So Victor and I just had a discussion about which superhero we would be if we could and it quickly escalated into a giant disagreement about who was considered a superhero and who wasn’t. Specifically, we almost went to fist-city over whether Mighty Mouse and Underdog are superheroes. They are. Victor says they aren’t because “they’re crappy”.
me: Underdog is a totally a superhero. He fights crime.
Victor: No one thinks a damn dog is a hero. If you think a dog is your hero you’ve made pretty poor choices in your life.
me: I bet the people he’s saved think he’s a hero.
Victor: No one thinks that dog is a hero. They’re happy they got their stuff back but they don’t want to grow up to be a dog in a cape. And that’s the difference between characters and real superheros.
me: I think anyone can be a superhero. It’s all about intent to solve crime and superhuman abilities.
Victor: What about Garfield? He has super-human abilities.
me: What’s he fighting? Mondays? Lasagna?
Victor: What about Rocky and Bullwinkle?
me: Huh. Dammit.
me: Wait. They fight super villains so I’m gonna say yes. Superheroes.
Victor: Indiana Jones.
me: Um…he’s a hero, but not a superhero. “Super” implies supernatural or superhuman strength.
Victor: He’s immortal.
me: He’s not immortal.
Victor: You haven’t seen him die yet, have you?
me: By that logic, I’m immortal.
Victor: Okay…Batman. No superpowers. Major superhero. BAM.
me: Shit. Well…he has…superhuman wealth?
Victor: So Richie Rich is superhero?
me: His job is not to solve crime.
Victor: He stops robberies all the time.
me: Of his own money. Doesn’t count.
Victor: Captain Caveman?
me: Well…he’s got a cape. Um…yes?
Victor: Fred Flintstone?
me: What superpower does Fred Flintstone have?
Victor: No one else can eat like him.
me: It’s about intent, Victor. Intent to solve crimes that don’t benefit you.
Victor: Casper the Friendly ghost. That guy was always stopping robbers. Not a superhero.
me: Agreed. But his intent wasn’t to go find robbers. His intent was go hit on Wendy and be friendly. Stopping robbers is just a side effect of being nice. Besides, he was already dead so he wasn’t risking anything.
Victor: Scooby doo.
me: Ooh….good one.
me: Well, he solved crimes, but he didn’t want to solve crimes. And I wouldn’t say he’s superhuman. So, no.
Victor: He’s a talking dog who eats sandwiches. Is that normal dog behavior?
me: All dogs eat sandwiches.
Victor: He MAKES sandwiches. But fine…Doctor Who.
me: Ooh. Hmmmmmmmm…no? He’s superhuman and super awesome, but his intent is really just to explore and have fun and then he finds himself having to save the universe while he’s doing it. But he doesn’t purposely go out looking for crime. Although the TARDIS sort of does, but I think still no.
Victor: So Scooby Doo and Doctor Who are the same.
me: Bite your tongue.
Victor: If neither are superheroes then by your logic, the Doctor is one heart and a big sandwich away from Scooby Doo.
Victor: Tony the Tiger? He’s an seven-foot-tall talking tiger who helps kids with nutrition.
me: That’s not a crime.
Victor: When kids don’t have a good breakfast everyone suffers.
Victor: I mean, I don’t think he is either. I’m just showing you all the holes in your logic. Because they’re huge.
Point? I’m not sure which of us is right and now I’m questioning my own sanity for even having this conversation. So help me out and give me your opinion.