How did the hamsters even *get* jet lag?

Hi.

Just got back from Utah.  More on that later, but right now I just want to say that my blog and email have been ill for the last 24 hours, but I’m moving to a bigger server so it should be fixed.  Also, I am severely jet-lagged so I have nothing funny to say.  Except that I just looked up “jet lag” on Wikipedia and it said that scientists have helped hamsters recover from jet-lag by giving them viagra.  Which means that at one point there were a bunch of people flying hamsters with tiny erections to exotic locations in the name of science. Which I think is just proof that scientists are high all the time.

Also, I’m pretty sure cancer still exists, right?  Meanwhile, people are bringing drugged, involuntarily-aroused hamsters on planes, and I’m not even allowed to bring my diet coke through security.  This is exactly the kind of thing I’d take a stand against if it wasn’t for the fact that I don’t even know what the hell I’d write on that picket sign.

PS.  The study also notes that the hamster study “is considered an off-label use by the drug’s manufacturer“.  Which seems like a lost opportunity, because who doesn’t want to use erection meds to cure your hamsters of jet-lag?  Apparently the people who make viagra don’t.  Because they hate your hamster.

PPS.  I can afford the upgrade so no worries, but if you want to help me pay for the bigger server you can buy something at my horrifically inappropriate store. Or you could send me a briefcase of unmarked bills.  Or get me a grant for hamster-erection studies.  Apparently there’s a lot of money in that.

141 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Incredible. When I take Viagra after a long flight Bangkok, I usually chase it with an Ambien. Then I wake up in a hamster brothel surrounded by hay and having bits of carrot stuck in my g-string, egging me on to “take it off”.

    This explains a lot. Thank you for this public service.

    Charlie recently posted Fatherhood Fridays #5.

  2. “Which means that at one point there were a bunch of people flying hamsters with tiny erections to exotic locations in the name of science.” And, to think they are scrubbing the Shuttle program.

    Hamsters in spaaaaaacccceeeeee!

    Eva recently posted Miscellany.

  3. Does this mean if I fly I could possibly get an RX for viagra? I mean, if it’s good enough for hampsters… Eh?

  4. So many inappropriate Richard Gere jokes… brain melting…

  5. Best excuse ever for getting stiffy pills BTW, “but I need them so I don’t have jet-lag”. “I swear my treats work just fine.. It is only for flying guys”….

  6. “even when low doses of the drug, which did not cause penile erections, were used. ”

    How exactly do check for penile erections in hamsters?

  7. humm, I always used exercise to cure jet lag (yeah, I’m a freak, whatever) but good to know there is another very viable alternative. Guessing that these hamsters are not such child friendly pets when they retire, or maybe that’s why the little buggers never last too long – years of flying and viagra puts a terrible strain on the system. Someone must launch an investigation into this hamster recycling program you have un-earthed.

    JJ recently posted Banana Bread French Toast.

  8. As it happens I am close personal friends with the author of the Hamster Erection and Jet Lag study as it is so titled. If you want I can get you in on the next one. Its about Platypuses and Ambien and Lock Jaw

  9. “PPS. I can afford the upgrade so no worries,”

    And this is where I really thought you were talking about upgrading your hamster’s Viagra. Not sure that even makes sense. And yet…

    JimK recently posted Lessons learned in youth.

  10. Next thing you know, we’ll be getting tweets from hamsters sending pictures of their junk. Not a pretty picture…hamster dinkies…

    whimzee recently posted Mystery Monday Answer #3.

  11. The benefits of pure research are not always immediately apparent. Sometimes it takes decades for research to translate into practical applications. Sure, treating jetlagged hamsters seems a bit abstract and wasteful but it might someday lead to a cure for gerbil insomnia. Or something.

    Steve recently posted #284 Galactic Conflict.

  12. Viagra cures jet lag? Here I was using for a “lay over”.

    Mrs. P recently posted And you have to do them EVERYDAY. It’s the only way to stay fit..

  13. Hamsters and Viagra. This isn’t something I expected to read about on this Sunday. But, I am glad I did.

    And, Whimzee, Hamster Dinkies was the name of my college intramural badminton team. We were undefeated. :-P

  14. Now we know what scientists do all day.

    maddie recently posted bean sprouts in poop – rules of thumb.

  15. What next? Premature Inking studies on Octopi?

    Do you suppose you’ve ever been on a flight with artificially aroused hamsters? Shouldn’t you have been given some sort of pamphlet or waiver to sign if that were the case? Do they fly in the main passenger compartment or do they stuff them down in the luggage bay? I think it’d be difficult to maintain an erection if you were being buffeted by luggage. Maybe that’s a hamster kink most of us aren’t aware of… so many, many questions.

  16. Jesus Christ. I’m stone cold sober right now and the logic behind the hamster-erection thing completely baffles me. I mean, how do you figure out how much Viagra to even give a hamster? Like, is there a threshold after which the poor little critter needs to seek immediate medical attention after having an erection for four hours or something?

    And that, dear friends, is probably the most fucked up thing I’ve ever typed.

    Chelsie recently posted This is the post I should remember when I get pulled aside for additional screening in an airport security line..

  17. But how do they measure the erections? Enquiring minds…

    Lori Dyan recently posted The Day I Smooched Mr. Selleck.

  18. No insomnia here, just Australian.
    I now have visions of teeny tiny Hamster erections and will spend the next 20 minutes with my eyes in an acid bath. So thanks for that!

    Glowless recently posted Funky Handmade Toys.

  19. “Stand up against Horny hamsters with diet coke.” Hmm, no.

    “Dieting sleepy people should have the same rights as aroused hamsters.” No, that’s not it, either.

    Um, you’re right, it is hard to know what to write on the picket sign.

    Wooden Monkey recently posted Feeling Regal.

  20. …Hamster porn.

  21. I’m kind of glad I don’t have a hamster. I never thought to worry about their jet-laggedness. I’d be a bad hamster mommy.

    Makes me wonder if I’m a bad dog mommy. Do dogs get any sort of running-in-the-yard lag?

    HNtG recently posted Let’s Talk DLC.

  22. I’m pretty sure they also tried that study on rhinos, but found them a bit harder to get on the plane calmly. They should really think about that in the future.

    Anna recently posted Crazy Ass Shit and Real Conversations.

  23. My briefcase for unmarked bills is at the cleaners, but I got my eye on a Knock, knock Motherfucker T-shirt.

    Who am I kidding. I’m buying pot and hookers and I know it.

    Eric recently posted Dysfunction is relative, and probably one of my relatives: Part II Engineering Stupid.

  24. I think that is the kind of a message that screams out for a billboard, as it just won’t fit on a picket sign.

    Tracie recently posted Bedtime Stories and Microscopic Swimmers.

  25. Hmmm….hamsters with tiny erections reminds me of a boyfriend I had right out of high school. He wasn’t a hamster, dating a hamster would be wrong on so many levels, but he did have a teeny weenie.

    Elle recently posted A guest post by a kick ass mama of two who’s a baking extraordinaire. After seeing her goodies, I want to be her sister wife. Get your mind out of the gutter, Pervy McPervington. I mean her baked goodies..

  26. There was a guy who taped 22 basilisk lizards to his chest and tried to board a plane, so nothing surprises me. But its the day they surgically implant the bombs in the hamsters with tiny little viagra-ed erections that I lose my shix and take the bus. Man the terrorists ALWAYS win, don’t they?

    LA Juice recently posted Bring Your Sex Hat- We’re Going Streaking in the Quad.

  27. I think I have the answer.

    Q: “How did the hamsters even *get* jet lag?”
    A: You know how some of the Hollywood plastic chicks carry little dogs in their handbags? Maybe their plastic boy counterparts have hamsters in their man-purse instead of little dogs?… and with all the jet-setting they do, maybe it was discovered that the plastic boys hamsters got jet-lag…. and maybe one of the plastic boys decided to share one of his viagra pills he stole from his plastic dad to his hamster just for the hell of it, and realised his hamster didn’t get jet-lag…. and there the study was born…. just a thought. It definitely would explain it.

    miss.cinders recently posted Today There is no Vomit - OH YEAH!.

  28. And on quite possibly the most disturbing side note of the evening, all this hamster erection talk gives me a extremely disturbing idea on the use of those the mechnical hamsters they sell at CVS “zhu-zhu pets’.

    What? Like you never wondered why anyone would ever buy a vibrating hamster toy for a kid. Don’t hate the player, hate the disturbed manufacturer….

    LA Juice recently posted Bring Your Sex Hat- We’re Going Streaking in the Quad.

  29. Wow. Now I just wish my husband was out of town more.

    Pauline recently posted Seafaring Sunday: Lights and Links.

  30. Time in Utah provokes discussions of viagra fueled hamster erections, just sayin’.

  31. What you really need is a diet coke can cozy in the shape of a hamster.

    Laura recently posted This Is Not a Book Review (Modernist Cuisine: The Art and Science of Cooking).

  32. I just love your blog so very much.

  33. If I have a dream about sex & hamsters with tiny erections I am SO blaming you.

  34. Haha, unfortunately the reality was much less expensive and not quite as funny….but still cool!

    In response to some personal reports that Viagra helps reduce jet lag, apparently among geriatric frequent fliers, they took some hamsters and put them in a closed room with controlled lighting. They would suddenly change the schedule of the lighting by some hours, and then record how long it took the hamsters to switch their sleep schedules to the new lighting schedule. The hamsters on Viagra took significantly less time to synchronize with the new lighting schedule.

    Which is weird. And cool. But weird.

  35. They’re making a movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal about these hamsters, it’s called “Love and other Rodents”.

    Phoenix Talon recently posted We Interrupt this Travel Blog....

  36. I love that even when you are semi-conscious you can find the brainspace to write about hamsters with erections. In fact do you ever write when you’re awake? Maybe I’d be funnier if I started sleep-typing? Or did you try the viagra (in the name of science of course) and not tell anyone?

    Nicole x

    Nicole @ myIdeaLife recently posted One blind housewife.

  37. Just when I thought it was safe to start flying again!

    Steve Bennett recently posted Finding Something To Smile About.

  38. I love your blog! But the diet coke thing has me sad. There should be a law that people who NEED diet coke just to think should have it, at all times.

    I will come up with some good signs for that. I would also picket with you, other than the whole holding a sign, and saying silly stuff over and over, oh and the weather thing too. I don’t like weather.

  39. One time, at a dinner party once, I engaged in a drunken conversation with a guy about how awesome it would be if we buried teeny-tiny petrol-powered planes that were seemingly piloted by hamsters (dressed in leather bomber jackets and goggles), so that in a 1000 years or so, someone would dig them up and be all WTF? Circa the year 2000, hamsters were evolved enough to fly petrol-powered planes??? WTF?

    After a bottle of wine or two, it seemed such a great idea, the day after, I wasn’t so sure. But NOW, now, I am back in the game, and think this is the awesome-ist idea ever, especially if those teeny-tiny hamster skeletons also had teeny-tiny erections. The person digging them up in a 1000 years or so, would TOTALLY be all WTF? about this discovery.

    I think I should stop now.

    The end.

    iampisspot recently posted You suck, Facebook..

  40. Hamsters. On a plane. FutherMukkin’ Hamsters on a plane!

    Just so long as I don’t sit on one of the things, I guess it would be OK tho. Just so long as the flights don’t last longer than 4 hours.

    BTW Jenny, while you were in Utah did you pick up a Sister Wife for you and Victor?

    ~EdT.

    EdT. recently posted <i>America’s Next Great Restaurant:</i> R.I.P., Soul Daddy.

  41. I think I was on that flight ….

  42. I wonder what each viagra for the hampsters costs and if the special hampster health insurance covers it.

    And to think that I don’t have a job…………..now I’m can spend the day coming up with something stupid that I can get a massive grant for. I’m leaning toward ‘Watching daytime tv kills braincells faster than shooting up heroin”.

    Amy recently posted Happy Anniversary To The Love Of My Life.

  43. You know the most amazing things.

    Brenna recently posted It's an acquired taste.

  44. Meanwhile, gerbils with erectile dysfunction trying to join the mile-high club everywhere are all, like, “those fucking hamsters have all the luck.”

    moooooog35 recently posted In the Far East, They're Called "Regos".

  45. 45
    pinatasgotthebat

    The only travelling my childhood hamster ever did was in a clear plastic ball around my livingroom!
    WHERE exactly are these little fuckers going on a PLANE?!

  46. I’m not sure how you can be seriously jet-lagged with only an hour’s difference in the time zones. I do that Utah to Houston to Utah at least annually and it never bothers me.

  47. Hamster erection studies are WAY more important than things like cancer research, absolutely.

  48. Bahahahahahaha Now I’ll never get the “jet-lagged humping hampsters” visual out of my head. There goes my work day!

    Abby recently posted My street cred is dead ya'll.

  49. I just discovered this blog over the weekend when someone sent me Big Metal Chicken. I laughed my butt off, and now I’m doing so again, over hamsters!
    http://www.cultofhotness.com

  50. I’m more amazed by the fact that hamsters get jet lag. Hamsters sleep like 20 hours a day! Regardless of their location. So not only were people pumping hamsters full of viagra, they were torturing them with sleep deprivation! I gotta contact PETA.

    Rachel recently posted I really do need to start watching Doctor Who so I can understand these things.

  51. I think it’s best not to think about Hamsters, Airport Security, and Viagra at the same time. Don’t give the TSA any more ideas.

    “We’re going to need you to step behind the screen and remove your clothing. Bob, grab me one of the Viagra Hamsters would ya? “

    Angie H recently posted Everything- Facebook Repost.

  52. hamsters are nocturnal, so they sleep when it’s light *generally*. i don’t know how a hamster would be affected by a change in time zones because they just sleep when they’re tired. seriously, i used to breed dwarf hamsters and they sleep most of the day, spend a couple of hours running in the damn wheel at night, and eat/sleep the rest of the night. and occasionally eat one of their babies. so, if a hamster were to travel from, say, new york to california, with one of us, WE would be jet-lagged, but the hamster would be all like ‘oh, extra time to sleep? i’ll run in the wheel later’. and then on the trip back, WE would be jet-lagged, and the hamster would think ‘ergh, i guess it’s time to pretend to run and hunt for my food in that squeaky wheel. i’ll run for an extra few hours tonight because i feel like it’s dark a bit early’.

    the practical upshot of this is that i am no scientist, but i am quite sure that hamsters do not experience jet-lag. they do get teeny hamster erections, to have sex. i can’t imagine measuring it though. it like sucks back into their body when they’re not erect.

    male hamsters do get HUGE testes though. especially syrian hamsters. their balls drag around behind them and i hate it.

    steph gas recently posted are you there, goddess? it's me, stephanie..

  53. No wonder those horny little bastards are always running around that wheel in the middle of the night after returning from a 19 hour flight to Bora Bora.

    The Woman Formerly Known As Beautiful recently posted Did Gwyneth Paltrow Steal My Life?.

  54. When I flew with my family to Jamaica (from Toronto), I fell asleep eating dinner…true story. Rob helped me by eating my steak and then waking me up so I could walk back to our room, he made me take the kids back with me and he went out and partied… What would I ever do without him?

  55. if this study gets out there will be a lot of dad’s suggestion hamsters as pets.

    clevelandpoet recently posted What I learned last week: 6/3-6/10.

  56. I…there are no words. Hamster Viagra…what next? Cuttlefish Zanax? Giraffe prozac?
    There’s no hope for humanity, people.

    Dangerboy recently posted 5 Things I Think, July 11.

  57. How do they even know the hamsters do or do not have jet lag? I think it was just some pervert trying to molest hamsters in the name of science. Just like Bill Nye.

    John B recently posted I hate summer..

  58. I feel bad for those stupid hamsters. And the cure for jet-lag is a nap. Seriously, what a waste of money.

    emily illinois recently posted I don't have a mullet and a shitty face.

  59. The viagra only works on the smaller hamsters for jetlag, for the larger hamsters and guinea pigs of all sizes, a shot of whisky folowed by something with curry tends to do the trick….

    brahm (alfred lives here) recently posted Welcome to the Gaybourhood....

  60. Ummmm…forget it. It’s all been said.

    All Fooked Up recently posted In which Daniel takes Asia.

  61. I wish we could “thumbs up” comments on your blog posts. You get the best comments! You inspire!

  62. LOL – thank you for making a crappy Monday morning a little less crap-full.

  63. So I just have to say, simply because the hamster’s erection looks tiny to YOU doesn’t means it’s a tiny HAMSTER erection. My hamster assures me that his erection is actually rather intimidating to female hamsters, and also that it’s a perfectly normal response to licking peanut butter off my finger. Though now he has some kind of hamster penus complex, and I just spent time letting him know that his comically tiny erection is nothing to be ashamed of, also I’m out of peanut butter, so thanks.

    K recently posted ALL the butts..

  64. When I was getting treatment for my SKIN CANCER (which I had, skin cancer, that is) one of the things that kept me strong was knowing that scientists were working on hamster jet lag. So thanks for mocking that. I’m now going to relapse probably.

    Marinka recently posted Citizen’s Arrest.

  65. Why hamsters? Don’t they usually test science shit on guinea pigs? Does nobody care about my guinea pig’s erectile disfunction / jet lag? Inconsiderate assholes.

    Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted I hope Hubby and I are that happy after 60 years.

  66. Sooo…. What did they do for the female hamsters?

    Eric recently posted Hard To Find A Good Squid.

  67. What if a hamster has an erection lasting four hours or longer?

    "Susan Says..." recently posted Head Case Betty.

  68. Thanks a lot for making me feel like my pets are completely lame. HAMSTERS are enjoying air travel and (presumably) exploring exotic locales with their pharmaceutical-induced erections, and all my rabbit ever does is chew on the walls and hide under my bed when the fire alarm goes off. Even my horse just eats a lot of hay. His life is SO BORING.

    Also, it’s depressing because those hamsters TOTALLY GET TO TRAVEL MORE THAN I DO. They also do more drugs. I’m wasting my youth while hamsters live large.

    Brittany recently posted High-Decibel Drama (if only I were badass).

  69. Hahaha ew, tiny hamster erections.

    So does that mean female hamsters get no relief?

  70. Hamsters get all the fun!

    Jeane recently posted Monday Escapism.

  71. Dude…. hamster erection studies? Can I be a researcher……but like not in a pervy way. Because that sounds pretty pervy… Ya know what? In a pervy way. Let me know when a grant is found.

    Ninja Mike recently posted Diary of a Ninja-For me, not for you-rather you not read this....

  72. Where did they take the slightly aroused hamsters? BANGKOK, of course! Duh.

    Ryan (The Woven Moments) recently posted The Backwards Plan.

  73. Who knew people would have so much insight to leave over 60 comments about hamster erections. What is this world coming to?

  74. So someone had to go into work today and say “Today scientists we are going to focus on curing jet lag in Hampsters. Who has any ideas on how to stop jet lag?” More importantly who was the GENIUS who blurted out Let’s try viagra… and was he secretly hoping that they could take home some free samples?

  75. Huh. Viagra. Is there anything it CAN’T do?

    Angela@BeggingTheAnswer recently posted Influencing Children's Television Programming, One Passive-Agressive Letter At A Time.

  76. Jenny….thou art genius!!!!

  77. @#34-Jason
    “In response to some personal reports that Viagra helps reduce jet lag, apparently among geriatric frequent fliers, they took some hamsters and put them in a closed room with controlled lighting.”

    Anyone else find “geriatric frequent fliers” on viagra ewwwwwwwwww-inducing? Puts a whole new interpretation on what I thought were groans of arthritic pain from the grey-haired seatmate on my last flight.

    I’m going to hose out my brain, now.

  78. F***ing hysterical!!!!
    Love your blog!

  79. @Pisspot – Fabulous fucking idea! I love it, and I’ll totally hop in on helping you with that shit. If everyone on this blog buries one little hamster corpse with a mini plane, it will make it so much more believable.

    Anna recently posted Real Conversation, Random Dude From High School.

  80. Word. Scientists ARE high all the time. Or dealing with their own things. One thing is for certain. I am NOT giving my husband Viagra every time he goes out of town. That would NOT work on so many levels I can’t begin to name them.

  81. Poor horny hamsters… they must have the teeniest blue balls ever.

    Hamlet's Mistress recently posted BlogHer…. 13.

  82. By the end of the study, the hamsters numbers had multiplied exponentially due to their drug induced, completely refreshed, sex crazed state of mind. Put THAT in one of your eyebrow waggling commercials, Viagra!

    Mrs. Mustache recently posted Return to the Sea!.

  83. @Les – I’m trying to imagine the cheers your fans did… GO DINKIES! GO DINKIES!
    Just think…if you had had Viagra back then how high those little birdies could have flown!

    whimzee recently posted Mystery Monday #4.

  84. I’m going to have sweet dreams tonight!!

    Jax recently posted Lessons Learned.

  85. Hamster erections…. ew. I feel like I want to go shower that combination of words off my skin.
    If I had any money, I would send it to you. All I can offer is this ball of lint and this button that I found in my pocket. Sorry. If it is any consolation, I wish I were richer.

    Johi recently posted I'm a sweet as a fresh summer peach. Well, I will be tomorrow..

  86. Wait… if scientists are now doing their tests on hamsters, what happened to all the mice? Or is it that mice are untouched by jet lag? If so, who did that test? And whoever it was, how could they tell if they were jet lagged or not? Maybe they were simply lazy hamsters. Or perhaps they were Italian and are quite partial to a nice fiesta… Do hamsters stay awake for as long as humans?

    Damn, I was against animal testing until all these questions popped into my brain, now all I want to do is poke at some small mammals.

  87. Not to state the wildly obvious or anything, but they will have just changed when the lights come on and off in the hamster room to simulate jet lag.

    And while everyone wants a cure for cancer, but there is no reason to use this to criticize the activities of researcher seeking a cure of jet lag any more than someone who spends there time, say, working on a cure for insomnia or even writing/reading blogs…

    [/buzzkill]

  88. The Involuntarily-Aroused Hamsters would be a kickass band name.

    Also, I just want you to know that over the last few weeks I have studiously read all 134 pages of your blog while at my internship. This is because I have very little understanding of what I’m supposed to be doing, as my supervisor speaks very heavily-accented English and I don’t want to offend her by saying “Sorry, what?” a million times per sentence. So after three weeks of excruciatingly small levels of actual work, I can say that I still know nil about technical writing, but now I’m quite enlightened about zombie apocalypses, which will probably be a lot more useful anyway. So thank you.

    Um, I had a point, but I forgot it, so here’s a picture of a hamster on a swing. I wish I could photoshop in an erection, but I’m still at “work” and I think they’re against animal testing here: http://cuteoverload.com/2011/06/24/hi-ya-a-little-help-here/

  89. i want to know what other drugs they tried on the hamsters before they got to the viagra.

  90. Now, see, this is the kind of info you should have had BEFORE going to Utah. Judging by the comments, it’s a great convention topic.

  91. YES! now all i need is some viagra, and my jet-lag from my imaginary flight to europe is CURED!

    seriously, what’s wrong with a day or two to just nap, and fix it the normal way?
    instead, we have boner pills. BONER PILLS! now that’s an invention that just shouldn’t exist. NO ONE needs a 4 hour boner. their wives, girlfriends, or boyfriends are probably traumatized and crying in their bathrooms after a few hours of that crazy.

  92. 92
    A. Scientist

    But cancer is HARD, man. Curing horny hamsters of jet-lag is a little easier, you know? Plus there’s that HPV vaccine now so technically we’ve prevented ONE kind of cancer…

    Dammit, this was going to be a funny comment. But I know too much about new cancer technologies :(
    Cancer starts with a few demented cells (I think), so it’s probably not going to ever be cured.
    But you’re more likely to survive it now with all the booby-feeling, doctor-visiting, treatments that make you less sick than chemo… we’re totally not lazy or playing with bunsen burners or making crystal meth or anything…

  93. For someone who has nothing funny to say, you’re pretty hilarious. I’m so glad I found your blog.

  94. I hope at least that they didn’t bring that hamster alone on the flight with no way to…er….take care of his little problem. I have to say, though, that my MOM was proscribed viagra, although it escapes me why…

  95. When I was a child I had a per hamster that I walked on a homemade leash. I made the leash out of a leather circle that had a smaller circle cut into the center for the hamster’s head. There was a string attached that I could hold on to while “walking” my hamster. Often times he would run under the couch, where I obviously couldn’t follow (duh), which would inevitable lead to him almost choking himself out halfway under the sofa. Maybe he scored some viagra from a scientist friend and developed an erotic asphyxia fetish? It could happen.

  96. I had something witty to say, but then it ran off, much like a hamster with an erection and no jet lag would.

    Oh yes. How did they know the hamsters had jet lag to begin with? Pretty sure I’ve never seen hamsterian written down – it’s a complex tongue – so the hamsters didn’t fill out surveys…

  97. When I was an undergrad, I was in a grad class in Paleoecology (which I had no business taking) and one of my fellow students did a presentation on a study on how Sea Turtles find their way to nesting sites. Basically they captured them at the nesting ground before they laid their eggs, tagged them with GPS chips, and then took them way out in the ocean where I assume they put blind folds on them and spun them around to disorient them. They then let the poor dizzy pregnant turtles back into the ocean so they could follow their movements. Not surprisingly the made it back to the nesting ground. I would guess they were also pretty pissed. I actually raised my hand and said “So a grant funded some scientists to confuse the hell out of pregnant turtles.” That didn’t go over well but I couldn’t stop laughing.

  98. “DIET COKE, NOT HAMPSTER DINKS” There’s your picket sign, oh Bloggess.

  99. I’m feeling bad for the little female hamster, sitting beside the horned-up guy hamster who’s trying to get busy under an airplane blanket.

  100. I have to say, I’m on Team Airport Security. I can totally see how a diet coke and 3 ounces of eye drops are more dangerous than a doped up hamster. Totally.

  101. What is society doing to our pets? Kittens on smack, hamsters on viagra. We need animal rehab. Stat.

  102. rats are the smartest of all rodents!

    hamsters are? not that smart at all.Get a rat.

    But cute hamster

  103. –>I work near the PeTA HQ, I wondrer if they know about this.

  104. So glad you’re back, Jenny!

  105. Seems there are a lot of ‘off label’ uses for viagra. Doctors are giving it to my granddaughter who just had a double lung transplant to help keep her new alveoli functioning. I heartily approve any kind of testing they might have done on hamsters to make this possible – even if it involved flying them first class to L.A. to suck smog through a straw.

  106. Nothing beats a hamster hard-on.

    Julie
    ilikebeerandbabies.blogspot.com

  107. Now I have to go research hamster erections. Thanks for that!

  108. “…there were a bunch of people flying hamsters with tiny erections…”

    My hamster, who happens to be hung like a stallion, takes exception. Did you actually look at or measure these hamster erections? Thought not.

  109. I’ll bet Richard Gere would be extremely interested in helping with this type of hamster research.

    Sidecarsally.com

  110. I’ll bet Richard Gere would be extremely interested in helping with this kind of hamster research!

  111. The downside of not reading comments is realizing that your Richard Gere joke was not original.

  112. Please make a t-shirt that says, “Stop Judging Me.” I would totally buy it!

  113. My hubby travels regularly, and I’m starting to think that maybe he had something to do with this study. It would be just like him to come home and be all “honey, I keep having horrible jet lag, but you know what cures that? Viagra! No, really, it’s been scientifically proven . . . . Now, what should we do for the next 4 hours or so, hmmmm?”

    Bastard.

  114. Well, I think now we know why airfare costs are rising for those of us who aren’t free-loading horny hamsters. I, for one, am outraged.

  115. You should create a short movie “Men Who Stare at Hamsters” with a spin on “Men Who Stare at Goats” except yours would be way more funny!

  116. This is awesome news! Now I can chicks who find my pills in the medicine cabinet that they’re for jet lag! (Chicks dig dudes who travel.) But how can I explain my penis enlarger?

  117. Interesting. I wonder if the hamsters aren’t an issue because they can’t collectively ejaculate over the 3oz. maximum.

    Did I just type that? Of, fuck it. SUBMIT!

  118. If they hate your hamsters, I can only imagine how they would feel about my meth-lab running guinea pigs. Granted, the 8 of them haven’t tried to fly since the tragic hang gliding incident of ’04, but still…

    The mind reels.

  119. Now that we’ve met in person I feel bad being a lurker here, so here’s my official first comment.

    Thanks for coming to evo! I loved your ignite talk. You could tell everyone was like, Zombies, really? And then they started being zombies and found the little kid in their hearts (that’s figurative, not like a little doll pumping your heart). Also, it’s good that you didn’t bring hamster viagra to evo because one thing Mormons don’t need is help having more kids. The next time you come, I’ll totally hook you up with my private stock of libations.

  120. “flying hamsters with tiny erections” seems to be the phrase that makes me snort giggle a swallow of soft drink before spewing said fluid all over my carpet. Thanks a lot.

  121. I find it interesting that it’s just the hamsters who are getting free off-label erections.

    Are scientists racist against cats? Because I think cats would enjoy more sleep + erections.

    Dogs are on their own, though, because dogs ALWAYS have erections.

  122. It’s amazing how even your not funny posts make me laugh out loud. I think you need to add a warning to tell people not to drink coke while they read your blog because they might spew coke all over their keyboard.

  123. I think you’re dramatically underestimating how much people can get away with in the name of science. If you could think of a way to connect putting roadkill on sticks and making it dance outside of peoples windows with curing huntington’s disease, the federal government would probably give you thousands of dollars to pay for tiny costumes and a camera. If you just get a little creative, people will throw money at you, except you’ll also expected to produce some viable result that is sort-of related to huntington’s. So there’s that.

  124. Did you know that Viagra is also sometimes used as a fertility treatment…for WOMEN? It’s good for increasing blood flow to the uterus. What’s good for the penis is good for the uterus (except maybe particular kinds of kinky sex toys.)

  125. 125
    piscesinphoenix

    Picket Sigh Verbage: HELP STAMP OUT VIAGRA ABUSE BY HAMSTERS. You could start up a non-profit for the effort and rake in a ton of non-taxable money, hire a bunch of college students to run the copy machine and make donation calls, get little old ladies to knit and quilt useless stuff to sell at charity bazaars for the ’cause.’ It’s a joke, of course….or maybe not……

  126. I knew I should have gone to school for “science” instead of “liberal arts.” What was I thinking?

  127. You inspired me to Photoshop. Again. When I should be knitting a 4-foot fucking robot.

    Damn you.

    Check your email.

  128. @Kella…Screw knitting a 4-foot robot. Knit a 4-foot hamster on viagra!!!!!

  129. Talk about snakes on a plane if they actually start prescribing this for jet-lag. It does pose some interesting questions, though. How much would this increase the number of cases of “jet-lag,” especially among men? Would women want to be trapped on a plane with a bunch of horny (more so than normal) men? Would these men be required to sit in a separate and perhaps secured section of the plane? Would women interested in a hook-up be allowed into that section of the plane? How much would this increase membership in the mile high club? More study is needed.

  130. Jenny, you are my hero! You bring much needed laughter into my life.

  131. Who would even think to give hamsters than medicine?!

  132. 132
    GutterCherry

    Hi, You’ve posted before about having very bad arthritis, I just read this post that you drink diet coke. Have you ever seen the documentary Sweet Misery? It’s about aspartame and there were some people discussing their debilitating arthritis being connected to the diet sodas they drank for years. Of course it’s a little more involved than that, but you might be very interested health-wise. It’s worth a Google of it anyway.

  133. Wasn’t there flying hamsters with tiny erections in Wizard of Oz? Oh wait, those were monkeys. Yeah, that makes much more sense.

  134. Right in the middle of reading about hamsters with tiny erection being flown to exotic location I looked over and saw my 10 year old sister watching the movie G-Force. I started laughing and my sip of Pepsi fell out of my mouth onto my white shirt. That’s what I get for reading this blog when I was supposed to try do homework. Again.

    Jamie recently posted My Subconscious Has Declared War....

  135. I love your store. Please please please make this:
    http://www.zazzle.com/its_funny_because_its_true_business_card-240031291642484561

    into a t-shirt, too? I really want to wear that one to work.

  136. Hamsters with jet lag? I don’t even own a passport…(sad, I know) but now I am really depressed to think that rodents get to travel more than I do. I gotta get out of the house more!

  137. I think I’ve been searching for my get rich quick scheme in the wrong place. Hamsters + Viagra = $$!

    Leslie recently posted CONGRATULATIONS!!.

  138. If I may speak for hamsters, “What makes you think it was tiny ?”
    I’ve never actually seen an erection on a hamster but I wouldn’t belittle them because I have seen an erection on a warthog at the zoo. Whoa Nelly bar the door! There has to be a connection between HAMsters and wartHOGS.

  139. Poor little hamsters, scientists inducing jet-lag then treating with viagra, the little guys didn’t know if they were cuming or going. Wait, for hamsters that may be one in the same. A true ‘RedEye’ all nighter. Bet they still slept most of the next day.

  140. 140
    Tina Richerson

    This is interesting because according to Southwest Airlines hamsters are not an FAA approved cabin pet. I found this out while waiting to board a plane in Houston because there was a little girl trying to bring her pet hamster on the plane, and they couldn’t let her board with the hamster. She was safely carrying the critter in a cage, which was her downfall. I suspect these scientists smuggled them on board in their coat pockets…or, God forbid, Richard Gear style–a trick they might have picked up from drug smugglers.

  141. Laughed so hard the tears ran down my leg.

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