Let’s have a happy distraction, shall we? YES, WE SHALL.

Hello!  Remember a week ago when I shared all my most recent favorite instagram distractions and we pretended that we were coworkers and I pulled you into my office so we could laugh and look at cats being idiots and talk about all the people we don’t like?

Wrong.

That wasn’t last week.  That was five weeks ago.

I know.  Time isn’t working the same way it did, but that’s all the more reason to laugh while we can and that is precisely why today will be instagram ridiculousness and beauty and horror that I bookmarked for you during these last 800 years of plague.

Look, it’s us:

Okay, let’s get started…and if you’re new to instagram, if there’s big arrow click it for video and if there’s a tiny arrow on the right it means you should click it to scroll through.

Get ready to be singing this all day:

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_zcplEHkaC/

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_4eLlbFqYo/

This is weird, but in a fascinating way.  Like, not as creepy as the doctor who dug up a corpse and lived with it, but still…

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Alma Mahler (1879–1964) was a Viennese socialite and arts patron whose infamous romantic life inspired composers, painters, and novelists, including Gustav Mahler, Walter Gropius, Franz Werfel, and others. Between her marriages to Mahler (who died in 1911) and Gropius (in 1915), Alma had a turbulent affair with the expressionist painter Oskar Kokoschka (1886–1980), who memorialized her in his painting The Bride of the Wind, 1913-14 (just before their relationship ended).⠀ ⠀ Unable to forget his muse and lover, in July 1918 Kokoschka ordered a life-size doll from the Munich doll-maker Hermine Moos as a substitute for his lost love. It was to be made to look exactly like Alma Mahler.⠀ ⠀ Kokoschka provided Moos with many detailed drawings and a life sized oil sketch. On August 20, 1918 he wrote to Moos: “Yesterday I sent a life-size drawing of my beloved and I ask you to copy this most carefully and to transform it into reality. Pay special attention to the dimensions of the head and neck, to the ribcage, the rump and the limbs. And take to heart the contours of body, e.g., the line of the neck to the back, the curve of the belly. Please permit my sense of touch to take pleasure in those places where layers of fat or muscle suddenly give way to a sinewy covering of skin. For the first layer (inside) please use fine, curly horsehair; you must buy an old sofa or something similar; have the horsehair disinfected. Then, over that, a layer of pouches stuffed with down, cottonwool for the seat and breasts. The point of all this for me is an experience which I must be able to embrace!”⠀ ⠀ In December Kokoschka eagerly demanded of Hermine Moos: “Can the mouth be opened? Are there teeth and a tongue inside? I hope.”⠀ ⠀ The doll was not finished until the second half of February 1919. On February 22 Kokoschka asked to have the doll sent to him. The packing-case arrived.⠀ ⠀ Kokoschka was ultimately disappointed with the result, a clumsy construction of fabric and wood wool. He complained that the shag carpet-like skin was not life-like enough.⠀ ⠀ After several moths, despite Kokoschka’s effort, expense and energy, he decided to dispense with the fetish.

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I want to live here.

Victor:  How’d they get a picture of your car?

It’s like a dinosaur.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_zzU8tBPHN/

Victor gets mad at me for not being able to socialize with his business people but then when I do I am 100 this and he gets mad at me for that so I might as well be drunk.

I snorkeled in a cave once and it was like this and I legitimately started hyperventilating and clawing at anyone near me.

I think this is making fun of a biscuit and gravy fountain but I would 100% want this at any party.

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😛

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https://www.instagram.com/p/B_ki70wo-uD/

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He just tryin to get food

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Impossible to overstate how much last year’s SDCC changed my life. It was actually a year ago today that applications closed for the Her Universe Fashion Show– I’d been planning my drag inspired Pink Diamond / Rose Quartz transformation garment design to submit to this show for honestly years. I worked tirelessly on this look for months and while I didn’t finish every detail how I dreamed, I couldn’t be any prouder of this runway walk. It’s absolutely the right call to cancel the con, but I know how much my 2019 centered around this build and this show, and my heart is so heavy for all the talented designers who’ve gotta wait for another year. Think I might rewatch (and maybe finally finish!) Steven Universe to cope ⭐️ Thanks to @mark_edwards_photographer and of course @littlemantiscosplay my one woman army backstage and wig wrangler extraordinaire 💜 #stevenuniverse #hufs #sdcc #heruniversefashionshow #geekcouture #heruniverse #wigfromheretohomeworld #stevenuniversefandom #stevenuniverserose

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this radiates vine energy via @lucweed

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@hoops0926 on tik tok – julia

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🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊

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I want a self loading laundry basket

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This.  And also when I say a work I’ve only read and everyone points out that that is not how you pronounce it at all.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_Ig1ETl5vl/

Victor doesn’t understand the appeal of instagram and just stares at me while I laugh at cat videos but he fucking loves the videos of people hurting themselves when doing dumb stuff.  We all got our stuff, I guess.

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Wait for it😳

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Dying of cuteness (@paige_soccer23)

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YUP:

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Rose Cat and Jack Cat • 🎥 Credit unknown

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PART 2 – You entered the wrong territory human. 😂😂 STORY: The woman is a realtor who brought buyers to show the house of the cat owner. The cat is PREGNANT, and has never experienced an encounter with a stranger without her humans around, so is SCARED, and she is only being PROTECTIVE and TERRITORIAL. She does not have "behavioural issues" and she most definitely does not needs to be "YEET or KICKED" to the corner, she's a living creature. And, in case you suggest that the cat should be kicked, just unfollow my page and get the fuck out of here. 🤗 – Follow @dailymeowws for more meowing cat videos daily ! 💖 – Credits 🎥 : metro.co.uk Follow @dailymeowws ❤️ Follow @dailymeowws ❤️ Follow @dailymeowws ❤️ – #sandmancat #mrsandmanchallenge #meowing #talkingcat #lorettabritishcat #lorettabritishcattery #pets #animals #animallover #catlovers #cats #catlady #roses #cute #cutest #cutekitten #cuteness #sweet #adorable #catsofinstagram #catsofworld #catsofig #catstagram #catsoftheday #cats_of_instagram #happycats #aww #talkingcat #meowing #meow #memes #instagram

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Me September 30th 🤪

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But did you know that Jeffery Dahmer said that the ink in tattoos made flesh taste weird?  Just saying.

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Sound On! 🔊 | Just in case you were having a bad day 😹😹😻 ⁣ Show us some love 😘 by liking 👍 and commenting 😽. ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⠀ Save it 👌and tag your #catlover friend to share it with them 👫😹 Use #dearrcat to be featured 🐾⠀ ⠀ Follow us for⠀ more @dearrcat ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⁣📽 from @m_sachdev15 ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣ #cats🐱 #catsloversworld #catmeme #nekoくらぶ #funnycatvideo #catsloversworldworld #cutecatkittens #cutecatpost #funnycatvideos #cutecatsblog #cutecatclub #cutecatcrew #cutecatshow #cutecatsco #picneko #cutecatskittens #cutecate #catmemes #cutecatsofinstagram #catworld #kawaiineko #catsloversclub #cutecatsclub #nekostagram #catcartel #funnycatpics #nekos

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I want one:

I don’t think I could do yoga but if I did I suspect it would look a lot like this.

Her shriek is the funniest part.  I sort of want it as my ring tone.

This isn’t funny but I use it sometimes.

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😂 follow @sceneshowtime (me) for more.

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JUMP UP AND DOWN!!🐒💨 . From @pizzatoru

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Y’all, what?

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living her best life while ab to die

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🎳😩

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Pretty sure that’s witchcraft.

I love creepy, but this looks like it would 100% murder me:

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Follow Us, @yup.that.exists (artist: Tim Lewis)

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omg WHAT!!!!!! (@okigboxl on Twitter)

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how many kids do y’all want?

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Okay.  Time to go back to work.  And by “work” I mean go have a drink and a walk and snuggle with an animal and read a book or watch a show.  You deserve it.

59 thoughts on “Let’s have a happy distraction, shall we? YES, WE SHALL.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. This MADE my day- I didn’t look at them all at once – I want to ration them out as I need them for crappy moments – which are all too frequent in this upside down time warp of a year. I was wheezing laughing between the pasta and the motivational tampons. That might be in the top five weirdest sentences I Have written since all this started, which is really saying something.

  2. Ack- I accidentally hit post before I was done rambling. Thank you again for this roundup and I just saw the tattoo fact- I’d never thought of that. I’m grossed out but thinking of getting a tattoo that says “this will make me taste weird”. Just in case.

  3. I scream-laugh-cried so loudly my kid had to come check on me! And I didn’t even notice that my cat was eating my pizza. Nicely played, Jenny!

  4. If I can’t stand in it I’m not getting in is ME! I made myself watch the whole thing. Now THAT is a horror movie in my book. I can’t even look at Google Earth of the ocean.
    So…. I’ve been brave today. Yay me.

    Loved the vids. Thank you.

  5. I watched these all twice…Made my day! (…plus got all of my animals to gather around me as they started hearing other animals). Family Time!

  6. Thank you for the distractions and the inspiration to “get back to work” too! 🍹 As someone who is living in batshit crazy Wisconsin, your post today has been extra appreciated!

  7. The Aristocats singing Lizzo.
    Dancing weasel (or ferret? Dunno).
    Cats giving haircuts.
    F-ing love you, Jenny.

  8. I never watch videos like this. I am the reason you put instructions in here about how to hit the arrow. Now I know what my life has been missing. Pure laughter. Thanks. You have no idea how much I needed that.

  9. Right on, Ernie! Me too! I needed the arrow instructions.
    My favorite was the spaghetti on the front seat of the car. Because I’m forever saying, aw whoops just toss that back there, but so far, not with spaghetti!

  10. One of the best posts ever! All the weirdness, and things that made me laugh out loud. So needed right now, thank you!

  11. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I can’t tell you the last time I laughed out loud. This was exactly what I needed today. 🤗

  12. I’m sending this to my fiancée if for no other reason for her to understand why Jenny Lawson is my inspiration for everything kind …. and funny ….. and she’s hot but that’s obvious to all of us. You are amazeballs Jenny Lawson.

  13. Bang on with most, the golden reining in the cat was hilarious.

    But the dog that slammed into the tailgate and fell backwards, good lord. Hopefully he’s ok, that’s a great way to break something, if not herniate a disc

  14. Thanks for compiling. Some of them I watched over and over. This is why I can’t have an Instagram account.

  15. Thank you! This is a post that will keep on giving. Some awesome videos on there, made my morning.

  16. May have made my entire year all in one day! Laughter, coffee spewed, tears…THANKYOU!!

  17. I can’t handle instagram or any social media for extended scrolling sessions – it just makes all my emotions go up to 100 and its no fun. But I love seeing these sorts of curated selections; thanks for doing all the hard work for me and just showing me the best bits!

  18. Can I be your work friend? I have some good gossip on Louise, the team secretary over in Building A

  19. Thank you, Jenny! These were hysterical and much needed. After reading the headlines and watching videos of what’s going on in this country and around the world, I’ve been under the table in a fetal position. You give me reason to come out. Plus it’s dusty down there and I don’t want to deal. LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

  20. Thank you for collecting and sharing these!!! I have laughed SO hard today!! 🙂

  21. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! You made me laugh and my husband said ”what the fuck are you watching?” It made me laugh and smile and a little gleeful that he was annoyed by my laughing, ha!

  22. This was wonderful and needed. I glazed over all the names when first reading the 1919 RealDoll story and said aloud. “Wow, that sounds like something out of Alma’s life.” What a woman. (My prior knowledge came via Tom Lehr: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QL6KgbrGSKQ ) Thank you so much!

  23. Thank you SO much. I snort-laughed on a few of those, particularly the dog arguing back.

  24. YES!!!! Love you so so much Jenny! You are an essential worker dammit-just by being yourself! ☺️

    The tick tock story about the vet tech is my favourite. I’ve been watching that one a few times a day.

    I keep randomly auto tune singing … shuffling around kitchen… “those were his NIPPLES!!!!!!!!!!!”

  25. When your trainer leaves you alone….
    Laughed so much at that one I spilled coffee on my keyboard… #%$^ &%!
    Thanks for making a bright spot in the day (but not the keyboard) with all the browsing and clicking I had to do. As if there was anything better to do…Nope, not. No way. Laughing again…

  26. Believe it or not, the one that made me laugh the hardest was the snake tongue going “bblblblblblblblbl”!
    Besides that, I watched them all at once, so my coffee was gone before I had a chance to enjoy it with my muffin. So sad!

  27. How on earth do you find all of these? I need to find some better accounts to follow for sure!

  28. Actual tears of hilarity rolling down our faces, for the first time in forever. THANK YOU for this internet gold.

  29. Hi Jenny, I did love this post with your collection of hilarity. Seriously almost pee’d my pants and passed a few of them on to friends who would get a chuckle. But really I just wanted to write and say THANK YOU for the StoryWorth suggestion. Since you rarely endorse something I really took it to heart and looked into it, and I bought it for my mom for Mother’s Day. It has honestly been The Best gift I have EVER given to my mom. She is loving sharing her stories and is really taking it seriously. I really can’t thank you enough. Hopefully you see this. Just wanted to say THANKS!

  30. Have you seen this on Instagram? Unpopularcats? You’ll love the burger cat….literally a bed like a hamburger bun….and the cat gets in the middle…..so you.

  31. I have to say that this not only made my day, but it saved my day. I was having the worst chronic pain and mental health day, but I laughed so hard that I couldn’t believe it. Up till looking through this post, I felt like I was never going to laugh again. Thank you, Jenny!

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