Yesterday I found Squirrely Temple splayed out and unconscious on the dirt under the tree she usually perches on to chatter menacingly at me for existing.
This is squirrely Temple being her normal self, for comparison:
I thought maybe she’d fainted from heatstroke so I grabbed some water to pour over her but when I got close she rolled over on her side and growled at me.
I was still worried though so I looked up “what do I do if my squirrel has heat stroke?” and google was like, “Did you mean to ask: ‘IS YOUR SQUIRREL SPLOOTING?‘”
I was like, “I absolutely was not” but I still clicked on it and turns out that tons of people are finding seemingly dead squirrels splayed out in their yards and it’s become so common that there is a name for it. Squirrel Splooting. Google assures me that seeing squirrels splooting is very normal during heat waves because they press their bellies to the the cooler ground to regulate their temperature and that you should just leave some water out for them, so I made a tiny Barbie pool for Squirrely Temple. She glared at me and growled at it like the ungrateful bitch she is, which was very reassuring and I’m glad she’s already back to her old self.
Conclusion: Please leave some water out for your splooting wildlife friends, even if they’re occasionally dicks. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.