As heavily requested, this is a follow-up to Friday’s post (“WHAT IS THE MYSTERIOUS GIANT CIRCULAR POOP IN MY YARD“).
In all honesty I should tell you that I did not expect this to blow up. I keep getting these emails from social media consultants telling me that I should hire them because I’m doing it wrong and that my content doesn’t make sense for my brand. And that’s ridiculous because if I even have a brand I’m pretty sure that “doing it wrong” and “not making sense” is it. (Why am I getting so many of these? Am I on a list? Is there a discord of social media consultants just wondering why I suck so much?) And that’s why I was thrilled to post 5 instagram videos in a row all about the large poop-ish mystery object I found in my yard, none of which actually gave any satisfying answers at all.
But then turns out that those videos got a half million views and suddenly I have 1,000 new followers and now I feel like I need to tell those thousand new people to unfollow me because “bizarre oversized poop dissection” is not my normal content and now I feel like I’ve tricked people into thinking I’m a big-deal mystery poop influencer and I hate disappointing people. So I guess branding is important after all?
All of that to say that I think we have actually solved the riddle of the WHAT IS THIS THING?
As requested, I did a few more experiments. First, I smelled it…it smells like…feet and dirt, I guess? Like elementary school PE, if that makes sense. Then I dropped it in water. It sort of floated but did not dissolve, so I was able to cross “terrible bath-bomb made my hedge witches” off the list of possibilities. There were several other suggestions that shared, including:
Dried osage orange
Bezoar from a goats stomach
Croquet ball
Overly-ambitious dung beetle collection
Oak gall
Fairy gift
Vegan hash brownie
Wildflower seed ball
A bad rock
Whiskey ball (didn’t even know this was a thing until now)
Giant Ferrero Rocher.
And…the inside of a baseball.
And I ruled the baseball one out at first because I thought baseballs were made of string and rubber but turns out some of them are just…this:
And the third one kinda looks like the inside of whatever it is I found?
That feels anticlimactic though so let’s say it’s the inside of a baseball which was left by fairies. Everyone wins.
Which means… Victor called it. [Disappointed finger snap emoji]
Jenny, You do you, I love your content and books.
I think there are lots of folks wanting to be “social media consultants” that aren’t. Heck, with a million views and 1000 new followers, you seem to be doing fine.
Besides, seems any reputable smc (is that a thing? I’m leaving it) would be sought out, not ambulance chasing poop posters.
Clearly, those social media consultants don’t even go here.
The new followers will decide for themselves whether to stay or go. I’ll bet many come for the questionable poop, and stay for the … actual poop? No. Wait.
I love the baseball left by fairies idea! But more probably a large bird or raccoon or dog dropped it in your yard. They all love to collect objects.
I feel like asking about mystery objects and making the neighbors uncomfortable and drawing Victor into your unique view of the world is exactly on brand for your blog.
You just reached more folks with this particular item because it’s exactly the sort of thing that if we stumbled upon it, we would all have the same reaction to it.
Or maybe it’s a baseball from that iconic game the Cullens played in Twilight. How could it have traveled all the way from Washington to Texas? I mean, how far can werewolves travel? Just a thought.
(I can’t believe I never thought about this one. They totally hit the ball hard enough for the skin to rip off during the game. ~ Jenny)
Yup, that’s cork.
Your fairy godmother harpy eagle left it for you with a secret message. No ideas on how to decode a spherical possible-poop-ball message, though.
But did you cut all those balls in half or did you just find a picture?
(Oh, those are way too competently sawed for us. Someone emailed me the picture. ~ Jenny)
“A discord of social media consultants,” excellent plural!
I called it on the first video. I feel like I should get a prize. Or something.
Social media consultants are 💯 wrong, this is definitely on brand for you and why we love you!
If your blog posts ever start being logical/making sense or stop containing poop/fairies/Victor/taxidermy/epic pet names/mental health/terrifying nature stories/introversion/books/and-or purchases that make your husband’s bp go up then I will know we are in the end times 😂
Please do not ever change!
Mysterious giant poop ball is directly IN your wheelhouse, darlin’. It’s exactly why we follow you!
I am sorry to disappoint you, but as a longtime Jenny fan I think that “bizarre oversized poop dissection” is SO your normal content. I mean that in a good way. I think.
You are the best mystery poop influencer I’ve ever followed 💩 (This is literally the first time I’ve ever used that emoji because I hate it. Only for you Jenny!)
Your picture is from quality sports balls. Look at cheap Walmart stuff a kid would have.
Nah, it’s poop. I don’t know why but I am all here for WHAT BIG POOP DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW.
This video compares a MLB official ball and a cheap Walmart ball and the cheap ball looks remarkably like your poop ball. Start at 5:45: https://youtu.be/e6ndb5Cs4Jg?si=fWE7KGQe80ZX6_j1&t=345
(That looks a lot like it. But they never explicitly rule out the fact that maybe fairies are making the cheap Walmart balls, so? ~ Jenny)
“The Bloggess: Doing it wrong and not making sense since 2006.”
New life goal – mystery poop influencer.
I agree you brand is doing it wrong (as far as “normal” people might think) And not making sense (to “normals”) To me you are doing right and never conforming. Keep up the weird works.
Piffle. I think you are wonderful, and I am old.
Trolls. It was obviously left by trolls. Too smelly for fairies.
Your books and blogs and posts continually make me laugh in dark times. Keep doing what you’re doing we LOVE you and the rest of them can go fart in a phone booth!
Is it gutta-percha rubber ?
Imagine how much you could accomplish if you ran for President…I know you’d get votes from all of the Bloggessarians. Keep u-no-who from winning again. Maybe T. Swift as your running mate?
“bizarre oversized poop dissection” is not my normal content …….. and yet: it’s SOO on brand for you 😂😂😂
“if I even have a brand I’m pretty sure that ‘doing it wrong’ and ‘not making sense’ is it.”
this made me smile. we love you BECAUSE you are strange and unpredictable. and we find joy and entertainment in the very things that YOU find interesting. we can relate to you. i’m not interested in well-managed content. i like YOUR content. just because you’re not doing it their way doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. i think your blog is wonderfully perfectly just right exactly the way it is.
Thank you! I’ve been on pins and needles all weekend. Seriously, I love your adventures. This one gave me flash backs to your Beyonce story…..which I still pull up and share whenever I meet anyone who actually has not ever heard it.
Only one question (and test remains) did you let Dorothy Barker sniff it? I’d be interested in her and the cats’ reactions.
(Dorothy Barker sniffed it and backed away, suspiciously. The cats couldn’t be bothered. ~ Jenny)
I came for the giant rooster Beyoncé, and stayed for the giant mystery poop! I obviously have a type.
Yeah, if they don’t think this content ‘makes sense for your brand’, they just don’t know shit about your brand. Any way you want to take that. 🤣
Chaotic and nonsensical is why I am here. To heck with those consultants. It’s clear they don’t understand you, or your basically bonkers base.
Whatever your brand is I think it might be mine too. Which is why I look forward to hearing/seeing whatever you’re doing whenever you post. And it’s just about the right amount of stuff because I have a really short attention span. And I don’t post anything so I’m glad you do. For both of us.
Just my opinion, but if you post a question to social media saying “What is this thing I found?” and a bunch of people respond with “You are doing social media wrong but I can help you do it better,” I think THEY are not only the problem with social media, THEY are also the ones doing social media wrong. (And I think you could offer to teach them how to do it right but only if they agree to pay for your services and take turns collating to give poor Will a break.)
Oooh a fairy ball! Who knew they’d be so big?
And BTW, you’re doing things exactly right. And in exactly the way that makes me and others love and identify with you. So FUCK those social media imbeciles!
I hereby propose that henceforth, the collective noun for a group of social media consultants be “a discord.”
There so called social media consultants must be Muggles and cannot see the magic of The Bloggess World. They probably vote for Trump too.
WOW. Just WOW.
At least you. smelled it for me, so thanks for that. I was hoping it was more like dog feet – which smell like corn chips. (Lest I drop a brand name and get sued or blocked or both.)
is there a video of you chopping all of THOSE balls in half? Or of Victor doing it for you more afely than with the balls IN HIS HAND? I’d watch that video for sure.
Ignore the sales pitches, you’re being you perfectly and this is why we love you and keep coming BACK. xoxoxoxoxox
I found this video about the inside of a softball, it looks exactly like your fairy poop ball!
https://racketrampage.com/what-are-softballs-made-of/
Since it floated, I guessing it was cork, which indeed makes it seem like the #3 baseball. Whew!!! Next case …
I finally realized that SMC means “social media consultant” because I’m tragically un-cool with today’s lingo. My first thought was that it meant “Smack My…..” you know what, but that would be improper, wouldn’t it? I think you should put it next to the giant metal rooster with a sign that says, “Bounce, bounce, muthafucka.” Have a beautiful day! XOXOXOXOX
A fairy dog yes they do excite they are bigger than a wolf And eat nasty 🤢 trolls and other nasty creatures
I came for the six foot rooster and stayed for the cats and wine slishies. Mystery poop is a bonus.
“I’m a big-deal mystery poop influencer”
I’m giggling hysterical. Let me tell you about this poop!
I don’t think you have tricked anyone. Mystery poop ball is 100% on brand and everything I love about you.
I think you should put “big-deal mystery poop influencer” on your resume, regardless.
Mystery poop filed under Random Crap! So appropriate!
I am now obsessed with working “ambulance chasing poop posters” into my next literary classic. You do you, Jenny. We’re all wondering what kind of shit we’re gonna find in the garden when we do our morning coffee strolls.
Re-post the hilarious big metal chicken purchase for the new members
Bloggessarians…my new favorite group. Let’s make this a thing people! We love Jenny and are all Bloggessarians! Jenny…we want T-shirts, and tote bags, and book marks, and stickers, and and and………..
Then… there’s fungus among us.
Have you ruled out that it could be poop from an extra terrestrial? Did you check it for radiation?
I’m a social media consultant for the next 3 minutes (or however long it takes to write this) and I’m giving you this advice for free, because sometimes there is such a thing as a free lunch: You’re doing great on your own. You don’t need another person breathing down your neck telling you you’re getting it wrong, when it’s obvious they haven’t read your backstory on here, or your books because if they had, they’d know they aren’t what you need. Ignore them, they’ll get bored. This site is perfect. What you’re doing is perfect. Thank you. I quit.
Ummmm. Haven’t you just uncovered another mystery?
What happened to the OUTSIDE of the baseball?
Dum dum duuuuuuum.
Yesterday I was sitting at my desk and stressing about not doing what I’m supposed to be doing re: writing, blogging, life, etc. Then I opened my email and saw “POOP MYSTERY SOLVED” staring back at me and was once again reminded that I’m allowed to do whatever I want. Thanks for the never-ending inspiration.
I certainly feel enlightened and uplifted!
I am so relieved!!!
Is it OWL poo???
https://www.chriswatson.com.au/blog/owl-pellets-what-are-they-and-what-can-they-teach-us
Ok, that hear me out… Did you TASTE it, or attempt to see if it would burn? The edge in the picture looks a little lumpy and makes me think of a weird pinecone.
Also, I have read all your books, and I think mystery poop is on brand for you. Lol
AI…Social media consultants… I blame AI for this whole thing…. I don’t know how AI managed getting giant poop to you but hey, could be it using a drone? Just sayin’.
This is 100% on brand for you. Ignore those so-called social media experts.
Jenny, you made the term “on brand” cool..Until now, I hated it. Please keep up the Nancy Drewing . Everyone loves a good mystery featuring poopcork.
I think it’s some kind of fungus. Whatever you do, don’t touch it!!! Or put it in water.