This is the post I’m writing on my substack today, just in case you don’t subscribe to it yet because “substack seems confusing and I’ll totally do it later when I have time to figure out what the fuck it is.” (Relatable.)
In case you are this person, my art substack is a thing where you can sign up to get an email from me every week where I share a drawing I did and whatever is going on in my mind. If you want full access to everything it’s $6 a month (or $60 a year) for an email every week but I know that’s not always easy, so you can totally be an unpaid subscriber and you’ll get full emails about twice a month for absolutely free. The cash just helps keep me in pens and paper and art supplies and motivation.
I’m just finishing up my first year of weekly art emails and I’ve loved it so much I’ve decided to re-up for another year, so if you waited you can sign up now to start a new year and also you can have access to all of the archives. If you want to just lurk and not get emails (or just check it out) you can just go straight to my page and just pick “Let me see it first” under where it asks you to subscribe and it’ll let you right in.
Please join us.
Here is today’s post:
I feel like so much of my life is spent waiting for my mind to stop its paralyzing death-spiral of why-can’t-I-work-like-other-people. And then the fog clears and I can work again and write again and it all seems so easy. Until it doesn’t. And then I panic again that I’ll be stuck in the nothingness forever while everyone rushes past me.
I’ve gathered and treasured so many amazing tools and tricks and life-rafts that have helped me navigate and keep going, but sometimes…
Sometimes I just wish there was a cure. A way to trade the unpredictable “IT’S-ALL-OR-NOTHING-AND-NEVER-ANYTHING-IN-BETWEEN” workings of my brain to something that I could depend on every single day.
Sometimes my mind is a sharp knife. Sometimes it’s an empty amusement park. Sometimes it’s a compost heap of garbage where unexpected things grow…things that may be magical. Things that may be poisonous.
(As I was writing this, substack gave me an error message with a broken icon saying “YOU’VE GONE OFFLINE” which seems almost a little too on-the-nose.)
But what I do know is that the things that make me broken make me who I am, and it gives me a perspective like no one else in the world. And the same thing applies to you, my friend.
I started this substack to see if I could actually finish a year-long project without giving up. I can see the one year anniversary right around the corner and I’m so happy that we did this. It made me create. It made me explore. It made me feel so much less alone sending these letters out to you and knowing that you’d listen even if it was something serious or ridiculous.
And I don’t want to stop.
August and September are hard months for me. I don’t know why – maybe the seasonal change – but I know I’m not alone. And saying goodbye here would be like ending the weirdest pen-pal relationship ever and so I’m going to re-up for one more year. I hope you will too.
PS. One thing I want to do this time around is an art exchange…but I’m not sure if people would do it so I’m asking here. One time we did a card exchange on my blog where we left our address in the comments (often with fake names or funny nicknames so that if I got something addressed to “Executive Princess” I know where it was coming from) and then people sent cards to each other. Like, thousands of cards were sent out – sometimes anonymously and sometimes not. I got and gave so many myself. And I was thinking how great it would be to do that here…but in the cards or on the postcards we maybe doodled or created a small painting or collage or poem…and then sent tiny original art surprises out into the world. But I don’t know how to do it safely? Suggestions? If nothing else I could just randomly mail out my own small doodles each month and if people want to share their own little art pieces they could mail them to me and I can share snapshots, and at the end of the year I can take them to Nowhere Bookshop for a tiny free gallery opening where anyone can come in and pick up a piece of art from a stranger that speaks to them.
Hmm..I kind of like that.
Thoughts?
Your friend forever,
Jenny
Yes! Love this idea….
I love this drawing. It’s wonderful. I think the art is a good idea. I like the idea of sending to you and you putting it on Nowhere’s tree and people take it if it speaks to them. I hope Aug has been kind to you and I hope your Sept is better. It has to be, right? Much love to you.
Love the share art idea. I’m game. My name is Erin (or you can call me The Librarian) and I will share my address: Erin Sterling 3326 harbrook dr Pearland TX 77584 so if anyone wants to send me anything it’d be awesome! Love, Erin
The card exchange saved me during a most difficult time. Things are laughably worse now. Your idea is brilliant. Can’t afford to subscribe. Can’t afford postage. However, this is a perfect fit considering your LP art research, art as therapy, and the crazy ass things you do to help us crazies. ~Louann Cole, Crazy Texan
I’m in. I sent out about 20 cards last time, and received just as many. I kept them, and I look at them sometimes when sad.
I LOVE this idea! BUT I also cannot and will not subscribe to Substack (I am a free reader currently) because of how they use their funds and who else they platform.
So if it requires an active subscription, you’ll be out at least one reader over there, if not more.
(90% of my subscribers are free subscribers and everyone is welcome. 🙂 Paid subscribers keep me in art supplies and get a few more emails but generally about half of the emails are free to everyone and I always send previews to everyone so you can still see what’s going on even if you’re a free subscriber. ~ Jenny)
I love this idea – said so on your substack too. Maybe we use this forum for the addresses? As I’m sure almost all of the substack folks read this blog post too. I’m game!
My drawing skills are limited to askew stick figures and for some weird reason, pilings in water, but I’d totally send postcards with really unfortunate artwork on them!
I’m in. Erin and Jenny, I’m sending you something as soon as I get home from getting my tire fixed… which turned into two new tires… might as well make it four new tires… and an alignment… and oil change… hmm. Hopefully I can afford to send you something by the time I’m done… if I ever get home… three hours and counting…
My art is more 3D, but I’d love to send something to you, Jenny, and have it go in the little free art show. I love this idea and this community.
I could do a drawing of my igloo
I’m hardly an artist but will try. I think I may subscribe for the coming year. Currently free.
I have no idea what Saraphina is on about but maybe don’t want to know.
I’m in. Love it.
I wasn’t a part of this past art sharing, but it sounds like great fun!!! We all need more fun in our lives. That and a peaceful existence.
I love this! Last time I did receive lots of postcards (which I still have). They were warm. funny, strange and beautiful and such fun to receive. Hope mine were the same to those I sent to. I want to gift random strangers with weirdness. Please, let’s do it!
I like this idea too. I’m afraid not not very talented but I’m up to try.
Does the things I color in my adult coloring book count? I would totally send those in as art, although I definitely do not think they are. But they are my salvation a lot of times when I’m feeling sad, anxious and overwhelmed and I’m attempting to regulate and soothe myself-a thing I’m not always successful at. But sitting down and choosing colors and how they work in a pattern does help. But now I think this whole comment but just be weird. I see more coloring in my future……….
(It absolutely counts. ~ Jenny)
Not fully related to your whole post but I just had a conversation last night with my 19 year old about how hard they find August and September. (Also, love your substack!)
My mind is so similar. It’s frustrating and terrifying and lonely. And when it’s working it’s exciting and magical.
The art idea is wonderful.
I love the card exchange idea. And thank you for everything you do. We all love you so much.
I loved the card exchange, and still have all of mine. I’m not an artist but am good at art appreciation, so I would love to see what you post from others.
Louann Cole, if you post your address, we can send things to you even though you’re not able to send things out right now. I’d love to do that!
I totally understand what it feels like to feel like your brain is not normal. I had an almost existential meltdown on Saturday because I couldn’t remember how to do something physically with my phone. It devolved into me dying any second because I feared that I’d lost a basic autonomic function.
While I don’t do art and I would love the addition of people’s artwork on your substack. I’d personally be afraid that picking just 4 or 5 submissions every week would alienate some of the people who submitted work that I didn’t pick. While I would encourage this path just try to use your best judgment. I know people won’t judge you either way.
I love the exchange idea, but I have no skill for drawing. Even my doodles suck.
Maybe if you come and pick out a piece of artwork the persons name and address or even an email could be attached if they’re comfortable with that and whoever picks it could send you something telling you what they love about your art and why they picked it. Just a thought? I know we all need more positive things in our life! I live the ideal of a pen pal. I’m by no means an artist but I’d love to send something in. What address would we send it to?
Jenny, I love how you’re always trying to really care for and grow this community. Thank you for sharing your truth and for your generosity in allowing us to be a part of it all.
I am glad you are continuing. Also the art idea sounds like fun.
Your drawing show a real talent. I don’t think your mind is any more unique than anyone else was mine. I think we all have days and shakes and passes.
I love the art exchange idea! I received a couple of cards during the previous exchange and they have been on my board of motivational quotes ever since. I’d love to exchange art with the rest of the tribe!
For those saying you do not draw or are not artistic, I say creativity comes in many forms. I would be filled with absolute joy to receive a coloring book page, a photo taken, a collage of this cut out from magazines and stuck together with a glue stick, a stick figure comic, a poem, a funny joke or anecdote, something written in beautiful penmanship, a pressed flower, etc. I believe in you, hope you participate, and think whatever form your imagination takes is beautiful.
Today, your mind is brilliant. Hold on to that on a shitty day. Like bookmark it by putting a postit on your bathroom mirror, maybe a string tied to the gear shift in your car, or that awesome drawing smack in the middle of your fridge magnets. That way, the next time it’s all ghosts-on-a-rollercoaster you’ll have something to jolt you back to brilliance.
Art exchanges are so fun! I can’t draw worth a shit since a cute picture of The Wizard of Oz characters that I did in 1985, but I would totally send you something pretty made out of yarn for the book shop🖤 Also, it me…no clue about substack, but I’m willing to go down that rabbit hole.
I would love to send art out into the world. I used to only draw leafless (ie dead) trees, but I’ve been making little art cards for kids at school, and they will request whatever they want, and I do my best. Getting a big thank you hug from one of “my” kiddos always kindles a little ember of happiness inside.
Love this idea 💕
I love this idea! I’ve been wanting to put a “Little Free Art Gallery” in my front yard and since I’ve already paved the road to hell with many a good intention and idea, seeing all of this tiny art could give me the kick to dust off my hammer…
I can’t draw, but I’m a quilter. I’d be glad to send a few fabric postcards to Nowhere!
I remember talking with a friend a few years back about why Hephaestus makes presents for everyone, to win their friendship. “Hephaestus does this, because he sees himself as a broken Apollo. He isn’t, though. He’s the perfect Hephaestus, and doesn’t know it.”
You are the perfect you.
love that idea – I can’t draw but love to make little collage cards, using all kinds of cut out words and images.
For those who don’t know why some object to Substack, check out this article by Phil Plait.
https://badastronomy.substack.com/p/substackers-against-nazis
He moved his Substack to Beehiiv to get away from the Nazi problem. They even moved all of his subscribers smoothly.
Love it! I’d participate in a card/art exchange for sure.
Your words about your brain really resonated with me today. Today I was in the nothingness. I too want a goddamn cure.
I keep thinking that if it all became normal tomorrow, you might not have the inspiration to keep doing what you do. I would miss that. Not that I wish you depression…I don’t.
I loved when we did the penpals a few years ago! I actually still receive holiday cards from two of my “pals”! Would love to do it again to “meet” new friends 🙂
I want in on the exchange! This would be so helpful to me about now. I too struggle with August and September. I’m a teacher, but I work summers, and I always contributed it to the back to work thing. But that’s not applicable in my year-round job. Maybe it’s something like the change of weather and light? Idk. 🤷🏻♀️
Would postcard-sized quilts be accepted?
(Totally. ~ Jenny)
My mother is a very talented artist. I do stick-figures. But a friend gifted me a book about zentangle. Cool and easy way to doodle. Check out Zentangle.com. For the quilters, try Tanglepatterns.com. if I can do it- anyone can
I enjoy this community because I know (maybe hope) I’m not the only one who had extreme panic at the thought of having to accomplish a task! Think it’s a great idea, but also sharing the love for my fellow ADD/anxiety riddled people that it’s OK to just observe ❤️
I participated in the postcard thing and I got several cards and even small stickers and gifts. I sent a load myself but the horrible voice in my head was telling me I’d never get any back and that you all already hated me even though we’d never met. To receive these items made me cry with relief. I was so overwhelmed with people’s kindness. I would love to do that again. Claire.
I have a similar brain, and love that I’m not alone.
The cards/art idea is a good one and I did the last one and got into several long exchanges with people from elsewhere — it was lovely. And prompted me to get cute cards (and pens and stickers and and and… sometimes it’s hard to stop with stationery).
But I can’t and won’t subscribe to Substack given what they’ve done to their subscription prices to some users. And who they allow to use their platform.
My heart is telling me this is something I should do, so count me in.
Yes, let me know how.
Thanks.
Been spiraling downward for two weeks as fall approaches. I understand and wish you well.
Wow. Jenny you are so talented with words and art! Wow. I am so proud of you to keep going. You give me inspiration and hope for my lesser swings of depression and fatigue… To keep moving as we can and give ourselves and others grace. Hugs.
Trading art is a great idea! I’m already a part of some Facebook ATC groups (artist trading cards). But I have a feeling this would be much more fun ☺️
Loved doing the cards and still corresponding with a couple. Anything that helps us I say do it. Count me in.
Love the card idea – count me in!
I am fairly new to this special perspective we get with our minds. I am scared, disappointed and wish so much that there was a cue. Thank you for your post..it helps to hear how you manage.
Substack makes me feel like you’ve left the blog to join the world of the monotized subscription service. We are so overburdened with subscriptions these days that now I feel like I’m being excluded from my favorite community for 6 bucks. I dont see the difference between this and substack. Why recreate the blog and charge people for it?
(Substack is just about my art so people who don’t want to see it can avoid it. The vast majority of my subscribers are free subscribers and I make sure that they feel part of everything. Generally about half of my emails are available to everyone and even the ones that aren’t I still share enough of them in the preview that people can get the main idea. Probably only 10% of my subscribers pay the $5-6 a month and that money goes to art supplies. 🙂 ~ Jenny)
So weird… earlier today, I realized that August was almost over and let out this deep sigh of relief that kinda surprised me. I hate August for some reason that I can’t figure out; it used to be that it’s so hot (I’m in San Diego), but I’ve lived in a house with AC for over 10 years and I never really have to go out in it, so what the hell? Once again, I am relieved to come here and find that you and/or others feel like this, too.
Your Pal,
Storm the Klingon
Love this idea so much. I wasn’t apart of the first round of art exchange but would enjoy being apart of it this time. I love you and this tribe you have brought together. My brilliant adult daughter suffers from bipolar and is on regular ketamine treatment. What you and your tribe share has helped me understand my child more fully.
I want to do this. I draw, make jewelry, and other bits. 1435 Dearing lane, Vinton, VA 24179. The coming months are hard, we lost my dad to cancer…..so anything to brighten the days helps. I’ve an old stack of vintage postcards too, and I’d love to help others.
Love the sharing tree idea. Count me in.
Thanks Jenny, your gift of words mean so much to me. English is my first language, but it is a challenge for me. I shared your words with my husband. You really nailed what it is like to have this type of brain.
I believe it’s a great idea people should share parts of themselves to other understanding people who feel the same that way you are never alone not really but with caring friends even if you don’t see them you are in communication with your soul to their I call it minds reach do you agree? Love you
I seem to always be ALL OR NOTHING. It’s a trap I can’t escape. But when I read your posts, I know I’m not alone.
We did the card thing last time and it was amazing. We sent out several, and got several. Nice little surprises.
I LOVE the idea of sending bits of art to Nowhere. That has a poetic ring, doesn’t it? The thought of someone finding my art and liking it enough to take it home is very cheering. I’m up for exchanging mail art, too, although I’m a terrible procrastinator when the post office is involved. 😬
I loved this when we did it last time. I felt bad that I wasn’t in a place that I could return mail to the ones who sent to me. Although I kept their addresses and now would be the perfect time to send them something. Right?
(Always. ~ Jenny)
I need you to know that I recommended your books and blog to a client today. You are an inspiration.
(Thank you! ~ Jenny)
There is no such thing as bad art.
I’m in! I made several cards last time ❤️
I love the idea of an art exchange! Could you do something similar to what you did with the post cards? I wanted to let you know that my pen pal and I still send each other postcards! In fact, there is one from her right now, sitting next to me as a reminder that I need to write her back!
I love the idea of an art exchange if I could have my daughter participate. She is an excellent artist but lacks confidence in her work. Maybe if she shares with strangers and receives art in return it will help boost her ability to love her talent a little bit. 🙂
My neighborhood has 2 little free art galleries. So instead of books, they have small art pieces. I love the idea of an art exhange!
I was just listening to your book, Broken, and something you said hit me hard in the heart – and mind-fu(k.
“I didn’t fail at this treatment. This treatment failed to work for me.” Also the whole open letter to my insurance company.
Oh my heavens! I have struggled with PTSD, depression, and regular anxiety (also stupid voices in my head that tell me all kinds of shitty lies), and this one – that I have failed again, is one of the most common.
Thank you for saying all the things out loud. I’m usually one who says the things no one else will say but sometimes even my open book mind/heart will keep to itself.
I’m new here but I’m open to sending crappy artwork to encourage strangers / who are probably kindred spirits.
I love this idea! An exchange at Nowhere or postal or virtual would be joy-giving.
Are we doing this art exchange now? Or will you do a call for addresses during the coming month(s)?
Jenny, have you been tested for autism? Honestly much of what you describe are the kind of things neurodivergent/ASD people experience. I was late diagnosed (at 63 yo!) and it’s explained so much of my life and why my brain works the way it does.
For those who struggle with August (at least in the Northern hemisphere) I’m the same way, and then I found out that Seasonal Affective Disorder does not just happen in the winter. Some people are affected by it in the summer, and the common manifestations (anxiety, irritability, loss of appetite) of this flavor of depression describe me to a T. There’s not nearly enough research on it (but some, as awareness grows), but somehow, just knowing that it’s a real thing and that I’m not just some weirdo who hates summer has been a small comfort. So I’m putting it out here in the hope that it will also be a small comfort to some of you too.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/summertime-depression-could-be-a-type-of-seasonal-affective-disorder/
@Jess Rickards: First of all, nice icon. I will always love me some Spike.
Secondly, thank you so SO much. Sweet mother of Bowie, I haven’t felt this seen and vindicated since I figured out that I’m dyscalculic! This means the world to me (and several of my fellow summer-hating friends). You are a ROCK STAR.
Your Pal,
Storm the Klingon
I love this idea!! I participated in the card exchange last time along with my daughter & we had a blast with it.
I love the exchanging tiny art idea!
I really love this idea. I would participate. And the truth is that everyone information is everywhere. You get my address and you wanna come over and clean or something, feel free.
Jenny, this is such a beautiful and honest post. Your vulnerability and self-awareness are inspiring. I love the idea of an art exchange! It’s a wonderful way to connect with others and share creativity. I’m excited to see what you come up with next. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. It means a lot.
khalidelarbi
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خرده
اغانى مهرجانات
This line beautifully captures the complex reality of neurodivergence. There’s incredible creativity, depth, and uniqueness in minds that function differently—but also real challenges and isolation. Recognizing both the wonder and the struggle is key to building a more understanding and inclusive world. https://look.tm/