The Bloggess

So. Last night I went to Windcrest (it’s part of San Antonio) because they have this decades-old tradition where people put up incredible holiday decorations and people can drive through the neighborhoods for free. I was chosen to be one of the judges of the Christmas Light-Up because the theme this year is “storybooks” and they wanted an author. I was more than slightly nervous to leave the house because of my social anxiety but from the email invite it sounded like a simple little dinner cooked and given by high school students and then a drive around the neighborhoods to judge the houses. I told Victor I wasn’t sure what to wear because I don’t own anything christmasy and he was like, “I’m sure you can wear anything” so I threw a sweater from Goodwill over my denim house dress and as I was walking out of the door I realized I was still wearing my garden flip-flops and ran to change shoes but the only ones I could find didn’t match my outfit at all but who cares because I’m sure it’s fine, right? *cough*

And then we got inside and I walked directly into several men who were wearing elaborate white coronation suits with gold cords and medals, like the one Cinderella’s husband wore at the royal ball and I was like, “I have made a terrible mistake.”

And then Victor said, “It’s fine. I see other people wearing casual clothes” and that would be comforting if right then a man hadn’t walked in wearing a full royal suit complete with a golden crown THAT LIT THE FUCK UP. So if you ever feel underdressed in the future, just know that you’re not doing that badly if you’re not in a goodwill sweater standing next to a man in an electrified and bejeweled golden crown.

And then I just stared at Victor because what the fuck is actually happening right now and he was like, “Let’s just go sit at that empty table in the back in case we need to sneak out” and so we sat alone for a few minutes until the most glamorous woman I’ve ever seen in real life walked in wearing a stunning dress and she and her husband came to sit with us and did I mention that she was also wearing a crown BECAUSE SHE’S THE REIGNING MISS SAN ANTONIO.

I could not make this shit up, y’all.

BUT…I decided to just give up all pretense of pretending to be normal and skipped awkward smalltalk and got into a weirdly deep conversation with this gorgeous woman who also happens to also be a lawyer and a mother and a fellow introver,t and it was lovely and I was very impressed with myself for not faking diarrhea and immediately hiding in the bathroom until everyone left.

Then we were told that the judges would be split up into groups that would be driven around by the police and that’s when I thought, “This is the weirdest undercover sting I have ever been involved in and if they wanted me to pay my parking tickets they could have just said.” But turns out I wasn’t being arrested and I sent my kid a text with this picture and the words, “Right now I’m in the back of a cop car and I’m not going to jail this time and I just wanted to celebrate this as a win. HIGH FIVE.”

And Hailey probably pinched their nose and sighed just like the cop was doing in the picture and they replied, “WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING??” but I didn’t respond because I was too busy asking the cop legal questions. (Like did you know that if I refused to wear a seatbelt in a cop car I would get the ticket instead of him? Who knew? Answer: He knew.)

Anyway, this is just to say that even though I initially thought that I’d made a terrible mistake in leaving the house, it ended up being really lovely and I’m leaving this here to remind myself to get out more even if I do it in my garden flip-flops. (But maybe I should put an emergency crown in the car for next time? I don’t know the rules about crowns.)

PS. Turns out the guys in the royal suits were part of the Fiesta royalty which will make no sense to you if you don’t live in San Antonio, but it’s totally a real thing we love here. I got a picture of them but it wasn’t very flattering so instead I’m using an official one, although this is a totally different crown than the one he was wearing last night and how many crowns does he have? It’s kind of impressive, really, but now I’m wondering if I need to have multiple emergency car crowns?

Leaving the house is confusing, y’all.

PPS. I did not get any good pictures of the houses because I’m a terrible journalist but this one I took from a moving police car was one of my favorites because I know people love a good nativity scene but I’m an absolute sucker for a house with a death star on it.

Happy holidays, y’all.

The world is hard but books are a lovely escape so here are some of my suggestions for new November releases you should read:

As Many Souls as Stars by Natasha Siegel.  For fans of The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, an inventive and romantic speculative novel about two women—a witch and an immortal demon—who make a Faustian bargain and are drawn into a cat-and-mouse chase across multiple lifetimes. Complicated, supernatural lesbians? YES, PLEASE. I liked it so much that I picked it for the Fantastic Strangelings Bookclub, which you should join if you haven’t already. We’re relaunching it soon so stay tuned for more info.

The Place Where they Buried Your Heart by Christina Henry – A woman must confront the evil that has been terrorizing her street since she was a child in this gripping haunted house novel, perfect for fans of The Last House on Needless Street and Tell Me I’m Worthless. I loved it so much I finished it in one sitting and immediately picked it as the book to send out to all of our Nightmares from Nowhere Book Club members.

The Bookshop Below by Georgia Summers – a disgraced bookseller is offered the chance to restore a magical bookshop to its former glory, and enters a dark underworld of unscrupulous collectors, deadly ink magic and shady societies. I want to live there.

How About Now:  Poems by Kate Baer – Raw, luminous, and urgent, this collection channels Baer’s own journey to middle age into poems that are profoundly intimate yet resound universally, identifying the beauty, resilience, and fragility that arrive in every stage of life. I yelled, “HELL YES” as I was reading it…multiple times.

Cursed Daughters by Oyinkan Braithwaite – A young woman must shake off a family curse and the widely held belief that she is the reincarnation of her dead cousin in this strange and perceptive novel about love, female rivalry, and superstition.

I’ll Make a Spectacle of You by Beatrice Winifred Iker – this heart-pounding Southern gothic horror debut takes readers to Bricksbury University, the oldest and most storied HBCU in the nation. But as one student is about to find out, a long history comes with a legacy of secrets.

Brigands & Breadknives by Travis Baldtree – Have you read Legends & Lattes? And Bookshops & Bonedust? You should. And then read this book. Excellent comfort reads.

Happy reading, friend.

Today when we were finishing lunch the waiter was like, “How was your day?” and I said, “Good, thanks! A little exhausting, but good. How was yours?” and then he and Victor just stared at me in silence and finally Victor whispered, “He asked how your tamale was” and now I can never go back there.

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I sign books for free if you order them at Nowhere but I often like to do a little extra and it almost always ends in apologies.

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I just read a thing about how not everyone eats green bean casserole and I’m floored. Have you never had it? The green beans and the mushroom soup and the fried onions on top? How about broccoli cheese and rice casserole? (It is my favorite and I will hear no slander on it.) This is like hearing that people have never tried macaroni. Inconceivable.

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I have stories from when I left the country last week but I’m still recovering from traveling (thanks chronic illness!) and tomorrow I’m going to be too high to write because I have a ketamine treatment for my depression. But more to come, I promise.

Have a great tamale.

This isn’t a real post but I’m leaving the country for a few days and I’m sharing my art substack letter here in case you want details. 🙂 Back soon!

Hello, friend!

I try to always post here every Monday but this coming Monday I can’t because I’ll be out of the country. Long story short, as a true social anxiety introvert, I have exactly one friend in my town who I can call to grab a margarita at any time and she very rudely decided to live her one wild and precious life fully and that meant selling everything to explore the world as she works from her laptop. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen her but tomorrow I’m flying to the Canary Islands to meet up with her. YAY! (Now to quiet the travelers anxiety that tells me I will either not poop for a week or have nonstop diarrhea. Is that just a me thing? I feel like it’s just a me thing.)

Anyway, that means that I won’t be here Monday to mail you this letter and I don’t know how to schedule future stuff so instead I’m sending this now.

This weeks drawing is a little different because I wanted to make something travel-related since I always use my drawings to encourage myself when I’m feeling scared and so I decided to try grid journaling, which Lina Forrester teaches.

I put down painter’s tape on watercolor paper and then outlined the boxes and drew my own wild map borders.

And painted a little green and grey randomly…

And when I pulled off the tape, I had some lovely little art (and also a fair amount of small paper tears because I used really cheap watercolor paper).

It’s a fun and easy project if you’re looking for something mindless to do with your hands and I highly recommend it. (If you make one, tag me so I can see it.)

“I am not lost. Simply making my own maps.”

I went outside to take a picture of it and my neighbor walked by and said, “Oh that’s so pretty. ‘I AM NOT SIMPLY MY OWN. LOST. MAKING MAPS,’” and I was like, “Welp. Close enough, I guess.”

Love and canaries,

~ me

Victor always makes fun of me because I’ve never been asked to do jury duty and I must be on a list of people to avoid but last month I finally got a card telling me to show up. I filled out the questionnaire and thought I’d be disqualified when because I said “no” to the part where it asks if you are of sound mind and good moral character, but apparently that doesn’t matter because they still said I had to come in. (And honestly I love watching court tv so I wasn’t against being chosen, but I also know that my depression and anxiety can be disabling at times so I wasn’t sure if I’d able to do a long trial.)

Nonetheless, I made my way downtown and my map made me walk out to a plank in the middle of the river and then I was swarmed by so many screeching grackles my ears hurt. Other cities get fall colors. San Antonio gets this:

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Nonetheless, I was sworn in and picked for the first panel for a criminal court and a lady had us all line up in order but the girl in front of me wasn’t on the list so the bailiff asked “What’s your street name?” and she was like, “My what now?” and he said, “Your street name” and she looked at me and I shrugged and whispered, “What they call you on the street, I guess?” and she said, “Like my gang name?” and the man behind us was like, “He wants your address” and then we both were like, “Ooooooh” and I suspect we both got red marks by our names.

Then we hiked up five floors of stairs and stood in the hall in a long line outside of the courtroom. Apparently this is intentional because when people see a hundred jurors standing outside waiting to be selected they’re more likely to take a plea and so everyone just stands outside as long as it takes for lawyers to decide whether to move forward. I brought a book so I was fine with waiting but after 45 minutes my feet were killing me so I sat on the ground and then the bailiff came out to tell us we were about to go in so I stood back up and then 30 minutes passed and I sat back down on the floor and then a lawyer came out and said they were almost ready and so I stood back up and then another 30 minutes passed and I was like, “Watch, I’m going to do a magic trick” and sat down and immediately the bailiff came out and was like, “Okay, everyone get in line” and I said, “TA-DA!” and the bailiff probably gave me another red mark. Then another 20 minutes passed and a woman walked in in her pajamas and yelled “WHERE THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE? WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING COMPLICATED?” until a lawyer came out to get her and I crossed my fingers that I’d be on her trial because I kind of loved her. And then, after so many hours, the judge came out and told us that with our help, all of the trials on the docket had been settled and that we could go home. Which was both a little disappointing and also a relief.

(If you subscribe to my art substack, this letter is already waiting for you in your mailbox, but I’m sharing it here too in case you don’t do substack but still need to read it.)

Dear friend,

This is the last week of October and so I drew you a Halloweeny sketch but then Sunday I had this really weird thought that someone out there needed to hear something specific and so I drew it up and thought I’d share it next week but my very compulsive mind is telling me that I need to post it now. This might just be my OCD winning but I also believe in following your gut, so next week you’ll get my Halloween drawing WAY AFTER HALLOWEEN and I’m so sorry I’m like this.

But…maybe you’re the person who needs to hear this today…

it’s going to be okay. I love you. You are doing amazing. 

The world is hard at times and we’re each fighting so many battles, but you’re doing so much better than you think. You are making differences in the lives of people in ways you’ll probably never see. It’s easy to let the darkness around us overshadow the light, but your shine is integral. It may be impossible to see the glow you bring with your own eyes, but it is so gorgeously obvious to so many others.

“I can’t always keep the rain away. But I’ll always share my umbrella.”

There is always space under my umbrella for you.

I super crazy love you.

Your friend,

~ Jenny