depression lies – The Bloggess

There’s something about September that wants to kill you.

I’ve been blogging steadily for almost 15 years now. I blogged when people didn’t know what blogging was. I blogged when it was popular. I blogged when blogging was declared dead and was sneered at. I blog now when it’s being rediscovered by a new generation. And in that time I’ve learned a lot aboutContinue reading “There’s something about September that wants to kill you.”

Adventures in ketamine (part 2)

It’s been a bit of time since I wrote part 1 of this so if you missed the first part of me talking about taking psychedelic ketamine treatments to treat my depression you can click here. So. The first treatment was weird as hell and I basically melted into another dimension. The second treatment theyContinue reading “Adventures in ketamine (part 2)”

Is today hard?

Is today hard? It feels hard. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s the weather. Or the stress of Hailey doing her finals and me being overwhelmed with everything. Today feels like everything is wrong and dusty and too much and not enough. Today feels like everyone hates everyone else because they feel like they wereContinue reading “Is today hard?”

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

A few months ago I finally did the TEDx talk that I’d been a nervous wreck worrying about. I ended up having an actual anxiety attack in the middle of it. One so bad that I stopped talking and stood in silence for a terrible minute trying to breathe. I was told that if IContinue reading “Thanks for coming to my TED talk.”

Going Nowhere…slowly.

I told my shrink today that I think I have to go back on Xanax. It feels like admitting failure, even though I know it isn’t. It’s a medication, and one that I need when I’m ill. And although I know logically that it’s strong to admit you need help and that I believe thisContinue reading “Going Nowhere…slowly.”

I don’t even know how to spell the thing that I’m going to do to myself but I still feel good about it so don’t freak me out, okay?

So if you read here you already know that I deal with a host of mental issues and you can probably tell that it’s gotten a bit worse lately and that sucks. I go to sleep not knowing if I’ll wake up depressed or “normal” and when I do feel normal I’m so damn jealousContinue reading “I don’t even know how to spell the thing that I’m going to do to myself but I still feel good about it so don’t freak me out, okay?”