UPDATED: The trials and tribulations of Ferris Mewler (self-proclaimed “Fabio of Cats”)

Obligatory pictures of my cat:

Ferris Mewler: "Rowr."

Ferris  Mewler:  “I am trying to seduce you. Is it working?”

me:  “No. It’s not working. Because I’m married.  And you’re a *cat*.”

Ferris Mewler: “You’ll come around eventually.  I’m like a damn Adonis.”

me: “Please stop this.  You’re making us all uncomfortable.”

Ferris Mewler: “I am the Eric Northman of Cats.  Worship me.”

me: “You’re not allowed to watch True Blood anymore.”

"What the FUCK, lady?"

 

UPDATED:  Several of you are not big vampire fans and are confusing True Blood’s Eric Northman with South Park’s Eric Cartman.  Which is ridiculous, because why would my cat pretend to be a cartoon character?  That’s fucking ludicrous, y’all.

It's sort of uncanny. Plus, Ferris' fangs are real. AND he has six nipples. And one time he got into my rainy-day crafts drawer and was covered in glitter for *weeks*. My cat is totally the next sexy vampire.

Someone get my cat an agent.

205 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Those steamfresh veggies are amazing. Your cat has good taste. 😉

    Like

    Stephanie recently posted I’ve got tiger blood and Adonis DNA.

  2. Cats are so seductive. Weirdos.

    (Love ‘Ferris Mewler’)

    Like

    Kristen recently posted Morning conversations..

  3. Hahaha…that reminds me of this link which i think you’ll enjoy: http://www.damncoolpictures.com/2011/04/best-of-cats-chillin.html

    You can thank me later

    Like

    Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) recently posted In which i rant about bumper stickers.

  4. Wow, he’d get along perfectly with my female husky. (Is she a bitch if she’s spayed? definitely bitchy, but can’t reproduce.) She’s always layin’ around on her back with her legs spread… it’s embarrassing!

    Like

    Teresa M. Owen recently posted Turpy the Clown, Sweaters as Legwarmers, Blog Bloat.

  5. Poor Ferris. You should totally get him neuticles, so even though he doesn’t HAVE balls anymore, he’ll still look like he does and the other cats won’t tease him. You know how bad cats tease each other about their lack of testicles!

    Like

    Laynie recently posted Dr.'s Remedy Hot Hot Hot Summer 2011 Collection- ON ME!.

  6. My cat, Pearl the Asshole, wants to hook up. Does Ferris Mewler have a fb page?

    Like

    Jessica K recently posted Wine Cork Board.

  7. I remember a 3 year old daughter of a friend after their cat was snipped.
    She got a quizzical look on her face, held both palms up at her sides to indicate a question of grand gravitas and said…
    “Kitty no balls?”
    We laughed for 5 minutes.

    Like

    Dangerboy recently posted Five Things I Think, 18 July.

  8. LOL – you are not right. I needed that this morning.

    Like

  9. my cat (Bailey) just licked my laptop screen…i think she likes what she saw! ME-OWWWW!!

    Like

  10. So sweet! Love ferris mewler’s attitude. He is totally the the Eric Northman of Cats… Even without his manliness…

    Like

  11. 11
    Procrastinateher

    Oh, so it’s not just my cat that is sexually inappropriate then? I think that is a good thing to know.

    I think I’ll start a group for people like us. It will be a lot more fun than other kinds of those groups, because sexually abusive kittens are adorable.

    Like

  12. Please tell me he said the word vaginal at LEAST once.

    Like

    Lady B recently posted Forget the stupid penguin. It’s backpack wasn’t that cool anyway..

  13. I always think my cat Benjamin Franklin is talking to me with a british accent, sometimes it is like a hardcore rapper as I am pretty sure he has split personality. Seriously, cat’s are think they are hots for sure.

    Like

  14. My cat does the same damn thing!

    Like

  15. Ooooooh Eric Northman. That man, um, vamp does things to me. Sneaky things.
    If a human and a cat have babies, are they humittens? Or Rabbans?

    Like

    Allyn recently posted Wasted Wednesdays: Things To Try.

  16. Ah yes, I remember the frozen peas well.

    Please tell Ferris Mewler that we’re sorry for his loss.😉

    Like

    ShredderFeeder recently posted Which home is home?.

  17. When I took my cat to get de-balled, I thought he’d be under the weather for a few days. Nope, he bounced up and out of that box right away once we got home, and started chasing the other cat around just like usual. We think the vet took his tonsils by mistake.

    Like

  18. Anybody that says neuticles are a good thing has a problem, Laynie. I’m just sayin’.

    And congrats on having a ball-less cat! I always look forward to neuter day!

    Like

    Amanda recently posted Ch-ch-ch-changes.

  19. –>Makes me glad I have a sweet yellow lab at home named Sandy Paws. (We live in a beach town.)

    Like

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  20. I will never look at Steamfresh veggie bags in the same way. Ever. Again.

    Like

    Becky recently posted Here’s a Total Non Sequitur.

  21. 3 words— I LOVE YOU!

    Like

  22. OMG. This isn’t the 15 year old fake dying cat is it?! Those tweets made my night.

    (Nope. The dying cat is Posey. He lost his testicles many, many years ago. ~ Jenny)

    Like

    John B recently posted planking and owling, your time is up..

  23. lol…looks like a thinner version of my cat, wesley stripes:)

    Like

  24. tell ferris mewler that i said that he has nice bedroom eyes. MEOWZA!

    Like

    emily illinois recently posted I don't have a mullet and a shitty face.

  25. My daughters dog was lying in front of the fan yesterday on her back with her back legs spread…she is for sure a little bitch and also apparently a whore..and she is only 7 months old…and she liked the feel of that fan blowing on her naughty parts. We are going to have problems, I just know it.

    Like

  26. A timely post since I just the moment retrieved Hugh Beaumont (aka Jimmy) from the vet for his “pruning”. We’d get him neuticals, but I’m afraid I don’t have the energy for the legal action we’ll have to file after it’s discovered that cat implants are just as dangerous as the ones women use. But with more hair.

    Like

    Schadenfreude Warehouse recently posted Where Should I Start?.

  27. How could you resist that???

    Like

    Jamie recently posted Hiding things from Tim.

  28. 28
    I needed a good laugh - and found you

    If only I could be the peas that lay on Eric Northman. Yummy!

    Poor kitty will live to rue the day again. Viva el gato!

    Like

  29. I’ll never look at my male cat the same again. Or my Birds Eye vegetables.

    Like

  30. There’s a pussy joke in here somewhere that I’m too tired to extract…

    Like

    Leslie recently posted Wow.....

  31. HAHAHAHAHA!

    Like

  32. Okay, you are going to probably think I’m crazy and roll around on the floor laughing at me, but I recently found your blog and fell in love with it. I was nominated to post my 7 favorite links by http://www.healthytippingpoint.com and was super excited. I then nominated you. I don’t know what got into me but I think it was the percocet. I know you are like the queen of the blog world and there is no reason whatsoever for you to oblige. But basically , you post your 7 fave links then nominate 4 or 5 people. I just posted mine and I would wet myself if you stopped by, read mine and reposted. I know I sound like a nut job..and its true, I am…but dont let that deter you…it could be your random act of kindness of the year:) Pllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeee?

    Like

  33. My cat tries to sleep inside our clothes. Its disconcerting to say the least, but sometimes in the winter it kinda feels nice, which makes me even more disturbed. I don’t need two pussies in my skirt, thank you very much, cat.

    Like

  34. In the first picture, is he actually rubbing his own stomach? Because that would just be a cliche.

    Like

    Megan recently posted Marbled.

  35. please tell me I’m not the only person who “heard” Ferris using a smarmy Latin accent above.

    Like

    Balanced Idjit recently posted Vagina Dialogues.

  36. I don’t think I can let my cat read your blog today because he’s having the same surgery soon.

    Like

    Karen recently posted Wait? You're supposed to use a cell phone to talk to people?.

  37. it is indeed disturbing how much that cat reminds me of Eric Northman. Good thing I hate vampires and the shows that love them.

    Like

    LA Juice recently posted Nobody Beats The Wiz.

  38. Awesome name. I have decided to name my next cat Meow Zedong .

    Julie
    ilikebeerandbabies.blogspot.com

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    Julie recently posted I think my family needs a witchdoctor. STAT..

  39. Man, your cat is crazy sexy. Balls or no, he’s got it going on.

    Like

    That Uncomfortable Itch recently posted I'm pretty sure that empty spot in hell is reserved for me.

  40. I know that I post this same comment on many of your post, or at least I think it to myself, and I want you to know that the tone of my comment/thought is total admiration but, seriously, WHO THINKS LIKE THIS????

    Like

  41. HAHAHA Cats are soooo lovely!

    He’s really handsome, eh!? He’s totally hilarious!

    Like

    Cai recently posted A Wish – Reaching out to help children in CRIBS Foundation.

  42. I think Ferris Mewler would get along famously with my Basset Hound, Whiskey. She lives showing her nether bits. She’s like a basset hound Anna Nicole. Only she’s not drunk, or crazy, or you know… Dead.

    Like

  43. Loves, not lives. Fucking autocorrecting phone.

    Like

    Untypically Jia recently posted Let's Talk About Sex.

  44. hahaha poor Fabio! Kind of…

    Jenna

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    Jenna recently posted The Nursery.

  45. My female cats lay spread eagle on the floor at night. At least they know to lay like that off the furniture!

    Like

    Rea recently posted Why I'm jealous of my cat & Our house is trying to kill all electronics in it!.

  46. I have to assume he’s packing something worth showing off. Oh, the catmanity.

    Like

    Kitten Thunder's Girl recently posted The Feline Heat Index.

  47. True story: when I rescued my kitty from a life of scavenging scraps from a dumpster outside my college apartment, I thought he had balls. Big swingin’ ones. When I took him to the vet to get him neutered, thinking it would keep him from peeing in my boyfriend’s shoes, the vet cupped them in his hand *very* gently and said, “Well, ma’am. Someone’s beat me to the job.” Turns out a previous owner had neutered him but left the, ahem, sac so that the cat would feel more masculine.

    And did you know that they make silicone testicle implants for neutered pets? Not even joking.

    Like

    Chelsie recently posted Someone hold muh earrings. This could get ugly..

  48. My wife was kind enough to buy frozen peas for me when she had me snipped. Probably because I never posed like that.

    Like

  49. That’s one sexy cat. Now I don’t feel so bad about publicizing photos of my mentally handicapped FEMALE dog humping her brother’s pride away.

    Like

    Abby recently posted Monkey see, Monkey do WHAT?!.

  50. Mewler…Mewler….Mewler… – quote from Ferris Mewler’s day off.

    Like

    maddie recently posted at least a sleeping baby thinks i’m funny.

  51. Ha! My cat would be all over that!

    Like

    Jenn recently posted Getting my Pretty on with the gloMinerals gloShimmer Brick!.

  52. At first glance I thought the tail was something else and was screaming (in my head) “What the HELL is WRONG with your CAT?!?!?!?!”

    Thanks for that! :-)

    Like

    Nicole recently posted The Mint Julep.

  53. Started reading your blog about a month ago and OMG LOVE it!!!!! Can’t believe you got your cat to be so subdued like that.

    Like

  54. Aside from the eyes, he looks just like my late cat Minou did.

    He was never splayed until after I had him fixed – as if to say, “Do you see something missing here? Cause I’ve seen the dog, and I can’t help but feel he’s got something I don’t.” Fuzzy guilt trips are surprisingly easy to take, actually.

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    Dawne recently posted The healing power of childish antics.

  55. 55
    cavalier queen

    An Eric Northman reference… I’ll read your posts just because, but dragging Eric Northman in, well… that just makes it even more perfect. I have an active imagination WRT Eric Northman, using your cat’s ummm position as fuel for my EN fantasy starts my morning off right. A little crack fic I have going about how Eric rocks Sunday nights, or should…http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5173533/21/While_Awaiting_Sunday

    Like

  56. That is awesome!! My cat just looks at us like he would rather be dead than listening to our coo’s! Lol. Good job Kitty!!

    *´¨)
    ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ (¸.•`*SANDI

    http://craftsbysandi.blogspot.com/

    Like

  57. Your cat looks like my old cat, Dude (that was his name). But in that picture, he looks more like GOB Bluth. #RIParresteddevelopment

    Like

    Lori Dyan recently posted Are You a Bitch or a Pussy?.

  58. My cat used to finish my martinis when I wasn’t looking, so he was hardly ever in a seductive mood. Doesn’t mead he didn’t like to publicly air his little tommy parts though. Now my greyhound is a completely different story…and she’s got the legs to make it interesting.

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    Jonah Gibson recently posted The Mother Lode of Righteousness Satisfied.

  59. I’m laughing so hard, I have tears in my eyes. Those pics are too funny.

    Like

    Courtney recently posted courtney_bolton: @kltworld It's a trip to flavortown. Oh crap. I'm channeling @GuyFieri..

  60. Poor, poor Ferris. He’ll be happier in the long run, really. Sex just messes up a good relationship.

    Like

  61. Dear Ferris,
    You are so bad ass. I look forward to seeing you in a parade today wearing an oh-so-cute vest surrounded by leaderhosen wearing trampy kitties

    Like

  62. Why would someone EVER give their neuticles? I mean, what happens when your cat goes out into the world and the girl cats are all over him, because they want what he’s got going on. And then your cat and his lady friend get together and she finds out that they’re not real and she gets TOTALLY mad and spreads nasty rumours about your cat and makes his life miserable?
    This is how cat self-esteem issues happen.

    Like

  63. “I am the Eric Northman of cats.” LMAO That reminds me, I need to go watch True Blood (and stop reading blogs and go to my damn job already!).

    Like

    Marty J. Christopher recently posted Garden Update.

  64. As soon as you said Eric, I immidiately started noticing a different opinion of Ferris Mewler…suddenly became more attractive.

    I might need a moment thinking about Eric and Alcide now.

    Like

  65. 66
    Shawnalawnadingdong

    I thought kitty porn was illegal!

    Like

  66. As a lifelong dog person, I’m starting to see why I might actually need a cat.

    Like

    Emily Suess recently posted The Better Blogger Checklist.

  67. We have 3 slut puppies and 4 slut kitties in our household because every damned one of them poses like this. I have NO idea where they picked up that kind of behavior!

    And at first I read Ferris’s comment as “I’m the Eric CARTMAN of Cats” and thought “WTF? Even for Jenny’s house, that’s kinda strange.” But then I realized what he really said and it was all OK.

    Like

    Jami recently posted Sharing is caring.

  68. It is really sexy if you use Eric Northman’s voice in your head, but not so sexy when you use Ferris Bueller’s voice in your head. Just sayin’.

    Like

  69. Eric Northman of cats!!!!!! Go Viking Cat!

    Like

  70. I love love LOVE funny cat names that are puns. Like Ferris Mewler or Chairman Meow.

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    nadine recently posted This One's for the Curls.

  71. A snarky like-minded cat captioner: http://getoutoftherecat.tumblr.com/

    Like

  72. I find you deliciously random and I love it.

    Like

    SaraEllenAwesome recently posted My Mind has a Mind of it’s own….

  73. Everything about this just made my day.

    Like

  74. Eric Northman is totally hot. Your cat on the other hand has a certain ethereal quality that seems unmatched…

    Like

  75. That is both epic and disturbing. Love it!

    Like

    Beth recently posted Heartburn & Psychadelic Dreams.

  76. Once again, this is why we love you. Did Bird’s Eye pay you for that product endorsement?

    (No, but THEY TOTALLY SHOULD. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  77. I have a cat crash now. This does not bode well for me.

    Like

    Ericka @ Creative Liar recently posted Delivery..

  78. Nothing says sex like glitter and boil-in-bag frozen vegetables.

    NOTHING.

    Like

    Genevieve recently posted All Knocked Up, or, I Love How Slutty My Plants Are.

  79. Holy crap Ferris DOES do Eric better than Eric. LOVE it!!!

    Like

    Melis recently posted The Last Savage.

  80. I’m glad you labeled the pictures of Eric Northman and Ferris Mewler. Otherwise, there’s no way I would have been able to tell the difference.

    Like

    Allison recently posted The Best.

  81. AWESOME. My husband and I love True Blood and I love cats (he is allergic, but puts up with our two cats out of love) so this was fantabulous! (Fantastic/Fabulous):)

    Like

  82. You forgot to add that he can also lick his own privates. Just sayin’.

    Like

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  83. Eeek! Serious Eric Northman fan over here.. I so need a cat who channels the Viking vampire. Love this!

    Like

  84. My female dog is missing a nipple. She is very sensitive about it and would HATE that I just outed her on the internet. But in other news, my male dog totally has nipples ON his penis. He is quite proud of that fact.

    Like

    A Vapid Blonde recently posted FrankenBoob ©.

  85. 87
    Susan Cicero

    I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard as I have since a friend introduced me to your Blogodessness! It started with the iron rooster and now today your “sexy” cat. I too, have a cat (who cares?); her name is Diva and since Harley the Schnauzer came to live with us, I only see a bowl that she empties during the night …maybe she is becoming Sookie to your Eric. Can’t wait for your next post! Hugs from Dunwoody GA.

    Like

  86. I also have a cat crush. Meh.

    Like

    Ericka @ Creative Liar recently posted Delivery..

  87. I want a cat. SO much. And that second picture? He looks like he fully intends to fuck you up. So be careful. I would hate for your shit to get fucked up by the Eric not-Cartman of cats.

    Like

    Rachael recently posted Drinking and Blogging. How could this POSSIBLY go wrong?.

  88. I’m happy that you added the picture of Eric. He’s pretty hot and I love to look at him. (Not that your cat isn’t equally, although differently, appealing.)

    Like

    Jaime recently posted I’m really not against this toy. For reals..

  89. Good Lord, Eric Northman is freaking hot. Especially since he lost his memory! I just want to hug him and stroke his naive and innocent dead head and make everything better.

    Like

    tracey recently posted Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot..

  90. Funny stuff. But he’s not doing the leg-lifted junk-lick so he’s not all that sexy.

    Then again, Ferris isn’t doing it either so I think Ferris has got the look down pat.

    Like

    Diana recently posted Pelicans.

  91. 93
    Rumble Kitty

    Oh, thank you, thank you for referencing True Blood instead of Twilight for a change!! My day is made!

    But you know, if he really is a vampire…………….. they’re just gonna grow back!

    Like

  92. He may not be using his Mighty Cat Wang to impress YOU. He may be trying to reach your audience, since he knows you blog photos. He is totally clever like that.

    Like

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  93. I was able to schedule him a lunch date with The William MorrisTheCat Agency. Tell him to show up 15 min early.

    Like

    You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... recently posted K.I.T. Stay Cool!.

  94. 97
    cavalier queen

    Sorry, but NOBODY does Eric Northman better than Eric Northman, especially a naked Eric Northman.

    Like

  95. I love Eric Northman almost as much as I hate Kelly Ripa.

    http://bitchinsisters.wordpress.com/2011/07/14/sweaty-eyeballs-and-hooters-t-shirts/

    Like

    BitchBag recently posted This Week in Sports.

  96. A friend of mine is starring in the next Twilight.

    Which is embarrassing to admit because I actually cannot stand actors.

    But this particular actor will probably make a sexy vampire or werewolf or whatever. I think he’s a bad guy. Which is extra sexy. Or would be if it wasn’t in a poorly written movie about glittery fucking vampires.

    Like

    Brooke Farmer recently posted Belonging..

  97. I’m one of the not-vampire-fans and confused Eric Northman with Perter North, “The Cumshot Legend”.

    Like

  98. Ferris Mewler (who shares a name with my old roommate’s cat) is adorable and he is truly the next Fabio of cats. Eric Northman….*swoon*
    My cat Jin is also terribly showy-offy with his business. Cats are weird.

    Like

    Madfishmonger recently posted Vintage Long Pearly Necklace.

  99. Ferris is so much cooler than Eric!

    Heheh I love that he got into your craft drawer and glittered himself up. He’s a cat after my heart.

    Like

    Mandy recently posted FOTD: Browns and Orange.

  100. Saw the link and said out load “I really hope she is talking about her cat”. Was glad to see you are being responsible and chopping off his nuts!! Ginny Waesley ,my orange cat sitting between the keyboard and monitor said she is willing to leave her boyfriend, Harry J Potter for Ferris Mewler.

    Love a crazy ,
    Veterinary Technician and Mom to three

    Like

  101. Ferris Mewler is so damn sexy he just fixed my internet problems without. ever. trying!

    Since you switched to the new server/host/internetwordIdon’tactuallycareabout, I’ve only been able to see your posts in my reader but without pictures (boo-urns!). I knew you had enough shit to deal with (what with Victor not ‘getting’ Beyonce and all) so I just remained happy with the text.

    Today, I just really, really, really needed to see the pictures of Ferris Mewler channelling Eric Northman. When I clicked on the link, I didn’t get a gnarly 404! Tip of my hat, Ferris, for being so damn sexy even my computer will do whatever it takes to see your picture.

    Me(w)ow!!

    Like

    AndreaClaire recently posted Now Where's My Pocket Protector?.

  102. Glitter is the herpes of the craft world. For real.

    My cat poses like this but with less bedroom eyes and more I-plan-to-eat-you-while-you-sleep eyes. If there ever were such a thing.

    Like

    Kendahl recently posted Wordless Wednesday - oh deer..

  103. hahahaha This even had my husband laughing. It is pretty hard to be sexier than Eric Northman, but Ferris sooo pulled it off. My cats are no where close to this talented, all they do is lick themselves

    Like

    Heather recently posted Thankful Thursdays.

  104. Dear Bloggess,

    It has come to my attention that my current squeeze is not yet infatuated with you and your blog. This saddens me to no point because I honestly feel like you are A+++ and everybody should like you, even William Shatner (but I honestly prefer Leonard Nimoy, personally). It has put undue stress on the early beginnings of an awesome relationship. Because of this, it has been my mission to convince him you are amazeballs in all sorts of ways, at all costs, but also because I feel if he does not pay attention to your blog, he will be ill prepared for the zombie apocalypse and I like him too much to die from zombies.

    Btw, instead of being afraid of nuclear wolves, I have devised that you should raise and train the nuclear wolves for the zombie apocalypse, use them instead of fear them! It is after all one of the hobbies I listed for my 10th year reunion, I received much interest in raising and training nuclear wolves, I believe it will be successful.

    Back to the original problem, what should I do to convince the boy of your awesomeness? I’ve tried to bombard his facebook, but it’s looking unsuccessful. I’ve also employed some of my closest Rocky Mountain Rollergirls to persuade him, but he is unafraid. Help!

    Sam aka Frak Attak

    PS, you have a very very loyal following within the Rocky Mountain Rollergirls, this will help you immensely in the zombie apocalypse. We are after all, on skates.

    (He’s in very good company. Victor doesn’t get me either, but he still makes an excellent husband. ~Jenny)

    Like

  105. Love Love Love Trueblood and Ferris is a perfect Eric Northman. However, I must say….it would be cool if your cat could be Alcide. He’s by far my favorite eye candy on that show. But that wouldn’t really make sense because Ferris is a CAT and Alcide plays a werewolf. But it would be hilarious to see THAT caption.

    Ferris: “I’m really a cat, but I’m pretending to be a werewolf, because I too have fangs. And 6 nipples. Either way I will seduce you into buying products you don’t really need, and all the while you will be looking at my cat/dog junk. Thanks for playing.”

    Like

  106. I’m findingi it a bit disturbing that all these people are commenting about the sexuality of your pussy…I mean CAT! OMG! I have just fallen into the trap of it all …..

    But really the fact that your cat is seducing you…you may want to get out of the house more often. Just a thought.

    And as far as Karin(allpointswhole) My suggestion is you do as she asks and visit her blog and all that. You could be on the Shat’s side of a stalker, I mean blogger, asking you to come to dinner to save their marriage, “what goes around comes around”.

    Wow I may need to become the Advice to Blogger’s kind of like Ann Landers, but not.

    Like

    The Escrow Goddess recently posted Just a simple conversation.

  107. I think you may need to rename Ferris Mewler to Eric Northcat.

    Like

  108. –>Can you please pick a comment of the day again? I have work to do up in this place of business.
    *cough*
    *cough*

    Like

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  109. My cat whose name just so happens to be Sookie, says meeeeeooooooow!

    Like

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  110. Oh.Lord. You are nuts… In the best way…..

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  111. I can see the next hottest series, Twilight meets Warriors (the cat series)!

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  112. I can always count on you to make me laugh out loud… even when it hurts XOX Thanks

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  113. Love it. My dog Sophie likes to sit like that. I always tell her to close up shop, be a lady!

    Like

  114. “”Neuticle Naturals, a less rigid silicone implant that not only looks natural – it feels natural too.””

    OK people may be crazy enough to want them to look real but wtf they need to feel real too?!!!

    Like

  115. This is incredible.

    Like

    Kristen recently posted Show me where you hurt..

  116. Are you sure the cat isn’t actually a shapeshifter? God, if he could shift into Eric…hell…it would take more than frozen peas!

    Like

    Jeane recently posted What do you mean her name is sugar-butt? That’s my name!.

  117. You and your readers are going to simultaneously take pity on me and hate me when I say the following:

    1. I did not get “chopping off balls” from the frozen pea photo. I looked at it quizzically and thought “did she flick him in the nuts?” followed by “did he get giant, swollen blue-balls because she wasn’t falling prey to his seduction tactics?”. It wasn’t until I started reading some of the comments that I understood what was happening. This is where you pity me.

    2. You hate me when I say that I don’t find Eric Northman to be a piece of ass that makes me scream “I GOTTA TAP THAT”. I mean, I’d do him over a hobo (or Bill for that matter)….but something about his teeth being too big for his mouth reminds me of Jim Carey in “Ace Ventura” and that makes me picture Eric being birthed out of a hippo’s butt. Sexy? I think not. It’s also more relevent when he has blood on him, which is like always. Maybe this is all because I’m only in season 2 of the series and haven’t yet seen all his juicy parts??

    Also? My dog lays like that a lot, and I’m pretty sure his penis is the size of your cats head. You can imagine the dialogue that takes place when that thing makes an appearance!

    Like

    Loonybin recently posted Kill the zombie turkeys by masturbating with the stolen used-underwear.

  118. Oh holy crap that update picture is the best thing I’ve seen since…well…since Beyonce showed up at your front door.

    Like

    Bekah recently posted I'm Right and the Entire Medical Community and Daniel are Wrong.

  119. I’m going to go buy some Birdseye Steamfresh now- good job, Ferris Mewler!

    Like

    Not Blessed Mama recently posted Things Remembered.

  120. Clearly I have missed a step. Ferris Mewler???? What happened to Bob Barker?

    Like

  121. Dear Jenny,

    If you make postcards of that first pic. I will buy them, and send them to lots of friends, including you. That way Ferris gets his own funky fanmail.
    😉

    -Tony

    “Never let them see the anvil.” -Wile E. Coyote.

    Like

    Tony Hunt recently posted Couple links to start the day..

  122. What a great poser! You should totally get your cat into the movies. Or National Geographic. He looks intellectual. Sexy AND smart. You’re one lucky cat owner (and I don’t even LIKE cats.)

    Like

    Moxie-Dude recently posted 3 Myths about raising teenagers.

  123. To me he’s saying ‘Woman where’s my dinner?’ as he watches whatever inane sporting match in on the box You showed him with those frozen veges! ‘Hear’s your dinner ingrate, and cover yourself up’
    (but I really dislike cats, even more so than husbands)

    Nicole x

    Like

    Nicole @ myIdeaLife recently posted Phone hacking? Paaahhhh! The real reason behind the demise of News of the World.

  124. I have been avoiding True Blood. Only because I know I’m going to like it and I have too many addictions as it is.

    Poor Ferris Mewler is going to become Kitty Noballs. Well, you could always keep them and dip them in glitter…

    Where in the HELL did my brain just go?!? *backs out slowly* That was off the deep end for even me. Yikes!

    Like

    KidLit recently posted This Item Sucks. Literally..

  125. He just looks like he’s thinking “What’s up bitches?”

    @KidLit-they would make wonderful Christmas ornaments covered in glitter. Try explaining that to your kid though. Could get interesting.

    Like

  126. This is why I avoid the show. Eric Northman was way hotter in the description in the novels.

    Like

  127. Cats like Ferris are why the world will have kabunnies one day. He looks like he’s not too picky about which species is standing in front of him when he’s in the mood.

    Like

  128. I’m astounded that your blog is so successful… and that I’m totally glued to my seat waiting for more. I hate/love you. And will kill/hug you someday.

    Like

    Ninja Mike recently posted How to get your Man to do stuff.

  129. You are not alone LoonyBin – I was also leaning towards the blue ball theory.

    Like

  130. I love how your mind works…it’s FUCKING AWESOME!!!

    Like

    Jenn recently posted Summer Reading.

  131. HAHAHAH Awesome!!! I’m totally sharing this on my website since we have a huge True Blood following.
    THANK YOU for making my day brighter and brighter!

    Like

  132. I recently read “American Gods” and I’m pretty sure that at one point, the lead character fucks a cat. So Ferris has that going for him. Or something. I’m going to go gouge my eyes out now. And bleach my brain.

    Not that it helped much the last time…

    Like

  133. I love how it was important to clarify that you were using those particular frozen vegetables only because you were out of the obviously far-superior frozen peas. That right there is attention to detail.

    Like

    HNtG recently posted How To Prevent Motion Sickness from Video Games.

  134. I’m sorry…I’m just totally distracted by the fact that your leather couch and rug look almost exactly like mine. What were we talking about? Something to do with a sexy, sparkly vampire cat?

    Like

    Lori Stefanac (Lola) recently posted A Little Hair Where?.

  135. I wish I knew how to put Ferris’ pic in my phone, so that the next time some douchebag texts me a photo of his genitals (and yes, i’m 46 and this actually happens)(just stay married, y’all, you do NOT want to be on the dating scene these days….) i could text Ferris’ pic back with a note: “This is how you look, except with less hair and more asshole. Go away.”

    Like

    violet recently posted Profile Translation: The “I’ve finally found myself and I’m totally impressed” douchebag..

  136. This has nothing to do with cats, well it probably does, but enough of that.

    It has to do with lawn art. I found the perfect friend for your rooster.

    http://www.hammacher.com/Product/11907?promo=homepage_hero

    I am sure Victor will buy you a matched set.

    Like

  137. We have been calling our cat, Max, a slut ever since we got him. He will climb up and paw at me until I let him on my lap and then drop all 20 pounds of himself onto me and try to nurse through my shirt. This behavior disturbs me. And he’s neutered. I am thinking he didn’t get enough Mommy lovin when he was a kitten, since we adopted him as an adult.

    Whatever, I don’t have anything for him. My kids are all teenagers and I keep trying to explain that, but he’s dumb as a box of rocks and won’t listen.

    Chelle

    Like

    Chelle recently posted The Grandma Mildred Decrapify Bear.

  138. He kind of reminds me of that fat old balding guy that hangs out in night clubs. You know the one. Every night club has one. The one that’s greasy and disgusting, but for some reason completely believes that all the twenty-something could-be-models want his body. Ferris Mewler is like one step above that. But somehow cuter. Is it the fur? Or the Bird’s Eye?

    Like

    Elise recently posted And You All Thought I Was Crazy Before....

  139. Glitter is KEY to being a sexy vampire. And whot he fuck doesn’t know who Eric is? People are idots.

    Like

    Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted A first kiss to be proud of.

  140. Well, let’s hope Ferris Mewler is not like Bob the cat in the Southern Vampire mystery/Sookie Stackhouse books that True Blood is based on. He’ll be one pissed off guy if he ever gets changed back to his real human form.:/

    And I was just re-admiring the Rolling Stone cover of Eric and Bill last night….*drool*

    Like

    Stephanie Walker recently posted Where are my pants? I CANT FIND MY PANTS!!!.

  141. OMG. As SOON as I saw the first pic, I thought that he looked JUST LIKE Eric. Didn’t even need to see a side by side. And, then when I saw where you were going with it, I was all – wtf? WHY is she in my head?

    Like

  142. I just got a cat. He only has three legs, which makes some people laugh at him, but as far as I’m concerned, he’s the biggest badass I’ve ever known.

    Like

    Lara recently posted Beauty is Truth, Truth Beauty.

  143. bahahahaha, this is totally my favourite post EVER!! Ferris totally brings new appeal to frozen veges:)

    Like

  144. That’s hilarious. Also, your pets have the best names.

    Like

  145. Wow. Yeah Farris Mewler is definitely pulling off that Eric Northman way better then Alexander Skarsgard is.

    And if Farris is pulling off the whole vampire seductive look this well, and can rock the glitter look too, What’s-his-face from Twilight better watch his back.

    Like

    Rebekah Mae recently posted No Title..

  146. My cat’s nickname is porno-cat. He never tires of showing us his genitals.

    Like

  147. You must respect Ferris Mewler’s AUTHORITA!

    Or something.

    Like

    Suniverse recently posted Summer Memories.

  148. I haven’t written or read blogs for weeks and weeks and weeks, I come back to Ferris Mewler. Nice.

    Like

    Leta Aran recently posted So. Anyway..

  149. Poor Ferris. You’ve unceremoniously (or WAS there a ceremony & you didn’t tell us. Perhaps a sacrifice involving a 5 foot metal chicken?) lopped off his balls. And while you’re kind enough to boast about his excess nippleage, you probably haven’t told him that they’re purely ornamental. That poor cat is in for years of therapy…

    You’re a bad mother.

    Like

    Gates recently posted Apropos of nothing….

  150. For a split second I found myself wishing I had laser beam eyes.

    I’m pretty sure that’s not a good thing.

    Like

    bschooled recently posted Eye of The Grinder.

  151. Maybe he thought you’d be so impressed with his balls, you’d let him keep them. Poor Ferris. Rejected AND neutered.

    Like

    Stacey recently posted One.

  152. Could you get me the name of Ferris’s personal trainer? He’s so svelt. Mylo Richardson (the feline that we have captured for our own entertainment and sick pleasure) has become a bit of a fat ass.

    Oh forget it… can we just trade cats?

    Like

  153. Your cat is hella pimp. I wish that mine had half the swagger that Ferris does. (Maybe I would like him more if he did.)

    Like

    Lex recently posted Random Tuesday Thoughts Vol. 36 -- If Insomnia had a throat, I would stab it in the jugular.

  154. Although my two cats do not use the lounging pose to seduce, the do use the old “butt in your face” method.

    It ropes me in every time.

    Like

    The Queer Next Door recently posted "Go to the Mausoleum Door and Act Like You're Knocking...".

  155. New follower…you’ve heard it before, but I’m saying it because I like to say things. Lots of things. You’re fucking hilarious…jus’ sayin’.

    Like

  156. It’s good to know I’m not the only person with a vampire cat: http://unlikelyexplanations.com/2011/03/03/common-misconceptions-regarding-my-cat/

    Like

    Laura recently posted South California: Most Likely to Secede?.

  157. One morning, late last year, I woke up to find my female kitten dragging herself towards me in a rather odd manner. I jumped out of bed and called the vet straightaway, yelling ‘MY CAT’S BROKEN HER BACK, OH MY GOD’.

    The vet casually replied ‘nah, she’s come into heat for the 1st time, a little early for her age, you need to get her neutered as soon as it’s over’.

    Several days of odd and extremely inappropriate behaviour ensued – including my kitten backing up to me and literally begging to be *ahem* relieved and more seductive crawling, a little like some ho-stripper with bills tucked into her panties.

    I was appaled, and quite frankly, I felt violated.

    By my cat.

    Like

    iampisspot recently posted Pussy lovin’ ladies and red hot lesbians..

  158. Hahaha this is great. Cat’s are awesome because they let you do whatever the fuck you want to them. My cat can pretty much be equated to a pile of sand that sometimes cries for food, and there have been many occasion that I have been tempted to tease him just… because I can and he’s fat. Ferris Mewler is super cute, too, so he seems to have that quality over my cat.

    Like

    k-dawg recently posted It's Hotter Than Your Mom Outside.

  159. I’ve been away for a few days. What’s up with Ferris?

    Are you getting him fixed or did someone kick him in that very special part of a male cat’s body?

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted The she-beast still lives.

  160. You are right. He DOES do Eric better than Eric. Perhaps it’s Eric whose emulating Ferris Mewler, not the other way around. Pondersome.

    Like

    Anna recently posted Scaredy Cat.

  161. That totally looks like a spread from Playcat magazine! Is he Mr. July?

    Like

    SisterMerryHellish recently posted Simma Down Now.

  162. Cat billboard is possibly the best idea ever. You should sell a link to a site and use their ad image as a censor bar.

    Like

    Ali recently posted Quotes From Pals “QFP” June 2011.

  163. You make me laugh

    I have nominated you for butterfly award, check it out here
    http://illtake2ofeverything.blogspot.com/2011/07/i-won-award.html

    Like

    Heather recently posted I won an award :).

  164. whenever our cat (Rasputin) knocks over something of the wife’s things I say “good job buddy get her back for her having them taking your Olsen Twins off.

    Also I know a girl who stopped seeing a dude because when she talked about Eric Northman he’d confuse him with cartman.

    Like

    clevelandpoet recently posted Sleeping with my wife VIII.

  165. This is why I don’t have a cat. They scare the fuck out of me and I don’t want some hairy ass laying on my face while I’m trying to sleep. You think they’re cuddling. I think they’re trying to suffocate you. Watch your backs, cat people!

    Like

    Carri recently posted Throat Punch Thursday: Worthless Human Being Edition.

  166. Pass me that bag of frozen nibblets and gibblets when Seksi Boy is done- we just spent the day at the vet finding out our cats have the diabetes and CRF. My cats may need an agent and a Meow Mix gig to cover their health care after all of this!

    Like

    LA Juice recently posted Jamie Lee Curtis is as Nice as her Table.

  167. “Ha Ha, Posey, I’m going to get tutored!”

    All you youngsters can google The Far Side if you don’t get that.

    Also, Ninja Mike disturbs me.

    Like

  168. My favorite part of the internet? No matter where you go, there’s always cats.

    Thanks for keeping the cat quota up!

    Like

    Meg recently posted This is True Lurve.

  169. Your posts always send me into fits of laughter, but when I saw the Eric Northman comparison pic I almost did a spit-take all over my computer screen.

    Separately, I have never seen a sexier cat.

    Like

    Mads recently posted 7 Habits of Highly Effective Pugs.

  170. I don’t know. Aside from the fact that the chances of your cat ever doing the laundry or washing the dishes are extremely low – you have to counterbalance this with the fact that I’ve never met a cat who snores as loudly as my husband, nor would a cat eat all but two little pieces of cereal and then put the for-all-intensive-purposes empty cereal box back on the shelf for me to find later….I digress…. In any case, give your cat my number. We could hang out.

    Like

    Kathleen Kaufman recently posted I Am An Obnoxious American.

  171. I read Eric Cartman as Eric Catwoman and was really confused for a second and now I just have a vision of an Anne Hathaway / Eric Cartman hyrbid that’s going to land me in therapy.

    Like

  172. I just cannot believe that you cat let you plop a freezing cold bag of veggies on his nutsicles and then was like “yeah, what? Just take the damn picture, sexy.” My cat would be climbing the ceiling if I did that to him!

    Like

  173. you = your

    Like

  174. Um, Julie? It was Eric Northman, not Carman.

    BIG difference. Really. Major difference. The one is a wanna-be gangster with delusions of greatness. The other will mess you up for real – and he generally won’t even warn you first. Woman want the second one, and men aspire to be him.

    (Some of us already are, and laugh evilly, as we consider various methods to make you blush. Hard to choose just one, you know. You girls blush so easily.)

    I used to have a cat. I don’t anymore – too much competition for the couch.

    (Wow. That totally sounded like something Cartman would say. I take it back.)

    Like

    wolfshades recently posted People Soup.

  175. 178
    jennielynn

    It’s twisted and wrong, but I’m a little turned on by Ferris.

    Like

  176. holy shitballs I am so happy I found your blog. That is all.
    Send my love to Ferris.

    Like

    Jessica @ Stylish Stealthy & Healthy recently posted Compliments That Just Shouldn’t Be Given.

  177. OMG! I have tears running down my face from laughing! TY! I needed that.

    Like

  178. hahahaha i LOVE your blog! and on a compeatly unrelated note: about the whole zombies vs. unicorns issue, have you ever considered zombies who ride unicorns? it’s like twice the threat IN ONE! or bears with chainsaw arms…

    Like

  179. I’m very impressed with your cat’s poses…he’s extremely photogenic. If he doesn’t get discovered from this post, something is very wrong.

    Like

    Jacqui recently posted Bad Karma….

  180. Hope Ferris is feeling well today. A vet will tell you that cat neuters are very simple, but I’m guessing that cats will tell you otherwise.

    Like

    Brenna recently posted What IQ?.

  181. Obviously your cat has not lost his memory yet, you should do something about that.

    Like

    Theresa recently posted Merci Momma… {Thankful Thursday}.

  182. I have to have sympathy for poor Ferris Mewler, I mean really. All he wanted was a day off. Yeah he got one, but having to spend it sprawled on the couch with a bag of frozen vegetables is just NOT all that and a bag of chip! Where is the Sexy Kitty Nurse Strip-O-Gram? Will his buddy Cameowmeran come by and offer some of HIS meds ? SAVE FERRIS!

    Like

    Julie E recently posted Of Paranormal Poopsticks.. or something like that..

  183. Just the name Ferris Mewler alone is awesome! I freaking love your blog! You always cheer me up.

    Like

  184. 187
    Anonymous

    How’s Ferris feeling today?

    Like

  185. Now I have to crack up every time I eat Steamfresh. And then I have to ‘splain it by saying ‘there’s this cat…’ and everyone will think I mixed meds…well done Jenny.

    Like

    ogladi recently posted Seoul Brother.

  186. OMG that is so funny. Love your cat!!! Very Eric like. His name is great too.

    Like

  187. You were right not using the peas, or just damn lucky. Placing frozen peas on a male cat’s furry groin could traumatize him for life. Remember a cat’s brain is literal. They are unable to recognize their own image in a mirror. That is sometimes hard for me too, but… So put on his shoes (I assume you have little booties for him, maybe made of chinchilla fur). Every day of your life you look down and see two nice sized furry balls. All of a sudden you look down to see a massive cluster of tiny green balls…then your’s start to freeze. Yikes!

    Like

    Richard W. Schlueter recently posted Polly Wants.

  188. I just went to your shop to buy a chicken card and they are gone!! I need the one that says,”Knock knock MF” on it. (sigh.) Will you have them again??

    It’s still there. You probably have your settings set to not view profanity. Here you go: http://www.zazzle.com/my_names_beyonce_im_here_to_party_card-137238043303046486?rf=238233029691800410
    ~Jenny

    Like

  189. All I can say is, wow. Wow. You’re cat is DEFINITELY better at doing Eric Northman than Eric Northman. So what does that say for the real live human being?? Wow. Just wow.

    Like

    linda@adventuresinexpatland.com recently posted Julia Simens, Expat Author: Writing My Book.

  190. The mention of glitter on a cat (and knowing how cats groom themselves) reminds me of a George Carlin bit:

    “Or some times at Christmas, they’ll eat some tinsel and TAKE A SHINY SHIT! ‘Wow, look mom, can we hang it on the tree?'”

    Like

  191. That is f*cking funny:)

    Like

    Kez recently posted Sh*t Happens..

  192. 195
    Heather in Ottawa

    I can’t say it enough: Best cat name. EVER.

    Like

    Heather in Ottawa recently posted How do you define a ‘relationship’?.

  193. Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Iron Man, Spiderman, Flash, Green Lantern, Green Hornet, Fantastic 4, Hellboy, X-Men, etc. – ALL cartoon characters (except that etc. guy) that a lot of people have pretended to be, often for big money. If Ferris wants to pretend to be Eric Cartman, why can’t he indulge in his own flights of fantasy?

    Like

    Jami recently posted Sharing is caring.

  194. I’m pretty sure vampires can’t sire children either, so Ferris is just that much more accurate.

    Like

  195. As funny as all the other crazy shit you go on about is… I’m mostly here for the cat posts. Hilarious!

    Like

    Cecilia @ Parenting Controversy recently posted Strange Baby Names – Hell’s bells, you can’t name your son Lucifer!.

  196. I’m disturbed, but only for the reason that I thought Ferris Mewler was a girl up until now. Shocking way to find out the truth!

    Like

    Rachel recently posted Lemons + Sugar Water = Heaven in a glass.

  197. Oh my goodness, another funny cat update! Love this one too!

    Like

    Jessica recently posted White.

  198. My sister has a bunch of funny cat pictures like these. She calls them “Sexy Cat Pics”! Gotta love cats and their funny poses!

    Like

  199. That is just effing amazing, your cat REALLY is the Eric Northman of cats. You just made my day. Also, if you have not seen it, you must read Meredith Woerner’s Pro/Con True Blood Recaps. http://io9.com/5837390/true-blood-serves-up-a-steaming-pile-of-true-death

    Like

  200. U r fucking hilarious…thanks for the laughs!

    Like

  201. I died laughing at this post. I love True Blood and Eric Northman is HOT! And my 12 week old kitten is named Sookie Stackhouse. Too bad you got him fixed or I could hook her up with the Eric Northman of cats! Hysterical.

    Like

  202. Sparkly cat vs. Vamp: sparkly cat all the way!!!

    Like

    Goddess of Books recently posted When Lightning Strikes.

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