Like Mother Teresa, only better.
It’s Friday and that means that it’s time for you to take a 10 minute break, come into my office and sit next to me as I show you all of the videos I’ve saved for you this last month. LET’S GOOOOOO.
Wait for it.
Literally Victor and I:
It do be like that sometimes:
Happy early weekend, y’all.
I went to the doctor and the nurse asked for a urine sample so I went in the bathroom while she waited outside but I couldn’t pee because I was certain she was listening and more and more time kept passing, which kept making it worse. And then I had this panicked thought that I could just fill the cup with the liquid soap, and then when I handed it back to her I could say, “Ooh, that was thick one!” and then just run for the exit. And clearly I wouldn’t do that but just the idea of it made me laugh out loud and then I realized that the nurse was listening to the sound of me NOT peeing while laughing hysterically to myself in the toilet. And then I panicked even more because I couldn’t decide whether to explain what I was laughing at or just say that I saw a funny cat video on my phone, but I’d literally just fallen off the examining table moments earlier and they know me enough to know I’m not nearly coordinated enough to catch a tiny bucket of piss with one hand while scrolling instagram with the other. But then I did eventually pee and when I handed her the cup I just said, “Thought I saw a frog in there” and then quickly left, because that way it seemed like the real issue was their restroom cleanliness, because who’s leaving frogs in there? But by the time I got to my car I started wondering if she understood that I was saying I laughed out of surprise because I thought I saw a frog in the restroom and not that I thought I saw a frog in the pee I was handing her, but honestly either way I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to find a new doctor.
PS. I don’t have a picture for you because I didn’t take a picture of my urine (you’re welcome) but here’s a picture of Hunter S. Thomcat giving me almost exactly the same look the nurse gave me.
I’ve been adding to this little fairy hole for awhile…
…and I’d like to think it’s the little girl next door leaving little gifts but it’s entirely possible that some other adult has found the hole and thinks that a kid made it and is just humoring them and I’m doing the same thing and technically it’s just too grown-ass people playing with toys with each other.
Still…I’ll take it.
I make my living with words. I’m a 4x NYT bestselling author. I read voraciously. I own an independent bookshop and pick books for multiple book clubs, but I still find myself looking up new words or concepts whenever I read new books. This is actually what I love because I want to expand my mind and learn more, but I read a book coming out in April that I really loved but which made me run for the dictionary so many times I started to question my own intelligence. I kept a list of a few of the words or phrases I had to look up because I need to know if I’m alone in not knowing them.
Semaphoric
Bolshy
Lushington
Voight-Kampff
Viz
Mithered
Flense
Sublimate
Rhotic
Épée
Corpse (as a verb)
Quotidian
Exegesis
Sloe
Edenic
Gelid
How many did you know? If you knew all 16 you win.
PS. Here are the definitions in case you’re clueless like me: Visual signaling, difficult or argumentative, a drunk, a test run by Blade Runners to see if someone was an android, to wit, fussing, slicing fat off a carcass, to change form but not essence, dialect in which “r” is pronounced before a consonant, a sword, being unable to control laughter while acting as a dead body, common, critical interpretation of scripture, blackthorn fruit, relating to the Garden of Eden, extremely cold.
Several years ago my talented, strange friend – Aurora Florence – was in the process of creating a short film about an adorable, weirdo taxidermist who suffers from crippling anxiety and dresses her rescued roadkill up in outfits. And also it’s a musical with dancing taxidermy. IT’S LIKE IT WAS MADE FOR ME.
She asked if she could borrow Rory (the sweet raccoon on the cover of Furiously Happy and I was totally in except that Rory is way too fragile and his hands keep falling off (it’s fine. My dad resculpted them over dinner one night) so instead I sent her Rory III, who was made with doll hands, cardboard, magic and a roadkill raccoon carcass. Rory III was created many years ago when I was on book tour by my other talented, strange friend – Tara Dactyl.
Aurora loved him because the best kind of people can see hidden magic and so Rory III went on vacation to have a guest spot in The Anxious Taxidermist, an award-winning short that I love so much it hurts. I can’t show you the whole thing because (fingers crossed) it’ll hopefully be made into a full feature in the future, but Aurora did upload three of my favorite songs from the musical so that you can all appreciate the BRILLIANT (I don’t use this word lightly…seriously, you’ll agree) work and also see Rory III make his acting debut.
Ready? This one is a favorite that I can’t stop singing loudly around my house, much to Victor’s chagrine. (Tiny Rory III sighting at 45 seconds.)
And this one, which is just…CHEF’S KISS…and features a Rory III solo at 1:20.
And this one, which is not Rorified, but literally makes me cry every time because she absolutely nailed the constant battle with our own heads.
Ow. But also…fuck yeah.
All this to say…we can do amazing things…strange and amazing things….together.
She’s currently fundraising for her next project, which sounds fantastic. You can check it out here if you want to get involved.
And my friend Tara, who created Rory III so many years ago? She was recently on a game show with David Spade where people guess which business is real and which is a joke.
She presented ethically-sourced raccoon carcasses rescued from the dumpsters to be made into crocs. Crocoons.
And they are absolutely real, my friends.
You can check her stuff out here.
All this to say that sisters are getting shit done.
Weird, terribly bizarre shit.
The best kind of shit.
Keep on going friends. You may struggle. You may get judged. But in the end our combined strangeness makes us better. Or at least frightens away the people we don’t want to talk to.
It’s February and that means I get to pick books for the book club…whoop!
If you’re in the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club you’ll be getting The Warm Hands of Ghosts by Katherine Arden.
It sounds like horror but really it’s more like historical fiction with a splash of paranormal. During the Great War, a combat nurse searches for her brother, believed dead in the trenches despite eerie signs that suggest otherwise, in this hauntingly beautiful historical novel with a speculative twist.
I loved it and was a little embarrassed at how little I knew about the history of WWI and what it was like in the trenches. When will I get to a point when I read historical fiction and be like, “Oh, I already know all of this”? Does that ever happen? I can’t tell if I’m dumb for not knowing so much or smart for continuing to learn. Maybe both? Let’s say both.
And if you’re in the Nightmares from Nowhere Book Club we’re sending you a book that explores rivalry, sacrifice, uneven power dynamics, ambition, ethics, and feminism in a way that reimagines the first vampire book, Carmilla? It’s a spicy, sapphic, enemies-to-lovers romance with a side of murder called An Education in Malice by S.T.Gibson.
An if you, like me, need more than one book to get you through the month, here are some new February releases I liked.
Bored Gay Werewolf by Tony Santorella – Gritty. Funny. Weird. Like if a gay Fight Club mixed with The Talented Mr. Ripley and picked a fight with Andrew Taint.
I’ll Just Be Five More Minutes: And Other Tales from My ADHD Brain by Emily Farris –True story…I think I was asked to blurb this book and I really liked it but I can’t remember if I blurbed it or not because I have ADHD. So, I guess…relatable?
The Tainted Cup by Robert Jackson Bennett – Part murder mystery…part world-building magical fantasy. All good.
The Book of Love by Kelly Link – This book is long as hell and is about everything and the kitchen sink, but the prose is gorgeous.
House of Last Resort by Christopher Golden – Creepy demons. Italian catacombs. Catholic Church shenanigans.
The Invisible Hotel by Yeji Y. Ham – This is such a strange little book that examines generational trauma in Korea. It’s a very odd exploration on dread, grief and the long-lasting effects of war and fear.
Dear Sister by Michelle Horton – A fascinating memoir by the sister of Nikki Addimando, incarcerated for killing her abuser, about abuse, family and the criminal justice system.
Until next month, happy reading and don’t forget to support your local indie bookshop!
~Jenny
