Any publicity is…um…you know what? I’m not even sure anymore.

A friend of mine just told me that if you search for “giant dildo” on Amazon you get something very unexpected on the very first page of results.  So I tried it.  And she’s right.

I don’t even have the words, you guys.

320 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Riveting fun for everyone that will have you panting for more?

    SaraBeth recently posted Sweater Song.

  2. Wait, you didn’t SEO for that?

    Ellie Di recently posted {Inkchanger Week} The unpublished epilogue.

  3. Wait. You can buy dildos on Amazon? Are they Prime eligible?

    Kerri. recently posted D-Blog Week: We, the Undersigned, Pledge to Run Like a Velociraptor is Chasing Us..

  4. Does this mean your book doubles as a bedroom aid? Because if so, we’ve been doing it wrong.

    daniel recently posted K-9 Complete Series Giveway.

  5. Houston, we have a problem.

    Suebob recently posted Mom 2.0 Mop-Up.

  6. Books do turn me on… but not like that.

    Allison recently posted Tears to Laughter.

  7. You could do a two-for-one deal. Book + dildo. That would probably work.

    LisaR @ Who Stole My Baby? recently posted Making Kids Eat.

  8. Hell yeah, ALL publicity is good sister! Living in Los Angeles is proof of that or have I been living here too long? Totally possible.

  9. Well, your book did give me much pleasure. I’ll leave it at that.

  10. Awesome. I envy your versatility. Sigh.

  11. You learn so much from the internets! Apparently your book has multiple uses…

  12. Someone is using your book wrong.

    Or maybe I was…

    (I read it)

  13. Am I the only one wondering how your “friend” came by such knowledge? Though I suppose it’s not all that noteworthy. Carry on, then.

    Michelle recently posted Avert Your Eyes.

  14. Congratulations on one of the most creative ways to publicize a book I’ve ever seen, even though it wasn’t a conscious decision. Every horny woman on the planet will be aware of your book. This totally rocks!

  15. 15
    shroomgirl

    I hope your friend found what she wanted :)

  16. omFg!!! Well I suppose, but if you’re seriously looking for a giant dildo, you might be disappointed at book recommendations…maybe they think if we are searching for GIANT dildos (as opposed to small ones?), maybe we should just sit down and have a good laugh instead?

  17. I have to tell you about our book club’s experience reading your book…see my mom is in our book club…and see my mother is from Spain. So she likes to participate in our book club for her vocabulary and it gives her a chance to engage with other ladies too. So the other day as she was finishing up your book she called me and asked me about a particular word that she didn’t know what it was, the conversation went like this:
    Mom: “Que es un dildo”
    Me: “es un vibrador”
    Mom: “UN QUE???”
    Me: “Ahem…for self-pleasure Mom”
    Background: my kids going “EWWWWWWWWWW” then they asked who I was talking to and when I said their grandmother they both “EWWWWWWed” even louder

    This was a particular example of when you do NOT want to google search a particular word.

    Thx for the laughs that have extended far beyond laughing from just reading your book.

    T

  18. The real question is … how did your friend discover this?

    Mindy recently posted Revisiting Our Honeymoon - All Aboard the Norwegian Spirit!.

  19. YOU WIN. Now I want to try googling Mediocre Dildo and see what… comes up. WAY TOO EASY, ME.

    It’s been that kind of morning.

    Adrasteia recently posted I love bathrooms..

  20. 20
    wonderfulsometimes

    OMG only $29.99? Bargain.

  21. Well, this is my new dream. I want to be a search result for “giant dildos”.

  22. That is awesome!

  23. 23
    Lesley @Avalea

    Watch out for paper cuts…

  24. Dare I ask how your ‘friend’ discovered that?!

  25. I’m gonna take your word for it on that one. I’m also wondering what your friend was looking for?

    Rabia @ TheLiebers recently posted Dance Recital.

  26. I believe the words you are looking for are, “Hell Yeah!”

    tsahnm recently posted Oh my, lots of cobwebs here..

  27. To be fair…you DID write about a giant cock.

    Ashley recently posted Lables and Love..

  28. Lmao. Now this is marketing. although if they do a combo special someone is going to be disappointed that your book doesn’t contain enough porn.

    Erica B recently posted that "certain age" where your body says F-U.

  29. Your book has no flange. It’s not safe.

    also, vaginal paper cuts is a phrase that I really don’t want to think about.

  30. This is plain awesome. Have you searched for baby doll head bongs too? I bet your book is among those items as as well (that chapter made me laugh harder than any other). :-)

    Kris recently posted Tom Does Nashville.

  31. Ok, let’s think about this… the heading on the page is “Health and Personal Care”

    SO…if you look at all of the things on the page, they are all things that have the potential to make your day better and bring a smile to your face.

    Additionally, all things on the page could, theoretically, be used to bludgeon a scorpion.

    All are things one might put on their nightstand (although your book is the only one that can safely be left in plain sight if you are having company).

    And the clear advantage of your book over the other listed items is that it is eligible for free super saver shipping! (I would imagine the other things on the page have additional freight charges due to length/weight).

    MsDarkstar recently posted I Am the Source of Divine Mirth.

  32. Which is so weird, because no one pretends a giant dildo never happened.

  33. On the upside, this publicity is a great way to reach the… dirtier… sort of people.

    Zena Zee recently posted Acceptable Places to Lose My Virginity.

  34. Thanks, Search Inside the Book.

  35. You know you’ve “made it” when …..

    t recently posted My Mother's Day card from my dog ;-).

  36. That’s a whole new marketing angle. I say run with it.

    Brian recently posted I know, don’t care.

  37. Maybe they are implying the rodent can be used in that way? I have heard the Richard Gere stories.

    thedoseofreality recently posted We’re An American Band…or ARE We?.

  38. Wow, that is something. Well, at least you are in good company?

    mediocremomof3severelyaveragekids recently posted Childhood Apraxia of Speech Awareness Day.

  39. Got it –
    “Exerpt
    Page 192: … This sex company sent me a giant metal dildo wrapped in a Kate Spade … See a random page in this book.”
    It’s all about the key word search.

    I’m more interested as to why when I was typing giant dildos in the search box “giant dildos in Office Products & Supplies” was suggested.

  40. True friendship is admitting you were searching for giant dildos on Amazon.

  41. What I got out of this? I need to buy my dildos online.

  42. lmao……….it’s because of the excerpt……………Excerpt
    Page 192: … This sex company sent me a giant metal dildo wrapped in a Kate Spade … See a random page in this book.

  43. I can’t help but laugh at that. Both because your book is there and well, how did your friend come across it :)a

  44. Yours is a bargain compared with the other two. Strong work.

    Liv Rancourt recently posted The Final Sunday Stud Snippet.

  45. Amazing! I would be honoured, not worried.

  46. There’s no such thing as bad publicity.

  47. Wait, I was supposed to get a dildo with my book? Is that only with the paperback? Cause those of us with digital copies got sacrewwwwwed. I’ll order a paperback copy ASAP!

  48. Someone thinks you’re a giant dildo. Ah fuck em, with a giant dildo.

    Ashley recently posted I need more blogs to read!.

  49. Seriously? Someone made a mistake, that’s the “soft” cover. They obviously need the “hard” cover on this page.

  50. Did anyone else notice that it’s listed under “Health and Personal Care”?

  51. Look at it this way: You’re reaching a BROAD audience. Someone once found my blog by searching for lady chubbies. I have no idea what that was about.

    Allison recently posted I'll Make the Most of it Now, So When I'm Really Crippled, it'll be Worth it.

  52. Ha! Next time you have a “girls” weekend and write about it.. you get put in the “dildo” category cause you like the Kate Spade bag the “dildo” came in.

  53. All because you used the word “dildo.” I knew Amazon was efficient but, WOW!

  54. Now if you could have just claimed the top spot….That would have been something to brag about!

  55. So….how did your friend know to search for this? LOL.

    t recently posted My Mother's Day card from my dog ;-).

  56. Why not? After all they didn’t call you a giant dildo. This way more people will learn about your book. It’s all good.

  57. Sorry, gotta go search “giant dildos” on Amazon now. Got a gift card burning a hole in my, um, pocket.

    Ami recently posted Fennel & Pepper Bacon Stuffing.

  58. Yup, The same as Tee said above: This sex company sent me a giant metal dildo wrapped in a Kate Spade

    That’s… special!

  59. I’m thinking the next release of your book should be in plastic and include a bonus chapter on origami.

  60. I guess you know what your friend is ordering off amazon…

  61. Yeah – it’s all good.

    Here’s the thing: if someone orders a giant dildo, and then they’re like, “You know what? That book looks pretty awesome. And it’s suggestively sold with giant dildos.” Then they buy it.

    Anyone who purchases a giant dildo is clearly not uptight. They’ll love your book.

    Cathy recently posted Guest Blog from Fibromodem.

  62. Best advertising ever!

  63. Just yesterday my friend asked me if I had a “hard copy” of your book. Now I get it!

  64. i think it’s really great how you’re breaking down gender barriers all the time. i mean, who googles dildo expecting to find a taxidermy-collecting, big-metal-chicken-buying, bread-sack-shoe-wearing, convention-bathroom-hiding, miracle-boar-owning, silver-ribbon-creating, awe-inspiring woman?!?!? no one. that’s who. they expect to find a rubber dick.

    you, missy, are a fucking pioneer.

  65. After having the same first reaction as you seem to have had, I had to think about it.
    I think this probably is good publicity.
    Remember, this doesn’t say that your book and giant dildos meet the same needs.
    It just means that people who have needs that your book meets tend to also have the needs that are met by giant dildos. DON”T JUDGE THEM. ;-)

    ReasJack recently posted Would our extinction be so bad?.

  66. Did you ask her why she was searching for giant dildos?

  67. I’m fairly certain this means you win advertising!

    Also… well I don’t know that there is an also to this… except why was your friend searching “giant dildos” on amazon?

    Annette DiGiacomo recently posted My return…..

  68. WTF?!? LOL You never cease to entertain or amaze me. Unbelievable! *Nods Head-Yes* Publicity in any form is always a good time, gotta keep ‘em talking about ya! Love ya Bloggess!!!

  69. I’m so confused; none of my copies of the book came with a giant dildo… not even a small dildo. hrmpf… I’m starting to feel a little jilted here!

    Rachel recently posted Mother’s Day.

  70. Imagine my disappointment when I opened my package from Amazon to find……just a book.

    Daniel McBane recently posted Hiring a Tibetan Driver and Somehow Surviving the Experience.

  71. It means you’ve officially made it! LOL!

    GK Adams recently posted Here I Go Again….

  72. I’m with @kerri about wondering if dildos are prime eligible. The one in the middle looks uncomfortable though.

  73. Fifty Shades of the Bloggess? Count me in!

    Becky recently posted A Big, Pink Thank You.

  74. That certainly does beggar comment!

  75. the main question is…. why was your friend searching for giant dildo ? lol!!!

    Veronica S recently posted Choosing The Right Foundation.

  76. That’s the best Happy Meal prize… ever. Brilliant marketing. I wonder if the guy in the Amazon drive-thru will ask if it’s for a boy or a girl? There’s two, right?

    Gina Fenton recently posted The Ugly Truth about Mother’s Day.

  77. Well thank God it’s the paperback version and not the hardcover. Ouch.

    Tarl recently posted Simple Mind, Simple Pleasures.

  78. I, personally, own 2 out of 3 of those items. they both get two thumbs up.

  79. seems legit…

    helenrov recently posted How Not to Deal.

  80. Imagine the intense disappointment when I opened my package from Amazon to find……just a book.

    Daniel McBane recently posted Hiring a Tibetan Driver and Somehow Surviving the Experience.

  81. They must know your book was deeply, deeply satisfying.

    Rachel recently posted Trigger Warning: Sum of my Experience.

  82. There are worse things to have your book come up under. At least it’s giant dildos. That means it’s inspiring, right? It’s for people who want a challenge…

    Christie recently posted Toward Silver Spires.

  83. Does your publisher have to pay extra for that?

  84. And why was your friend doing a search for Giant Dildo’s? Hmmmm?

  85. I didn’t know that’s how I was supposed to use your book. I learn something new every day…

    danielle recently posted 10 Things That Make Me Happy.

  86. So was your friend actually searching for a giant dildo on Amazon or was she/he searching for your book using the search term “giant dildo”?

  87. The title is listed as a real suggestion for everyone who searches for “Giant dildo” on Amazon. ;)

    Otherkin recently posted Six of Twenty: A brief update..

  88. Makes perfect sense to me.

    Kathleen recently posted Digging.

  89. Well, tell your publisher. Forget seeding bookstores with Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. Clearly, you need shelf space in places like Toys in Babeland or Good Vibrations or whatever your local equivalent to the respectable, ahem, accessories store is. Cross-marketing, people!

    Hehe. “Seeded.”

  90. Uhm. Yeah. Sure. Certainly great. Riiight?

    Andrea recently posted Writer's block and hushpuppies.

  91. Did you ask her why she was searching for a giant dildo on Amazon?

  92. Did you ask her why she was searching for GIANT DILDO or is that a don’t ask/don’t tell situation?

  93. Yeah, but your book is available for free super saver shipping, take that dildos. Not even going to ask why she was searching for that term on amazon, on the other hand, why not.

    JJ - 84thand3rd recently posted Corn, Zucchini & Saltbush Fritters.

  94. And it’s the second listing–OVER an actual dildo!

    Kat recently posted It's a Boy.

  95. Why was she searching for a giant dildo?
    Well I guess I know why…

  96. I think that your book securely wants to be a giant dildo. Or maybe just a giant book. Either way, I’m confused.

    Holly Folly recently posted Things I have Learned About Myself: Back Injury Addition..

  97. I am guessing it’s just your audience. You know, as in the “Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought…” kind of deal?

    Michael VanDeMar recently posted New WordPress Backdoor Style Discovered – Hackers Think They Are Sneaky.

  98. I just got your book (not while searching for giant dildos, I assure you, and anyone else who might be reading this including CIA people who monitor my traffic and silently judge me DON’T YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO??) and I am about 7% of the way in, according to my Kindle. Somewhere around raccoons and pants. Because 7% is a great part of any book to discussing raccoons and pants. No matter what any editor says.

    I laughed pretty hard. Which may have woken up my wife even though she wears a CPAP, which is not rated for “laughing at raccoons in pants” in any percentage (I looked on the box… nowhere). But your style of writing is more hilarious than a barrel full of monkeys, a saying I have always wondered about, since that sounds pretty fucking terrifying. I mean, it may depend on what kind of monkey, to be sure, but I bet they’d be pretty mad and would only be funny if you’re the type of person who can spell “Schadenfreude” without looking it up. You know, have a TV monitor, while angry monkeys take out their revenge on nearby people from being trapped in a wooden keg that smelled of stale corn mash.

    At least that’s what they said in the court hearing. I will never be allowed to run a petting zoo again in SEVERAL STATES, that’s for damn sure.

    Keep up the good work. Looking forward to the other 93%.

  99. Why was your friend searching “giant dildo”?

  100. How long and how many speeds does your book have? Does it come in black? Asking for a friend.

    RachRiot recently posted The Perfect Trip.

  101. Omfg. Lmao.

    I did do the search. The Eric one is scary looking! No thanks.

  102. I must say, those are some very reasonable dildo prices.

  103. HAHA! I already posted but then I went to Amazon to try it and there it was!

    It was listed because the excerpt read ” This sex company sent me a giant metal dildo wrapped in a Kate Spade …”

    Now we know why!!

    Melodie recently posted Bad Day.

  104. Of course it’s good and maybe a public service! Dildo users like to read too! …so I’ve been told….

  105. Dying…

    Jennifer recently posted Bird Paparazzi.

  106. “A friend of mine”. Yeah, sure.

  107. I love that you are wack. Seriously.

    Pattie Crider recently posted Internship Final Wrap.

  108. I think congratulations are DEFINITELY in order! Rock the hell on!

    Queen Of All Things Good recently posted This Is What Was Disturbing?!.

  109. Do you have to post a disclaimer for future paper cuts?

  110. Obviously, excellent reading material for leave-mommy-alone-for-a-while-time.

    Brooke recently posted Confucibunneh on Layers.

  111. I would be afraid of getting paper cuts, they are bad enough on the finger. I would think the paperback would work better then the hardcover as well. I would also be afraid of breaking my kindle.

  112. I don’t understand. None of the words even match, so who decides that your book = giant dildo? Maybe someone received great pleasure from reading it (I certainly did, but not in “that way”)? Wow. Maybe it’s Amazon’s way of suggesting another route for pleasuring oneself. Reading instead of…. ;)

  113. Um…. You were searching for dildos on Amazon?? They really do have everything!!

  114. Well Amazon does like to give you the ‘people also bought this or searched for this’ option. So maybe your book and dildo’s are being purchased together. There’s a lovely thought.

    Alyson recently posted I won! Or did I?.

  115. Did the book come with a giant dildo and I got cheated? Because I have the book and no giant dildo came with it. I would have remembered that.

  116. Well… Who would be in the market for a giant dildo? Presumably someone with a good sense of humor who would enjoy your book. I mean really. Who can google “giant dildo” without laughing?

    Katie recently posted The Tough Stuff: Top Ten Tuesday.

  117. You’ve finally made it! You’ve climbed the ladder and have made it to the top! 1st page search reults for the Giant Dildo!!! Congratulations!!!

    Cara Lyn Erickson recently posted Companies to Love/Hate.

  118. Can someone please tell me what the suction feature is for? I mean, I have thought and thought about it and just don’t know.

  119. I aspire to this outcome.

    Mary recently posted Santa Carolina Carmenere.

  120. Hahaha your friend shops for awesome things.

    Charlotte @ Commitness to Fitness recently posted Thanks For the Spoon, But I Brought My Own Shovel.

  121. *snort*
    Of course, I had to go do the search myself and I love that a little further down, there’s a book with a donkey’s butt on the front and it’s entitled “Look What I Pulled Out of My Ass”
    Much needed laugh……

  122. Is this what’s meant by “creating a PR buzz”?!

    Mark Duddridge recently posted Brushes With Fame.

  123. I love that you are now educating hundreds, if not thousands, of bloggess.com readers about giant dildos.

    (BTW, spellcheck stopped me from writing “dildoes.” Thanks, google.)

    Brian recently posted I know, don’t care.

  124. HA HA HA! I would take that as a compliment. ;-)

    Crystal recently posted Crock Pot Pasta Sauce.

  125. Shitting hell!!!

    I *own* a giant dildo and I didn’t even know it! :O

    Speaking of Giant Dildos…this has to be the most fun literary act involving women reading books…and you’ll see the rest ;)

    http://www.criminalwisdom.com/hysterical-literature-the-orgasm-as-art/

    Miss Gee recently posted If I Don't Write I Will Lose My Mind..

  126. 126
    Heather Greywolf

    I suppose that when you think about it, your book was full of metal dildos and giant cocks along with squirrel hand-jobs (or putting your hand inside a squirrel … I can’t remember exactly … STOP JUDGING ME!!!) and potential racoon pants-removal. Frankly, I’m surprised that it’s not available on Adam & Eve’s website as well. Which begs the question … can you imagine the takers if your Giant Dildo Book came with some lubricant?

    OMG, Cross-Platform Marketing, people!!! The possibilities are fucking ENDLESS!!!

  127. All I can think of right now is paper cuts. OUCH!

  128. Of course I had to try it. Interesting. That and “Mythology for Dummies”. What is this world coming to?

  129. If Giant Dildos are wrong, I don’t want to be right. Your book…er…dildo helped pull my best friend from high school out of a rut!

    Liz recently posted Blasian.

  130. Seriously, can that get ANY BETTER?????? That rocks so hard…it’s not even measurable!

    Natalie recently posted I Deserve to LIVE an EPIC LIFE!!.

  131. that’s funny. and a good reminder for me to get your book ordered. now. You crack me up and I cannot wait to read it!

  132. 132
    Melissa Booth

    I find it far more interesting that your “friend” was searching giant dildos and had no qualms telling you about it. Or that the first 11 or so were not adequate and they needed to scroll down. Ha!

  133. A significant number of people find my blog by googling things like “lonely fucking.” I can’t imagine how much disappointment I’ve spread just by titling a post “This isn’t Lonely Fucking Planet.”

    Jake recently posted The following is a true story. The names have not been changed. Fuck the innocent..

  134. when you say “a friend” do you mean you…lol

    alan recently posted Any publicity is...um...you know what? I'm not even sure anymore..

  135. Now I have to make sure the kids don’t log in to see what Amazon reccomends after I just *had* to search for myself.

  136. I <3 you…that's all. You make my day!

  137. Hm… How intriguing… I mean, that’s just a whole demographic of shoppers I didn’t even think of.

    Emelie recently posted Commercials Often Throw Me Into a Fit of Rage.

  138. Wow. That is not something I would be searching Amazon for, but . . . good to know.

    Tara recently posted Introspection.

  139. I’m guessing it has something to do with a key word search. Mention lady gardens enough and you’ll end up in the dildo search results. Or something like that. :)

    Courtney recently posted I may have to stop shopping at JCPenney..

  140. Wow. I guess when people say they really like your book, they *really* mean it.

    Dana the Biped recently posted You Didn't Find What You Were Looking For. Thank God..

  141. Wow! That is quite a stretch… pun intended. :)

  142. My other question would be, “why are you searching Amazon for giant dildos?”

  143. 143
    Shannon Fielding

    I think they’re saying that If you can’t find a partner, this is the next best fucking thing!…So to speak.

  144. Just Pretend You Never Saw This. :)

  145. my only question is why was your friend searching for giant dildos? bahahaha Better than small ones, I suppose.

  146. Thanks for the laugh. And in answer to your question about is any publicity good publicity. I’d say yes most of the time. My mother would vehemently disagree.

    Jamie@SouthMainMuse recently posted Even I could have done better than Smashing Pumpkins..

  147. I, too, wondered why your friend was searching for “giant dildo”. Has she ruined a surprise party for you?

    Sue recently posted My dad is in Wikipedia..

  148. BWAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, all I can do is laugh. I suppose anyone looking for a giant dildo might also want a good book to read while umm you know, using said dildo?

    Dawnie recently posted In Vegas I poked everyone to see if they were real. (50/50 shot).

  149. Pretty curious as to who came upon that – was it your friend or did someone tell your friend about it? Who the fuck knew you could buy ANY dildos (nevermind giant ones) on Amazon? Are you supposed to buy these giant dildos sight unseen given that they’re censored? I mean, what if you order a giant dildo and when it arrives it’s so ugly you won’t even fuck yourself with it? I’m not really sure what would make a giant dildo that ugly, but it could happen. However, your book showing up in the search results? Amazeballs.

  150. 150
    Elizabeth

    I want to know what it says under the section “purchasers of this item also purchased…”

  151. 151
    Sandra (a.k.a. Sandrandan)

    I don’t even know what to say here. Fabulous!

  152. 152
    David Krupp

    I’m not even surprised. I’m much more interested in why, specifically, your friend felt the need to use the modifier “giant” when searching for dildos.

  153. 153
    Batpoopcrazy

    At least it was on the Giant page and not needle dicks

    Batpoopcrazy recently posted Dear males in my house…..

  154. Ok, so I am at work & despite this I had to go search for giant dildo at amazon, because how can you not? Probably this will go down on my HR & IT permanent record but I can just point to the book and say it was what I was looking for & it’s hardly *my*fault I had to search for a giant dildo to find it. Don’t blame me, blame Amazon for its keywordings.

    Just the other day my husband discovered they sell sex toys on Amazon (not sure how he’s missed them all these years) and he came across, much to his shock and awe, a listing for a 50 gallon drum of lube.
    A 50 GALLON DRUM OF LUBE!!!
    Just imagine what must be going on the lives of some that they need to buy their lube in 50 gallon drums. Sure maybe some of them are reselling it in smaller containers but can you imagine having to explain it to the UPS guy. “Oh this lube? it’s not for me, I sell it to others.”

    stacey recently posted Skills Test.

  155. I just Amazon searched “giant dildo” at work. Thank you for that!

    Nic recently posted I Wore My Pedometer to the Club and Took 10,000 Steps in the Name of Love.

  156. Well… 1. Amazon has NEVER had so many people search for “giant dildo” in 1 day, guaranteed. 2. Those dildo pics are NOT censored. 3. If it makes you feel better, there’s also a book called “Look What I Pulled Outta My Ass” that comes up in the search results, so you know… You’re sharing space with publications of that caliber. So there’s that.

    There’s also a dildo with a little swordlike handle at the bottom and it’s called Doc Johnson The Manhandler – presumably so you can STAB yourself in the vagina with a giant dildo. Where the fuck were you with this post before Mother’s Day? I coulda had my gift all picked out in advance and shit LMAO. PS – why do all of these dildos come with balls? Balls are gross, they’re like the worst part of a penis – are there women that are like “Damn, I ordered this dildo and it didn’t come with balls – I’m SO returning it.” So many questions. Clearly, I’m not nearly well-versed enough on the topic of dildos, I have so much to learn…

  157. What in the name of all the gods have you done with that taxidermied gerbil???

  158. You are now successfully undermining the marketplace on Amazon as well as eBay. Better stay sharp. http://www.etsy.com. She’s coming for you next.

  159. Who did the product tags for your book? Jenna Jameson?

    Molly Dugger Brennan recently posted New York Bird Watching.

  160. The better blog would be the story of your friend actually searching for “giant dildo” to have discovered this…
    Did hers break, and she need a new one?

    Tina, Escrow Goddess recently posted This just needed to be shared!.

  161. I can’t wait until comments start showing up saying that this dildo wasn’t very comfortable and didn’t mix well with lube.

  162. It’s just because you’re long, and you’re strong, and you’re down to get the (non)fiction on.

    Sarah recently posted A surprisingly serious post about bra shopping.

  163. I don’t know if you should be impressed or upset.

    Vivian recently posted Sleep with one eye open.

  164. I used to merely love your book… now I’m wondering where the batteries go…

    Deb Costello recently posted Tell Me a Story.

  165. Yes, and yes….it is all Beyonce’s fault for being such a giant……

  166. had to try it……that’s so weird!

  167. This brings a whole new dimension of meaning to the word “bibliophile”.

    Judith Elsroad recently posted numbers now? yes..

  168. I believe the word you are looking for Jenny is AWESOME!

    Jenn recently posted The Philadelphia Zoo is Zoo-riffic!.

  169. So….can I assume your friend already HAD a copy of your book before making this discovery? ‘Cause that would mean she was actually in the market, and searching for, a…..hm.

  170. Your book does more for me than any of those other things. Probably.

    literatelibran recently posted I'm in the Newspaper!.

  171. Laughing out loud at all of the comments! The readers of this blog are the funniest people on earth! (And Jenny, too, of course!) My blog was found once by someone entering the search terms, “Kick Dr Pepper’s ass.”

    Kathy Lynn Harris recently posted Dear Moms of Adopted Children.

  172. 172
    OtherSuze

    I want the story on why “Giant Dildo” was mysteriously entered in the Google search in the first place.

  173. love it!

  174. I now know that I will never have to leave the house again. Amazon has everything I could need or want on one page.

    And it’s all so affordable.

    Coco recently posted “I’m Like, The Opposite Of Mormon”.

  175. I dunno…it’s not that they’re dildos…it’s that they’re cut-rate dildos that would bother me.

    Marianne recently posted Passionate Goddess.

  176. 176
    Voyeurette

    It is because of page 192 !! You wrote about receiving a “giant metal one” in a Kate Spade bag !

    …. and yes, but no, not all publicity is good… (hmmm almost typed Pubic Lice instead of publicity…)

  177. 177
    MyDogFartsWhenSheBarks!

    So, you are telling us it was your “friend” that was searching giant dildos on Amazon? Uh huh…Riiiiiight…

  178. 178
    Jeannette

    I am now convinced there is a conspiracy going on against you on ebay. When you were in Phoenix for you WONDERFUL book signing, B&N kinda conned me into buying an extra book of yours…geez, I already had 3 books and 2 of your AWESOME Metal Chicken cut outs from Zazzle…but. lone story there…so, I had you not sign a name and you wrote: “You Rock!…” I have had it for sale on ebay THREE times and no on has purchased it. I have a picture of you doing your reading and everything. Jenny, it not that I don’t want your book, but I already have 3 things that you signed and just thought someone else would like to enjoy one of you autographed books. I also gave you a “People I Want To Punch In The Face” book…I suggest you put ebay as your #1 entry…that is, if you haven’t already tossed it because you thought WTF, Lady!

  179. Bahahahhah! The picture and all the comments. Seriously, how did your friend figure this out?

    Practical Mama recently posted Easy way to curl your hair overnight.

  180. Holy shit I needed that laugh. Get ‘em to name one “Beyonce, the Giant Metal Cock” and you have a helluva cross-plug (huh huh) tie-in!

  181. At least yours is eligible for free shipping, and doesn’t require a gazillion batteries.

    One Classy Motha recently posted Tips For Tuesday! My new book…it’ll make you feel good….

  182. Its because you’re book is F**king awesome.

  183. haha. My #1 google hit is still “big butt” (followed my many variations on that theme). I only hope to be as successful as you and move up the ladder to dildos (that’s a ladder, right? not a slide down to hell?)

    Alison recently posted Top 10 Reasons Vegas Vacations RULE.

  184. I’m sure you’ve already asked her why she was googling “Giant Dildos”. Sometimes when I’m alone, I google myself. ;)

  185. So the question is, do you get a discount if you buy a giant dildo + the book? And did the fan ever find the dildo of her dreams?

    Beverly Diehl recently posted Devotee Romance - Interview with Ruth Madison.

  186. I’m so proud of you!

  187. perhaps the thing that might be more disturding is to why your friend was looking up giant dildos on amazon? isn’t just the word dildo good enough? she must have birthed children.

  188. 188
    DarthMama

    Cross-marketing at its finest.

  189. 189
    DarthMama

    Have you checked Wal-Mart yet to see if it’s cheaper there?

  190. I’ve known a lot of people who deserve to show up in a search for “giant dildo”.

    Yet none of them do.

    There is no justice in this world.

    According2Robyn recently posted The Digestive System, Part 2: Swallowing.

  191. I am with everyone else and want to know just HOW your friend discovered this. And I want her number, she sounds like a lot of fun.

  192. Someone at Amazon either really hates or really likes your book.

    Karen Peterson recently posted I know I'm not a mother. Please quit trying to convince me otherwise..

  193. Wow. So… I should apologize to my friend for loning her my giant dildo then. I. Guess.

    Tracey... just, Tracey. recently posted New Development. Trichotillomania..

  194. You realize, don’t you, that if I search for “giant dildos” on Amazon, the NSA is going to find out? I’ll just take your word for it.

  195. I’ve never shopped for giant dildos before, but just looking at that screenshot I can see that they’re fairly reasonably priced. Way to go, economy!

    breanne recently posted Nightmare Realized.

  196. That’s hysterical. As far as why she was ordering it, not everyone finds that to be a big deal and Aldo it is a very common gag gift at bridal showers. You giggle, show your honey and about 2 kids later you are tearing the house apart looking for that sucker

  197. 198
    Princess Judy

    It sort of fits in with your mother’s day post in which you said that mothering was a crazy hard job, but I thought you said crazy HAND job. I did think you might be confused as that isn’t how you make babies, but didn’t want to shatter your illusions.

  198. And your friend knows this how? Maybe Amazon can offer a bundle.

  199. You (and your book) have achieved a new level of awesomeness.

  200. eh just take it as you both bring pleasure to women and some more open minded men

    Kitty recently posted Start slow? Or jump right in?.

  201. Of course most of the people who saw this post probably hopped right on to Amazon to try if for themselves and if they happened to be logged into their Amazon account they’re now all going to get the most interesting recommendations every time they get onto the site.

  202. Kerri #3 wins. I’m still laughing.

  203. 205
    sam marlow

    …and Ebay won’t let you sell a killer toy but… oh please help me………

  204. OMG…didn’t even enter my mind to search for your book that way. Nor a use I would consider for it. But, on the plus side (oh goodness, that was an unintended pun!) — I bet you reach a whole new audience of people, so yay you!!

  205. Congrats, you’ve arrived….
    …to sexytown.

    Melissa recently posted Boats Full of Gravy.

  206. 208
    TehTimmah

    Jenny, Love, I’ve read your book. This does not surprise me. Though I do think it could be a very good part of the next book

  207. 209
    Keely Tolbert

    Is big in dildo searches better than being big in Japan?? If so, you’ve truly made the big time (not in a dildo sense).

    And whoever said vaginal paper cut – oy vey – youch.

  208. 210
    E M Foster

    I’d say that’s interesting, but I’m afraid that doesn’t even do this post justice. That’s crazy.

  209. Who searches for dildos on Amazon? Why do Amazon even sell them?

    Kattie recently posted endings.

  210. This begs the question, did you discover this for yourself, or did someone else point it out to you? And if so, how exactly does one bring that up?

  211. 213
    Sony smith

    I just love the fact that you have a friend who was looking for a giant dildo on Amazon.

  212. I’ve noticed that my views go up whenever anything in my blog is associated with sex, so consider this excellent publicity!

    Possessed Cat recently posted Proof that nobody can tell the difference between ‘art’ and ‘brain-fart’..

  213. Perhaps because it also gives ultimate pleasure to the user?

  214. In the name of research I tried this on the British Amazon site.

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Giant+dildo

    You’re there too. 6th after several tracks from Giant Dildo Machine by Junior Bondage and a couple of other things.

    *blink* also shows up on the Canadian Amazon. But they have sex toys, unlike the UK. Wow.

  215. I know you have a huge metal cock in your yard, but how did Amazon make that match?!?! How damned crazy, scary, funny, weird, slightly frightening, is that?

    Woman_on_Pause recently posted Pintervention.

  216. I must have missed that chapter.

    Whew.

    HogsAteMySister recently posted Fuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy Nap Time.

  217. Soo you don’t have an email address to send this junk to, that I can find. But I’m pretty sure you’re going to be interested in this.

    http://www.ebay.ie/itm/taxidermy-automaton-fox-fairground-circus-freak-Anthropormorthic-/350790382454?pt=UK_Collectables_AnimalCollectables_SM&hash=item51acbc7376#ht_500wt_1220

    I also found some other really fucked up shit that I’m just not even going to share with people. But mostly i like the robotic violin playing fox torso.

  218. So, thanks to you, I know where to buy my next dildo. You know, after the suction feature on mine stops sucking. OMG you (and the commenters here) crack me up. BTW you totally win marketing.

  219. 221
    Amanda H

    I wish that Dildos would show up when you googled my name!

  220. Good Lord. That is a giant dildo.

    Sara recently posted Out Loud.

  221. ….I don’t think that’s how books work….unless I’ve been doing something terribly wrong in which case I wonder how many people have been judging me for the amount of books I own and proudly display in the living room…

    Megan recently posted If you build it, he will be contained.

  222. Not that I didn’t believe you, but I had to try this myself. Sure enough, there was your book. Also, I am hoping you gave your friend a hard time about searching for giant dildos…

  223. Well, there’s my mistake. I’m always searching for “giant dodo”. That’s why I can’t find your book. Or anything else really satisfying.

    whatimeant2say recently posted Forget Being the Norm. I Would Much Rather Be the Carla. Or the Woody. Maybe Not the Woody….

  224. Go home Amazon algorithm, you’re drunk.

    Daniel J. Hogan recently posted The Proxy, Part Four.

  225. That’s glorious! Do you know how many folks are trying to find dildos? That mean all those horny bastids will find your book. You can’t buy that kind of SEO magicks.

    T. A. Woods recently posted Good Samaritans having an ear to listen.

  226. Enormous Eric has a 9inch cock, AND 9INCH BALLS? WTF!?? What do you do with 9INCH BALLS? You could seriously hurt your self whilst being teabagged by those bad boys! I’m not sure I’ll buy that dildo……just your book it is then, seems less dangerous.

  227. Well….yours is the more attractive price….

    Gigi recently posted My (long) weekend in pictures....because I'm really too tired for words.

  228. OMG, I bought your book for my daughter. I should be arrested.

  229. I’m a bit disappointed that they’re selling used copies of your book (who would dare part with it?). I’m pretty glad to see they aren’t selling used giant dildos however.

    Stacey recently posted Basket Case.

  230. First, what was your friend searching? never mind I think I get it.
    Second, this is awesome, at least you were not in the category of small dildos, because I think being under giant ones, is so much better anyway….

    Mexmom recently posted Seven facts of seven.

  231. The only thing I’m surprised at is the bargain pricing of those dildos.

  232. I hope no one accidently confuses your book for a giant dildo. Even the paperback edition, while more flexible , still will leave evil and hard to explain papercuts…
    Who is selling your book? Why would you get rid of this? That’s not okay!

    Rea recently posted This is why my husband and I don't role play....

  233. 235
    Brenda B-K

    So is this another example of you undermining the market place?

  234. Rea took the words right out of my comment.

    jennie lynn recently posted What I Love.

  235. I was on Zazzle. On the homepage for t-shirts, there are categories. Unicorn Success Club is the representative picture for the unicorn category.

    http://www.zazzle.com/tshirts

  236. Awesome!

    Punky Coletta recently posted This could help you write a novel..

  237. ahhhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    I just peed my pants.

    awesome.

  238. At least you do reference a giant dildo in your book. I can’t figure out why Mythology for Dummies comes up in that search. :D

    Laynie recently posted Lancôme Aquatic Summer Summer 2013 Color Collection.

  239. you know how you love taxidermy? Future GWP (gift with purchase): stuffed dildo on a plaque

    just sayin’

  240. its a dream come true

    Keaven recently posted Tablecloth PomPoms.

  241. Holy shit! It is! How crazy!

  242. ‘so proud’

    Cathy recently posted 365 Poems: Of dandilions.

  243. THIS is grand… OMG, amaze.

    Marie Denee recently posted Keep Your Clothes Abercrombie, I want NONE of It.

  244. The “benefits” of writing about a giant cock??
    As for how your friend discovered this… she may have some ‘splaining to do. :)

  245. hysterical. because your book is a giant dildo??? amazing what people will do these days. ;o)

    monica recently posted How to Approach Your "Baby" Going to Middle School With Sanity and Clarity.

  246. As per Kris’ comment @10:47am I googled “babydoll head bong” and lo and behold, Jenny’s book shows up! No Shizz!
    Oh how you make me laugh Jenny. And always a good ol’ belly hurting laugh when I need it.

  247. There’s cuckold and then there’s cock-hold. I think your book was being tenderly held by gargantuan love members.

    Amanda recently posted Broken Plug.

  248. Could be worse. Like, say, a search for a small dildo? I don’t know. But this is somehow magnificent and in keeping with my views of you. In that you attract strange, not that you’re a giant dildo. Though that can happen. (Not really.)

    Therese recently posted In the Event of An Apocalypse.

  249. Why did your friend need a giant dildo from amazon?

  250. Oh yeah, and I’m sorry Jenny, but you just don’t do it for me that way.

  251. I….uh. Hmmm. But does your book have a suction cup?

    Jen recently posted A Dovetail of Interests.

  252. But did your friend find what he or she was actually looking for?

  253. 255
    Pat C in Washington

    No one expects The Spanish Inquisition. Or books, when they’re searching for Giant Dildos. Pretty random, Amazon.

  254. Why hasn’t anybody noticed that the “Eric” cock and balls has suction? WTF!? Why would it have suction? That is more wrong than your book being the cream in a cock sandwich!

  255. 257
    AshleySmashes

    The fact that this is a thing is goddamned magical.

  256. 258
    Krystina

    It’s because you have a bit in your book about getting a dildo on page 192. “This sex company sent me a giant metal dildo wrapped in a Kate Spade…”

    You’re welcome for me solving this mystery. You can repay me by sending an autographed copy of your book as you can’t autograph my Kindle ;)

  257. I am wondering why your friend was doing this particular search.

    non-girlfriend recently posted Told Ya So.

  258. At least you’re not tagged with small dildoes? Because, come on…who wants a small dildo?

    Meg Mc recently posted An argument in favor of extinction..

  259. That’s almost as awesome as being listed next to “animatronic taxidermied mongoose that makes coffee.” Not that I’ve ever seen this, but it would be kinda cool.

  260. But don’t people like dildos? So really, you’re lumped in with something that makes people happy….at least for the most part.

    You’re also lumped in with an item that violates people, so I guess they cancel each other out.

    Lisa Newlin recently posted Brittle bones and a 75 year-old pimp.

  261. 263
    Jessica Larsen

    I’m just confused as to the WHY your book comes up when searching for giant dildos. I mean, there’s got to be some sort of trigger word. And why was your friend searching for giant dildos in the first place?

  262. Hilarious….and you are sooo right what words?
    I’ll be honest I have not read your book, but it has now moved up to the top of the must read book list.

  263. At least you come up under the “health and personal care” category…

    Stephanie Rubiano recently posted So I Gathered.

  264. Your book and dildos; two things that give me pleasure in two very different ways! I love that your friend was looking up “giant dildos” on Amazon. I usually just go there looking for books and small appliances. I need to expand my horizons ;)

  265. I’m assuming your friend was going to a costume party and just mistyped ‘giant Bilbo’. Or something like that….

    Raw Once More recently posted Crazy Things I Do When Insomnia Strikes.

  266. OMFG. I just had to try it myself. I think the “look inside!” tag is a bit much when you’re sandwiched between two giant dildos!

  267. 269
    Cheryl in Wisconsin

    What is the official qualifying size to be considered ‘giant’?

  268. Interesting friend. :)

  269. That is SO awesome!!! I’m jealous.

    Lucy Ball recently posted Apparently, Rules Only Apply To Some Of Us.

  270. That is awesome! It’ll give dildo users something to do while they’re waiting for their batteries to recharge!

    Terrye recently posted The French Foreign Legion.

  271. I’m just glad yours is the only item on that page with a ‘used’ price.

    moooooog35 recently posted This is way better than a Leg Lamp..

  272. This is a very happy start to my Wednesday.

    (I’m glad I searched for the comment that immediately jumped to mind, as that particular observation has already been noted for the official comment record. Great minds and all that . . .)

    Robyn Straley recently posted A strong taste of the sea . . ..

  273. 275
    Missicat

    You have weird, um I mean interesting, friends.
    How hysterical!

  274. Wow. Just wow.

  275. Well, your book is for her pleasure…

    PinotNinja recently posted It’s Either a Ghost or Greg Louganis.

  276. You just can not make that shit up! Also, there is a lesson here, Amazon sells Giant Dildo’s which, I never knew! This will come in handy, when shopping on Amazon, it’s just not for books anymore!

  277. Not sure what I’m enjoying more – your original post or the 274 comments following – all have made me laugh out loud and wake the pets.

    Thank you everyone. :)

  278. I was expecting to see a photo of the Abercrombie idiot, I would associate him with giant dildos long before your book. Weird.

  279. And that’s how you know you are winning at the internet level.

  280. You mean we were supposed to get a free dildo when purchasing your book? I got ripped off.

  281. Oh, hon! You couldn’t ask for better PR. You are totally blessed by the dildo goddess!

    Sj recently posted Spring Arrives With A Rainbow Flag.

  282. Oh, so….yeah. I got nothing.

  283. I purchase a lot of things from Amazon. However they felt compelled to only ONCE send me a follow-up email/survey. The subject line read something like, “Tell us about your experience with your Personal Massager”. OMFG I am so glad I was alone when I opened my email and that I could delete it right away!

  284. 286
    Leinaala

    I searched on my Amazon mobile app. Your book didn’t come up, but “Clifford The Big Red Dog” was #16. Wtf, Amazon?

  285. I bet if you ask nicely, you could get Berkley to include a small battery compartment in your book’s next printing. They are the type of publisher that would totally do that.

    I’d also buy myself another copy.

    Oh, and make it waterproof, too. Thanks! :wink:

    Maura @ Eve Was Partially Right recently posted So Long, and Thanks For All the Salmon.

  286. Not that I don’t believe you….because I would believe you if you told me that the skies were yellow with polka dots….however when I searched on Amazon (although yes it was on the mobile search because I’m not looking up “giant dildo” on my computer at work) I didn’t find your book but the children’s book “Clifford the Big Red Dog” was listed between a 7 inch cock and balls in blazing blue and the “Brawny Brandon” an 8in vibrating thick cock with suction. I’m tweeting you the picture now.

    Morgan recently posted 10 Rules of Successful Aging.

  287. I would have some questions for this friend regarding how they discovered this interesting fact, but then again…

  288. LOL (most boring comment ever, but straight from the heart).

    Sarah recently posted public service announcement.

  289. Oh dear. I tried to test the Canadian Amazon site, hoping to report back that it wasn’t the case. Well, I typed it into the search bar… and searched the whole internet. So not the same. My eyes.
    But yes, your book shows up as #7 or so out of 38 results for giant dildo.

    Rainyday recently posted Sugar and Ice.

  290. Why do dildos have people names?
    Also what is the suction on the Eric one all about?

    Erin recently posted Calvin and sleep.

  291. Now I wonder if Amazon’s recommendation algorithm is going to think everyone who searches for your book might also be interested in giant dildos…

    alejna recently posted Quick Home Organization Projects from American Hovel Magazine (with before and after photos!).

  292. Did you ask your friend how she came by this information? Does one accidentally google “giant dildos”?

  293. 295
    Cammie B

    Living in Texas if I searched “giant dildo” I would expect to get redirected to Rick Perry’s website.

  294. I’d consider that being in goooodddddd company….

  295. Nothing short of awesome.

  296. Coming from English, the equivalent of giant dildo could be translated to the insult version of “massive dickhead”. Now I have a an image in my head of a massive dick head, and for some reason, it’s dancing. Thanks Jenny.

    Vicky recently posted Dear Future Me, Don't be an Idiot.

  297. Do you realize how many hits your page probably owes to that arrangement?
    Don’t look a gift dildo in the mouth, Jenny.

    The Hook recently posted A Reblog You Won’t Soon Forget: The First Time.

  298. Oh my!
    I’m not sure whether to say that’s horrifying or freaking awesome (tbh i’m leaning towards awesome).
    I also love that your friend was searching for giant dildos on Amazon :D

  299. I was skeptical at first, but I was certainly not disappointed! Book in cart ;)

  300. Please tell me there is also one of those reviews that says “I ordered this dildo but when it came it was a book, no stars.” or something along those lines

    Lucybird recently posted Children’s Hour: Our Favourite Books.

  301. 303
    Rebekah Mae

    1. I apparently own a new sex toy.
    2. I definitely just searched “Giant Dildo” on amazon for good measure.
    3. Amazon has good prices….

  302. i hope your friend found what they were looking for!

  303. 305
    Kathie RObinson

    Now we need to get together and decide which Giant Dildo we are all going to buy along with the book (again). I want to influence the Amazon marketing of “customers who bought this item also bought” or “frequently bought together”. Think of the possibilities……..

  304. OMG

    You are sandwiched between two dongs… a lot of people spend their whole lives wishing for that.

    Just sayin’

    The Six-Fingered Monkey recently posted Week In Review #15: The one about Superchunk, badass contests, and cutting out hate..

  305. 307
    Jennifer

    You know I had to try it, and it is TRUE! I love you Jenny (Forest Gump accent)!

  306. Being someone who rarely trusts anyone, particularly if they are online, I had to go check out Amazon for myself…now if my wife checks my previous searches she may get a little too excited the next time an Amazon package shows up…

  307. There is another book in the list called, “Look What I Pulled Outta My Ass” Hmmm….

  308. ok it took me 3 times to find it, cause first I put big dildos, then gigantic, 3rd time was a charm and your book was on the top spot!!!

  309. 311
    Michelle

    OK, this just made me laugh – like stupid-why-is-she-laughing-like-that loud.

  310. I think the question should be why is she searching for giant dildos. I have never googled that…….omg…..I am so tired…….I should sleep.

  311. That is just what I would expect. Why on earth would you NOT be listed on the giant dildo search page? I mean jeez, that’s just common sense.

    Kim @ LiaH recently posted Good Grillin' Giveaway Sign Up.

  312. Nothing screams Jenny Lawson like a giant dildo

  313. I’m really sad that I didn’t see this earlier, because there were only 19 of those Enormous Eric jobs in stock, and I might have missed out. (I already own your book so that is besides the point).

  314. Your book is b/w a cock and a hard place!

  315. 317
    Leatrice Caffey

    does this qualify as ‘undermining trust in the marketplace’? LOL

  316. 318
    Heather McKenzie

    Heheheeee….I checked:) If you really want a giggle…click on one of the vibes and read some of the reviews.

  317. Hilarious!

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