Well, *that* doesn’t bode well.

So, this is going around Facebook:

page 45

I decided to try it, and the book next to me was the German translation of my book.  The sentence is:

“Der Familienlegende zufolge schlug der Mann meiner Ur-Ur-Grobtante, als die schon Über dreißig war und eines Tages am Frühstückstisch saß, seiner Frau von hinten einen Nagel in den Schädel und begrub sie anschließend im Garten.”

This, of course, translates to:

“According to family legend, when my great-great-great aunt was in her thirties, she sat down at the breakfast table and her husband drove a nail though the back of her skull and then buried her in the backyard.”

And that’s why I’ve hidden all the hammers on the roof, Victor.  I’m saving you from yourself.  And I’m also saving me from yourself.  We’re both benefitting.  Stop asking about the hammers.  The hammers are gone.


And in other news, it’s Sunday, which means its time for the weekly wrap-up:


What you missed in my shop (Named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you  by the lovely Helen Pellet, who has a brand new show on cable access called “Here’s What I Like And Now I’ll Tell You Why.”  Watch her describe what she likes, assisted by her hapless maid, Nora Marbles.   My personal favorite: “Green: The Bluejean of Nature.”  I recommend.

451 thoughts on “Well, *that* doesn’t bode well.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Depending on whether the sentence can start on the previous page, mine are:
    “Physicians wishing to treat those whom they diagnosed as neurasthenic needed to acquire a good deal of personal information and constantly consider that their patient’s nervous exhaustion was, as one physician observed, ‘compatible with the appearance of perfect health.'”
    “Beard himself was especially adamant on this particular point.”

    I think I like the Beard one better, but the first one might be more weirdly accurate.

  2. The book nearest to me is called All My Friends Are Dead. It’s hysterical and I highly recommend it but I don’t know that I even want to look in it to see the future of my love life. I can almost guarantee a bad situation…..

  3. “It was close to four so no wonder” – Chasing the Shadows by Keri Arthur
    Apparently I’m a slut

  4. Ha! Mine was a horse journal, and the sentence on page 45 is, “First time breeder promotion program.” Glad I’m not a first-time breeder, but if I were, a promotion program might be nice.

  5. confused “Student organizations which had been banned under Zia became very active.” This does not work if the book nearest to you is “I Am Malala”.

  6. No more hammers! I like it.

    Mine is: “With the arrival of Schoonmaker’s apprentice, Iris becomes, if not happier, at least less self-conscious, because Caspar doesn’t seem to notice her sorry looks.” – Gregory Maguire, Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister.

    That’s kind of depressing.

  7. no-but this is what we can eat, start here.

    from ‘the organic nanny’s guide to raising healthy kids’

  8. “Every now and then a spur of rock came down through the arid ground, leaving us scarcely room to pass.”

  9. “…which seemed very yellow and large set in the bright red plumage of his head.” – Drift House: The First Voyage by Dale Peck. Obviously my love life is just as colorful and confusing at this sentence. Or maybe it’s a sign I should start dating Carrot Top…

  10. “Huge doors creaked and rolled back.”
    From Jason Hough’s The Darwin Elevator.
    Hmmm… I’ve been separated for 5 years & friends are encouraging me to begin dating. Yup, that fits. :p

  11. “Although there are any number (an infinite number) of things you might want to do, effects you might want to achieve, two are general enough to serve as a basic classification and as a port of entry into the wonderful world of sentences.” (p.45) – How to Write a Sentence and How to Read One, Stanley Fish. LOL I’d say it fits perfectly just substitute sentences with the word sex. 😉

  12. “She was out on her old 1958 tractor, bushogging the sides of her long driveway.”
    -A Whisker of Evil by Rita Mae & Sneaky Pie Brown
    I have no idea what this says about my love life. Translation, please?

  13. “DARKNESS AND WARMTH.” Of course, the second sentence is even more telling, “And then, an all-beep rendition of ‘LA Cucaracha.’ ”


  14. Can I get the Nothing some Hard Liquor and Hammer Won’t Fix in a maternity shirt? I really want to wear it to brunch with my in-laws. You know, after they get out of church, and I pry my fat pregnant ass off the couch.

  15. “There is nothing fig jam can’t fix.” Well sure. Add a live chicken and you’ve got a floor show.

  16. The closest thing to me resembling a book is my journal. Page 45 is a grocery list. Yeah that pretty much sums up my love life.

    Let’s try again. Dr. Seuss, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” Page 45 is the completely blank white last page of the book. Once again, this seems to fit.

    One more shot. “Statistical Methods and Data Analysis”………

    I hate this game.

  17. It depends whether book means book or nearest paper thing with words.

    “Introduced in the late 16th century, the Regulator dramatically improved accuracy in measuring time with the addition of a pendulum to the weight driven movement” – Design Toscano catalog

    “I hastily withdrew, shuddering.” – If I Were an Evil Overlord

  18. Personally, I’d have hidden the nails because any object with a hard, flat surface can be used to knock them in.

    The closest book to me was an AMA Home Medical Encyclopaedia (A-H) that was published in 1989. “Educational programs have advocated following ‘safe’ sex practices and, for intravenous drug users, ensuring that needles and syringes are sterile, in the hope that it may control or reduce the risk of infection”. Does this mean I should stay single? I’m so confused.

  19. Later that summer, he would enjoy the sweet corn that grew from the garden, fertilized by her body.

    Oh, wait. That’s a Johnny Depp movie. Never mind.

  20. “Initially developed as medications to induce sleep, barbiturates today continue to be used as sedating drugs to help those with difficulty sleeping.” From my addiction counseling textbook. Not sure what to make of that one.

  21. You will be setting your cap at him now, and never think of poor Brandon.
    -Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

    As true today as the day it was written. Poor, poor Brandon.

  22. “Usually it was like spillage – cold and heavy, slippery and gray – but once in a whole some stars had the nerve to rise and float, if only for a few minutes.”

    Well, then. That seems dire.

  23. Currently reading “Stories”, edited by Neil Gaiman and Al Sarrantonio. Page 45 is near the end of Joanne Harris’ short story, “Wildfire in Manhattan”:

    “I looked at him. ‘He could be, I guess. There’s always room for a drummer.'”

    I…I don’t know how to respond to that…

  24. At the kitchen table, the closet book to me is an older version of the Wilton Method of Cake Decorating Lesson Plan for Course I. I turned to page 45 and it is 2 practice sheets; the first, is swirls and curves and stars. The second says, “Happy Birthday”(print), “Congratulations”, “Happy Birthday” (cursive) and finally, “Best Wishes”. Nothing I can relate to a love life, unless the “Congratulations” is a predictive statement. In that case, awesome. However, I can tell you that today is actually my birthday so the coincidence is uncanny. Hmmmm…I better go shower in case I meet someone today.

  25. I used my book The City Center and here’s what my romantic and tender love life looks like:
    “You have technology?”

  26. From “Before You Leap: A Frog’s Eye View of Life’s Greatest Lessons” by Kermit The Frog: “The first thing we needed was a place to do the show.” Eep! Perhaps I’m more of an exhibitionist than I thought. OTOH, it may be telling me I really should sell my house and go get a condo downtown. Location is everything.

  27. The nearest book to me is The Oxford Bible Commentary (don’t ask). The first sentence on page 45 is: “The story is of course significant in that this is the earliest instance in Genesis of death and also of violence committed by one human being against another.” I AM NEVER DATING AGAIN.

  28. “By 1810, the American religious establishment and most tunebook compilers had adopted an ideology that favored solemn, dignified, even bland music from European sources, while avoiding fuging tunes.”

    Racy stuff.

  29. “I keep watching him as he searches, and for some reason, he looks different than he did just hours ago.”
    Which raises questions. What is he searching for? Why am I watching and not helping? What is he becoming, that he looks so different through the hours? Should I run?

  30. I tweeted this to you a while back please tell me you saw it and felt cool… and copied and pasted from my Facebook since twitter won’t let me have this many characters…

    I just want to see who of my friends actually have books

    Mine: First book I picked up… In this garb he proceeded along the banks of Euphrates, filled with despair, and secretly accusing providence, which thus continued to persecute him with unremitting severity. ~Zadig, or Fate, by Voltaire

    Since that wasn’t ideal, second book I picked up… Instead of Sweet Valley High, I read books about zombies and vampires. ~Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson

  31. “Take care of yourself,” he challenged. “Then we’ll move on to the demonstration.” (Key of Valor by Nora Roberts)
    Huh. I have a gutter mind so I am STILL laughing. Heh.

  32. “…seeing naught but the perils already passed, so the wisdom of man doth not enable him to avoid the follies that beset his course, but only to apprehend their nature afterward.” Sir James Merivale. Well, that says it all.

  33. “In every triangle, the sum of the lengths of two sides is always greater than the length of the third.”
    Triangles, lengths, and my love life…and they say geeks are boring!
    Machinery’s Handbook, 25th edition, pg.45

  34. Cmon now, you have to be happy that the same people who read your book also reads Voltaire. It would have been from “A Biography of Zero” (I know that should be italicized or underlined) if the kids didn’t take it first. This should at least please Victor that your reading base has an IQ.

  35. “A small crowd had gathered and it occurred to me that another thug might arrive, so I needed to work out a way of freeing up a hand without releasing the original two thugs.”

    Hmmmm. Apparently, I need to figure out how to let go of my previous relationships before the next one arrives.

  36. “It is not a love token, it is a wedding ring. We are married.” I make my announcement in triumph, but I am instantly disappointed. – page 45, The White Queen

    Make of this what you will.

  37. “When did you notice the infection?”

    from The Queen of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner.

  38. Don’t think I ever got around to reading this one.. it’s sitting on top of the pile of stuff by my computer.. “Before I say Good-Bye”.. Shortly after they met, Cornelius MacDermott had laughingly observed, “Adam, you’re a prime example of the differences between appearance and reality.”


  39. “All I could think was holy hell, momma’s gonna die when she hears about this.”

    I’m reading Shem Creek by Dorthea Benton Frank. My love life has always been questionable to my mom. She’s never liked anyone I dated. She hated my ex husband. Hmmmm

  40. “When she came in the next morning there was a dictionary of Dwarvish and a copy of Postalume’s The Speech of Trolls on the lectern too.”
    -Unseen Academicals, by Terry Pratchett

    …given that a Discworld book was the closest one to me, somehow that sentence seems to fit pretty well.

  41. “By this time, they had walked a good way.”

    from The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis

  42. This portion of the tube is filed with four to six very small holes after the open end has been pinched off and folded over to prevent leakage.

    Gem Cutting, a Lapidary’s manual

  43. OMG mine said
    “You’ll feel better when you eat.”
    This is especially funny considering i am fat!

  44. A little kerchief was flung about her bare throat, but lay slanting to one side. Crime and Punishment. Maybe I should’ve picked The Secret? #hidingkerchiefs

  45. “During the early 1600s men and women alike wore a three-inch obi.”
    Kimono: Fashioning Culture

  46. “We’re running out of ways of using the water up.” Karlology, What I’ve Learnt So Far… by Karl Pulkington. Alrighty then.

  47. “The magic circle beneath it flashed, and the crypto was transmogrified into a small green lump.” From Monster by A. Lee Martinez

  48. I’d hide the nails, personally.

    – Spook Country, William Gibson

    Sounds good to me.

  49. The closest book to me is a book of Love poems by Pablo Neruda. Page 45 is blank. What even is my life?

  50. If ebooks count: ‘Oh.’
    If they don’t: ‘A final fillip to the preceding onion soup may be accomplished in the kitchen just before serving or by the server at the table.’

    Either way: Yup. That’s about the sum of it.

  51. I did this a few days ago on Facebook. My sentence was: “So,” said her other father. “Do you like it here?”
    Coraline. By Neil Gaiman.

    A tip: I’d hide the nails, too, Jenny.

  52. Girls much older than that were either safely married or hopelessly lost–either to prostitution or death.

    doesn’t look good for me…

  53. Reblogged this on The Meandering Musings of a Media-Consuming Mom and commented:

    The nearest book for me was An Object of Beauty, by Steve Martin.

    My sentence?

    “Still, seven thousand dollars was not bad for a walk around the corner.”

    This is why I have missed the Bloggess on WordPress. How else would I understand my love live? (But not really, because as parents of a young child, neither my boyfriend nor I get laid often enough to have a relationship based solely on commerce and sex.)

  54. “Once they had cultivated a quagga chromosome out of DNA recovered from hair and other remains, they injected it into the enucleated zebra egg, then put the egg back into a surrogate zebra mother.”
    -From Ancestor<\i> by Scott Sigler

    Wow. That’s pretty kinky.

  55. “However, ‘unauthorized’ biographies are published all the time.” If I have the kind of life where people are writing biographies, let alone unauthorized ones, I’ll be doing okay.

  56. “Nah, if we go back, we just end up in the feather room with no way back onto the slide that brought us in.” — From The Tolls Must Go, by Scott Burgess.
    That explains a lot.

  57. I have a 10yo, and we’re doing PARP (Parents Are Reading Porn, I think), so the closest book to me was Flat Stanley’s Worldwide Adventures. The sentence:

    I didn’t CHOOSE to be flat. I don’t stand for ANYTHING.

    Oh great!

  58. “‘Pardon me, ma’am,’ a girl near the front says. ‘What if I don’t want to go with the people who choose me?'”

    Ok, that’s two sentences. And really doesn’t say good things about the future of my love life. Hehehe

  59. My love life descriptor?

    “Looking like a claw, a hand cultivator has three or five prongs on the end of a long shaft.”

    Well. That’s alarming.

  60. Closest book to me was Jeff Smith’s Bone Vol. 1: Out From Boneville. First sentence on the page, “Why, yes!”
    Second closest book was Dominic Deegan – Oracle for Hire The Complete Series Vol. 1. Bit tedious to find page 45 since the pages aren’t numbered, but from what I deduced as the correct page, first sentence was, “What’s wrong with YOU, four-eyes?”

    This is good and bad.

    And an indication that I read a ton of comics/graphic novels.

  61. “I’m keeping up with what I use,” Parsons said.
    Red Dragon by Thomas Harris (The first Hannibal Lecter book).
    I don’t know what to think.

  62. Großtante not Grobtante. Groß! the ß is a special German character and phonetically it would be translated into GROSStante (which I am sure you appreciate even more making it your gross aunt :P.
    (I can sort of top that, I did it a while ago and my book was Gulp, by Mary Roach. The memorable line was: ” To experience taste, the molecules of the tastant – the thing one is tasting – need to dissolve in liquid “. )

  63. The book closest to me is D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek myths. Page 45 is an illustration of Artemis. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

  64. “Ethylene glycol is an ingredient of automobile antifreeze.”

    Is it sad that a Chemistry textbook was the closest book to me?

  65. Two Mercedes rather than camels formed a kind of gate in front of the main canvas flap.-Blink of an Eye by Ted Dekker.

  66. But Manwe rose also, and it seemed that he stood to such a height that his voice came down to Yavanna as from the path of the winds.

    This seems ambiguous at best.

  67. The last generation to wear suits as they went about this work, they had money in their pockets and knew how to spend it — it’s from “The Enduring Saga of the Smiths”. I’m bummed it wasn’t a snarky Morrissey quote. And that Skeletor Facebook page is amazing.

  68. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

    “It somersaults swiftly, handle over blade, and finds itself buried in the dartboard once again.”

    I like the seeming acrobat-ness of that.

  69. “When one of the possibilities matures, the rest will perhaps be forgotten, but right now, this moment, while she speaks of Life, she knows in the back of her mind what’s happening to her hand.”

    I feel uneasy.

  70. “But Marianne could no more satisfy him as to the color of Mr. Willoughby’s pointer than he could describe to her the shades of his mind.”

    As it happens…Daughter is reading Sense and Sensibility for school, so the book was sitting next to the computer. My mom choose the spelling of my name from the character “Marianne” in this book.
    It’s all kinda weird, huh? Not sure how much sense the quote makes in regards to my love life?

  71. I was going to run away today but I had no clean pants, so I’ve locked myself in the bedroom instead, giving me plenty of time to enjoy all your links to cool stuff. No, I’m not a teenager. I’m a happily married mom with a successful career. But I imagine if anyone can relate to my attitude today it’s you or your other readers. You’ve all been here before, right?

  72. “Please do not hesitate to call upon me if there is anything you need” — A Matter of Honor by Jeffrey Archer (one of my husband’s books.)

    I suppose this is a commentary on taking care of the “needs” of others, but my first thought was what about “my” needs.

  73. “18th May 1907 – I began to wonder whether the fairies are taking their revenge upon me.”

    From: Lady Cottingham’s Pressed Fairy Book

    It’s a diary of a young girl that decides to press fairies (instead of flowers). The morbid (and by morbid, I mean awesome) smeary drawings of the fairies last moments—as they were smashed between the pages—are fantastic. So, of course, it’s my coffee table book.

  74. From Stephen King’s The Stand:

    “But it was almost uncanny, the way she had caught him.”

    I am intrigued and also relieved it wasn’t something revolting.

  75. Kinda fitting…..from How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you p 45: And lastly, I’ve made a list of items I’d like to see accomplished by the end of the month.

  76. “You may lack all motivation and direction.” Hahahahahaha….. don’t tell my husband, lol!

    From: How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies by Therese A. Rando. It’s required reading for a course I’m taking, really.

  77. “The streetlights turned on automatically, doing little to push back the darkness, doing a lit to cast deep shadows on frightened faces.” Oh how so very true.

  78. “Yessir.” – From Jonathan Kellerman’s Rage.

    Yeah, sounds about right. 😉

  79. Mine’s ‘pour in the stock and red wine’ which probably sounds about right.

  80. 3 books on the computer desk:
    American Sniper “We’d have lunch together and trade informal intel back and forth.”
    William Shakespeare’s Star Wars “Pray, whither goest thou, thou naughty droid?”
    The Phantom Tollbooth “Confusion in the Market Place”

    Appears to be unresolved, lol.

  81. “The government did not, at any time, allege the Skilling solicited or accepted side payments from a third party in exchange for making these misrepresentations”

    Criminal Law and Procedure, 12th ed.

    Apparently this is the love life of a law student? haha

  82. “The thunderclaps and explosions and jarring vibrations continue for days.” – The True Story of Noah’s Ark.

  83. Regenbogen: pluvius H, caelestis Al; [auch ohne Attr.] If I translate the German parts to English, that gives: 2. Ranbow: pluvius H, caelestis Al; [also without attribute.] I was kinda worried when I saw that the book closest to me was my Latin to German dictionary, but rainbow? That acutally sounds good!

  84. So I have 3 choices (the book closest to me was a cookbook.)

    The first thing on the page is the recipe title: Angel Surprise Cake….awwww…(but probably not accurate).

    Or I could go with the first line of the ingredients: 1 package lime Jello…hmmm…(I like lime. So. Yeah.)

    The first real sentence (according to the grammar nazi in my head) is: Dissolve jello in water.

    Definitely explains a lot…

  85. I don’t think we were even conscious of each other, the world around us, anything except the words before our eyes.

    (The sentence starts on page 44, but I’m going with it.)

    It’s from World War Z by Max Brooks. And it makes 100% sense at the moment, as I’m 100% single and all I’m doing with my life is writing and trying to clear clutter.

    So. Yeah.

  86. The book is The Better Angels of Our Nature, by Steven Plinker.

    The sentence? “In the early 19th century an English convict named William Buckley escaped from a penal colony in Australia and for three decades lived happily with the Wathaurung aborigines.”

    I shit you not.

  87. F M R O O D P B M B S D S X

    Jumbo Word Find.
    And strangely spot on right now.

  88. From Food Network Magazine:
    “Giada is definitely fit, but not from running.”

  89. Robin #48, to get to pages on your Kindle, click on the button that’s to the left of the house/home button, go to Go To ….. put in 45 and then go down to page and click. Voila. page 45.

  90. “Twenty-two replies indicated that the position had been filled” (Stephen King’s IT)
    Wow. That’s almost eerie.

  91. Oh thhhhbbbbppppttttt please delete my previous comment, I didn’t mean to post my email address.

  92. The October List by Jeffery Deaver
    “She glanced at his handsome face, felt that ping of attraction.”

    This is a kidnapping mystery story, but if that’s a sign of 2014 I’ll take it!

  93. “Do as the locals do and enjoy an afternoon soak at one of the city’s public geothermal pools…” Heh.

  94. “She has always been good at biding her time.” The Stand by Stephen King. Coulda been worse considering the author but my future love life…damn I was hoping for a little more action. Damn you Stephen King. Now excuse me while I go check out all my books to find a better outcome.

  95. “Early twenties, maybe.”

    Given that I’m reading Scott Sigler’s “Pandemic”, that sentence was remarkably gore-free.

  96. “But Clay, he’s only been with us for a day and he’s probably a criminal.” Oh, dear…

  97. “He sat in his bedroom with the blinds closed, hugging his cat.”

    Really. The sad thing is that that is scarily close to what I’m actually doing.

  98. I took a shower and brushed my hair out into a bunch of soft curls that skimmed my shoulders.
    Takedown Twenty~Janet Evanovich
    Kind of boring, but then again so is my life in Ohio!

  99. I got this: “Most of the corn as it was husked was tossed into a pile, to be borne later to the village.” I have no idea what this says about my sex life. This is what I get for having a fascination with historical ethnographies. (This was from “Buffalo-bird Woman’s Garden” by Gilbert L. Wilson, published by the Minnesota Historical Society.)

  100. It could have been worse considering they sometimes just tied you over the horse like a sack of flour. The Son. Omg. It’s perfect

  101. By way of allegory – the device by which literal meaning of the text implies a figurative or “hidden” meaning – Plato describes a group of ordinary mortals chained within an underground chamber (the psyche imprisoned within the human body).

    Hmmmm…oddly accurate at the moment.

  102. “Besides, the mound was very close to all that remained of Granny Aching’s shepherding hut, and that was almost holy ground.” (I Shall Wear midnight, by Terry Pratchett)

  103. “…[the] more I did it, the more I wanted to do it.” — Thinking in Pictures and Other Reports From My Life With Autism

    That’s funny. That’s the same thought I had this morning while having sex with my husband.

  104. “Meanwhile, Wanda asked Billy where he thought he was going.”

    Which seems all calm and sweet but it’s Stephen King so I’m pretty sure they’ll both be dead soon.

  105. “It helps to prepare your child for the possibility of an accidental separation.” – The Official Birmbaum’s Guide to Walt Disney World.

    Well that’s interesting – I don’t have kids and can’t, maybe because I didn’t prepare my child adequately (and must be blocking it out)….

  106. “Well-designed paths do more than get you from one place to another.” (Front Yard Idea Book, by Jeni Webber)

    Oh dear.

  107. More than any other factor, vision affects the choices we make and the way we spend our time. I’ve got Stephen covey on my desk right now because I am trying to pick up a habit that will make me more effective. I think it might not be working since I made a choice to forego my to do list and I’ve spent my entire morning surfing the net.

  108. Also, all I could think about when I read that blog post from Maureen Johnson was the character Maureen Johnson from RENT.

  109. “By that very afternoon McGroaty’s inspired ferreting had met with success.” (The Steampunk Trilogy, Paul DiFilippo)

    I hate to imagine how this applies to our love life, but it sounds fuzzy and tickly.

  110. I’ve been reading THE LOST YEARS with a friend whose son was into drugs. First sentence on page 45 reads, “The downward spiral had started slowly.” I laughed out loud. Right on target!

  111. “Great. Not only am I isolated and alone but also, now clearly, unpopular.” :((((((( From the new Bridget Jones book.

  112. I had three closest books. In a pile. On my bed. Don’t judge me.

    “Discount Armageddon” says: “Fine; if it wanted to be that way, I would improvise.”

    “Ancient Rome” says: “The policy was so fundamental that Rome even offered slaves a chance for upward social mobility.”

    And “Connected” says: “It comes in the form of verbal and sonic guerrilla warfare”…

    I’m disturbed by this. What exactly am I doing in my love life?

  113. Earle was still setting with Sookie, trying his best to calm her down, but he was having no luck. ~ The All-Girls Filling Station’s Last Reunion, Fannie Flagg.
    Well, my husband does spend a good deal of time calming me down…Or trying to…

  114. “If you keep a steady determination and stick with that purpose, you will know how to use that choice and control your consciousness so unwanted thoughts don’t come to you anymore.” Little Voice Mastery

  115. I wasn’t going to play, but mine’s hysterical, so I have to: The end of the previous page’s sentence is (sticking messages inside a pudding?), but pg 45’s 1st sentence is – “They would get all goopy that way.” Goopy; Super sexy. (ugh)

  116. “There was a knock on the door and Bond looked up, irritated, and Araminta Beauchamp stepped in.” – Solo, William Boyd
    Damn, my name isn’t Araminta Beauchamp but it would appear James Bond is irritated with her anyway. I might have a chance.
    I think another interpretation of your page 45 sentence could be you’re going to get nailed – wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more!
    Sorry to those offended, I don’t always have good self censoring.

  117. “It’s so somewhat effective that i now rely on it almost exclusively when I need to get myself to do something important. ”
    -Hyperbole and a Half, Allie Brosh. It’s oddly fitting. 🙂

  118. “Now, it was just th efunction of our interface desiderata (IIIb), (IIIc) to make these probability assignments completely ‘objective’ in the sense that they are independent of the personality of the user.” (“Probability Theory: The Logic of Science,” E. T. Jaynes)
    (I have no idea what this means– my husband and I share a desk, and he’s at the reading stage while I’m at the writing stage…)

  119. Closest book, the Power of Myth (soft cover) “And God saw everything that he had made and behold, it was very good.”

  120. The book closest to me is a training manual, and page 45 is kevcompletely blank to allow for note taking. So I guess the first line is either nothing or something I have to do myself. Which is remarkably accurate.

  121. “What you see was once the famous English stronghold of Castlegard.” Timeline by Michael Crichton.

    I hope it doesn’t mean that I was once famous but now just a pile of moldering ruins. 🙁

  122. The nearest book happens to be your book so: “Instead of Sweet Valley High, I read books about zombies and vampires.”

    If we look at the last book I read, that would be The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe which is a bit complicated because it’s an eBook. Using Amazon Cloud Reader, I get: “‘Why?’ asked Marvin dolefully.” Somehow that sounds very profound in a “I’m not sure what it really means” sort of way. (Kind of like 42.)

  123. First partial sentence “..my fault.”
    First full sentence “it just didn’t occur to me that we wouldn’t be able to get out at the other end.”

    Seriously (sadly) sums up my love life.

  124. Mine was also a cookbook . . .
    Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
    Huh. I guess menopause is coming.

  125. I tried this, and the closest book to me was a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It said, “Absolutely pointless, seeing as your mother’s charm does that already.” I have no idea what to make of this.

  126. Mine was from “The Name of the Wind”-“Everyone thinks you’re dead.” I laughed and laughed.

  127. “Musket barrels flashed in the moonlight as the shout of ‘Halt! Your name and your business!’ came from the dark.”
    Hmmmmmm…..Yeah….that could work. 🙂

  128. The closest book to me was a British copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly hallows. It read, “Absolutely pointless, seeing as your mother’s charm does that already.” I have no idea what to make of this.

  129. LMAO– I’m reading a dirty book and it’s pretty accurate. All I know is I really need to go get your book after reading that one snippet- I’m like the last person of my friends that hasn’t read it yet. Sorry I didn’t buy it yet– but I bought a damn mug so I still love you and that’s proof!

  130. LOL, HILARIOUS–“You don’t want to require an increasing amount of financial pressure to motivate you toward good choices.” Pocket your dollars: 5 attitude changes that will help you pay down debt, avoid financial stress, and keep more of what you make, by Carrie Rocha

  131. First full sentence – “With your permission we stop there, there may be a fresh camera for you. ”

    Umm. No. (From Dorothy Gilman’s Mrs. Pollifax Unveiled.

  132. Hmmm, I have a bunch of programming and UNIX books next to me. For some reason that explains everything…

  133. From The Wilder Life: “The whole process began to feel superstitious and weird.”

  134. Page 45 just has a picture of a kitten on it. Spot on accurate. I am becoming more and more of a cat lady everyday!

  135. “Currently a branch of Chase Bank, the former Salinas Valley Savings & Loan in San Jose, constructed in 1961, has been through so many incarnations that initially it seemed impossible to track it’s origins”. Mid-Century By The Bay by Heather M. David

  136. Of course I played the game, and of course I got:

    “He’s been in the sea a long time,” Evan said.

    All I know is he’s been somewhere a long time, cause he’s not around here!

  137. Of course I played the game, and of course I got:

    “He’s been in the sea a long time,” Evan said.

    Well, he’s obviously been somewhere a long time, cause he’s not around here.

  138. “Every domestic witch will eventually look into the subject of finding a household deity.” I have no idea what that would even mean.

  139. So the nearest book for me is “Shakespeare’s Star Wars.” Page 45, line one: “Pray, whither goest thou, thou naughty droid?”

    I’m dying over here. OMG.

  140. How many significant figures are in each of the following measured quantities?
    -Introductory Chemical Essentials

  141. My nearest book was an illustrated cookbook: Roots – The Definitive Compendium. Page 45 says, “I prefer to roast beets, rather than boil or steam them.” I think my husband would prefer I did NOT roast, boil OR steam his beets.

  142. Mine was, “when the amount of dough is too much for your machine, process by halves or thirds, and combine for the final hand kneading”. Which feels sadly/oddly right on about the state of my marriage…

  143. “Get the fuck out of my room. I’d like to have angry sex with my wife right now.” Gulp. I don’t like angry sex.

  144. Mine was from Who-ology: “Full name: David John McDonald” which means my love life can be explained as David Tennant. I like that a lot! Favorite Doctor.

  145. “On the ferry across the Oresund between Denmark and Sweden, I drank a cup of coffee and began to feel human again.” I’m just drinking my first coffee of the day after a big night so I guess…

  146. Hmm. My closest book was a coding manual … note sure what this means but it can’t be good “ACTUATE #IMPLIED, onload, onrequest, actuateother, actuatenone.”

  147. From “Raising Goats for Dummies”: ” A lot of people around the world eat goat meat…. in bed?

  148. The book closest to me is a book of postcards called “Grandma’s Dead: Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals.” Page 45 postcard is a cute puppy in a basket and at the bottom says “You’re bad in bed”. How sad, given this is supposed to refer to my love life.

  149. The nearest book to me is Allie Brosh’s Hyperbole & a Half. Page 45….”Are we going to do the thing?”
    Well then…

  150. The closest book to me is the Code Monkey Save World collection that arrived yesterday. Page 45 starts with “I now call this meeting of VILLAINY AFFILIATED, LLC to order!”

    Which….yeah, I’ll accept that.

  151. I had not yet seen this on FB and decided to play along after reading your blog post. Mine was the first book I ever read cover-to-cover – my mom’s old Dick and Jane reader copyright 1951. Page 45 reads, “Find Dick.”

  152. “I remember something I had done in my fear landscape in Dauntless initiation …in a simulation, a woman demanded that I kill my family, and I let her shoot me instead.” {{well that leaves me feeling awkward. I mean dont get me wrong, that’s what Id do. But …my love life …umm …I dont know what to think about this. haha

  153. “Usually it was like spillage — cold and heavy, slippery and gray — but once in a while some stars had the nerve to rise and float, if only for a few minutes.” From THE BOOK THIEF, by Markus Zusak. (My husband and I are rolling on the floor laughing at this!)

  154. “Magically prepared food has a certain blissful flavor with which dishes cooked in an ordinary oven simply cannot compete.” Book from the game Ni no Kuni

    Dang it, I’m not magical enough! This explains my lack of a relationship, but how do I fix it?

  155. “Paid for what?” (John Connolly’s The Infernals)

    If paying for it isn’t going to get me anything worth talking about, why waste the money?

  156. We got such a kick out of the book closest to me that my dear husband reached over to the bookshelf and grabbed the first book he touched. From THE CALL OF THE WILD, by Jack London, “Buck made his hole in the snow and slept the sleep of the exhausted just, but all too early was routed out in the cold darkness and harnessed with his mates to the sled.”

    Cant. Stop. Laughing. We’re having waaaay too much fun with this!

  157. Closest book is David Baldacci’s The Sixth Man… “At the doorway there were two more guards.”
    I don’t think I like the sound of that it’s like I’ve been kidnapped by a perv… probably a rich perv but still, no thanks!

  158. You did better than I did when I grabbed my closest book earlier this week – at least yours adds excitement!

  159. The figure shows the general categories of data that might be collected over the course of the assessment and represents another way of thinking about the determinants of the health shown in Table 1-1 on page 10.—From Community Nutrition in Action, the textbook I’m reading right now.

  160. From Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.

    “Could be dangerous.”

    Well, that’s a bit of a worry.

  161. “Even street lampss with time-ochered glass, even moonlight failed to smooth a layer of romance over the crumbling stucco, the warped clapboard, and the peeling paint of the houses in Camp’s End.” That… sounds pretty accurate…

  162. “Not all Doris’s sisters were like her–with such a spicy tongue, you might say.”

    I’m speechless.

  163. “Saturn was originally one of the Numina, the Protector of the Sowers and the Seed, as his wife Ops was a Harvest Helper.”

    Yep, clearly a perfect description of my life.

  164. “Harry was alternately filled with restless energy that made him unable to settle to anything, during which time he paced his bedroom, furious at the whole lot of them for leaving him to stew in this mess; and with a lethargy so complete that he could lie on his bed for an hour at a time, staring dazedly into space, aching with dread at the thought of the Ministry hearing.”

    Special thanks to J.K. Rowling for the extra long sentence and the strange summation of my love life…. you had me til you mentioned the Ministry, Ms. Rowling. I think we all know ‘there’s no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation’! [Shout out to Pierre Trudeau for that wisdom!]

  165. The book closest to me is a biography of Anne Boleyn. This doesn’t bode well.

  166. My first sentence runs over from the preceding page…
    “I watched as he picked it up and leafed through the first few pages before raising his head to search the parking lot, combing the area as if he might spot either a surveillance camera or, preferably, a vanload of naked swingers pressing their bare breasts against the windows and inviting him to join the fun.” – David Sedaris, ” Naked”

    I don’t think my life is nearly that exciting! Hahahahaha!

  167. “Quite…but there’s no need to make idle conversation.” -the cypher, by Diana Pharoah Francis.

  168. “I liked living along, doubted if I could abide sharing my space with anyone, but sometimes I wondered.” — “Identity Crisis” by Debbi Mack (a murder mystery)

  169. “An intense upward stretch of the legs is matched by a strong downward extension of the trunk.”
    Oh my, sounds fun. pg 45, first sentence, from Yoga, The Iyengar Way
    This is the section on standing poses . . .

  170. So, the only book in the room is the one in which I write poetry.

    By aisle 7 there’s a kink
    in my elbow and an angry
    red dent slashing across
    my forearm from the handle
    of a basket overloaded with cream
    of broccoli soup cans
    and fresh ears of white corn.

    I may have arranged the line breaks for perv factor when typing this. In reality, my love life is non-existent, so perhaps this is saying I do mundane things like grocery shopping instead?

    As for actual books, I fetched my latest read – Diary by Chuck Palahniuk – and it said:

    Misty said, “The what?”

    Hahahaha. Non-existent indeed!

  171. “Everybody thought they’d fight, but Edgar apologized, so now people suspect Edgar is a coward” Oy vey.

  172. The only book in the room is the one in which I write poetry.

    By aisle 7 there’s a kink
    in my elbow and an angry
    red dent slashing across
    my forearm from the handle
    of a basket overloaded with cream
    of broccoli soup cans
    and fresh ears of white corn.

    I may have adjusted line breaks for the perv factor. In reality, my love life is non-existent, so maybe this is saying I do mundane things like grocery shopping instead?

    The latest book I read was Diary by Chuck Palahniuk. It says:

    Misty said, “The what?”

    Hahahaha. Non-existent indeed!

  173. “The pageant of the river bank had marched steadily along, unfording itself in scene-pictures that succeeded each other in stately procession.”
    (The Wind in the Willows).

  174. The book nearest me is an 1895 edition of Edison’s Handy Encyclopedia of General Information and Universal Atlas. There is no sentence on page 45 but the first words on the page are “Specific Gravities and Weights of Stones, Earths, Etc.”

  175. Uhm. It’s never good when the closest book is a GOT book. From “Clash Of Kings”

    Next cam Ser Horas Redwyne’s turn.

  176. Well this isn’t good the book nearest to me is Helen Keller’s Teacher (my kid was doing a book report on her recently).
    Page 45: Why, on the record book of Tewksbury she was down as “virtually blind”.
    I have no idea what to make of this lol.

  177. The nearest book didn’t quite have 45 pages. So yeah, nonexistent does pretty much sum up my love life at the moment.

  178. Mozart: Confutatus Maledictum, how would you translate that?
    Salieri: Consigned to the flames of woe.

    Um, just frigging great.

  179. Like most people (I think), I keep my books in a few select locations in my house. From where I was when I saw this, I calculated the distance to each book location, and then to the nearest book (with 45 pages…I have a number of small graphic books with fewer on display) within that collection. The “closest” book was Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons in hardcover (what? I love shitty fiction. SUE ME…THE NEXT CLOSEST BOOK WAS THE ORIGINAL FREAKONOMICS! Also I buy hardcovers so I don’t destroy them when traveling…YOU’RE WELCOME FOR BUYING YOUR HARDCOVER, JENNY!). Page 45, sentence 1: “‘Vestra was on the cutting edge of particle physics,’ he said.” Erm, with that explanation, “grand wizard of the nerds” seems appropriate…

  180. “HANDS UP, FEET APART, MOUTHS SHUT.” I guess that’s what I get from reading stupid teenage dystopian romance. At least it gave the husband and I a really good laugh because really?!?! We have a toddler, so I don’t think any of that would happen.

  181. “(HP Deskjet printers set the standard for quality and reliability, so) you have made an excellent choice.”

    I think my wife would agree.

    The heading at the top of the page, “Getting Help When Things Go Wrong,” is a sentence fragment (a gerund phrase to be precise), so I will pretend that doesn’t apply.

  182. One can apply to Hegel what Le Senne said of the philosophy of Hamelin: “Each of the lower terms depends on the higher term, as the abstract on the concrete which is necessary for it to realize itself.”

    This does not bode well.

  183. Hahahaha. My first sentence is: For three months this method was pursued, the doctor and patient all the time looking for “a crisis” that should bring out the “bad humors.” (Women of the Asylum: Voices From Behind the Walls, 1840-1945 by Jeffrey L Geller and Maxine Harris). Yeah..

  184. The closest book to me is a book of cat poetry. I don’t even need to open in. The fact that I own a book consisting entirely of poems about cats says more than words ever could.

  185. “The wavefunction is therefore periodic in time with period 1/v, and periodic in space with period 2pi/k, which is equal to the wavelength lamda (see Fig. 2.2-2).”
    Or, if textbooks don’t count:
    “The answer is: he took the goat over first, and then the yam.”

  186. “Errol!” said Ron, taking the limp owl from Percy and extracting a letter from under its wing.

    Truth be told, this isn’t the first time Harry Potter has explained my sex life, LOL! BTW, I loved the “Talladega Nights” reference!!

  187. A friend posted this on facebook shortly after I came out to her and several others as being asexual (despite having been in a serious relationship for several years.) My sentence is
    “Why not?”
    So, yeah. That pretty much sums it up…

  188. I’m not doing the book thing like EVERYbody else did. Not because I’m a rebel but because I just don’t feel like looking for the nearest book…which is a whole ‘nother room.

    But I want to be friends with Michelle too. But I don’t want to go for walks with her dog. All that junk…well, at least she isn’t scrounging for catshit in the bushes.

  189. “Most people have some distinctive features, such as creases and wrinkles, that can be used as a focal point and to make the face come alive” ~ Anatomy for the Artist.

    Well, that explains everything! lol.

  190. Really wishing I hadn’t decided to start reading Grimms fairy tales last night… Ok, here goes… “But what did she see when she went in?” Ok, that doesn’t seem too bad, as long as you don’t read the next sentence and find out that what she saw was dismembered human bodies in a basin. Hmmm

  191. When two items of equipment (DTEs) are close to one another and we only use modest bit rates, we can transmit data using two-wire open lines and simple interface circuits. (One of my husbands IT books)

    Oh dear…. well I guess it is pretty simple when you get down to it

  192. “Its ok to get ideas from old recipes, but don’t copy the methods, or even the proportions!” I guess I need to update my repertoire. Thank you oh wise Facebook. I shall not forget this.

  193. pg 44 of “The Illustrated Brief History of Time” Stephen Hawking
    (really the closest book to me)

    Explanation of my love life? >>>>> “Consider a pair of twins.”
    (really the first complete sentence)
    Hilarious. And Intriguing. I love it!

  194. Hmm p45 of ‘Awakening’ is the start of Chapter 8 entitled ‘A Cry for Help’. The first actual sentence on that page is ‘We should take her to the doctor… there’s obviously something wrong’. Great.

  195. Wow.
    Quite the scary prospect – especially if you have a Bible nearby. Or a book of Greek legends.
    Neither of the love affairs ion those books ended well…

  196. Dutch book about Norway.
    “Bij helder weer ziet men mijlenver over de gespleten scherengordel en de Noordzee”.
    “With clear weather, one can see miles away over the split row of little rock islands and the North sea”

  197. “Auslese, one of the riper Pradikats in the QMP quality wine category defined by the GERMAN WINE LAW.” – Page 45 of The Oxford Companion to wine. You would think working with wine full time would be fun…& you would be wrong. It just reminds me that I have a wine exam (yes they have those) in two months time & I KNOW NOTHING!

  198. He wouldn’t have bothered to tell me all this, surely, if he were not seriously interested in me…….That kinda works!

  199. ‘His mouth was slack and a pair of hugely bucked upper teeth pushed past his lips.’ I think I’ll stay single a while longer.

  200. “But it had been nothing” (location 45 on my kindle, reading Lois Lowry, “the Giver”) Thanks for that. Now for the rest of Monday.

  201. The nearest book was a phone book. My sentence was: “Servicing all makes & models.” So basically I’m a slut.

  202. Courtesy of a book of folktales…. “The answer is: He took the goat over first and then the yam.” and now I feel dirty and scared whenever my husband walks in the room.

  203. I am a 6th grade reading teacher…I opened up the nearest book to me “The Last of the Really Great Wahangdoodles”, by Julie Andrews Edwards and my line for this was “The children hardly had time to digest this piece of information when the professor continued”…I guess I need to slow down in my teaching??

  204. Given a short demonstration of the steps, the pair could have danced any dance in the world. Victoria Hislop, The Return

    I find that deeply pleasing.

  205. so I did it– my sentence is WAY too creepy to explain my love life….
    unless you remove the word “child”: creativity and innovation form a large part of a child’s enjoyment in the play activity.

    So according to this either I’m a pedo or I enjoy the creativity in simple things… YEA I’m going with simple things…. SIMPLE THINGS!!!!

  206. “‘Stay here, mind,’ he said, unbuttoning the breast pocket of his uniform and tucking the notebook away. He waved an official forefinger at us, and disappeared into the porch.”

    Speaking from the Bones, Alan Bradley

    He disappeared into my “porch”. Nice.

  207. ” Nobody ever thinks of running for Treasurer, because all anyone cares about are the big-ticket positions like President and Vice-President.” My son’s Diary of a Wimpy Kid book lol.

  208. “For chemical emergency, spill, leak, fire, exposure or accident, call chemtrec – day or night 1-800-424-9300”. Wow, that IS an accurate assessment of my love life. Eerie. Maybe I should work instead of dorking around on the internet, it seems slightly less depressing after that experiment.

  209. “And there won’t be any real cream for it when we do get it,” says Swift Fox.

    from Margaret Atwood’s MaddAddam.
    It is way too early for me to even begin contemplating that :\

  210. “If you are using Nintendo DS software that supports gameplay over the Internet, tap this option.”

    That can’t be good.

  211. “Fluid inclusions are hollow spaces filled with fluid.” Gemstone Buying Guide. Sorry I was at work when I read this post.

  212. The closest book was manga, and the first speech bubble just said: “Poor girl….”
    Clearly I need to re-think something, but I’m not sure what.

  213. You DO realize that the closest book to me is Allie Brosh’s “Hyperbole and a Half”, right?

    “It’s so somewhat effective that I now rely on it almost exclusively when I need to get myself to do something important.”


  214. Ha! My closest book is Mayo Clinic on Alzheimer’s Disease, which results in “Either case would lead to the creation of more plaques”

  215. “‘Course you can.” Terribly simple and yet, rather profound…Guess that’s what I get for having purchased teen paranormal romance (MUST finish the freakin’ series!).

  216. “GIGANTIC FREAKING SCARECROW” (It’s all caps in the book)
    That’s what I get for keeping a RPG book in my bag. I’m not sure how it relates to my love life.

  217. “How could she be so careless about her work?” from The Copyeditor’s Handbook, 2nd edition.

  218. “Leave it to Cap’n Nemo to chase all my legit contacts in the Ring ConFed back down their holes with his hot flagged freight.”

    huh, wonder what that means?

  219. The Coin Collector’s Survival Manual, Seventh Edition. A close up of the “LIBERTY” on that same coin as shown points up the unnatural rippled effect. What the ?

  220. “Indeed, the very folly itself, while considered absolutely hideous, was welcomed as a landmark by those lost on their way home from hunting.” “The Pursuit of Love” Nancy Mitford.
    The first book on stack of books that have been sitting on the back of my desk where I left them several years ago, I literally opened to page 45 without paging to it.

  221. “Pay with Visa/Mastercard/Paypal” – Computer programming book talking about User stories.

    My wife will not like this…

  222. The book? “The No Asshole Rule.”

    Sentence #1 on page #45:
    It is also useful for convincing yourself to stop belittling others and for getting some help if you can’t stop yourself, as it can ruin not only others’ lives, but also your own.

  223. I am so totally screwed. I’m at work, so the closest book is “Who Moved My Cheese”

    Haw said “Sometimes, Hem, things change and they are never the same again.”

  224. “What could they want to ask me about?” he said.
    Book: The Princess Bride. I’m kind of scared if this is a descriptor of my love life.

  225. “SQL Server backups are often made on tape devices.”

    The fact that the nearest book is a pocket manual for an outdated version of database software probably says everything one needs to know about my love life.

  226. “Children always know when their mothers are crazy-they just never admit it, not out loud, to anyone.” Lost Lake by Sarah Addison Allen

  227. “The Accomplishing-more-with-less methodology, as you may have noticed already, is intended to be modular and flexible.” – The Accomplishing More With Less Workbook

    I . . . think I’ve just been told I have a small dick and am being given tips to compensate.

  228. Mine read “It was warm inside.”

    How would anyone know? My vagina has sealed over. Like pierced ears left too long without a stud.

  229. “I had pushed the rock to the summit, and now it felt like I was madly trying to keep ahead of the ensuing landslide.”

    I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not. However, if I’m looking for a meaningful discussion on whether this constitutes happy romantic thoughts, there’s a small chance I maybe on the wrong website.

  230. The book I have closest is a Crime Analysis textbook. The first full sentence:

    Additional ritualistic actions may include writing or carving notes to police on the body, or leaving items at, or taking items from, the crime scene.

    Not sure if I should worry about the rituals or the crime scene part of my love life.

  231. Technically this was a seed catalog and not a book, but…

    “Extra-large peanuts with rich flavor”. I can’t stop giggling.

  232. “…walk, get a massage – it doesn’t matter what, as long as it is a good, healthy outlet for when the stress of the Tension Challenge gets to be too much for you.”


  233. My nearest book said, “The woman in the black dress wept”. Hmmm, I guess this method DOES accurately describe my love life.

  234. From “The last empress” by Anchee Min:

    “I had begun to read The Romance of the Three Kingdoms, a Chinese emperor’s history of the period following the Han Dynasty, encompassing four hundred years.”

    So I’m clearly not getting any?

  235. “The underlying energy of the Wesleyan theological heritage stems from an emphasis upon practical divinity, the implementation of genuine Christianity in the lives of believers.”

    Maybe I should try again once I get home. I’m really not clear on what that means for my love life.

  236. “Give on an empty stomach, preferably at least 30 minutes before breakfast.” (Drug Formulary, 22nd Edition, 2004-2005) I’m not even a physician! Recycling book now.

  237. The only book on my desk is the 2002 National Electrical Code book…..this can’t be good….Well here goes….
    “Except as elsewhere required or permitted by this Code, live parts of electrical equipment operating at 50 volts or more shall be guarded against accidental contact by approved enclosures or by any of the following means:”

    Go ahead and figure out my love life with that one….

  238. “He was Meticulous and verged on extraordinary, but had problems with rules.” That me!

  239. Nearest book
    page 45
    first sentence:
    Be sure to list your organization’s legal name here.

    Oh darn, it is worse than the National Electrical Code Book. At least with Beth’s she should not play with someone that has over 50 volts, not sure how many a human has – lets look it up. Wow she can have a love life with any human form as according to NanoMedicine a human body can only generate between 10 and 100 millivolts.

  240. Beth–I THINK WE HAVE THE SAME BOOK OF FOLKLORE. I APPROVE. (Also I find that a hilarious coincidence.)

  241. “The ability to imagine smells, in normal circumstances, is not that common – most people cannot imagine smells with any vividness, even though they may be very good at imagining sights or sounds.” Hallucinations, by Oliver Sacks.


  242. Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire (because my son left it out where it doesn’t belong):
    “It just didn’t occur to me that we wouldn’t be able to get out at the other end.”


  243. Taking advantage of the ‘O:h woman’s apparent generosity, Romero’s aunt managed to sneak away to the Akimel O’odham villages.

    I’m not sure mine applies.

  244. Though it would be the first time Angie showed up the next morning dead in an alley and Cory would be involved in a murder investigation.

  245. “I understood neuroanatomically that my motor cortex had been affected and I was fortunate that within a few minutes, the deadness of my right arm subtly abated.”

    My love life? Is my husband my ‘dead right arm’ that I will be grateful to abate? So confuzzled.

  246. From an I/O psychology textbook: “This page intentionally left blank.”


  247. Ha ha that’s hilarious! And definitely makes me want to read your book. The book nearest to me is Nocturnes by John Connolly (a book of creepy horror stories). Top of page 45:

    ‘You got some ID?’ he asked.
    ‘Why, did I do something wrong, Officer?’ said Buddy.

    Hmm okay. So I seem to have some sort of kinky policewoman role-play going on in my love life. Interesting.

  248. Hmm. “But we broke every law it was possible to break in the desert, that was where cutting my leg had brought me, for it was the first rule I had ignored.”

    Perhaps this exercise is about your sex life in an alternate universe?

  249. “Your hair is blonde, shoulder length, and pulled back.”

    Actually, my hair is red, waist length, and flying fuzzy and free. And what that has to do with my love life is beyond me. Probably need a palm reader, a psychologist, and a dream dictionary to help figure it out. And maybe a priest.

  250. “What the scythe,” Leonard gritted, are you doing on my horse?
    Dismount at once!” Yep. sounds about right. Permission to ride, denied.

  251. “Hester perceived instantly that she had made a mistake.” A Breach of Promise, Anne Perry
    Well. That’s depressing.

  252. “Loss of control pleased James, where it made his son shudder.” – Images of Rule: Art and Politics in the English Renaissance, 1485-1649

  253. “There are four things a grown, modern woman should have…a proper muff. A big, hairy, minge”. THAT must be why I am still single! I’m going on a shaving strike starting right now.

  254. .”…publicly brand herself as an adulteress. Maybe Cecily, who was used to “ruling the King as she pleases”, and was incensed as his misalliance, was so hysterical with rage that she said the first thing she could think of that could hurt him–if, of course, she said anything at all..”

    From Alison Weir’s bio of Elizabeth of York.

    Uh. Well. I guess the ‘ruling the king as she pleases part” might apply. lol

    Thanks for the laugh!

  255. The page labeled 45: “The Transport layer doesn’t need to use a connection-oriented service (this is up to the application developer).” This is what I get for having all of the fiction on the shelf across the room. (And for thoroughness’s sake, there was also a page xlv which had “Explain the purpose of network scanners” as the first sentence, minus the punctuation, cause it was an outline.) Hrmmmm.. They could both be taken for euphemisms, I suppose.

  256. “Why don’t you want to take antidepressants?” -This made me laugh waaay too much.

    From Dissonant Disabilities: Women with Chronic Illnesses Explore their Lives

  257. The book I grabbed “the book of qualities” by J. Ruth gendler. Unfortunately page 45 was a drawing so I checked out page 44. Title Jealousy jealously stands by the blue flame of the gas stove stirring obsession stew. Ya… So I tried page 46 Title Terror. (Great). Terror is stricter than my first Latin teacher. Ugh… No wonder I’m f$&@*%g single!!

  258. The sentence I found – “Do you see what’s happening here?”
    Sheesh. I’m afraid to parse that one. I suppose I can say I expected worse. The book was “Python Programming: An introduction to computer science”

  259. “What was that damn thing? What did it want?”
    Ticktock, by Dean Koontz.
    Too fucking funny!!!!

  260. “I feel like a soccer mom,” I said. — “Bloodlines” by Richelle Mead

    If soccer moms have non-existent love lives, then BINGO!

  261. “My wife and I were taking our morning walk when the conversation turned to her mother’s drunken abuse of her as a child and a teen.” – Hope For Today

    Yep. Nailed it.

  262. ” The brigadier-general was free to mentally confess, that, of all eccentric persons he had met, none was comparable to this product of the exact sciences.” – Around the world in eighty days. Ummm, yeah. Pretty much sums it up for me! My husband definitely fits that bill!

  263. I’m reading Nelson Mandela’s Long Walk to Freedom. The first sentance on page 45 is ‘Marriages between tribes were then extremely unusual.’

    I’ve racked my brains, I can’t think of anyone within my family I would want to marry. Maybe that is where my first 2 marriages went wrong; unwittingly I had married some long distance cousin or something.


  264. “Accounting standard setters should be more accountable for their decisions because the thinking behind specific requirements should be more explicit, as should any departures from the concepts that might be included in particular accounting standards”
    New Zealand financial accounting. a textbook I paid a lot of money for and opened it about 10 times… 11 now.

  265. The Russian custom of matchmaking was regarded as something outrageous and was laughed at by everyone, the princess included. From Anna Karenina.

    Haha, the following sentence: But how a girl was to get married or be given in marriage, no one knew.


  266. “He spent the money, didn’t he?” OK, that just came out way wrong! It’s from Agatha Christie’s The Clocks.

  267. “The information captured in the service portfolio also ensures that you clearly define the services and link them to the business outcomes they support. ITIL Foundation exam study guide. HAHA

  268. Coincidentally, the nearest book to me is YOURS. So my love-life is summed up by the sentence “I did mine on tattered, paperback copies of Stephen King novels that I’d borrowed from my grandmother.”
    Thanks for so succinctly bringing focus to married life….

  269. ahh jeez I wish I wasn’t studying accounting and my nearest book would have been so much more interesting… “Note that it is only the cost of the wrapping paper sold that is matched against (and deducted from) the sales revenue in order to find the profit, not the whole of the cost of wrapping paper acquired”

    Also I just wanted to let you know that your post on depression last year deeply moved me, and I have just written my own post about my story and put a link to yours at the end for other readers to wander across to if they wish. I hope your fight is going well 🙂


  270. I’m sitting at my desk and the nearest book is a historic structure assessment of a 1912 rail yard: “No testing has been undertaken to determine the existence of asbestos or lead paint in the building as part of this report.” Oh, fooey on that. All areas of my personal life have undergone rigorous testing for hazardous materials. I can shenanigans.

  271. “Maybe none like this.” hmmm gotta ponder that one.. RL Stine Red Rain-jury is still out on whether or not I am going to finish it

  272. “Not all Doris’s sisters were like her–with such a spicy tongue.” I’m thinking this bodes really, REALLY well for my love life:). Just sayin’.

  273. “It’s so somewhat effective that I now rely on it almost exclusively when I need to get myself to do something important.” That was Allie Brosh talking about motivating herself with fear and guilt in her book Hyperbole and a Half.

    Hmm maybe this means if I am not totally in love with someone or something, my life will be meaningless and unproductive?

  274. so i did this once at home and i had a stack of 10 books all right eqi-distant from me… they were all funny. now i am at work and the closest books are the AP style writing guide: This practice should not, however, be interpreted as a license to ignore the general practice of lower-casing common noun elements of a name when they stand alone. or Business Letters for Busy People: This letter is used as a foot in the door and to request that a potential customer help the salesperson.Great. this so describes my non-existent love life…

  275. “Now he could go home and explain to the girl that nothing had happened.” Neverwhere, by Neil Gaiman.
    I’m not even sure where to start with that…

  276. “Acquired by the Roos family, it was bequeathed in 1482 by Sir Richard Roos to his niece, the Queen’s damsel and kinswoman, Eleanor Haute.”

  277. Yours is kind of scary. I’m at work and the only book I have nearby is the Yellowpages. My sentence is a bankruptcy attorney. I think I’m in trouble.

  278. Just cannot resist Facebook fun! So, here it goes, His And Hers style:

    Hers: I have this hand written book, a little lifeline I throw to myself, from my past self, who had her shit together at that moment. ( And it works, with or without the shot of tequila.) The cover jacket design is inscribed with “OH BOY” — (Not my idea, but a good one) — And it is a nice fat chunky book.
    On page 45 my past self wrote: “MORE is (necessarily) Not Better.” Some would disagree. Take my boyfriend Van for instance.

    His page 45 from a textbook at his desk: “Architectural Description identifies the system of interest whose architecture is being expressed.”

    Love life explained. He certainly is interested in expressing his architecture.

  279. Just cannot resist Facebook fun! So, here it goes, His And Hers style:

    Hers: I have this hand written book, a little lifeline I throw to myself, from my past self, who had her shit together at that moment. ( And it works, with or without the shot of tequila.) The cover jacket design is inscribed with “OH BOY” — (Not my idea, but a good one) — And it is a nice fat chunky book.
    On page 45 my past self wrote: “MORE is (necessarily) Not Better.” Some would disagree. Take my boyfriend Van for instance.

    His page 45 from a textbook at his desk: “Architectural Description identifies the system of interest whose architecture is being expressed.”

    Love life explained. He certainly is interested in expressing his architecture.

  280. “Spit it out right now!”

    I laughed out loud! Especially since the nearest book is To Kill a Mockingbird! Thank you for bringing this joy to my day 🙂

  281. “We’ve started with the principle ‘work on me first.” hmm so…I have a dirty mind.

  282. “…this is especially useful for navigation in very large tables.”

    That’s what happens when the nearest book is the Chicago Manual of Style. Now navigation ON very large tables would more interesting…

  283. LMAO
    So I did that…. My book was “Radiographic Imaging & Exposure” and the sentence was ” This secondary x-ray photon typically has very low energy and is unlikely to exit the patient.”

    My husband’s book was “Ukelele for Dummies” and the sentence was “Not all chord diagrams start at the nut.”

  284. “Then he looked me up and down pointedly, as if I were an inanimate object.”

    I’m not sure WHAT that says about me. Except I don’t think it’s good.

  285. I think that book trick only works when the book near you is some sort of fiction (or at least a memoir/biography). It does not work with a federal appropriations textbook, unless your love life involves the department of homeland security and radiological disasters.


  286. If there is one breadth indicator that has been analyzed, modified,adjusted, and discussed more than any other, the Advanced Decline Line is probably the winner….

  287. “The Chaperons emerged from the fracas triumphant, while the hostess remained contrite.” From The Deluxe Transitive Vampire: The Ultimate Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed.

  288. Jedediah Homespun up and spent a quarter to see the Simese Twins (Eng and Chang).
    Everyday Life in the 1800s by Marc McCutchen

  289. The man thought for a moment and sighed. -Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls

    Shit is rigged.

  290. Earth is the only planet in the Solar System that supports life. –Smithsonian Knowledge Encyclopedia

  291. “This problem is harder than the first problem” – Extending Children’s Mathematics: Fractions and Decimals. Well that bodes well…

  292. “You should perform the physical examination systematically and efficiently.”

    Well that’s not very romantic now is it?

  293. “No, he was an important part of my life; I like talking about him. Remembering him.”

    …..and I’m depressed now. Thanks for the accuracy, book.

  294. “Most of us have heard of movie critics like Roger Ebert, Joel Siegel, and Leonard Maltin, but what about David Manning of the Ridgefield Press?” – Wow… Now I’m even more confused about my love life. Or, my severe long-lasting lack of one.

  295. “This is one of the most spectacular ways of getting down”.

    Very glad that Break Dancing: Let Colin and Venol Show You How was closer on the shelf than any of these outdated tech books. 🙂

  296. The closest book is a board book called “Max Drives Away”. It has 14 pages. The next closest is “The Master and Margarita” in French (what’s with the translations?). So, it’s a quote from Faust: “Qui es-tu donc, a la fin? Je suis une partie de cette force qui, eternellement, veut le mal, et qui, eternellement, accomplit le bien.” It really doesn’t get better with translation, so let’s just leave it at that.

  297. “Marriages between tribes were then extremely unusual.” (Mandela’s autobiography)

    Kind of appropriate, because I’m Romani, and marriages outside of the Romani community are unusual, but I married a non-Romani person anyway.

  298. “In particular, think about your performance challenge, and notice what your internal voice has to say.”

    Huh. This sounds like a Viagra ad. Is their erectile dysfunction in my future?

  299. “The tax code dictates much longer periods to write off real estate.” (Tax Savvy for Small Business Owners)

    I’m open for interpretation on that, folks.
    And if we’re talking about eBooks; the screen size, resolution, font size, and window size pretty much dictate what the first sentence will be on page 45, so… not an option I guess 😉

  300. “Now, more than ever, I long for my life to have more heft.” from This turns my Heart.
    Hell yeah, who doesn’t like heft!

  301. Sadly my book didn’t have that page….it was Old MacDonald had a Farm that my son had left next to my computer. Perhaps that means that my love life is yet to be defined? Hopefully it doesn’t mean it’s nonexistent!

  302. From The Country Girls by Edna O’Brien – “She is coming, said Declan. Isn’t she Martha? ”

    It’s complicated!

  303. One of the reasons I love my life is that it took a little over a minute, and serious consideration of getting a measuring tape, to figure out which book was actually closest to me. After all that, the sentence (“‘Who brought that?’ I asked.”) was anti-climactic.

  304. “Straight, narrow lines of ice-crystal clouds typically produced by aircraft at altitudes colder than -25℉(-31℃), contrails occur in nearly saturated atmospheric conditions when aircraft emit water droplets that immediately freeze.”

    It’s all relative I guess, I’m really a warm person when you get to know me.

  305. “Youth who have French as a first language and who study in francophone schools seem to feel it is more important to stage a large even including participants who might inevitably speak English at some point, rather than holding a small event completely in French.” (Nilan & Feixa)

    I’m not sure how to interpret this. Am I destined for international love, or should I invite many participants rather than embrace monogamy? Oh academic reading.

  306. hmmmm…”Take the butter goo from earlier and rub it over the sides and top of the loaf.” hmmm….strangely enough I can see a corellation to my love life. (from…The Sweet Potato Queens Big-Ass Cookbook and Financial Planner)

  307. “On a plain in Africa, a herd of zebras peacefully eats grass.” Um…not sure how to interpret this one…

  308. “I listened to what she said, but it didn’t process”. So true. I am a terrible listener and taker of advice, I just wing it and do everything my own way. Sometimes that’s good, other times not so much.

    (From Hooked on Murder, a book combining crochet and mystery detection)

  309. “Nobody ever thinks about running for Treasurer, because all anyone ever cares about are the big-ticket positions like President and Vice President.” – Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney

  310. “We could be the last people left.” Very doomsday-ish but I’m ok with that. Married almost 21 years. 🙂

  311. Well mine was, “Ensure that you know all of the grammar for section 1E, especially the forms of uolo and fero and the endings of all imperatives.” My husband’s was, “It would put spotter aircraft in the vicinity of his crime,” Not sure whether this says more about our love life, the concept of the game, or what the hell kind of books we have on our coffee table.

  312. Hahahaha! The nearest book was Fk It Therapy (great read, by the way!) and the sentence was ‘What’s the worst thing that could happen if you just started saying Fk it bigtime?’

  313. OK, I’ll bite, so here’s mine (from The Quantum Universe: Everything That Can Happen Does Happen):
    “We’ve now set up a framework within which we can explore quantum theory in detail.”
    So invoking Schrödinger’s cat maybe I’m both in a relationship and not in a relationship as long as I don’t look at it (too hard?!).

    [Well at least it has got cats in it…]

  314. “Marcus offers him the knife.” from Divergent by Veronica Roth. Shit. I’ve got some thinking to do.

  315. “Questions 1 through 3 are based on the passage below.” From 2013 GRE Premier, by Kaplan. Yes, that explains everything.

  316. I have two books sitting on top of each other.
    “Went to a party, took some pills and liquor, ended up in a coma.” or
    “It was basically taboo”
    Either option is pretty yuck.

  317. “Apply pressure with your hand to the flailed area.” NOLS wilderness medicine.

    Apply pressure. With your hand. I’m okay with this!

  318. Considering the book I am currently reading I was a little hesitant to read the first sentence on page 45. However, it probably is the most beautiful line in the entire book:

    “Memories are woven tapestries hiding hard walls – tell me, my friends, what hue your favoured thread, and I in turn, will tell you the cast of your soul…”

  319. Does an atlas count? “United States of America and Canada”

    Well I DID have a long distance gf from Illinois (I live in Denmark)..

  320. “She just shook her head indicating the negative, then laid it down on the bicep of her outstretched arm”

    I… No. That is NOT how it goes.
    Or is it?
    Damn you and your creepy insights into my life!

  321. “For Nathan, it is a moment of poise, in which he must balance what he knows and what he should not know” From Jim Grimsley’s “Dream Boy”. Poor Nathan!

  322. Much like Sharron, the book nearest me is a book of ghosts stories. Also, I. Don’t like doing these anymore because the last time I tried it, page 45 was blank.

  323. With so many trees in the city, you could see the spring coming each day until a night of warm wind would bring it suddenly in one morning.- Hemingway

    Not a guy known for his great relationships. Had 4 wives and killed himself. But the passage is nice.

  324. The Nellie, a cruising yawl, swung to her anchor without a flutter of the sails, and was at rest. -Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness. Yep, sounds about on par for my love life!

  325. my book was Hell Hath No Curry by Tamar Myers. The line was “You really think so?” and it explains my love life so perfectly

  326. Oh dear, I can’t even type this properly: Assume that an infinite sheet of electric surface current density J[bar; sub-s] = J[sub-o]x[hat] A/m is placed on the z=0 plane between free-space for z<0, and a dielectric with epsilon = epsilon [sub-r]epsilon[sum=0] for z>0.

    Though for us that might actually explain a lot.

  327. When I did this, the only thing on page 45 was a picture of George Harrison. I didn’t know HOW to interpret that.

  328. A close relationship will also mean protection from the other members of the pride – Life of Pi. Well I’m not a pack animal I guess ……….

  329. hmmm, not sure what this says about my relationships, I’m going to cut off their heads or are they cutting off mine?
    From Zealot by Reza Aslan:
    “Indeed, Jesus may have regularly set eyes upon the man who would one day cut off the head of his friend and mentor, John the Baptist, and seek to do the same to him.”

  330. the closest book to me at the moment is my Criminal Justice book, so this isn’t sounding promesing. lets see pg 45.
    “Another sociologist, American Robert K. Merton, expanded on Durkeim’s ideas in his own theory of strain.”
    umm what does this say about my love life?

  331. “He thought about the matter for several days.” YUP SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT. (From The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, which had me pretty nervous.)

  332. “It had the density of a dwarf-motherfucking-star and at times he was a hundred percent sure it would drive him mad.” The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. I’ll take it!

  333. Finished your book, then rummaged through your blog, followed the ‘advice’ above, I’m german, guess what…

  334. I don’t know why a Mexican cookbook was next to the keyboard, but the first sentence on p. 45 says: “These are the most attractive salsa flavors I know: tangy (almost citrusy) from the tomatillos, smoky and hot from the chipotles, and sweetly aromatic from the roasted garlic.”

    Apparently, my love life is a lot better than I thought.

  335. The closest book to me is a fairy coloring book. There aren’t 45 pages and I don’t even have kids. . .Yeah, that sums me up I think.

  336. “The police station is probably not high on your list of places to visit-but Bangor’s may be the exception.” The book is CURIOUS NEW ENGLAND.

  337. “This Act makes it a criminal offence to misdescribe an article for sale.”
    Remind me to get any future lonely hearts ads proof read by a solicitor. (CF6 Mortgage Advice text book, oh yay)

  338. I like mine, though I don’t know what it says about my love life. “Lulu had photographed them all, the saints and the sinners, watched over by the patron saint of the city, Saint Francis of Assisi, from his shrine down on Vallejo Street.” (Ripper, Isabel Allende)

  339. “Ah, you rascal, you rascal! I’ll get the better of you!” ejaculated Selifan as he sat up and gave the lazy one a cut with his whip.
    Uh…I guess that’s what I get for reading 19th century Russian literature. From Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol.

  340. except it actually says “wife” Frau is wife in German, not husband. Everyone in Germany now thinks your great-great aunt was gay. Its a good thing they’ve gotten more tolerant over there :0)

  341. OK, this is good. It’s “Banksy – Wall and Piece”. Page 45 is a picture, captioned “Council House, Bristol 2001”. The first sentence on the facing page is “Wearing your jeans two sizes too big so they hang low off your ass in a gangsta fashion was invented in Los Angeles”.

    At my age, I’m not going to start doing that.

  342. ” In myth and story we find that the consequences for and entity attempting to break, bend or alter the operating mode of The Ineffable is to be chastened, either by having to endure diminished ability in the world of mystery and magic- such as apprentices who are no longer allowed to practice – or lonely exile from the land of the Gods, or a similar loss of grace and power through bumbling, crippling, or death.” Sheesh. I don’t think I should have participated….

  343. Ok I know these comments are old but I have to share. I love you and read you religiously. What this usually means is I’m huddled in bed and crying I’m laughing so hard, tears streaming down my face while my husband tries to discern what’s happening with me. This morning, he references the term “junk o’clock”. We ponder where on earth we heard that. My lovely husband says I found it hysterical and I told him about it. This leads me to the only place that I would have found “junk oclock”, your blog. Now, you have a wonderfully handy search bar and I search “junk o’clock”. Lo and behold, it brings me to the exact thread it’s on, and the best part, it’s not even yours, it’s a blog post you referenced on Sunday wrap up!

  344. Bruce encouraged me to speak up about everything, to say what I liked and didn’t. (from God Never Blinks by Regina Brett)

    Um. Hmm. I like everything but the Bruce part. There’s no way I’m getting involved with a Bruce. (Not because of any like or dislike of the name, but I don’t think there are all that many women named Bruce.)

  345. The nearest book to me was Brandon Sanderson’s Shadows Of Self. The sentence was “I need you to stay behind as we go into those slums.” WHY CAN’T I GO INTO THE SLUMS?! And why was the person saying the sentence talking to his hat? I think this means that I’m going to wind up left behind and crazy.

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