Huh.

Every few months I check my google analytics to see what sort of things are bringing people to this blog.  Then I almost immediately question my life choices and wonder if people are just fucking with me.  Usually I share a few of the more what-the-what searches, but this one is so baffling it deserves it’s own post.

More than a dozen people came to this blog in October looking for this phrase:

I’m a little frightened.  And impressed.  And fairly certain I’ve found my tribe.

Welcome home, you wonderful freaks.

 

164 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I always search for JUST those subjects in your blog!

    Grey :)

    Greyson Stoehr recently posted Wheeeee! Cleaning and Zombies and Weasels, Oh, My!!!!.

  2. And now we’ll know the easiest way to find your site in the future if we forget the URL . . .

    Wendy recently posted Owl Pocketwatch Necklace and Earring Set with Green and Brass Beads by NerdyNecklaces.

  3. 3
    wasnt_serious

    That is oddly specific. Thank goodness Google directed them here. It really does know best.

  4. 4
    Current Resident

    Mostly, we’re just collectively fucking with you.

  5. it was the “dress up cats” part that got you, dear. this is hunter s. tomcat’s search….

  6. Do you ever try to replicate their searches to figure out how their query led to your blog? Or do you just somehow know, “Oh, yeah, I see how that brought them here”?
    At any rate, thank you for being there to answer all Google search terms, no matter how esoteric. You are helping the world.

    Erica O recently posted Stalkers: A serious post.

  7. You really attract a fantastically creative following. I, on the other hand, seem to be a magnet for Ukrainian porn-hounds.

    MILF Runner recently posted OMG!!! IT'S SO FUCKING HOT!!!!!!.

  8. Why can’t imaginary Geraldo dress up his own cats like movie stars?

  9. I prefer to dress my hamster up like a movie star, only those clothes are so damn small.

  10. So I had to Google that phrase – there are ten results and you’re the top two, so it’s no wonder people end up here when they’re looking for it.

    Wendy recently posted Owl Pocketwatch Necklace and Earring Set with Green and Brass Beads by NerdyNecklaces.

  11. That sounds simply fascinating. I want to know these people.

    Jennielynn recently posted Freezer Meals, Procrastination and Revelation.

  12. How else would you find this blog????

    Drew recently posted Regarding the Rolling Stone controversy….

  13. As a guy who works with Analytics, you probably only got one visit from that dude, but the sampling algorithm Google uses reported a larger number.

  14. Oh, exactly! LOL

    Momma Fargo recently posted Booking It.

  15. And why does imaginary Geraldo have a floor that is apparently actually made of lava, since I’d assume that’s how he lost his leg?

  16. I’m not surprised… I believe I’ve typed something similar in Google Search and ended up here, as well!

    Rachel recently posted Family….

  17. :-D

  18. Oops. I’m sorry that was me – I did it 12 times just to be SURE. Like ya do.

  19. Clearly I have some work to do on my search terms. This is way better than ‘delisa shits’

    Delisa recently posted I’m challenging myself (& You) to a BLOGALONG in August.

  20. Wow. My “do moms wear thongs” search term is nothing compared to this.

    Cindy Reed recently posted Reddit Thinks I’m Its Dad..

  21. Okay, now wait…
    - losing a leg while pretending the floor is hot lava… yup, I get this, check.
    - dressing up cats like movie stars when you’re not home… yep, check and check.

    But imaginary-geraldo??? How did I miss this? Is this something new??? I am totally on board, but mama needs some details!

    Jess recently posted Well, That Did Nothing For My Self-Esteem….

  22. While reading you book I thought perhaps we were somehow related. I do have relatives in Texas, so it made me wonder…… or maybe it was just the mentality that I related to – :)

  23. whoever said the world does not make sense is clearly misusing the internet.

  24. I SO have to search for that now.

  25. WOW

    IT’S LIKE GOOGLE IS LOOKING INTO MY MIND

    If I were it, I’d run scared…..

    Dad Moon Rising recently posted I Love Everything The Kids Do, Even Pokemon (Usually).

  26. If someone searched for cooking tips and landed on your blog, I would be shocked. This, this does not shock me one bit! LOL

    Claire recently posted Vintage Lace Petti Bloomers Tons of Colors sizes Newborn to 24 months by Miaclaire.

  27. I am totally with Jess…I get the last part of the search…but the Imaginary Geraldo is just to weird…..

    I hope one of those 13 are still lurking here and can tell us what they were looking for, you have to know when they got here they realized they were home!

  28. Lol! They must be members of one tribe since they seem to be looking for the same kind of leader… which seems to be you.

  29. I CLEARLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT. *deletes google cache*

    I’m just a totally normal human individual with a penchant for vodka/klonopin smoothies. DON’T JUDGE ME!

    *dies a tiny futile death on the internet*

    MsHazard recently posted Twitter Hates When I Tweet About Movies.

  30. Do you think it was 13 different people? Or just one person who checked 13 times to see if the answer had somehow changed? Which would be worse?

    Marianne recently posted Rotten, stinkin' 44th Birthday.

  31. I got one from a search called ‘eat my ass fudge’ I SWEAR, I have never written about ass fudge..much less eating it.

    Ragemichelle recently posted I’m Not Tortured Enough.

  32. I’m more than disappointed in myself that I wasn’t one of those who searched.

    Get your act together, valerie.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    Valerie recently posted I may be crazy, but I think my Girl Mannequin Child may be living duel lives....

  33. I see that some people have never played The Floor is Lava game. Which is almost as shocking.

  34. Yes. I am stoked. It’s almost time for the search term olympics on my blog. You should submit it.

    Stephanie recently posted Support, Addiction, Taboo.

  35. 36
    Amanda Germain

    For lack of anything eloquent to say:

    That is fucking awesome. Hahahaaa!

  36. I personally think that dressing cats up like past president’s is way more fun.

    Megan M recently posted cowgirl adventures and other wild west stories….

  37. What the hell is imaginary-geraldo? LOL

  38. Good to know that I am among my people! I love our tribe!! :-D

  39. I think all readers should google something like that to read up on updates. That way you can see that 600,000 searches for something bizarre lead us back to you. Like a quite about pulling your surgery drains out. ;-)

  40. I’m pretty sure they poke smot. If you were poking smot it would explain seeing an imaginary-Geraldo on a floor made of lava. All 13 of them must have poked smot together. Since there is 13 it could be a cult…

    Deanna recently posted Eh? Say that again? No, still don’t get it..

  41. Sorry. I needed to know.

    Sara recently posted See Through.

  42. Okay- WTAF… Is there some kind of explanation?? LOL! how is that possible

    Kerry :) recently posted Cause baby… you’re a firework.

  43. Once, I was googling some song lyrics, and I typed in the words “Sometimes I” and the very first google autofill suggestion was “Sometimes I like to lay on the floor and pretend I’m a carrot.” I’m pretty creative, but I couldn’t make that shit up. I took google’s suggestion and followed that link, slightly afraid of what I might find, and it led to…..nothing. Just a bunch of random websites with no connection to either floors or carrots (or carrot-themed porn) (at least, not as far as I could tell).

    I think the Internet is just fucking with you.

  44. Seems about right. For all its dark and awful corners, the internet sure can be a delightfully weird place when you find your kind, no? *settles in*

    Erin recently posted Overthinkers Anonymous.

  45. Impressive. I also think it’s weird that more than a dozen people thought to type that exact phrase… Where can I find you all? I, too, feel as though I belong wherever it is you are…

    Oh wait, you’re all here? Oh, thank God.

    Emelie recently posted It Wouldn’t Be My Life If A Simple Visit to the Vet Didn’t Turn Into Something Ridiculous..

  46. 47
    NtYtCrzyCatLdy

    Hunter S was Googling himself. And Geraldo. You should probably have a chat with him. Sounds like it’s that time.

  47. I suspect Google just has you as the default “we have no idea what the hell this search query means, so we’ll send this person to Jenny. She’ll know what to do”

    And you do. Thank you!

  48. OK, first you win the “my gallbladder was trying to kill me the MOST” award away from me, now you’re winning the most bizarre blog searches away from me. My competitive nature is not appreciating this! I’m going to have to get back to work. Maybe I can at least win the “my blog has the LEAST references to Geraldo” award…

    Cynthia Hill recently posted Cory Monteith: He Had it Coming?.

  49. I’m going to go type in a bunch or random/questionable/scary shit into the Google right now. In other words, be right back.

    The Girl Next Door Drinks and Swears recently posted Don't Be a Facehooker.

  50. Yeah…that beats all my weirdest searches by about 2miles. Excellent.

    Jess recently posted An Ethical Hiatus..

  51. I found you because I live in Australia and beer.

  52. That number would have jumped to 14, only my search was for imaginary Phil Donahue.

  53. My, Lord…there are people stranger than me. I’m terrified. You should all be terrified. Especially if you knew me.

    Megly Mc recently posted And, Now, Her Brother….

  54. 13 DIFFERENT people? Or the same person who really should start his/her own fan club?

    Carmen recently posted An Open Letter to My 18 Year Old Self.

  55. It’s obvious that Google is on drugs. Or we are…but then, while I’ve never tried to force my cat to accept my definition of stylish, she does have an Imaginary Geraldo doll and he only has one leg…and there IS lava in my basement…so perhaps not…

    Jansy recently posted I Just Might Need an Intervention.

  56. Keyword search data is always a fount of hilarity.

    Daniel J. Hogan recently posted Amazon Enigmas: Cats, Kittens, and Unicorns.

  57. A special kind of TRIBE…

    Sarah recently posted In under a second....

  58. How did 13 people all come up with that same phrase? It’s kind of both awesome AND creepy.

    Karen Peterson recently posted A Little Island Flavor and a Giveaway!.

  59. This sounds a bit like a frequent commenter on my blog, who I’m convinced is a foreign spam bot with a bad translation matrix — as an example, week’s submissions included Its like women and men don’t seem to be involved except it’s something to do with Woman gaga!” and “Dieting your cat might not be the end goal spiritual maturity might be the end goal”.

    On the other hand? The search text sounds SO MUCH like something you might actually have written. Maybe your future self is trying to send you a message?

    Tori Deaux recently posted The Great Gmail Freak-out of 2013: An Open Letter To Email Marketers.

  60. I kind of wish I were one of those 13 people!

    Annie Jay recently posted No Longer a Landlubber.

  61. That…is awesome. I adore search terms. I should totally post a screenshot of mine on my blog. My favorites so far are “junk in uterus” and “penis sleeve banner”, neither of which are as bizarrely specific as yours.

    Maya recently posted It’s Officially a Movement.

  62. I’m glad that I’m not the only one who gets a kick out of strange data from google analytics–it’s great free entertainment.

  63. I find it amazing that 13 people went to trouble of typing that exact phrase. If I were looking for that, I’d abbreviate it to something like “imaginary Geraldo leg floor lava cats movie stars” (which totally still works, I tested it). I couldn’t be bothered to type the whole thing.

    Also, you should check those analytics tomorrow to see how many of us actually searched on that phrase. I bet its popularity goes way up. I know it’s at least up to 14 now.

  64. I’m a little speechless. Is that search going on a mug?

    Summer recently posted Interview with Summer Kinard.

  65. To be honest, I arrived here after searching for the meaning of life. Or was it Ewok porn? I’ve forgotten…

  66. Yur Welcom. We should get our own freakish chant.

  67. When I check my Google analytics I am just reminded of man’s sad inhumanity toward man. But then I also feel that way when I check on my children.

    LeRoy recently posted Avoiding Credit Card Fraud and Identity Theft.

  68. Wow, that really is oddly specific. And here I was entertained that someone found me by searching “half-eaten edible underwear.”

    Karisa Tells All recently posted My Disappointments Regarding the #RoyalBaby.

  69. I’m still trying to get past “imaginary-geraldo.”

  70. You were probably noted on reddit (which happens every week or two).

    So, yes, people are just fucking with you.

    Brian recently posted Swallow the worm.

  71. 72
    Carlotta Regina Tristania III

    We need internet detectives! We must find these people (person?) and get them to tell us their wonderful secrets! Maybe they know why Imaginary Geraldo is dressing up my cats, and how he so swiftly gets up my four story walkup with only one leg! Does he wear more clothes than real Geraldo? The world must know!

  72. Makes me wonder about the techs at Google who program the search parameters. That is scarey.

    Of course you’re being fucked with. That’s what tribe members do to one another. :)

  73. Looks like it’s an excerpt from this post:
    thebloggess.com/2012/05/and-thats-why-i-dont-use-the-garbage-disposal
    So maybe someone quoted the post somewhere and people wanted to find where it was from? But twelve of them all using the exact same quote is still odd.

  74. Sounds about right.

  75. “Imaginary-geraldo.” Sounds like one of those freaky childrens’ books that I read when I was small and that warped me into the person I am today. Of course, if I wasn’t the person I am today, I would not be part of such an awesome tribe, so it’s all good.

    Now I am off to have some nightmares about imaginary one-legged people of hispanic descent.

  76. You have to wonder if this is some weird denial of service attack that not only made no sense but also failed to bring down your site. But then again, they weren’t very good at it if they only sent the search term 13 times.

    JIHAD

    (Sorry, just fucking with Prism. Hey, maybe it was Prism!)

  77. That’s impressive. A lot of thought went into that search. It’s deep. Deeply freaky.

    @PamelaMKramer - A Renaissance Woman recently posted Silly Butterfly Face.

  78. As one of your loyal minions, I long for an official tribal name to cement our alliance on Earth. It is time ;)

  79. The Floor Is Lava!!!! Love that game! I’m trying to get it going office wide! We can’t leave our chairs or touch the floor! It’s lava after all! How does one lose a leg playing that game? And how is he getting into my home when I’m not home to dress up my cats? Like movie stars no less? I must find this imaginary – Geraldo. But he is imaginary so maybe I can’t find him. In that case, who is really dressing up my cats?

    LeAnnWoo recently posted Starting Week Three of my T-25 Experience.

  80. I can only imagine how many people used the phrase “knock knock muthafucker”. I mean, that’s how I direct people to your blog.

    Ashley recently posted Just A Little Frosting..

  81. We may be special….

    Itzybellababy recently posted Review of WineMaps website.

  82. I could spend years trying and not come up with a search term like that. I feel unworthy.

    Frankie Lawson recently posted Depression: A Secret No More.

  83. 84
    BuckeyePatty

    Just Googled “booger recipe peanut”, and actually got recipes for booger balls. Maybe now, this wonderful tribe will show up instead. Might have to try that recipe though.

  84. Now get back in the TARDIS and actually write that post so the 13 people (and all the rest of us) can now find it, whenever now might be.

  85. That’s a pretty specific search. Love it!
    My weirdest this month is “how to make an origami penis” but that’s probably because I wrote a How to Make an Origami Penis tutorial. I’m just guessing.

  86. Hell, I turned on the computer to look for a balloon valance one day and I ain’t been right since.

  87. I am most alarmed by the fact that you only check your analytics every few months. Did you mean to say every few hours?

    Diana recently posted Cilantro, Is That You?.

  88. For reasons that I can’t quite articulate, I’m really impressed. That’s quite the search term.

    Sara Hamil recently posted I can’t call it “summer” without a weekend like this….

  89. Jealous! Seems I attract fans of lopsided cupcakes.

    Linda recently posted Ultimate Chocolate Gelato.

  90. Now I feel like I don’t search interesting enough things. Guess what I’ll be doing tonight…

  91. lol – it looks like a bad translation from last night’s left-over Chinese supper.

  92. Hmmm. I think the search terms I use are far too generic. I need to be more specific. And creative.

    Sue recently posted Progress on the new dog feeding regimen.

  93. 94
    Pat C in Washington

    Why would it not have taken you to Allie Brosh’s website? She has that awesome drawing of someone running in lava. That’s at least somewhat related. Can there be a new reality show where the winner gets to make REAL Geraldo run in REAL lava?

  94. Even though my blog is mostly about poetry, or my glamorous life (ha ha), or the turning of the seasons in my four-season city, the top search term that brings people to it is “North Style reviews.” Because I wrote a strongly worded letter to a catalog from which I have never even ordered. But this definitely beats that.

    Unless you consider that people occasionally find me using the term “garbage fetish.”

    By the way, I read your book about a month ago. You totally rock. I wish you, the family, and the taxidermied animals lots of happy fun times with lollipops and bubbles.

    Okelle recently posted In Memoriam: Trayvon Martin.

  95. I was disturbed by how many people find my blog using the search “anal beads.” I only wrote two posts about my phobia of, and subsequent bewilderment from, reading 50 Shades…

    Kristen Mae at Abandoning Pretense recently posted The Time I Almost Posted a Photo of Myself Doing a Duck-Face (a Story About Learning to Love my Body).

  96. Google can be very…whimsical sometimes. Last night I did a search There’s an…(app for that), because I couldn’t remember if app was spelled with one p or two and this came up http://imm.io/1dyO7. Really Google? those are your top choices for There’s an…? Is that old saying in Tennessee “oh shit, there’s an owl in the shower!”?

  97. Isn’t the floor ALWAYS lava?

  98. Yeah…I get a bunch of weird ones too, ahahaha!

  99. Thanks to Twitter, we never have to imagine Geraldo again…. *shudder*

  100. LOL…our two year old Lab plays “the Floor is Lava” every night, she wants to sit with me but can’t come over from the other couch with out walking across the coffee table.

    Tina, Escrow Goddess recently posted This just needed to be shared!.

  101. Exchange “cats” for chinchillas and I’m right there with you.

    The Suzzzz recently posted RIP Phil.

  102. I just typed that whole thing into search (I may have skewed your results – sorry) just to see what comes up. You are the first 3 results , but there are also results for goodreads, tumblr, and myspace.

    Laurie F recently posted Teenager or Scientist?.

  103. This sounds a lot like a boyfriend I had in grade school. He was imaginary, too. But his name was Phil Donahue.

    bschooled recently posted Memories Of An Exit Row Hero.

  104. That is so much better than “thong stuck up my butt” that found my blog. I’m so jealous!

    BatPoopCrazy recently posted Island of Misfit Toys/Parents?.

  105. Given how my cats feel about dress-up, these people are really scary.

    Morgan Eckstein recently posted A thousand blog posts and this is what I have learned.

  106. God, I wish I could “like” some of these comments! You all make me laugh :D

  107. That’s what you get for touching the lava floor…one leg and you’re reduced to dressing up cats with an imaginary Geraldo.

    Sandy@Sinsationally Me recently posted I'm guessing she'd be bad at playing Pictionary.

  108. I would like to say that I ready your post about Jenny’s favorite things, decided to give this whole doctor who thing a try, stole my boyfriends Netflix password, and now have no life because i’m officially obsessed… thanks a lot :)

  109. I’m with everyone else on getting hung up on the “imaginary-geraldo” part of the search. Plus we are all going to search on that term and drive it up even more….okay maybe that’s just me. And if he dresses the cats up when you aren’t there, does he leave them dressed up when he leaves or put everything back nice and neat? I mean playing dress up without sharing or at least taking pictures is kinda creepy really.

  110. Personally, I’d like to meet the people who find their way here through the phrase “holiday miracle working boar” but these people also seem very nice.

    poetlandia recently posted phoenix rising.

  111. One time I got fed up while looking for contact information for a local newspaper and searched “NORTHWEST PRESS MOTHERFUCKING CONTACT INFORMATION GOD DAMN IT” and one of the results was your site. I never did find the contact info.

  112. Providing a home for us freaks is a VERY important community service!

    Heidi recently posted Settling In Is Unsettling.

  113. I now have an officially diagnosed blogging syndrome: “search results envy.” When another blogger’s search results are that much cooler than yours. I tend to have people searching for Marcel Proust. Recently I’ve added in people searching for bear jokes. I can build on that, I think.

    As always, you provide an outstanding example of what to aim for!

    Robyn recently posted On the relative likelihood of bears, mountain lions, coyotes and wild pigs . . ..

  114. I prefer the term “mutant” but to each his/her own.

  115. Now I’m going to add to the list because I just googled it out of curiosity. I guess you wrote a post in 2012 about selling imaginary friends. Hence “imaginary-geraldo.” How anyone would remember that phrase and think to google it though…

    I kind of want to go back and find a random, unusual phrase of yours and keep googling it/clicking through. For reasons.

  116. 117
    Kate in MI

    New hipster band named “Imaginary Geraldo” being formed in three…
    two…
    one.

  117. “Fairly certain”? Please.

    Terri recently posted Careful What You Wish For!.

  118. That is so …. specific. And long. And slightly awkward.

    Dawnie recently posted I should probably start with an apology.

  119. I wonder if imaginary-Geraldo also takes selfies to show off his abs?

  120. Dear God in Heaven! I’m dying over the poster “poking smot”! I don’t comment often, but I often feel that I have found my people. <3

  121. 122
    Leslie J.

    I’m finally listening to your audiobook and I’m on the 3rd disc! Love your voice, have laughed a ton (wish I had the pics, but I’ll get the book too) and even got a bit teary this evening when you were talking about the time when you realized home was no longer the small town of your childhood. I’ve been there and it was heart-breaking. Unfortunately, I haven’t found my Victor, but maybe someday! Thanks for sharing your story!

  122. This is not a good week to mention Geraldo, considering his creepy, Weiner-esque photo circulating around the web this week. I had just gotten the image out of my mind and now it’s back. God help me.

  123. 124
    Procrastinateher

    If I ever somehow forgot your name and/or your blog name (or I become one of those older people who have forgotten about URLs and just access all pages through Google search results), then the phrase I would use is “transvestite legos”.
    (If I could find it, I would insert the link of a video from an Australian comedy skit show, where there’s a girl playing with her dolls and then says something in a deep, manly voice, skeeving out both the dad and the audience)

  124. I never know Gerald Rivera had one leg.

    I knew he was imaginary.

    But I thought he had two fictitious legs.

    Thanks internets.

    HogsAteMySister recently posted Crack Puppy Arrested!.

  125. After 5 seconds of deep contemplation, my explanation of that criteria is that the person forgot to clear the previous searches they had done from the Google bar and ended up with all of them smushed (yes, it’s a word) in together. Then it made them laugh, so they searched it 13 times. Makes perfect sense, right?
    Ironically, someone searched “gyno & paper sheet & butt” and found my blog today. Which would make sense if they had even looked at my post about an IVF I did in Europe, but that page hasn’t been viewed in a few days. I keep imagining someone who got a paper cut on their ass from their gyno, for some reason.
    My least fav search ending at my blog was “sweet young thing eating papaya”. Gross.

    Jackie recently posted A Private Matter.

  126. I love your glorious brain Jenny. Pick a phrase at random from any of your writings and they are so illogical as to be almost mystical. Humans are illogical creatures, hence we flock to your awesome blog.
    PS I’m totally with you on Doctor Who, as I do indeed possess a soul, and it belongs to David Tennant. PPS Have you ever watched any of the old series? I was raised on the shows from the 70s which I think must’ve had a budget of about $10 per episode … :)

    Michelle recently posted Alice’s Adventures Through The Stormwater Pipe.

  127. I feel like Google needs to institute a new policy that basically sends people to you when the algorithms can’t come up with a logical answer to their query. They could call it the Bloggess Error: “We’re sorry, your search was too fucked up to decipher. Head over to The Bloggess and sort yourself out.”

  128. All I can think of that sounds totally logical is WTH?

  129. I think I need to start a Queen cover band named ‘Ukrainian Porn Hounds’…

  130. Yipes! I found your blog in June, I think, and I can’t remember with what phrase, but at that time I was querying “valium for dogs”, and things along that line. ;)

  131. Haha, I do this quite a bit and often think about making a top 10 list of my weekly weirdest searches. Every time I check my analytics searches, I end up being simultaneously entertained, yet disgruntled in terms of the type of traffic my blog reels in. Some WEIRD shit.

    Rico Swaff recently posted The Phantom of the Awkward Part 5: When Mr. Studly’s Package Was in Plain Sight Without Him Knowing.

  132. 133
    TehTimmah

    your tribe is made up of some of the zaniest, wackiest, craziest people ever. It’s awesome.
    so glad to be a part

  133. I’m sorta cheating by posting here but I figure there is more chance you will read this than the post for the thing you can’t live without which has over 3000 (!!) entries…A old lady died and gave all of her books to my library. Among the boxes were a whole stack of old Doctor Who paperbacks from the 80′s. If I sold them on Ebay I’d probably get arrested but if I mailed them to you, probably not. Let me know if you’re tempted.

  134. I seem to remember the cats playing “the floor is made of lava”, or maybe I made that up?

    Imaginary Geraldo, though? That’s a little cray cray.

    Jen recently posted More quotables, and also a Magical Mystery Box.

  135. I am evidently the leading expert in building cat forts. “How to build a fort” is my top search referral by a landslide.

    Kitten Thunder's Girl recently posted Blindsided.

  136. 137
    WahineGirr

    Imaginary-Geraldo…if only

  137. I got one who was searching for Scottish Brothels, but in fairness I may have mentioned my Scottishness and brothels but not on the same post and I don’t think, if the wife is reading this that I have ever said that I have ever visited a brothel in Scotland or anywhere else although my wee brother did once in Kenya Many tears ago, so I told my mum on the back of a postcard all about that trip OF HIS and how he managed to get a broken arm after asking for a refund…. but that is entirely another story altogether

    Tom Stronach recently posted Film Review: Prometheus 2012.

  138. Your tribe needs to hold a convention in Vegas. Can you imagine what that gathering would look like? Let’s do it!

    Molly Dugger Brennan recently posted Home Sweet Home.

  139. 140
    Debs (findawe)

    Actually I think I remember reading that phrase in your comments – on a post about how your family don’t get that your Internet friends aren’t like imaginary friend’s, or something? Or I’m losing my marbles worse than usual, because that is a really weird phrase to *imagine* that I remembered reading…

  140. I feel like we should have t-shirts or something. Or a membership card.

    HD recently posted Treadmill Effect.

  141. That’s…odd. My question, though, is how do you only check your analytics every few months? I am strangely compelled to look at mine everyday. They always says the same thing: “no one visits you!”

    Rabia @ TheLiebers recently posted Five Minute Friday: Broken.

  142. WOW..

    No wonder the NSA, UK and Feds want to censor search terms….just imagine…

  143. That inspired me to check my own blog. Someone came to my blog this week by searching for “green fecal droppings on eggplant leaves.” I don’t know if that was for my garden blogging (in which I never, ever mention eggplants) or my incisive political and social commentaries (which I’d hate to think of as fecal droppings, but, you know . . . ).

    Anubis Bard recently posted A symmetry of butterfly weed.

  144. I’m not surprised by the random search phrases, but mostly I’m impressed by the 27 million visits part.

  145. So, because of this post I spent several minutes of fun entering lengthy and weird sentences into google search and then randomly clicking on what google suggested. LOL That outta screw with some peoples’ minds…

  146. Pretty sure I remember doing all of those when I was little, but not necessarily at the same time… Two out of three, maybe.

    Allison recently posted Solidarity Sing Along: The Arrest of the Peaceful.

  147. Giggling.

    Kathleen recently posted Swim Long Laps.

  148. I’m betting at least 13 high school students plagiarized from your blog. Whenever I’m a little suspicious of a student’s writing a just type in the phrase I’m pretty sure they did NOT write. Now I want to know what kind of writing assignment they were fulfilling.

    Jenn recently posted Cross Stitching: You can go home again..

  149. A startling number of people find my blog by searching “cuttlefish porn.” But this doesn’t surprise me ’cause I actually did write about cuttlefish porn. I also wrote about vagina lollipops. I’m beginning to think *I’m* what’s wrong with the internet….

    MsHazard recently posted Prosopagnosia sounds like something you order at Olive Garden.

  150. it’s like that person searched for your blog while watching daytime TV, facebooking, and listening to Science Friday on NPR. I totally admire their ability to get shiz done with an extreme case of ADD.

    monica recently posted Our first child graduated! The job prospects don't look too good, and peeing or pooping on the floor is still a possibility. But no one ever said parenting was easy, right?.

  151. I love search terms. Love them. Hilarious.

    Curiosity recently posted Requisite Cliff-Hanger Update.

  152. This is a museum of taxidermied gophers. They are dressed up and in dioramas of different scenes. I went yesterday. It reminded me of you. http://denisemorris.wordpress.com/2013/07/26/gopher-hole-museum-better-than-the-smithsonian/

  153. 154
    DarthMama

    Well, we have all just thoroughly messed up your google search results now since I’m willing to bet that every single one of the commenters (myself included) searched some variation of “imaginary geraldo” and “cats dressed up as movie stars”. Adjust your results accordingly.

    What I find more disturbing is that, immediately after the Bloggess posts that come up as search results for “imaginary geraldo cats like movie stars”, the next entry is “Geraldo Rivera tweets nearly-nude photo”. Even Jenny could not make that one up.

  154. Haha! I love the specificity of that search.

    Rara recently posted Search Engine Confession.

  155. That is awesome!!!

    Amanda R. recently posted Tuesday Whilst Eating Oysters.

  156. I don’t think that could have been any weirder…
    Okay maybe hairless cats would have made it weirder!

    My twice baked potato recently posted So NOT The Karate Kid.

  157. 13 out of 27 and a half MILLION? DAYUM!

    Jami recently posted Going for a record.

  158. Yeah, it amazes my husband every day what makes me feel normal…this totally does!

  159. I like to check up on my freaks too! The weirdest Googled phrase that led to my blog was “Pentecostal queefs.” And now I want to know what the Pentecostal bible says about vagina sounds.

    Unfit Parent recently posted Go Home, Moscato. You're Drunk..

  160. I love the crazy of this blog. So many freaks so little time.

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  161. I just want 13 people to show up, freaks are MORE THAN WELCOME!!! And you’ll notice Todays Theme is Toilet Paper, clearly freaks won’t be out of place.

    Tara recently posted Todays Theme: Toilet Paper, over or under?.

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