Yesterday Hailey graduated from high school, which is weird because they graduated from kindergarten last week in almost the same outfit and when did time get all weird?
I wanted to leave them with some words of wisdom for college but all I could think was, “Red and yellow, kill a fellow…beer before liquor, never sicker” and that feels unhelpful (although still valid) so instead I’m putting together a little journal they can take with them to college with notes that might help them get through some of the hard and glorious times. Inspirational quotes from the greats, like Maya Angelou, who said, “A friend may be waiting behind a stranger’s face” or AA Milne who said, “You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes” or Jake the dog who said, “Dude. Sucking at something is the first step toward being sorta good at something.”
But I need many more so if you have an inspirational quote that gets you through the day or a life lesson you want to pass on or a life hack that helped you in a new beginning will you leave it here? And then I’ll print them all out and stuff them in Hailey’s suitcase when they leave and it’s like we’ll travel with them in some small way.
Now excuse me while I go cry for a few minutes.
“When a door closes, a window always opens” has stuck with me for many years. There will be doors that close along life’s way, but if you look around instead of fixating on the closed door, you realize that a window to a different opportunity has opened.
Sometimes the wear and tear on a chicken’s butt just ain’t worth the price of eggs.
Things won’t always go the way you plan them to be, but sometimes chaos is good
“Truth hurts. Lies kill.”
Anonymous.
Always offer a stranger your smile. It may be the only one they get!
Eat at least ONE totally awesome nutrious meal a day. Whenever. 8am, 3pm 11pm- just Get nutrients into your body.
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep”
~ Andrew Wyeth
This quote literally everything that can happen in life.
You’ve got this Momma Jenny. Hailey couldn’t have had a better mother, teacher, or role model to learn how to handle the ups and downs of this life. You and They are spectacular!
“Promise me you’ll always remember: you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
– Christopher Robin to Pooh
“Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.” (Credit: a fortune cookie I got during my college years)
Not all who wander are lost. JRR Tolkien
Congrats to Hailey, and good luck to you and Victor, Jenny. Hopefully they come home often for laundry and dinner and updates so you aren’t too empty-nester right away. 🙂
Simple but “righty tighty, lefty loosey” has helped me SO MANY times in my life
“Don’t borrow trouble.”. Something my mother always said whenever I would start to worry about something that (of course) had not happened yet and (of course) might not happen.
You can avoid laundry and rewear everything but underwear
“Have faith, and pursue the unknown end.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes
From me: All knowledge is worth having. Something you learn today may not be relevant or important for years, and you’ll be glad you learned it when that day comes!
We rise by lifting others. (Said to me by a wise person after i thanked her for kind words as my depressed brain is working overtime at convincing me i am worthless. She is/was correct on all accounts.)
From Terry Pratchett’s ‘Hogfather’.
Susan says “Don’t get afraid. Get angry.”
My dad often quotes Winston Churchill to me, saying “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” As I’ve always interpreted it, when your situation sucks it’s time to do something to change it.
“Change is the only constant” has been my lifelong motto!
I have survived 100% of my worst days.
Don’t sweat the small stuff….and it’s all small stuff. My hubby would tell me this over and over whenever I’d get stressed by work projects. Also, never stress over things you can’t control. I sense a pattern here…. Anyway, never too old to get good advice!
I’ve always liked this quote from my Aunt Fritz: “I’ll stay until I stop having fun and then I’m going home.”
Not sure if it’s helpful or not, but it does express a boundary of sorts.
Don’t cook bacon naked
All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen. – Conan O’Brien’s final monologue on The Tonight Show
“Do you know what a dream is? A dream is what keeps you going in a job you hate.”–Joel Maisel
Ya done good, mama. Just let them fly
When you are going through hell, keep on going,
An oldie.. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time”.
my life motto at the moment is: bite off more than you can chew, and chew like fuck.
This, from Kurt Vonnegut, sticks with me: “The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake.”
And given their voice, I think Hailey has a huge step up in practicing their art well and sharing it beautifully with others to make all our souls grow. Best to them!! ❤️❤️❤️
Success isn’t a straight line; it’s a scribble, said me looking at the screensaver on my doctor’s computer, which showed exactly that. If you google it you’ll see it and draw it instead of writing it. It’s very easy.
Tell the cops nothing. Tell the paramedics EVERYTHING.
Something I tell my girls (19 and 13):
Give yourself permission to change your mind- in majors, in jobs, in relationships – in pretty much any aspect of your life. The world will not come crashing to a halt. It’s something I wish someone had told me when I was that age.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things break. And all things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.
— L.R. Knost
“This is not a today-Rachel problem.” I tell myself this when I’m getting too overwhelmed with things that do not need to be solved or addressed right now. It keeps me focused on the present and helps prioritize.
“Go ahead and trust the public, but look both ways on a one-way street.” From my grandmother. One could probably cobble some deep philosophical meaning from this, but I’m very sleepy right now, so I’m going with the practical.
Everything worth doing, is worth doing poorly
Be the kind of person that is good in a crisis.
Life is like a bicycle, keep peddling or you’ll fall off!
I’ve always been partial to “If you’re walking on thin ice, you may as well go ahead and dance…”
Most of us in our family are a tad . . . Dramatique, so my dad would tell my sister and me when we flung ourselves into the walls at any slight disturbance in the force, to “wait and see.” Wait and see- most times the issue will work itself out, or a solution will come eventually. My sister and I have five grown kids, all dramatique in their own ways, so we tell them Papa’s words over and over. Wait and see. ❤️❤️ – “Wait and See” also makes a fabulous tattoo 😊
From Mary Anne Radmacher: “Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says, ‘I will try again tomorrow.'”
We are continually faced with beautiful opportunities, brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems.
Or something like that. I should look up who said it. I’ve been misquoting it since the late 1970’s.
Help is the sunny side of control-Anne Lamont
Not a quote but a suggestion. Leave your dorm room door open (when you are in the room) the first week or so. You’ll meet so many more people! My (age 56) and my girls (30, 27, 24) all still have our best friends from 1st week of college!
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
― Howard Thurman
Something I wish I had known when going to college: if you don’t know what to minor in, minor in business. It might actually benefit you in the long run, no matter what you do. Also: take classes outside your major that interest you.
“…I want to unfold. I don’t want to stay folded anywhere, because where I am folded, there I am a lie.” Rainer Maria Rilke
“Our lives teach us who we are.”
Salman Rushdie
And, on a similar note:
“Remember who you were, where you are, and how you got here.”
The two that I come back to time and time again are “We make the road by walking.” by Antonio Machado, and “The world is a very narrow bridge. The most important thing is not to be afraid.” (adapted from Rabbi Nachman of Breslov)
Dear Hailey,
I wrote this for my niece Josie when she graduated. You’re doing great, from what we can see. If what we can see does not cover all of it, you’re doing it right.
https://www.reverbnation.com/dylanbrody/song/24259903-song-for-josie <– advice for all the graduates.
If you’re not uncomfortable, you’re not growing.
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
If you are in bed, getting ready to call it a night, and someone calls or texts and says “Let’s go out!”, stay in bed. Nothing good ever happens if you get out of bed.
Situations may be difficult now, but remember, things will always change. It may be worse. It may be better. But, it will be change.
There are two things I wish I’d known heading into college. One is that John Hughes is a liar when it comes to boys (I’m a child of the 80’s).
The other is this from Maya Angelou and Oprah: When people show you who they are, believe them. The FIRST time.
No matter how bad it feels now, everything will always turn out for the best in the end.
Suggestion, not a quote. When you are in your dorm room the first few weeks, keep your door propped open. You’ll meet so many people that way! My daughters (30, 27, 24) and I all still have good friends we met that way our first weeks in college
Let them tell you no. Don’t you tell you no. And if they tell you no, question why. It might not stick.
Also, embrace the ridiculous. we are all a hot mess inside, and putting up a front to try and conceal it doesn’t help anyone.
Don’t be a dick…especially to yourself.
Sometimes you have to be lost before you can find yourself.
“The pen is mightier than the sword, and is considerably easier to write with.” – Marty Feldman
Watch out for that first step — it’s a DOOOOZY! -Ned Ryerson
“If you can do it, it ain’t bragging.” – Hall of Fame hurler Dizzy Dean
That’s always helped me as a woman in the arts, in technology, and in a million other places. Don’t be afraid to take credit for the awesome things you do and don’t let anyone convince you that you’re bragging when you’re just factually stating your awesomeness.
Also, “The only stupid question is the one you don’t ask.” – me, and “Asking for help is a learned skill, cultivate it.” -also me
Good luck to all of you with this transition. You’ve got a huge cheering and support section all over the world, you can do this!
“What can today-me do to make things better for me now? What can today-me do to make things better for me tomorrow?” … sometimes small things can make the biggest difference, set out your clothes for the next day, drink a glass of water, etc.
Save copies of every college syllabus for courses you take until you graduate. If your education takes you down a different road than the one you started on, they will be invaluable for helping you transfer the credits to your new school. Otherwise, have fun and try courses in topics you didn’t have in high school (my Gen Eds were boring until I learned that one).
Mine isn’t quite as uplifting as everyone else’s but my advice is to remember: Ass, Gas, or Grass–nobody rides for free. I use it to remind myself that it is okay to help people but don’t let them keep riding for free and I use it remind myself to it is okay to accept help but don’t keep expecting handouts. Yeah, toxic upbringing here..
“Don’t Panic.” ~Douglas Adams
Also, “Done is always better than perfect.” ~unknown
Congratulations and sympathy all around. <3
Don’t forget your towel.
– Douglas Adams, HHGTTG
If you’re having a problem that you can’t think of a solution for, don’t try to create one, tell yourself to remember the solution. It tricks your brain into the mindset of “there is a solution, I just have to remember it” and you’ll think of something easier. I read it in a story somewhere and it always stuck with me.
You can never go wrong if you’re following Wheaton’s Law IMO.
Be joyful though you have considered the facts.
I love Mark Twain’s quote: “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Good luck to you!
this one has carried me through more than one difficulty –
“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.”- Rabindranath Tagore
Sometimes you find out what you are supposed to be doing by doing the things you are not supposed to do. -Oprah
It’ll all work out. It might not work out the way you want, but it always works out.
“Life is too important to be taken seriously”. Also, the the cops nothing but tell the paramedics everything.
Start investing your money with your first paycheck. Compounded interest is a powerful thing.
“You can’t do a mediocre job if you’re the only one doing it” – Tumblr user “Biggest Gaudiest Patronuses”
I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.
Also, my mother used to say: Things always look better in the morning light, which means that sleep solves A LOT of problems. And things do look better in the morning. When in doubt, sleep.
I love the simple but effective “This too shall pass.” So many times when things looked bleak that helped pulled me through.
“You always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.”
Glinda the Good Witch
We don’t see things the way they are. We see them the way WE are.
“Always remember, everyone you meet has their own demons they carry through life. No matter how they treat others, always react and treat people with kindness.
Kindness will always be stronger. “
If you’re at a party/club/bar, please have the bartender hand you your drink. Keep one hand over your glass/cup. Never let anyone else bring you a drink or reach over your glass/cup. It only takes a second for them to drop something in your drink.
If you need anything and it’s not the weekend. Online is the next best thing. And it’s filled with thousands of Aunts and Uncles who are willing to listen.
❤️
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
John lennon
Never wrestle with a pig. The pig likes it and you both get dirty.
“I breathe in the fullness and richness of life. I observe with joy as life abundantly supports me and supplies me with more good than I can imagine.” Louise Hay
“Try the buffet.” ~priest at a church I used to go to, Father Jerry Rohr, in response to the questions “How do I know what I’m supposed to do in life? How do I know what path I’m supposed to take?” And he said, “Try the buffet. If you don’t like one thing, hey, at least you tried it. Put it down and grab something else.”
If things get bad (or scary or stressful or for anything that seems unmanageable), take every ten minutes as individual periods to get through. Came out of my first year living with a chronic illness, but is also something I wish I knew during my first year of college!
Also, explore everything that interests you! Change your mind! What works at 18 or 19 might not work at 20 or 21 and that’s ok…you’ll still get where you need/want to be!!
There is no harm in taking aim, even when the target is only a dream.
Dream big, Hailey!
There is a crack in everything—that’s how the light gets in.
—Leonard Cohen
“Never give a gun to ducks.” -B. Kliban
“Never get involved in a land war in Asia” – Vizzini
You will be too much for some people. Those are not your people.
“Fear of getting it wrong will stop you from doing it, which is very similar to getting it wrong”
“You do not need to be me in order for us to fight alongside each other. I do not need to be you to recognize that our wars are the same. What we must do is to commit ourselves to some future that can include each other and to work toward that future with the particular strengths of our individual identities.”
Audre Lorde
“Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don’t just give up”
Stephen Hawking
“Being silly is so important. Silly is the opposite of grief. It’s throwing yourself into a moment without care. You can’t always maintain your status as a dignified person – it gives you blinders. When you always expect the world to fulfill your expectations, it wears you down. It closes you off.”
Stephen Colbert
“Find happiness in the unique insanity of being here, now”
The Good Place
“If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.”
-Banksy
My grandmother my was always my go-to for advice. Her favorite phrase was “this too shall pass.” I always think of this when I’m struggling or worried.
Love comes first, but self-love is the everyday tiring task! Also, don’t listen to fear, beat the sh*t out of it.
Reach out, we all need each other!
Good luck to Hailey ❤️
Nothing ever comes to stay. Everything comes to pass. So hang on long enough and your whole life will be different.
This too shall pass. It may pass like a kidney stone – but it will pass.
The snake rhyme is bogus – something I learned during the pandemic.
Don’t be a (venomous) snake is pretty good advice.
For Hailey: Be yourself. Trust yourself. Have fun.
For Jenny: We’re facing this situation in 2 short years & I am definitely NOT ready.
My three rules in life:
1. Never pack more that you can carry (literally, alone, on your person, when the elevator is out of order)
2. It WILL be funny later. (Sometimes MUCH MUCH later, but later will come)
3. DON’T GET CAUGHT (if you can’t be careful, be quick! And if you can’t be quick, be clever!)
Be big enough to be banned from Florida schools.
My mom always told me, “Let it roll off your back, like water off a duck.” Somethings are not your’s to worry about, let them roll off.
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away.”
It has been a joy to see Haley grow up through your blog. I wish them great happiness and continued success in this new chapter! I worked with incoming college freshman for over 20 years and can promise you that both the students and their mamas will be fine!
Sometimes the people you thought were going to be a part of your whole story, end up being only a chapter in it instead. It’s okay, it becomes a part of who you are. In my college days; a friend became a roommate then moved on with drama which became a teachable moment. A stranger became a roommate who is now my best friend for life. Life is fluid, it’s okay to be fluid with it sometimes.
For me, I have to constantly tell myself “It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be.” That allows me to let go of some of the overwhelming stress when I have a task to complete, or just make it through the day.
If you’re planning to go into a creative field you have to graduate with zero debt after college because all of the opportunities to get your foot in the door pay like crap.
What my mom told me before I left for college: “Don’t ever leave your drink or food unattended at a party. If that happens, get new ones.”
What I wish my mom told me before I left for college: “You’ll learn as much if not more in the things you experience outside the classroom than in it. Stretch yourself, take classes that sound fun to try, experiment and play. Some of the friends you make will become your best friends for life – they’ll be there for you during life’s challenging moments, and you’ll be there during theirs. It’s the friendships you make that matter most – everything else is icing on the cake.”
Congratulations on graduation day!
Everything is figureoutable
“Do your best, And leave the rest, ‘Twill all come right Some day or night.” -Anna Sewell, Black Beauty
Also, there’s a beautiful address delivered by Hannah Gatsby at a university in Tasmania. “Don’t panic! WHO do you want to be” I recommend watching the whole thing on YouTube
“What’s for you’ll not go bye you”
I’ve translated this from the broad Scots version my Gran says it in, but essentially it means that any people/activities/opportunities/tests/jobs/locations/whatever that don’t turn out the way you’d hoped were plainly not the *right* people/activities/etc for you in that moment. I’m not sure I believe in fate or density or the like, but I’ve found a lot of comfort in the phrase when things aren’t going great for whatever reason.
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. Because perfection is bullshit, and sometimes we’re all paralyzed, and that’s when you just have to start doing the thing and suck at it. I have a sticker on my laptop that says, “Even if it’s not ‘good’ or productive, BEGIN.” It’s a quote sticker from an artist named Brit Chida, whose work is pretty damned amazing. Follow them!
Decide what to be and go be it. –
Avett Brothers
My Daddy always said “if you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough.” Sounds silly but it reminds me that sometimes life sucks because of choices I made, and I can either find a way out or just tough my way out of it…and make better choices next time
An extremely wise woman once said, “There will be moments when you have to be a grown-up. Those moments are tricks. Do not fall for them.”
Also years ago when I made a major career change I asked one of my new colleagues who had many years on the job if he had any words of wisdom for me and he said “Never eat goat curry on a travel day.” It hasn’t come up a whole lot but I believe it to be very good advice.
It’s amazing how many smart people there are in the world!
“You can do anything, but you can’t do everything” David Allen. It’s really helped my perfectionist brain chill out and just do what I can handle in that moment.
The two most important things are duct tape and WD40. If it moves and it shouldn’t, use the duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD40. This advice was probably more useful to me here on the farm than it will be for Hailey, whatever they’re majoring in. Still, the duct tape part always works.
“Don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff.”
“Dear Little One
I wish you two things:
To give you roots
To give you wings.”
-Designing Women
“This too shall pass” my amazing grandma, “Nana” would always say this. This advice helps me get through the uncomfortable silences, awkward social events, weird and hard times life likes to throw at you. It also got me through essays I thought I’d never finish in school, final exam anxiety, and the dead freaking panic saying goodbye to my parents when they dropped me off at college the first time. Last year, at a ripe old middle age number, I went to a Vipassana meditation retreat for the first time and learned of their saying “Anicca” which means Impermanence, the idea that all feelings rise up and then they float away. Which then reminds me of Finding Nemo’s best character, Dory, and her idea to “just keep swimming”. They’re all the same, really. Different words, same notion. The path is ever changing. Some good, some bad, some meh…but always changing. Congratulations to Haley on the start of an amazing life journey! I wish them all the best and tons of magical blessings.
“Do the thing, even if it scares you.”
“There are 3 ways to ultimate success. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind.” – Fred Rogers
“Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”
I wake up every morning and ask myself, “what would the person that I want to be do in this situation?” and then I try like hell to do that.
I can’t take credit for the following and can’t remember the name of my daughter’s friend to properly give it… When my daughter was in first year university, one of her new friends had a tattoo on the inside of her wrist that said “then you fail”. It seemed kind of ominous, but her friend shared the story behind it. Whenever she was feeling scared of trying something new and wondering “but what if I fail”, her dad would say “Then you fail… that’s not the worst thing in the world. You’ll be OK”. I cry with how true it is whenever I think of it.
“Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly. At least you tried- not everything needs to be perfect.”
“Some people make their own aggravation.”
As a recent college grad, I went on a trip with my parents to the USVI. We did a day trip on a sailboat with about 6 other people and the owner of the boat. The owner had been living in the Midwest, maybe a school teacher? It was some job he didn’t enjoy, whatever it was. Decided to chuck it all, and move to the islands and buy a boat and take tourists out sailing. Wow, we said, living the dream! Then he said it took him a while to adjust, and get used to “island time”, and still he was frustrated, for instance, if something broke on the boat, or supplies he ordered took longer than expected. He said “it took me a while to realize that some people make their own aggravation. Here I am, in paradise, doing the exact job I want to do, and still I get pissed off at stupid little things that are beyond my control. I can only control my response to things that happen, and I can choose to be aggravated, or I can choose to react in a more positive (or even neutral) way.”
For decades, my Dad and I would say that to each other if one of us was complaining about something that didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.
You can’t always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you find you get what you need. – The Rolling Stones
“Simply, don’t panic.” I don’t know who said it first but it helps me when I’m into some shit I think I can’t get out of. Good luck to Hailey!!!! May all their wildest dreams come true!!!
I teach college. I was a procrastinator as student, and see my students procrastinate all the time. With that in mind, two great pieces of advice to help ward it off: (1) “Well begun is half done.” (2) “The perfect is the enemy of the good.” In other words, get started soon; don’t wait to the last minute. Seek to do to as well as you can but don’t aim for perfection, because you may never get there.
Rule of Life #7
Whatever the question, Costumes are always a good answer.
–Olivia (Ian Falconer)
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead
“If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?”
Here are some things that get me through life:
1. Not everyone will like you and that’s ok (just like you don’t like everyone you meet either).
2. There will always be someone smarter, faster, more accomplished than you, but you still have to try your hardest to be the best YOU.
3. Not my circus, not my monkeys
4. Other peoples drama, pissy moods, ill temper, negativity, etc. toward you is not a reflection of who you are, it’s a reflection of who they are at that moment in time.
Why not go out on a limb? That’s where all the fruit is.
From a long time ago, my Dad told me “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. And “you can attract more flies with honey than vinegar”. And, “kill them with kindness”.
Which all means to me to bite your tongue even when you are right and someone else is wrong, but totally getting all over your case. In the end, you will win, and in such a nicer way!My thought is ‘the less you talk, the wiser you seem!”.
Congratulations Hailey!! And congratulations to you, too, Mom! You both have done an awesome job getting to this point!✨🥰🎉👋😁👩🎓
Be your own Disneyland. ~ random advice column
Don’t yuck someone else’s yum. ~ more rando advice column stuff
When my second child left for college three years ago I knew she wasn’t up for a long lecture or a heartfelt advice session, so I tried to boil down everything I wanted to say into as few words as possible and I came up with the acronym TAP: Take care of yourself (physically and mentally); Advocate for yourself (nobody else will) and Participate fully (join things, go to office hours, etc.). Good luck to Hailey and to you and Victor — it will be great.
Everything will be all right in the end.
If its not all right … It’s not the end.
-Anon. (But popularized in the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel movie)
Never lower yourself to THEIR level.
-my mom
Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann. I believe he wrote it for his daughter…
“Eat. You’ll feel better.” – Remus Lupin, Prisoner of Azkaban film. Also my mom probably at some point.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” – John Lennon ❤️
This: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y-5JZoBtmKo
Sometimes good enough is good enough.
Drink plenty of water.
Be where your feet are. Stole this from Jamie Curtis. I’ve taught college for 24 years and kids get so anxious about The Future.
I told my own anxious kid that the only mistake you can’t redeem is dying. Just don’t die. Morbid. But true. Fail that class; stay in bed for a week. Make mistakes.
But then…
Also “make better mistakes.” This one’s mine for my black and white thinker kids who think one screw up is The End.
For you: the hardest thing was letting go of all my secret dreams and hopes and just accepting what comes. This is a hard time for parents. But they love you and they will return to you, different and yet so beautifully the same.
Sometimes you just gotta say “Fuck it”.
I’ve always liked Amy Poehler’s quote “no one looks stupid when they’re having fun”
1, Neither laundry soap NOR LIQUID DISH SOAP go in the dishwasher (the latter I learned from personal experience in my 1st apartment 15 years ago)
2, “If you’re going through hell, keep going. Why would you want to stop in hell?” (Steve Harvey, I think?)
3, “If you wouldn’t go to someone for advice, don’t take their criticism either.” (said by someone on tumblr, I think)
4, “It’s your story. Feel free to hit ’em with a plot twist at any moment.” (Unknown)
5, “Life is tough, but so are you.” (Unknown)
6, When things seem extra hard, if possible, drink water, eat food, take a shower, take a nap, then re-assess and make a plan of attack.
7, Do not mix cleaning chemicals.
8, Be sure you know which friends understand food safety before you eat their food.
9, Seriously, liquid dish soap DOES NOT go in the dishwasher.
Always flush with your foot.
When you hate everyone, eat. When you hate the world, sleep. When you hate yourself, take a shower. I’ve no idea who to credit for that. Also, “whether you believe you can, or you believe you can’t, you are right”- attributed to Henry Ford
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better do better.” Maya Angelou.
Always remember, never say ‘never’ or ‘always.’ But if you do or someone else does, listen very carefully for they are revealing a profound piece of their worldview.
“When one door closes, another one opens, but the hallways can be a bitch”.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.~Helen Keller
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Maybe not inspirational but oddly helpful to me at different times in my life : Make sure you know if you are Hershey’s Miniatures compatible with someone before engaging on a long road trip so you know if you’ll be fighting over the last Mr. Goodbar when you’re hangry.
Sometimes it’s just not a good fit.
“Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used to hurt you.”
George R R Martin
You can get excited about the future. The past won’t mind.
And, my personal best: “This too shall pass”. (I.e. don’t stress about the bad, but also savour the good).
Wherever you go, there you are .
Which I always took to mean you can’t run from your problems but who TF knows
“Do the best you can until you know better, and then when you know better, do better.” Maya Angelou (And in the meantime, don’t ever kick yourself for not knowing better…)
people who mind don’t matter, people who matter don’t mind.
Wear sunscreen and comparison is the thief of joy.
“Clear is kind.” ~ Almighty Brene
“Be curious, not judgmental.” ~ Ted Lasso
“Don’t cook bacon nekkid” ~ My Grandma
You is smart. You is kind. You is important.
Abeline
I’ll share what my mother said when she left me at my college dorm: THINK. That’s it. Just that one word.
Should they ever feel betrayed or just really pissed off this refrigerator magnet wisdom can really help:
Living well is the best revenge
Many years ago I saw Kurt Vonnegut field the question “what is the meaning of life?” His answer? “We were put on this earth to fart around.”
So fart around.
I made it through college on three quotes:
1. “Be extraordinary.” My AP Lit teacher wrote this on everything she sent off to me. It’s a reference to Crime and Punishment as it was one of my favorites in her class.
2. “Progress is Progress. No matter how small.” My mom started saying this to me as adaption from Horton Hears A Who, I’m not sure where she got it from. We usually use it for mental health things, but it’s worked for many essays, especially now in grad school with my thesis.
3. “There’s no timeline for success.” or “success has no timeline.” Not sure who originally came up with it, but if you need to take an extra semester or time off, it’s not setting you back. The path can loop back, you’re just going sight seeing and that’s okay.
“Acknowledge and move on.” A childhoods friend of my sister’s said this to her, when she was stuck in a thing that had happened. Not a traumatic thing…just the sort of annoying stuff that happens that we all sometimes can’t let go. Take that moment to accept how the thing made you feel, but then, go forth. It is not worth the time.
If you are having a really crappy day, just do one nice thing for someone else. That way it’s not a total loss.
William Blake: “The road of excess leads to the Palace of Wisdom.” This mom: “…and to get into the Palace, one needs to Step off the Road.”
Through every dark night, there’s a bright day after that, so no matter how hard it gets, stick your chest out, keep your head up, and handle it! – Tupac Shakur
“I think our experience of the universe has value. Even if it disappears forever.” Martin Blackwood from the Magnus Archives
Be kind – everyone is fighting a hard battle you know nothing about”
Kurt Vonnegut offered one of the most important pieces of advice I’ve ever heard, “There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.” I try to incorporate this philosophy in my own daily life.
You change more in your 20s than any other decade of your life. ~ me
Things don’t have to be forever. (Classes, majors, friends, roommates, passions, interests, lovers, jobs, etc.)
Don’t apologize for being yourself.
Help others whenever you can — without expecting anything in return.
Sometimes you have to water your own potatoes and let the apocalypse take care of itself.
Follow your heart but take your brain with you ♥️
1. Always bring a towel
2. Don’t panic
“You are far better at this than you let yourself remember.“ ~Kai at Flyingedna.com
Cs get degrees – sometimes the pressure to be at the top of everything is too much and reminding them that it will be ok if that one class doesn’t work out perfectly is all they need to get through.
I don’t know if anyone else put this here, but “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver helps me a lot.
“You do not have to be good./You do not have to walk on your knees/For a Hundred Miles through the desert, repenting./You only have to let the soft animal of your body/love what it loves.”
Congrats, Hailey! And congrats, You!
Some days you are the bug and some days you are the windshield.
From my days as whitewater guide. Anybody can have a great run. What really matters is how you recover when it goes wrong.
A good recovery is better than a great run.
If you can’t control a situation remember you can control your reaction to it.
About 50 years ago, my mother told me, “Never do or say anything that you wouldn’t want to see on the 6 o’clock news”. I’ve tried to live by this. Lord knows I’ve fallen short a few times, but I continue to try.
Eat well and travel often!
The nice thing about a bad day is that once it’s over, you never have to go through that day again. It’s behind you and in the past.
Also, things always get better. Every time.
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. Doctor Who
Don’t let fear hold you back from trying. Failure is part of success. Call your mother.
I don’t know how inspiring this is, but be open to what life hands you. Sometimes you might think it’s not what you want, and I won’t tell you to not strive for your dreams, but sometimes you might find that accepting it works out better than you thought it would.
My thrifty dad always told me, “If you take care of the pennies, the dollars will take care of themselves.”
Every little thing is going to be all right. (I have a piece of art with this on it and it’s been a reliable mantra when things get overwhelming. It wasn’t until this season of Ted Lasso did I realize it’s from a Bob Marley song. Now I love it even more in context.)
Listen to your advisor. If your advisor doesn’t listen to you, request a new advisor. Then learn how to read your degree requirements and how to track which you have completed and double check everything. Remember- to graduate you need three things to be true 1) you completed all general requirements 2) you completed all major/minor requirements and 3) you completed at least 120 total credits. Keep a running tab on your progress through all three elements.
Also- my kid also just graduated from high school so I empathize with crying into pancakes.
Learn something new every day – from the major to the mundane.
You can’t know if you like something unless you try it.
Make smart choices. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
All the best stories start with a bad decision.
Ask for what you want. People cannot read your mind. The worst thing that can happen is they say no.
If you are too much for somebody, they are not enough for you.
Perhaps not as inspirational but it’s still one of my favorite quotes:
You must be proud, bold, pleasant, resolute
And now and then stab, as occasion serves.
– Christopher Marlowe, Edward II
“Ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in”. — Leonard Cohen
Never fry bacon naked. This was a bit of wisdom shared by the speaker at my son’s high school graduation and it is the only one that I remember. I have strictly heeded this advice!
Sometimes you need to count to 10 and just breathe. I have gotten through some rough times doing this.
It’s good to have plans. It’s better to remember that plans will always change. Be flexible!
“Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.”
The only things guaranteed to be out of your reach are the ones you never reach for.
To get through a short but demanding time band not crash and burn after: Doo as they used to tell us when I was a volunteer staffing a four-day convention. Get at least 7 hours of sleep and 3 meals, or 3 hours of sleep and 7 meals. The energy you need to get through it all has to come from somewhere. If you’re short one one source, make sure you cover the other thoroughly.
Wherever you go, there you are.
It could always be worse…and it could always be better.
Most importantly, it’s gonna be okay. 🤗 Eventually.
Oh! And always try new things…you never know when it might be your favorite!
Be kind without letting other take advantage of your kindness.
Look for the helpers.
Trust but verify.
It’s always darkest just before the sun rises, but the sun always comes up eventually.
Mistakes are how we learn, but make sure you don’t misinterpret the lessons.
If at first you don’t succeed, then try, try again, or you can take a different path if you decide that what you want has changed.
Listen to your Spidey sense, if something feels wrong, trust your intuition.
Stand up for what you believe in.
Don’t let your nerves hold you back from trying something new.
If you have been drinking alcohol, make sure you drink water or orange juice before you go to sleep, you’ll be less likely to have a hangover.
Always have some cash hidden on you when you go out just in case you need mad money.
Put aside some money from every paycheck for the future.
Buy some basic tools and a mending kit for your dwelling and learn how to use them.
Don’t focus everything on just one person or thing, diversify for resilience.
Keep in touch with your people.
Don’t forget to take time to self care and breathe.
Your body is like a machine that you need to take good care of for it to work properly.
Make sure you make time to have fun.
I used to lay awake at night thinking of all the things I wished I had told my boys before they went to college. I wanted to start writing them down and then send little inspirational text messages, but I didn’t save most of them. Here are a couple important ones:
1. Is there a poster announcing some social event on campus? GO to that.
2. Does a thing sound interesting? Go do it. Will you not know anyone? All the better. Go meet people. Do the new thing. Be part of the community. This is how you build a life for yourself in a new place. How you create place and purpose.
The Six commandments of alcohol consumption:
1. Never mix the grain and the grape
2. Stay away from sugary drinks. The easier they go down, the harder they come up.
3. Drink water in between each drink.
4. Never drink on an empty stomach
5. Know your limits
6. It is NEVER ok to drink and drive. Even if someone else is driving. You can ALWAYS call an Uber or a Cab.
Judging only applies to dog shows and state fairs.
Also: Seldom, but not always.
Never flush a tampon. They just keep getting bigger and bigger until they absorb all the water available. This can clog your pipes and also potentially turn the earth into an arid desert planet devoid of all life except roving bands of hardy survivors scavenging the leavings of our formerly proud cities.
So, I’ma just apologize in advance for the length of this comment/novella.
I have a whole Quote Board (well, more of a Quote Wall in its current incarnation) full of quotes and pics and memes that inspire, comfort, and amuse me. It was hard to choose just a few!
“Darkness never sustains even though sometimes it feels like it might.”
— 13th Doctor, “Spyfall Part II”
“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”
Carrie Fisher
“You must do the things you think you cannot do. ”
Eleanor Roosevelt
As for advice….
Always carry water, and snacks like trail mix or protein bars, or even peanut butter and crackers in your bag. You never know when you might get stuck somewhere like a job, or a ridiculously long rehearsal, and have to miss dining hours.
Some practical advice, as a former theatre professional with a B.A. in Theatre (and an English minor, thankyouverymuch):
Take the technical theatre classes. Volunteer in the scene shop, the props shop, the costume shop. Help with a light hang. Work on the backstage crew.
I have had one paid professional acting gig since graduating from college eleventy hundred years ago (granted, I don’t have the mad singing skills Hailey does.) But, the random skills I acquired by working in all the different theatre production departments kept me employed for 25+ years in a career in the technical theatre world.
[An actor who recently came off a five year tour of “Come From Away” used to work as an overhire in the scene shop at Dallas Theater Center before he was able to get steady work as an actor.]
Paid acting work can be hard to get, and competition is fierce.
Theatres are always looking for technicians.
Plus, understanding how the technical elements of a production work will make you a better performer. And the technicians will love you for it.
Breaks legs, Hailey.
(Preferably, not your own.)
Call your mother. Start your call with, “Everything is fine. I just wanted to tell you…[insert funny thing that happened or memory you had.]” Don’t just call when you need her.
“This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go”
Never let what you can not do stop you from what you can do.
Also, call your Mom. She loves you more than anything or anyone else ever will.
Your momma will always be here for you, even if you can’t see her.
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
Best advice ever from my mom:
Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
1. Time upgrades survival to triumph.
2. You are always one decision away from a completely different life.
3. Look back, but don’t stare.
Be brave…but not too brave
Spread your kindness daily
The really high ups and the really low downs don’t last
Trust your gut
Expand your mind
Be you because you’re awesome
“Alligator, boots, green beans”
I’m not sure what it means, but I wrote it on a sticky note once in college- It made a lot of sense then, but at this point I’m not sure what it means. I still have this sticky note and it’s been transferred to every bulletin board I’ve had sinceasy reminder of a list I’ve yet to complete.
As you enter your college years I wish you the best of luck in deciphering this and learning what it means to you. Make lists & time for the important things, even when you’re not exactly sure why. It’s probably sound for your mental health.
Don’t stress about making the right decision. Whichever decision you make, you can make it right.
“You can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd, but you can be happy if you’ve a mind to.” A quote from the song “You Can’t Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd” by the late great Roger Miller. It’s a goofy song, but I think it’s perfect for a silly pick me up when you need it and the quote is great!
Be curious, not judgmental. -Walt Whitman
For college specifically, try classes outside your major, like waaay outside your major! (Astrophysics major, took a Women in Religion class). Attend as many student events as you can, most are free or cheap for students. Ask for help if you’re stuck! If the professor intimidates you, ask the TA for help.
When things feel rough, chances are good that it’s a speed bump in the road, not a cement wall.
Learn to reframe that which you cannot change. “I can’t do x” becomes “I get to do y”. Sometimes reframing the situation can help temper the disappointments we sometimes have to deal with.
“This is the way I’m supposed to feel,” my mother said when she was going through a VERY HARD TIME. She may not have realized I would hold onto those words as essential wisdom (wisdom she had shown through actions and words throughout her life, raising me). Good times, hard times, all emotions are real, none are bad (though they may feel lousy). Don’t let anyone tell you that you should not feel such-and-such; you are feeling that way for reasons, not always rational, but still real.
When it’s finals week or you & your dorm mates are REALLY bored, stack some empty beer cans at the end of the hall, stand at the other end, & try to knock them over with a frisbee. At the University of Colorado, this game was called “Frobishing” & there are no rules, but you will make friends & save your sanity by laughing.
“This, too, shall pass” -Persian adage, translated (for hard times.)
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
My mom always used to say to me and my sister, “This too shall pass.” We now have it tattooed on our respective feet in her handwriting.
This means two things to me, as I’ve reflected on it: 1) Bad times aren’t permanent. Remember that when you’re in the middle of them. And 2) Good times aren’t permanent. Breathe them in when they happen. Store them up like squirrels store nuts.
Do you remember the sunscreen song? It’s got great advice.
Someone wrote in my Grade 12 year book the following quote which I love: “Don’t worry about today…it’s already tomorrow in Australia.” Or there’s always the one “Life’s too short for bad ice cream”
My main motto, courtesy of Tom Robbins, is: “If it gets sloppy, eat it over the sink.”
My favorite quote of all time is from Hubert Humphrey “The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
Say, “Yes!” to new opportunities even if it interferes with your Plan.
From my H.S. speech coach: “Let me give you some advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.” I think it means dare to try … although sliding bare-assed on ice isn’t a very good idea.
There’s a quote often used in commencement addresses that I like to share with incoming students: “If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you”. Higher education (and this developmental stage of life) is supposed to leave you feel a bit unmoored or off balance. You’re becoming more fully who you are, Hailey. Part of that is failing, which is a huge part of learning. So embrace failure as much as (if not more than) your successes. They tend to be the best teachers. Enjoy the journey!
Red *on* yellow kill a fellow.. From your friendly neighborhood pendant.
My two best pieces of advice for a new college student:
1) School survival: go to your professor’s office hours. Took me too long to do this and it made my life so much better (ie went from sobbing because I thought I was failing to getting an A in the class, all because of help in understanding & in clearing up misunderstandings). It also means that when there is a question on grading or anything else, you will be given the benefit of the doubt because they know you and they know you’re putting in the effort.
2) Dorm survival: You can use regular old chocolate cake mix (whatever is on sale) from the grocery store, mix a little of it with water (don’t need oil or eggs or anything else- just water) in a mug or bowl until it’s the consistency of cake batter (thinner than pudding, but not soup). Microwave it for about a minute and you have fresh baked cake. This is also a great way to make friends, when all of the people come to your open door, wondering where the smell of baking is coming from. If you’re feeling really fancy, throw a little ice cream or frozen cool whip on top- it will melt on your delicious lava cake. You’re welcome.
When someone shows you who they are – believe them THE FIRST TIME. (Maya Angelou, emphasis mine)
Congratulations to you all, you done good. Two things for Haley, Trust your gut! And also, the perfect is the enemy of the good. I wish I had learned both of these things when I was young.
Friends are family you choose for yourself.
“There is no such thing as normal. What’s normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.” (Morticia Adams. Or to be more technically correct about it Charles Addams)
Learn how to live on a budget. Life is so much easier when you know how to pinch a penny (well, in this day & age probably pinch a dollar) when needed. That way when you want to splurge a bit you can.
I don’t know who originally said it but: Be yourself, everybody else is taken!
Get what you came for.
Focus on the joy, the good, the happy
Find a career pathway you LOVE 💕 so you don’t have to “work” a day in your life!
“You will be surprised by what you can do when you don’t have any choice” – my motto while recovering from surgery on my dominant hand. Works for all sorts of situations.
Can be said to oneself daily:
“To be nobody but
yourself in a world
which is doing its best day and night to make you like
everybody else means to fight the hardest battle
which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”
― E.E. Cummings
Daily touchpoint – I sent my youngest daughter a postcard everyday she was at college so she would have something to find in her mailbox at school because I remember how exciting it was to find something there. Then my oldest got all jealous so I send them both one everyday. Today I will send the 1139th.
Still doing it five years later as she lives on her own and from time to time, I also send, and have sent them to her roommates and friends who were envious. Never anything deep, just something like: “I saw a yellow swallowtail today”, or “Don’t forget to FLOSS”, or “thinking about seeing you at school break”, or “call your father/grandmother/godmother, they would just like to say Hi or it’s their birthday or whatever and they won’t call you because they know you are busy”, “Looked at the stars lately?”, or “the dog threw up on the carpet instead of the tile or hardwood today AGAIN”. I even have the “rock report” of animals that are on the rock in the swamp two streets over – how submerged it is, etc. Recently a neighbor farm pulled down their silo, that was the postcard news that day.
She did take pause when I told her a neighbor died, but that was the only thing she said I never should have put on a postcard, go figure?
I also put stickers on the postcard. Each day there is a heart, a star, a circle, a square, and a 3-D offering, then I freelance with other stickers which is actually a creative fun way to end my day. (I found a whole world of sticker enthusiasts in this process.)
My old roommate heard me talk about my “post carding” and is now sending her preschool grandsons a postcard each week with a theme of numbers or letters or animals, or some other teaching thing (we are both retired teachers).
This is an easy, inexpensive, and quick way to stay connected, to let her know each day you stop to make something for her with caring and love. Phone calls can be forgotten, going back through the postcards is evidence someone everyday is there for you. My daughters save them in order in boxes, and someday it will show a slice of her life in detail that can easily fade from memory.
(Disclaimer: my son-in-law is a postal worker. I’ve had lots of conversations about my post carding, and even postal workers offering to bring me postcards as they travel because they enjoy processing them. And yes, they read them. Beware.)
Never teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
The road less traveled is always worth it.
This poem says it all, for me. The Summer Day by Mary Oliver:
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper? This grasshopper, I mean –
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down
- who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed,
how to stroll through the fields, which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
“Stay afraid – but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”
– Carrie Fisher
“The greatest teacher, failure is.”
– Yoda, The Last Jedi
As a Star Wars nerd and Carrie Fisher admirer, these two quotes have become so important personally, and I wish I had heard them earlier in life. And they go together so well. From Carrie, the idea of “JUST DO THE THING!”. Don’t wait for the “right time” or when you feel “ready” to do something that you’re nervous about* because that time will never cone, and you’ll be sitting there wishing you’d taken that chance, tried something new, and now it’s too late.
(*Obviously, certain things are exempt from this rule, like sex. Be sure you’re ready!)
And from Yoda – the second half of this advice. Don’t be afraid to fail. Even more important, don’t be afraid to ADMIT you failed. Don’t let pride keep you from admitting the truth, and then you keep doing the wrong thing. Or you hold someone else back through your failure. Admit and accept your failure, and when you are ready – look hard and see what you learned. What you gained. What you can teach others because you failed. It doesn’t feel like it when it happens, but every failure teaches us something valuable.
So when both quotes are taken together, it becomes, “DO IT. DO THE THING. DON’T BE AFRAID TO FAIL. IT WILL BE OK IF YOU DO. THEN YOU’LL DO SOMETHING ELSE, AND SOMETHING ELSE, AND SO GOES LIFE.”
Or, as Yoda also said – “Do – or do not. There is no try.”
Wishing them all the best in their next part of their life journey!
I’ve got two 🙂 Congratulations to Haley
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt
“If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud.” Emile Zola
Nole illegitemi carburundum…
(Don’t let the b*st*rds grind you down)
Toast is always an acceptable meal option. If someone tells you any different leave them. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
When someone annoys you “yell” at them…
Dishonour! Dishonour on you, dishonour on your cow!!
And finally, Hailey, you’ve got this, and all of us are your Aunties and Uncles and are here for you whenever you need it.
I’ve learned that this one is especially important: screw the Golden Rule. Treat others the way THEY want to be treated, not the way YOU want to be treated.
It doesn’t cost any more to keep the top half of the gas tank full than it does the bottom half..And you’re much less likely to run out of gas. My father told me this when I got my driver’s license.
I had an employee who’s name was Marvin. He always said “That’s future Marvin’s problem and future Marvin hasn’t let me down yet!” when some big was on the horizon. It’s an awesome way of looking at life. Goes along with Don’t sweat the small stuff and Focusing on only the things within your control.
Congratulations to Haley, and to you, Jenny. A milestone for both of you. Glad she got all the college of choices, dorm rooms and everything else sorted out, with your and Victor’s help. May they continue to try their wings and fly higher and mightier.
“Always grab a chance, and you won’t be sorry for a ‘might have been.’” Arthur Ransome
(Also, you got this and crying is totally acceptable! My oldest child went away for his undergrad and it was a hard separation for me but good for him and he really enjoyed himself. And now he’s back with me and his sibling for his Master’s! Which is glorious for everyone. So just keep being their lighthouse and then they can always find their way back).
There’s a time and place for everything. It’s called college.
Two of my favorite life rules:
1. Never make major life decisions based solely on the opinions of others.
2. Never harm anything you find potentially useful.
My husband repeats the second one back to me when he does something stupid.
Don’t sweat the small stuff, and remember everything in life is small stuff. No, really, everything.
Don’t make rash decisions on little or no sleep.
Always wear clean underwear, and if you don’t have any clean… go commando.
If you feel like you can’t say anything to fix a conflict, say you need some time and walk away to gather your thoughts, you can’t take words back.
End every phone call or text with those you value (love) with “I love you,” time is not infinite, and you will regret not saying it. Even if you are in a disagreement.
It’s better to be happy than to be right.
There are no easy fixes to anything, everything is hard. Choose your hard wisely.
Happiness and positivity are choices. No one can make you happy, except you.
If something doesn’t feel right, chances are it’s not, walk away, and don’t regret it.
Let your mom “mom” you as much as they want, it may seem annoying, but you’ll miss it when it’s gone.
You need never feel broken again. Sometime darkness, can show you the light. -Disturbed, The Light.
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. — Martin Luther King, Jr.
.
Also, she will always be your momma.
Even when you are 65, and she is slightly older.
ALWAYS!
A dear friend once told me, “you won’t know if you don’t ask”. I was applying for a job and I didn’t feel I was 100% qualified. She encouraged me to do it anyway, because I’d never get the job if I didn’t at least apply. Second tip, although not necessarily applicable to Haley right now, “someone took the time and effort to write up that job description. Take the time to read it carefully, and absorb what they’re looking for. Write your resume and cover letter to address those items”
“The steps you take don’t have to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction.” I remind myself of this daily when I feel like I’m not doing enough.
“The perfect is the enemy of the good.” —attr. Voltaire/ Italian proverb
If they want to meet lots of people, send them to college with a hammer and a couple of screwdrivers, etc. No one else will have them and everyone will want to borrow them!
When you are overwhelmed with everything you need to do, it’s helpful to break your list into MUST DO, SHOULD DO, and CAN DO. It can help you prioritize what’s really important in this moment and help you figure out what things are just being added by your stress brain.
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning how to dance in the rain. – Vivian Greene
It is none of your business what anyone else thinks of you. – unknown
Hate is a pointless emotion to have inside you. It is like eating a scorpion to punish it for stinging you. – Matt Haig
“No” is a complete sentence. It does not require justification or explanation. – unknown
Don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all. – Mandy Hale
When you have more than you need, build a longer table, not a higher fence.
What I tell my 20yo daughter: Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it’s not the end.
Presence is priceless. Just show up and be open to what there is here for you – life is a gift. All of it is a fun, sparkly gift for you to open up into as you will.
You can’t fail to be yourself.
When you find yourself blessed with good people, look after them and take care of them. Appreciate them and never, ever take them for granted. I honestly believe that the Big Guy Up There gives us the people we need. Sometimes it’s a blessing, and sometimes it’s a lesson.
My ex motherinlaw told ‘your interest lies where you spend your time’ which has really stuck with me. Apparently I really did not want to learn to play the piano, since no matter how many times i buy one I never play it
“Most things I worry about / never happen anyway…” -Tom Petty
Words of wisdom: you are allowed to be the hero of your own story.
My best advice to myself, and my daughter her freshman year: “24 hours is less time than you think, and an hour is more.” meaning, you think you can write that whole paper in one day but you can’t. However, you can raise yourself a whole grad by cramming an hour right before the test, so don’t tell yourself it’s too late to study.
And, “Come out of the gate strong.” Get the easy A’s in the first month. It gets harder later in the semester but the strong grades help your average, and teachers like you better. It works!
Live your life in such a way that if someone said something bad about you, no one would believe it.
“It is what it is”
“Call your Mother”
Listen to your gut and intuition
sometimes it’s better to be by yourself then surrounded by a crowd of people you don’t really like
You’re never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true.- Richard Bach
You can’t always get what you want, but you might just find you get what you need- The Rolling Stones
There will be an answer. Let it be.-Paul McCartney
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.-Max Ehrmann
Though it’s hard to imagine, your parents HAVE actually been where you’re at right now. Lean on them and learn from their mistakes.
Always be kind. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Beer before liquor was also a thing when I was in collage. Just dont do anything before the other, stick to one. You can still be drunk and sick with one kind lol. My friend gave me a great lemon gin drink. I was sick as a dog (or not) I told my friend omg im pregnant and its coming from my mouth as I puked. Obviously not pregnant from puking but I’ve never had a baby and I had never puking so bad so a baby was coming from my mouth.
Two things that have gotten me through a lot: “the only way out is through” and “I can do hard things”. Good luck and congrats Hailey!
Whatever you are be a good one! Abraham Lincoln
People will continue to tell you what you can’t do. Prove them wrong.
“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God us awake.” – Victor Hugo
“All of us want to do well. But if we do not do good, too, then doing well will never be enough.” -Anna Quindlen
“Everything began with not knowing.” I think it’s from Pearl S. Buck’s The Eternal Wonder. I hated that book but I love that sentence. If you have no clue what you’re doing, don’t worry. It just means you’re at the beginning.
I have 2 quotes for Hailey. The first is from the great Maya Angelou: When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Second quote is from The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy: “What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said?” asked the boy. “Help,” said the horse.
Love the quote Jann suggested from the Boy, the Mole and the Fox. So damn exciting!!! Congrats Hailey.
“Eventually, it comes down to being alone, in dark places, with yourself. You are the only person that you will be with for the rest of your life. Your friends might lend you strength, and knowledge, but ultimately, you must be able to go alone. You must know that you are strong enough.”
Wish I could remember what book that’s from. It’s stuck with me for many years.
Be a duck. When things get overwhelming just be a duck. Say Quack that, dip your head down and waggle your tailfeathers at the world. I find when you’re giggling and laughing at images of yourself (or in my case telling my kiddo who struggled with anxiety to imagine me doing that) quacking away with your tailfeathers in the air it’s a bit easier to chase away troubling thoughts.
“Praise the God of all, drink the wine, and let the world be the world.” – French proverb
“Find someone who can keep you in the way in which you are accustomed.”
First, calm down.
Next, stay that way
for the rest of your life.
Thoreau always hits-
“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”
Well, ‘righty-tighty, lefty-loosey’ is pretty important. As is ‘gravity is a harsh mistress’ (The Tick). ‘We’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one’ is another one that comes to mind. I’m pretty sure that’s only slightly paraphrased from Doctor Who.
I don’t need easy, I just need possible. -Katie Bone
My piece of advice is be fearless! Your biggest regrets will be the things you were too scared to do.
Not a quote from someone, but a life lesson. A friend of mine died, and I have ZERO pictures of us together because I always shy away from the camera…. So “take all the pictures, of yourself, with friends, in new places, everywhere. Let people love you.”
.
.
All the best Hailey. Congratulations.
Even when EVERYTHING is going your way you can still be sad, or anxious or uncomfortably numb. Learn to appreciate.. your personal idea of HEAVEN.. rather than someone else’s idea…. -Jenny Lawson
Daniel L Reardon
“In the long run the pessimist may be proven right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.”
“No” is a complete sentence.
And
Never feel obligated to stay, to go, to do. It’s up to you and you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
You will probably use only 1/10 of what you learn in college. We just don’t know which 1/10…
I’ll riff on the title of this post –
“Let it be”
Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.
Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
Don’t borrow sorrow.
Sad, tragic, miserable things happen in every life. But there’s no reason to borrow sorrow from the future and let anxiety make you feel those feels early.
Dawn dishsoap gets grease stains out of clothes.
A good pizza cutter has a thousand uses.
My ex husband used to say: “Semper ube sub ube” (a Latin joke, for:) Always wear under wear. No idea how that helps anyone but, wtf, it can’t hurt. Right?
All the best to your sweet heart!! ❤️❤️
My dad told me, when you go to college nobody knows you, so you can be anything you want, just act as if. Best advice, changed my life.
PS. I cried for 2 weeks after my son left for University the first year. I analyzed and tortured myself for every mistake and failure I made as a parent. (We all fuck up!) He is now the most amazing, honest, responsible, respectful, delightful, intelligent, and honorable human being I have ever known. You will be amazed by your daughter!!
P.S. I am a Family Doctor/Psychotherapist in Canada. And I can’t fix my own kids, both of whom have depression, and my younger son has severe anxiety.
Go to Sewell Park. Get out on the river – you can get a kayak there with your student i.d. Go tubing with your roommate. Hang out in The Quad. Eat at Grin’s. Eat a Manske Roll.Eat at Herbert’s Taco Hut. Look at the beautiful houses in the historic district. Check out the Wittliff Collection. Go to the fabulous college theatre productions. Participate in Bobcat Build. I hate football, but you should go to at least one game and watch the half time show (leave after it – I won’t tell). Go to the University Camp. Take pictures. Take more than you think you want to take, and of everyday things – your dorm room, your friends, the campus. You’ll thank me later.
Posted where I can see it easily every day..”People say nice guys finish last, but I’m okay with finishing last, because who wants to hang out with the assholes in the front? That sounds miserable.”-Jenny Lawson
Also, “Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.”. I’m not sure who originally said it, but I saw it on a poster.
“It is ordinary to love the beautiful, but it is beautiful to love the ordinary.” Seen at an art gallery in Harrisonburg, VA.
“Have courage and be kind” – Cinderella’s mom from the 2015 version
Feelings are neither good or bad – it’s how you deal with them that counts.
“Where there is love, nothing is too much trouble, and there is always time”-Abdul Baha
Words to live by
Audrey Hepburn said “Nothing is impossible. The word itself says I’m Possible.” I think about that one a lot. 😁
There’s a very fine line between embarrassment and enlightenment.
Never settle for the horizon you can see.
“Faith is walking to the edge of all the light you have and taking one more step.”
“You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.” – Jane Goodall
I try to remember this throughout the day and it has totally lifted my spirits many times.
Also a fun quote I love is from Lou Reed:
“One chord is fine. Two chords is pushing it. Three chords and you’re into Jazz.”
Maya Angelou: “When people show you who they are the first time, BELIEVE THEM.” Every single time in my life I have ignored that, I have gotten burned. Every time.
Sometimes, instead of asking “What’s wrong and how can I fix it?”, try asking “What’s trying to happen here and how can I help it happen?”
PS–that’s from Arnie and Amy Mindell
“True goodness is never wasted” – Louisa May Alcott
“What is the kindest thing I can do for myself today?” – a former therapist (on helping me deal with my chronic illnesses)
Save more than you think you need to. Nope, save even more than that. Start planning for your financial future NOW. – me. I wish someone had told me that.
Literally NO ONE gives a flying F about your grades. Don’t kill yourself trying to be the best. Focus on learning. And don’t forget to have fun. – also me, what I used to tell my college students
“Study hard. Have fun. Eat breakfast. Never let anyone drive your car.” – College advice from my dad, an insurance agent.
Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you – Jean-Paul Satre
From an article today on Roselyn Carter:
Mrs. Carter often noted that there are only four kinds of people in this world: those who have been caregivers; those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers,”
“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.”
Groucho Marx
I get Life Kits from NPR. The subject matter was relationships. I thought this was priceless!
“Right before we got on a plane and moved to the Philippines (from Macon Georgia) my favorite Auntie told me, “You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s OK. You’re weirdos will find you.” I was eight years old and I have never forgotten that. It hasn’t always been easy, but in the end I have always found my weirdos.”
Congratulations Hailey! It’s going to be okay, Jenny. Cry when you need to.
Heard this one from my mom dozens of times: It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.
The truth will set you free but, first, it will piss you off.
“She needed a hero so she became one.”
Seen on Facebook recently: When you hate everybody, eat something. When you think everybody hates you, take a nap. When you hate yourself, take a shower. Tell Hailey to write that on a sticky note and post it somewhere they will see it daily. I guarantee you, they will need the reminder one day!
Hope is not a course of action
Worry is interest paid on a debt not yet due.
First, my apologies if I’m repeating one of the comments above, I just don’t have time to scroll 330+ comments right now. The following will prove helpful for their whole life:
“Lefty Loosey, Right Tighty.”
Nothing lasts forever. You may feel bad today, but eventually (hopefully soon) you will have a good day. And the cycle will keep repeating. So say to yourself “nothing lasts forever” so you remember to treasure the good times and know that the bad times will eventually get better.
Always have a designated sober driver or much less drunk leader if you are walking… someone to keep an eye on the rest of the group.
From my dad: Nobody ever said it had to be fair.
You’ve got the words to change a nation
But you’re biting your tongue
You’ve spent a life time stuck in silence
Afraid you’ll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?
–Emeli Sande, “Read All About It (Part III)”
“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
Douglas Adams
“Sometimes you just have to jump out the window and grow wings on the way down.”
-Ray Bradbury
“Wings are made to fly
Fears are born to die”
Skillet – Legendary
https://youtu.be/hAXCNeAk7-0
The things worth doing that propel life forward in meaningful ways take longer than you’d think. Sometimes much longer. This can feel punishing in the face of “overnight success” stories. But no success is truly overnight and the things that light you up are always worth doing no matter how long it takes.
If you don’t love yourself how are you gonna love somebody else. Rupaul
Always reread the completed assignment the next morning, *before* you turn it in.
I wanted to cry at my son’s graduation last year–not tears of joy but tears of wondering where that little boy went.
The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.
~Neil Gaiman
I never look back, darling. It distracts from the now.
~Edna Mode
Always be the leader in any group projects in your classes; you’ll be the one doing all the work anyway. – my husband, who just finished his masters degree last year.
Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. – my dad’s advice to me when I left for college.
You only live once but if you do it right once is enough. – Mae West
Wow, you came to terms with it way faster than I did – I basically had writers block for a year. It’s like, “wait you just got really good and now you’re leaving?!”
Advice for them:
1. nothing and no one is ever as simple & straightforward as it seems at first. Curiosity is the easter egg code to literally everything. Well, that and a good sense of humor.
2. find a good therapist to teach you good tools for handling hard stuff & for processing the trauma inherent to being alive in this world right now.
3. there is no right answer, and no wrong way to live your life, only choices. If something is draining you dry, choose again. If you regret it, choose again. There are things worth struggling with for the goal, and things that aren’t what you expected & are worth dropping. Sometimes you can only learn the difference by getting it wrong.
4. If something is hard to start, then your first step probably needs to be divided into smaller steps. On the other hand, sometimes it’s your gut saying no. See above re learning the difference.
5. You can have any 2 of these at a time: good grades, a social life, or sleep/mental health. Caveat: when you rely on sacrificing the last one too heavily, you risk losing all 3.
For you:
1. No, they will never ever stop needing their mom sometimes. You are not done parenting by a long shot, it’s just now you’re an advisor rather than a supervisor. Also, that first adult broken heart is excruciating. Nature and desserts are decent emergency measures, but they mostly need your faith that it gets better.
2. Learning to relate as autonomous adults is hard. Learning to connect without the day-to-day minutiae of living together is hard. It gets easier. We’ve been letting go since the contractions began, this is just another wave – keep breathing.
3. Learning to relate to your partner without the parenting element again after. 18 years is hard. It also gets better, as long as you both want it to.
4. Decide who you want to be now that you’re not dedicated to raising a person. Experiment. Get outside your comfort zone. Go through phases. Have fun with it.
Success by Ralph Waldo Emerson. I won’t type out the whole thing because 1) I’m tired. And 2) I’m sure you have a way or two of looking it up. You are amazing parents and I can’t wait to see and hear about what they accomplish next in this big crazy world.
If you can only be one thing, be kind. If you feel lighter when you walk away, keep walking. And always have your own bank account.
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.
~ Oscar Wilde
From The Low Road by Marge Piercy
“It goes on one at a time,
it starts when you care
to act, it starts when you do
it again and they said no,
it starts when you say We
and know who you mean,
and each day you mean one more.”
“True love is worth a punch in the face, and often feels like one.”
Cooper and Fitz
The past is past and may never return;
The future we know not;
And the present is all we can call our own.
Alix of Hesse-Darmstadt written in the journal of her soon to be husband Nicholas II of Russia.
Life is too short to take seriously. – Oscar Wilde
and from my daughter:
Bad days don’t mean you’re failing.
I just read this in the book Wildoak by C.C. Harrington. “Be kind to yourself. It’s hard to be human.” I also like “Comparison is the thief of joy.” All the very best to Hailey, and to you and Victor, during this transition!
Success is hard.
Failure is hard.
Choose your hard.
Treat your social life like it is a class. Don’t fail at it just to pass something else.
“Connect when the feeling strikes. Work on loving. Work to avoid regret. Because a lot of the time it’s hard to tell what the last time looks like.” – Will Johnson
“Want it awhile”- my parents said this all the time when I was a small child, and it’s true – if you see something you MUST HAVE NOW, wait a week or so, and see if it’s still the most important thing in the world. This has saved me tons of money and angst.
“Never make someone your priority when all you are to them is an option.” Maya Angelou
A friend told me she tells all her graduating students that they need to get and start tending two things right away: a Roth IRA and a cast iron skillet. This seems quite practical.
My advice, for what it’s worth, is that life is in the doing not in the having-done. So pause and revel in the process more often than you might be inclined to.
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Do it.
You’re scared?
Then do it scared.
Advice I read somewhere and deploy regularly to my own kids (the oldest of whom—gulp—is graduating high school in three weeks): When you don’t feel right in your body or your mind
1) drink some water
2) if you still feel off, have a snack
3) if that doesn’t work, take a nap
4) if that’s not enough, take a walk
Be present, care for your body, let your mind rest. It might not be a fix, but it’s a help.
All I have is my Dads favourite — it’s better to let it out and bear the shame then hold it in and bear the pain.
😳😳
Don’t worry about stuff. It doesn’t happen. Other stuff does.
When in doubt, do nothing.
~me~
It’s totally fine to quit sometimes, or just take more time then others. It’s not a race it’s a marathon.
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.
It’s totally fine to quit, Or take more time then others. Its not a race, its a marathon. keep at it .
First things first but not necessarily in that order.
My wonderful mother in law said to me as I frantically broke down over wedding planning, “Remember there are no wedding police”. Meaning do you what YOU want, it’s kind of silly to follow a nonexistent law to do what you think others want. Now I say it all the time…there are no Christmas police, there are no birthday celebration police, there are no parent volunteering at school police, there are no driving police…hahaha…sometimes the saying doesn’t work!
Words from my great grandmother, who lived to be 93 and lived through The Spanish Flu pandemic (she was a nurse – it was awful), WWI, , the Great Depression, WWIi, and as she called it “the glorious, lovely 1960s!”:
“If something is truly worth doing, it is worth the energy to do it right,. But pick the things that you put that energy into thoughtfully- we’re only human, and we can only do so much. Life is precious and fragile, so make time to enjoy it, my dear!”
When saying goodbye in college, my dad used to say, “Be good, and if you don’t, name it after me.” Lol, terrible advice (especially given his first name), but it always brought a smile.
Remember that everyone you meet is going through struggles you don’t see has been great advice, or, as my ex phrased it, “It ain’t always about you, sweetheart.”
My divorce lawyer said something like, “Just because they’re playing music, it doesn’t mean you have to dance.” I quote her a lot.
A happy life consists not in the absence, but in the mastery of hardships – Helen Keller
What if the Hokey-Pokey really IS what it’s all about? -Jack Hannly
One thing I told one of the children I advocate for really struck home with him, so I will share it. (we were discussing how it sucks to make mistakes and have to live with them) “you can’t change what you’ve done but you can change what you do.”
“The grass may be greener on the other side but it still has to be mowed.”
Or my favorite quote my dad taught me that I use every almost day “Either baffle them with brilliance or dazzle them with bullshit.”
Maybe you can distribute the wisdom journal to all of us? I give you the award for “best mom ever”. They are so lucky to have you.
Is Hailey still doing theatre? As an AEA SM and a theatre professor, I offer this to them…remember that everyone behind the audition table is rooting for you. NO ONE wants to see you fail. Be your best self in that room and you will shine!
Patti – I was thinking the same thing! I printed the first 88, but I’d love to have them all, or be able to pick and choose. Lots of WONDERFUL words of wisdom for so many occasions. Thanks for sharing Jenny!
I have so many good ones, but I’ll just pick two:
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Oliver Wendell Holmes
“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.” Mahatma Ghandi
I cross stitched myself the saying, “When life feels overwhelming, remember you are going to die.” Basically, that eventually whatever is stressing you out won’t matter.
But also the whole thing about eat something, drink water, or sleep and things will seem better.
From my Mom: It doesn’t matter how we got here, here is where we are. Now what are we going to do?
From Terry Pratchett’s “Hogfather”: Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
We must never stop failing, because the minute we do, we’ve failed.
Edgin Darvis, Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
“Sometimes a person has to go a very long distance out of his way to come back a short distance correctly” (Edward Albee, The Zoo Story). Also: the older you get, the more like yourself you become.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. – Dr. Suess
There’s nothing that says everyone is supposed to be like everyone else – you are not meant to be a cookie-cutter stamp of another person. We are all a compilation of chemistry and biology and that indefinable quality that makes each one of us unique and special in our own way. That includes our physical and psychological makeup. But what we all have in common is the universal need to be loved and accepted for who we are. — Felice Stevens
Here’s one: Be comfortable with yourself, because wherever you go, there you are. And: Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
I have two.
First from Elizabeth Taylor on why she got so involved with HIV/AIDS advocacy in the early, horrible days. She said she was frustrated and kept saying—as most of us do—that ‘someone should do something.’ Then one day it hit her:
“Bitch. Do something yourself. Instead of sitting there getting angry, DO something!”
And the second, from Isak Dineson:
“The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea.”
“Listen to understand not to respond”….
I have a few, my favourites being “action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action” which was Benjamin Disraeli. I also think “Be excellent to each other” which was Abraham Lincoln (in Bill and Ted’s bogus journey) is a good one. Finally “don’t be a whiney little bitch” which was the great philosopher Dean Winchester has always resonated with me… I say that to myself a lot!
No matter how stupid you feel, remember Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother.
From my Dad: “Never try to bend a cracker.” I don’t really know what it means, but seems like good advice.
Also, from a gift my sister gave me: “Just be.”
Finally, one of my other sisters got me this calendar for Christmas. It’s filled with awesome daily messages. I love it. https://you-are-beautiful.com/products/today-daily-calendar
Better to regret the thing you did do than the thing you didn’t!
Also
It’s easier to ask for forgiveness then permission!
A fool is someone whose pencil wears out before its eraser does. – Marilyn vas Savant
Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can b beaten. – G.K. Chesterton
If someone’s opinion is stupid, you don’t need to listen to it.
Also, anytime you are having anxiety about adult-stuff (finances, paperwork, etc.), definitely check it out. Do not ignore it.
Every day I wake up is a good day.
Don’t drink Jungle Juice….EVER!
I was always the DD for my friends in college, if Hailey does that for their friends, take home everyone you came with and look after them through the night. If Hailey isn’t the DD, pay for one meal for your DD, it’s always appreciated; and don’t get mad if they don’t let you take someone home that you just met.
Avoid 3-hour block evening classes at all costs! Even if you’re a night owl…those professors will put you right to sleep.
Work hard in silence, let your success do the noise.
Mistakes are proof you’re trying.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. – Elbert Hubbard
Congrats Hailey, you’re going to do awesome things! Good Luck and Great Job Jenny & Victor, you’ve already done an awesome job!
Two more. Memes, really, but also great mottos to live by:
DFTBA (Don’t Forget To Be Awesome)
~ the Vlog Brothers (Hank & John Green)
And Wheaton’s Law:
Don’t be a dick. ~ Wil Wheaton
“If Plan A doesn’t work out, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Stay cool.”
And don’t forget about deep breaths – all of you! It does help.
This is such an exciting & scary transition. I still remember when my younger daughter left for college. Sending love & Zen hugs!! 😎💜✌🏼
Don’t wait for anyone to see how great you are. Look in the mirror and clap! You’re the most important person in the audience.
“Happiness is the highest form of wisdom.” (Jacqueline Carey, fantasy novelist)
Also, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” (Theodore Roosevelt)
The Maya Angelou quote does not take into account someone who might be having their worst moment on their worst day.
If someone shows who you who they are at that moment, wait and see if they are always that person on the inside, or if they just didn’t handle that moment very well.
Everyone has a bad day and loses it now and again.
It’s the ones whose basic nature is that way that you have to watch out for.
Shared pain is lessened, shared joy is increased, thus do we refute entropy – Spider Robinson.
This is long. But they’re good. NOTE: This is quoted advice that (coincidentally?) came through a newsletter I subscribe to this morning. Also note: Carey is a Christian. If the overtly Christian parts of the advice aren’t helpful, pass over them.
“Twenty-five Pieces of Random Advice for Young Leaders – by Carey Nieuwhof
1. Deal with your issues early
You have issues. Everyone does.
As tempting as it is to believe otherwise, it’s not your wife, husband, kids, or job who are causing all the pain in your life. You are the common denominator in everything that’s happened to you. So deal with you.
Go see a trained counselor. Hire a coach. Read some books. Do what it takes to deal with your junk.
2. Invest in coaches and counselors who make you better
On that note, most people who need counseling say they can’t afford it. It’s like couples who can’t afford a date night but then spend thousands of dollars on divorce later because their relationship fell apart.
If you need counseling to deal with issues, it’s an investment. Ditto with coaches who can bring out the best in you.
It’s not just an investment in you. It’s an investment in everyone you impact.
3. Get off the fence
Indecision plagues too many people.
Make the best decision you can with the information you have, then humbly pursue it with everything you’ve got.
4. Study and practice faithfulness
Faithfulness is rare. Not just in marriage, but also in life.
Culture teaches us to dispose of anything or anyone we don’t like.
So do the opposite.
Learn how to be consistent, loyal, and steadfast, holding to what you know is right even when you feel like doing the opposite.
5. Live like God loves you and what it says in the Bible is true
Most people wish someone loved them unconditionally. Someone does.
So live like it.
And while you’re at it, live like what it says in the Bible is true. Doubt your doubts. You won’t regret it.
6. Be generous when you have no money
Don’t fall for the lie that you will be generous one day when you have money. If you’re not generous now, you won’t be generous then.
Practice generosity with every dollar you receive and everything you have. Then if you ever have money or possessions, they won’t own you.
You will have released their grip from your life long ago. And you will look behind you and already see you’ve been able to make more of a difference than you imagined.
7. Choose a few awesome friends and stick with them
Friendships can be confusing in your 20s, 30s, and 40s. Friendship circles change when you leave school, get married, and even change jobs.
In the midst of all that change, find a few friends and stick with them for life.
Most people can only handle 5 really close relationships in their life. Choose those 5 well and build into those relationships deeply.
8. Cultivate a circle of people around you who make you better
In the last 20 years, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to intentionally pursue friendships and relationships with people who are smarter, more skilled, and simply ‘better’ than me.
One of the best ways to become a better person and leader is to spend time with people who are better than you.
9. Get comfortable being around people who are smarter than you
Deal with your insecurities. Get comfortable being around people who are smarter than you.
It will make you better, but it’s also the key to creating an exceptional team.
If you always have to be the smartest person in the room, you’ll eventually end up in a pretty vacuous room.
10. Relentlessly pursue self-awareness
Self-aware people make the best leaders and frankly, are the easiest people to hang out with in life. Chances are your favorite people are people who are deeply self-aware.
But self-awareness doesn’t come naturally. I’m naturally blind to the impact I have on other people around me. So are you.
11. Make peace with your weaknesses
You’ll never be great at everything.
The sooner you get used to that, the better off you’ll be. Eventually, you’ll stop trying to cover up and stop feeling so bad about yourself. That’s progress.
12. Pour increasing amounts of energy into your strengths
Once you realize you’re only great at a few things, you’re free to become even greater at them.
Pour your time, energy, and resources into what you do very best. That’s the difference between being good at something and being the best in the world.
13. Get comfortable with solitude
Solitude is a thoughtful leader’s best friend. It also is a key to self-awareness.
If you really want to grow as a person and as a leader, and grow in your relationships, get comfortable with solitude.
14. Wrestle down your pride
Pride is ugly. It gets you into trouble again and again.
The only person to whom your pride looks appealing is you. Think about it…you don’t like pride in anyone but yourself.
So pray it out. Beat it out. Do what you need to do to wrestle it down.
15. Fight cynicism
The more you know, the harder it gets to stay hopeful.
Cynics never change the world; they just tell you why the world doesn’t change.
Don’t be one. Check the cynicism that’s growing inside you.
16. Kill selfish ambition
Ambition isn’t bad. In fact, it can change the world.
Selfish ambition is bad. It can destroy the world.
So be ambitious, but be ambitious for the sake of a cause that’s far bigger than you are.
17. Don’t give into stupid temptations that will come your way
You will be tempted to do stupid things. Don’t.
Don’t have an affair, take shortcuts, or cheat to get ahead.
It’s so not worth it.
18. Find the high road and live on it
The high road is the hard road. But it’s the best road.
People will try to pull you off the high road again and again. Don’t.
Take it. Every time.
19. Don’t wrestle with a pig
Conversely, the low road has virtually no reward.
Years ago someone dropped this gem on me.
Don’t wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig liked it.
So so true.
20. Work twice as hard on your character as you do on your competency
Competency is not the main key to success. Character is.
Your competency will take you only as far as your character can sustain you.
21. Persevere through the dry seasons
Your time with God will go flat. Sometimes you’ll think what you believe is a farce.
Even marriage, family, and friends go through seasons where everything seems boring.
Hang in there. Your emotions eventually catch up with your obedience. So be obedient.
22. Discover what refuels you and do more of it
Some things give you energy in life, some things drain you.
Figure out what refuels you. Then do more of it.
Your choice, over the long run, is self-care or self-medication. Choose self-care.
23. Book appointments with yourself
Your calendar will naturally fill up with urgent things other people believe are important.
And you will watch a decade or more pass by without doing anything really significant.
Book appointments with yourself to do what really matters, whether that’s taking a day off, being with your family, writing an important talk, or taking time to think.
Then when someone asks you if you’re busy, you can truthfully say “I’d love to help, but I have a commitment.”
24. Trust again
Your heart will get mangled and you’ll be tempted to stop trusting people altogether.
Don’t.
Trust again. Hope again. Believe again.
You’ll be so glad you did.
25. Be bold
Be bolder than you think you should be.
Too many dreams die of timidity. Which leads to #26 even though I know this post says 25…
Bonus: Don’t let fear win
Yep…you’re afraid.
Go for it anyway.”
“C’s get degrees”. Maybe not the right advice for everyone, but for my anxious, perfectionist self I needed to hear that my performance in college didn’t need to be perfect – just “good enough” was fine to get to graduation!
Jessica Kantrowitz says, “You are not alone, and this will not last forever” and that’s gotten me through some sticky situations.
And then there’s “It’s okay to ask for help. It doesn’t make you a wuss or weak. If you don’t ask questions and/or for help, how can people help?” Dunno who said it, it’s kind of a mash-up, but it’s still true.
Listen to your gut/instincts. Follow it. If you want to question your gut; call Mom and ask. Always ask. Mom is there. Mom will never stop being your Mom. She’s there to ask.
“Let us go singing as far as we go: the road will be less tedious.” -Virgil
“Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are.” -Theodore Roosevelt
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” -Margaret Mead
Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a dear friend
“There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.”
The Fourth Doctor, Doctor Who
“Don’t worry about the past and don’t try to figure out the future”
― Garrison Keillor, A Christmas Blizzard
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. This is one that’s helped me through transitions.
“Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”
This little quote from Guillaum Apollonaire was stuck to my Gramma’s fridge for years.. it works!
Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups.
Nothing good happens after midnight (be home before midnight) & Everything in moderation. Those 2 should get you through a lot.
The term “gut check” is real. If you have a weird feeling in your gut, you probably know it’s not a good thing to do. If still in doubt on gut check, ask if you would feel good telling your Grandparents about it the next day.
Know that you will make mistakes. Everyone does and it’s okay. Don’t try to be perfect – just be you & you can always do a course correction.
Education is a lot more than school. Jump in & enjoy your life — not just the books.
All the best!!
Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety. Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in. Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day; begin it serenely, with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations to waste a moment on the yesterdays.”
(Good to read after a bad exam grade, any shitty day in general or the day of regret after streaking across campus!)
“Trust your instincts.”
–Read an article where a psychologist claimed people are losing their natural caution. They said women in particular need to trust themselves if a situation feels wrong. An example they gave, don’t get on an elevator to the parking garage if the only other person on it feels “wrong”.
“A woman is like a teabag. They get stronger in hot water.”
–A quote from Eleanor Roosevelt (Off a Celestial Seasonings tea box ; ) My life tends to soak in “hot water” so I think of this quote a lot!
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellent then, is not an act, but a habit. -Anonymous
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“Love is not blind – it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.”
― Rabbi Julius Gordon
Work is what you do for others, Art is what you do for yourself – Stephen Sondheim, Sunday in the Park with George
This part of the lyrics to I Knew Prufock Before He Was Famous by Frank Turner have always stuck with me:
And I know I’m not the one who is habitually optimistic, but I’m the one who’s got the microphone here so just remember this:
Life is about love, last minutes and lost evenings, about fire in our bellies and furtive little feelings, and the aching amplitudes that set our needles all a-flickering, and help us with remembering that the only thing that’s left to do is live. After all the loving and the losing, the heroes and the pioneers, the only thing that’s left to do is get another round in at the bar.
Always do the right thing, not the easiest thing.
Successful people are more concerned with the result of their efforts than the comfort they feel along the way. Don’t sacrifice your dreams for what feels easy at the time.
(Star Trek: The Next Generation)
Captain Jean-Luc Picard : It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.
You’ve got this, Mama. (That’s for you, not Hailey!) As for advice: find the place where you feel like you belong and the people who help you belong there, and most of the rest will take care of itself.
There will always be those greater and lesser than you, so focus on just doing your best.
When my son was seven, he said, “Mommy! Listen to what Grandpa taught me! Ahem. Life is a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less you taste the shit.” So I went to my Dad and said, “Dad?! Really?!” And he said, “It’s true, and the sooner he learns that the better.
“To the journey.” — Captain Janeway’s toast on the final episode of Star Trek Voyager. Sometimes the process of getting there is more important than the destination.
Life lessons and life hacks:
1. No matter how hard you work nor how talented you are there will be people who will attempt to make you doubt your gifts and yourself. Don’t EVER for a single second listen to them.
Those who do that are attempting to deaden your inner light, because they feel deficient in theirs. Feed your inner light, and allow it to shine like a diamond for all to see.
2. Take risks, even the funny little ones like whether or not to dye your hair pink or to wear that turquoise liquid liner in a flicked cat eye style.
Bask in the joy of self possession and expression including with fashion. I have allergies now, so I can’t dye my hair nor use hair products like I used to and I miss it terribly.
3. The only fashion/beauty commandment to limit yourself by is leave thy eyebrows alone. Don’t shave nor over pluck those as those may not come back.
4. Coupons. Always do a quick search for a coupon code before online checkout or heading into a store for an item. I’ve saved countless amounts of money this way.
5. There are those who believe the fallacy that love is scarce. I’ve known these people-they are wrong. Love is in infinite in supply and vastness. There is no limit to love and it’s power. There is also enough success, and goodness to go around for all.
“Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.” – David Whyte
When the elephants stampede, stand in the corner.
My Dad’s old boss used to say that all the time. And I try to say it to myself when I’m tempted to get caught up in other people’s BS.
My words of wisdom to share with Haley. A commencement speech given by David Foster Wallace at Kenyon College in ’05. It’s a fantastic speech and generally just good words to live by.
https://fs.blog/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/
I think you were asking for words of wisdom re: sending your daughter off to college, but I don’t have kids.
My words of wisdom: a commencement speech to share with Haley, delivered to the graduating class of ’05 at Kenyon College. It’s a great speech and just generally great words to live by.
https://fs.blog/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/
As for wisdom, I think you were looking more for advice re: sending your only daughter off to college, but I don’t have kids…
I just heard this today. Not monumental, but could be helpful. “Leaves of three, let it be.” (On how to identify poison ivy.) Congratulations Hailey!!
“your soul of souls loves the one who runs and falls down, more than the one who sits and watches” Rumi
For Jenny: A Ship in Harbor Is Safe, But that Is Not What Ships Are Built For
Everything has a price tag. You just have to figure out if it’s worth the price you have to pay — be it money, time, privacy, effort or whatever.
Be kind to your knees. You’ll need them later.
If you’re looking for a life partner, start by looking for someone kind. Attractive doesn’t last long. Brave is situational. Smart is nice and funny is good but kind will get you through the hard times.
If someone starts a sentence with, “Don’t take this the wrong way…” run. Run fast, run far.
This is from a college professor (me): In twenty years, you will have no idea what you scored on the exam. None. You will remember the facts that make your heart speed up and the faces and voices that change your life. That’s education.
My first thought on seeing this was “wait, there’s no way, it hasn’t been _that_ long since I found this site, it’s just been… oh. Wait. Um. Yeah, okay, checks out.”
“Let it go Louie” – Budweiser commercial
“Pretty pretty please don’t you ever ever think that you’re less than Fucking Perfect to me” – P!nk
I have 2…..1 of which is from you (via Neil Gaiman) pretend you’re good at it.
Also, this too shall pass…it might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass
Spend money on shoes and mattresses-because you’ll be in one or the other most of the time.
Take the chance.
“Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday.” –Sir Anthony Hopkins
When the road seems too long, focus on the next step.
Do one hard thing every day.
I wish I would have know it sooner! Let people do what the want, and they will show you what they’d rather do.
The quote that has gotten me through life is,
“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”
Audre Lorde
I know the meaning of life: Do the next thing.
“Remember that the less a man makes declarative statements, the less apt he is to look foolish in retrospect.”- Quinton Tarantino (Four Rooms)
“It’s progress, not perfection”
“don’t confuse open mindedness with a lack of critical judgment”
“Most men are of no more use in their lives but as machines for turning food into shit.” -L.M. Bujold
Don’t be one.
“Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.” Caller to The Minimalist podcast
“Everything is generally okay in the end. If it isn’t okay, it isn’t the end yet.” Translated from The Checkerboard by Fernando Sabino
One that has really stuck with me and proven very true over the years: “There’s no happy ending to an unhappy journey.”
It costs nothing to be kind.
The hottest places in hell are reserved for those, who in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality. -Dante
The truths that we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view. -Obi Wan Kenobi
Let us hope that we are preceded in this world by a love story. -Don J. Snyder
I know that the first one is a bit dark, but I think that it is important.
The Scene Shop of your Stagecraft Class operates under the laws of Newtonian Physics:
-Do not attempt to occupy the same space as any piece of moving equipment. You will lose.
-RESPECT gravity or it will beat the hell out of you, and everyone around you.
-IF IT IS NOT AIR DON’T BREATH IT. Wear the dam dust mask.
-Hearing loss is cumulative. Important for singers to listen for their cue, right? Wear the damn ear protection. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Always wear the safety glasses when operating equipment, for all the reasons above.
-Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.
-Always make friends with the Theater Technicians, those nerds will save you every single time.
Break a leg.
Wait to buy your textbooks until around a week or 2 after classes start! In that time, you’ll figure out whether or not you’ll ACTUALLY need the book in that time, and it’ll save so much money. And when you do buy them, use bigwords.com – they compare books across all sites to find the cheapest AND find coupon codes. Enjoy college 🙂
A college professor once told our class that it’s never going to be straight road towards your dream job, and that’s okay
Quizlet is an AMAZING resource for studying. If you search your class number (and sometimes professor name) there’s a big chance someone has already made flash cards for the class
You and Victor have raised a lovely, intelligent daughter. You are supportive of them without question – though I’m sure you’ll ask the right questions when and if you need to. Let her know there’s never a bad time to call either of you, not to drink sitting down (yes, I know they are underage, but still!) and further in that vein, and to fetch their own drinks and to never leave their drinks unattended And remind them that unfortunately, sometimes the world is a dangerous place. Wow. That said, it is all depressing and pessimistic. Go forth, Hailey and have fun, but use your head and trust your gut!
The reason we are all here is because we are not all there.
Trust, but verify. (Ronald Reagan)
Reach for the thought that feels better. (Abraham-Hicks)
Well-behaved women seldom make history. (Attributed to many people.)
And I’ve always found The Four Agreements helpful:
Be impeccable with your word.
Don’t take anything personally.
Don’t make assumptions.
Always do your best.
Also, “Paris is always a good idea.” (Audrey Hepburn) LOL
Once, when I was in a very dark place, I saw a sign on a business that said “The good times never last but neither do the bad”. It carried me through and still does to this day when some days are less optimal than others.
I don’t know if anyone said this before me, but two pieces of advice that have never steered me wrong (although one taken too far could lead to hoarding)
1. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.
I have gotten more things in life by just asking for them- outlandish, crazy things that I would not have thought possible, but I asked just for the hell of it and sometimes, it totally works out!
2. It’s better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
I have said this to my kids their whole lives and they now say it to me- usually about taking a jacket somewhere. But it has served us all well.
Wishing Hailey all the fun and success in the world!
“It’s better to be a first-rate version of yourself than a second-rate version of someone else.” — Judy Garland
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” — Dr. Maya Angelou
My mantra for life’s irritations…If this is the worst thing that happens to me today I’ll consider it a win!
Do not be daunted by the insurmountability of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work but neither are you free to abandon it. (The Talmud) This grounds me. And I’m not even Jewish.
To paraphrase Kate Bowler, “everything happens for a reason” is a lie. Sometimes things just happen. But I feel that it’s up to us to decide if we can find meaning in things, & what that meaning is.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” (Dr. Seuss)
1. Two write-in votes, cast as a joke, can get someone elected to student senate.
2. If your roommate takes 8 a.m. classes, also take 8 a.m. classes. They won’t be quiet and you’ll be up anyway. Your first nap can be when your day is done at 11.
“People joke about their truths” has been a lifeline when I get confused about appearances.
Congratulations to the Lawson family and Lawson-adjacents. That former kid was well-kidded, and it was a team effort.
“If you speak when angry, you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” Attributed to lots of people but first said by Groucho Marx.
what would you do if you knew you could not fail?
One that I learned from you that I use often: Not my circus. Not my monkeys.
Also- “Success leaves clues.” You don’t have to figure it all out by yourself. Figure out what other people have done that worked and start there.
When you have to deal with a person who is mean/uncooperative/vindictive/nasty, remind yourself of two things: you don’t know what that person is going through, and be glad you are not that person. (Or married to that person.) — from my husband, the retired psych nurse
“Do not go where the path may lead, Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” — a magnet on my fridge
Also, “well-behaved women seldom make history.” –Laurel Thatcher Ulrich (also a magnet on my fridge)
I like this from Ricky Gervais: “The greatest bit of advice I ever received was ‘Don’t worry, no one else knows what they’re doing either.'” So freeing.
Faith is believing in spite of the evidence and watching the evidence change.
While I first saw it on a cheesy inspirational poster, its quite true:
‘You cannot discover new oceans unless you have courage to lose sight of the shore.’
“Everything you want is on the other side of hard,” and “Well done is better than well said.” – Monty Williams
“Don’t let your mouth write a check your ass can’t cash.” – my dad
“Put down something that is not yours to carry.” – my therapist
“The rules of adulthood:
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re full.
You can be a jerk, or you can be incompetent, but you can’t be both.
Sometimes you’re the glitter; sometimes you’re the glue.” – Life
There is one person in this universe you are not allowed to lie to. your partner? Wrong. Your Mother? Wrong. It is the one you often do not understand. You.
This is something I’ve learned recently which has really helped me. “Don’t be afraid to do things half-assed. If you only start things with the idea that it has to be complete or perfect you will drive yourself insane. Doing a shitty, half finished job is better then never starting in the first place.”
When I graduated from highschool in 1994, my brother left me with these words of wisdom that I’ll never forget: “Good luck in all that you do, and don’t fall out of your bed too much.” Which isn’t really advice, really, but it stuck with me all these years.
“Hope for the best, but plan for the worst”
Don’t know who said it. Also, my own thing: wrap duct tape around a tube of mascara and keep it in your purse, bag, mochila, whatever. Mascara can brighten you up fast on a busy day, and duct tape can cover those blisters you got from new shoes, and so many other uses.
Congratulations! This is one I try to live by: Do no harm but take no shit.
I’m very much enjoying reading your book Broken right now. I started it a few weeks ago when I was in a dark time. Reading your words and especially laughing, helped give me strength to get to the other side of it again. Thank you! I especially enjoyed the chapter: Samuel L. Jackson to Kill Me. 🤣
‘You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.’ Wayne Gretzky
This is from my momma: Just ask ask; the worst they can say is, “No.”
“We may lose, we may win, but we’ll never be here again. Take it easy.”
From my mama: “Do the best you can, as fast as you can, and get it over with.” As a long undiagnosed-ADHDer, this made my life hell, maybe it will work for someone else XD
From me: (as a parent) “Learn a skill that will help you get a job/make money” and (as a CPA) “Accounting is not about math.” Having even an Accounting 101 level of knowledge will help you in every aspect of life. Even if you hate math, accounting is more about concepts, just let the computers and calculators do the math for you. There seem to always be accounting-related job openings, AND between Boomers retiring and Gen X accountants going more towards private business, there’s a huge need for people in the bookkeeping/tax/public accounting world. We make good money, it’s easy to create a flexible work schedule, and most work can be done remotely. But NEVER get a job in collections, it’s soul sucking.
Also, if you have a class to take that you are absolutely dreading, take it during summer session. The classes are typically too short to do the in-depth projects that are done during regular semesters, so you get it done in less time with less work.
From my (very wealthy) former boss: “Pay yourself first.” Make savings a priority, both general savings and retirement savings.
From every flight attendant ever: “Put your oxygen mask on first, before assisting anyone else.” Don’t sacrifice yourself for anyone else, you are the most important person to you!
It’s not stupid if it works. <3
First Rule of Disaster:Hold your thumb up between you and the disaster. Can you still see the disaster around the margins of your thumb? If yes, you’re too close, so back up! Second Rule of Disaster: If it’s wet, sticky, and not yours, don’t touch it. Third Rule of Disaster: Never miss an opportunity to pee. You don’t know when the next opportunity will come by.
Save your course catalog. Never lose it. Never throw it away. Ever. Even years down the road you may need it again to prove what courses were required to get a specific degree if they change requirements or if you decide to change directions.
But…
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it…
Major in something you are good at. College is hard enough – you don’t need to fight against the current of your own talent.
Congrats Hailey! You’re totally gonna rock college!
Hmm, quotes.
My Pooh (because apparently it didn’t come from Milne) favorite is “Always remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.”
I just found this one today. Coco Chanel: “Don’t be like the rest of them, darling.”
Shakespeare:”Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” And: “We know what we are, but not what we may be.” And: Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.” And: “Talking isn’t doing. It is a kind of good deed to say well; and yet words are not deeds.” And: Wisely, and slow. They stumble that run fast.” I think Hailey is maybe a bit more musical than theater, but maybe they can still appreciate this one: “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts.” (I really like Shakespeare.)
Best of luck to them! And so glad y’all got to go on a nice trip this summer!