I have always been lightly obsessed with birds, and it’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older, which I can only assume is another sign of perimenopause that no one warned me about. (Seriously, a friend of mine told me that some women’s labias can just go missing in menopause. What in the actual fuck??) Sorry. This is supposed to be about birds…not labias. I am out of my ADD meds, as you can probably tell.
Anyway, recently Victor bought me one of those bird buddy feeder cameras and I love it so much, but it has a number of problems, including an AI robot identifier that seems to have never seen birds before:
“No, buddy…pretty sure that’s not a pelican perched on the hummingbird feeder.”
More concerning though was when I would see birds at the feeder but the bird buddy wouldn’t turn on to record them. I told Victor that it was faulty because I’d just stuck my whole head in the feeder and it didn’t turn on or give me a notification that anyone was there, but Victor was like, “That’s because it’s smart enough to weed out anything that isn’t birds” and I was like, “WELL, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS THEN?”
And he just sighed deeply, which I took as an acknowledgement that I was doing trouble-shooting much better than he thought I could. But it still wasn’t working properly so I got an old taxidermied bird from my shelf and waved it in front of the cameras to see how long it would take to set the cameras off and after about 20 minutes my arm was falling off but it finally triggered and Victor texted me a picture and was like, “See, it’s totally working. There’s a bird out there now.”
And then I sort of questioned if he was paying attention at all because how often do you see a raggedy-ass bird carrying a branch and a human hand (not often, hopefully?) and so I brought it back inside and sent this picture from the kitchen:
“I CAUGHT HIM AND HE LIVES WITH US NOW. WELCOME HOME, FLAPPY GILMORE!”
Then Victor did another deep sigh and moved the wifi thingie closer to the bird feeders and that seems to have fixed the problem, although Victor pointed out that the new problem was that I’d been maniacally waving a dead bird around in the backyard for 20 minutes and that I’d probably freaked the fuck out of every bird in our neighborhood, and that’s fair but also I’m pretty sure pelicans are unflappable. (No pun intended.)
And then a few minutes later this series regular landed and it gave me almost the exact same wtf look that Victor gives me and that’s probably pretty fair all things considered.
And I did feel a little bad, but then I saw this:
That is a terrible picture of a hawk standing at my curb and staring at me. Then he saw that I was looking and he refused to make eye contact and was like, “I’m just waiting for my uber, lady” and I’d like to think that me swinging a large dead bird around in my yard for 20 minutes convinced him it was not worth the effort to stalk my little finches and Squirrelly Jackson. I mean, it can’t hurt.
Wow. That was a crazy one. Sorry. Someone take me to pick up my ADD meds.
I so needed this today. Lol The thought of you waving a taxidermied bird at the bird cam is hilarious. Although, if I know my mind, and I’m afraid I do, I’ll wake up around 2 am and start wondering about missing labias. Really?!?
I just laughed so hard. Thank you, Jenny.
I have daily visits from about 10 truly viscous doves ( aren’t they suppose to be all loving) who peck like mad at each other no matter how much seed there is all around. I yell out the window “hey you guys, knock it off, somebody’s going to get hurt”, but they always choose violence.
Please don’t wave a taxidermied crow outside. They remember faces 😬, and for a long time. They’ll tell the others about you. Always give them peanuts. I have a murder that visits daily. Build that crow army!
(I want to befriend a crow so bad. The closest I’ve gotten is a nodding relationship with a buzzard. ~ Jenny)
I think the hawks name is Labia. It fits. I wish you had cameras videoing the neighbors watching you. If I was your neighbor I would be laughing. I would also need to be your friend. It sounds like your household is finally getting back to (ab)normal after the moving and health scares!
OMG, Laughing so hard, I am wheezing like an old pipe organ.
Thank you.
Your squirrel clearly loves you, and I’m sure the birds do too.
The hawk probably thought you rang the dinner bell with the taxidermy bird.
Sometime technology isn’t as smart as we think it is.
But disappearing labias???? Shit, that’s another thing I’ll have to worry about now. My menopausal self is not thrilled ….
Glad to see your ADD is keeping you entertained, it’s always fun when it gets loose once in a while.
It’s so nice to see this post because it assures me that you’re doing better after the chaos you’ve been experiencing lately.
That was one of your best. Laugh out loud, tear inducing best. THANK YOU.
I often laugh at the bad AI identification on my Bird Buddies! Half of the time it can’t recognize a hummingbird on the hummingbird feeder (the ONLY birds that EVER use it). But I really love when it tells me a finch or a towhee is something exotic. Yesterday, it claimed to have photographed a “scaly breasted munia.” It was a house finch.
Flappy Gilmore!!! (*whispering but where do the labias go?)
Let’s back up to your first few sentences. Yeah – I did a menopause post. There’s LOTS that can happen and no one talks about it.
http://www.biselblog.com/the-menopause-post/
I’ve truly never had an urge to check if my labias were still there before. I guess there truly is a first time for anything. And now I’m wondering if just a slight size reduction might be a possibility …
Merlin is a great app for bird identification, but I don’t think it works with feeder cameras
It’s been a while since I had a full-on belly laugh! I really needed that.Thank you! ❤️
Now I totally want a feeding camera. Love watching my birds and the odd squirrels 🐿️
I was wondering, did someone put their bra over your birdfeeder/cam? and if so, is it working?
Thanks for the laugh. I needed that today. I’m currently having to get off one of my antidepressants in order to go on a new one and I have 5 more days of reducing until I’m off of it and I already feel like a limp dishrag and was too weak to drive out to see my mini horses. I guess pelicans can come in all sizes……lol. The hawk on the curb is my favorite though. Never seen something like that. Only in your neighborhood Jenny.
You can’t fool me–that pun was TOTALLY intended. And I think your friend was pulling your labia. I mean LEG.
Squirrels are rats with personality.
This story is worth two in the bush. haha
You are so lucky to see all that fauna I mean gorgeous 🐦 birds even a predator looking for Uber and let’s no forget the quirky Squirrel i name him SQUERKY Malcontent that’s is a French and British word he means unhappy i believe it fits him like a tail on a squirrel 😀 😄 😀 I will be in St Antonio for Thanksgiving and I will definitely go to your wonderful Shop 🤠
Well, I just came in from feeding my murder of crows and squirrel babies to this fun post! Yes, that’s a momma squirrel. We have a standing daily appointment and they all wait for me at the appointed time, like Snow White or Cinderella. You can do this too. No kidding. Soon the squirrels will eat from your hand…if you don’t get squirrely about it. ☺️
I have two different bird cameras and the AI on both is often off but calling a squirrel a swallow is pretty funny :). I use an app called Picture Bird for accuracy.
I needed this today! Lol! Thank you! Love the Brown Pelican shot!
As someone who is in menopause, you are in for a wild ride. Just about everything can change with your body-including your “lady garden” parts. Check out Dr. Mary Claire Haver. She is a board-certified OB/GYN who specializes in the treatment of perimenopause and menopausal women.
I am completely dying here reading this because of the familiarity. My perimenopausal, adhd, married to exasperated hubby followed along perfectly. All completely rational and sensible, what is the problem? 😂😂
I have the hummer feeder, mine occasionally can’t identify the hummer, or calls it a Bewicks wren, a house finch, or an unrecognized visitor. All the same Anna’s Hummingbird. Wtg AI
OMG, I love this post! The bird obsession is REAL.
OMG, I love your bird post! The AI misidentifications are hilarious.
To your earlier point, yes labia can COMPLETELY disappear. Don’t ask me how I know. Why didn’t anyone warn us?!
I agree with KCHill. One vanished, now the other is on the way out. Menopause sucks.
This is hilarious! (Not the labia part) I have issues with a trail cam we have set up, more often than not we get pictures of majestic leaves blowing by. Or the shot is just a blob of fur and it’s ‘guess what that is’.
Oh. My. DOG!!!! The dog image had me cackling!!!!!
PS: Labia DO NOT disappear. Someone failed anatomy & physiology or they are totally messing with you.
PPS: My doc has asked me to go down to every second or third day with my Adderall. She even said stop using it if I can. Apparently there are new findings about long-term effects of it and Ritalin on hearts and brains. Ugh. She said I should CHEW GUM at my desk if I find myself getting distracted by looking at instagrams of potentially murderous squirrels. It hasn’t helped. We ADDers have to stick together, am I right?
The pelican part of your story reminded me of something that happened recently. I found a HUGE spider on my screen door and I wanted to know what kind it was – or, more importantly, could it kill us. So I snapped a pic through the screen and used google’s AI image search. It confidently identified the image as … an American black bear. 😲 I was like – I’m no zoologist, but I’m fairly certain I do not have a BEAR clinging to the back screen door. 🤣 Granted the pic was a *little* blurry but seriously? Turned out to be a fishing spider that, while venomous, isn’t likely to kill anyone. 🕷️
Fellow bird nerd here. I got a bird buddy for Mother’s Day a few years ago and it was the champ of bird id’ing UNTIL! It started using AI. Now it is confused and wrong and maybe way less fun. My favorite thing it used to do was ID squirrels and tell me I had “unlocked” a new bird. Now it’s ruined. Like everything else. Except this blog that gives me life.
I’m so glad you found Drennon Davis and his talking cats.
I’m also getting more excited about birds the further into my 40s I get!!! I was camping a couple weeks ago and this awful screeching woke me up and I figured out it was a whip-poor-will and then when I was back home again I excitedly began looking them up and they are seriously the only bird I’ve ever seen and thought, Well that’s ugly and bordering on terrifying! Who knew???
Good luck getting those meds (ALL the meds)!!!
Suzy got one of these feeder/camera setups. It’s her thing now and she shares the best pictures with me.
Love every second spent reading your blogs.
Have you ever tried the Merlin app to ID birds? You can upload a photo, take a photo or use the bird’s chirping/song/noises for the app to ID them. I have found it to be very accurate and fun 😊
Thanks for the laugh today ❤️
great post. fun comes in many odd scenarios
I mean Merlin is a gateway drug!
We have the same kind of bird feeder that we brought to our cottage and set up off our front porch…it worked too well and we kept getting pictures of our neighbour’s cars as the went by on the small dirt road around the lake ..lol
Lichen Sclerosus (a thankfully rare autoimmune disease) will often be triggered by perimenopause, learned about that one first hand after a panicked WHERE DID MY LABIA GO obgyn appointment. Also peri can lead to adhd meds working less well. yaaaaaayyyyyyy getting older…..
I love how it can identify “dog” even said it was a new species
Oh Jenny, I didn’t expect to be confronted by a vacuuming Vajayjay that is going to suck up body parts.
Now I’ll have to deal with pics of Blue Jay’s because everything is borken. Glad you’re doing better.
Previous comment 44 was Alternate Universe.
I think you should be in charge of naming everything from now on.
The last I paid any attention my labia are still there, but I am very much in peri…yikes!
The Pelican got me!!! And now I need a bird camera, brb while I go buy one.
Jenny, you need to get this book, stat!!! A Dumb Birds Field Guide to the WORST BIRDS EVER.
Read all about the Crusty Tit and the Northern Dorkingbird…. Its so much fun to read it out loud to your friends as if you are 100% serious.
And it has serious facts and hysterical narrative.
I’d put in a link, but you own a book store: ISBN-13: 9781797232751
I like the crazy ones best;)
This is not about birds or labias but I know you appreciate a well-named pet. I saw pictures of a black and white dog online today and his name was “Oreo Speedwagon” Now, on with the labias….
Im late to this one but I absolutely LOVE that you stuck your head in the bird feeder!! Me! Totally something I would have done!
And I DO think there is a weird correlation between birding and perimenopause. I too am way into birds. Always loved them, now I think they can be my friends. (Poor birds.) 😃
Hilarious and relatable! Your bird adventures are pure gold—thanks for the laugh!
wow. finally a reason to be ok with my fear that my labia are too big. hoping that means that get smaller but never actually disappear..
You got Allie Brosh to show up as both an orange-beaked bird and a possibly-pregnant squirrel in one blogpost. I think you win the internet.