My brain has stopped working this week so please enjoy this assortment of things that brought me joy and laughter:
- I drove past this and had to stop to take a picture because “GET IN THE BITCH DUMPSTER” is now my new favorite insult.
2. I am a prolific reader and a bookstore owner and I just found out I have been mispronouncing Jodi Picoult’s name my whole life. I texted Vicki from Nowhere and turns out we’re all just learning constantly:
3. I got this cool ring knife because Victor was always yelling at me for using the scissors “wrong” because he always insists I’m going to stab myself even though I never do…
And it is amazing for opening packages and I feel like a miniature Freddy Kruger, but I was so excited that when I went to put the lid back on it I missed and fucking stabbed the shit out of my hand.
Unrelated…that little die-cut thing in the picture above is a magnet that we are sending out when you buy a copy of HOW TO BE OKAY WHEN NOTHING IS OKAY from Nowhere and we accidentally ordered way too many so I stuck a bunch all over my tailgate and now it’s much easier to find my car in the parking lot. So if you happen to see a subaru in San Antonio with exploding headed bears all over it that is me and feel free to pull one off for yourself.
4. We got two weird reviews for Nowhere Bookshop from a couple who opined that “the book selection appeared to be purposeful” (it is!) and our far too LGBTQ-friendliness was too “in your face” (too friendly! Cut it out, y’all!) and that it was more of a safe space for “a particular crowd” than bookshop, and I guess that’s probably accurate if the particular crowd they’re talking about is readers who love love? It’s just sort of nice that even when we get one-star reviews they usually end up being ones we’re most proud of. 🙂
5. Purrsy Bysshe Shelley is growing like a fucking weed. HE IS LANKY AS HELL. Victor asked me what I was feeding him and I was like, “Kitten food and human hair.” Only the first part is intentional, but every night he cuddles up on my pillow and twice I have woken up to hear a weird noise and turned on the light to find that Purrsy was EATING MY HAIR.
It’s like he’s building a fucking nest.
Luckily for him, he is adorable. He can have all of my hair. I love him.
6. I forgot what number 6 was.
7. Wait, I remember! I wrote about my brain not working anymore on my art substack if you want to read it. (You can have it delivered each week in your email if you like. The majority of the posts are free for everyone but you can sign up for extras if you want to keep me in art supplies.)
8. There is no number 8. Thanks for reading, friend.
The inner editor in me was wrong and you were right. I thought the title should be “Get in the dumpster, bitch” but then I read your post and saw the photo. You are definitely right and I am definitely wrong. This is why authors should review every suggested change and only agree with 98% of them.
Now I have Blister in the Sun in my head (“I forget what 8 was for”), and I’m remembering one of the comments on one of your one-star reviews.. One of your staff members replied “Come for the comfy chairs and stay for the intersectional feminism!”) I might have to add that to my Nowhere T shirt.
“Get in the Bitch Dumpster” needs to be a magnetic sticker.
And, a pin.
And, in a pad of paper, where you can peel one off, and hand it to whomever needs it.
Just sayin’.
I’m still laughing at the bitch dumpster. I may never stop laughing (until something more ridiculous comes along – I love ridiculous things!)! Thank you for all you are. ❤️
I just ordered the knife. Will proceed with caution. Purssy is beyond adorable! 😍
I’ve been depressed lately. My (now former) best friend neglected to turn her phone off, and I heard saying horrible and untrue things about me to another person. I’m devastated! So I’m re – reading your books to cheer myself up and laughing my ass off. You’re the best!
How are you doing? Have you had the Ketamine yet? Sending love and support. ♥️
Bitch Dumpster seems less of an insult and more of a place I may meet like-minded folks. Please send me an invite to the soft launch of this new reading space / dance club / cafeteria / quiet room.
You always cheer me when I read your writing! Sending you love and joy and happiness!
I forget what eight is for…
because I’m weird, i have an image of Brick Tamland (Steve Carrell in Anchorman) saying: “I love bitch dumpster.”
Awesome bad review! Make me wish I could visit. We need more safe places for “a certain kind of people” to feel comfortable in.
Purssy Shelley is getting so big! And clearly loves your hair products. My mother used to have a dog who loved to lick her lotion off her feet and hands, and she had to put socks on in the summer to keep her dog from licking it off.
Get in the Bitch Dumpster!!!! Where we can dump all the bitching we do about things that suck in life so we don’t keep holding it inside where it turns to depression.
Thank you for the joy you bring by just being you.
The reason we mispronounce things is that we are READERS, and we’ve never heard them pronounced before! TV watchers pronounce things correctly but can’t spell them. (In fairness, I also watch TV)
1. Purrsy’s little kitteh belleh — be still my heart!
2. Have my exploding bear magnet in a prominent spot on our fridge.
3. There is no 3
4. I think everyone needs a bitch dumpster (unless you’re the type of person who would leave that kind of mean review for such a magical bookstore — then you go IN the bitch dumpster).
I have a long and lanky orange cat who I think might be related to Purrsey. Finn (my boy) is ridiculously skinny and always seems to be moving around like he’s on a mission. I’m not sure what mission it could be, because honestly he only gets the orange brain cell once a year or so. But I love him to death anyway.
I might need that little knife. I ALWAYS use scissors any way but as scissors. I have a lovely scar from when I tried to use kitchen scissors to unscrew a bolt. Don’t hold them by the blades, mmmkay? My husband cringes when I pick them up. And electric items I’m just not allowed to mess with at all. When I’ve only shocked myself once and it wasn’t really THAT bad.
Purrsy eating your hair reminded me of my cat Iza. I would wake up with her either licking or eating my hair. I could feel her paws on my head like a vise while she did it. LOL
She crossed the rainbow bridge almost a year ago. Every once and awhile I come home expecting her to be on my bed sleeping or waiting for me.
He cant help it! He has to share that one brain cell with all the other ginger cats. We had 3 we couldn’t tell apart so they were named ” the hill billys” or sometimes Larry, Daryl and Daryl 🥰
We have one stubby cat and one lanky cat. They look like those flip books with the animal legs, torsos, and heads and somebody put the wrong legs on each cat.
In what way is a ring knife safer than scissors? The knife’s blade is sharper and more likely to do damage from incidental contact. It only has one sharp end, not two, but I’m not sure that’s a crucial factor. If Victor is worried about stabbing, he should get you kindergarten scissors.
Clearly I need more caffeine because first read I saw “I am a PROBIOTIC reader” and I was confuzzled for a moment.
Jenny!! You need the Slice Micro Safety Cutter! It’s perfect for opening boxes (and tons of other things) AND you won’t cut yourself!
That kitty is the SWEETEST! Point of explanation: how do you pronounce “Bysshe?”” I took an English minor 50 years ago, and I never have known.
(I always pronounce it like it rhymes with “wish” but clearly I can’t be trusted to pronounce names correctly. – Jenny)
I wanted to put my magnet on my car, but I was an afraid it would get dirty and fall off!
Is that weird?
Lisa
Thanks for all the laughs. My son died 2 years ago and I’ve been in a pit of grief and desperation. What is the name of your bookstore and where is it located.
DJ Smith noregretsdj@aol.com
Update!!! I just clicked on one of your books and saw at the bottom, your name and address. I hope to visit maybe later this year. DJ Smith Las Vegas, NV
thanks for this, i think many of us needed this!
I think I need a pin or patch that says Get In The Bitch Dumpster.
Well your brain its doing fine in my humble opinion and its July and in July people go on vacation maybe your brain wants a vacation also I mean how can you think in that heat wave right 🙃 🙂
9, 9, 9 for my lost gods…
I’ve never been to your store but you’re right – that kind of review is what every bookstore should be aspiring to. Being too loving and inclusive??? Fabulous!
If Purrrrrsy (sorry, i just can’t spell it any other way) is earing your hair, are you gonna end up with a truly Texas-sized hairball whwn he yaks it all up???
Just thought you might like to know that a community in Maine is coming together to support a couple who have been fined for having two six foot metal roosters in front of their house that they say make their adopted autistic daughter feel safe:
https://finance.yahoo.com/small-business/articles/maine-town-fined-family-nearly-150000613.html
-Doug in Sugar Pine
Love you, Jenny. Thanks for continuing to share your life challenges with us. We need your voice. I forget what number 6 is all the time. LOL!!!
Your #4 reminded me of a review of my favorite coffee shop in my town. It’s a welcoming place and has LGBTQ+ banners and such. Some individual wrote that they decided not to visit based on “their kind not being welcome” (??) and also noted that the shop served “uppity sandwiches.” So now that’s what I order every time. 🙂
Re: Purrsy — 1.) What a love he is; so glad you found each other. 2.) Thanks for sharing him with us. We love cats and have shared our lives with many, but can’t keep one right now, so we live the life feline vicariously thanks to generous folks such as yourselves. 3.) Lanky cats: Oh, nostalgia. We had a delightful amber-eyed, short-haired, orange-and-white boy named Rory, and “lanky” was one of the words we used for him — “rangy” was another. He was so long-bodied that visitors remarked on it, and I used to joke that someone had forgotten to turn off the extruder, and so we’d gotten a cat-and-a-half. He was a darling, loopy, sweet, affectionate goofball, and we miss him. Wishing you and Purrsy many happy years together. 💙
#4!! I love that the one star reviews are highlighting the best stuff. Purposeful book selection and a safe space?? Take my money!
I absolutely LOVE the teenage portion of kittens… they are all lanky and their ears look too big and they just romp around all awkwardly!!!
Late to the party, but it’s the dust that’s causing your no-brain. Have a headache? Dust. Can’t breath out of your nose? Dust. ITCHY?? The damn dust. The zombie apocalypse won’t be from fungi; it’ll be from dust. Also I’ve never lived ANYWHERE where there is an annual dust season. Texas is weird, man.
I was a bookseller for more than 20 years and just found out I had been pronouncing Ngaio Marsh’s name wrong (golden age of crime writer). I always thought it was “N-GAY-oh,” but no: it’s apparently NIGH-OH??? Gigantic face palm.
I’m finding myself wondering about the vagaries of language.
Is the “bitch dumpster” where one disposes of one’s bitches? Or does the dumpster itself bear some quality of bitchiness? Could one say, “Other dumpsters are fine, but that dumpster is a bitch!”? Or, maybe it’s a knock-off ride at the county fair, one that takes you up to a height and then drops you: The Bitch Dumpster.
Then again, if one adds a comma—”Get in the bitch, Dumpster”—it sounds like a command. Maybe you’re telling your childhood friend, who everyone calls Dumpster, to “get in the bitch,” the “bitch” in question being your 2009 Honda Civic with the mismatched door panel.
I open my iPad every night to see GET IN THE BITCH DUMPSTER and laugh all over again. I would even cross stitch it for you should you find it has (not literal) legs! ❤️
Hey, depression is real. It diminishes your ability to relate to others, don’t apologize for it. You are loved, don’t ever forget that.