Two things…
- Everything in my yard is dead except for this one weed in my backyard that is FLOURISHING. This fucker is taller than me and probably much 100% healthier. At this point I can’t cut it down because you kinda have respect that level of growth and also, it might be sentient. For real, what is this?
2. Tomorrow we’re taking Hailey and their sweetheart, Laurel, to Japan for a few days. I’m a wreck because I have no energy at all and I worry that I’ll slow everyone down. I assumed it was just another depressive episode but then I started getting dizzy and nauseous and turns out I have a terrible ear infection (from allergies – not anything contagious) and so now I’m less worried about the energy and more worried that my head will literally explode from the ear pressure of the plane. If that happens, please make my tombstone into a bench that is engraved in such a way that it leaves an imprint reading “NICE ASS” on the rear end of everyone who stops to visit. Fingers crossed the antibiotics get to me first.
PS. My mom will be here taking care of the cats and dog, so please don’t burgle my home. She is also an infamous weed-puller so it’ll be interesting to see how she and Ally Weedy fare. (Does Ally Weedy work? Ron Weedley? Weedy Harrelson? Sorry. I am clearly not at my best.)
Ally Weedy absolutely works.
Good luck on the plane! I hope the pressure isn’t too much. The air pressure and the self pressure you are putting on yourself to not be a drag on everyone else, even though they love you and are going to be fine in Japan no matter the speed you’re moving.
Have you tried using the Seek app? We use it to identify unknown plants and animals.
Get thee a PlantNet app (or other plant finder) on your phone. Seriously, I walk around all the time taking pictures and just figuring out what stuff is.
Drink more water
If the plant is indeed sentient, I would hope it’s Lou Weed — will be a much better conversationalist than Ally Weedy.
1. Those are all excellent weed names, I think you should grow more so you can use them all.
2. Why wait until death? Get that bench made ASAP.
3. Have fun on your trip!!!! <3
Ally Weedy works!!!!
I’m offended that my browser signed me out and my comments are no “anonymous” siiiiiiiiiigh
xoxo, kelly
Horseweed. It gets ridiculously tall and then gets lots of fuzzy seeds and will take over.
Ally Weedy – very cute and perfect name. Hoping your mom leaves it to bloom! Also – get the patches that go behind your ear (Scopolamine – Rx from your doctor) to prevent feeling ill on the trip. They will be a lifesaver! You are going to have a good trip. You will not drag anyone down, because #1 it’s a vacation, and you don’t have to speed through everything, and #2 your family loves you and knows you. You will be great. Safe travels and feel better!
Wanted to jump here real quick as this happened to me a few weeks ago. Suffered with an ear infection so bad I had hearing loss. Infection laughed at the THREE different antibiotics and had my head spinning knowing I was headed for Orlando via plane in a few days. ENT told me to take Afrin (3 squirts in each nostril right at take off waiting 5 minutes to redo it again and a third time after another 5 minute wait). That shit helped BIG TIME! Also, when they announce they are going to start descending, do it all over again! THIS is the doctor that told me Afrin is the Devil’s urine and I should never use it (I was addicted in high school and until I got pregnant with my first 30 plus years ago). I said WAIT, you’re telling me it’s OK to use Afrin???? YEP, JUST FOR THIS! Moral of the story, it worked. My head did not explode (until I got in line for It’s A Small World)!! Good luck!
I ran your photo through my plant ID app, it’s horseweed. It’s a weed, but I had a teacher with an Ag background who was fond of saying that a weed was a plant growing where you don’t want it. If you want it there, it’s not a weed!
We had something like that once, we stood back and let it go, and it wound up being about 7 feet tall… We called it Space Dick. I think it turned out to be some kind of plantain?
P.s. I’m a flight attendant, and finally got the chance to visit Nowhere in person last week. It’s delightful!
FWIW…when my daughter was having ear issues that led to in-flight/post-landing pain, the doc had us use decongestant nose drops. He said they would pass over ge opening of the Eustachian tube and reduce the swelling, so the tube could open up. Just a though to ask your own doc about. Good luck and wishing you enjoyable travels!
Allergies are the worst. It’s like the Earth doesn’t want us here.
Weeds are nature too, so also trying to kill us.
Ally Weedy, Yes!
Safe travels and enjoy Japan.
Sorry if this is duplicate – it says it didn’t post before.
I have crap ears. My routine is this: an hour before, I take mucinex, decongestant, and anti inflammatories (or a multi cold/flu dose that has all of it). Also turmeric if you have it. Then a half hour before takeoff, I use a nosespray like Afrin, All of this helps open everything up and thins things out so they can drain. It’s honestly pretty close to what I do when I’m sick. I’ve had some luck with adding those ear planes things, but that might be a placebo effect.
Oooh, good names!
I like Ally Weedy.
Sinus and ear infections from allergies means I no longer fly. My brother had an ear infection and passed out on a plane from the pain from the pressure change. I suggest antibiotics, lots of fluids like water, eating spicy foods with lots of anti inflammatory ingredients and spices like Indian, Thai, Japanese, Chinese with similar spicy and anti inflammatory ingredients dishes, chewing gum for the plane. It wouldn’t hurt to find a good acupuncturist while you’re at it. It’s surprising how much Far Eastern medicine helps so many things that Western Medicine is just starting to understand.
Usually the antibiotics help after a couple of days if you stay hydrated and eat healthy.
I hope you have a great time!
Lou Weed
If it is horseweed, DON’T let it go to seed. You will regret it for the rest of your hopefully very long life. (That doesn’t sound right, but you get the idea — it will take over and your neighbors will hate you)
That “weed” is a little sketchy looking. I think Weedy Harrelson would have great interest in it just sayin.
Have a wonderful trip
My brother had an ear infection …got on a plane …eardrums exploded.
At least give your Dr a call before going.
Please.
Boss Weedy
um, suck on something to make sure your ears pop while taking off.
Don Weedle?
I wish you so many spoons for your trip, and a fascinating weed story once your mom takes a wack at Ally!
Lucky! But also scary! I say that because I wouldn’t have anyone to go with.
Anyway, I saw this list of cool places on Atlas Obscura. I don’t know where in Japan you’ll be, but maybe you’ll be close to see one of these?!
Lisa
https://www.atlasobscura.com/things-to-do/japan
Hope you feel better pronto and have safe/fun travels.
Jenny! There is a product you can find in most pharmacies called Ear Planes. They are ear plugs, so you can’t hear anything, but they will allow your ears to pressurize on takeoff and landing.
That looks like horseweed. It’s pretty tough stuff and does get really tall. I will probably flower at some point
Have a lovely trip! I second the recommendation for scopolamine patches if you have time. They are the only thing that makes traveling worthwhile for me.
Hailey and Laurel will have a wonderful time no matter what. They’re college kids getting to explore Japan together! Don’t let Mom-guilt tell you that you are anything less than your amazing self, energy levels exactly as they are. It’s a part of you, and nothing about you is wrong or broken, even though if often feels that way.
Also, while we’re on the topic of weed(s), you might enjoy this:
https://youtube.com/shorts/QUe8GB-wZvE?si=qGTMg4dddlnVHZ25
I had an ear infection on a plane on once and passed out (known fainter, no harm) woke up to gorgeous doctor patting my hand, and I was the first one off the plane. Win win all around. Safe travels and if you must faint try to get a cute doctor to pat your hand to wake you up.
I know you didn’t ask for ears on a plane advice, but I have undersized eustachian tubes and deal with this every time I fly, which isn’t often anymore. I take a Sudafed (the real behind the counter stuff, not the fake stuff you don’t need to show ID to get) 20 mins before they start boarding. I also have water with me and take little sips as soon as the door closes and until we reach cruising altitude. I repeat this when they announce that we’re on approach to land.
Hard candies or cough drops will also help. Sniffing Vicks Vaporub will also do the trick. I learned that from a lovely flight attendant when flying into Paris after too many back to back flights and my ears had given up. It felt like I was being stabbed with knitting needles and I was sobbing.
Good luck with your ears and your fam will love whatever energy level you have. Travel safely, Jenny.
Horseweed… but wait, lots of issues. Spicy and Dr. Pepper. Alexis Nicole (Blackforager) did a great video on its uses. https://www.instagram.com/reel/CvJDAQeLdEb/?igsh=c3dwbnRkcHJiY3Bp
Google lens will identify it for you.
Marestail or Horse weed, Erigeron canadensis. It’s fun to pull if you don’t have clay-ey soil.
It is definitely Giant Ragweed (another name for horse weed) and I am very very allergic. It takes me out when it blooms every spring. Kill it with fire.
There’s a patch of grass growing in the cracks in the main thoroughfare in my town. THAT is the kind of grass I want in my yard, the kind that cannot be killed by a million cars rolling over it on the daily. Not the withering stuff that retracts into the ground if I look at it sideways.
Ally Weedy may just be the cause of your allergy-induced ear infection. I hope you get some relief BEFORE the plane takes off!
If it’s any consolation, a friend of mine wound up with a burst eardrum in Japan last year, and the Japanese medical system was super accessible, even for foreigners, so even if the worst happens, I’m sure you’ll be okay. Hope you all have a great time!
Go with the ear plugs they work and are much safer than using Afrin (which is the Devil’s urine.) I bought these for a friend of mine that has ear trouble when flying and they worked wonderfully. When you reach cruising altitude you can take them out. Or not if you don’t want to be disturbed by a Devil Spawn Hell Child.
Go directly to a drugstore and get thyself a packet of EARPLANES. I used to suffer horribly on flights and these little guys saved my life!
Are you possibly allergic to Alley Weedy? Rooting for your mom on her mission to remove excess pollen.
What about Lou Weed? (Lou Reed – too obscure?)
I agree with three previous posters. Lou Weed for the win.
This weed is “Horseweed” which is indeed sentient. It’s going to miss you while you are away so perhaps you could get your mother to speak to it when she is caring for your pets. It is not an invasive species, and it is HEALTHY my app happily noted! 🥳
Only interested in the removal of the weed. No guilt.
Here to give more advice you didn’t ask for. The first time I flew, I had congestion and – as someone else posted – it felt like knitting needles being shoved into my ears for the entire descent. Then my ears plugged up and only popped once I got back home.
Do the decongestant thing AND tell the flight staff what’s going on. (I was stupid and didn’t ask for help. Don’t be like me.) They probably know some tricks to help with an issue like that.
Gotta say, I’m partial to Ron Weedley. I saw the Afrin suggestion and I am not a medical expert but I’d do it. Be safe. My ears are already damaged.
My tips for flying with ear/sinus issues:
Use a saline nasal spray or a neti pot with a salt solution and distilled water to irrigate your nose twice/day. I suggest doing this every day.
45-60 minutes before your flight – Use Afrin*.
45 minutes before you land – Blow your nose and then put in Ear Planes (https://www.earplanes.com/).
As the plane is descending – Suck on a lozenge and yawn.
Wait until the plane’s doors are open before you remove the Ear Planes.
*Do not use Afrin on an ongoing basis because it is addictive and will make congestion worse. It’s great for flights though.
I hope your travels go well and that you enjoy your time in Japan!
I forgot to mention that you can get Ear Planes from Amazon and they’re usually for sale in airport shops too
The difference between a weed and a flower is a judgement.
Xo have a great trip! Kel
This is not spam! I love flying and credit my Grandpa, who was a Commercial Pilot.
My ears loathe flying. I have inner ear blockage problems that cause ruptures nearly 100% of the time. I use Earplanes and they have been transformative. They expand my ear canal and hold it open so my traitorous inner ear can adapt to the stronger cabin pressure, instead of popping and shooting blood onto the stranger sitting next to me. We are both much happier.
I was sitting on a plane once crying from the pain, and a flight attendant gave me ice in a napkin to put in my ear. Saved my life! Also chew gum or sip water and yawn a lot. Good luck!
My husband gets ear infections a lot and swears by Earplanes earplugs for flying. He says he can barely feel the pressure changes even when he has an infection. Good luck!
Re Weedy Harrelson: Have someone who is not you put on a super N95 Covid mask, then tag and bag Woods before he goes to seed. Not kidding.
I had what I thought was an innocent, bird-pooped-seed, wild-plant sprout in my planter. When it flowered it made it hard for me to breathe.
Bonus, tell your HOA that it possibly sprouted from a plant your neighbors (the ones who’d beefed about your Halloween decor) left uncut in their yard.
But seriously, they will probably want to know as it’s a health risk.
I’ve had issues with my ears not clearing after flying my whole life (in my 50s). Taking Sudafed about 30 minutes prior to landing has saved me from having plugged ears for days. This should also help prior to take off. Have a great trip!
Ugh. Wishing you a beautiful and head-explosion-free trip. Don’t forget how amazing you are, Jenny, and how many lives you have saved and enriched with your weird, wonderful, bare-truth, loving writing. You mean so much to us. Come home safe. ❤️
I think you could make that bench and then make more for those of us who would gladly buy one!
Have a safe and fun trip to Japan. I’m jealous. But happy for you .
I’m a little surprised you don’t recognize marijuana. Just kidding.
I like Ally McWeedly
I can’t comment on the weeds but I saw this on Etsy and immediately thought of you. https://pin.it/5hFMtuqso
XO,
Jess
Jenny,
I understand your worries. My family has to cope with my issues, too, and I hate it. But your family adores you and your presence will make the trip all the more meaningful for them. Do what you can and enjoy it. If you need to rage at what you can’t do, I’ll (and everyone else, I imagine) will “listen.” Take pictures and find blog-fodder. Japan — wow.
>>> You need “ear planes” ear plugs to relieve ear pressure on the airplane. My dr recommend them to me and they work. You seriously don’t want to even try to be on a plane without them. And speaking as someone who had an unexpected snot explosion upon decent in a plane. It ain’t no joke. Hurts like a mofo. Plus, what a time to be without Kleenex. Also, you should confirm w you dr you can fly.
And what’s up with the ear infections? I have one too!
A weed is just a plant growing where you don’t want it to, so when you want it, it becomes landscaping.
Now Jenny, that’s clearly Christopher Weed.
I’m also firmly in the Lou Weed camp!
Definitely Horseweed, it’s part of the Sunflower family. Safe travels 💜
Ally Weedy FTW!!!
Hope you feel better! ear stuff sucks. even when I get water in my ear I worry mold will grow into my brain
I’m just here with Japan tips – they have these awesome self heating eye masks (like hand warmers for your eyes) in the drug stores that smell like lavender or yuzu (or unscented). I got some for when I’m having headaches and they are amazing. Family Mart has the best egg salad sandwiches. Loft or Hands for souvenir shopping. So fun!
I hope you are feeling better and you didn’t explode in the cabin. 🙂 I hope you have fun in Japan with Haliey and their sweetheart. I’m sorry if I spelled their name wrong. I hope you figure out the name for your weed unless your mom chops it down. Sending hugs.
With love,
Liana
I have just listened to your book, “Furiously Happy.” I’m still gobsmacked that other people have the same dialogue going on in their heads. It’s a huge relief. I feel like I have found my tribe. I’d say more, but I’m out of spoons.
Happy trip! And I personally love all the weed names! Hope you feel better 🙂
Good luck! Hope you do ok on the trip. The weed is impressive.
I think your weed may be golden rod. It will get pretty yellow flowers. I let them grow a some areas of my yard. 😃
Kinda looks like False Aralia?
Another vote for Earplanes! My son used to get horrible ear infections and issues flying. He found these and have been using them for years. They work so well! He used to have terrible pain while flying and hasn’t had an issue since.
Get well soon. It took me nearly two weeks to get my normal energy back but I’d been fighting an infection for several months before getting some antibiotics. So, hopefully you are well on your way to healing. It’s been a record allergy year for everyone (I’m in SC).
I also recommend Earplanes. I use the kid size since I have tiny ears. They work great and can be used longer than the label says (like most things).
@Ashley L …. Thank you for your mentioning the seek app…. I needed something like this for some of my houseplants and for when I go for walks and see something beautiful I will know what to ask for…. I owe you the debt of gratitude. XO. Thanks to you Jenny as well ….