I am molding the minds of today’s youth. And by “molding” I mean “probably damaging”.

My very sweet reader, Mariah, (who is probably far too young to be reading this blog) emailed me this, and made my whole damn day.

Her History teacher asked the class to write down what they knew about Copernicus and turn it in.  This is what she handed in:

Says Mariah:

“I got the paper back later that day with a red minus on the top. I’m guessing this is because my paper was so spot on he was too astonished to finish the A+ he was writing.

Also he probably should have been more specific as to which Copernicus we were writing about.”

 

PS.  I did point out to Mariah that it’s possible she got a minus because she misspelled my name.  The devil is in the details, Mariah.  And also probably in Copernicus.

416 replies. read them below or add one

  1. LOL! That’s great!

  2. I can only imagine the conversation her teacher had over the dinner table with his wife that night.

    Bridget recently posted The Territory of the Giants.

  3. Is there no place for creativity in school anymore?

  4. The people who speak the truth never get any of the glory, Mariah.

  5. All kids should be like Mariah!!!

  6. I thought the minus was an unfinished smiley face. Then again, I’m not that bright.

    HerMelness Speaks recently posted Hello Thirteen, This Is Twelve’s Mother Calling.

  7. *Sniff* That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read. *Sniff*

    DogsOnDrugs.com recently posted She Should Have Left A Message.

  8. I think this is a valuable addition to today’s curriculum. Our children need to be aware of homicidal monkeys and zombie preparedness….how else will they survive to take care of us in our old age.

  9. ROFL If nothing else, that *should* teach him to be more specific, as she says.

    And we think kids aren’t learning anything in school these days…

    Maura/@CountessMo recently posted To The Person(s) Who Broke Into My Car.

  10. Fucking HYSTERICAL. I LOVE THIS KID! And her mother? Totally allowed to come over for a play date.

    pauline recently posted The Julian Project: Part 3.

  11. That is genius. I’d have to at least give a partial credit.

    Starrynite recently posted Honeymoon in Mexico.

  12. Is it possible the teacher is not a Bloggess fan???
    I find that to be an awesome paper and if I were a teacher, I’d have given Maria an A for sure!!

  13. I read this sideways.

    Backpacking Dad recently posted Why I Started Blogging.

  14. I so admire the influence you have over today’s youth. You are my hero!

  15. I bet that paper gets talked about for years to come – and kudos to Mariah for having the right frame of mind to think quick on her feet.

    Coffee Lovin Mom recently posted 10 Things - The Parent Edition - Life's Little Instruction Book.

  16. Silly teacher probably doesn’t like Beyonce either.

  17. That is great! Unfortunately, she spell Bloggess incorrectly. I’m sure that’s why she received a minus!

    Cheryl D. recently posted Unbelievable! Friggin' Unbelievable!.

  18. It is possible the negative was because you failed to back up your paper with refrences. I say you print everything out and resubmit it. Then, if he truly did fail to finish adding the “A|” to that “–” it won’t be as embarassing for him and he’ll have an easy out. Win win!

    Kudos on such an awesome, short paper!

    ——————–

    Jenn, congrats! You have single handedly corrupted and empressionable young mind, causing many to question whether or not we should slap warnings all over your blog!!

    I am soooo Proud!!!! :0D

    KidLit aka Tracey recently posted Blogger M.I.A..

  19. that kid will grow up a scientist.

    Kathy recently posted Workouts Are Strictly For Superheroes.

  20. I say any child who can spell homicidal gets a “+”, except when did we get so soft on kids we give them + or – instead of letters? I mean, it’s Copernicus. Can’t he be bothered to give real grades? What the hell is the world coming to? If this half-assed assignment was on Galileo would he grade it with subtle head gestures?

    Naptimewriting recently posted Oooh, they learn early..

  21. I think Mariah needed references on her assignment. Footer notations, perhaps? The teacher clearly thought this was plagiarized from Wikipedia.

    Amanda recently posted A Million Ways to Suck at MMORPGs – 1st Edition.

  22. Hahaha oh I fucking love it! I hope my daughter is that awesome one day!

    Jeannie recently posted Banana Popsicle.

  23. As a former English teacher (middle school, no less!) I would have handed that back with at least a smiley face. I might have had her rewrite it, but God help us if our middle school teachers lose their sense of humor! Then again, I’ve always been a sucker for a smart-ass.

  24. As I write, the teacher is googling you and will see this and read all of your archives. Then she’ll be devastated by the poor grade she gave Mariah on her excellent research.

    Jen recently posted All is right in the world..

  25. Shame on that teacher! They are discouraging the youth of American from reading.
    Also it’s a good thing I have insomnia, or I’d have to wait until tomorrow to read this and laugh my ass off.

  26. Also? I think Mariah deserves an A-.

  27. Victor’s not her teacher, is he?

  28. She was robbed. A quick google search would have lead her teacher to find she had written about “a” Copernicus. If it was me. I would resubmit my paper with a print out of the blog and ask for my grade to be corrected. But I’m s smart ass. Also I will loose my sanity before I loose my place on the Deans List (ask my friends and family).

  29. That is freaking brilliant!!! That teacher obviously doesn’t know jack or shit.

    Leila (Don't Speak Whinese) recently posted Camping and Fishing in Bishop and the Eastern Sierras.

  30. as a teacher, my favorite paper turned last year stated simply:
    “Who is Helen Keller? Why did she knock down the baby?”

    Which earned a solid B- (we weren’t studying Helen Keller, but bonus points for creativity during math).

    A paper on Copernicus? Any time, any place, A+.

    Becuase that’s just keeping up with current events y’all.

  31. My god. I thought teachers were supposed to inspire students as well as educate them.

    Oh, wait…maybe that teacher KNOWS about Copernicus, and was offering Mariah the super secret “red monkey butt” symbol on her paper.

  32. Quality. Should’ve gotten marks for making best use of the internet and because it’s just so damn funny! Plus I don’t know who the other Copernicus is either.

    pointypix recently posted Paint Party Friday... just vegging....

  33. She is awesome!

    Nakita recently posted I Cain't Say No!.

  34. That is so awesome. Mariah, you may not have got a great grade, but please realise you just won the Internet.

    Tenielle recently posted Breaking the rules.

  35. Mariah only did what her teacher asked to do. What an excellent ‘spur of the moment’ paper (imprompt to?). Mariah should have gotten an A.

  36. Holy fracking nut weasles!

    That is the best thing to ever happen to our society in like….well, since cheese.

    The fact that we can replace the father of Astronomy (kinda) with an evil diseased stuffed monkey in the minds of the next generation? It makes my insides wiggle with glee.

    Also, the real dude was – ummmm – probably on an even playing field looks wise as the monkey version. http://greencanticle.com/2008/11/29/copernicus-identified/

    Holly

    Canadian in Glasgow (aka Holly) recently posted Are you talking to me?.

  37. You would think that a history teacher would realize history is made from current events and give an A + for Mariah’s perception! I wish I had been this quick when I was in school!

    (Not Quite) Clinically Dead recently posted Round Up of Random Stuff #8.

  38. That is brilliant. I LIKE Mariah.

    Veronica recently posted Walking into walls.

  39. I’d like to point out the following:

    1. If Mariah attends public school in the United States, the guidelines generally state that a child may read anything — library books, comic books, magazines, etc. — as long as he/she commits to doing so for at least 20 minutes a night. So clearly, reading the Bloggess counts.

    2. This smells like a precursor to an actual lesson on Copernicus that the teacher was presumably conducting to find out whether any of his/her students had heard of said historical figure. Clearly, this teacher got his answer.

    3. The level of detail in Mariah’s short paper suggests above average reading comprehension skills that, quite frankly, ought to earned her a C right out of the gate.

    4. Every time we miss an opportunity to see the humor in everyday life, we are smacking our soul in the face a little. This teacher takes himself too seriously. Mariah is awesome. And her mother is probably twice as funny.

    P.S. Jenny — I love it when fear of corrupting the world’s youth makes the Mom in you slip out with that ‘entirely too young’ comment. Priceless post. It’s gotta be fun to be the Bloggess.

  40. That’s hilarious. Mariah, you are very funny!

    meredith recently posted no honk zone.

  41. I’m laughing so hard, I can’t breath. Mariah deserves the biggest icecream ever! Oh, and the teacher should at least have given some creativity points. We need to encourage our children to think outside the box!

  42. I’m a teacher, and sometimes I want to give ‘you made me laugh’ credit to some papers, even if the rest was totally wrong.

    “Life is 4,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 years old. WOW! The first life forms reproduced by stem cells. That was outlawed by Republicans though, so they started working with asexual reproduction, and eventually discovered sex. Next came drugs, then rock and roll.”

    There were smiley faces ALL OVER that paper even though it got like… 5/40. I wanted to save it but my master teacher wouldn’t let me.

    K recently posted ALL the butts..

  43. P.S. My comment is ‘awaiting moderation?’ Really? You have time to moderate the 6,000 comments per post you receive? You’re in the wrong business, babe. Clearly you should be conducting time management seminars.

  44. I think someone should send that teacher one of Copernicus’ valentines. He obviously needs a hug.

    Poor thing.

    Mariah, what a lovely, well-written summary. Accurate, thorough, and succinct. Who what when where and why, plus a quote?! That is great journalism, right there. I see a bright future.

    Daffodil Campbell recently posted When they say "You look just like you did in high school" it's not necessarily a compliment..

  45. BeYOND funny!!

    (Not to mention the fact that I nasal sprayed my morning coffee laughing out loud)

    Possum recently posted Sunday 160...even so.

  46. I’d say liberating (young) minds instead of damaging. As proven by all the comments above.
    And.., I’m I the only dude reading this blog?

    Cheers.., keep liberating!!

    Rogier Noort recently posted Main Page.

  47. I want my children to grow up like Mariah

    Louise recently posted What to talk about that does not involve the R word.

  48. A quick stop by the internet on my way to bed has me laughing loudly enough that I woke my husband. That kid is a freaking genius. Short-sighted, narrow minded teachers will be the intellectual death of future generation. Next report topic? Wolverines.

    Cassie recently posted eight thousand three hundred feet.

  49. maybe it’s supposed to be a ‘meh’ face and he forgot the eyes. (:|) Now that I look at it, it does look a little like Copernicus’ mouth. Maybe Mariah should pencil in some eyes and ears, and turn it back in, with something like “Good Start – I see promise. Looking forward to this year!”

  50. That teacher should not have crossed Copernicus. He’s totally in for it now. He won’t even see it coming.

    Cat @Breakfast to Bed recently posted Keeping it Classy..

  51. Definitely the lack of correct APA referencing.

  52. Absolutely spectacular !

    Pgoodness recently posted First day of school 2011.

  53. Teacher needs an F are we not supposed to be encouraging our youth to be both forward thinking and to be innovative in their approach to the world. I would have thought a short essay on Copernicus the stuffed monkey shows that this young lady is bright, intelligent and well versed in the art of study investigative skills by using the WWW to gather information.

    On the other hand she may turn out to be a mini Bloggess whose sarcasm and withering comments will turn people to stone

    Either way she gets an A+ from me

  54. That is awesome. I have 2 daughters in high school right now, and while we would not be pleased to see a poor grade, I love it when they use thier creativity, and don’t think I could be upset with anyone but the teacher in this case. And she was right.. the teacher should have been more specific. Way to go Mariah!

    meg recently posted So, I’ve moved...

  55. My Laugh Out Loud while reading your post was so loud it scared my children. And they’re teenagers who don’t scare easily. Thank you!

    Adriana_G recently posted You'll never guess what I just heard....

  56. It warms my heart to know we encouraging a generation of clever, literate and outspoken children. I really hope the teacher followed up on the opportunity to exchange information with Mariah. Her understanding of Copernicus is much more interesting.

    Petra recently posted Petite Salade.

  57. A+ is not enough of a grade for Mariah, it needs to be A*. Or even A*+.

    Sahara Desert recently posted thesaharadesert: Aw, bless! RT @Katielase: Rugby widowhood commences... RT @Griffster77: And we're off!!! #RWC11.

  58. I take it this assignment wasn’t for Creative Writing, correct?

    Lynn from For Love or Funny recently posted Will she kiss me? Or bite me?.

  59. What a great kid – if I would have had a friend like her when I was her age… oh the mayhem! Good mayhem. ;)

  60. Calls for a show and tell.

    mrtl recently posted If You Ask a Five-Year-Old for Directions.

  61. Sounds like someone has a “Mini Me” and we’ll be reading her blog in a few short years! Maybe the new teacher they hire after Copernicus hugs this teacher (and I’m sure he will after he reads this!) will be more understanding and enlightened.

  62. I would have given Mariah an A+

    Kez recently posted This is totally worth it..

  63. Mariah’s answer probably was the talk of the Teachers’ Lounge.

  64. I laughed so hard because it sounds like something my daughter would do to torment her long suffering teacher.

  65. Brilliant Young Person!
    And she’s right – the teacher should have specified. Teacher certainly should not have just scored a “-” without checking the facts of the paper, if it wasn’t the Copernicus Teacher was referring to. A quick Google of “blogess copernicus”, even with the misspelling, goes directly to you!
    Brilliant Young Person deserves a better grade than that. Parental Units should be protesting.
    And I’ll bet that at some point, Teacher has indeed Google-d “blogess copernicus”!
    BwaHaHaHaHa Mariah! “A+” from me!
    And Kudos to you Jenny, for being such an inspiration to Young Persons.

    (P.S. – Have any of you been to young Mariah’s blog? Check it out. She has a picture of a sign that reads, “Please Do Not Feed The Whores”. I LOVE THIS KID!!! (And I’m totally stealing that sign.)

    Lisa recently posted September Morn....

  66. This young lady sounds like my daughter. They were given an assignment in science to write their science vocab words three times each. So she wrote each word with “x3″ next to it and handed it in! The teacher felt that this warranted a CALL HOME. She called me and when she told me what my daughter did, I burst out laughing. That was clearly NOT the right response. But did it really deserve a call home? She couldn’t have just laughed and told my daughter to do it over correctly? Sheesh.

    Props to you Mariah! You get an A+ in my book!

    Liz the Insane recently posted First test post.

  67. Who says education in this country has fallen to the wayside? Just goes to show that kids DO pay attention to the important things. We all need to know whether a homicidal monkey lives around the corner.

    Dana Strange recently posted We got STYLE...(and NASA Rockets).

  68. thanks to you I “googled” Copernicus… your money and he look quite similar.

  69. She has to never change! I’m a teacher and I think that’s awesome!!!!!!!

    Keri recently posted WIP Wednesdays – I Really Need to Figure Out This Spinning Thing.

  70. Bwahahah!

    Shan recently posted It Goes On.

  71. The sentence structure and vocabulary lead me to believe that Ms. Mariah is older than you think.

  72. Congrats to Mariah for thinking outside the box and not being afraid to learn new things. She should have been praised.

    The Kidless Kronicles
    Wag More, Bark….

    Nicole recently posted Food Friday: Crumb Apple Pie.

  73. Teachers get a little uppity when their students know more than they do. Obviously, the red mark is a sign that Mariah’s paper is so brilliant that the teacher cannot even find an adequately awesome grade for it. Or perhaps the teacher was being strangled by Copernicus whilst grading the paper and thus the marking happened mid-strangle and could mean just about anything.

    If nothing else, Mariah should get credit for her creativity and the teacher should be more specific next time when assigning topics. Perhaps Mariah should have included an illustration of Copernicus to clarify which one she was writing about… or a footnote with a URL included. It’s so important to properly cite your source material.

  74. I can’t wait for her paper about James Garfield. Her teacher will either have caught on or he’ll explode. Either way, awesome.

    Hstrykid recently posted The Nashville Flood – Reverb10 – Day 3.

  75. Look at the mini-me you’ve created! You, and Copernicus, should be proud!

    And that teacher? Psshh! He/she should know the real Copernicus is nowhere nearly as historically relevant as the evil monkey Copernicus. Or as much fun…though I hear he was a snappy dresser.

    awesomesauciness recently posted In Which I Am Terrorized By A German.

  76. She wins. Absolutely . And the teacher should have so specified which one he wanted. And check your facts Mr teacher man!

    Nikki recently posted My Story of Dealing with Suicide..

  77. I’m sure he probably contacted a counselor after that. However, if any of my students could write as well as Mariah (and I teach high school), I wouldn’t care if they wrote about maiming unicorns.

    Momma Teacher Lady recently posted Potty Training: It Ain't for the Weak.

  78. OMG. The young have so much to teach us. Her spot on view of reality is almost only rivaled by her spot on penmanship. WELL DONE, MARIAH! #allcapsnecessary

    John B recently posted how to *not* have a conversation.

  79. Poor kid’s gonna fail History.

    Stephanie recently posted Guest Posting at Scary Mommy Today.

  80. OMG! I read her comment and thought she was a college student being a smart-ass. Now that I can see she’s a much younger smart-ass (who sounds pretty damn smart, BTW), it’s even more awesome!

    Cheryl @ Coffee with Cheryl recently posted “What are you doing?”.

  81. Makes me want to be a child again.

    Kathleen recently posted 100 Rejections.

  82. Teachers so often mistake the truly exceptional child for a mutant. It’s a very sad thing, but something we have to live with as a nation. Or we could just call in the predator drones.

    hogsatemysister recently posted Capt. Buttface and Stinky Green David.

  83. Ahhh… raising them right! It is such a gratifying thing, isn’t it?

    Sheila recently posted Epic Blonde Moments.

  84. She sounds like another you in the making. Love it!

    Courtney recently posted Photo.

  85. You know that teacher went home and googled that shit. I bet he did the walk of shame into school the next day.

    LadyV recently posted Maniacally rubbing my kitchen counters.

  86. Oh that is too fantastic. I hope pray her teacher asks for a paper about Beyonce next….although I can’t imagine what impact Beyonce would have on world history.

    Amy Apple recently posted 9/7/11.

  87. I was once asked what a Palomino was. Apparently the answer was in the song I was completely ignoring in music class. My answer of, ‘It’s the ship in The Black Hole!’ meant I did not get a gold star that day. :(

  88. This little girl gives me such hope for the future of the world…keep carrying the torch Mariah!

    Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted F*ck You Fridays: Round Two.

  89. I think there may be another Bloggess in the making here. What a brilliant y oung woman.

    OhanaMama recently posted Doing the HAPPY DANCE!!!.

  90. Ahhh, out of the mouths of babes!! ;)

  91. Might I suggest footnotes, Mariah?

    If that doesn’t work…. handnotes. I know a woman with a big box of Monkey Hands just waiting for some use.

    Jordan @ food, sweat, and beers recently posted Top 6 Toilet Tips for Frequent Trips.

  92. Best fan letter. EVER.

  93. I’ve never been crazy about having kids (though I have nothing against other people who do), but now I want multiples if they end up like Mariah here.

    EmSpeaks recently posted Adventures in Queue.

  94. okay, i don’t know what grade mariah is in, but i’m terrifically impressed by the proper spelling of ‘homicidal’. that’s not, like, a regular vocabulary word. ALSO i’d think her creativity alone should be worth at least an A.

    ALSO ALSO. i love that kid – the teacher should have been more specific about WHICH copernicus they were writing about. if i was having children, i’d hope to have one that awesome.

    steph gas recently posted new shooz?.

  95. Ha ha ha. I love smartass kids. ;)

  96. I would express my concern at the impact Copernicus is having on the youth of today, but I’m reaaaally attached to my organs.

    Beesus recently posted The Day! It Happened!.

  97. If the teacher had done his/her research like a responsible adult (to find out who on earth The Bloggess is), he/she would have understood completely, appreciated that the student had enlightened him/her to your blog and wonderfully humerous posts and marked an A+ at the top of the page.

    Bad Teacher.

    Brandina Vines recently posted Thirsty for Comments Thursday!.

  98. I just hope her next paper has to be about James Garfield.

    moooooog35 recently posted Taking a 'Hands-On' approach.

  99. That teacher will feel silly when Mariah gives him a Copernicus Valentines card in February.

  100. I love this. You get an A+ from all of us here!!
    Obviously your teacher loved it so much they were unable to give you a grade because what is higher then an A+?? That “dash” they left on your paper is simply short form for fantastic.

    Tabitha recently posted Tomato sauce, A La Wife.

  101. I’d bet my left boob that he copied this paragraph, hung it up in the staff room, and showed it to the head teacher. And I bet he looked up “The Blogess”, found your site, and spent all night reading through your entries…and stumbled into his class room the next day looking entirely shell-shocked.

    Educators never expect to be educated themselves. Spot on indeed.

    Our Lady of Discord recently posted Pray This Cup Doesn't Runneth Over.

  102. This child has pluck. A real liability K-12, but she’ll hit pay dirt in college.

    Team Suzanne recently posted I theorize but I am not a theoritician.

  103. I really thought I was going to have a bad day today. Then I read this.

  104. I would have given some kind of A for Effort for that one.

    Andie recently posted Another Poetic Interlude...

  105. This child will one day grow up and take over your blog! Too funny.

    Tina, The Escrow Goddess recently posted It was a long weekend, but I won't be having to look at a HUGE boar's head everynight for the rest of my life..

  106. I now have hope for the future thanks to Mariah.

    Jill recently posted Old Photos, Part 3.

  107. I can’t stop laughing. Perfection.

  108. It must be so rewarding to have a (monkey) hand in molding the next gereration of (wise-ass) bloggers. Kudos to you for fearlessly mentoring our nations youth (with reckless abandon and almost no regard for social decorum). In this age of absurd political correctness, you are a gaint (metal chicken) in your field. And of course huge props to Mariah for such an insightful and creative essay! I am sure this young lady will one day have a partially deteriorated, evil taxidermied primate of her own…and a book deal.

    BlogAn recently posted Put On Your Lucky Underpants, People!! It's a Contest!!.

  109. If this teacher is any kind of scholar, the whole school will be following you and Copernicus now…

    Gina recently posted Please don't touch the toilet paper....

  110. You mean there’s ANOTHER Copernicus? Is he a mammal, too?

    wagthedad recently posted Why Can’t This Happen in the United States?.

  111. You must take great pride in knowing that you are continuing in the tradition of the original Copernicus, who was also considered to be a dangerous and heretical subversive in his time.
    In an interesting (well prolly not really) aside, the nun who taught me in 5th grade once wrote a note to my mother saying that I was too imaginative for my own good. That may have been the pivotal moment that drove me into accounting, where, naturally, I was too imaginative for my own good.

    Jonah Gibson recently posted Wisdom's Going to Be the Death of Me.

  112. And now you’ve just made my day. Amazing.
    That girl is gonna grow up to do big things. Maybe even work for Hallmark.

    Mindy recently posted School Days, School Days: A Kid Lunch.

  113. Ahhhhhhh, I love it. Kids say the damnest things.

    Stephanie recently posted It’s the end of the world as we know it….

  114. This is amazing. If I were Mariah I’d send her teacher a Copernicus Valentine’s card and write this:

    A minus is an A+ you haven’t finished yet, you stodgy old jerk. Lighten up and read The Bloggess. =)

  115. This is made of absolute, 100%, unicorn-fart fueled WIN.

    Dangerboy recently posted The Dark Side, or the Dork Side?.

  116. A+ for doing what was asked of her. For having a sense of humor. And for knowing the material before the assignment was given.

    Good Job Mariah. Extra credit for being the coolest kid in your school.

  117. This is awesome! I’m with you. Spelling is important and I’m sure misspelling your blog name did not work in her favor.

    Creativity is not appreciated anymore. The more lemming like, the better. Apparently my junior and senior year English teacher, who HATED my imagination, must be her teacher. :-(

  118. The paper is great, but her explanation to you is what takes the cake. That kind of snark is blogging GOLD.

  119. So, I’m trying to imagine what went through the teacher’s mind upon reading Mariah’s paper, figuring in the quite obvious notion that he does not read The Bloggess and has no idea about the “other” Copernicus. He’s probably watching dear little Mariah quite closely and has more than likely given a copy of her paper to the counselor. Mom should be expecting a phone call.

  120. How freaking awesome is Mariah?!
    And how freaking LAME is her teacher? L.O.S.E.R

    PS, her handwriting and paragraph organization is excellent. She should have an A for sure.

    Sarcasm in Action recently posted We Caught Meth Germs. Or Herpes. Meth Herpes, Maybe?.

  121. Way to advertise for my favorite blog, Mariah! Because of your profound efforts, your teacher ran home, found your site and had a long, wonderful chuckle. She was so entranced, she was compelled to call in sick the next day because she had to read every.single.post the bloggess has ever made. It will be a miracle if she ever returns to work again… and if she does, she’ll probably bring in a large, tin chicken (the new class mascot, no doubt).

  122. I see a future blogger named Mariah. A+

  123. V funny (but change the date on the paper…it hasn’t happened yet!)

  124. Hello! Style points?!? I want her to be my daughter!!!

  125. oops – sorry it looked like 9-18
    i know I am an idiot with too much time on my hands – pls delete BOTH posts =0

  126. I think Mariah needs to become a guest blogger. She’s brilliant!

    Brenna recently posted These two things should not be together.

  127. I hope Mariah’s parents share her sense of humor… Also, I’m so old I don’t even know what a red “minus” even means…? No credit? “F”? “I have a negative feeling about this”? I need more information!!

    Kim recently posted I can’t write on account of the Mass of Dark Matter surrounding me. Here’s proof..

  128. i love that kid

    hello haha narf recently posted Four Years.

  129. I sense that a certain teacher may have a slew of homicidal monkey valentines delivered to her in the future, hmmmm?

    The only way that paper could have been better is if she had accurately drawn a picture of Copernicus to demonstrate the specific individual to which she was referring.

    Good job Mariah. Love a kid who isn’t afraid to be a smart-ass to the teacher in a great and creative way. Brava!!

    Misty recently posted It’s just not FAIR!!.

  130. Oh, my freaking word, that is TOO funny!

    Mariah gets an A+ in my book, and I know a certain English teacher at a super cool charter high school in Dover, NH, who reads this blog, and would most likely – if not certainly – have attributed a proper grade for Mariah’s submission.

    Where do we sign up to read Mariah’s blog? :-)

    Hot Coco recently posted First Soup of the Season.

  131. That is soooo the type of paper I would have turned in when I was in school. Any chance to be a smart ass, and I was there.
    Luckily I had a lot of teachers who thought I was funny (and very strange), so they’d often give me credit for the off the wall answers I put down. At least I kept them amused.

  132. Aww, and I was so proud that she correctly spelled homicidal…That one can be a doozy sometimes. Positive reinforcement people!

    Abby recently posted Say My Name, Say My Name.

  133. The paper and the e-mail comment are priceless and clearly the work of a creative and intelligent child. She’s right, he didn’t say which Copernicus. I predict that this young lady will be a lawyer or formidable negotiator –or formidable in whichever profession she chooses.

  134. As a history teacher, she would have gotten the special extra, make me laugh out loud points. Like the kid who put that Hitler commissioned the Dogs Playing Poker painting.

  135. I’d be very happy to adopt Mariah if necessary. Though I’m guessing her parents are cool. Or totally negligent.

  136. I am a teacher and if one of my students were to turn this in the would get full credit and probably some extra credit. That. Is. Priceless. Total ingenuity on her part, and shame on the teacher for not being specific on the details of the assignment.

  137. I found your blog yesterday, and I thought I loved you then.

    Nope. Definitely love you know.

    Alexandria recently posted #lowcardiet: wrap up + voting!.

  138. I want this girl to be my student when I become a teacher next year. I’d give her a freakin A and never make her do anything else ever again!

    Jamie recently posted 7 months.

  139. I read that comment and wondered if it was true, or if she was just really funny…

    TURNS OUT SHE’S BOTH!!

    Well played!

    ______________________

    StephanieC @ Seriously?? Really? Seriously? recently posted Cocks. And Gay Marriage..

  140. I PROMISE you this is no lie…I think my 9-year old reads the Bloggess. When I asked yesterday how school was, she replied “it was very….LEARN-Y”. Jenny, judging by the Mariah note and my daughter’s new gloggess-y language, I think you have a fresh new batch of underage, future metal chicken collectors.

    Balanced Idjit recently posted Things that make puppies sing and difficult women behave.

  141. $100 says he now starts reading your blog!

  142. I almost cried last night when I went to check my mail and inside I found what is to date, the BEST birthday gift I’ve gotten: A Copernicus Free Hugs card AND my very own desktop Beyonce from my friend Pauline. Life is good.

  143. You inspire ppl of all ages. Be very proud.

    Brandy recently posted Featuring: Art By Hadley.

  144. I am in LOVE with Mariah!!!! haahahahah This totally made my day! :)

    Erin recently posted Work Conference....Lulu will be there! omFg.

  145. Smart {& funny} kid!

    Devan @ Accustomed Chaos recently posted Gluten Free Crispy Granola Squares.

  146. Awesome! If I were her teacher, I would have given her a + and everyone else a – .

    Janessa recently posted Wordless Wednesday - my 1st one!.

  147. My assessment is as follows: The teacher is a Republican-Baptist with a 4th tier issued teaching credential whose vision is blocked by the walls of his/her own colon. Mariah shines like a diamond in that dark-aged class room. Shine on Mariah. Also, the obligatory obeisance to Her Majesty the Bloggess for showing the way forward to our nation’s young minds. I salute you both but you will have to excuse the nearly silent farting because I really am old and don’t care anymore.

  148. Awesome kid! Too bad the teacher didn’t grade for awesomeness…

  149. Loving Maria. She’s got a whole lifetime of Awesome ahead of her, fo’ sho’.

    Amy recently posted My So-Called Life Rewind.

  150. That girl gets a big fat A in my book for AbsoFuckingloutly Amazing!

  151. Sometimes I give my students some points just for making me laugh. And if that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right. Good job, Mariah.

  152. Most definitely an A+ paper. Plus extra credit for creativity. All those other students probably wrote about the exact same guy. How boring is that?!

    Rachael recently posted Homeschooling: Day One.

  153. Here is a thought, get the teacher’s name and address and send him a Copernicus card from you explaining how he needs to be more specific; also offer him a *hug*

    mousebert recently posted things worth believing in.

  154. OMG, that’s too funny!

    Devon recently posted Up On The Roof by Devon Stewart.

  155. give copernicus the teachers address I say….

  156. Clearly, her teacher has no sense of humor and could use a hug from Copernicus.

    Ed Adams recently posted My Wife Is Basically A Drug Dealer.

  157. Someday, Mariah will wow teh innerwebs with her fantabulous blog. And somewhere in the sidebar will be an ode to The Bloggess, who taught her everything she needed to know.

  158. Wow! A school paper. That is incredible. And I would have given her an ‘A’ for balls and originality.

    ragemichelle recently posted I’m Not As Cool As You And I Never Will Be.

  159. Seriously? Can I adopt her?! Thats awesome!

  160. I would have loved to have seen that teacher’s facial expression when he read that paper.

    Mariah is my new hero. That absolutely made my day!

  161. I think she deserves credit for:

    a) Thinking outside the box
    b) Answering the question, the teacher did not specify WHICH Copernicus
    c) Recalling an accurate quote (which really needs to be put out there more…”A hug is like a strangle you haven’t finished yet” is my favorite quote of the year)

    At least she should get an E for effort instead of that half-assed Do Not Enter sign for a grade.

    Kelly O'Sullivan recently posted I Cried Me a River…Time to Move On.

  162. Wait until he googles The Blogess…… :)

  163. I would have given this student the A+. This is generally why my students are more successful in school, and in life. That is science.

    Laurie recently posted BlogHer -- the Final.

  164. OMG, I completely died reading this post….TOTALLY the laugh that I needed this morning :).

  165. This reminds me of my cousin (when she was little) who is 1/2 Honduran and 1/2 white/Jewish that told her teacher when Summer was over and school started back, that she missed her Tijuana…..but what she was saying was that she missed her “Tia Juana”…(English Translation: Aunt Juana…her mom’s sister who went back home to Honduras after the Summer). HA

  166. How can you be wrong about answering what you know. Even if what you know is wrong, if your assignment is to write that down you are right. Unless the teacher knows for a fact that Mariah also knows about Copernicus the man, in which case she should have written two paragraphs.

    Kitten Thunder's Girl recently posted Purr Physical Therapy.

  167. She is genius!!!

    Janice recently posted How I Spent My Weekend.

  168. Mariah is one BADASS chick!! <33

    Stephanie recently posted Just Another Week in the Life.

  169. I’m thinking Copernicus should make Mariah her very own Valentine card to give to her teacher.

    Carri recently posted Playground Bully.

  170. This is one smart -ass little girl…. I can only hope to teach my nieces to be this great! :)

    Yoli- Yo-Yo- Yolanda recently posted I am the last single girl in my triangle!.

  171. I bet the teacher googled “The Bloggess” within the hour.

    Jenn Sephton recently posted Thankful Thursday.

  172. 174
    Jill Burkett

    I guess I could never be a teacher because I would totally give A’s for thing like that.

  173. I don’t think I could possibly punish my daughter for this if she came home with it, as a matter of fact, I’d take her out for an ice cream or a shopping venture to find her very own Beyonce. A+ in my book.

  174. Love it! I wish that I knew about your blog while I was still in school so that I could write about the things you said!!!

    Ki recently posted Reason #572 that I love Sparrow….

  175. I feel that Mariah should have at least received a “+” for her lovely handwriting :)

  176. Mariah: Future cheeky blogger. Love it!

    Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food recently posted One of those days.

  177. What a bad ass kid!

    Jenna
    momofmanyhats.blogspot.com

    Jenna recently posted Scrub-a-Dub.

  178. I have to give that teacher an F- on his ability to grade a perfectly good paper…or any paper at all since his grading is incomplete. WTF is a minus? Minus what? Minus one teacher, IMO.

    melistress recently posted In Absentia.

  179. I think this teacher should invest a little more time in research before handing out grades. Then he or she would have discovered just exactly how accurate this paper was :)

    Sarah B. recently posted The Robot Video.

  180. Um since when is a “minus” sign a grade? I used to freak out if I had to bring home a letter grade with a minus next to it. I guess if anything it’s preparing her for life. You may “below fail”.

  181. Just goes to show that the school systems don’t teach humor in any form… Sad really.

    My hubby called me, he was having a bad day at work… read him your blog and it cheered him up. Thanks for all that you do…

    I’ll be in the corner practicing my hero-worship face for you Jenny.

    Michelle recently posted Feeling like a slacker….

  182. FANTASTIC!!!

    I loved how you are re shaping America s education system!

    Long live the Blogess

  183. Mariah is AWESOME! I hope that when I have children they are as smart, funny and well read as her. I do believe The Bloggess is helping today’s children!

  184. 186
    Renee Rigdon

    “I got the paper back later that day with a red minus on the top. I’m guessing this is because my paper was so spot on he was too astonished to finish the A+ he was writing.
    Also he probably should have been more specific as to which Copernicus we were writing about.”

    Though I do often have to counsel my son to answer the question he knows is being asked rather than the question he can choose to interpret in vague wording, I gotta say I give this kid an A+ for the commentary.

  185. I think your Klout score just tripled. I saw her comment yesterday and larfed, wondering if she had really done that! Ha!

    Craftwhack recently posted Good Little Doggie.

  186. Best reader ever. :)

  187. Someday I hope to have children like this. In fact, if this was my child, I would definitely go and argue with the teacher in question because clearly he is doing something wrong.

    God. What are they teaching the youth of today?

    Amber Deschamps recently posted BITCH, I EAT HUBRIS FOR BREAKFAST!.

  188. And they say penmanship is dead….

  189. bahahaha! That is awesome. Smart girl.

    Micah recently posted Harry Potter wand tutorial.

  190. Um, yeah – that just TOTALLY made my week, and ALMOST made me like children!

  191. Yes, she is a smart girl and based on her grammar and sarcasm, she’s definitely old enough (mentally, at least) to be perusing thebloggess :)

  192. Funny Stuff! Kids are so creative, and the “by the book” teachers are no fun and do not inspire kids to higher education.

    In 5th grade my child was asked to write a paper on the person they admire most, living or dead. She wrote about Jesus. She had her paper returned with a giant red “F” on it, and an explaination that Jesus was a fictional character. I came unglued!! The teacher eventually was repremanded, and changed the grade. My feeling was how dare that teacher impose her personal agenda on my kid?! And “they” say public school teachers “DON’T” share their personal beliefs with kids?

    My observation; those claiming Christians are intolerant are the intolerant ones.

  193. Ha! That child and I could be besties.

    Reminds me of when in 3rd grade I was asked to write a short story. Instead I just wrote down on of Jack Handy’s “Deep Thoughts” from SNL about smashing jack-o-lanterns. Apparently Mr. George’s wasn’t a fan of SNL and I was sent to the school psychologist :)

  194. Wow – that’s brilliant! What a smart girl. I wish I had had the guts to be that much of a smart-ass when I was that age. Of course, my mother probably would have smacked me. But still…

  195. I have a child like this. It is great. Recently she was assigned the book The Jungle for her American history class. I suggested she go with The Jungle Book instead and complain when there are no questions about Mowgli on the exam. She is clearly my daughter.

  196. I think the teacher should be visited by Beyonce……..ridden by Copernicus…..holding the boar. Knock knock!

  197. 199
    The Original Lisa

    Could you tell Mariah that she needs to come over and start hanging out with Gabi? Cause it looks like they are soul mates. Except Gabi’s teacher would have given her an A++++ for that paper.

  198. Had she cited your blog as the source of her knowledge, it would have been much harder for her teacher to give her the minus. Either way, I love this kid.

  199. Priceless.

  200. Mariah is awesome! I wish I had someone like the bloggess when I was in school. Jenny, you would have made high school life much more manageable.

  201. My faith in the future of America is restored. Thank you, Mariah.

    Julie the Wife recently posted The Mystery of the Broken Pelvis.

  202. This makes me very happy. I wish I’d had role models like you when I was in middle school.

    Tazer Warrior Princess recently posted FYF: Fix the National Debt.

  203. Obviously this teacher is not very well read, otherwise they would have known that Mariah was spot on.

  204. Dear Mariah,

    You have a bright future as a lawyer.

    P.S. Are you adoptable?

    Rachel recently posted Let's go!!! ... Mountaineers!!!.

  205. I find myself using things I read on here in my everyday life also. Sadly, I’m a college student though so I find it hard to be sarcastic in a class I’m paying for. I totally admire her spunk though!!

    Casey recently posted All aboard the crazy train.

  206. This should go on the fridge.

    Megg recently posted Table transformation.

  207. And who says the youth of today are brainless automatons? Mariah…you are a beacon of hope.

  208. You have been replaced. Mariah is my new hero.

  209. That is excellent.

  210. 212
    Product Junkie

    It’s possible that Mariah could negotiate a better grade (aka Cher in the awesome Clueless movie) by printing the “correct” material (and by that I mean, the Bloggess’ blog post and pictures of the line of Valentine’s cards) from which she gathered her info as back-up documentation!

  211. This is too precious!! It’s a shame we mold people when we don’t even want to (or we make ‘em MOLDY)…..UGH….! T:)

    T:) recently posted Penis Jokes are NOT Funny.......

  212. Why wasn’t I that cool when I was a kid? Well done, M.

  213. Reading things like this fills me with delight and gives me confidence in today’s youth.

    Johi recently posted My Life is This Exciting..

  214. Mariah, you are my new hero! Go you for showing creativity and a sense of humor! I love that you took the risk of getting a bad grade but did it anyway. That spirit will get you farther in life than a + on this silly exercise ever would. Keep up the good work!

  215. Wow! I wish I was the cool as a kid. But really, it is the teacher’s fault; I mean he really should have specified which Copernicus he was talking about.

    Rebekah Mae recently posted No Title..

  216. That is GREATNESS! I love it when kids make the adults think outside the box. LOL ;D I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the teacher read that paper. hehehehe Everone needs to enjoy life a little more and laugh A LOT more! :D

    Lori recently posted Can you CARE too much?! Can Love and Compassion Be Toxic?.

  217. She may also have gotten marked down because her assignment is dated way into next week. Either that or she has mastered time travel.

  218. That’s hilarious!!! I hate that she probably got a bad grade because of it, though. That teacher better now watch out for Copernicous.

  219. Oh my gosh, that is just completely awesome. I mean “Look what you’ve done, missy!” tsk tsk :O)

    Jen E @ mommablogsalot recently posted What was I talking about again?.

  220. that is fucking hilarious!

    Maria Trader recently posted Mini Shoot!.

  221. 223
    Heather Greywolf

    Mariah … YOU ROCK OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!
    LOL … I still remember the look on my old teacher’s face when the following conversation ensued:

    ME: “But everyone else was doing it!!”

    MR. HARPER: “If everyone in the world jumped off the Empire State Building, would you do it too?”

    ME: “Well that depends, Sir. If everyone else jumped FIRST?? Hell yeah. There’s an awful lot of people in this world, so if they ALL jumped off the Empire State Building, the resulting pile of bodies would be pretty high. I figure that by the time it was my turn, I’d probably only have a drop of two or three feet.”

    MR. HARPER: (stares at me for a few minutes before putting his head down on the desk and rocking back and forth)

  222. 224
    Pixie Sticks

    I think Mariah should create a “secret message in the banana” to help Copernicus communicate with this teacher.

  223. What an A-hole teacher! It was probably a competion grade to boot! You usually ask students to write what they know before you begin a lesson so you know what you need to cover and what is already in their heads. He should have been more specific if he didn’t want creativity. He’s just lucky she wrote something other than “I don’t know.” What neat penmenship!

    Jaimee recently posted Family Night--MY CHOICE!!! Writing Love Notes.

  224. The teacher was probably scared to give her less than A. I wonder how the next parent-teacher conference is going to go.

    Shawn Richmond recently posted Welcome to the Freak Show!.

  225. Maybe it’s not a minus, but rather a stunned face without eyes.

    Stunned in a “I can’t believe this kid is so brilliant” sort of way.

    bschooled recently posted Tom’s Thumb.

  226. Sigh,..Yet another indicator of the sad state of education in our country.
    HerMelness Speaks , bschooled – Maybe it was a face, but Copernicus ate part of it as a prelude to his vengeance on the teacher?

    El Guapo recently posted What makes a great concert?.

  227. Teachers take their context way too seriously. Eustice thinks she also should print out the Copernicus page complete with publication date) and re-submit it to her teacher. I hate when teachers refuse to have a sense of humor. He should have at least indicated which Copernicus he meant… just because he’s teaching HISTORY… I mean.. HONESTLY. He could have at least told you it’s the WRONG ONE… Yay for not conforming!

    Eustice The Sheep (aka The Nice Lady) recently posted Blue hair isn't just for old ladies.

  228. Reminds me of a edgy English Major I went to school with, who was awarded a fellowship award from the Department. She took a class in Poetry from an instructor at Pacific Lutheran University who she didn’t particularly care for, even though she assisted in publishing the annual Poetry booklet.

    For the essay final, the professor walked to the blackboard and wrote, “What makes good poetry?”

    My friend, Anne Halley was first to leave the wrote after dating her essay. To my amazement she quipped to me after I asked what was her answer,

    “A good poet.”

    She was given a failing grade on the essay. But now has a Phd. from Stanford University in English.

    Casey Applen recently posted The Good Son.

  229. That is so damn funny I ALMOST peed my pants. I love this little girl for her guts and innocence. Thanks for sharing and making my day!

  230. I’m forwarding this to my own daughter because reading the Bloggess is one of the many inappropriate ways we bond. This and listening to Fishbone. I’d like to think that this is exactly the sort of paper she would write, herself.

  231. May I just say that your daughter is INGENIOUS! :)

  232. That teacher should be hung by the short hairs growing on her humorless chin, and forced to spend a night in an abandoned house with Copernicus

    LA Juice recently posted Anna Farris Stole my “Slut Quotient” and Made a Bad Movie Out of It. No- For Real..

  233. That minus was DEFINITELY because your name was spelled wrong. Her teacher is probably an avid reader and got offended.

    Here’s what you should do: send an email to the teacher and tell her that you’re not upset over the mistake. That should fix Mariah’s grade.

    By the way, I heard Beyonce is preggers, so I’m calling dibbs on the baby metal chickens. Sheesh, she’s getting a LOT of attention lately.
    :)

    Maria recently posted Pluto is the victim of discrimination..

  234. My dd – 11 – reads your blog and hyperbole and a half all. the. time. I warn her “NEVER say any of this stuff at school, mkay? I could totally see her writing that paper. ROFL.

  235. Dear Jenny,

    Have you seen this? http://www.ebay.com/itm/ALLIGATOR-TOILET-BRUSH-HOLDER-BATH-ACCESSORIES-SWAMP-/120770460515?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item1c1e7afb63#ht_1399wt_1165

    The alligator seems to be stuffing the brush into a gruesome little pouch on the front of its abdomen. The page says it’s a “GREAT ADDITION TO YOUR SWAMP PEOPLE THEMED BATHROOM.”

    cordially,
    freya

    freya recently posted Cold Calling: Seven Strategies to Take Away the Pain.

  236. How sweet.
    I just discovered one of my regular readers is only 15. I’d left some pretty twisted comments at her site the past few months. I probably shoulda felt bad about it, but couldn’t quite.

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted There’s nothing worse than a moose that can’t hold it’s liquor.

  237. I’m sure that the minus with a circle around it is to signify a WHOLE NEW form of grading – as the current one wouldn’t do her paper justice.

  238. Wanton impertinence without injury is my favorite thing!

  239. In high school I turned in some homework that compared some Shakespeare play to the movie The Jerk, which I had just seen for the first time. My teacher was nice enough to not penalize me but did request in red pen that I not do it anymore.

    Mariah – never, ever, lose your sense of humor. Mind you, don’t stop giving a shit, but also, don’t lose your sense of humor!

    Carrie recently posted Why the Name Cannibalistic Nerd?.

  240. Hi Carrie,

    I’m really curious: which Shakespeare play was it??

    freya recently posted Cold Calling: Seven Strategies to Take Away the Pain.

  241. is it possible her teacher is actually William Shatner?

  242. Today I have decided that while I love you Jenny, I now also adore your readers… I laughed for a long time. :)

    Dana recently posted It's Friday And It's Turning Out To Be A Good One!.

  243. Ah.Maz.Ing

  244. Herein lies the problem. Copernicus has infiltrated my mind. Much like a German cockroach but a lot cuter and with more leprosy, he’ll survive us all. I love Copie and yet…I’m firm that he shouldn’t scare the children. This is my only standard, I’m a whore in every other way.

    GirltoMom- Heidi recently posted Aging Gracefully.

  245. The teacher obviously has no imagination. How could he give her a “-” without even asking about Copernicus. Seriously. He’s the one with the issues. I think Copernicus should visit him while he’s sleeping.

  246. Dunno what’s with the comments about the date … it clearly reads 9/8/11 and that was yesterday. I suffer myopia, presbyopia and astigmatism and I could read it! Just let me put on my readers and look again … yup, still says 9/8/11. Y’all confusin’ the slash for a one and seein’ 9/18? Move to the head of the class, Mariah.

  247. I say bombard the teacher with photos of metal chickens, all saying “Bad call, MOFO”

  248. Mariah’s next assignment: Zombies vs. Unicorns – Who would win and why?

    Mr Farty recently posted When Aliens Attack.

  249. Miss Bloggess! You should send her some of your Valentine’s day cards so she can give them our next Feb. :-D THEN her teacher will learn!

    Lesley recently posted Fairy Tales: My Wishes and Dreams.

  250. High five to Mariah for being the coolest kid ever! I would have totally given that paper a plus if she was in my class!

    Misty @ The Family Math recently posted On depression, fear and anxiety.

  251. I think you found your successor should you ever fancy retirement. :-)

  252. Love it! Jenny, your fanbase is just as awesome as you are, judging by these comments. And posts like this are seriously making me rethink my stance on never having kids. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing… just an “uh oh” thing!

    I still haven’t recovered from my friendship with another crazy, free-spirited Jenny and totally embarrassing myself around her. Knowing me, I’d probably be humiliating around you if we ever met, haha.

    Nick recently posted "Enemies and Rivals: Part 1".

  253. I’m a teacher. She would have gotten an A+ just for making me LOL. Her teacher needs more Bloggess in his life.

  254. How can she get an F? I mean, she was accurate, right?

    Mary recently posted Conserving Water.

  255. Such a smart young girl =D

    Courtney recently posted Reason #5: Dream Interpretation.

  256. So now you’re influencing school children’s homework and history lessons?

    Victor may be right.

    Although, the real Copernicus wasn’t quite as interesting as the homicidal stuffed monkey Copernicus.

    Will you get credit for rewriting our country’s history books on Copernicus?

    Shan @ Shan's Shreds Designs recently posted Ten Years.

  257. Minus this “Teach”. Clearly this child should be tested out of the grade she is in and be moved up two grades (minimum) due to her blatant genius. I would like to see the teacher’s paper on Copernicus and then have a “paper off” and see who gets more votes. Democracy at it’s finest.

  258. …. did you (or Copernicus) totally just spend $250 on a petrified cat named Precious?

    http://yankeedaughter.blogspot.com/2011/09/precious-petrified-cat-my-mummified.html?spref=fb

  259. I thought perhaps you mean MOULDING the minds of today’s youth…

  260. I believe Mariah has a bright future in college. This is what they are talking about when they say “think outside the box.” She will do well in life.

  261. That is so funny! You are definitely molding the next generation, one child at a time. That could be a T-shirt.

    Purple Stinky Onion
    (PSO)

    Jenny recently posted I Love My Patients.

  262. Best. Compliment. EVER!

    Tattoo My Heart recently posted Things I've Done I Should Be Ashamed Of, But I'm Not.

  263. okay so this is unrelated to your post, but i couldn’t find a ‘contact me’ anywhere, so i’m posting this here. i found beyonce on tumblr. <3 glorious tumblr and it's gloriousness.

  264. This is the most awesome thing I have ever seen! Mariah gets 10 gold stars!

  265. This is about 127 kinds of awesome!

  266. Upon using my amazing mastery of ‘teh intarwebz’, it looks like our fabulous Mariah is a Sophomore in High School (probably around 15 yrs. old). Plenty old enough to be studying at the feet of our illustrious Bloggess :)

    Rock on, young smart aleck!

  267. had one of my students turned that in, it would have been an A++! of course, they’re only first graders, so they probably couldn’t read this blog (yet) or write that well (yet)…

    manda recently posted Freak Outs and Melt Downs.

  268. She totally deserves an A *and* bonus points for that paper.

    Elle recently posted Depression is an asshole and a scary rollercoaster ride of emotions..

  269. She would really fit in at our house! I’d be all defensive mommy to that teacher for giving her a minus. As the saying in my house goes, “Better to be a smart ass than a dumb ass!”

    Christine Bobowski-Powell recently posted Monday, WTH!.

  270. This may be the most awesome thing I’ve seen all week. Thanks for a much-needed giggle. And I may have peed a little.

  271. Poor Mariah. She is yet another victim of the public school system who has decided there is only one way to learn. And only one way to spell Blogess. And only one homicidal monkey to learn about, and that was the one that corrupted Darwin into even THINKING about evolution.

    Lorca Damon recently posted The Official Medical Diagnosis: Old Age.

  272. Come on. Unless he specified which freaking Copernicus the class was supposed to write about, he should reconsider her grade. Oh, wait, she forgot about the Facebook page…THAT must be why she got a minus.

    Vesta Vayne recently posted The Apocalypse Purse – Stop Denying Evolution.

  273. “I think someone should send that teacher one of Copernicus’ valentines. He obviously needs a hug.”

    Delivered by Beyonce. In “person” (chicken?). At the front door to the classroom.

    “Knock knock, fothermucker.”

    ~EdT.

    EdT. recently posted AWW: Butterflies are Free (One Day Only).

  274. I’m in love with this kid. Brilliant!

    KpAustinWeird recently posted New Props – Wood Blocks.

  275. Awesome niece. 529 anyone?

    cathy recently posted Awkward Photojournalism.

  276. What an awesome kid. Can I adopt her??

    Karen Peterson recently posted It's Friday and My Brain is Fried.

  277. “MAY OR MAY NOT BE HOMICIDAL?”
    Bless her heart.

    GirltoMom- Heidi recently posted F*ck It Lists.

  278. Dear Mariah, you just made my day. I am going to steal you and bring you back to third grade. It is way more interesting than world history. I promise. And, I totally would have given you an A+ for being a sassy pants. Obviously strangling hugs have had a much greater impact on society than the whole sun being at the center of the universe thing.

    Bloggess, with two g’s, i now love you ten times more than I did before.

    @OutofGoldStars recently posted sharp nails.

  279. Probably? You are TOO modest. You are mos def wreaking havoc on the youth of today. I only hope my kid is cool enough to write about Copernicus one day. And is not so reliant on spellcheck as to be able to correctly spell the names of the bloggers he reads. Dream big, I always say.

    Joules recently posted Sometimes Bad Brinner Happens To Good People.

  280. Dear Bloggess — I worship you for your ability to transcribe life so well that perfect strangers pee their pants laughing at what you write. THAT is what I strive for. Alas, I fear I will never attain your skill level, but that won’t deter me!! Keep it up, girl.

  281. Well done, Mariah. Now if only you had written it on a banana…THAT would be “A work”, my friend!

  282. I spent the whole day totally fucked up emotionally because 9/11 is coming and there’s a terror alert in NYC and my kids seem hell bent on scaring the shit out of me every day by doing all kinds of dangerous stuff but today’s post made me laugh in a way that helped erase some of my day’s stresses.

    What a brilliant young lady to write an essay like that. The last sentence, in my humble opinion, is the funniest. Thank you.

    "Susan Says..." recently posted The Tenth Anniversary: Some Final Thoughts ABout 911*.

  283. She should have gotten an A for originality!

    Domestic Debbie recently posted Organic Produce Buying Guide.

  284. Haha, that’s awesome! As a teacher, (English, not History), I probably would have at least given points for creativity. At least you know Mariah is reading!

    (Newly Graduated) Irish Belle recently posted How to Make Yourself Look Instantly Thinner, Taller, and Lifted!.

  285. I so hope her teacher looked up your blog after reading this.

    renee recently posted waiting for the rain this evening.

  286. As a history teacher I would have totally given her credit for the paper. It’s modern culture and that earns an A any day.

  287. Clearly that teacher was too lazy to use Google. A simple search of Bloggess and Copernicus would have confirmed everything. I think Mariah’s paper is worthy of a spot of honor on the fridge.

    Stacey recently posted Sweetness.

  288. I know I am stupid late to the party. But that paper is the best paper ever written ever in the history of eductaion ever.

  289. Mariah’s teacher needs to fact check. That girl got it right!

    elz recently posted Craft Day- Silhouette Success!.

  290. Girl, I love you…but that post just spanked of your vernacular. I think Mariah is made up and you are the stoner grandma.

  291. AHAHAHA… brilliant.

    Kerry recently posted Five Question Friday.

  292. Just so you know, I googled, “Copernicus monkey history paper” and you came up as the first link. I’m not sure why anybody would want to google it, but there it is. Well, I did it, but just to make a point. Again, there it is.

    Notagiantsquid recently posted What Is Wrong With You People?.

  293. Jenny, Winston Churchill said, “History is written by the victors.” I don’t think he meant men like your husband, but people who win something–like a war, or a contest for awesomest blog. Since you are totally victorious, your homicidal monkey deserves to be the Copernicus that school children learn about.

    Brian the Kwyjibo recently posted Either You Are, or You're Not.

  294. That totally made my day! Mariah should have gotten an A+++++

  295. That is truly and incredibly awesome. She is both a scholar and a gentleman. I willl one day shake her hand… or at least A Mariah’s hand, and will pretend it is this Mariah.

    Ninja Mike recently posted A book for all... except camels.

  296. copernicus should post this on his facebook page so more minions can enjoy the unfinished strangleness

    suburbngypsy recently posted well, that's unexpected....

  297. If one of my kids turned that in I would probably laugh too hard to finish marking it. I can only assume this is what happened here

  298. If I’m lucky, this will be MY daughter some day!

    Meg recently posted So many chickens….

  299. Daughter from another mother?? Does she have a blog?

  300. The kid was robbed by an unimaginative teacher and that is why this country is turning out clones instead of people with the ability for free thinking.

  301. Your Copernicus post was genius. I am thinking that the teacher knew that to be true, but couldn’t mention it. Probably gave Mariah a minus because Bloggess was misspelled. just a guess, dickie

    Richard W. Schlueter recently posted Serious Interviewing Answers.

  302. 309
    christine m. east of toronto

    when you retire i think we can safely say you can pass the torch of bloggess-ness to mariah!

  303. In a better universe the history teacher would have given her an A with this note: “Would have been an A+, but you spelled her name wrong.”

    subWOW recently posted Raised by My Child.

  304. Love it!!

  305. To know that you are able to positively influence a generation is bringing a tear to my eye. My two oldest minions are 12 and 15, and read my blog way too often for their own good. Hopefully, I’m influencing them towards a life filled with sarcasm and fun.

    Anna Nonamus recently posted Things That "Get My Goat".

  306. The world is easily divided into two camps….those who “get it” and those who don’t. In over 60 years on this earth I have come to realise that little can be done or even said about those who don’t. Mariah clearly gets it and if I were this teacher I would certainly want to sit down and have Mariah explain her essay…out of pure curiosity!!! But no, “I wanted you to say Copernicus was an astronomer frm the 15th century who discovered retrograde motion…..” blah, blah, blah….Do you see? DO YOU SEE WHAT’S WRONG WITH OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM IN AMERICA!!!!!!??????? Mariah’s Mom needs to get her out of that government school quickly!

  307. Priceless! – Reminds me of the response one of my children gave on a math test. Seems he had no idea how to answer the question so he wrote “I can’t answer this question due to my religious convictions.” The teacher placed a small question mark next to it, but gave him credit for his answer. I can only imagine the conversation in the staff lounge during lunch….

  308. Hee hee hee, I wonder if the teacher was on google and this very blog that night, figuring it all out! if yes, world of wonder for him… if not, this may not be a big score. Either way, the kid rocks!

    alfred lives here recently posted Fab-u-lous Gay Marriage Signs....

  309. Mariah! I love Mariah. I wish I’d had the guts to submit assignments like that.

    PS – I told Hubby about this and he didn’t really get it (as usual). But then I showed him a pic of Copernicus and he said “Oh. That monkey *is* fucking EVIL.” We’re getting through to him! Success!

    Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted 30 (or 100) Day Blog Challenge.

  310. Oh how I hope that this is really written by a child. She is brilliant!

  311. My daughter, at about age 15, either second or third in her class, standing in an elevator at the mall with only two floors: “Mom, why do they even need more than one button—there’s only one other floor?” Sheer brilliance or madness? We, her parents, have never quite been able to figure that one out.

    Love the Bloggess. Love the bad grammar and bad spelling in so many comments on this topic of poor school system (especially the ones from teachers). Love Mariah. Love the fact that my kid graduated third in her class in H.S., then had a solid B average at one of the top private (all girls) colleges in the Southeast, only to ask at the next family gathering after her college graduation, “What’s the Lost Colony?” Wouldn’t have been QUITE so “could have heard a pin drop” type of a moment, if not for the fact that she is North Carolina born and bred.

    Peace, Love and Bobby Sherman.

    That is all.

  312. My best friend kept telling me tidbits about your blog and that I just had to read it. Today I decided I would take a quick peak to kill her badgering. I had all these plans today of everything I had kept putting off, was going to be done. I started my day at 9:00 am and it’s now 1:00 pm and I am totally hooked. I have never laughed so hard in my life! Thanks for the refreshing outlook and now I am going to go shopping for a GIANT metal chicken to leave at her doorstep. HA! HA!

  313. God, I hope my kid grows up to be like her.

  314. Cue weeping teacher: “What is HAPPENING???”

  315. I applaud Mariah’s creativity and spunk.  She will be a great writer one day.

    Barbara recently posted Three Liebster Awards! And Yes, I Am Still Dancing….

  316. I will totally vote for Mariah for president in 2040, or whenever. I’m pretty sure the teacher was too busy nominating her for a Pulitzer Prize for her vast knowledge and mad writing skillz to finish the A+. (I was going to write “phenominal” but got the squiggly red line, so I went with “mad skillz.”)

    Rock on, Mariah. You are a girl with a vision.

    Dani recently posted facebooking from the edge...: Wait for the beep....

  317. LOVE it!

    Katie recently posted Pick Your Prize Giveaway!.

  318. Teachers are what’s wrong with the world today.

    Jerri recently posted Tips for Attending Oktoberfest in Munich.

  319. So glad my boredom in history class has brightned the day of many :)

    Mariah recently posted Awkward —What?.

  320. The teacher clearly did not do enough research on his own. He should have Googled Copernicus + Bloggess. Mariah would have got an A+ and some school district award or something.

    Karen Hawks recently posted Me, Myself and I.

  321. Am I the only one who is twitching with the desire to reach into the computer screen and dot all of those “i’s”???

    tracey recently posted To top it all off, I was wearing a Thong....

  322. Since when is a minus a grade? This teacher is obviously lazy, and I’m sure an excellent candidate for Copernicus to hug/strangle.

    Allie recently posted Hooker with a Heart of Play-Doh.

  323. I just wanted to share with you that I’m a secondary teacher in Texas and I totally stole your question for Neil Gaiman for my first writing assignment of the year. I wrote the question on the board and required them to answer it using whole sentences and extensive details about how and why either the zombies or the unicorns would win. I used this with students aged 12-17, of all different academic levels, and it was a HUGE success!! They absolutely loved it. I’m seriously thinking about asking my school district to consider your blog an educational resource, and introducing my students to Copernicus, the homicidal stuffed monkey for my next writing assignment. Also, my 18-year-old freshman in college daughter was reeled into your world by your love of not only Neil, but Nathan Fillion, and she is now busily sharing your blog with other people at St. Edward’s in Austin. I call that a win-win. THANKS, Y’ALL!

  324. I think that teacher deserves Copernicus Valentine cards.
    Maybe Copernicus could even send a friend request to the teacher?

  325. Mariah’s writing, and sense of humor, has a strong Bloggess influence! I liked it SO much!

  326. See, this is why I homeschool…there’s no room for thinking outside the box in the school system. If my kids gave me this answer, I’d be on the floor. And that always gets bonus points.

    Leila recently posted Here, Have Some Spam for Breakfast.

  327. “The devil is in the details, Mariah”

    You get me every damn time! I’m so not in the mood to laugh and you totally stuck it to me with that one.

  328. As a teacher, I would have given this paper an A.

  329. Stumbled across your blog. So hilarious. Can I be your friend?

  330. This has MADE MY DAY! She should get an A+ for being so worldly

    Amy recently posted Ten.

  331. Oh. My. Gosh! I AM a teacher and if a student handed this in they would get like 100 bonus points. A++++++++++++
    That teacher SHOULD have been more specific. World History doesn’t just have to do with ancient times, but things that are happening all over the WORLD. DUH! Isn’t a past blog considered “World History”?

    the single teacher recently posted Creepers and Swamp Donkeys.

  332. As a teacher, I scan the funny stuff I get b4 returning the papers.

  333. moled the minds

  334. See the problem is that teachers need to tell students what’s right with their compositions as much as they need to tell them what’s wrong. I may be off base here, but I think that’s the internatinal symbol for ‘Non Sequitur’, in other words … you win! :) Bravo!

    Jay Schwartz recently posted Lie To Me! Fabrications, Fables, Fairy Tales And Fibs.

  335. I have nothing to say, but I couldn’t leave without sharing the gales of laughter this post brought me to…lololololol.

  336. And this is why I love being a teacher. Because I would have given her an A++ just for knowing who you are. That teacher obviously needs to spend more time online and less time in the history books.

  337. Honestly, he really SHOULD have specified. Besides, anyone would rather write about Copernicus the homicidal monkey more than the human Copernicus.

    Hattie recently posted Hatred Isn't Just for Slytherins and Gryffindors Anymore. Apparently Even Hufflepuffs Have the Mental Capacity for it..

  338. Mariah is a genius1

    Susan recently posted I Remember.

  339. I can only hope that my 4 year old, who just started Junior Kindergarten last week, will be this resourceful when she is as old as Mariah.
    On another note I have to let my husband know that it is never a good idea to let your wife cook dinner if she has been drinking.

  340. and this is what we pay taxes for? Uneducated, insensitive TEACHERS??? I don’t care if you have tenure teach, if you don’t give Mariah an immediate A+ for her creative and correct answer, you should be fired. Mariah, you ROCK. I may need a Mariah T shirt !!!!

    Laurie F. recently posted Never, Ever Do This.

  341. holy crap… I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself!!!
    :D

  342. Hahaha for starters, I love that mariah is bold enough to so this! This story made my day.
    Second I really like how you link names, phrases, and comments you make in your blog to other posts.
    Such as liking mariahs name to her own blog, and copernicus to his photo. That is a great way to help readers understand comments you make about the past or to shwo them what it is you are talking about!

    Lindsey recently posted JT – “I’ll never stop playing music”.

  343. As a high school teacher myself, I can assure you I do my part to give a pat on the back to any student exhibiting creativity and a good sense of humor, and even sometimes a dash of (appropriate) homicidal reference. I hope Mariah continues to submit material related to your posts, so the teacher will discover the hilarity of your blog and be a better role model for Mariah. If said teacher discovers your blog and continues marking Mariah down, then I hope Mariah continues her submissions, and encourages her classmates to do so as well, in the hopes that the teacher will come around or become so bat shit crazy she leaves the profession. Without a sense of humor, teaching is hell.

    A Morning Grouch recently posted Nyquil is the Antichrist.

  344. It may have been Mariah’s own fault that she got a minus because she didn’t make sure she had the correct Copernicus (or spelled your name correctly whichever the case may be) but you’re still going to hell for corrupting little children. It’s either you or the monkey that’s going. I’m just saying.

    Spilling Ink recently posted Are you making your world small?.

  345. So freaking fabulous. But. If that kid is reading this at her young, tender age, she’s gonna need some therapy. Or a very strong man in her future. I want to meet her mom, she’s likely a bad ass and a good drinking freind to have.

    Heather @ That Uncomfortable Itch recently posted Outta here..

  346. Maybe her history teacher is a friend of Victor?

  347. I decided to “test” my husband. He was busy on his iPad, probably harassing William Shatner on Twitter or something. I was unloading the dishwasher and decided to make some small talk, when I randomly interjected “come here, and smell my eyeballs”. He didn’t even glance up from the iPad and just said “ok. Let me finish this, first.” I asked if he thought the request was weird, and he said “After 4 years of marriage to you, nothing seems odd. That seems like a perfectly normal request.” I’m not sure if this is an epic win, or an epic fail.

  348. I think this is great, if I were her mom I would put it on the frig. I couldn’t stop laughing.

    Grace recently posted Abi at Play #13.

  349. Holy Jesus, that’s hilarious!! Way to go Mariah!

    Jana A recently posted The Brightest Sky on the Darkest Day: Remembering 9/11.

  350. And they say our youth is in trouble…Mariah needs to run for student council president.

  351. Dear Miss Bloggess,

    I just wanted you to know that I pimped you on my blog today. (not that you need it) Today, as my imaginative bestie, we are going shopping and getting coffee. this weekend we are having a slumber party.
    Jackie

    Jackie recently posted Someone WAY cooler than me.

  352. this actually makes me feel good about my ability to do homework with my monkeys. suddenly I feel a lot more qualified. thanks for that

    angelica recently posted August family (self) portrait.

  353. I love it!

    Mariah should challenge the grade. She has a great case: Obviously the teacher was not clear as to which Copernicus they were referring. Spelling aside, she did a bang-up job on relaying what we all know about Copernicus (THM).

    Kernut the Blond recently posted Blond vs. Blonde. Vanna, can I buy an “E”?.

  354. Almost feel as if you should take her on as your intern. Mariah is EERILY too much like you…

    SUPAHMAMA recently posted Day 21. Micro..

  355. Mariah should DEFINITELY get extra credit from her teacher for landing in a blog post that is read by something like 50K people monthly. That’s pretty darn impressive! She’ll also get all “A’s” in reading comprehension :o)

  356. That is too fabulous! I think Mariah deserves an A++

    I bet the teacher had fun discussions with co-workers over that paper!

    Tracie recently posted I Had Never Heard of the World Trade Center.

  357. Those undotted “i’s” are still bothering me. Can I get her address? I MUST DOT THE I’s.

    tracey recently posted In which I test what I like to call "The Bloggess Effect.".

  358. Don’t worry, she’s not as young as you think she is. I’m sure she’s probably from the future and just thinking that this would make an awesome post, she came back from the year 2028 in order to submit this paper to her teacher but unfortunately dated it a week and a half AFTER you posted it on your blog. I’m on to you, Mariah.

  359. Umm, leahwine? Her paper is dated Sep. 8…that’s a slash between the 9 and the 8.

  360. Mariah: single-handedly giving skeptics hope for America’s future. This is awesome!

    Alison Lee recently posted U SUCK @ GRAMMER: Affect/Effect Edition.

  361. That’s the sweetest damn thing I’ve seen in awhile! You must be so incredibly proud of her…as she obviously is of you.

    jacqui recently posted Boo Chasing Babes Gone Wild….

  362. This is freakin’ adorable! I only wish I had thought of writing stuff like that for my own assignments :)

  363. I really can’t add anything worthy here. Yes, Mariah needs some Copernicus cards to haunt the teacher for the rest of the year. . . if he survives that long. And Comments 50 and 224 about sum it up for me.

  364. Bloggess you rock! I want to be you when I grow up! :)

    Alinka Malinka recently posted I’m not flirting. I’m just being nice and polite..

  365. I am beyond impressed with this girl. Hilarious.

    Watch out for that girl!

    How confused must that teacher have been?

    The Mommy Therapy recently posted I Blame This, And Every Other Bad Thing That Happens Until October On The Heat.

  366. There’s a link to Mariah’s blog in the OP. Y’all should definitely check the kid out.

  367. Well, I thought that was who Copernicus was, you put all thought of the original right out of my mind with all the talk about that stuffed monkey and his antics.
    BTW, you’ve inspired me to start a new writing blog instead of just concentrating on my poetry. Poor Shannon says now she’ll have to be a part of the blogosphere just like Victor, even without writing in it. …..bwahahaha

  368. The minus totally has to be for misspelling your name.

    Andra Watkins recently posted Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.

  369. This kid is going to grow up to be president!

  370. FTW! That is truly all I have to say about that…

    Steph B. recently posted The Often Forgotten MMC Member.

  371. Mariah gets points for writing to you in your own style.

    And I could use a daily dose of Bloggess, so could you please write more!

    Thank you.

  372. You know her teacher totally loved it but can’t admit to her that he reads you so he had to just give the ambiguous minus as a grade.

  373. lol, well maybe she was docked for not sighting her sources. You they are cracking down on that stuff. Like you said, the devil is in the details.

    Dawn Marie recently posted Trip down memory lane...part one.

  374. The awesomeness of this is beyond words. I am going to have to start letting my kids read your blog as soon as they can read so that when they have to write about who Beyonce is they can write about a giant metal chicken who says “knock knock motherfucker.”

    The Dalai Mama recently posted Picture Day.

  375. This is so pants wettingly funny! I want the whole thing read out as part of the Eulogy at my funeral ….ohhhh to see the quizzical looks …or sage nods of agreement. All hail Copernicus!

    Sally Pitman recently posted Vogue Photo Shoot.

  376. Also, a period she be on the outside of quotation marks, and there should be a bibiliography page. I agree with grade.

    jk

  377. So this has nothing to do with this post, but I saw this and thought of you….

  378. That’s just fucking awesome!!!!! I can see why that would make your day!!!

    Julie Nemitz recently posted A stitching update and other things.

  379. Why is it that I think you just found your new intern? Maybe she could guest post from time to time.

    Brandon Smith recently posted Gimlet = opinion? Or wild ploy for commentary?.

  380. Um, obviously that should have been an A+. You should have a word with the teacher to be clearer in directions next time.

    Marta recently posted When Your Mother Calls You a Bitch.

  381. loved it! Totally reminds me of some of the stuff my daughter comes up with at school!

    Michelle recently posted You want the sunrise to go back to bed I want to make you laugh.

  382. So hilarious. I love your blog.

  383. Hahahaha!

    If my sister ever has to write a paper about Copernicus I am so directing her here…she’s 13. :-)

    Beth recently posted This is why I'm making THIS blog....

  384. Your blog cracks me up. Thought of the perfect tagline for it the other day. Watch this Arrested Development clip first: http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi1748959257/.

    The Bloggess: A blog that WON’T kidnap and kill you. (underline won’t because that makes the competition look like they would.)

    Thanks for keeping me laughing!

  385. I think (hope, fingers crossed, salt over the shoulder) I’m raising two Mariah-like kids. Now if only I could find a babysitter like her, I could seal the deal – and their fate. Mariah, great paper. And another dose of awesomeness from TheBloggess gets me through the day. Gx

    ShoeGal007 recently posted Massaging Hairless People Would be Cool.

  386. His made my freaking day. Ah nothing like it. At my kids school it prob would have received an A.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate,
    Tiffany

    Tiffany recently posted Hey Pretty Girl.

  387. I wish Mariah was one of my students! She’d totally get an A, if only for her insight about more specific directions. :)

  388. I laughed out loud when I read the note from Mariah!

  389. I found Copernicus’ long lost pedophiliac Uncle.

    http://lancaster.craigslist.org/atq/2575387951.html

  390. Tonight I was helping my nephew do his homework. His assignment: come up with a form of writing that starts with each letter of the alphabet. (i.e. B- Book, D-Directions, M-Magazine…)

    For Z? Zombie Apocalypse Survival Handbook. I thought you would approve. I had to argue with him that it was indeed a real thing, that the Zombie Apocalypse is all the rage these days.

    Gretchen recently posted (Literal) Marital Bliss.

  391. Oh. My. Bloggess. I knew you were shaping the mind of a 35 yr old woman from Houston, but this one takes the Copernicus cake. Perhaps you should consider a side job as a teacher. TheHighSchoolForThePerformingAndVisualArts might love to have a Bloggess 101 class.

    Amy from Houston recently posted Nine Eleven: The Day The World Changed Forever.

  392. Classic; disturbing, but classic.

    Bill Dorman recently posted Did anyone else feel that?.

  393. I am about to say the most cliche thing ever and I don’t care I just can’t hold it back. I LOVE YOUR FUCKING BLOG! You are hilarious!! I love it ~ finally someone who REALLY puts it out there. Newest follower!!

    Shia recently posted The Men of True Blood.

  394. Freya,
    I don’t remember. What I do remember is that I was discussing the notion of irony (maybe it was Hamlet? Romeo and Juliet? almost any Shakespeare play ever?) and talked about how, when Navin worked at the gas station, he wore a pristine white uniform which never had a speck of dirt on it. So, i was making a proper comparison and understanding the meaning of irony, thus, wasn’t docked any points for it. Good times.

    Carrie recently posted Two Things You Don’t Want to Hear a Doctor Say in Sequential and Horrific Order.

  395. When my 17yo son told me last year (when he was 16) that he wanted to write satire for a living, I directed him to your blog and told him to read through it. Some time toward the end of the school year, I received a call from his English teacher who was horrified by a paper he had written. My son may or may not have used the word “stabbed” in a context that was not “I stepped on a nail and it stabbed me in the foot.” Yeah. It was the other kind of stabbed. The kind that sets off the “your child needs therapy” red flag. It didn’t help matters any that I went into a fit of laughter when she read the story to me. It set off the “Oh my goodness, his mother needs therapy too” red flag. The teachers are just jealous that you have a book coming out and they don’t.

  396. Lol! Good one. : -) Bless Mariah’s heart. What grade is she in? I especially like, “…I’m guessing this is because my paper was so spot on he was too astonished to finish the A+ he was writing…” Xactly.

  397. New here and browsing, “A hug is like a strangle you haven’t finished yet” is brilliant !!

    JohnTeal recently posted American Soda.

  398. Had I been the teacher, and had I not known what she was talking about, I would have read the blog that night, then given her that A+…but at the same time, asked her to write something about the other Copernicus…just to round out her education!

  399. It’s always nice to see children born with such an innate ability for snark.

    Jessica recently posted OMFG Greeting Card - Turquoise Blue Typewriter Font Block Print - 5 x 7 inches.

  400. So it’s not me that did this, but damn- this little bitch is 1. awesome, 2. has an awesome name, because 3. she’s *fucking* awesome.

  401. This girl is obviously brilliant and needs to be passed on to the next grade immediately because this particular teacher is only keeping her down.

  402. OMG! I’m laughing my ass out. Her teacher hath possessed no sense of humor.

    Lady G recently posted Blue Ocean Seafood Restaurant.

  403. I’m pretty sure that kid deserves an A+

    Suze recently posted Even the Best Husbands Can Say Douchey Things.

  404. You have reached a new level of awesomeness with this. Seriously.

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted How to Make Good Things Happen.

  405. I wish there were more children like this, I fear I wont find a kid to force my son to become friends with the way we’re going. Kids are boring, rude and uninspired these days. Good for you Mariah, you are the future of famous internet writers whose blogs I will stalk.

  406. 415
    indeterminate vegetable

    I would get in so much trouble if this kid was in my class…because I would have to give her some kind of points for it. HAVE TO

  407. omg this is faaab!

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