my brother, who proceeds to take a huge inhalation! It was not pretty! And he is now a smoker! Gotta love the 70s!
    🙂

  459. Happy birthday, Lisa! Glad to hear you’re feeling better!

  460. Happy Birthday Miss!!! So glad your on the mend!! My kiddo also has an April birthday (sweet sixteen in quarantine! She tried to trade mark it and then found somebodies already made t-shirts LOL). Anyway, here is a birthday joke for you.
    Question: what happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
    Answer: You can have your cake and eat it too!!
    I know groan..continue to get better Miss, people love and need you 🙂
    Peace

  461. Happy birthday! My friend’s spouse mistook Lysol wipes for baby wipes when he was using the toilet. If the image of a grown man yelling in horror/pain while sitting on the toilet doesn’t make you laugh, I don’t know what will.

    Clare S recently posted A bag of sugar on my chest.

  462. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I recommend Carol Burnett Show Official youtube channel.
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCry6nxAo2tfVyO6lEboiU3w

  463. Happy birthday Lisa!

    Here is a really silly joke from Itzhak Perlman: https://twitter.com/perlmanofficial/status/1246124154002247689?s=21

  464. Happy birthday, Lisa! When I wore my new mask today to the grocery store, I made up a story in my head that I was about to commit a stick up. Cuz somehow me doing hard time instead of actual coronavirus seemed a small price to pay for humanity.

  465. Happy birthday Lisa! Today I saw wild parrots on the river and a wild armadillo in a field. Get all better!

  466. Happy birthday Lisa, my birthday twin! This was definitely not how I expected to celebrate my 45th, but I got to celebrate with hubby and my kiddos and I am grateful for them. Wishing you many more years of health, joy, and happiness, and we can make up for it next year in style. Happy birthday!

  467. 470
    Sharon Bower

    Happy birthday, Lisa! My favorite streaming at the moment is British sitcoms. We’re in the middle of The Vicar of Dibley, but mixing it up with Last of the Summer Wine, which has, like, 30 seasons, so you have many hours to appreciate rural Yorkshire accents, gorgeous scenery, and British fashions from the mid-70s to the millennium!

  468. Another Year of Awesome, Lisa!!! Happy Birthday 🎊🎂🎈

  469. Happy Birthday Lisa! If you have Hulu check Better Off Ted. It’s a wonderful satiric comedy that only lasted 2 seasons on ABC, but it was one of the best things that’s ever been on TV. Enjoy!

  470. 473
    Carrie Pandya

    Happy Birthday, Lisa!!!
    I have a sweet story for you that one of my neighbors posted on Nextdoor.
    My husband and I decided to take a walk along the creek trail. We thought we were the only ones out there because it was so quiet and lovely. As we rounded a corner and we saw a younger couple walking their dog. They graciously stepped off the trail to let us pass without getting too close to one another. As we passed the couple, the young man said, “This is how saying that I love you. Stay well.” and the couple gave us a smile.
    I don’t know who you are, but I hope you read this. We love you too.

    I hope this story brings a smile. It certainly helped restore my faith in humanity.

    Wishing you wellness.

  471. Our local bakery posted about a nice lady at the low income senior apartments in town who had contacted them saying that the seniors couldn’t get out and were having trouble getting food in, so wanted to see if the bakery could help. They’ve been taking meals up there three times a week. People in town who read about asked to help, a fund was started, and now the bakery is going to be taking hot food five days a week to several different senior buildings, and enlisting other restaurants to make sure everyone gets fed. People are good.

  472. Hi, Lisa!

    I am suddenly accidentally running a homeschool for my 3 and 5 year old daughters. We have adopted as our mascot the potoo griffin, which is (of course) the head of a potoo bird with the body of a lion. You can look it up online as “potoophon”. It is quite badass. The official team name is the Strenuously Negotiating Potoo Griffins, because my daughters do not have great fighting skills but MAN they can negotiate. In honor of your birthday, you can sing yourself the official School Non-Fight Song, which goes as follows:

    Take us home from this ballgame,
    Let’s social distance this crowd;
    Our favorite strategy’s camouflage,
    We prefer art or some nice decoupage!
    So let’s root, root, root to go home now,
    If we stay we’ll be blue,
    So it’s flap, squawk, homeward we go
    For the Strenuously Negotiating Potoo!

    I apologize if it gets stuck in your head. It’s super catchy. Anyway, hope the idea of two tiny potoo griffins gives you a grin, and if I recall you are good at wearing mascot costumes, so when you feel better call me about a job.

  473. Happy birthday!!

  474. Lisa – it is my birthday too today! And have I got something special to share with you. One of my favorite bands, Birds of Chicago, streamed a show from their living room tonight, and they sang happy birthday to me because I commented on their FB show announcement that I was so excited they were playing on my birthday. So, if you go here

    04 you can hear them sing happy birthday. And Maud is just my FB name, not my real name, so you can be Maud too today and get sung to by a trio of angels.

  475. Happy Birthday, Lisa! So glad you are on the mend. I’ve spend the last 3 weeks organizing a life’s worth of pictures and videos. I could only watch the videos on the original camcorder with a battery I had to charge every 5.minutes, but it got me through to the last tape. And it was a video of my Dad. I felt so blessed by seeing his actions and hearing his voice. I hope that your day was full of happy moments like that. Best wishes for a healthy recovery!

  476. 479
    Janice Martin

    Happy Birthday Lisa!!!!

  477. Today is my mom’s birthday and her name is also Lisa! What a crazy coincidence!! It’s not a joke or happy story but I hope it helps. I love your books! Tell your sister happy birthday!
    – Lilli S

  478. 481
    Tiffany M.

    Happiest Birthday wishes Lisa,from the Mitchell family in Kansas! Get well soon!

  479. Happy Birthday Lisa!! Here’s the best of the borscht belt for ya…….

    Who knew it would take a plague to cancel Passover this year!! Badam Bum!!!

    Oh, my husband, he’s a bad cook. I mean bad. They say coronavirus can live on metal for three days. On his meat loaf, ten minutes.

    He’s such a bad cook, when our dog gets fed he tells ME not to beg.

    I know I got coronavirus. I was asking for it. I had no choice. They were out of DosEquisVirus.

    And masks. You wearing the masks? My husband’s so worried about me getting the virus he makes me wear that mask everywhere. And I mean everywhere, not just during sex.

    The doctor told us to self-quarantine, someplace with complete isolation. No human contact of any kind. My husband and I have been in bed for two weeks.

    Sex. Who am I kidding? I never have sex. The first time I heard about social distancing was my wedding night.

    That’s my problem, I got the wrong doctor. You know my doctor, Dr. Vinny Voombatz. I said “Doc, I think my husband’s got the Coronavirus. Last night in bed he was light headed, breathing heavy, and hot.” He said, “Send him over to my place, I want MY husband to get it.”

    XOXOXO XStacydesign

  480. Happy Birthday Lisa! From a complete stranger, but one who is sending love. May this be a birthday you remember at all of you wonderful birthdays to come!

  481. I know a couple of Lisas,
    And they all deserve big hugs and squeezes,
    I don’t know your sister,
    But I know you have missed her,
    And I hope she is well soon, lawd Jesus!

  482. Happy Birthday Lisa!
    When you get out of isolation, you will find the world is totally different. People will be walking around in public with bras on their face. Not the whole thing. Just one boob. Maybe without the lace, definitely without those evil hooks. You would think engineers could figure out something better than those hooks. Anyway, you will venture out into the world and see all the bra covered faces and I just find that disturbing. Just like I find the ladies dainties section smack dab in the middle of the store, towards the front, disturbing. As if I walk by and some polka-dot dainties strike my fancy and I toss them into the cart. Like they are chocolate or something.
    So, it is a totally awful way to celebrate your birthday. But the good news is you are not missing much on the outside.
    Get better soon and Happy Birthday

  483. Happy birthday Lisa! Here is a dad joke for you:
    What kind of animal do you never want to play cards with?
    A Cheetah!

  484. 487
    Jo Annette Self

    Happy, happy, happy birthday, Lisa. It sucks that you are sick and separated even from your shelter in place peeps, but we are here with you in spirit, sending laughter and love. And A link to my favorite cat meme.

    https://i.pinimg.com/originals/1c/4a/7e/1c4a7eee8b785d42aaab8dd4aa30c9c8.jpg

  485. Happy Birthday, Lisa!

    I hope you feel much better in the morning. Please rest and heal and know that there are a lot of us out here wishing you the best and hoping you find laughter and good memories today! 💗🎂🍨🎁🎈🎉

  486. Happy Birthday Lisa! Despite all this craziness, I got to spend a lovely hour with one of my daughters today playing silly made up games in the back yard. She and her twin sister are high school seniors and generally are in dance rehearsals all day on the weekends. They plan to attend college in another state in the fall, so I am trying to take every extra moment I get to enjoy their company. I do my best each day to quell my worries about what the future holds with the wonder of what it can bring and the happiness I get from being with the ones I love. I wish you a speedy and strong recovery with much time with all of your loved ones.

  487. Happy Birthday!

    QI on Amazon.

  488. Happy Birthday 🎉🎂🎈

  489. The original Oregon trail is available online, for free, to play- type in google search “the original Oregon trail” – and you should see the option for a site called ‘Classic Reload’. You need to click a ‘virtual disk’ halfway through as if you are flipping over an album for side b. When I’m broke and have no TV it is a great distraction. I think they have other old games, also. Feel better soon.

  490. Happy Birthday, Lisa! Hope you continue to feel better!

  491. Happy birthday Lisa! Here is the first joke I ever learned ( I was 8.)
    What is a tornado? Mother Nature doing the twist.
    Have a very good year and get better soon.

  492. 495
    Jessie Hansen

    Jenny I am broken. I’m broken beyond saving. I don’t think I can go on.

  493. 496
    Panamaveggie

    Hi Lisa, here’s what we think the first day out of quarantine will look like…lots to look forward to! Be well, pulling for you! https://photos.app.goo.gl/uzZhvtL2Z7mVjR6X6

  494. Happy Birthday, Lisa! If you are feeling up for a crazy wild anti superhero binge, check out The Boys on Amazon Prime. I hope you have a great birthday week!
    /Holly

  495. Happy Birthday Lisa! Little late but still time… When I need a laugh I Google Tim Conway’s elephant story. Works every time. Also, please hurry up Jolene.

  496. Happy Birthday 😊
    We found a decapitated pigeon in the garden first thing on Friday morning. That’s the second decapitated pigeon I’ve seen recently in the surrounding areas. No sign of the head. I imagine some deranged cat with a butcher’s knife and a necklace of pigeon skulls. Of course that’s ridiculous because an actual cat couldn’t hold a knife It would have to be a cartoon cat. They have hands that can hold things.

    Edie was very interested in the dead bird so I decided it was best to wrestle the torso into a poo bag. That put me off my breakfast. Not that I was having pigeon or anything decapitated but still.

    On Saturday we went for a long walk – just over two hours. I figure that’s ok as long as you don’t go home in between. It’s a bit like an Ibiza nightclub – if you leave you can’t get back in unless you pay an extortionate amount for a ticket – or in this case pay a fine, which is of course quite right.

    We meandered our way round the park near our flat. I say meander but I did jog for a bit as Edie chased her ball. I have decided that once this whole things is over I’m going to be trim and all muscles like Sarah Connor in Terminator when she’s been sectioned and stabs that guy with a biro. I’ve always wanted to do that. Not to just anyone obviously; they would have to be a real bastard. I’ve not fully committed to the jogging whilst on our walks. I did contemplate wearing my gym gear but I figure if I wear jeans then I don’t look like I should be running when I’m actually too out of breath to do so.

    Coming up to Victoria Park (I”d mention Westburn park but there was really nothing much interesting happening there) I could hear someone shouting. On a bench at the entrance sat two guys. One looked like the tall Chuckle Brother – he was the one with the loud voice. It just seemed to be the way he spoke – shouting. The other guy was shorter, wore a wool herringbone coat and a flat cap. Looked like he could’ve been a detective from an American TV show. Between them was an enormous suitcase.

    “Oh Polish you look good in mustard”, said the short guy looking at me. I was confused and then realised I had a mustard-coloured hat on. “If you were my mustard I’d spread you on my hotdog”.

    I had to laugh because it was just so random although I did comment that it was very specific which prompted him to remark that I wasn’t Polish after all. They were clearly inebriated and whilst I don’t judge anyone for that the short guy gave off a bit of a mildly threatening presence. I clocked that there was a pair of crutches leaning against the suitcase and felt a bit safer but picked up my pace and didn’t look back.

    On the other side of the park I could hear the trundle of a suitcase and sure enough there was the Chuckle Brother dragging the suitcase and Columbo following closely behind on his sticks. All through the park Chuckle Brother was shouting at his mate, telling him, “You are the most fucking annoying person in the fucking world” as everyone cleared a path to their exit as if they were on some biblical journey or about to slay a mythical beast instead of being two drunk guys.

    My pal Holly appeared in the park and I said, thank god you’re here. Told her about the two drunk guys who were almost out of the park and she said, “is that them?” as she nodded over to another two guys. I said that they were just a couple of harmless guys having a picnic. “With a bottle of vodka?”, she said. Ah, I hadn’t noticed that. I really must pay more attention to what’s going on.

  497. Happy Birthday Lisa!
    Some lovely things that happened recently…
    My little sister randomly gave me $20
    Upon learning of some rough stuff in my personal life, one of my employees bought me a book, and another employee picked up a sweet card and some makeup (this was shortly before starting to shelter in place in my state)
    One of my cats “helps” wake me up every morning by loudly meowing at my door as soon as he hears any signs of me waking up (including blowing my nose in the wee hours, my alarm clock going off, etc).
    I hope you feel celebrated today!

  498. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LISA!! 🎂🎉 I hope that you get well soon!!

  499. I’m a little late but Happy Birthday Lisa! I don’t really have anything to share. The spider friend that sleep above my bed seems pretty content these days so… there’s that!

  500. 503
    Ariana Fillips

    Happy Birthday Lisa! You share your birthday with my friend who lives far away and I haven’t seen in at least 8 years. He was an unlikely friend, as he went to my college rival’s college (did you follow!?!).

    Are you a nerd like me? Did you know your birthday is First Contact Day? In Star Trek, on this date in the 2063, Zephram Cochran meets (met?) Vulcans for the first time. If you’ve never seen Star Trek: First Contact, it’s on Amazon Prime. You could totally watch it while you’re in isolation. It is probably my favorite of all the Star Trek movies. I believe there are 13 movies, so that’s a high compliment!

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

  501. Happy Birthday, Lisa!! Have you binge watched Lucifer yet? It’s still your birthday in California 💝💝💝 sisters are the best people to strangle with hugs. xoxoxox

  502. Happy birthday Lisa. Stay strong and this horrible time will pass for you. My recipe for happiness is a chocolate Easter egg, a cheeseboard selection with chutney, beer and a nice dvd box set!

  503. Hi, Lisa…hope your birthday was made happier by all of the good wishes and silly jokes. Congratulations on your cistern water strengthened immune system beating this thing🎉 Wishing you a proper celebration after all of the contagion craziness is over🎈🎂🎈
    I’m only awake because my lingering Covid cough and “rice crispie breathing” (every exhale sounds like rice crispies crackling in milk) shattered my sleep. Also, I’m now sleepless wondering why my cat is such a slacker and hasn’t been decimating the moth population in my house.

  504. Happy birthday Lisa! So glad you’re inching your way back to health. We’re mentally sending you a piece of the chocolate cake my Haley-aged daughter just made. Please gently blow out the candles and make a wish! 💝🎉🎁

  505. 508
    58chilihed13

    Wubbulous wishes for a grand birthday for you! I am 64, I work as a hospital housekeeper, today I am wearing a Captain America cape and my Captain America socks (along with all my PPE). Yesterday, on my day off, I wore a red hooded cape/cloak and my large giraffe head mask and walked down the road to pick up my mom’s post to mail it for her. I encountered several folks from more than 6 feet away and we celebrated just being out in the sunshine and smiles. There was an amazing Coopers Hawk riding the thermals above, there was a pair nesting in that area last year, it appears they are returning! So is the Barred Owl pair I stalked all last summer oohing and ahhing and taking pictures of them and their fluffy off spring! I am pleased to hear you are recovering, that is a grand blessing. Please do continue!! Have a great birthday!

  506. Happy Birthday Lisa! This year, why not consider leaning into full Miss Havisham mode – fancy dress, everything covered in dust, years-old birthday cake… lurk behind the curtains and freak out your neighbors!

  507. Happy Birthday, Lisa. Why did the cat knock the vase off of the table? Because the microwave was too heavy. pollymorse.blog if you like cats.I find they can be funny and soothing. Prayers to you to get well faster than ever.

  508. 511
    Anonymous

    I made a thing for my own sister which also matches my mood right now – https://www.instagram.com/p/B-UryszAjqw/?igshid=12t9ya1l8v725 and https://www.instagram.com/p/B-UryszAjqw/?igshid=12t9ya1l8v725

    Cheers me up anyway 🙂

  509. Happy Birthday Lisa!! Wishing you a speedy recovery.

  510. Happy Birthday, Lisa!

    I’m sorry your birthday is happening amidst such chaos but I feel like once this crap all blows over and you’re well, you’re entitled to some kind of really extravagant shindig as compensation. We’re all looking forward to pics!

    💗🦄🍾🍰🎉

  511. What does a turtle do for its birthday? It shellebrates! Happy Birthday Lisa! I hope you’re feeling better and have a fun time shellebrating your birthday!

  512. Happy, happy day Lisa! I’m planning to start season 4 of “Kim’s Convenience” on Netflix!

  513. 517
    Anonymous

    two men are walking by a dog who is licking himself. One says, “I wish I could do that.” The other answers, “You could try but you might get bit!”

  514. 518
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa!

    In honour of it being so close to Easter (Look away if this will offend! And it’s better told in person…)
    Q: Why was Jesus so popular with the ladies?
    A: (spread your arms wide apart) Because he was hung like this! (insert cheesy drum crash)

  515. 521
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday Lisa. Try podcast Wolf 359; a mixture of silly and scary. There’s loads of it. Hope you are allowed out soon and that you return to full health https://www.wolf359.fm/ xxx

  516. Happy Birthday, Lisa! On my nephew’s 7th birthday I took him out for burgers and fries. The waitress asked how he’d like his burger done. He paused, she asked, “Medium?” and he replied, “No, LARGE.” 😉

  517. 523
    Mary Mattioni

    Happy Birthday Lisa. So happy you are feeling better. Today is my birthday, such that it is.

  518. Happy birthday!
    Short story time: yesterday at the request of my 7 year old we made smores in the oven, we put some of those”unicorn” chocolate chips on half the Graham crackers and marshmallows on the other. Top shelf under the broiler on high. What felt like a minute later and I realize that the contents of my pan are on fire. A quick expletives toss into the sink and water on and it’s out. My oven isn’t on fire, which is a win. I wish have 7 year old open our slider while I grab a fan from my bedroom because I really don’t want to set off the smoke detectors (we live in apartments) cue the end of whatever nap my husband thought he was going to take, and my toddler definitely won’t nap now.
    Life is an adventure of little things that can feel very big. I hope you have many adventures that result in good stories.

  519. Happy birthday Lisa!!!!

  520. Happy birthday, Lisa! Wishing you a speedy recovery so you can be back with your family!

    My goofiest joke: why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four, it would be a sedan! (I’m sorry! But I hope it made you laugh!)

  521. AAAAHHHHH MOTHS! Happy Birthday Lisa. Personally, I hope your day is moth free.

  522. 528
    Karrie Comatas

    Happy Birthday Lisa!!! You totally get a do-over and should celebrate when this mess is handled. I had my first zoom happy hour with some friends last night and it was so nice- miss my peeps so much. At least there are things we can do to make this less sucky. Big hugs to you!!!

  523. Happy birthday Lisa! We got baby chicks last week and they are growing, I’m so exited. Their names are Pot pie, Nugget, Tori (short for chicken cacciatore), and Chicken (named after Tuffnut’s chicken in the how to train your dragon series) I’ll post a photo on the Facebook. They like to jump off the perch and scare the chicken poop out of each other.

  524. 530
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa! For your nth birthday, I give you well wishes / prayers for a speedy recovery and the world’s worst joke: What is homicidal and lives in the sea?….Jack the Kipper

  525. 531
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday, Lisa!

    My 18 year old daughter was talking about people who can hear voices no one else hears. She said, “I think they are called side kicks,” I said, “do you mean psychics?” She said, “no mom, I am sure it is side kicks.” She is our future!

  526. 532
    Michelle from Florida

    Happy Birthday, Lisa. And many more.
    Not a funny story, just the thought of the day:
    Doing nothing is hard! You never know when you’re done.

  527. Happy Birthday, Lisa! Aren’t you glad that some years and nine months ago, your parents had sex?! 🙂

  528. 534
    Anonymous

    Happy belated birthday! If you’re looking for things to binge watch on Netflix I recommend:
    Dead to me
    Supernatural (Even if you’ve seen every episode three times like me they’re still relevant)
    Atypical
    The chilling adventures of Sabrina
    Also recently binged Russian doll but you have to like Natasha Leone to like it

  529. The 5th is my birthday, too. Dear Lisa, my birthday twin, happy birthday!

  530. At one point in my life I didn’t know firefighters wear boots called wellingtons, or wellies for short, and that in some places they’ll raise money by parking on the side of the road and standing there holding their boots while drivers slow down and put in cash.
    So, one day I was on a road trip with some friends, half dozing in the back seat, and one of them says, “Oh look, the firemen have their wellies out.” I thought they’d said “willies” sat up rather abruptly and yelled, “What?!!!” Yeah, no naked firefighters that day.

  531. Happy birthday Lisa!

  532. Happy Birthday!
    Meet Pluto, the talking dog. Everytime I watch one of her videos I’m on the floor laughing. Enjoy!https://www.facebook.com/PlutoLiving/videos/656149098518375/

  533. Happy Birthday, Lisa! My birthday was Saturday so it’s nice to know there is another quarantined Aries out there wishing for buttercream icing. My husband washed my car but somehow that’s not the same. I am grateful you are feeling better.

  534. Happy Birthday to you! We really enjoyed Friends from College. I think it on Netflix or Prime. And American Gods is good too!

  535. Happy birthday! My birthday was March 30th and on March 29th I broke my arm when I fell off a ladder while painting my daughter’s bedroom. So I was sequestered and in pain for my birthday. But then we had a baby born in the family and I was very happy! Sometimes when it all seems bad, something fabulous happens! I hope something nice happens to you today.

  536. Get well soon, Lisa. Enjoy the cat show. I know I did. https://twitter.com/AboWoofers/status/1245088844376084488

  537. 543
    Victoria Hart

    Happy belated Birthday Lisa; so glad you are on the mend. I found a quirky sitcom to binge watch called Bless this Mess. It’s silly and oddly uplifting!

  538. 544
    terriwelch62

    The latest thing that touched me was the zoom binning of Hamilton performers on John Krasinksi’s SGN show. Happy birthday!

  539. Happy Birthday! Today a work meeting was delayed because my co-worker’s Mom was using her Zoom link to host grandma school for her kids <3

  540. 546
    tabitha0919

    I like the way your medication thinks.

    Keep kicking that zombie virus’s ass. And happy birthday!!

  541. 547
    Heather Feather

    Dear Lisa,
    Happy Birthday! My brother’s birthday is this week. We can’t find toilet paper to send him, because that stuff is worth more than it’s weight in gold right now, so I sent him chocolate covered bacon. Yup, that’s right, Amazon has chocolate bacon but no toilet paper. Maybe next year I’ll give him toilet paper, and we can look back on 2020 as a lost year. That’s it! 2020 doesn’t count, it’ll be like the 13th floor in a building, it won’t exist! You can skip this year, and next year you’ll be the same age you are now. A Bronx Zoo tiger is in quarantine for covid-29 and so are her pals (also tigers) that she infected, so you could be her virus quarantine buddy.

    Dear Jenny,
    Please check on Jesse Hansen number 495 in the comments, they’re too close to the edge right now, and I’m worried about them. Jesse, hang on, we are all here for you, and it gets better, I promise you can do this, we love you!

  542. Happy birthday, Lisa! Did you hear about the celebrity who snapped under quarantine and assaulted her husband? Reece, I think? Apparently she did it with her spoon!

    Catherine recently posted Life is a Radical Act.

  543. Happy birthday, Lisa! I hope you have as fantabulous a day as possible. So sorry you’re sick. I hope you feel better soon.

  544. 550
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday Lisa! Why do strings never win races?

    Because they tie.

  545. Happy Birthday Lisa! I HIGHLY recommend “Too Funny to Fail” on Hulu which you can immediately follow up with The Dana Carvey Show (which Too Funny to Fail is actually about). The Dana Carvey show is incredible weird but the kind of weird that is absolutely hilarious. Grandma the Clown is my favorite. Laugh until you feel better, which I hope is sooner than later.

  546. This is a scene from The Simpsons, with an actual Happy Birthday, Lisa song. Please watch!!!

    https://youtu.be/RLuyHWP_wnM

  547. 553
    adellarose7

    Happy birthday, Lisa! Your sister loves you, so we love you! 💜

  548. 554
    Anonymous

    Ok people, brace yourselves…I am feeling sad in a weird way, not the usual and not Covid related…in fact I feel weird in general…then it hit me: I felt this ineffable discomfort around the same time last month…during the full super moon. Guess what’s up over the next three days? Yup, full super moon. On top of all the Covid strangeness. Should be a fun ride. Also, Happy Birthday, Lisa!

  549. 555
    David Cardey

    Happy Birthday Lisa !!! I don’t have a funny story off-hand, but how about a dog & volleyball ?

    (if the link doesn’t work, just Google “This Dog is Elite😂 Dog plays Volleyball”)

    a reverse wish “May this be the worst day of the rest of your year…” 🙂

  550. 556
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday, Lisa!

    I liked Unorthodox and Feel Good on Netflix. <3

  551. 557
    JenniferNennifer

    Happy day after your birthday. I recommend Death in Paradise – keep going, they stay good.

  552. 558
    Anonymous

    A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.

        The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."   The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
    
        The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with "hell " and you say something with "ass."
    
        The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
    
        When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
    
        WHACK!
    
        He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step.
    
        His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
    
        She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
        "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
    
  553. Happy birthday, Lisa!

    I am not in a great mood today, and not very good with jokes either, but I breaded and fried some fish for dinner, and the smell of fried fish reminded me of my grandma’s house when I was little. She really liked fried fish (absentmindedly stuck her hand in hot oil once while cooking it!), and breaded pork or chicken (whatever you bread, when you fry it, it all smells the same), and that made the bad mood ease a bit.

    I hope you recover completely and don’t feel so sad today, with tons of strangers sending you loving messages.

  554. OK, so I am sorry I was late with this but happy late bday. Here is a story:

    When I was a teenager, I had a twin size waterbed. I thought it was cool, because who didn’t want a waterbed at that time? Friends would come over and I would smugly nod and say “Waterbed.” And they would nod and say “Cool.” I grew up in San Diego, so imagine us all sounding like we were characters in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure or Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

    I also had a long, luxuriously curly semi-mullet haircut, ratty Vans tennis shoes with no socks, a television in my room, and the high score at the arcade on the Galaxian machine, so my 1980’s street cred was complete.

    The bed was raised up on a wooden platform that was hollow underneath and was slightly bigger than the size of the mattress. There was a plywood top that came off in case I would want to move it. But I left it in the same place for basically my entire teen years. From time to time, when I would lay down to sleep, I would hear a whirring and scraping sound like a tiny electric motor going really fast. I never really thought too much about it, because It would sort of lull me to sleep if I ignored it, and also I always had sort of a low key ringing or humming in my ears from too much loud music and no earplugs at band practice.

    Later when I left to go to college, my parents decided to completely do over my room. The room itself was painted in mostly dark colors, and had cloud wallpaper. I had taken down all of the posters, 45 sleeves, graphic art prints, and Scottish flags that I had had adorning most of the walls, but the bed and my desk chair were still there. They wanted to rip out the carpet, (which was stained, even though it was dark brown) and refinish the wood floor underneath, then paint the walls and cabinets a brighter color and put in a Murphy Bed. They drained the waterbed, which was apparently kind of gross in itself, because it hadn’t been drained in ten years.

    Then they took the plywood top off and discovered that underneath in the hollow box, it was boiling with thousands of tiny yellow spiders that were about the size of sesame seeds. They had an entire civilization in there. Infinite fractal layers of translucent cotton candy web, each dotted with the frantic bugs that moved in seemingly random flows of tiny, but vaguely menacing and unknowable yet certainly creepy purpose that completely filled the space within the box. The carpet was only visible in a few spots.

    I had once woken up to one of these spiders walking on my nose, which made it seem quite a bit larger than it actually was. I had thought it came from the light fixtures, but if it had, it must have been an inhabitant of a far flung colony compared to the skeevy Spiderhattan skyline they found in that box.

    My dad immediately put the cover back down.

    He went to go get a gallon of bleach from the laundry room, which he poured in on top of the spiders. He said that they made an audible buzzing sound as they died. My mom could hear it from the hall.

    How many tiny spider screams must there be for the aggregate sound to be loud enough to hear several feet away?
    I told this story to a friend of mine, and he wrote me back “You had been a god to them for a decade and you let them all die. WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU? Also, that made my skin crawl.”

    So my response to him was “TINY SPIDERS SHALL HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME!
    THEY HAVE TRANSGRESSED AGAINST THE WILL OF THEIR GOD AND I AM WROTH. THUS I SPAKE UNTO THEM AND I SAID “RETURN NOW FROM YOUR EVIL WAYS AND YOUR EVIL DEEDS,” BUT THEY DID HEED ME NOT. THEREFORE I DID RAIN DESTRUCTION DOWN UPON THEM UNTO THE SEVENTH GENERATION. MY AGENTS DID POUR DOWN UPON THEM BLEACH AND UNTO THEIR CHILDREN AND THEIR EGGS. THEIR WEBS WERE DESTROYED AND THEIR WOMEN RENT THEIR LEGS IN LAMENTATIONS IN THEIR SORROW. BITTER WAS THEIR LOT AND THEIR LANDS WERE LAID WASTE. THUS SAITH THE LORD THEIR GOD, WHO WAS A VENGEFUL GOD. Spid 7:1-8”

    And I think that pretty much says it all about my feelings about spiders. Happy Birthday!

    Tony Moir recently posted Question #155.

  555. Happy belated birthday Lisa! Many wishes for your continued healing. If you have not seen Some Good News on YouTube I highly recommend watching the 2nd episode. It put a smile on my face for so many reasons. Hopefully you enjoy it as much as I have.

  556. 562
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! Here is a naughty joke:

    A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

    “Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

    He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

    Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

    She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

    The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
    “Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:
    “Are – my – test – results – back?”

    🦶🏼🦶🏼🦶🏼🦶🏼🦶🏼🦶🏼Hugs
    (Hugs from 6 feet away)
    Cyndi in Seattle

  557. Happy Birthday Lisa! Q: Where do you find a legless dog? A: Wherever you last set it. Morbid times calls for morbid humor. Feel better soon!

  558. 564
    LindaFromMinn

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! Too many choices of where to spend your Birthday? Yeah, the same for me about Easter; can’t decide. In the kitchen or in my bed. Decisions, decisions. Hope where you are, you feel better and know we all are cheering for you and your health (and your birthday, of course!)!

  559. happy birthday! my birthday advice is dont eat popcorn while wearing a v-neck shirt. because not only was my bra hungry for popcorn crumbs, so was my dog. and she climbed into my lap and shoved her nose into my cleavage to chase down those popcorn crumbs.

  560. 566
    Anonymous

    I highly recommend “Juliet, Naked,” for a great laugh via free through Amazon Prime!! Made me giggle and giggle, the more times I watched it, the more I got the jokes! Okay, so, yes, I speak English, but those UK accents were going so fast I had to turn on my subtitles! Funny but true!

  561. Happy Birthday Lisa! Hope you get well soon and then have a fantastic birthday celebration. I don’t have any funny stories because I haven’t been anywhere but work and home for weeks and my cats and co workers are boring. But if you have Netflix, watch Love Is Blind. Seriously. It’s an amazing, addictive train wreck. The Circle was also entertaining. Best wishes and socially distant hugs.

  562. 568
    Linda Lassman

    Happy birthday, Lisa! I hope you’re feeling better soon!

  563. Hey, Lisa — this must be friending at a distance, since I have not met actually met your sister in real life and now I have not met your sister’s sister in real life, which must be some kind of squared or cubic measure, only I don’t do math. Anyway, I really real life do wish you a happy day and a rapid recovery — <3

  564. 570
    Anonymous

    Happy Birthday Lisa. Here’s my favorite joke.
    There are three kinds of sex – furniture sex, bedroom sex, hallway sex.
    Furniture sex is when you first meet and you’re young. you have sex everywhere – the stove, kitchen table, the washer, that recliner, everywhere.

    Bedroom sex comes later. You still love each other but you like to be comfortable so you do it in the bedroom.

    Then comes hallway sex.

    You walk down the hall and you pass your husband/wife and he says, FUCK YOU and you say FUCK YOU back.

    that’s hallway sex!

  565. 571
    Laura Kaye

    Hey Jenny! I made a little Happy Birthday video for your sister. I hope she likes it. 🙂
    https://share.icloud.com/photos/0-oTUP8burn2KQb6Yc8qqknSQ
    Much love!
    Laura Kaye

  566. Happy Birthday, Lisa! Today I accidentally taught my two year old to shout, “damn it!” It could be worse considering what I really said was,”fuck that shit, damn it!” So not going to win any mom of the year awards for that one.

  567. Is it too late to add a happy birthday? I just read this post today and it’s April 6th. I think. Not wearing Day of the Week underwear so I’m not sure. Anyway I have a website full of pictures you can look at, but if you’re a Republican you’ll probably want to skip the “Politics 2017” file because it is my political satire artwork. I hope you feel better and recovery soon. Scary shit. http://www.cirquemom.com

  568. I love you guys so much it makes my heart hurt a little.

  569. Ooh ooh ooh ooooooh! I know I’m a day late but I have a link both you and Lisa would truly appreciate. It’s a really funny story about a bullshit exorcism.

    https://thefourthvine.dreamwidth.org/186767.html

  570. Happy birthday Lisa!

  571. Check out Tadgh Fleming on Facebook or IG for a laugh! (Most likely also on YouTube). Happy Birthday to you and best wishes for a speedy recovery. Even though you’re isolated you’re not alone in spirit. Sending hugs. Maybe you can Xoom or try Houseparty (also an app like FaceTime in a group but with games built in) with your family and loved ones.

  572. 578
    Kathy Perantie

    Before the shrimp thread this was the best thing I saw on the interwebs today.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX6ot0Cu998

  573. Happy Birthday Lisa!! Hope you are feeling better soon!! 🎉🎂🧁🍰

  574. 580
    G. Trent Galbraith
  575. 581
    Anonymous

    Happy birthday, Lisa! Much love from Houston!

    ❤❤❤,
    Tish, Nathan, Thomas, Penny, Taco, Lily, Harley, Spaz, Moxie, Odin, Adonis, and 3 Hermie crabs!

  576. 582
    Lindy Olson

    Happy Birthday, Lisa!

    Wanted to share my granddaughter’s horrified response to learning her Grandma is 65 years old.
    Nina, teary: “Gramma! You’re almost DEAD!”

    I fell out laughing. Assured her that I’d already wrapped her b’day present, so I’d be around at LEAST that long. Seemed logical to five-year-old Nina, so she smiled.

  577. Happy Birthday, Lisa! I’m glad you’re on the mend! Keep your chin up, someday things will be back to normal and we won’t have a Cheeto in the White House!

  578. Happy Birthday, Lisa!

  579. Jenny, there’s a large black bug on your drawing. Or it’s on my– Nope, when your graphic is embiggened, the bug is embiggened, too!

    And that drawing shows how she made her twisted way home up a really steep hill! Really!

    Happy birthday, Lisa!

  580. Happy Belated Birthday Lisa! Earlier this week, a Monarch butterfly emerged from its chrysalis – which it had built on the underside of our back yard porch handrail. By mid-afternoon, it was raining quite heavily, and the silly little butterfly unwisely decided to test run its barely dried wings right into a puddle. So! I picked him (her?) up and walk them (it?) over too some milkweed that grows under in a sheltered spot under the big oak that dominates our back yard. If I had been working in the office, I wouldn’t have been there to help. 🙂 So yep – that was pretty dang nifty.
    Hope you are feeling back at 100% soon, Lisa (and anyone else who hasn’t been feeling well!)!

  581. Happy birthday, Lisa! Not that you will ever get to my post; but if you have Amazon Prime, Where the Heart is is a pretty good British tv series from the late 90’s, Wild at heart is another good British tv series, and McCleod’s Daughters was a great series for at least the first few seasons.

  582. 588
    Jennifer Gregg Rogers

    Lisa! I’m sorry I missed your birthday. My 40th was the very next day. With the quarantine I thought I wanted to hide and wait until next year. I told my husband to just forget it all. Then everyone in the world came out to wish me well and somehow my brain snapped and I was happy again. I forgot how nice it is to hear nice things from people meant just for you. So this, is just for you. Lisa, 3 days after your birthday, I hope you’re feeling a bit healthier and have finished the season finale and heartbreaking aftershow of Schitt’s Creek. I hope you’ve reveled in the cool, retro, John Hughes-ish weirdness of “I Am Not OK With This”, (it’s really good!) More importantly, I hope you are glowing in the warmth of human kindness from strangers and family. This stranger was thinking of you today. Happy Birthday!

  583. Happy (Belated) Birthday!
    I live in Casper, WY and my town has started to show their appreciation for all medical personnel, well really all essential personnel by HOWLING at 8 pm. Italy sings, NY claps, Casper howls. It is honestly the weirdest and most beautiful thing.
    I hope this puts a smile on your face as it does mine every evening.

  584. 590
    dianacaplan

    Happy Birthday Lisa!! 💜💜💜

  585. Happy birthday. I am sure have seen the one that says “note to self, your neighbors do not appreciate it if you put on a Renaissance costume and walk down the street shouting “Bring out your dead!” Personally I would very much appreciate this. The only good thing that has happened in all this is our family pediatrician we have known for 30 years gave us her sailboat. When we can leave our house again I have a new boat. It’s going to be called “Knotty by Nature”. My family will be properly shocked.

  586. Happy belated birthday Lisa!
    As background, I’m the family promoter of manners and etiquette. And female.

    Recently I posted on Facebook “Ten days into self-isolation, and I have caught myself eating over the kitchen sink. A friend immediately replied “Congratulations! You are now a man!”

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