Horrible, wonderful taxidermy. Someone up there likes me. And hates Victor.

I don’t even know where to start with this, so I’m skipping right to: “OMG, YOU GUYS, I HAVE FOUND HEAVEN AND IT’S ONLY SLIGHTLY MORE CORPSEY THAN YOU WOULD EXPECT.”

Long story short, this weekend we went to a tiny town near us to go to resale stores because we’re strange people who like weird, used things.  As you might know, I have a particular penchant for badly done, super-old taxidermy that makes me laugh and makes people who have to visit my house very uncomfortable.  By late afternoon we came across a large odd store filled with so much weird, half-price shit that it was like coming home.  In fact, I fell so in love with one section of the store that the guy in charge told me I could come and bring my laptop, get into bed and write there after they were closed if I needed quiet time.  It was so awesome I suspect it’s some sort of set-up to arrest me for arson I haven’t yet achieved.

Taxidermy, old books, an unmade bed. These are a few of my favorite things.

Regardless, I have to share a pictorial essay about the amazingness you can only come across in Texas.

Just a fraction of the frightening, vintage taxidermy we saw when we first walked in. Victor and I were both like, "WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?" but I suspect we were saying it for different reasons.

Every corner had something amazing to behold:

Do you know what a lion looks like when it's horking up a hairball? Well, you do now. I don't know what that thing is on it's back. I thought it was a dog but it might have been a small bear or a preemie sasquatch.

Most people just throw away their fish heads, but apparently early crafters realized that if you nail them to a plank they look just like Christmas carolers hitting a high note. I suspect this is going to be the newest DIY thing on Pinterest.

This was actually from the shop next door but it still seems to fit here:

Of course, I couldn’t buy them all, so I settled on my three favorite friends.

I don't know what this is, but I love it. The pine-cone fell off when I got home...

…so I replaced it with a tiny mug, except now that I look at it, it sort of looks like he's relieving himself in it because he really, really needs to pee, or was interrupted when giving a sperm sample. Regardless, I think we can all relate.

Ferris Mewler was impressed.  Or hungry.

I also got a…weasel?  I don’t have a name yet, but she’s very well dressed because I have insomnia:

She wears a fez now. Fezzes are cool.

She also has excellent taste in books. It's pretty obvious she's classy as shit.

And my personal favorite…possibly the derpiest taxidermy animal in the history of ever.  I cannot walk past her and not laugh my ass off and that makes her the best investment ever.  That’s why I own taxidermied animals instead of a 401k.

There is not an angle that she looks bad in.  She is the gift that keeps on giving.  She needs a name.  Feel free to give suggestions.

600 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I was feeling inexplicably sad today, so I decided to see what’s going on in your magical world. One look at Derpy there and I’m smiling again. :)

  2. The guy from The Far Side would love these! (Garry Larson, yeah that’s him.)

  3. Oh, thank you. I was having the shittiest day, and dear Deer Delilah at the end there just made it all better. I needed that. You rock =)

  4. Mein Gott im Himmel, who make those? I’m going to be having nightmares for the rest of the week.

    Andreas Heinakroon recently posted The blush response.

  5. Holy hell, I laughed so hard at this post. THANK YOU!!!
    And that squirrel-type guy with the sperm sample? He reminds me of Scrat from the Ice Age movies…too funny!!!!

  6. Dat deer.

    My vote is for Debby the Derpy Deer.

    Leigh recently posted Job search (Day 191 KEDfaY).

  7. I’m laughing my butt off here. Thank you.

  8. THAT GIRAFFEDEER IS SMILING AT ME.

    Shannon akaMonty recently posted Is that a Magic Stick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?.

  9. You’ve gotta go with Deer Delilah, that’s an awesome name!

  10. Deer Prudence?
    Deer Abby?

    Snod V recently posted I’ve become ‘That Girl’.

  11. Why is it when I saw the weisel Harriot Potter popped into my head?

  12. Agreed. You have found the Ice Age squirrel. IT NEEDS A GIANT ACORN

  13. Deerlilah.

  14. I think ‘Derpy’ might have it to be quite honest!

    Maybe that expression in the first picture is because she can SEE what Scratt is doing with that coffee mug…

    Poor Derpy.

    April recently posted Thoughtful and unusual presents for book addicts.

  15. I love that weasel! It’s adorable. Damn, I just said a dead animal was adorable.

    Rhonda recently posted Jack Kingston: The “No Free Lunch” Douchebag.

  16. I think her name might be Julie Derpy. You know, like the Golden Globe nominated actress… Only derpier.

  17. OMG…this makes me want to start collecting taxidermy. Or maybe I will just come here and look at the pictures of yours since if I brought these into the house …well, I don’t know what would happen, but it probably wouldn’t be good.

    Amanda P recently posted Yummy Homemade Hamburger Buns (for bread machine).

  18. You have so many pieces of awesome bits of art and whatnot, at least, it seems that way from your writing. Do you ever have trouble getting rid of any of it?

    David recently posted Why the “Socialists” are winning: Education.

  19. It’s like you found home. You should have a book of short stories called “Tales from the creepy communal bed in the taxidermy shop”.. You’re better at titles than I am, but you get where I’m going.

    I needed this today. Thank you for continuing to be you. <3

  20. Looks like a “Dophelia” to me

  21. Not only is her dancing glorious, but so is this whole post.

    Poor Victor.

    Jess recently posted Saddle Club #3: Horse Sense.

  22. Greta Van Damme comes to mind.

  23. OMG I wish that were not so damn far from me because awesome sauce has been liberally poured upon this place.

    I have to say if you added a little bow your newest addition kinda reminds me of pearl from mama’s family

  24. Oh dear Lord. That is amazing. I think you should name her Flashdance Rabbit. Because she can’t dance and she’s not a rabbit, which is why it makes perfect sense. Thank you for sharing!

  25. Oh. My. Glorious. I can’t stop laughing. See, this what happens when deer get addicted to crack. Lay off, Bambi. lay off.

    Dawn recently posted ABANDONED INDIANA, THE IN-37 EDITION.

  26. May I suggest ‘Dinah’ for your new lady Weasel?

  27. How about Deer Abby?

  28. Sally. For no reason.

    daniel recently posted Those Dashing Saints.

  29. Miss. Holly.Goatlightly!!

    Miss Gee recently posted A Business Trip From An Eleven Year Old's Perspective..

  30. You could name her Louise Jefferson. You know, “Weezy” .That’s what George called her. And that woman was smart AND sassy.

  31. I love the peeing squirrel-thing – who, of course, would pee in a cup and not on the ground because he’s a lady. Deer Rebecca Snodgrass, maybe?

    Julie You Jest recently posted Antique stores are awesome in Austria…and a bit terrifying..

  32. Imogene McStub, the 2nd

  33. The derpy deer head from angle 1 has that “I can kill you with my brain” kind of look. Maybe name her Deerlirious?

  34. Two words for you… Mantis Shrimp…. You need one

    Kerry :) recently posted Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…. Unless it is a Mantis Shrimp.

  35. I’m on turbo cough medicine today and this made my day a little more surreal

    Ragemichelle recently posted 5 Ways To Personalize Your Cubicle And Become A Movie Star.

  36. I am SO glad everyone else is gone for the day so I can bust out laughing in peace and without nervous glances. Although that can be fun, too.

    As for name suggestions, the only ones that come to mind are Doe-reen and Deer-dre, because apparently unrestrained laughter robs me of creativity.

  37. That’s what you could name the weasel, I mean.

    That may have been obvious.

  38. That deer. I just. Can’t.

  39. How much is the lion? We should take up a collection. Because then you’re not buying it, it’s a *present*. Victor can’t veto a *present* right?

  40. Oh Jenny, I rarely comment on your blog, but am a regular reader, and this post just affirms why I love having you as part of my virtual world. It doesn’t get any better on a Monday than seeing a weasel in a fez. That is one deranged looking shrew – perhaps some valium rather than coffee? Will you be making a return trip to that store called Heaven?

    Shelley Long recently posted Girl In The Bubble.

  41. Looks like an Esmerelda to me

  42. I shall call him Randalph Rutabaga. Well, at least just this once.

  43. Also maybe you need a dark unicorn to balance otu the light pegasus

    http://www.etsy.com/listing/20937793/black-unicorn-real-taxidermy-creation

  44. Dorothy. Dorothy the Dancing Deer.

  45. The deer seemed like Annabelle to me. idky though.

  46. The name needs to be Tiddliwinks Jenkins. I don’t know how or why that came to me, but I almost believe it is divine inspiration.

  47. I do not envy the backlash the ASPCA and PETA will have on you. These are farking HYSTERICAL!!!

    (Weirdly, I’m a member of PETA and a strong supporter of the ASPCA. I think it confuses them. Plus, all my taxidermy died before I was born or died of natural causes so it’s ethically murky enough to make protesters confused. ~ Jenny)

  48. Are you there, God? It’s Me, Derpy.

  49. Well, there goes another keyboard.

    :wipes down spewed coffee:

    Stace recently posted Open letter to future besties based on Facebook sidebar recommendations.

  50. Michelle Buckman.

  51. Even though this is clearly an adult deer, I am going to have to go with Jane Fawnda

    Or Charles Deerwin

    Or just Jane Doe

    Casey @ Waffling recently posted Rast Dresser to Bookshelf!.

  52. oh my god you’ve got to freaking QUIT i can’t stop laughing …

  53. PREEMIE SASQUATCH?? Oh how I love you. All of those animals look drunk.

    Stephanie recently posted I refuse to believe I’m the only one..

  54. Crazy-eye Coke Deer…?

    Melissa recently posted Sleepless in Portland.

  55. Ezmerelda

  56. Willemina popped into my head for the derpy deer. LOL!!

  57. “i’m dancing right now and it is glorious” made my day.
    hope someone wittier than me comes up with a name along the lines of dirty dancing or flashdance…

    hello haha harf recently posted Question.

  58. It seems clear to me that her name is Deerp.

  59. I’m not sure if it’s possible, but if you’re a Harry Potter fan, I’d go with Jenny Weasely. How could you not?

    OH my gosh! two great laughs in one day. That derpy deer is AMAZING!

  60. Don’t know why but the first name that crossed my mind for the deer was Lerma, which is probably not even a real name.

    KM recently posted No Offense, but.

  61. 63
    RedistaNashville

    So, I’m thinking Mommy Deer-ie is saying, “I’ve got my eye on you! No WIRE HANGERS!!!”

  62. She needs to be named some variation of Philomena…I don’t know why.

  63. Made the terrible mistake of reading this during a lull in a meeting.

  64. Yup, Derpy would do nicely, I think. Donna, Blitzen, Vixen, Derpy… it works.

    Eleanorjane recently posted Fixing wardrobe holes.

  65. OMG…. I could not possibly love you anymore without actually hunting you down and hugging you while I cry. You make my life so much brighter with every post. Thank you for being you, Jenny.

    And for the record, I’m voting to name the derpy deer LaToya.

    Lynette recently posted First Date Jitters.

  66. There isn’t a soul on this earth who could make weird taxidermy more fetching than you do. The weasel in a fez. Be still my heart!

    Katie recently posted North and South by John Jakes.

  67. I’m liking the Deer Delilah name suggestion. Oh that wonky eye!

  68. Lady Deerpé?

  69. Prudence Tabernacle for the trippin’ balls deer.

    Abernathy Didactylos for the caffeine’d squrrl.

    Eileen Haveron recently posted Christmas Time. Already. Whuh?.

  70. I”m pretty sure the thing on the lion is a marten, though it’s a little hard to see. Possibly a fisher, or a malformed bear cub.
    The weasel is indeed a long-tailed weasel.

  71. 73
    @adigoesswimming

    I love how two shops right next to one another both sold taxidermy. What IS this place you live in?!

    Also I’ve been told “derp” is an offensive word, because of the cognitive disability it implies? I’m not explaining this well but someone told me this the other day and I figured I would pass it on. I figure if it hurt someone’s feelings, I don’t need another reason not to use it when English is chock-full of lovely inoffensive words.

  72. I was trying to come up with a name to suggest for the . . . deer(?), but then I saw the comment about the squirrel from Ice Age needing a giant acorn, and now all I can think is, “So THAT’S why he needs to give a sperm sample.”

    Natalie recently posted Seeing Red.

  73. This just made my afternoon. Thank you so much for sharing! I really hope that while I am working in Russia next month I can keep up with your posts. It’s going to be a long month if I can’t get a pick up from your writing and photos.

  74. I love to watch old movies and musicals. Your deer should be called Deeranna Durbin (after the actress Deanna Durbin) because she is so happy she may sing a cheery little at any moment.

    Keitha recently posted Lunches January 6th - 10th.

  75. Derpy there just made me laugh so hard I’m crying. Except I’m at work and shouldn’t be looking at non-work-related-shit, so it sounded more like a series of snorts. Snorts with tears. I wonder what my coworkers think I’m doing back here in my office…

  76. I started laughing hysterically at this line: Victor and I were both like, “WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?” but I suspect we were saying it for different reasons.

    And never stopped…..still can’t stop. People at work think I’m convulsing.

  77. Minerva! After Minerva the Roman goddess of wisdom and sponsor of arts, trade, and defense. Because that face screams wisdom to me.

  78. If someone breaks into your house and steals your well-dressed weasel, that would be me.

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted A Very Straightforward Post About the Golden Globes.

  79. Oh deer.

    kelli martinelli recently posted Apologies to almonds..

  80. The name should be Lady Derpina since her face is derp lovely. :)

  81. I feel like Derpy would have a lisp, which made me laugh even more when I went back and reread it out loud with a lisp. And, actually, I think they’d all talk with lisps – could be the teeth or the expression on their faces or the fact that lisps make me giggle.

  82. I don’t know what the derpy animal is, but she looks like a Rhonda to me.

  83. That last one is OBVIOUSLY a Gracie. Like Gracie Allen, George Burns’ faithfully derpy sidekick. And the first one has shrew-like features….but I definitely could go with Scrat.

  84. THE FEZ!!! I freaking LOVE the fez! this was, quote possibly, the funniest thing I have seen in 2014…..great blog

    Jaye recently posted The Night is Quiet.

  85. Laughing hurts post tummy bug… but I love the newest, craziest additions to your family. Your deer is obviously looking for a serious drug reference name – so possibly something along the lines of Lindsey Lohan, Courtney whatsername that used to date Kurt Cobain, or something… I can’t brain today or I’d have something awesome to suggest.

    Heather Taylor recently posted The "I Do" Wedding or Everyday Wrap/Shawl - MADE TO ORDER by PenguinflyDesigns.

  86. I know this name is derpy, but I think the weasel should be Sonica Shrewdriver or Doctor Donna Shrewdriver (if we’re going for a Doctor Who pun)?

    Or if you want to go with your history of plays on famous or well known names, Minnie Shrewdriver?

    Thanks for posting this, I completely LOL’ed loudly at work. My office-mates must fear I’m having a nervous breakdown.

  87. That deer is obviously Crazy-eyed Ed. Obviously. Also, please tell me you got the deer hoof flip off?

  88. Delilah the Derpy Deer!

    Can I just say those pictures of her had tears running down my face I was laughing SO HARD! This has been a shitty day, but ole Derpy has saved the day!

  89. Louetta. I don’t know why.

  90. I really really think you should have that hairball lion.

    Alie Kriofske recently posted Do you believe in love?.

  91. I feel she very well may be an Ermentrude (Ermie).

  92. LOVE!! Made me laugh so hard. <3

  93. the loveliness of the fawn..indeed she is the Mary and you are the Rhoda…it’s clear. I Love your new pets. all of them! TRUE love- You have awakened “desire” that did not exist before…thank you.

    linda sue recently posted questionable taste.

  94. LOL! those are wonderfully awful! And I want to add my vote to Delilah – that’s what I was going to suggest anyway when I saw Cami’s comment at #3. GMTA?

  95. I think the deer needs to be named Durphina (sounds like Durfina). Dame Durphina! of Derpville! *head desk* time for more cold meds and a shower before work >.<

  96. Oh holy shit, I’m sitting here at work, nearly pissing myself, tears in my eyes & I HAVE to keep my hand over my mouth so my boss doesn’t hear the cackle that’s building up inside of me. Wow, that’s some of the most amazing taxiderpy I’ve seen in a long time. I know Victor kind of understands what you’re accumulating..but I wonder what your daughter thinks of all this? Please tell me she has twisted tea parties with stuff..

  97. Oh Jenny, those smiley fish heads were amazing. Thank you and as for naming your deer, all I can think of is “Dear Wanda The Dancing Deer” shhh it is early here in Australia and I haven’t had my coffee yet. But thanks to you I am having a very smiley morning.

    Kim @frogpondsrock recently posted Sunday Ceramics.

  98. Those fish heads remind me of the poison spitting dinosaur in Jurassic Park.

  99. Deer Delilah or Deerlilah, please. Please please please!

  100. The deer looks like it died REALLY surprised. And not in a surprise birthday party kind of way.

  101. Derpy deer could be Victoria after deer(dear) Victor

    Tami recently posted Somethings I've been working on and finished!!!!(gasp).

  102. 1. After reading your book, this blog makes so much more sense now.

    2. I am torn between delight and disgust at anything taxidermied. I suppose that’s probably the draw.

    Stephanie Scott recently posted TV: Reasons Why You Should Watch Justified.

  103. I have never commented before – just quietly stalked and laughed. But I needed to write today and ask two things:
    1) Why aren’t we neighbors and best friends? We have the same name for godsakes.
    2) How did you manage to marry the most patient man in the universe? I know he doesn’t allow you to buy EVERYTHING, but he sure lets you get away with a lot! Mine would definitely cut me off after two poorly taxidermied animals.

  104. Okay, I know it’s been said, but she totally looks like a Jane. It must be Jane Doe. Jane would go dancing without a body. Jane is that supportive friend who’s always there with a wildly inappropriate joke to make you laugh when you’re down. Jane embraces her wonky eye.

    Sarah recently posted New Gig, New Look, Renewed Blogging.

  105. 109
    lovescheese

    I love the Bad Taxidermy website! The funniest BAD taxidermy. http://www.badtaxidermy.com/

  106. If you are ever in Baltimore (and God knows why you would be) you should check out:
    http://www.theantiquemanltd.com

  107. I have to vote for Deer Abby the Derpy Deer and Louise “Weezy” Jefferson the Weazel. Fantastic finds.

    Kelli recently posted 2014, I Surrender.

  108. Her name should be Erma Gerd.

    You thought that meme was dead? Nope, only here can we breathe new life into it – and make it better – with taxidermy.

    Jess recently posted From Pastime to Passion….

  109. I’m thinking she should be named Jonny Derp. People are work are wondering why I’m crying on my keyboard…

  110. As Andrea says above, Minerva. But I will add a surname – Minerva McGonaldoe.

    I went to look for “Female weasel name” but “female weasel counterpart Winnie” is already a thing on Google so I suspect people are way ahead of me.

    Victoria recently posted Patchouli! Back in stock!.

  111. What about “Deerphine” like Delphine?

  112. Omg……I’ve been reading your blog forever and, while amused,never commented….until now. I am laughing so hard I am crying and you have NO idea how badly I needed that. I love you Jenny, you are my Texas soul sister!!

  113. Sandra Dee-er

  114. I would call her Odd Aunt Octavia. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!

  115. I am pretty sure my toddler is going to have nightmares now.. lol.

    itzybellababy recently posted My Stash, My Stash, My Lovely Diaper Stash..

  116. Scabbers

  117. It has been a LONG time since I laughed so hard. That weasel looks like Mrs. Fezziwig to me, and the deer? Derpilicious the Dancing Queen? Beats the fuck out of me. I think I’ve deprived myself of oxygen from laughing . . .

    Mary QoE recently posted Weekly Photo Challenge: Window.

  118. I thought your “favorite” was a giraffe, not a deer. I’m not sure if it’s because a giraffe just seems far more grandiose and generally fantabulous so I’ve adopted this as the more appealing identification in my mind, or if it really is a giraffe. Where’s Jack Hannah when you need him?

  119. FroDoe Baggins.

  120. Fawn Hall?

  121. I read this recently and thought of you when I saw the picture of the taxidermied (sp?) ostrich and the caption “Although it seems strange, having taxidermy pieces in one’s home was once a sign of affluence.”

    A Rich Woman Abandoned This Apartment In 1942. What They Just Found Inside Is Incredible. (http://www.viralnova.com/paris-apartment/)

    Cris recently posted The Yearly Tree Post.

  122. I know you will love these. FloridaTaxidermied Varmits are in a world of their own… Our varmits in Florida get drunk, play piano, and are EVEN SECRET SQUIRREL PAPARAZZI.. We even have them in electric chairs run by hand crank rats. Check out the ones I took pics of that are FOR SALE!!!!! Right down the street in Lake County, Florida!! You are welcome in Advance. PS. The store owner is awesome and has kept some of the names I chose for our little friends… https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10202398760027916.1073741839.1160651081&type=1&l=f49181a5f3

  123. I’d go with Deerdre but I love pun names.

    Audra recently posted Pet Peeve.

  124. Alice Faye. Her name is Alice Faye.

  125. The weasel could be Loueasel (instead of Louisa). I vote for Deerlilah for the deer!

  126. That’s the classiest weasel I have ever seen….. and I just don’t even have words for that magnificent and hilarious deer…..

    Kelly recently posted “I can’t emphasize enough how little we thought about this”.

  127. Mavis Doherty, because she is Marvelous.

  128. I think that’s a pillow on the lion. A pillow with a really strange furry tassel with ears and eyes.

    Jami recently posted Going for a record.

  129. The last time I was in Fredericksburg, there was nothing THAT cool. Time for a road trip!

    Kristie recently posted I am back. I think. Maybe..

  130. 135
    crankybytch

    Huh. Looks like a Felicia to me. Maybe a Randy, for a boy. But the tongue thing is definitely a Miley Cyrus kinda thing. Ummmm. I’m gonna stick with Randy. Randy-licious! Oooooh yeah. Lemme lick ya.
    Thanks. Now I`m going to have the voice of a horny, retro-70`s-porn-voiced, non-existant, unnamed, taxidermied deer head in MY head all day.
    Oh, stuff me and mount me…the rest of today is gonna be interesting!!!

  131. I just did a super quick scan of the comments – I upvote for Minerva or Willemina.
    Also, she needs hair bow – with SPARKLES!!!

  132. Oh my god, she is spectacular! Part of me says “Susan” and part of me says “Hermia” (But now that I look at the other comments “Delilah” sounds promising

    Laura recently posted Singing- while- Driving.

  133. 138
    Stacey Ruch

    Please name her Darla! Deer Darla! PLEASE! It would be such a tribute to a woman that deserved to be stuffed and put on the wall!

  134. Remember last week when I sent you the link about real, actual ways parts of the body can be hurt by laughing too hard? I think I did two of them.

  135. I love naming things! I have a few suggestions:

    Fernando or Jayne Cobb for the Starbucks fan, Maureen Hacklesberry for the Fez wearing weasel, and Her Majesty Lydia Fantastic.

    Czaja! recently posted The Great Adventure.

  136. 141
    Haggis Chihuahua

    Jane Doe?

  137. Please PLEASE create an album of all your wonder-filled finds. I tried to show my daughter how fin you are and we succumbed to internet ADD.

  138. You definitely need to name the deer Tori Spelling.

  139. I totally would have suggested Derpy Hooves, but then you’d totally be at risk of infringement with My Little Pony. Oh – and I thought it was a goat at first. Because I CLEARLY know what animals look like.

    As for the weasel… you should add to the Weasely family. That is CLEARLY Molly, because she’s classy as shit. And looks like she will eat your face off if you mess with her. Well, you know… if she were still alive. Ooooh – Maully Weasely.

    PS – That totally looks like a squirrel-rat hybrid. Of the evil variety. CLEARLY it’s Gregori Ratsputin.

  140. Wait, did you say “preemie sasquatch”?

  141. Bambea Arthur
    Doe-ann Worley
    Doesephine Baker
    Deer Lord, this thing is terrifying.

  142. OMG. The deer at the end with the Judge Judy mourning collar on is the best. I think the name has to have some reference to Judge Judy in it.

    Wombat Central recently posted Movie Monday – Saving Mr. Banks.

  143. Her name is DORIS for the love of god! How could you have missed it? All she needs is curlers…

  144. She looks like a Doe-lores to me.

    June recently posted Baby got Books!.

  145. Remind me not to come to your house at night…or for that matter, ever. LOL!

  146. 152
    Andy Average

    We really need to meet if ya’ll ever come to New Orleans.

  147. Is that Bambi’s mother?

    Barbara recently posted National Fruitcake Toss Day.

  148. Phronsie Pepper! From the book, “The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew”!

  149. Your weasel looks like a Wilamena.

  150. I gotta go with Jenny for the deer name but wait, hear me out. It’s Jenny from Forest Gump and it’s the scene where she is in the nightclub and has just done a line of blow and whips her head back up to survey the room and has the EXACT SAME LOOK ON HER FACE. Plus, bonus: you now have a good excuse to go find her mate, Forest Gump. See that? I totally just did you a solid.

    Joanna recently posted Catching Up.

  151. How about Doe-dee McDancyhooves

    Ragemichelle recently posted 5 Ways To Personalize Your Cubicle And Become A Movie Star.

  152. 158
    Karen in WA

    Dear gawd, that sneering squirrel thing rocks. I think its name should be Christopher Peeve.

  153. 159
    Pope Zaphod

    I don’t have a name for the deer, but if you ever get another stoat hopped up on goofballs, you should name her Methyl Ermine.

  154. Awww. Dotty Deer! Give her a crocheted collar and ask her for sage advice!

    Melanie recently posted Don't You Forget About Me.

  155. Taxiderpy at its finest! We should go shopping together.

  156. Glad you found such an awsomely suited-to-you place!

    Punky Coletta recently posted Third Nipple.

  157. Amelia Bedeeria

  158. I have the PERFECT nom de plume for the fez-wearing weasel. In honor of another fez-wearing friend of yours, she must be called Wilhelmina Weaselton.

  159. First little guy – has kidney stones and is in pain. Name: Stoney

    Ferret in school dress: Madeline de Furet (Ferret in french is Furet)

    Deer: MARTY FELDEERMAN

  160. The Fez is Brilliant! When I saw that, I started laughing so hard I cried. My co-workers are moving their desks into another room…

  161. “The True Story of Bambi.”

  162. Ohmygod the tiny terror squirrel looks like my SOUL. Complete with the coffee cup. Amazing. I lovelovelove the deer.

    Kate recently posted New Year's at Chincoteague.

  163. She looks like a Daphne to me. I couldn’t say why, but there it is.

    jennie lynn recently posted When Is A Mixer Not Just A Mixer?.

  164. When I saw the title, I was really hoping that the unknown someone that bought the unicorn had sent it to you as a gift. Sigh.

  165. Sylvia in honor of Sylvia Plath! Plus, with that collar can’t you see some baby deer going, “Oh, that’s just CRAZY Aunt Sylvia….” :S

  166. Oh please write a childrens’ book. For adults. A fairy tale. About people, animals, real life.

    Burns the Fire recently posted As The World Turns.

  167. I fear that not bringing home the pillow-backed lion was a terrible oversight.

    I think Jess has hit it on the nose with Erma Gerd for the deer’s name.

    Average Jane recently posted Average Jane's Sick Cat.

  168. Her name is Ginger Dogers, she is a doe who dances gloriously.

  169. You really should go with Deer Delilah.

  170. I don’t understand why my favorite friends here don’t get you?!!

    This is what happened to Bambi after the movie, like other child actors his fame and fortune became too much for him to handle and he was swept into the main stream, began using drugs and drinking. Spending so many years in and out of rehab. Only to spiral more and more out of control. Hanna Montana should take note to how Bambi ended up…this could be her one day.

  171. Oh, my, dog, I laughed so hard I scared the one normal cat we have. And even Mr Puppy is looking at me stranger than usual. The deer? Darleene. Or Deerleen. She totally looks like a Deerleen.

  172. Jenny, You’re awesome! Never stop being you. Bless you and Victor.

  173. I dunno, she looks kinda like a Doereen to me.

  174. Holy Crap! That derpy weasel with the fez, that looks like he’s saying “Phteven” is holding the book pendant I made for Jenny! This is as exciting as when she tweeted a picture of it when she received it.

    Kit recently posted Mini-Book Pendant - Around the World in 80 Days - Jules Verne by Kits.

  175. I did not realize, until now, that all ferrets should wear fezzes. You have shown me the truth.

    Also, the world doesn’t hate Victor, we just enjoy his reaction too much. Sorry Victor, thanks for taking one for the team!

    Laurie recently posted Cleaning Laminate Floors.

  176. Eloise for a lifetime of helpful hints that she could give you or Madge, the Palmolive lady, because “You’re soaking in it.”

  177. I think the deer should be called Cha Cha DeerGregorio. It’s a reference to Cha Cha DiGregorio from the movie “Grease.” After all, she was the best dancer at Saint Bernadette’s! Keep up the awesome posts! They give me much needed laughs!

  178. Gotta be on Victor’s side for this one! Sorry!

    Jane @ The Blue Morpho recently posted Fit & Fabulous: Weight Watchers and the Yoga Challenge.

  179. Frances.

  180. That deer is Doe-ris Derp. It popped into my head, kinda like the nightmares will tonight.

  181. Fawny Kitaen, perhaps?

  182. That deer is awesome! It looks like something out of The Far Side!

  183. I agree w/ Snod V. Deer Abby. If only you had a column to hang her on, she could be Deer Abby the Columnist.

    Also, hands up, everyone who when they saw the 4th picture, started the “Fish Heads” song running through their heads…

    bluzdude recently posted Why It's Still Governor Christie's Fault.

  184. The Bambi coat hook just sent me over the edge.

    That’s all.

    The WP recently posted We're Having A Vortex.

  185. I think Derpy might be one of Santa’s “other” reindeer.

  186. The weasel reminds me of Gretchen Fox from Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas.
    I think the deer should be named Phtefanie.

  187. Ok- that last one made me laugh, too!!! You are once again, awesome. I love you.

    kerry recently posted Vegas!.

  188. I was so sad when Pat the Unicorn sold before the funds were raised to buy him/her! Who knew you had so many taxidermical wonders so close by! The deer hoof – genius. The scrat – what the heck IS that thing. Thank you so much for the laugh.

  189. Daphne the Derpy Deer!

  190. 197
    Laura Paperkid

    Name her Lola. That’s the song that came in my head while looking at her. The one that goes “Her name is Lola. She was a show girl. …”

  191. Omg this is the funniest thing ever, wish I was married to victor, although my husband has finally agreed I could buy a jackalope head only to find it had sold, I think he knew.

  192. name the trio after former First Ladies. Eleanor, Hilary, and Martha

  193. Tears were streaming down my face so hard that the first time I looked through, I didn’t catch that you featured the tiny book my dear friend KIT from KIT’S DESIGNS made for you! And so freaking appropriate that the dear little derpy weasel is also wearing a FEZ, since Kit is also one of the biggest 11th Doctor fans I know!
    Ah, my internet friends all have such excellent taste!

  194. Derpa Deer. That is a deer right?

  195. I think the deer should be named Agatha!

  196. 203
    Scott Oldfield

    How about Deerdre Hall? (She was on the soap opera, “Deers of our Lives”.)

  197. The name Cloris jumped into my head as soon as I saw the deer. Don’t know why. LOVE the weasel in the fez….
    Thanks again, Jenny!

  198. I’m a long time lurker and a few comment poster. I think the deer should be named Sassy Lashes McKenna

  199. For the weasel: Fezmerelda Weaslington. It’s classy and sophisticated, which is obviously her style.

    As for the deer, I have no idea….

    Nita recently posted What’s that?.

  200. I totally agree… the squirrel looks like Scrat from the Ice Age movies… you need to check out the scene in #4 when he goes underwater for his acorn and gets all squished… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbzvtxj-6hc, it’s about 1minute in :-)

  201. Flouncy. She looks like she’d be singing that Glamorous song by Fergie. Therefore, Flouncy it is.

  202. You are my honest-to-God hero. Or heroine. Or heroin. The only kind I can have ’cause I’m Mormon :).

  203. That deer. I think her name needs to be Doreen and I think she needs a pillbox hat so that she looks like a really irreverent, awkward 50′s housewife.

  204. Those aren’t fish heads. It’s what Boba Fett sent George Lucas to confirm the hit on Jar-Jar and his entire family had been carried out.

    Damn, but you shop at the coolest stores.

  205. OMG, I can’t breath, I’m laughing so hard!

  206. OMG! Where is that store? I have to visit!

  207. I think the weasel looks like a Nurse Ratchett, maybe.

    Jennifer Ostertag recently posted Don't copy me!.

  208. I’m sitting in my sons school parking lot laughing like a maniac. Thanks. Ron Weasely of course or is that too obvious?

  209. The deer looks more like Jack Elam. But…I’d settle for Bette Deervis

  210. NAME: Amazing Graze

  211. i’m going with deerlilah. then tom jones could sing to her, thanks, jenny

  212. You will probably not catch this comment but I want to tell you how badly you need (YES, NEED!) to go to the Buckhorn museum in San Antonio. Seriously. You can thank me later.

    http://www.buckhornmuseum.com/

  213. 220
    Doug Richardson

    Why wait ’til they’re closed to take up residence in the bed? I think you would be an awesome store fixture…and would probably generate a lot of floor traffic.

  214. And now I have the damn Fish Heads song stuck in my head.

    Thankyouverymuch. Not.

  215. Erma Gerd. That is too effing hilarious. Her name is Erma Gerd.

  216. The deer needs to be Petunia Derpsly. These are fantastic.

  217. My husband and I stayed at a lodge one time that had a two-headed calf on the wall (among many, many other wall hangings–and a taxidermy goose chandelier…when the air conditioner was on, the geese would turn in the wind and look at you.). Creeeeeepy. I think I had nightmares every night we were there.

    Rachel Toalson recently posted 4 etiquette rules for online commenting.

  218. It’s post like these, from you, that are making me actually look forward to (slightly) our move to TX. Now I just need to find something this fantastic by the new house.

    MyMansBelly recently posted An Easy Pan Fried Cauliflower Recipe.

  219. Ruth Badeer Ginsburg, come on down!

    Eva recently posted Obligatory Resolutions, 2014.

  220. The weasel could be part of the ever growning Weasley family? Ginny or Molly. Or if we are going Dr. Who, 11th style Clara/Oswin/Oswald. I do like the earlier suggestions of Deerlilah though. The little guy with the cup looks like Twitchy the squirrel from Hoodwinked. Definitely Twitchy.

  221. I like Gladys. I think she looks like a Gladys. As in “aren’t you glad I exist”?

    Amy

  222. 229
    Doug Richardson

    Why do all the squirrels look like they have Painful Rectal Itch?

  223. The kind of Elvis lip-snarl that the weasel has keeps cracking me up…I go back to look at it and snort all over again,
    “Thank you. Thankyouverymuch.”

    Marianne recently posted Please! Make it Stop!.

  224. 231
    crankybytch

    P.S. I think it`s a mongoose. You could call him Monty!

  225. Because she has that stoned look, how about Lindsey Doe-han?

  226. Ok one more post since no ones asked who makes these clothes for these animals and how are you not making millions on just writing stories on the adventures of the animals or as a clothes prop artist for taxidermy animals

    Tami recently posted Somethings I've been working on and finished!!!!(gasp).

  227. oops again I’d gladly crochet clothes for them

    Tami recently posted Somethings I've been working on and finished!!!!(gasp).

  228. Oh, darling, that deely deer is none other than the great Isadeera Duncan! Mother of Modern Damce and scary “Scanners”-I keel you with my thoughts looks!
    Yup. That’s it. :)

  229. Princess Anastasia Nikoladeer (or Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikoladeer)

  230. Too bad the weasel isn’t a male. Because it totally screams Wil Weaselton to me.

    Kara recently posted Winter Wonderland Tag.

  231. The look on that deer’s face is magic. I would name her Hortensia because she looks like one to me. I know I keep suggesting you watch/read things in my comments. Have you seen that show ‘Oddities’? It is on Netflix. I highly recommend it to you. It is full of old/interesting taxidermy and human body parts and sideshow performers. What’s not to love?

  232. Definitely “Dophelia” for the deer. And I think “Wilhelmina” for the weasel.

  233. Winona the weasel wears a fez but was particually pissed that she didn’t have a velevt smoking jacket to complete the look.

  234. The deer looks very, very proper with her Oh, so lovely collar; she needs a very proper name, I propose….Priscilla Elizabeth Georgina VanCervidae.

  235. Jenny, you are either fucking fabulous or extremely cruel. You made me laugh in the middle of a “please fucking shoot me now” migraine. Actually, the fact that you made me laugh while in such excruciating pain shows how fucking fabulous you are because to be able to make me laugh when I feel like this is a gift from the gods. Seriously, I needed the laugh. Thank you.

    Also, if you find crochet sweater or hat patterns for any of your animals, I volunteer my crocheting skills. I see offers and I know you know we’d do it. :-)

  236. I feel like Derpy’s name should be OH SHIT, because that’s what I yelled when I saw it (at my desk, at work, you’re welcome everyone near me).

  237. OMG YOU FOUND SCRAT!!!!!! I LOVE HIM! Please oh please give him an acorn…but just out of his reach dangling from a thread with a boulder above his head waiting to smash him! hahahahaha

  238. OMG! Fezes are cool! And Bowties are cool! But, not Stetsons. Apparently Stetsons are not cool.

  239. Sir Norman Creepenstein, Esquirrel.
    Lady Fiona Ferret
    Bette Deeris, star of “Whatever Happened to Bambi Jane?”

  240. The critter with the tea cup looks an awful lot like Scrat from ‘Ice Age.’ I want that bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  241. 248
    Ken Buchanan

    It seems our most beloved Bloggess has claimed yet another earthly shrine of contemplative repose. This is too much for this long time worshiper not to comment. I suggest ‘Isadoe Deercan’ (given her mystical dancing prowess) as a name for your deer (possibly with a simple scarf for a little added drama?) .
    I’m torn between the names ‘Weezy-May Allcaught’ and ‘Weezy Shriner’ for your weasel though. Love that red fez… hey! ‘Morocco Molly’ kinda has a nice ring to it… maybe with a stylish pair of wayfarer sunglasses? I like it. Mostly because it leaves an opening for her becoming a bookend for some future ‘Secreting Squirrel’ you know?
    (Sorry, Victor… sometimes the seeds of creative playfulness just cry out to be scattered in the wind… especially those collected in tiny coffee mugs.)

  242. Great post! Derry Deer definitely made me laugh. Thanks again!

  243. Brangelina Ballerina Deer.

    The Suzzzz recently posted Captions.

  244. Sigh. *Derpy Deer. I hate autocorrect.

  245. I love that mini Let’s Pretend This Never Happened book pendant the weasel (Whose name might be Tayra Banks, as a tarya is in the weasel family, and some even have that little pouf on the ends of their tails!) is “reading”!! I got one from Kit’s Designs on Etsy even!!

    Megan Rath recently posted Harvest Dump Cake.

  246. More awesomeness than most humans can handle! Love them all, the fez is amazing..I love stores like that. I might need to go and find one.

  247. Someone said Minerva. I like it.
    How about Minerva McDerpa? I’m pretty sure you don’t have any Scottish dead, yet.

  248. Um, I think you need to go back and buy that thing (fox? coyote?) in the middle row left of the second photo. Because if that animal is not saying “HEY GIRL HEEEEEEEYYYYYY,” nothing ever has, or will.

  249. I thought Esmerelda as soon as I saw her too, Karen D.

  250. My best friend and I are not fond of awkward pauses in conversations abruptly followed by a terrible and unrelated change in subject. So we created the perfect transition to be used in most any situation…

    “Speaking of taxidermy…”

    Speaking of taxidermy, did you see the way those Lululemon leggings showed every polka dot in Margot’s underwear?
    Speaking of taxidermy, what WAS Jacqueline Bisset mumbling in her Golden Globes acceptance speech last night?
    Speaking of taxidermy, would you remind me to call my gyno and get the appointment for my pap changed from this Thursday to next Tuesday?

    Mandi recently posted I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant (When There’s More to the Story).

  251. 258
    Lisa Victoria

    I seriously am liking the Jane Doe. The cluelessness of her aura screams Jane Doe to me. And anyone that suggested glitter is right on too. She could definitely use something sparkly, like a big sequined bow that is the color of pink on your blog. Yeah, and a pearly/rinestoney necklace.
    Oh, and I would add a gold grill, white tank top, & saggy jeans to that little shrewy one. He would be a cute thug.
    AS for the fez wearing weasel…how about Calliope Grinder-Mason?

  252. Do you have really big shrews over there?

    Pam I recently posted Wish Me Luck.

  253. They all look like they would talk with a slight lisp. Not that anything is wrong with having a lisp.

  254. How about Skregs McGhee for the one who lost his nut; Ron Weasley for the dude with fez and of course Dierdre?

  255. I kind of thought the deer looked like Rudolph’s girlfriend Clarice…….

  256. First time commenter, long time reader. I love Wheezie for the weasel. I also vote for Jane Doe for the deer, she just looks like a Jane.

    Charis recently posted Typical Saturday morning.

  257. If the weasel is wearing a fez…….it should have a bow tie and a sonic screwdriver…..
    Then it could be called The Weastor

  258. I think these are from Stevie Wonder’s private collection, he started taxidermy when he found out his music sucked. I like Gretchen. I will never look at taxidermied animals the same again

  259. 266
    Ruth Gordon-Morton

    You’re crazy and I love it.

  260. DOE DOE MITHDEERIOUS.

  261. 268
    Heather Walker

    Penelope. Her name is clearly Penelope.

  262. I propose Stanley Myron Handleweasel and David Hasselhooves

  263. So the funny thing is the one above that you is the dear flipping off- i bought one that had of the hooves/ double one and gave to friend as a gun holder. He loves it and has it hanging proudly in his home among all his dead animals he’s shot.

  264. 271
    lucky maria

    50 % off flayed fish heads ?? holy crap, the plane ticket will pay for itself.

    Texas is weird.

  265. 272
    Gina Danger

    The weasel (if you get this far down in the comments) needs to be named Sydney Ermeenstreet, after Sidney Greenstreet. The guy who wears the fez in Casablanca.

    Just Sayin’.

  266. Well, her name is Deerdra, duh. I don’t know her last name though, you’ll have to check with her husband. She looks quite fetching in that black collar. It must have been dress up day at the library where she works. Either that, or she was trying to impress the male librarian with her fashion sense. But yeah, Deerdra.

    I love how the fish heads are half off. And that someone made not just one of these things, but five. Because one wasn’t enough. One is never enough when it comes to fish head plaques.

    See what happens when we start to follow your blog so closely? We all start to think like you.

    Robin recently posted Need a Little Color?.

  267. Jealous. So terribly, terribly jealous.

  268. You need to paint the weasel’s nails and call her something Amy Pond-esque. Because fezzes are indeed cool.

  269. Aweaslia Pond!

  270. Bambina Derpyton? I also like Deerlilah and Delilah Deer :)

  271. I needed a laugh SOOOO badly, and Bloggess, you came through for me again. Thank you!

    Beverly Diehl recently posted 9 Ways to Find Your Next Favorite Book #amreading.

  272. Fez’s are cool! These are awesome! And yes, I can’t imagine that store anywhere but here in Texas.

    Julie Hart recently posted 1st post of 2014.

  273. Derpsitina.

  274. WELL, my day WAS craptacular until this very minute. These are awesome!! I think you should have taken home the dingo type thing in the case with other assorted aminimals.

    I like Deerdra, perhaps Von Hoofmanstov for the last name?

    GalInTheGreyHat recently posted I’ve been busy…sort of..

  275. It is like my brain is exploding with names…but can’t seem to find the right one. Please let us know the final choice because we need to know the names to write on the cake.

    Sarah recently posted Good Things....

  276. yep same here jen,,,having a terrible day,,,love love love the weasily guy in the dress dressed like matt smith’s sister…and all the lovely smiling joyous derpiness it made me feel…hugs! thanks for making my day a little less horrible aka there is an attacking dalek in my house..(soon to be ex)…love you

  277. Wait, wait, wait…is the deer’s tongue sticking out? That is just…rather…awesome. Creepy awesome.

    I get the sad feeling, though, this deer met someone’s windshield hence the whole startled, messed up “Shit! Humans!” look on her face.

    And the 3 fish heads on a board would make a fantastic family Christmas stocking holder….just sayin’. Little Santa hats on them…jingle bell necklaces.

  278. Pure awesome as always.

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  279. You should name her Anna Montana *shake your bootie, shake your bootie, COME ON!*
    ;)

  280. The weasel looks like a Miss Weasa May AlaCarte, to me.

    The deer is easily Ms Deerily Beloved.

    (Oxygen deprivation from laughter may have had something to do with those names)

  281. This, all of this, is absolutely fantastic! I could only hope to find a treasure one day! As far as names go … I saw her and immediately thought she looked like a “Clarice.” I suggest Clarice Wigginpoof. (We named our Christmas tree Geraldine Wigginpoof and “Clarice” looks just like a Wigginpoof relative and thus the last name; it would be an honor).

    xo!
    Beth

  282. I just got finished dealing with a student who is in a very dark, very sad, depressed state. I am not able to find anyone available to process my own feelings about it, so I logged on to FB, and lo and behold, there you are with a perfect post to help me squash my feelings of sadness until I have time to deal with them. Bravo!!! You are a sanity saver today!

  283. Gloria. For some bizarre reason I heard the song (“Gloria” from Flashdance) in my head when I looked at her. So that’s my name suggestion.

  284. 291
    Martha Mountain

    I love you. The FEZ IS AWESOME! All of it is awesome. And I totally want the sleigh bed, and the critter behind the preemie sasquatch…The coked up deer is terrifying but in a good way. MWAH!

  285. Her name should be Honey Derpenstein!

  286. Holy Shit! I can’t stop laughing. I am amused and scared all at the same time. You are seriously f*cked up in a ‘I want to be your sane neighbor’ kind of way. I can’t even imagine what your neighbors think when they visit, but I want to be them, just so we look like ‘normal’ people. I thought that singing fish from the old McDonald’s commercial was weird and then that singing bass that everyone had, but those caroling fish heads are…..a new trend? I can totally see that on Pinterest. As far as the ‘deer in the headlights’, maybe name it “Kim Goodman” (Google it) that’s what it reminds me of, those friggin eyes!!!

    YourMotherIsADirtyGirl recently posted “We don’t put crayons in our vagina”……and other things I’ve said to my kids..

  287. Can you please adopt me so I can go to these places with you? I promise I’m potty trained and I have all my shots and I’m not an axe murderer. Pleeeaase?

    Also your deer looks like a Tinkerbelle to me.

  288. You can’t name the deer “Baby” because you put her in a corner, and nobody puts Baby in a corner.

    Terri recently posted A Revolution in Resolutions.

  289. Oh god!! I’m smothering myself with a pillow so I don’t wake my roomates up with my laughing. This totally makes me want to get some taxidermied animals! Although I’m woried it might cause my roomates to kick me out. They think I’m wierd enough already…

    And that weasel looks like something from an old Poirot movie. One where they are in the desert and everyone are classy as hell because they are british aristocrats and no matter how warm it is they are going to have their afternoon tea served hot.

  290. For the dear deer head,
    Daisy Derp or
    Lemonhead.

  291. Dukchess……like duck+dutchess……!? Lol

  292. 299
    Minnesota Red

    I have to agree with number 1; as soon as you said she is the derpiest she became “Dear Derpy Deer “in my head. I believe she could write an amazing advice column.

  293. Love, love, love the Fez. Made my day, thank you.

  294. Bette Derpis.
    You could sing “She has Bette Derpis Eyes” in ermahgerd, although I suppose that would make it Bertte Derpis. Has a certain cachet, IMHO.

  295. Oh, she’s definitely, without a shadow of a doubt — Edna.

    simone recently posted Of course Ava Rhodes is no Katniss Everdeen.

  296. And now this is running through my head…

    Dancy the red-eyed reindeer
    Had a very eerie gaze
    And if you ever saw it
    You would want to run away.

    All of the other reindeer
    Used to laugh and call her names
    Now they are fresh chopped venison
    Served with all her reindeer games.

  297. It also occurs to me, with the addition of very large glasses, Bertte Derpis could pass as Professor Trelawney. A nice addition to the Potter group.

  298. You might want to name him HIM Victor Jr, cuz I’m pretty sure it’s button buck not a doe. Or maybe HER scent glands are just happy to see you. Or perhaps she fell off the wall and those two bumps are concussion related. Regardless…Awesomeness abounds!

  299. your wonderful young deer looks like a “dear heart” if i ever did see one

  300. Sparkle Cleveland

    Liz Czukas recently posted Book List 2013.

  301. THANK YOU!!!!!

  302. 309
    Karen Zilke

    Deer Prudence the sun is up the sky is blue it’s beautiful and so are you

  303. I just came home from work totally exhausted and a little glum and this post is exactly what I needed. I totally heart you Jenny! Thank you for the laugh :)

    Kat recently posted Weeknight Yumminess!.

  304. First off, the ferret is marvelous! The fez is AWESOME! As for the deer…when I looked at her, I thought “Cholula the derpy deer”. FYI, Cholula is also a brand name of hot sauce…

  305. I can’t stop laughing. Seriously. I may need medical attention.

  306. Victor really really really loves you……

  307. Name suggestion for your third friend: Doe-ra the Explora

  308. Dancer or Dancing Delilah! Loved this!

  309. Your little rodent with the mug looks like Scrat from the Ice Age movies!

  310. This is hilarious. I’m sorry- I don’t see why you didn’t bring home one of those foxes. Because it’s name would have (obviously ) been Foxy Brown. Other than that- the fez on the ferret is awesome.

  311. Perhaps I missed it among the earlier comments, but I think Dear Deerdre would be appropriate for Ms. Derpy.

  312. Can’t believe Clarice has already been suggested! You could pay homage to both Rudolph and Hannibal Lecter. Of course, I also love Deerdra!

  313. You mentioned: Cocaine and Dancing
    I see : Those large googly eyes.
    I can’t stop envisioning Liza Minnelli during the days of Studio 54.
    Find that gal a cabaret top hat. STAT.

  314. Omg–I’m going to have to invest in some Depends if I keep reading your posts on a regular basis!! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the weasel! I’m not that creative when I can’t sleep!!

  315. My vote for a name is Oh Deer God

  316. Rolling! Love the hilarious way you bring the scene further to life, and I’m from Texas and that store full-on looks like Heaven!… or maybe Hell. Yeah, don’t want to go to Heaven, none of my friends would be there. Thanks for such a rockin’ and evocative and funny Hell to resonate with … with fezzes.

    Jordan Hoggard recently posted Fine Art Watercolor Mandalas ~ “Constructing the Center” Night Series.

  317. I say name the deer “Mason,” because the first thought I had when I saw that deer was that it was the taxidermy equivalent of the Reaper from the show “Dead Like Me” who was stoned all the time.

    Also because the name can be unisex.

  318. I had such a rough day today and this… this made my night. Fez wearing weasel is my favorite, and if you don’t take that guy up on his offer to take over the store at night, I’ll forever be disappointed.

    Danielle recently posted Mama was a Rolling... Oat. A Collection of Oatmeal Mixes.

  319. Poor poor Victor…lol..but whatever you spent there, WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT!

  320. i think Ruby would be a nice name or Mary.

  321. Well, if I ever part with the taxidermied animal in my basement, I will photograph it and offer it to you first. He even have suitable creepy, follow you everywhere eyes.

    Stephanie recently posted December Reading Log.

  322. ONLY IN TEXAS, HUH? WHAT A PITY! WE ONLY HAVE THE BORING OLD NRA HERE IN VIRGINIA…

    leanne tankel recently posted MONDAY MANTRA (WHAT WOULD LAUREN DO?).

  323. Deer name: Gloooooor ree uh. G-L-O-R-I-A!

  324. You were in my neighborhood! My daughter used to work as a visual display artist at Homestead for Carol Hicks Bolton and took over her furniture line design several years ago. All of the things you enjoy here have been like mother’s milk to us. Glad you had a good time in FBG and hope you got to have lunch at Woerner’s Warehouse next door. Y’all come back!

    TexasTrailerParkTrash recently posted Watch Out Village People—Here Comes Peacock Spider.

  325. My brain says Deidre too. Awesome finds, you must be the best person to shop with, you always find these great bargains! :D

  326. 333
    StreamStroller

    The Socially Awkward Squirrel is spectacular but I feel he should be holding a clipboard and wearing a short sleeved dress shirt with a tiny pocket protector. And he wears glasses. With tape in the middle.

    Dolly the Doe is that manic diet-pill eating Junior League’r who’s maniacally happy all the time but cries when she’s drunk. Which is a lot.

  327. I just love that you made a Doctor Who reference.

  328. I think…there are no words. What the HECK is that last thing? A practice run for a taxidermist? oh my gosh.

    I’m sick this week, so I’m not very intuitive, but I’m sure the weasel’s name is Mimi. I don’t know why; I just *feel* it.

    Stef recently posted Blogging with the Flu--Today I'm the Wrong Person to be the Family Historian.

  329. Thank you so much for making me laugh.

  330. You know what that weasel needs is a little Shriners car. Since it already has the fez.

  331. I shall dub her Rudolpha! She is spectacularly wrong!

  332. oh lordy, lordy, that was funny. it kept getting funnier the more i re-read it. my stomach hurts and i peed myself i’m laughing so hard. thank you for being you.

    auntie beak recently posted Oswegatchie Hills.

  333. It looks like a deer with cow eyes, like Elsie was violated by a drunk buck and she is the product/miracle of this horrible crime..How about Weasel Von Trapp for that sophisticated weasel? I’m sure she has a lovely singing voice.

  334. For the Derpy Deer, how about Jane Doe?

    Kit recently posted Mini-Book Pendant - Around the World in 80 Days - Jules Verne by Kits.

  335. I’m also going to vote for Darlene.
    She looks like a Darlene and also Darlene seems like the name of friend you’d have that always get you into trouble. You know the kind of friend who you go dancing with, somehow this leads to tequila shots, and then you wake up in a Mexican prison. The worst part is those girls never get hangovers!

    Meghan recently posted Step Two: Minimum Makeup.

  336. O…..m…..g…..cannot breathe bc I’m laughing so fucking hard…AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAA!!!! Best once since Beyonce… :D

  337. Gloria for her gloriousness.
    Lafawnda…she and Beyonce would totally be out clubbing late night.
    Fawna Noble. I don’t know why, but one of those faces reminds me of Donna, and made me laugh harder than I should have.

  338. Have you ever read Dirty Job by Christopher Moore? I think you’d love it! Taxidermy animals play a major role in the storyline.

  339. omg some of these names…. so good. so far i really like deerlilah. although darlene is good, too. she seems to need a ‘d’ name. deerlilah.

    also, this really did make my night. that little weasel ermine thing is adorable as well. how’s jean-louis doing? i think he’s still my favorite.

    steh gas recently posted delicious pretzel time recipe!.

  340. 348
    Teresa Graves

    OMG! Too funny! So looking forward to the names you choose!

  341. Obviously the weasel is Molly Weasley, on holiday, in Egypt.

  342. That bed looks like the bed the grandparents shared in Willy Wonka.

  343. 351
    Samantha layman

    Dahlia the derpy deer?

  344. She looks like a Zelma or a Thelma. Thelma Frankenstein (the Young Frankenstein pronunciation).

  345. I haven’t laughed like this in awhile. I needed this today. Thanks so much.

  346. Wallis Simpson! Because she hangs on the wall? Eh?

    Though LaFawnda is really freaking good.

  347. 355
    Curiouser & Curiouser

    Cracky McDeerson, of course!

  348. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! you maade my day. I vote for Deer Delila.

  349. I would have found this much more interesting if it weren’t for the profanity… And no I’m not a Christian. I’m an atheist. What makes your lack of good English makes you sound cool?

    (Thank you for your comment, but I would have found it much more interesting if it contained profanity. Please try harder to meet my expectations next time. ~ Jenny)

  350. How about “Dasher the Deranged”?

  351. I think the deer should be named Bambino, as in “Bambi?” “No”

  352. I would namethe weasel Fez Dispenser.

  353. You seriously need a picture of the whole taxidermy crew. This post was hysterical! Love the new additions. I vote for Derpy!

  354. She looks like a Merlene to me. With her sisters Urlene and Lurlene she performed in nightclubs and casinos. Like the four legged version of the Andrews Sisters. Merlene got a little too used to the spotlight and had a breakdown when the act was no longer booked at the Sands in Vegas. Only some Pepsi and Vodka in a soup tureen can get her through the day.

  355. 363
    MyDogFartsWhenSheBarks!

    The first name that came to me was Matilda. I have no idea why.

  356. Oh thank you for this post. It was the perfect thing to read before I headed out to go to work.

    Also, I really want you to get a stuffed otter for some reason.

    Also also: the name Francesca for the cokehead? Not sure why that name popped into my head…

  357. I showed Derpy’s picture to my husband. He said Derpy is a boy. How about Derpy Derwood?

  358. The Fez! It is Dr. Whoozel.

  359. AKA Matilda Smith!

  360. This was probably the funniest fucking thing I’ve read…ever.

  361. Latrina.
    The reasons are threefold:
    Because the lovely collar is toilet-seat shaped.
    Because this deer looks like it is having flatulence.
    And because it made me laugh hard enough to need one.

  362. Oh dear goodness! I just picture that lion saying “Never mind, you’re too heavy! Get off! Get off! GET OFF!”

    You never fail to make me laugh…or cry. In a good way, though :)

  363. Clarice. It has to be Clarice, which could be a creepy-cute nod to both Rudolph’s girlfriend in the claymation classic and Jodie Foster’s character by the same name in “Silence of the Lambs”. (Not that she was creepy but who can think of her and not think of Hannibal Lecter and his fava beans? I bet derpy Clarice would appreciate a fine chianti. She’s probably parched.)

  364. have you ever been to the red river valley museum in Vernon, texas? they have a ginormous collection of big game that bill bond hunted and it is positively creepy. I think of it every time you post something with taxidermy animals. mainly: why are yours kinda cute and their fucking nightmarish creepy?

    (I had tons of relatives in Vernon in the 90′s. I’m freaking out that someone even knows it exists. ~ Jenny)

    monica recently posted Here's to TV giving me something to blog about when I'm not watching TV..

  365. You are so weird!!
    Makes you my 2nd favorite non-blonde on the whole planet!!

  366. Hyacinth. I have no idea why, but I swear her name is Hyacinth. And if anyone named Cynthia walked in, she’d be all, “HYA-CINTH!”

    Wow.

    Perhaps that cocaine has floated this way. Gawd, I needed that laugh today.

    Sarah B. recently posted And We're Back to That Already.

  367. I cannot believe that Clarice has been mentioned by multiple people and for the same reasons! After my last comment, I scrolled backwards through the ones before me to see the other name suggestions. Cracking me up.

    Misha recently posted meanwhile, back in the kitchen.

  368. Fezzes are cool!

  369. Oooo! InDEERa Ghandi!

    Eva recently posted Obligatory Resolutions, 2014.

  370. Name: Deer Abby

  371. Deer-ton Abby

  372. So am I the only one who thinks that like Weasel looks like she is humping that log? My suggestion for a name is Ivana Humpalog.

    Laura recently posted Lucky.

  373. You’ve got a Beyonce, why not Brittney Deers?

  374. 382
    Jennifer Becker

    I think the one wearing the fez might be a stoata member of the weasel family.

  375. The wonky-eyed doe is someone’s Aunt Ethel. That’s all I know.

  376. Can we name her Ermahgerd?

  377. The deer obviously has to be called Matilda. Totally.

    Corina recently posted Sausage making - meat rich into the New Year.

  378. She’s a dancer? I vote for Josephine Baker or Isadora Duncan. Isadeera Duncan??? Heh? Heh? You like?

  379. 387
    Catherine Hawkins

    You need to get the MyTalkingPet app ASAP… You can make anything talk using it.. It is hours of self amusement and what’s better than that

  380. AK! Love! The squirrel with the pinecone is my favorite. That’s some grimace.

  381. The obvious next step here is to gather them all together and take a photo with the family (the human, living family) and send out a late Christmas card, which by now is really an early valentines card, which is even better because it’s sent with love.

  382. Deer Prudence. That’s my vote. Deer Prudence.

  383. That deer is the goddamn greatest thing I’ve ever seen and I literally just laughed out loud looking at that picture. Then I scrolled down, saw the second picture, and almost peed in my tiny mug I was laughing so hard.

    Dean recently posted Advice you didn't ask for.

  384. Clarice Witherspoon.

  385. 393
    Shirley Hand

    Derp-ak Chopra. I think that is a very chill deer.

  386. I have to agree with some other comments, that critter looks just EXACTLY like Scrat from the Ice Age movies. He does need an acorn.

    La Grande Derp?
    Grand Duchess Derphelia?

    (I also like “Deer Prudence.”)

    The Weasel with the Fez! Fezzes all around! Because, YES, fezzes are cool.

    Kats recently posted 100 Blog Posts - #32 -- 2013 Nano Excerpt.

  387. The deer’s name is Fiona. She told me once.

  388. I don’t know why- but Jemima Whipplestein came in to my head for your dear deer!

    Erin recently posted 2014- It's got to be better!.

  389. You HAVE to go to Belgium! Every time I went into an antique store you couldn’t throw a dead cat without hitting a taxidermied animal. The best ones were a pair of red foxes standing up on their back legs with one holding a tea tray and the other holding a stick with a bandana bundle tied to the end.
    Chris =]

  390. Ethyl. her name is Ethyl. It’s really Methyl, but she now omits the M, due to some trouble she ran into over in Bone Lick, mid-Ohio.

  391. 399
    kathi wright

    i couldn’t imagine anything more awesome than the first picture – the gramaphone lamp (?) , the whole tableaux…and then, the rest of the stuffies…. love them all.

  392. 400
    kathi wright

    p.s. i love the suggested name of ‘deer prudence.’

  393. What did I just read!?!? Lol. I should read a book, or not!

    Caleb Woodard recently posted I Was Here.

  394. I absolutely needed this I *was* having the worst day but this made my day worth while!

  395. I rescind my previous suggestion of Jemima Whipplestein- upon further consideration- she is clearly Nancy W. Kappes, paralegal of the taxidermy world!

    Erin recently posted 2014- It's got to be better!.

  396. That weasel is so VERY continental and is most likely French, although she has traveled extensively to Morocco on her many holidays. Her name is something hopelessly chic and urbane. Perhaps Alessandra.

    As for the deer, she’s clearly a Tawny Doe. For obvious reasons.

    PinotNinja recently posted Even Lindsay Lohan Is Better Than Me (Otherwise Known As Adventures in Organ Removal).

  397. D’oh! (the deer — the female deer)

    And the fez was definitely the right choice. That weasel is as wasted as a Shriner at the end of a 3-day weekend.

  398. Wilhemina. Definitely Wilhemina.

  399. 407
    Adrian Merriott

    For some reason, she reminds me of a model taking pictures… a cover girl… “Hey, Moobeline!”

  400. Betty Whitetail Deer.

    Nuff said.

  401. OMG I so needed this today. So horribly, horribly wonderful.

    BigSis recently posted Current Project - the Baby-to-Toddler Cardi.

  402. 410
    Diana Gallagher

    OMG… I don’t think I could sleep with the deer in the house… even laying in bed with the door shut, I would know that she was in there… waiting and…. watching….

  403. That collar and her smile remind me of Mary Poppins for some reason. So I’d say Julie Andeers. Or Mary Derpins.

    But then, she has that sly little smile like the Mona Lisa by da Vinci. So possibly Mona Lisa da Venison?

  404. Deerlilah. That has to be it!

  405. Deer Delilah gets my vote! That was a great end to a long ass day!

  406. Julie Derpy? Derpy Coleman?

    Tracy Kaply recently posted And then I fell over.

  407. Anyone else think those fish heads look like angry vaginas?

    No?! Just me then?

    Lisa Newlin recently posted Why Aaron Paul would be the perfect boyfriend.

  408. I love you. Monday officially made.

  409. Also, please make postcards of that lovely unnamed deer, I’d like to send them to everyone I know.

  410. You’re right, fezzes ARE cool

  411. Fantastic..weirdly endearing.That first one with the cup seriously needs to see a dentist tho!

    Here in nz we just seem to go for creepy…. http://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/5174457/Lancasters-critters-Dead-animals-turned-to-art

  412. Damon, I got a cramp in my finger from having to scroll for miles to reach the bottom and make a comment! This post made me laugh so hard I went into a massive coughing fit and about passed out from lack of oxygen. I guess I’m just too old and frail to read your blogs. ;)

  413. Damon? Who the he’ll is Damon? Damn autocorrect!!

  414. lmaooo omg you had me at taxidermy..i just discovered you right now and this is the bestest find since i discovered dlisted.com. effin’ awesome!

  415. I vote IsaDOEra Duncan, deer dancer extrordinare.

  416. 424
    little monkey

    Scrat giving a semen sample, a weasel in a fez… I have to say that again. A weasel in a fez, and Deerliliah.. What have I done to deserve this? How wonderful.

    oh, btw, i second naming the deer Deerlilah.

    Although she does have that I can kill you with my brain look… maybe River Deer?

  417. NO, NO! Tthe Empress has no clothes! These are not wonderful things she discovers, they are sick, do you hear me, sick! Dead animals need to be buried, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Would you stuff your dead granny and dress her up in motorcycle boots? Wait, you probably would. Victor, I am so, so sorry!

  418. That weasel needs more than just that one book if she has such fabulous taste in literature. Many tiny books should be made. I would love a picture of her with a tiny Book of Mormon, because I think that would be hilarious.

  419. For the shrew, all I can think about is Tuna that chiweenie (http://instagram.com/tunameltsmyheart#). The internet has nicknamed him Phteven.

    Is Phteeven a good shrew name?

  420. I love the suggestion for the Tom Jones singing. Now I can’t get it out of my head. “My my MYYYYYYY Deerlilah dadadadadadada Why why WHYYYYYY Deerlilah!”

  421. Next time you go shopping for old stuff…..PLEASE take me with you! I just want to be in your world.

  422. Deer names: Melody Pawned. Rebecca Wisensnatch. Esther Haagendase. Profanity Jane.

  423. Margaret Doe :-)

  424. Deer Prudence fer sher.

  425. Cokie Roberts.

  426. 434
    BooksInGarden

    I go with Michelle Buckman, it is a transgender deer, her/his close friends call her/him Derpy – because.

  427. Your coke-head’s name (get it? Because she’s just a head?) is Gloria. She’s from Jersey and yes, she loves cocaine and dancing. Unfortunately this is how she ended up on the wall. Snorting cocaine off a beavers ass and then dancing on a Jersey freeway results in death.

    They really should put warning labels on coke vials.

    Lindsay Martin recently posted Knit Scarf Button Burgundy Purple Light Blue Mauve by knittylittlesecret.

  428. Deerpy? Has that been said? Too lazy to read 433 comments.

  429. Also Roonil Wazlib should be on the table.

  430. Lady Idris, but you can call her Sexy. She looks bite-y and little mad, but you wouldn’t be the same without her.

  431. 439
    Julanne Lorimor

    God I would so love to come to your house!
    Lets call her Doris

  432. How about Deer Me

  433. My gut instinct is to call that deer Sansa Stark (at least from the first book). “I’M THE PRETTIEST PRINCESS, DERRRRRRRP.”

  434. Hahahahahahahaha!!….gasp,gasp…..frickin funny!

    She looks like a Bernadette

  435. Oh geez! I got another one!
    She’s Doe a Deer a Female Deer…….

    You crack me up!

  436. Deer Gawd!! I have so many questions! Why are you calling it (him) a she when it has antler buds? Why does it look like goat eyes when it is a deer? Was this the work of an amateur taxidermist? Why am I so drawn to it?
    If you insist on it being female- How about Doe-rothea Dix (who lobbied for the insane and created the first American mental asylums)?
    For the tree shrew: I suggest Christopher Sly (who was a drunken peddler in The Taming of the Shrew).
    And for the obligatory Harry Potter nod: Ermine-y Granger for the weasel.

  437. 445
    Outdooridahoan

    Lois. Her name is Lois.

  438. Theodeer Roosevelt. All he needs is a monocle. And possibly a safari hat.

  439. Would a sculpture made of coyote penis-bones be your kind of thing?

  440. now we all know where Sam Raimi got all of his ideas for The Evil Dead!

  441. This was just pure awesome. I, too, am wondering why yours are so cute. Maybe because you give them such funny personalities? Anyway, I think the last one should be named Coco, for her cocaine addiction. :-)

    Deanna recently posted The Time When I Was Pregnant With A Little Girl.

  442. Clearly, such a vintage beauty should be named after Doris Day.

    Doeris Day. Born Doeris Mary Ann von Kappelhoff.

    She once starred in Calamity Jane Doe.

    Can’t you just hear her singing Que sera sera?

  443. Mrs Roberta Derpalina. I don’t know why either. Bobbi for short.

  444. Help this girl
    guys, I don’t know what to say. I read these to make me feel I’m not alone and I saw this comment:

    Kristin says:
    January 10, 2014 at 8:50 am
    I have no plans, no hopes, no dreams, no goals.

    All of those things are just things to be ripped from you and get destroyed while leaving your crushed and broken soul in their wake.

    I deserve all the bad things that have happened in my life. And the only reason good things happen is so they can be taken from me, leaving me more broken than I was before having the good thing.

    When people ask me what I expect my son to be when he’s grown, I have to stop myself from saying “Alive.” Because that’s all I dare to hope for my son. He’s only two.

    http://www.depressioncomix.com/posts/061/

  445. Continuing with the Harry Potter theme: Mad-eyed Moodeer.

  446. To me, the deer is obvious – Lindsay Doehan! The weasel is a stumper; I keep wanting to name her something related to Casablanca or The Mummy…

  447. I agree with above poster – it HAS to be named Jane Fawnda. If you don’t, then that is surely the crime you will be arrested for.

    Lindsey McLeod recently posted The Angle Of The Hippotamuse.

  448. 456
    Jessica Sahbaee

    Wanda for the derpy deer. It just fits. Your cats must wonder how they lead such interesting lives.

  449. Oh, how I love you. Let me count the ways.

  450. OH. MY. GOD. The newest addition to your freaky family has to be Weasel Jefferson. HA!

  451. Or perhaps Weisel Van Trapp.

  452. Goldie Fawn?

  453. She looks like a Penelope to me. Perhaps it’s that fancy-ass collar she’s wearing. I’d ask where can I get one of those but it would either sit on my dresser looking fancy or sit around my neck, accentuating my double chin.

    Yes. I definitely like Penelope. How about Penelope Lackingbottom? :-P It sounds delightfully British.

  454. The fishheads are just crying out for some kind of
    “Big Mouth Billy the Singing Bass” treatment.

  455. After you left they totally renamed the town Jenny, right? Because hello, that is YOUR place lady! ;)

    thedoseofreality recently posted Hey Girl, You Really Are A MILF!.

  456. If you watch Justified on FX, Raylan’s hotel room has a deer hoof coat rack on the wall. Occasionally one hoof points downwards, which probably means something but I don’t know what.

  457. Oh Judy, Judy, Judy. Showed up for the wrong party and didn’t even realize it. It’s like when you are sure you have the right ballroom for the Goldstien Bar Mitzvah and instead walk into the Golden Anniversary of the Stein’s and you wonder why everyone keeps asking you how you know the old couple and you keep asking “old couple of what?”

    What really cracks me up is that you have to scroll past all of the hilarious and positive comments to make a post. It’s not like it isn’t obvious we are all Team Jenny here. Keep cussing, Jenny! You are fucking awesome!

  458. i third the vote for deer delilah, and she does look she got into the cocaine….. scamper!

    jennifer recently posted Really, what are they thinking?.

  459. I saw someone said “Dear Delilah” up above, and I foresaw the most amazingly crazy funny “Dear Abby” style shorts coming…

    That needs to happen.

  460. Lindsey Doehan??

  461. You have made my morning and quite possibly my whole week better, i can’t stop laughing. I would name her Clementine, but I feel sure whatever name you come up with will be perfect. Thank you for so much happiness.

  462. This made my morning! Thank you… that fez

    Athena D’oh

    She looks like a goddess of all things.

    Although, just saying “Good day, Derpy.” everyday is guaranteed to start your day off with a smile.

  463. :) I love that fez hat.

  464. I do like the name Derpy. Dearest Derpy as in … “Meet my Dearest Derpy. She’s very deer to me.”

  465. She looks like a Mavis to me. Mavis the Magnificent!

  466. Deer: Delilah the (delightful/darling) doe. Or just Delilah
    Weasel: reminds me of a classy pirate.
    Other squirrel creature: Professor McRabies
    I really like professor McRabies

  467. seriously. taxidermy usually creeps me out. but for some odd reason i want to visit your home. hilarious. i actually snorted laughing.

  468. Can I go live with you?

  469. This page is going in to my ‘Having A Bad Day – Read This” folder. Trying to sneek a quick look at my daily stops on the internet. . . In the office, elly laughs are hard to cover up as a cough. My favorite post ever.

  470. That deer/antilope? whatever it is really makes me think of the Mad Hatter.

  471. Name: Deerleene. Or Deer Abby.

  472. 482
    Heather Greywolf

    OMG, whoever it was that suggested that the derpy deer’s name be “Erma Gerd” had me laughing OUT LOUD in my office. That is a PERFECT name, and I’m mad I didn’t think of it myself!!!

  473. Pia Fez-dora? (Pia Zadora) for the weasel?

  474. I think that the shrew should be Christopher Sly – that poor drunk who Shakespeare forgot from the beginning of Taming of the Shrew (see, it works on LEVELS).

    the weasel is clearly Mrs Boyle from Agatha Christie’s “The Mousetrap”.

    and the deer… it’s just Moon Moon.

  475. Katie (#433): Cokie Roberts is effin’ brilliant. Bravo.

  476. Oh what I’d pay for some 50%-off fish heads!

    The Grammar Belle recently posted WSWH: I blame Pinterest..

  477. I think the new addition should be named Ms. Dozy Doats. Ya know, like “cowzy doats and dozy doats, but little lambs eat ivy”?

    Shelley J recently posted Retroactive New Year's Resolutions.

  478. Peg! The deer needs to be named Peg! I’m not sure why.

  479. It’s a good thing that your Hunter is a cat. My Hunter is a dog. He would eat these things whole and poop out their outfits later.

    Millie Noe recently posted Butt Sisters Coffee hut.

  480. Your deerhead is actually a male I believe – I see antler buds in between the ears. And I do believe those eyes belong in a goat. So, Shemale Goatabee?

  481. Ms. Marbles for the deer. Does anyone remember the Seinfeld episode with Mr. Marbles? I imagine staying in your house would be a much scarier version of that :)

    Mariah-Food, Booze, & Baggage recently posted Focus~My 2014 Word.

  482. 492
    Monique in TX

    Your squirrely thing looks like a tree shrew. Odd critters, actually more closely related to primates than squirrels.

    And may I suggest Cinderpella for the deer?

  483. That first one’s name needs to be Phteven.

  484. I STILL think you should name it after the lovely person who died RIP Mrs. What’s her name, you wrote a whole article about her. She was a fan for years, you would write to one another… Then I forgot her name and now I’m fucked.

    Laurie F. recently posted Haiku Heights, Grimace.

  485. I would have loved to see the look on Victor’s face when you guys found this place.

    Jenny Williams recently posted A Case of the Grumpies.

  486. Can you get a part time job so that you can get an employee discount? There are many things for sale that need to come home with you.

    Wait – was the store run by one of your stalkers? If so, total trap.

    Jill recently posted Expanding the Dictatorship.

  487. THE FEZ!!! Now you need to find him a teeny-tiny sonic screwdriver. Oh my god, this might be my new favourite blog post by you. I could not stop laughing.

    Nikki Stafford recently posted Tonight... on HBO.

  488. Derpdeer is my new adjective.
    “OMG I was so wasted, I had a total derpdeer face going on.”

    Lynn recently posted The OC: “O” is for Ohmygaaawdwemustbeperfect.

  489. Mommy Deerest! :)

  490. They are lovely creatures all, though of indeterminate species. Have you thought about getting an orthodontist to look at a few of them? I cannot help thinking that, even in their, um, after-stuff-life, they would eat better if they had braces.

  491. 501
    Gena McGregor

    I can’t stop giggling and love your “derpy” comment so, I suggest her name be Julie Derpy (like Julie Delpy). Was that a S T R E T C H? I tried. Love you!

  492. If you do the deerhead “Let’s go dancing” as a poster, I will buy a bunch.

  493. yes, I confess I love really old junk stores too. I’ve had more than one awesome dream involving “the junk store of my dreams.” Wait, not junk….treasures!
    anyway, the last perfect find of yours is indeed awesome. The first thing that struck me is that her essence is JUST LIKE Neil Gaiman’s character Delirium (who used to be Delight) from the Sandman series. So yeah…Delirium

    claire recently posted Le Roi est mort.

  494. I just throught you’d appreciate this facebook group. There are some amazing finds on there.
    https://www.facebook.com/groups/64935893943/?fref=ts

  495. I still can’t believe you didn’t buy the fish carolers. At 50% off, they’re a steal.

  496. I can’t believe a bunch of pictures of dead animals just made me laugh my ass off.

    STOP TURNING MY WORLD UPSIDE DOWN, JENNY LAWSON.

    Kristen Mae at Abandoning Pretense recently posted The Evolution of Noise (or, Growing the Hell Up).

  497. I’m dying here. And the fact that you even HAVE a fez to fit on a weasel is so..fitting.

  498. I don’t know what DNS is any more than that little mouse on your book cover does.

    Where are you?

  499. Home sick from work and this totally cheered me up. “Not real” posts are sometimes the best. :)

    Margaux recently posted Year of the Snake.

  500. Dierdre. Deirdre? Deerdre.

  501. Ok, all of these are pretty awesome…except for the fish head, those are just gross!

    Tanya recently posted Keys to Attracting Top Talent.

  502. OMG – I love your comments under the deer pictures! And because you mentioned cocaine usage and I’ve seen pictures of this celebrity with the same look on her face when out on the town – I think you should name her Lindsay Longhorn!

  503. Your weasel looks like the female twin to my stuffed stoat, his name is Gordly Malcom.

  504. Name her Clarice – Rudolph’s girlfriend and Lecter’s muse. It’s a win/win!

  505. 515
    CryptoKnight

    I had never considered purchasing taxidermy. Until Now. OMG epic!! I think Derpy is a great name for the deer, should you not be delighted with Sylvester.

  506. Hi, in Maine we call our dear “dee-ah” so thats my contender for your soul searching dear-”Dee-ah”

  507. OMG Love these pics!!!

    Candy @ Candypolooza recently posted Foam Rolling The Knots Out.

  508. 518
    Catrina_woman (@sccvespa)

    I collect skulls and skull images and day of the dead stuff. I never really think about what it must look like until someone new visits the house. Like my husband’s route inspector:

    Inspector: (Looking around uncomfortably) Wow someone is into skulls
    Husband: Yeah, my wife. She collects them.

    My husband passed his route inspection. We think it was because the inspector was afraid of being hexed.

    My point is, your house sounds like somewhere my family would feel at home. :D

  509. There just are no words.
    Okay, maybe these ones: I am so jealous of Texas secondhand stores that I am tempted to drive from SC to find this place. And also – the fact that you have all these accessories handy…the cup, the fez, the collar!!!

    Julie recently posted Ninja Hot Chocolate.

  510. Name him “Biebs”.

    SteveM recently posted Let’s kill an endangered animal today.

  511. I think the wacky doe should be named Marnabelle. She is just that cool she can pull off a name like that.

  512. Hah, that derpy deer has the “Are you a wizard?” look on her face!

  513. My vote for the deer is Lucy Finklestein. There’s no reason or meaning behind it, but it’s the name I immediately thought of when I saw her. Also Dolly the Derping Deer has a nice ring to it.

  514. Have you ever been to Dublin (as in Ireland)? Because you should. They have the BEST museum of taxidermy… ah-hem, NATURAL HISTORY, ever. You KNOW it’s going to be good when their description says “Our exhibitions have changed very little in over a century.” http://www.museum.ie/en/exhibition/mammals-of-the-world.aspx

  515. I don’t think you could go wrong with any of the names suggested. :)

  516. Ginny “Weaselly” popped into my mind as soon as I saw your well dressed specimen since you already have others named from the HP universe. Continue the trend.

  517. I didn’t read all the comments, but my all knowing hubby says that little thing is a tree shrew. My apologies if someone has already informed you. Loved the piece by the way.

  518. Obviously that derpy gal is none other than Deerlores Umbridge…

  519. Alice Deer Crowley for the deer. When I think of the tripping balls
    Look in that deer’s eye it reminds me of all the wonderful things the Victorian era brought us. Laudanum, vibrators, corsets, occult stuff, stoopid hats.

  520. Deerbie Gibson. And thank you for the laughter.

  521. Goldie Fawn

  522. Francine

  523. I believe that deer is the elusive Jane Doe.

    Also, thank you for being awesome.

  524. 534
    @shthisisme

    I am laughing so hard I can think straight enough for a clever name to suggest! I’m just hoping that down the line you make an album of these taxidermy photos complete with your captions. And

  525. There is a guy who’s computer I’ve fixed a few times who does taxidermy as a hobby, his front room is full of dead animals and they always remind me of you lol

  526. Has anyone else suggested Fawn Leibowitz yet?

  527. THank you for making me laugh out loud every single time I check out your blog! It never fails to cheer me up! My vote is for either Jane Doe or Deerlilah!

  528. I just laughed til I cried and I have no idea why. Clearly your derpy deer is magic.

  529. 539
    davidbreslin101

    The white weasel-ey critter looks like a stoat “in ermine”- apparently, kings used to wear special white clothes made from stoats killed in the dead of winter. Kings are creepy.
    I reckon she’s called something like “Princess Ermintrude of Wiesel”.

  530. 540
    tiddleywinks

    love the fez as in ‘Put a fez on it’

  531. This was my thought process when first laying eyes on your deer:

    “I can’t not look in her eyes”
    “Oh my DAYS! Look at her smile!”
    “That is the gift that just keeps on giving”

    Scrolls down and reads your caption, repeating my last thought word for word

    “GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!”

  532. I’ve slept on it, and I’ve decided the deer’s name should be “Sinead O’HowYouDurn”.

    Jennifer Ostertag recently posted Last Thursday Morning (two months ago).

  533. Thank you for making me laugh until I cry. Again.
    You are the best. I like Derpy.

  534. The weasal looks like a Gertrude or a Philomena

  535. that looks like a real-life version of a disney character gone just over the edge, and if you say one word, she’s taking you with her. or me, two years ago. whichever.

  536. Mrs. Doe Jangles

  537. How could you resist the three squirrels on a stick?!

  538. Will you make a fridge magnet that says “I’m dancing right now and it’s glorious?” Or a mug? I don’t really wear t-shirts and since I live in the kitchen and need coffee to face my life, I would love to see a magnet or a mug that said that. Please and thank you.

  539. Would you make a mug or a fridge magnet that says “I’m dancing right now and it’s glorious?” I don’t really wear t-shirts but I live in the kitchen and I need coffee to face my life and I’d love a magnet or a mug. Please and thank you!

  540. Francis. That is Francis Farmer – after the frontal lobotamy.

  541. D’Laura Ingalls Highaldeer

  542. Norma Desmond, obviously.

    awesomesauciness recently posted Wizzen Dispensed Here.

  543. Deirdre Lovejoy? There’s also a painting of a woman in a boat called “Deirdre of the Sorrows”, maybe she could be “Deirdre of the Shallows”? Also, here’s an Irish mythology tale about “Deirdre”. http://www.luminarium.org/mythology/ireland/deirdre.htm

  544. TANK YOU!
    Try the name Reha, like Freya but less nordic and a more tortured germanism.

  545. 555
    Shelley in So. IL

    Please, please, please name the weasel something Doctor Who!!

  546. outdooridahoan is right. her name is lois.

  547. 557
    The Silence

    My vote is for Mommy Deerest.

  548. fish heads, fish heads, Roly poly fish heads.

    I scrolled through this post twice and each time my brain san that song as I got to the plaque with the bass heads on it. It that normal?

  549. Yet another reason to wish we did not have to move away from Texas. Althouuuuugh, Hubby’s high school in northern Wisconsin did have taxidermy as a required class.

  550. I’m late to the party but laughing nonetheless. And you may call her whatever you’d like, but for me she will always be Fawn Fawn. Dammit Fawn Fawn.

  551. I love that shop! I love your finds! Poor Victor!

  552. 563
    Amanda Wulff

    I believe the deer is called (in slang maybe? I’m not a hunter) a button buck. As in, their antlers or rack, hasn’t grown in yet. i hear (from my hunter friend) that it’s frowned upon to shoot them. Don’t take my word on this though, as I’ve never one in person, but yours fits the description. I personally like that you call her a “she” and have put that little collar on her. Plus, there is no body so we’ll never know for sure it it’s a male or female! Regardless of this lesson, that may or may not be true, I LOVE IT!

  553. Eloise.
    It has to be her name. I looked at her and a little voice in my head shouted, “ELOISE” – but I don’t know what her middle or last name is….

  554. 565
    Belinda Gritter

    Possibly the best/worst taxidermy post EVER!!! I laughed like a crazed woman when I saw the bug-eyed deer!!! My hands-down favorite is the weasel wearing a dress and a fez. Please tell us the names of all the new purchases. I especially want to know the name of fez girl. Hahahahahahaha! And she’s reading, that means she is bookish and very well educated as well as being multi-cultural.
    I need to think of a name for that crazy deer.

  555. 566
    Belinda Gritter

    I have a name for the bookish weasel. . . . Dorothy Pawker.

  556. 567
    Belinda Gritter

    Cannot stop posting about this crazy blogpost. Walk down memory lane for me. When I was a kid, on the opening day of bass fishing season my dad caught the legal limit of bass – and they were really large. I grew up with a wall full of mounted fish heads at our cottage. I never found them scary. Guess it’s an acquired taste.

  557. YOU MUST post a picture of the creature in a Cub’s uniform? behind her. I must see!!

  558. Derpina the Doh! should be her name! :)

  559. Wow.
    Just… wow.

    The Hook recently posted 5×5 With The Hook: Rohan Healy..

  560. The shrew/squirrel thing is awesome, The weasel is beautiful and deserves a classy name. That deer reminds me of Nancy Reagan.

  561. I posted earlier with my name suggestion. Which totally doesn’t matter any more. After watching my area news tonight…I realized…my state’s professional basketball team will welcome her/him? with open arms/hoovesl

    http://www.nba.com/bucks/mascot/Bango.html

    Your blog gives me joy. Thank you.

    P.S. Is it okay to share the pic of the deer flip off? With giving proper credit of course….it would be very awesome.

  562. 574
    lensaddiction

    MURGATROYD!!!

  563. So perfect.

  564. Clarice. It’s like she stepped right out of Rudolph’s arms and into your life. Well, technically, out of Rudolph’s arms, out of her life, off with her legs, and then into your life.

    chickens consigliere recently posted When Clothes Go to War.

  565. 577
    charlotte lucey

    Ah, her name should be Doe Ray Me.
    It’s the eyes, it’s all in the eyes. omfg that thing is wonderful. I think you were meant to be together.

  566. For the crazy eyed deer, I vote to name it Derpy Harry. Because with those crazy eyes, one way or another she’s gonna find ya, she’s gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha…

  567. All hail the latest discovery in deer…..the cocaindeer! Everybody dance!

  568. Your new weasel looks like Juanita’s city cousin Wilhemina to me…….

  569. Her name must be Dora……… doe—ra! Then she can be Do – Ra-Me,, or Dora Delilah, as the case and one’s temperament at the moment demand.

  570. The weasle needs a bowtie to go with the fez! Bowties are coool!!!

  571. The deer: “Is my lipstick OK?”
    Name: Bette Davis

    Fran Tunno recently posted Mommy Meals.

  572. It’s official. I’m moving back to Texas so you can be my best friend. I’m so sad I ever left (the army made me).

    As for names, the squirrel is definitely Scrat.

    The Deer, well Deerlilah gets a vote, as does anything with Derp in it.

  573. 585
    Jane Precella

    Well, I am from Menard, and I just have to know in what small town did you find these taxidermy marvels?
    I loved when you wrote about a woman from Robert Lee. No one at my job in Omaha believed there is really a town called Robert Lee. I informed them yes there is, they are the Robert Lee Steers and they used to whoop us in football every year. Probably basketball and tennis also…. and who chose a castrated bull as a mascot????? Just wondering. Guess that thought didn’t occur to me when I was in high school!

  574. Deerpy.

  575. I have just found your blog and I’m so glad I did. you are hilarious.

    Although I wouldn’t want to go to your house if these are the sorts of things you decorate with.

    Brooklyn recently posted Ice Skating.

  576. Reblogged this on juneleighton and commented:

    My husband read this and quietly said, “It’s good to know Victor exists. I am not the only one.”

  577. Oh my. From the fish heads on I was laughing so hard I was making wheezing noises!!! I feel like I’ve done my cardio for the day :-) Thanks heaps.

  578. http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nhm/4218208723.html

    You might be interested in this….I thought of you instantly.

  579. That Scrat-like animal is actually a Tupaia! This article will explain why the cup is very suitable for him :) http://news.mongabay.com/2011/1108-ucsc_fessenden_pitcher_plants.html

  580. I laughed so hard I think I pulled something. I don’t mind, because I needed the laugh. Also, Derpy the Deer is the FANCIEST MOTHERFUCKER in the place. No lie.

  581. Oh. Mah. Gerd. I MUST have the coffee cup, formerly pine cone, totin’ critter!!!! What must I do Bloggess?! Please, tell me WHAT?!!

  582. But have you seen this?!? Strange taxidermy photos from a guy who went to jail for using endagered species. Lovely. http://imgur.com/a/I0EEk

    sarahcspencer recently posted Save the children.

  583. Oh, I thought that the deer-ish friend at the end of this post should be named Joan Rivers. I really don’t know why. I love the ferret’s fez. Amelia, perhaps?

  584. That looks more like “large cat surprise butt sex”

  585. You might like this. Wonderfully creepy (and Canadian!) http://boingboing.net/2014/03/05/bike-seattaxidermy-sculptures.html

  586. CrazyEyes McGee

  587. I saw this website of taxidermied animals gone wrong and thought you might like it! I think you’ve succeeded in jokes about taxidermy when people see weird, dead animal bodies that have been creepily preserved and think of you…
    http://offbeat.topix.com/story/11360-crap-taxidermy-is-even-more-terrifying-and-hilarious-than-regular-taxidermy?utm_source=Facebook&utm_campaign=11360

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