Autocorrect on my text messages is making me look even more unhinged than normal lately, so if you ever feel bad about your texting issues, please enjoy these two examples from just the last week:
What I thought I wrote:
“I need to start being more kind to myself. I’ve been really getting down on myself lately.”
What I actually sent:
“I need to start being more kind to myself. I’ve been really going down on myself lately.”
What I thought I wrote:
“I slept for maybe two hours last night so instead of getting up this morning I just brought my laptop, a bowl of old easter candy and my notes back into bed and breakfasted with the dog and cat, who seemed confused but nonjudgmental.”
What I actually sent:
“I slept for maybe two hours last night so instead of getting up this morning I just brought my laptop, a bowl of old easter candy and my notes back into bed and breastfed with the dog and cat, who seemed confused but nonjudgmental.”
Anyway, this is my public apology to everyone I text because you really don’t deserve this and I hope you enjoy whatever is wrong with me because holy fuck, it’s a lot.
(Above: a live representation of how I assume everyone looks when they open my texts. I’m so sorry.)
Thank you for the belly laugh! 😂
Again, Jenny, you are all of us.
A few years ago, I was in a group text with elementary school PTA moms about a fundraiser, in this case In-n-Out merch. I was excited about the socks. My evil phone (bc it couldn’t be my fingers or undiagnosed braincloud) kept autocorrecting to In-n-Out dicks. Like five times. In a row. I thought it was kinda hilarious. The PTA did not agree. Which was also kinda hilarious.
Autocorrect does it on purpose. I proofread my texts before I hit send, and watch as the word I so carefully chose morphs into something entirely different and something I never would have chosen myself.
I feel your pain. I recently meant to text “Excellent, thanks!” but what I actually sent was “Excrement, thanks!” WTF autocorrect.
Ha ha ha! Your autocorrect is wicked funny – not sure where she gets it from…
I only mistype individual letters and frustrate myself to no end, all the while aggravating my capal-tunnels. Wouldn’t live without my smartphone, though! Peace and happy brain waves to you, dear Jenny!
Omg thank you. I once texted my physical therapist, “can you fix my dick,” instead of “can you fix my neck.” And I don’t even have one of those. Well I do have the neck so you can figure out the rest.
I feel you’re mortification myself and another beep use speech to text a lot and between speech to text and auto-cucumber airs see there we go errors our texts look very bizarre and cryptic to other people I have occasionally sent my girlfriend another beep text messages where I then had to follow it with the second and third text message explaining what the first text message should have been I guess I’m saying don’t worry you’re not alone
Well done. Good stuff. I guessed correctly on the first one even before your reveal.
Autocorrect on texts and messages often substitutes the worst choices for my terrible mistyping. It’s sometimes terrible offensive words that I then have to send an apology text right after. And I swear I doublecheck everything before I hit send. But with AI it’s gotten even worse, if I even type the correct word, AI autocorrect will charge it to something completely wrong. I blame the robots….
I lol’d at “breastfed.” I once told someone I was at home nursing a sick cat and he said “Don’t you get scratched about the breast?”
I can so relate!!! But yours are funnier :).
My problem is, and apparently always will be, I don’t carefully look at texts I’m responding to. I was once the grocery store and they started playing Andy Gibb – dude, The Gibb – who I hadn’t heard in years and was so excited to text my friend that I opened the app and sent her the song, along with a message. Except I had hit my boss’s name because they were both named Jenn. I sent the bank president an Andy Gibb song with the message, “his chest hairs still shine bright”.
Thank you for sharing. I’m having one of those days where everything seems so much. I want to cry but when I went into the bathroom, because I’m at work, it just wouldn’t come. Then I read this and I laugh out loud. Thank you
I’ve never breastfed the dog and the cat at the same time. You rock.
Hahaha! I don’t group text for this reason. I also haven’t bothered to write a new post on substack lately because I had a biopsy on my left middle finger (stitches and all) and knew that there would have been more than a tsunami of offensively wrong autocorrections that would have taken forever to fix.
My Frankenstein finger is unyielding and wants me to offend people with its inflexibility. Side note, no cancer just have skin weirdness ( of the rare unicorn variety) that my derm is puzzled by and is trying to diagnose. Side note, you have left over Easter candy??! Wow. I search and destroy with all candy stat. It would have been gone in days at my place 😂
Text thread with a friend:
Me: Hey! Do you own Twitter?
Me: Damn it!
Me: Twister*
Friend: Lol. Yes l am a tech bajillionaire