So I cannot think straight today because of this:
So I’m going to share with you day-in-the-life post that I wrote about the bullshit of living with ADD that I wrote it for The Cut but then they cut it down to just a few sentences and that makes sense because it’s right there in the name but I still wanted to share the whole thing here and then I completely forgot about it because I have ADD. *sigh* But here it is, in its entirety and you probably need to read it if you share my diagnosis or love someone who does.
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I have had ADD (attention-deficit disorder) for as long as I can remember but that’s only because I literally can’t remember when I was diagnosed because I have ADD. Technically I don’t even have ADD because at some time when I wasn’t paying attention they decided that ADD should be folded under ADHD (attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder) but since I don’t have the hyperactivity part (which would possibly make up for all the time I lose getting distracted by otter videos) my diagnosis is actually “Inattentive-Type ADHD” which I literally can never remember the name of and when I go looking for it I end up in a rabbit-hole of “Do you have ADD quizzes” which pretty much is a pretty good indication that, yes…yes I do.
I didn’t actually know that I had ADD for a long time because I also have clinical depression and anxiety which can mimic a lot of the symptoms of ADD so it can be hard to tell exactly which of my mental disorders is being the biggest asshole at the time. If you get misdiagnosed with ADD (it happens a lot) and you actually have anxiety disorder masquerading as ADD it makes your anxiety disorder jump into overdrive and can make everything a million times worse but if (like me) you have ADD and anxiety you just end up trying to balance the anxiety of having ADD with the ADD meds that help lessen the anxiety of not being able to concentrate while at the same time heightening the anxiety of your anxiety meds not working because your taking stimulants for your ADD. And my head hurts just from trying to explain that last sentence.
A typical day in the life of me:
Midnight – My plan to go to sleep early was thwarted when I fell into a Wikipedia page about all the ways people have died at DisneyLand. I scold myself and close Wikipedia. I take a quick glance at my instagram before going to sleep.
3am – How are there this many otter videos on instagram? How is it already 3am?
3:30am – Can’t sleep. I ask twitter if they’re still awake too. They are and they are all thinking about that dumb thing they said in junior high. This is strangely comforting.
4am – My dog (Dorothy Barker) is whining. Can’t remember if I took her to pee before bed. Take her again while pretending to talk to the police on my phone just in case a serial killer is hiding in the bushes.
8am – Wake my 16 year-old daughter up for virtual school. Make sure she gets up and doesn’t immediately fall back asleep. Immediately fall back asleep myself.
10am – Wake up, vowing to go to sleep at a normal time tonight. Take the dog to pee. Take a shower. Forget if I’ve used conditioner. Use conditioner again. Wonder if I used shampoo. Start all over again. Remind myself to buy shampoo and conditioner because I’ve run out again for some reason.
11am – Can’t remember if I took the dog out. Take the dog out again.
Noon – Time to get to work. Wonder why there’s a word for noon and for midnight but not for any of the other times. Ask my husband, who tells me to get back to work because I guess he doesn’t appreciate the value of a curious mind and also because he just looked at my computer and pointed out that I have over 300 unread emails. This is when I realize that I need to take my ADD meds so that I can concentrate but then I remember that I need to eat something first.
Go to put bread in the toaster. Realize there is already bread in the toaster. From yesterday. Realize that I’d started making a sandwich for lunch yesterday and must’ve forgotten halfway through and now it suddenly makes sense why I was ravenous last night.
Make a new sandwich but realize I’m out of cheese so start a grocery list but then that make me think of my to-do list for the day and that I have a meeting that started 2 minutes ago. Run to get on the zoom call. No one is on there. Do a quick email search and find that it was postponed days ago and I just didn’t know because I’m so far behind on email. Feel alternately good for being only two minutes late to a meeting that didn’t actually exist and then bad for exactly the same reason. Realize that I still haven’t taken my ADD medicine. Also realize I left my sandwich on the kitchen counter and Hunter S. Thomcat has eaten most of it. Clean it up and then notice there are dishes to clean to so I start rinsing but discover I haven’t emptied the dishwasher and then realize that I’d forgotten to evenstartthe dishwasher last time I’d filled it. This reminds me that I also forgot to put the load wet clothes in the dryer. I did the same thing yesterday but I couldn’t remember how long it had been since I washed those clothes (was it yesterday?) so I just ran them again. Wonder if that was yesterday I’m thinking of or day before yesterday. Decide to run the clothes again. Wonder if I’ve accidentally set a Guinness world record for washing the same load of clothes the most times ever and imagine Greta Thumberg looking very disappointed in me, which I totally deserve.
OH MY GOD I STILL HAVEN’T TAKEN MY MEDICATION.
Go to the medicine cabinet. Look at bottle and wonder if I’ve already taken my pill for the day and just forgot. Remind myself to get a calendar to keep track of this and everything else. Wonder if it’s worse to take slightly too much or slightly too little before deciding to skip it just in case.
Dorothy Barker whines. I can’t remember if I took her out or if she’s just fucking with me. She looks like she wants to pee. Take her out again. Or for the first time. WHO KNOWS? Consider putting marks on my arm to remind myself that she’s gone out many times and is not trustworthy but then realize that would mean keeping up with a pen on a regular basis, which is just not going to happen.
3pm – HOLY SHIT – HOW IS IT 3PM? Reply to a glut of emails, all of them opening with variations on “Have I answered this? Do you still need me? I am so sorry. I am an idiot.” Also open dozens of emails that seem too complicated or overwhelming and then change them to “save as unread” so I can come back to them later and they can continue to haunt me forever.
4pm – Realize I have not seen my child since this morning. Find her playing Dungeons and Dragons online with friends. Make her eat something and check her schoolwork and tell her about the importance of focus and dedication until I get distracted by the dog who is whining and I can’t remember if I’ve taken her out today so I grab her leash and keep talking to my daughter as I walk Dottie out. My daughter says, “I think you forgot something” as I that notice Dorothy Barker is halfway across the lawn without me because I’ve literally FORGOTTEN TO ATTACH THE LEASH TO HER COLLAR. Dorothy Barker looks just as baffled as she stares at me holding a leash which is attached to nothing. This image is an analogy for my damn whole life.
5pm – I kept forgetting to charge my phone throughout the day until an hour ago when I finally plugged it in at 2%. Went to pick it up. It is now totally dead because apparently I forgot to plug the charger into the wall.
6-10pm – It’s been 4 hours since I may or may not have taken my ADD meds so that means it’s safe for me to take more. Take ADD pill even though it’s late and will make me stay up too late. Write. Email. Make business decisions easily that I labored over all day. Look like a normal person. Remember to put the clothes in the dryer and then start a new load of laundry because I have more faith in tomorrow me than I possibly deserve. Dorothy Barker whines. I take her for a walk but make sure to tell her that I know exactly what she’s doing and that she’s not fooling anyone (except for me a dozen times throughout the day apparently).
11pm – My husband asks why I’m still working at 11 at night and tells me that if I worked normal hours I wouldn’t be up this late fighting deadlines. He tells me that opening and closing work and not finishing it is crazy and that “touch it once” is the key to success. This all sounds very valid but my medication is wearing off and I really want to get into bed so that I can get a good night’s sleep and wake up at a normal time tomorrow but first I want to finish reading that Listicle about all the famous people who were decapitated. Feel exhausted because I worked like mad but accomplished only half of what I wanted and am filled with anxiety about all of the things I can’t remember that I’ve already forgotten.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Literally.
And I’m exhausted just from writing this.
But I remind myself that (in spite of myself) I probably accomplished a lot more than I think I did but I just can’t remember it. And after all, if you’re going to lightly hate yourself for your faulty brain fucking things up you should probably give it credit for the amazing things you just didn’t recognize you did at the time.
Did I try hard? Yes.
Did I survive the day? So far, at least.
Was I kind to myself and others? I hope so.
Am I human? Fully and totally.
Did I take the dog out? OMG YES. STOP ASKING.
Wait…did I take the dog out? Yes. You totally did. I was messing with you. Sorry.
That’s okay. Wait, when did we slip into a conversation with myself?
No clue. But let’s go with it because I think you need someone to tell you that you’re doing fine. Even when you’re sort of falling apart and doing it all wrong, you’re doing just fine. Just like everyone else. Just like the person reading this right now.
Is someone reading this?
Yep. And maybe they have the same struggles and maybe they have different ones but no matter what they should remember to appreciate how important they are regardless of what they have or haven’t accomplished today.
And also to go put the clothes in the dryer.
Amen.
Thank you…Thank you…Thank you!!!
My son has ADD (primarily inattentive) and anxiety and I’m going to read him this. I’ll do my best to emulate your voice. He’ll probably stop paying attention three sentences in, but I know you’re not going to be offended because you get it. I love both your brains.
My daughter had inattentive ADHD. I know new drugs are hard for you, but Guanfacine had made a big difference in that part.
Now… I think I need to find out if I have ADD. Because you just described a lot of my days…
I relate to this so much. I don’t think I have ADD (or whatever the letters are). I do have depression, now anxiety (so much fun) and C-PTSD because regular PTSD wasn’t good enough. I’m also getting older and that affects memory. I don’t know if anyone else is getting older, too, and experiencing that piece of it? Maybe a Google search would help…
I love all of your posts, Jenny, but this one I think I’ll post a link to on my puny little blog.
And yeah, I got tired while reading it too, and am wondering: Have you taken your meds yet? Has the dog gone out? And doesn’t everyone have similar conversations with themselves every stinking hour of the day?
I understand this so well. I live with ADHD, depression and anxiety. I’m never quite sure which one is in control. I’m always exhausted it’s like the ADHD wears me out before I even get my day started.
I felt this post so strongly.
I was diagnosed ADHD three years ago? Four? I don’t know, what is time?
I also have a heart condition, complete with pacemaker, so I’m unmedicated. Because stimulants and bad hearts are a recipe for disaster.
Anyway, this was such a good post about what my life is like.
Thank you for sharing so I know I’m not the only one
Also, just finished Broken last night. I laughed, I cried, it moved me, Bob.
Thank you for being you.
I’m exhausted just reading about your day….but you DID accomplish something worthwhike, an that counts!
I see myself in your words. Thank you for your compassion and understanding of many other peoples daily struggles. We are all in this together, and I take comfort from that. Bless you!
One time I wrote down everything I did in the day. Since it was my day off, it was insanely busy and took 2 pages of typed notes. I did a scrapbook layout with it. I was exhausted reading it. That was back when my kids were kids. Now they’re teenagers and virtually schooled, so you would think the list would be shorter. If anything its longer. How does this happen? I’d commiserate with you on all the things I forget during the day, but I’d have to remember that I forgot them first, which only happens when I can’t sleep and it’s 2am and there’s literally nothing I can do about it then anyway.
How did you know I had clothes i had forgotten to put in the dryer? Maybe you are my soul sister.
OMG!!! It’s like you are living in my brain! My favorite was when they would only do paper prescriptions for my ADD Meds and of course, I would lose it or put it somewhere safe and never even get them filled! Really cruel to do to someone with ADD! I have the same kind you do and can never remember the name so I’m always like- I have ADD, but not the hyper kind! It’s so comforting knowing I’m not the only one with squirrels in my brain!
Thanks for this! also, putting the clothes in the dryer next. at least that’s the plan right now…
I seriously love and appreciate you so much. Knowing there’s a whole tribe of people out there who get me is so comforting. As is being reminded that we’re human and doing the best we can ❤ On another note..is it possible that you’re just a nightowl and your brain functions better in the afternoon/evening? I just had this discussion with a good friend.
“Make business decisions easily that I labored over all day.”
This part! I also have anxiety and AD(H)D. I found that while I still have anxiety in other areas of my life, a lot of what I thought was anxiety was an inability to think linearly to make straightforward decisions. Once I started ADD medication, I was shocked at how easily I could decide what to do next and make strategic decisions at work that I would have normally worked very hard to avoid, since they felt so overwhelming.
I relate more than I realized.
oh dear, can you reference the online ADD quiz(es)? so much of this is eerily familiar.
These pill bottle timers show you how long it’s been since you last opened the bottle. Super great for “have I taken these already and forgot?” and doesn’t have the added burden of remembering to make a mark on a calendar to show that you did a thing. https://www.amazon.com/TimerCap-Automatically-Displays-Opened-Built/dp/B00ECK8KFG
I love you. You help me feel far less crazy with my anxiety & depression and PTSD and all the resulting life complications.
Also I forgot to ever let you know that the cat doodle you put for the personalization of Broken was PERFECT and would have made me cry if I was capable of doing that.
Hailey is far too grownup and needs to cut that out. She’s making it very difficult to remember her toddler days, but Mark will be 26 next month and Kira is old enough to buy alcohol so I supposed they need to cut it out first. (We are not NEARLY old enough to have kids this old).
I call stuff the “ADHD tax”, anytime I do something 3 the mes because I can’t remember if I’ve already done it, when I find I bought double of something because I forgot I already own it, late fees on bills.. the ADHD tax.
Magazines have word limits, you do not. The CUT article is “cut” and dried, Yours is both wildly entertaining and helpful. Keep doing what you’re doing and, by the way, Dorothy Barker needs to pee.
Thank you for your writing. It helps us stay somewhat sane
I too have the ADHD inattentive type. And it’s as if you’ve followed me around documenting my day. I’ve forgotten to take my meds enough times that when I took a good look at the bottles I realized I had enough pills now that if I were to stop refilling them completely, I’d have enough for the rest of this year. It’s gotten better as I’ve created more of a routine to my day that includes the pill taking time. But I still have days where the routine gets interrupted and then all bets are off.
Days where I have at least fed the dog and taken my pills are the ones I count as a win.
Thank you! I plugged my phone in and went to rotate the laundry. I am neurodivergent and this resonated so much.
Ahh the did I take my meds or didn’t I conundrum. I solved that by getting this awesome 7 day, 4 compartment per day pill minder on Amazon. My psychiatrist liked it so much she ordered one for “display” in her office. Life saver for me. I wish I could share the link with you but, alas, not in my wheelhouse. Starts with an A though
Sounds like a normal day to me (except I don’t take meds or have a dog). I procrastinate the things I should be doing by doing something else “real quick before I get to that thing I’m procrastinating.” I get a lot done, just not always what I’m supposed to be doing when I’m supposed to be doing it. Given enough time tho, it all comes around to a finish. I’ve discovered so many cups of cold tea on the counter or my desk over the years. LOL
Auvon is the product name for the pill minder
Commenter #7, “What is time?” is probably my second most common ADHD-influenced statement. Just after “what was/am I doing?”
Being Inattentive Type and smart and a girl is such a brilliant way of slipping through the cracks and finding out deep in adulthood that there’s a reason you’re so quirky/unable-to-functionally-adult. I was diagnosed with depression as a teen, but it wasn’t a misdiagnosis, I really was depressed– but I was depressed because I couldn’t Neurotypical properly and, probably unsurprisingly, when I found out that had a CAUSE and it was ADHD, my depression has eased up significantly, too. What, I’m NOT just a failure?!
I am a fan of checklists everywhere for everything. It still doesn’t capture it all but it helps.
I’m pretty sure I’ve been washing the same load of laundry for a week, but I only know this because I’m out of clean leggings 😬
I don’t have ADD but I do have anxiety and a touch of obsessive compulsive behavior. The laundry, the phone charger, the forgetting what I was doing only a few seconds after and only a few feet away from where I had the thought before I forgot it…. so familiar! I used to keep a crap load of post it notes on my water bottle to remind me of all the things I needed to remember, and then I would forget to read the post it notes.
Thank you for knowing me, even though you don’t know me. I feel like this blog has finally found me my tribe of people who understand me, and you are our fearless leader cheering us on.
I had to get one of those “day of the week” pill dispensers because I took 3 of my ADD medicines in about a 6 hour time period, and didn’t sleep for 36 hours.
Having mental health issues is exhausting and today I realize can also be fatal! My adult son heroically soldiers on with various mental health issues. Anxiety, ADD, etc. This week he mistakenly thought he was having an anxiety attack, it was not. Difficulty breathing, accelerated heart rate, etc. He had a collapsed lung! He didn’t want to make a fuss or make others think he was being a hypochondriac. He called in sick to work and his employer convinced him to call 911. Thank goodness for the prompt actions of the Whidbey Island EMT’s. He is still in hospital but recovering nicely. He could have died because mental health has such stigma.
I cannot see the video because I do not have Instagram, please put it up the way you usually do? Thank you
I love you so much. Still. Thank you. 💜 Have go take the dog out now.
My life every day!!!
Thank you. Maybe if I share this with my husband, who was diagnosed with ADD after our son was, and who refuses to acknowledge it or seek treatment, will get a little perspective. Or he’ll just forget, like everything else.
Look, if you only washed your clothes twice, you’re doing faaaaar better than I am, and did I take my meds today? I think so? Maybe not… I need to go take my dog out for a walk now and when I get back maybe I’ll remember to switch the laundry, but I doubt it. 4th time is the charm right?
Thank you for this!
I feel seen! So glad I do not have a dog or a child. The cats can (mostly) take care of themselves. Now what haven’t I done because I got distracted by this blog post.
OMG I have been wondering for the last few weeks if I have ADHD because I can’t think straight, and I see a meme, and I’m like, “HEY! That’s me!” and then I spend 5 hours watching Instagram Reels and forget to ask the doctor about it. The fact that I jumped to writing this comment after only making it through the first half of the post probably cements the whole thing. I can’t believe I finished writing my book… it literally took me 13 years.
This is too accurate. Now put two of these brains in a house together and watch the chaos. That is the life my husband and I live. The laundry thing was resolved by having Alexa remind us each twice.
I have ADD mixed with heavy doses of HyperFocus. I strongly relate to the dog named Doug in the movie Up. I’m easily distracted by squirrels , but if I see a large colorful chocolate bar eating bird, I’m following that bird for hours until I forget why I’m following that bird.
I don’t know how to thank you for all the good you have brought into my life since I first picked up one of your books. I wish I would have found your blog sooner in my life but am infinity grateful that I did. You make it easier to deal with my broken brain and the monster in my ear. I would love to say all of this to you in person, though I doubt that will because my avoidance of crowds is only slightly less then your’s seems to be lol.
Between ADHD-PI/other body stuff me, something-in-the-ADHD-family partner, and ADHD/fibromyalgia housemate, we make approximately one functional adult.
There was one night where Housemate made dinner, then Partner wandered through the kitchen and went “Uh, you wanted to cook that, right? I turned on the stove…” and then after dinner was served I wandered through the kitchen and went “Ah … and I have now turned off the stove.”
So far we have only boiled one pot dry, and it was not actually ruined because the scary mineral crust at the bottom was just salt from the salted pasta water and not actually damage to the pan, even though the color of the outside of the pan is now a lovely red-to-orange ombre instead of the original red. (We shall ignore the time that I boiled the electric kettle dry, because that was when I was living by myself in a studio apartment.)
i have ADD too (and it will always be ADD to me). you’ve totally described some of my days!
Amazing post. Thank you and Amen.
Just LOVE this! So me…..
I honestly didn’t know I had add I thought everyone’s brain was like a squirrel on speed. I technically haven’t been diagnosed but after talking to some people with it I’m 99.9% sure I have it. Plus this whole post was me except I don’t have a dog. I forget to eat all day and wonder why I’m hungry. I forget to go pee even tho I’ve had to go for hours. And sleep wth is sleep. Thanks for letting me know it’s not just me. Luv all you weirdlings
Read a paragraph, remember that I’ve been out of cheese for two weeks because I keep forgetting to get it at the store so I go to write it down on the list. A cookbook is sitting next to the pad and I remember that I need to get ingredients for a recipe I want to try so I look it up and add three more things to the list.
Come back, read a couple more paragraphs, remember that the load of laundry in the dryer is done and I need to take it out and put the wet stuff in because if I don’t do it now I’ll forget it and it will sit in the washer all day until I get home from work.
Come back, think about another recipe I want to try and I need to look it up on the internet, but I need to finish this first because it’s going to take a while to find a simple recipe instead of a fancy gourmet one.
Finish reading, it’s time to go to work so the dry laundry is going to have to sit on the couch until I get home tonight, or perhaps I’ll do it tomorrow.
Wonder if a pillbox and an apple watch with alarms set for when to take meds would help? I have to take a handful of meds day and night because of my heart condition, depression, anxiety and side effects of all that. I fill a pillbox every week as it empties. If I miss a morning or a night, I can see it. It’s not a perfect system, but it mostly works. But as I write all this, it occurs to me you’ve probably tried everything. But, I just want to be helpful.
YES YES YES!!! This describes my life far too well!
I too have ADD/HD, depression, anxiety and now a wonky thyroid. The new thyroid is extra fun because when they ask about symptoms every bloody one of them is exactly what it feels like to have ADHD and/or depression and/or anxiety.
Wheeeeeeeee
I feel you!!
What’s the problem? You sound normal to me. ADD? So what? I like to deficit attention to lots of things, more and more the older I get. Seriously, if it’s not on fire or not chocolate, it doesn’t need my attention anyway.
Oh so your days are exactly like mine. It’s so good to see it written by someone else.
Thank you for reminding me I needed to check whether the laundry in dryer had actually dried after I had thought of it a half dozen times already.
Also brought an 85lb Lab to the vet last month, walked past THREE leashes before I left, and even reminding myself to grab one every time I walked by, got to the vet only to realize no leash. Luckily vet had one of the corded ones.
I realize I may sound like a [reader’s choice] for saying this, your day sounds to tend toward a bit exhausting and frustrating. And as I’m reading along, I can’t help but relate to quite a few of the examples since covid/quarantines/wfh disrupted what routines I’d been living with, and after 14 months I still haven’t managed to regain the level of functionality I feel I had pre-pandemic; I won’t (and really can’t) say I get it and can appreciate how having ADD feels and impacts life, I think I may have a better (albeit and admittedly very limited) understanding of the confusion (as well as, in my specific case, crashing into a wall/hard stop processing) that seems to happen for some, though I’m not sure I would have realized that had you not remembered (or decided?) to post that post.
This is horribly rambling, sorry, congrats on first days in real buildings and thank you Jenny for being as open as you are about life as you live it
I have ADD as an adult but thankfully it isn’t as bad as it could be. I do alot of the same things, only I never forget to eat. My body really shuts down and I get hangry and make bad decisions. The laundry thing, and shower thing(which I keep forgetting to do), no dog to walk(no responsible enough for one), and well just every day too. It’s a shit show and no one has died, so I guess I’m adulting just enough to keep the funny farm a distant worry.
I could have written this. THIS is how I live every, single day.
I’m sympathetic to YOUR struggles, yet I continue to beat myself up for doing the EXACT same things that you’re describing.
I have written a couple of little encouragement notes to myself that I’ve place by the bed and near the computer and I DO feel a little less guilty when I read a note, but most of the time I’m tired and frustrated that my brain doesn’t work as easily as other people’s brains seem to work.
FORTUNATELY, the weather is now nice in New England and the door to the backyard stays wide open for most of the day, so at least I know the dogs are taking care of their own pee needs and I can count that as an accomplishment!
Thank you for putting the ADDers Day in the Life out there for those who don’t have it or have an ADDer of their own.
Susan
I want a washer that will text me when the clothes are done. And then keep texting me ever hour until it actually detects that the washer has been opened and the clothes removed.
System seems to have eaten my comment, since I can’t recall what I’d written, will simply say congrats on school and thank you Jenny for your insights into life as you live it
I’m having the absolute WORST day and needed the pep talk at the end. Thank you 💙💜
Okay. I don’t have ADD/ADHD and I still manage to spend most days distracted and forgetful. I’ve comforted myself that it’s probably a Menopause thing. And now I want to give you fair warning that Menopause will double your fun.
Yeeeeessss!! That’s how my days are, minus the writing and success. My daughter and I both have ADD (inattentive) so parenting is the blind leading the blind.🤦♀️
I giggled my way through this post and then suddenly remembered I needed to check the dryer. Hmmmm . . .
I can never remember to take my meds either, or if I have, and I have SOOO MANY (hello #ChronicandMentalIllnesses), so I created a spreadsheet I print out every week, and I put it on the counter with all of my meds, and with a pen, and then I cross off each time I take the med and write the actual TIME I took it…
I’ve put it on my blog if anyone wants to use it for themselves – Find it on dSavannahRambles.
… and I wish I could edit my comment because of course the link didn’t copy properly (thanks brain fog!) so you can scroll down to the “Tracking Documents” section or try this link: Med Tracking documents on dSavannahRambles
I love this and you and omg I think I have the same thing. Mostly my depression is the main asshole so I only have the energy to lay in bed. But anxiety/ADD start and my thoughts resemble a Pollok painting. Then I fall into a fitful sleep which does no good restoratively speaking so I have even less energy. I love the days the ADD is the driver/main asshole because I start a bunch of shit. May finish it, may not.
Is it okay that I’m sympathizing and laughing at the same time? Because oh my freaking gods that sounds impossible…but you’re still doing all the things! Even if you don’t remember, or when you repeat them! Plus, you share them with us, so we can send you virtual hugs, and feel better about our own out-of-control nonsense. So, you’re awesome…and thank you!
Replace the details with my life details and this is me. I really need to go get an official diagnosis. And maybe meds. Those might help. If I remember to and when I take them.
Dang it! I have laundry in the washer! I can’t remember how long it’s been there. Guess I’ll wash it again. Thanks for the reminder!
Nailed it. You make me be less hard on myself. Have ADHD and struggle with hyper focus and oh look at the squirrel 🐿️ who does not want to come see me as I’m half way through feeding the multitude of cats and oh damn the dog, multiple half finished sewing projects amid homeschooling and questions about what’s for dinner and when was the last time cat box was scooped. What’s today? And a plethora of half started stories and did u get to that today projects when awe my raccoons are here to eat – such sweet patient grabby paws let me get u a bite and wait it’s what 11:30? Oh why am I not in bed? Well no wonder I’m getting tired oh well I’ll get more done tomorrow ( my favorite promise/ lie to myself but trying really damn hard). Did I feed the cats ?
We love u Jenny from this circus 🎪 of monkeys to u. ((HUGS))
I got nothing but a big hug for you and what you go through some days (or maybe all days).
This is why I think I need a babysitter. It’s 4 o’clock – still haven’t taken my meds. Just ate a 1/2 container of cottage cheese – for BREAKFAST. See you at 3!
I can relate to so much of this, although I don’t have the ADD diagnosis. I probably do have it though, along with OCD, anxiety, depression, and PTSD. And my teenage daughter has Inattentive type ADD, OCD, anxiety, depression, and celiac disease. Today was hard; I just broke down crying at her doctor appointment. I’m so tired. Reading this made me feel not so alone. Thank you Jenny.
My daughter had ADHD Inattentive. I am over the top organized because it sets off my anxiety if I am not. As you can probably imagine, we have major fights to the point my husband would dread coming home. I try really hard to be patient but this is a great reminder that her actions (or lack of) are not intentional.
So needed this
I have ADHD impulsive type, but I do struggle a lot with memory because of the meds I am on for various things. What helps me is I have a whiteboard in my kitchen and when I remember I need to do something I write it on the whiteboard. When I complete something I erase it. That helps me not let things fall through the cracks even if I get sidetracked by something. I also set appt reminders on my phone and medication reminders. I take my meds first thing when I get up in the morning. Before I do ANYTHING else, that way I don’t forget them. I have a reminder on my phone at night for my night meds and so does my husband as a backup. I take vyvanse the days I work because I just can’t handle all of the constant high executive function tasks I have to do without it. I think because memory is such a challenge it’s pushed me to get proactive about how to help myself and that’s why I’ve got all of these systems in place. Yes I still forget things or I get sidetracked by one thing while doing the others but now that I have my whiteboard system if I see something that needs attention I know I can walk away from it, write it down and it will still get taken care of later. That kind of gives me permission not to chore hop.
They make inexpensive timer pill bottle caps that can let you know if you’ve taken your meds. They also make an expensive, super fancy pill dispenser that you load all of your pills into. I didn’t look into it past the part that it was like $200. Of course, you can go with those big pill organizers that make you feel like you’re 80. Anyway…what was I saying? Oh right, timer pill bottle caps.
There was a time when I laughed at myself hysterically, don’t remember the exact details, but I found myself looking in my closet for, say, a screwdriver, in only pants and a bra, one sock, and carrying something else, maybe my breakfast sandwich. Yeah.
Hi Jenny,
Long time reader, first time commenter (I think…I can’t 100% remember due to memory loss stuff, but I think you get that). Just wanted to say that I’m reading Broken while hiding from my “found family” (in a hipster brewery with too many aioli and sour beer options cause choice paralysis regarding hiding places won out before I could see just how hipster it is in here) cause anxiety and depression and cptsd are royal bitches. And, like always, you reminded me that it’s okay to not be okay and to laugh at just how not okay you are, and you reminded me that maybe the only solution to not feeling like a worm doesn’t have to be ending-every-beautiful-magical-relationship-cause-I’m-fucking-everything-up or suicide. Thank you for sharing your stories and your simple, exquisite honesty.
Christy V.
SO glad to know I’m not the only one with squirrels in her brain! And have you all noticed that when you are sick – on top of having adhd/add- that it’s even worse? Today I lost my credit card at the grocery store, then turned on the wrong burner, which cracked my stoneware pan AND lit the unbaked garlic bread sitting on the pan ON FIRE! I realized during all of this that yes, I am coming down with the nasty cold my 2 kids have had this week. LOL. Going to bed now.
Whenever you feel like you’re the only one…you’re in mighty good company! AMEN SISTER (S)!
I hear ya.
One tip that has helped me… a pen on a lanyard around my neck. Of course it has to be the RIGHT pen.
Baby steps.
I was only just diagnosed with ADHD in March, at the age of 59-going-on-60, and I can definitely related to #27, rockinlibrarian. (Another librarian! I also spent what I jokingly call my “misspent youth” hanging out w/too many musicians mainly on the alternative music circuit, trying to be the next Annie Leibovitz, which clearly didn’t happen.) I’m only just finding out that there are different types of ADHD/ADD, and that hyperfocus is a sign you *have* it, not a sign that you don’t; I’ve always been good at disappearing into things and finally emerging, blinking, hours later. I was another smart girl who behaved and got good grades, so of course I wouldn’t have anything wrong…except now there’s ADHD, depression, anxiety, and either the high end of the autism spectrum or a hell of a lot of the symptoms thereof, and being badly socialized by my mom didn’t help, either. GAAAAAAAAAHHH… I remember to take care of the laundry and take my meds for my various physical and mental ailments, but I can’t remember how to do things at work that I’ve done before but my brain just isn’t storing them properly, or something…and did I mention I have mild-to-moderate inner ear nerve damage that I got when I was 2 years old in a fender bender, not during my 20s/30s/40s. So yeah, I’m a mess, and I can completely relate to Jenny and everyone else here.
Oh my goodness- you are so funny! I work with ADHD women and you are not in the least bit exaggerating (I have ADHD as well). Thanks for sharing- I’ll be sending this to my ADHD peeps.
There’s a list of famous people who have been beheaded?!?! Wow! I’m intrigued, yet slightly disturbed by this information. And I definitely have to check it out! Oh, yeah – loved the blog. It was spot on. I didn’t realize I was ADD until you described your day. I may have to look into that!
Jesus, Mary and the Wee donkey, AMEN!
And then there’s using anxiety to try to manage your ADHD.
It’s kinda like stapling Post-it notes to your forehead. It can work, in a limited way, but then all the discrete staple-wound pains start blending together so you can’t remember exactly what it was that you were trying desperately to remember, and you bleed all over the Post-it notes so the ink blurs and they fall off…
Plus, your metaphors start really alarming people. The bloody forehead doesn’t help.
You are just fine Jenny! I love you! ❤️
Inattentive here too! In fact, I was going to start back on Adderall this morning, but I forgot. Maybe tomorrow? But spending all day beating myself up for not getting anything done while still not getting anything done and then staying up too late despite knowing my 3 and 4 year olds will wake me up bright and early is also going great.
OMG……..no wonder you are SO exhausted………
Shampoo with conditioner, 2 in 1…all I ever buy…just sayin’
I got an app called Round Health. Now the alarm windows continuously remind me to take my pills in their weird orders and I don’t ever forget. Because if I did my phone won’t let me! Thanks goodness. Having that app is a life saver, and that’s a lot for an app. As long as I keep my phone charged and can find my phone. Then it’s all golden:)
I read this to my daughter and she realized why I leave clothes in the washer and bread in the toaster. So much of what you write rings true. I am afraid of getting ADHD meds because I have constant thoughts and I am afraid I will lose my creativity and inventiveness. But I do forget to pay my taxes and stuff…
The problem with ADD/ADHD/Variants is not the person, but society. I have it pretty severely and had an “AHA” moment when I read an article about a psychological concept that says if someone is diagnosed with a disorder, but outside influences from society is removed and the symptoms and distress of the disorder disappear, then it’s not actually a disorder. It’s a societal problem. There are many subjects this could be applied to, but I realized I am who I am, and I operate just fine when I’m allowed to do so without the cookie-cutter rules that society places on me. I firmly believe that one should make their own choices and decide what’s right for them, but when I stopped trying to force myself to perform a task exactly how the “rest of the world” does it, I found I was perfectly fine and productive enough. I was enough.
I don’t want to imply that medication is evil or a bad idea. I think medication can save lives when it comes to mental health. For me it wasn’t the answer.
We are raised being told that being unique makes us special. Being an individual person is a good thing to be… but then we are put in school with rigid curriculums and rules about how we are supposed to learn. Then we are put into the workforce with standards and protocols that are rigid and used to measure productivity. In effect, we’re told we are broken if we aren’t able to step in line and do it the ‘right’ way like everyone else.
If I’m given the tools to learn and complete tasks that work for me, I thrive and have been recognized more than once as a VIP. I have also been fired because the people in charge had no interest flexibility or individuality.
I hope that my experience helps someone love themselves.
I hear you so loud and clear!
It was several years after one of my kids was diagnosed ADD that I finally realized that described me as well. Perfectionism is part of it. And if I didn’t already know, you’ve totally described my scatterbrained day, including laundry, meds, and rabbit holes. Guess who was going to wash 2 loads of laundry this evening and its now 11pm and I haven’t even started?! Oh, and my ADD kid was finally professionally diagnosed by a psychologist just prior to his 21st birthday (in time to get himself reinstated into college and also his financial aid reinstated, before he flunked out again). Turns out he’s *not* ADD even though I clearly am (undiagnosed). He’s “high functioning autistic. After another false start, he did graduate with a community college degree in 3 years time. He’s not working in that field *but* I count it a huge win that he finished something!
Meanwhile, I still have at least one load of laundry to start tonight but I’m typing this to you and hoping you’ll read it in solidarity. (I clicked “mark as unread” at least 3 times today in my 10 minutes of looking at email.)
Also, daily pill dispenser (twice a day for me) at least let me know if I took meds or not. Because I’d have no idea otherwise!
You totally described my whole day/s……….I don’t know if I have ADHD (not hyperactive) as Doctors in England aren’t happy diagnosing things and would rather send you away with “If it gets worse come back and see me” and you don’t coz what’s the point?
OMG, This is literally Me! I even got up at 3:30 a.m. to take a Benadryl to help me sleep and read this instead. Now I can’t remember if I took the Benadryl! I never knew I have had ADD all my life until I read this (And I’m almost 76). Actually, maybe it’s late in life onset of ADD, since I don’t remember if I always acted like this. I’ll ask my husband and see what he has to say. I think I already know the answer. What was the question?
Anyway, thank you for sharing this. I needed a good laugh at 3:30 a.m. We all need a good laugh at any time.
Good night! – I mean, Good morning! But I’m going back to bed.
seems some days are long and tiring, for sure, yet not quite as productive as anticipated. funny that.
Setting a timer that does not stop sounding till I physically shut it off helps me not forget the laundry. MUST move the laundry before shutting off the timer (or resetting it if wet clothes are put into the dryer)
Had a friend who announced for one month they were going to go to bed whenever and get up whenever and become the night owl they thought they always wanted to be. Explained to friends/family/coworkers, etc, so they’d be on board. (Mostly worked from home, so worked for the job) One month because it was an easily defined time frame and would be sufficient to know if/how to adjust plans/schedules/life after the experiment to function better at home as well as in society. Was interesting. and so worthwhile.
@Karen Cullen: ADHD doesn’t just find its way into our lives in adulthood unless there’s been a brain injury or other such event; it’s something we’re generally born with, though we may not discover “it” until we’re well into adulthood. This is especially true for girls.women because unlike boys/men, we generally internalize our symptoms vs acting them out (think: boys in school who are loud and hyperactive- they get the attention and thus the diagnosis/treatment).
Regardless of age, if anyone is having ADHD symptoms, I’d highly suggest getting evaluated and treated for it. Meds aren’t always the solution (pills don’t make skills), but they sure can help.
Check out my work- I write and present extensively on women with ADHD and am passionate about helping women find their paths even when ADHD might make it a bit difficult.
This is why we revere you so – you may call yourself a Bloggess, but we know you’re a queen. Thank you for putting so much of yourself out there for us to see.
Jenny Lawson you are awesome. Thank you for explaining so well the world I live in. And making me laugh.
That reminds me, I should take my pill.
I can’t believe how much I see of me in this post. I thought I was alone. Thank you for making me feel less anxious about my dysfunctional brain. Hugs!
My latest excuse for my ADD: “Sorry, there was a shiny thing in the corner that distracted me.”
At Container Store, generic boxes with little compartments cost about $2. Use a Sharpie, label the little compartments. Now you know whether you have taken the Wednesday morning, or Friday afternoon, Adderall/Ritalin/etc.
If you travel by airplane, you’ll have to put the meds back in their Rx bottle (if you take a CDS… most are). But, also take the empty little box, and you can reorganize when you get where you are going.
Easy (well, once you have done that with a new bottle of pills enough to make it a habit); cheap; preserves peace of mind!
When I was sick with covid I was on about a dozen different medications…only way I was able to keep it straight was a pill organizer that had 4 slots each day, 7 days, one for morning, lunch, dinner, bedtime.
That way I knew…if the pill was in there, I hadn’t taken it yet.
it’s amazing I’m not dead by now.
I loved this especially the part about the leash. Dorothy Barker has a good setup. This is also really helpful in trying to sort out my own issues – I haven’t that I remember left bread in the toaster overnight but I have mentioned my friend’s move that I’m helping with – tiny details – to my husband 1,000 times in the last few days, and am like that with whatever i am currently hyperfocused on. I keep switching from taking my meds (not for ADD) from morning to night because – did i take them? Better to double take or miss a dose? I’ll just take them tonight and switch my “routine.” I also really relate to the saving unanswered emails for some future email accomplishment day – similar to the box of broken things (I made a jigsaw puzzle out of a picture of them) waiting for “fixing day.” I moved 3000 miles from Oregon to DC with the starter yeast of this box. As a kid I would find books my mom, also never diagnosed, had left in the freezer.
Thank you for posting this! I was just diagnosed in the last couple of months at 37, and am still discovering a lot. When others share their experiences, it helps me better identify things I’m dealing with and judging myself for, so thank you for being vulnerable! I want to pay that forward when I get more of a grasp on this whirlwind.
I binged your audiobooks, “Broken” and “Furiously Happy” just this last week. With all that and this post, thank you. I enjoy what you choose to share and I can resonate with quite a bit of it as well.
Thank you. I was diagnosed with ADHD myself 2 years ago, at 44. It totally explained how I was constantly working but never had anything to show for it. My unmedicated days look exactly like the one you described above. Hell, my medicated days still look like that, but maybe less frantic? Anyway, thank you, because you and your books have helped me get that diagnosis and feel less like a hot mess, and maybe just a tepid mess.
I understand as a fellow person with anxiety and procrastination tendencies (which as ya know exasperate the anxiety) Having a “frazzled brain” as my dad would say humorously. I think the term distracted is ok cause I’m very interested in many things. I just have a tricky time sorting it all out. I never liked the negative connotation terms often associated with ADD/ADHD, anxiety, depression and other mental or emotional characteristics people possess. And I mean the word possess: being a certain way isn’t negative or wrong. Own your power! Been binge watching the show Discovery of Witches and got carried away.
Once I realized thanks to quarantine, being laid off, and now working from home, that staying motivated to keep working and following through on tasks is hard. I’m not much of a morning person and like you I get my stride in later in the day and then stay up late struggling to calm my busy mind. My guy is a morning person and more easily adapts to culturally-acceptable work hours. During research I found out humans have numerous body-brain rhythms and many writers, artists, and other creative types do not fall into the norm work hours. The anxious guilt I felt started to melt away. I now find and do what feels good for me.
*One of us!
I never post replies to anything because somehow it is scary to me, but I had to reply to this one.
I literally (four days ago) finally started taking ADD meds after getting diagnosed at 39. And I couldn’t figure out WHY my anxiety, which has been under control for a hot second was going through the roof. This explains everything and makes so much more sense. Also I am not alone.
Thank you so so much.
My suggestion, which may not be helpful: get a one-week pill holder, fill it with the week’s meds on a specific mark-able day of the week (a day where something else happens that can remind you to re-do it), and then you will know whether you have taken today’s meds (provided you do end up refilling it, and provided you have a way of identifying what day it is Today; I do not always remember whether it is Tuesday or Wednesday and have to look it up). I do not have ADD/ADHD, so there may be other available pitfalls, but a weekly-pill-holder and being consistent with taking the medications [note: habit chaining is magic] is what makes me not second-guess myself excessively most mornings and then end up either taking none or twice the amount (either of which would make me Very Sick for the day).
Sweet baby Elvis on a ritz cracker, YES TO THIS.
Wondering if anyone has advice for living with others with ADD (and anxiety/depression). I live with 3 other people who each have at least some combination of the above. Especially with my “step” daughters (both young adults) I struggle with the balance of being understanding of their ADD and holding them accountable for their responsibilities as they journey towards independence. The amount of follow up needed is sometimes hard for my non-ADD brain to comprehend.
So this has nothing to do with today’s post, but I finished reading Broken and had an idea for you not to have to lose your shoes again. Remember when we were kids and our mittens had strings connecting them up to each other then we ran the string up our coat sleeves…? I’m thinking, pant strings attached to your shoes. This may cause a serious tripping hazard but would certainly ensure that your shoes were never left behind in an elevator again…
This is maybe a little “more” than me, but basically summarized a day in my life.
I’ve come to believe over the past few years that I’ve had ADD my whole life, but I’m 53 and have no idea how to go about getting a diagnosis as an adult.
Honestly, the “hand computer” is the worst…. So easy to pick it up to check a text message and end up down some rabbit hole.
Yes my day exactly! I have overly exercised dogs. I wonder why I’m not rail thin??? Oh yeah- forgot my thyroid pill. I also have to manage my really ADD girl. (I refuse to use the ADHD name for her- there is NO H about her) the poor thing never remembers her pill. I have taken to using one of those old lady pill of the day holder. That way we don’t kill her overmedicating her. Just have to remember to set it up Sunday night. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hailey is a beautiful young woman
I have anxiety and depression and ADD would be one of the plausible cherries on top of my challenging mental landscape.
My husband has been diagnosed with ADD himself, but he also sees a lot of me in this post.
My dryer-esque downfall is the God damn bathroom fan after I shower. I never remember to turn it off and have resigned to my husband doing it for me for eternity. It is my domestic kryptonite.
My husband also loathes the sound of any fan at all, so the fact he hasn’t murdered me yet nor combusted like the muppet Beaker at me is a miracle.
Needless to say we are a dynamic duo of grab bag strangeness with dashes of lovingly well intentioned neurosis mixed in.
The following are things that help my squirrel brain that hopefully help others:
I never rely just on my memory. My cell phone (Iphone) calendar as well as my notes section are my life lines.
My calendar is full of “events” that ring constantly (wash the coffee pot, dust, call the dentist, etc) that reminds me of to-dos and also future apts that I need to prepare for. My phone is my helper dog.
It keeps me (relatively???) on task. The moment I know I have to do something I write it down in my phone calendar and set multiple ringer reminders.
I also write to-do lists in the notes section of phone and delete those tasks the moment I finish those.
As for the dryer (I RELATE) I actually put a timer on my microwave because that timer is so fucking loud and annoying there is no way I could ignore it or forget about it.
Also if anyone leaves damp clothes too long in the dryer (dryer smells) the way to clean it is:
Remove the clothes from dryer and rewash. Then take an empty, clean spray bottle and fill it up with plain cleaning vinegar or simply white vinegar.
Very lightly mist spritz the inside of your dryer cavity (avoid the electronic elements) and the door and wipe the inside of your dryer and door with clean paper towels or microfibres. Then grab two large clean towels, saturate those in white vinegar and throw those into the dryer to dry on the hottest longest setting. Nice clean dryer. No more moldy dryer!!!
I still get distracted, derail, and obsess (probably obviously also have OCD, exhibit A ^) but I’m as productive as I can possibly can be. I rely on certain tools to help my fish/squirrel brain and it makes my life (a little) easier. Hope this helps!! Be kind to yourselves everyone and thank you Jenny along with everyone else for your comments-it makes me feel less alone ☺️
I. Feel. Seen.
(Now I need to go move my laundry, but my crappy executive functioning and ADHD-I means that I feel like it is impossible to get up and do it while reading this and also watching an MST3K livestream. But if I don’t, I will be rewashing my laundry in T-minus 48 hours when I finally remember it again…)
Is it terrible that the first thing I did was check for the list of ways people died at Walt Disney World. And then remember that I left wet clothing in the laundry and half filled and half emptied the dish washer…sigh…I might just go to bed on that note, but I do want to read about the people and Disney…
I’m so sorry to suggest, but I won’t sleep if I don’t. ❤ It might be time to ask Victor to hand you the pills in the morning so you are sure to take one dose early in the day, you can maybe sleep earlier, and he can be sure you’re okay. After a few weeks it may help overall? Love you and thank you for sharing this. It’s…comforting. In an odd way. 😊
I find that one of those “pill a day” boxes works for me. It has two sections, one for the morning and one for the evening. It’s not foolproof (obviously I have to remember to open it…) but it helps. I keep physical lists for important things because electronic ones get lost… eventually things either get done or they don’t matter anymore. I am a teacher, and have learned to focus on the ONE important task that faces me right now, to use “tickler files” for lessons (I have one for today on the desk and a large one with the rest of this week and next weeks’ lessons). I put them in order of when I will use them in the day and just work through them. There are other systems, but that keeps my students engaged, safe, and learning what they need. You are not alone, and you are worthy of the same love and patience you give others.
I see the same early ADD indicators in our sweet, bright and very creative 5-year-old grandson as I did in his dad when he was that age. Our son fought every effort to acknowledge his challenges and introduce routine. He hated taking meds – which must have been terrible in school when the kids had to line up outside of the nurse’s door with everyone staring. He became a terrible liar – terrible because he was so bad at it. He was a good kid who spent so much time and effort desperately trying to hide his struggles, and then was shocked to find himself having to dig out of deeper and deeper holes. And we wasted a lot of time being angry at what seemed like intentional behavior. Really hope things will be easier, or more manageable, for the little man.
I got my first ADHD diagnosis in 1983. It was pretty much unheard of for a girl to have ADHD in the 80’s. I remember people coming in to sit in the back of my classrooms to observe me, though I didn’t realize they were watching ME at the time. I guess I’m quite literally a textbook case. My parents didn’t really discuss it with me. I had to go to the office to take my Ritalin everyday but I didn’t know why or what it was for. I don’t think I ever questioned it. What I do remember is finding a reference to my “learning disability” on some paperwork in a kitchen drawer when I was around 10 or 11 and crying because I thought that meant I was stupid. I also remember being bullied by my teachers. Isolated. Made to sit in the back of the room by myself. Yelled at. My desk dumped in the floor so I could find some worksheet I didn’t even remember being assigned. One teacher snapped and started screaming at me in the middle of a lesson because I was moving my fingers and it was driving her crazy. She just stopped mid-sentence and started wiggling her fingers in my face screaming about how annoying I was. I’m nearly 47 years old and still think about that. I still remember her coffee breath and green Gucci shoes. By middle school they had stopped yelling and just started giving me detention for things like doodling. One teacher told my mom, right in front of me, that I was “lazy and well never amount to anything”. High school was worse. By then ADHD diagnosis was common. I was told “everyone claims to have ADHD nowadays. It’s an excuse and I’m tired of hearing it.” Although there’s still a very long way to go, I’m very glad kids with ADHD now have rights, advocacy, and the ADA. I’m so glad there’s more transparency and accountability to prevent kids from being bullied and abused by teachers and principals the way I was. Finally, I’m glad that despite my lifelong hatred of school I nonetheless decided to give college a try. The syllabus was a real game changer for me. I earned a Bachelor of Business, cum laude, a Juris Doctorate, and passed 2 bar exams. I raised an amazing daughter who is now a school teacher. She is an English teacher and one on one tutor in an inner-city Juvenile Detention Center. Her job is honestly my dream job and I live vicariously through her, helping the most at risk kids by teaching them to use language and the written word to advocate for themselves. I spent several years as a child advocate in the courtroom and now work in a free legal clinic within Juvenile Court. I’ve often thought about becoming someone who lectures at schools and teaching conferences, sharing my ADHD story in order to help other kids not go through what I went through. I’ve also thought numerous times about tracking down all those teachers who bullied me to tell them they were wrong. I did amount to something! I’m sorry. This post was a lot longer and more serious than I intended it to be. Thank you for sharing your story. Your advocacy is so needed and important.
I have inattentive too. It can be a problem, for sure. Also, I was tired at the end of the article because it is exhausting to live a life like this, and to write about it is a true gift.
No, Jenny, you are not alone. Thank you for writing about your life and so eloquently. Knowing that others struggle, too, is comforting in a way.
I am 100% with you on this!
I feel like I should apologize for not getting around to reading this for 2 days (or is it 3 because the day it was written counts?) I finally got around to it because it is open in tab #30 out of 31 on window #1 out of 6. Turns out that is 114 tabs total. I did it on a calculator because counting 6 windows of tabs and keeping all the numbers in my head at once is just not a thing. Anyway, the actual reason I finally remembered to read it is that I have so many tabs open in Window #1 that it was at risk of getting hidden behind those 3 dots when you have too many tabs open.
12 tabs in Window #1 are recipes I need to look at in case I want to bookmark them. The entirety of Window #2 is recipes as well.
(I just turned 48, so for those a bit younger, in my world # means ‘number’ and not #hashtag. I am hanging onto that and my side part. Not intended as snark, my kids legit give me grief about it.)
I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until age 47. Bipolar type 2 and anxiety have been my jam.
I started using a ToDoIst app with Every. Fucking. Thing. on it including meds. If I forget to check it off on my app, after a while my reflux lets me know I forgot. GERD to the rescue!
The massive amount of guilt I feel for ‘giving’ my kid ADHD is exhausting. I cry every time I think about how much he struggles. My eyes just started burning because here comes the cry.
It is 9:06. I should probably take my meds, eat, and shower.
Still without a formal ADHD diagnosis, but it runs in the family, and I’ve been doing my research, which is pointing to “Yup. This is you”.
Feeling very seen in this post. Thank you for putting words to a very chaotic life and thought process.
I think the leash connected to nothing with the perplexed Dorothy Barker should be your next book cover.
This is very like my life but of course totally different and I just want to say that it is indeed VERY VERY EXHAUSTING.
You’ve just explained my life. I guess I need to ask about meds. 💙
I did need to hear this!:
” I think you need someone to tell you that you’re doing fine. Even when you’re sort of falling apart and doing it all wrong, you’re doing just fine. Just like everyone else. Just like the person reading this right now. ”
Thank you for being you and sharing your struggles. I feel like I am falling apart all the time and never get anything actually done. I have also totally done the laundry thing and I get so mad at myself for forgetting how many times I forgot to switch the laundry. But then I thought back to when I didn’t have my own laundry machine and doing the laundry took literally an entire day:
Getting quarters, getting together all of the laundry, getting the laundry in the car, driving to the laundromat, realizing I forgot detergent, driving home, no detergent at home, driving to the store to buy detergent, buying a bunch of other things but not detergent, going to another store to buy detergent since im too embarrassed to go back in for the one thing I came for and forgot…
And that’s why I used to drive around with laundry in my car……
And I realized how far I’ve come.
Thank you.
Except for the pet parts and the toaster part, sounds really familiar. (no pets and i prefer my bread untoasted). I had to get dressed and go to the drive thru pharmacy window this morning before I could start work because I took the last of my ADD meds yesterday and then ordered the refill, because I LITERALLY can’t remember to refill my prescription when I’m supposed to (i.e. before I run out.) I knew that if I started work though, I would not only get nothing done, but I’d forget to go to the pharmacy until well after it was closed.
It does help to know we’re not alone.
Thank you for continuing to remind me that I’m not alone – that there are others that “lightly hate” themselves and can’t remember anything for more than the 5 minutes it takes to get distracted by something else…even less important than the first thing (probably…I forget what the first thing was now). Thank you for accurately describing what it’s like trying to balance ADD and anxiety (impossible). And I guess I should thank the universe (or Amazon) for delivering some random persons package to me (You Are Here) or I may never have discovered you and this tribe.
I just washed the same shirt three times because 1) I forgot it in the dryer so it was horribly wrinkled, so 2) washed and dried it but spilled some cat food on it before I got it out of the basket so 3) washed and dried it AGAIN and this time managed to get it onto a hanger and into my closet. Whew!!!
Yes and yes. Especially the shower! It’s before any caffeine and I’ll just space out, forget where I am, etc. I don’t think I come across as ADD to a lot of people though (unless they are also ADD and then they totally know) because I’m fairly disciplined so my exterior seems calm and capable even when my insides are crazy. But being disciplined is both a positive and a negative with ADD. Like sometimes the discipline counteracts the ADD tendencies and other times the ADD is the one disciplined, which basically means the ADD wins that day. If you know what I mean.
I don’t have ADD or ADHD or anything else, but crud….your day sounds like mine. Mmmmmm….I leave my office and have to literally stop and think whether I took the train or drove in…
I am so thankful I finally remembered to ask my mental health provider about more of my issues with functioning at work…and home. I cannot recall if I have bought certain groceries and have ended up with 3 pounds of different cheeses because I am positive I ‘need it soon’.
Many years with depression and SAD – now I am having moderate success with a low dose of adderall – it had enough improvement that my coworkers noticed the difference within 2-3 days.
One coworker is the inspiration for asking about it with my provider.
Though I hate the “The wash load is done” beep-beeping I am coming to appreciate it for reducing the re-washing.
Now to figure out how to remember to clean the cat boxes more diligently. The cats deserve it.
Thank you. Thank you for putting words to what many of us experience in some way shape or form every day.
I was just recently diagnosed with ADHD. I figured it out late in life. I’m almost 40.
How did I figure it out? My son is 8. Almost 9. Sometimes he is the male version of my little self. I started asking if he had ADHD. We did the screening together. He was a yes for almost every question. High yes. Only, so was I. It was eye opening.
Now we are walking it together. He and I both got our diagnoses officially from the doctor at the same time. We’re going a natural route for doctor prescribed supplements. I’m excited for us both to untap some potential awesome.
In theory.
If we remember to take our stuff.
Am back. Been a few years (years?!?), read this and cried, cried with relief! Wanting to shove it in faces of folks and say READ THIS MOTHER FUCKER! (which i would never do).
Thank you. Have fallen in love with you all over again.
Johnnie Tate
For real this is why I got one of those washer/dryer 1 hole combos.
A suggestion: a daily pill sorter. Maybe delegate filling it once a week to a non-ADD family member. Keep it out somewhere you amd they can check it daily. Transparent or translucent is better than opaque.
This is my day and life!!!
Me reading this post at 7am:
Wait, did I take my medication? Where is my medication? I should see if I took it, but I have a cat on my lap. I’ll keep reading and check for it in a minute…
(still reading post (and rereading cause I’m laughing so hard))… ok, I think I got up and took my medication? I should check, but now I have 2 cats on my lap….
5 hours later F** I didn’t take my meds. Or did I?
I’m autistic and one summer I had the laundry in the machine for 2 months and it had holes in it by the time I took it out, I basically had to throw it out. I had to keep buying new underwear because i couldn’t deal with the laundry.
It’s like reading my own story – to the no “h”, anxiety and clinical depression (but add in Hashimotos hypothyroid – they also can masks as ADD, anxiety and depression 🙄), to the late night rabbit holes and the toast already in the toaster.
Just got diagnosed with ADHD-inattentive type this year! I knew I related to your blog for a reason!
We’re starting the process of getting my 20 yr old diagnosed with ADD & this sounds exactly like her. You might appreciate “If You Give a Moose a Muffin” as that also seems to describe her life. Thanks for helping make sense of ADD for those that don’t have it but live with someone that does.
This is my whole life as I’m currently unmedicated for various reasons (and writing this at 2am).
I was wondering if you had any tips for coping with parenting while sleeping at fucked up times with a much younger child/ren? Currently I nap in the morning while they watch tv and then hate myself for it which…isn’t great.
So I’m sharing my secret for remembering to take (at least your morning) drugs:
1) Get one of those weekly pill boxes for old folks (I know, I know) and fill it up.
2) Before you go to sleep at night, put your cell phone UNDER the pill box. Now in the morning, you can’t grab your phone without first grabbing your pills!
This strategy is my own invention, and now you all owe me a nickel.