depression lies – Page 2

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

A few months ago I finally did the TEDx talk that I’d been a nervous wreck worrying about. I ended up having an actual anxiety attack in the middle of it. One so bad that I stopped talking and stood in silence for a terrible minute trying to breathe. I was told that if IContinue reading “Thanks for coming to my TED talk.”

Going Nowhere…slowly.

I told my shrink today that I think I have to go back on Xanax. It feels like admitting failure, even though I know it isn’t. It’s a medication, and one that I need when I’m ill. And although I know logically that it’s strong to admit you need help and that I believe thisContinue reading “Going Nowhere…slowly.”

I don’t even know how to spell the thing that I’m going to do to myself but I still feel good about it so don’t freak me out, okay?

So if you read here you already know that I deal with a host of mental issues and you can probably tell that it’s gotten a bit worse lately and that sucks. I go to sleep not knowing if I’ll wake up depressed or “normal” and when I do feel normal I’m so damn jealousContinue reading “I don’t even know how to spell the thing that I’m going to do to myself but I still feel good about it so don’t freak me out, okay?”

It’s late.

It’s late, but that’s not a surprise. It’s always late when this happens. The business and sunlight and work drive away any time you have to feel too strongly, but eventually the sun goes down and everyone is tucked into bed and you are alone and the only sound is your terrible voice in yourContinue reading “It’s late.”

Surviving September

There’s something about September that wants to eat you. I wrote that years ago and it’s still just as true today. In fact, every September for years and years I’ve written a post about how – for me at least – September brings a sneaking depression with it. This September has been similar, but inContinue reading “Surviving September”

This is a dangerous post to write.

Updated 4-24-17: Holy crap, y’all. I love you. Not only did you listen but you gave me honest advice and reminded me how incredibly difficult but also how worthwhile it is to keep looking for the unique treatment that works for each person. You also reminded me that I’m not alone in continuing to search for toolsContinue reading “This is a dangerous post to write.”