Fuck Valentine’s Day

Hi.  Today is Valentine’s Day and that means you either spend all day wondering if your significant other is going to get you something, or you spend the day poisoning the roses that all the other girls in your office got.  This is ridiculous because Valentine’s Day is pretty much just made up to sell shit, and also because roses are slow to react to poison and so you’re much better off just putting them in the microwave for a few minutes while your coworkers are at lunch.  But empty out the water first because otherwise it’ll boil and then you have to come up with a reason why you have second-degree burns on your palms and then you end up in the hospital.  No.  Instead, realize that this is a ridiculous non-holiday made to make everyone feel insecure about their relationships or lack thereof and instead use this day to do something lovely and sweet for yourself.

For Valentine’s Day this year I’m giving myself the gift of watching foreign horror movies for the next four hours.  Victor’s giving himself the gift of yelling at me to turn down the TV because there’s too much screaming leaking into his conference call.  EVERYONE WINS.

Your turn.  Forgive yourself for something.  Treat yourself.  Remind yourself of something nice you like about yourself.  Buy yourself a drink and let you take yourself home for a nice bubble bath and a wheel of cheese.  Make home-made fondu and dip everything in the house in it.  Dress your cats up and pretend they’re throwing a surprise party for you.  Whatever.  Just do something nice for you.  Because you’re worth it.  Trust me on this one.

This is for you.  And I REALLY love tacos.

I made this for you.  And I REALLY love tacos.

265 replies. read them below or add one

  1. http://vimeo.com/59956490
    That’s awesome! :) Absolutely! I saw this video today, and I think this is the type of love we all need instead of Valentine’s Day.

  2. Poisoning / nuking the flowers of your office mates. This is absolute brilliance.

  3. Even more than a Dorito’s cool ranch taco?

  4. Thank you Jenny! I love you more than tacos, too.

  5. Thanks, Jenny. This was needed. <3

  6. I agree. Fuck Valentines Day. Let’s call it another ME day and all be happy!

    Rhonda recently posted Keep Your Religious Freedom. I Prefer Fair Treatment For Everyone..

  7. I used to tell my ex all I wanted for v-day was to get laid. One year he made me a lasagna. One year he brought strawberries. He never wanted to get laid though. He had issues.
    Fast forward to my current husband, we don’t celebrate it at all but we will probably still get laid tonight anyway. Yay!

  8. I also appreciate that Pinterest is adding “Making moms feel like shit about their inability to craft complicated valentines for their children” the list of v-day insecurities.

  9. I just completed a good ol fashioned “cry your eyes out for no damn reason” at my desk at work. Have to be at a meeting in 2 minutes…this totally made everything all better!

  10. Love it! Valentine’s Day is crap.

  11. My husband gave me a cell phone charger for Valentine’s Day. Nothing says “I love you” quite like a cell phone charger, right? I was especially excited about this gift, because he also gave me a cell phone charger for Christmas. Fuck you, Val Kilmer.

  12. I was feeling low, so I bought this bitchin’ teapot. http://www.etsy.com/listing/171951407/namaste-sloth-teapot-discounted-second I feel loads better now.

  13. I kind of like the sentiment about Val Kilmer. The early one, not the pudgy guy.

  14. I bought myself new pink Converse sneakers for Valentine’s Day. I chose pink just because I wanted pink, not because pink is a Valentine-y color. I look FABULOUS in my new sneaks, so they’re like a V-day gift to everyone who sees me.

    Shelley J recently posted Beauty "don'ts" from the girl who did.

  15. I have been watching movies that include ‘Seal Team’ in the title or description, a pot of coffee all to myself, and knitting. Can we please add a ‘fuck winter’ to the sentiment as well?

  16. <3 I cannot leave the house because I got a bad cold ..(for more than 1 week now :( ) and I finally realized that my so called best friend is not more my best friend. I bored to death (because of my cold) and I’m really want to go outside .. do.. something.. .. yeeah best day of the year.. so far

  17. Saw your comment about Facebook trying to change “Valentine’s Day” to “Val Kilmer.” I’m thinking FB just wants Mr. Kilmer to get lucky today.

  18. Ahhh, love. I gave my husband a huge heart filled with Almond Roca. He shared it with the our daughter, who thanked him, unwrapped the roca and popped it into her mouth. She savored the candy for approximately 10 seconds before she spit it into her hand and demanded to know what fresh hell is this?

    I don’t the the roca gene kicks in until you’re over 40.

  19. I’m ok even though I’m lonely and scared that I will make more stupid mistakes in my life and that I’ll be alone forever. I’ll be happy again someday. I’ll try to start today.

  20. Awwwww…I love you (and tacos), too Jenny!!!!! And I so want to try the roses in the microwave thing. Now where do they keep the oven mitts around here…..

  21. I’m giving myself the gift of staying in bed all fucking afternoon, in my pajamas, writing shit that I will like, dammit, because it’s Valentine’s Day which should really be about everyone just loving themselves. Thanks, Jenny. You should totally have a taco on me!

    marydpierce recently posted Weekly Photo Challenge: Object.

  22. I love you.

  23. I’d give myself the gift of peeing alone, but that’s impossible until the kids leave for college. Even then, I almost think they would swing by the house to invade my privacy some more, just to spite me.

  24. My awesome friend came up with what I think is the best way to celebrate Valentine’s Day from here on out:

    “The joyful (if not entirely accurate) purpose is to celebrate love, and to remind us of all the different types of love that we all enjoy everyday. Love is not just about having found your one and only– it’s about the neighbors who hold hands on park benches, and air kisses from kittycats, and the way a 3-year-old holds your hand.
    To achieve this goal better, I suggest flipping the holiday around and forbidding all things love.
    Turning Valentine’s day into a no-love holiday would be an interesting twist because we all know how nothing makes people celebrate something more than forbidding it.”

    I’m in….

    http://rarasaur.wordpress.com/2014/02/12/fixing-valentines-day/

  25. I like Valentine’s Day every four years when I get to spend it at the Olympics. Actually working at this one, so I brought a box of Truth or Dare cards that kids would take to school and gave them to coworkers. I’ve been waiting for those who chose Dare to start walking around like gorillas or give a cowboy yell. Also gave myself the treat of a walk on the beach and a nap. Not the worst day ever.

  26. My wheel of cheese and I will be thinking of you while we’re in the tub tonight… :)

  27. I found the box of candy my husband bought (he knows the repercussions of forgetting to buy Russell Stover before they sell out) and ate it all YESTERDAY. So take THAT V-Day.

    I’m a rebel like that.

  28. Made cookie dough brownies for my hubby & son. Brought extra to work and one of the guys described them as “The crack cocaine of brownies…first one’s free!”, so that was nice.

  29. My valentine was supposed to be my dog and even he snubbed me so for my lovely Valentines snow day I will be watching House of Cards on Netflix for 650 consecutive minutes :-) Way better than roses.

  30. Thanks. Cuz I’m totally single and not happy about effn v-day

  31. My boyfriend asked what I wanted for Valentines. I told him I wanted a normal night at home. He suggested normal night at home with extra wine. I’m calling that a win.

  32. My friend and I sang a song for all the singles on Valentine’s Day (though if you’re not single, you can still listen I suppose ;) ) http://moadeep.tumblr.com/post/76613274663/diamond-thighs-and-i-want-to-wish-a-happy

  33. Tacos are the best. Especially with sour cream.

  34. I’m gonna pick up some tacos for lunch. Because now I want them. And maybe some beer because, beer.

  35. Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

    Jenny Williams recently posted Gender Stereotypes in Toys.

  36. I bought my partner a pound of the See’s Candy raspberry creams. Nothing in the box except those. What’s that, you say? Yes, they DO happen to be my favorite See’s Candy flavor. Yes, I will have one. Thanks!

  37. My husband is traveling, and we don’t do much for Valentine’s Day anyway, so I have a great big steak just waiting to be cooked with broccoli and a decadent cheese sauce (he hates broccoli) and a great big bottle of wine just for me! :-)

  38. Dear Sweet Mama and I are having liquor drinks and nibblies. We are each other’s date. And Mama’s teeth and face are numb.

  39. Thank you for putting yet another way that I feel into awesome words. Valentine’s Day never makes me feel any different regardless of whether I’m in a relationship or not. I never have expectations and I never feel let down. Well, not any more than on any other day. But it passes me off that as you so perfectly said – it’s a holiday to make people feel insecure about their relationships or lack thereof and who wants to celebrate that?? I hate seeing my friends get sad over felt heart cards and mediocre chocolate. Love deserves to be celebrated any and every day in some little way <3

  40. Valentine’s Day isn’t that bad! It’s also not a made up holiday :< Or rather, it is a real thing but now it’s a holiday that is badly commercialized and makes a lot of people feel upset and insecure, which is unfortunate. I’ve never dated anyone who cared about it, but that never made me hate it! positive thinking Tonight I am making ham and potatoes in the crock pot for my boyfriend and me, because we’ve had that crock pot for almost a year and still haven’t used it! Dinner will be delicious.

  41. *pisses not passes hehehe

  42. You’re the awesomest, Jenny!! Here’s to overpriced chocolate day ;)

  43. I figure— I love my husband everyday and that’s gift enough. The man should be happy with that, he’s kinda a nerd and I’m a total babe. LMAO– I really don’t think that highly of myself or that low of him. We only do things for the kids today, we know where we stand with each other. Enjoy your day!!! Tacos are delicious– you must really love your fans. I don’t think I would ever love anyone that much.

    YourMotherIsADirtyGirl recently posted If You Are Faking It, It’s Your Own Fault. Say What?.

  44. You are amazing.

    I’m sitting on the couch while my sweetie is at work. He called on break to say another coworker got flowers delivered– he works at KFC so this was something unusual lol. I’m not expecting anything but flowers would be nice :)

    Happy love day! I love YOU lol

  45. Haven’t ‘done’ Valentines Day in 20 yrs. Stopped when I happened to be in the grocery store one Valentines Day and noticed the exceedingly sad/depressed/miserable men in lonnnnnnnnnnnnng lines waiting to pay for the chocolates/stuffed animals/flowers. I realized it’s a Hallmark holiday made up strictly for making men feel guilty and women entitled.

    Blech.

    awesomesauciness recently posted Maybe There Are 50 Ways….

  46. We should change it to give love to everyone day.
    I am giving love to random strangers. Paid for coffee for girl behind me in line. Gave homeless man some money and a luv pop. Gave a cop chocolates. Gave random lady in hall a compliment. It doesnt have to be a commercial holiday if you don’t want it to be. Do a random act of love today and brighten someone elses day. It will be totally unexpected and actually remembered and appreciated.

  47. 48
    Gretta Stoned

    I love you more than there is cat hair on my clothes! My hubby has to work tonight, I love him and all but I think a Friday night alone to fart while I do situps and singing off key watching Les Miserablesounds sounds absolutely wonderful! Thank you very much.

  48. I gave up on Valentine’s Day back in high school when all of the popular would receive flowers and teddy bears inside balloons — delivered to the classroom! I love the idea about doing something lovely for myself. I think I’ll go outside and read “Serenity: Leaves on the Wind #1″ now. And drink some wine. But not until after I clock out (maybe).

  49. *girls
    popular girls, ugh!

    Mellisa recently posted I Love My Readers.

  50. I agree, a day should not make you feel bad or put so much pressure on you. My husband and I are celebrating by eating pizza with our kids and watching the Olympics. Tomorrow we may get some chocolate when they are on sale. I always get something for my kids but I have never been big on spending money on Valentines. You should not need a specific day to show you love someone, that should be any day. Also, now maybe we will have tacos instead.

  51. My husband & I hate Valentine’s Day. It’s much nicer when he surprises me by cleaning the house or having dinner ready when I have long work/class days. Screw flowers: they die. Chocolates? I can get those whenever the f*** I want.

    And now I want some freakin tacos. Mexican food for dinner!

  52. St. Valentine was also the patron saint of beekeepers and plague victims.
    So releasing an army of genetically modified plague bees is TOTALLY APPROPRIATE.

  53. I bet that graphic is a disappointment to Victor’s burrito.

    Always Home and Uncool recently posted She is Love: My Musical Oasis for Valentine’s Day.

  54. 55
    Lisa Victoria

    Personal retail therapy. I bought new underpants. I also got a hand scribbled love note before I left for work. Yay me.
    Happy Hallmark Day Jenny. Rock that movie marathon :)

  55. I’m donating platelets today… but Korean horror movies are next on my to do list :D

  56. My 6 y.o. has just started reading independently and read this over my shoulder. He just to.d me that he does NOT love me more than tacos.

  57. Roses are slow to react to poison. This is good to know. Happy Valentines Day, Jenny! You are my favorite sweet, silly person I’ve never met.

    Steph recently posted I’m Not Awkward. I’m Just…Squeaky..

  58. I can’t love this post enough. Thank you Jenny!

  59. I love you more than bacon! Regardless if my husband gives me anything, I’m still buying myself a bottle of champagne. I shall celebrate all of the love I give. To everyone. All of the time, not just today or that other made up “holiday”, Sweetest Day.

  60. I don’t get to give myself any gifts today, because I’m frantically trying to complete a work project by Monday night and we are moving tomorrow. And I quit drinking till the project is done.

    So my belated Valentine’s Day gift to myself will be wine in the bathtub at the new house, after the project is handed in. Even if that’s 10 am on Monday.

    Melania recently posted Stone, sun, snow: a white city.

  61. I spent yesterday: (1) crying in my office for a good chunk of the day; and (2) putting on a big awesome “look how professional and not-fucked-up I am” presentation for the rest of it. So, today, I am giving myself a whole boatload of gifts, including not going to work, red lipstick for no good reason, and, later, Chardonnay, potato chips, and chocolate.

    And, Jenny, I love you more than tacos also, even though I don’t know you and even though I really adore tacos. Mmmmmm….tacos….

  62. for valentine’s day, i’m going to be a bitch to everyone and call it tough love.

    Simone recently posted Are book trailers worth it?.

  63. Best VD ever! Wait. That’s the worst, yet most appropriate, shortened form of a holiday name I’ve ever seen.

    My sister-in-law will be in town this weekend. This is a treat for me because she likes My Little Pony as much as I do. Yup… Gonna geek out about a kids’ show with a teenager.

    I got a good start to the day when I ate three servings of hashbrowns. Winning! Also my husband made a red velvet cake – from scratch – with homemade cream cheese icing. I don’t think he made it with the specific intention of getting laid, but he knows that cake makes me hot.

    Katy Bug recently posted Behold, My Birthday Cake!.

  64. Husband and I planned something unconventional – He agreed to come with me tonight to see Mr Alton Brown, one of my heroes, live during his tour. Have been excited about the show for 4 months now, ever since I bought the tickets.
    Except NOOOOO. The dentist who did the beginnings of his root canal last week fucked up, and the remainder of his tooth is literally crumbling. He can’t eat, he’s freaking out, and he sees the dentist again in 2 hours.
    FUCK THIS DAY.

  65. Once a Valentine’s Day worked out for me. One time. Out of how many? I’m not saying. That’s my gift to myself.

    Janet Coburn recently posted Valentine’s Day. Bleah..

  66. Instead of buying chocolate for my-single-self I took that would be wasted money and donated it to the ASPCA. Those little buggers need more love than I do! And now I have a good feeling in my heart and a smile on my face for helping those that need it instead of feeling lonely on a dumb corporate holiday!

  67. I love this. Love is more than just romantic love! This isn’t a horror movie, but I went up to 35 strangers and said “I love you”….see what happens. I think it will make you smile..Love is everywhere. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HySFe0YCUzo

  68. Tacos? THIS IS THE BEST VALENTINE’S DAY EVER!!! Sadly, that’s a true statement… A common Valentine’s Day is like one I had college. My ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me two months before so he could date other girls, drunk dialed me with a bunch of his friends to hurl insults at me. On Valentines Day. Awesome.

    On slightly different note, my ideal Valentine’s Day gift is this simple: a cozy mystery paperback, a tin of Republic of Tea Strawberry Chocolate tea, and a box of shortbread cookies. Really people, it’s not that hard. Keep the roses, chocolates and jewelry (yeah, I said it!). I wouldn’t turn down the teddy bear, though…

    …or a Chalupa…

  69. wow…………….lots of bitter people out there! Valentine’s Day is just another chance to let someone special really know they’re special.

  70. I had already decided to read this book I started about a guy who is frozen from Roman Times and reanimated in the 20th century. He was a bad ass gladiator now wreaking havoc in future times. That’s sort of like horror movies.

  71. Happy Lupercalia! Ancient festivals are way more fun than Hallmark Holidays. They probably go better with horror movies, too.

  72. Happy V Day to you as well. My guy was laughing at me yesterday for yelling at the radio. There was a commercial on and they were saying “just because she says she doesn’t want anything doesn’t mean it’s true. So, buy her a gazillion carat diamond pendant!” I was screaming “No! If she says she doesn’t want anything, perhaps it because she REALLY doesn’t want anything! And if she does, it is her own fault for not being honest and she should go get it herself!” My guy came into the room laughing and asked if I was having a good day. I gave him my apologies and said that I forget that I am not the only one who works from home and that the guy on the radio can’t really hear me. So, we will have a quiet V Day, ’cause I am turning off the radio. That guy on the radio is not invited.

  73. So I have the whole first-vday-with-new-beau thing going on this year. And that’s cool and all – I got him a Doctor Who shirt he’s been ogling for the last month. I don’t know if he got me anything… don’t really care if he got me anything. I don’t need anything. It’s just like Christmas – don’t get me stuff. I don’t need stuff. I have more than enough stuff. With the weather the way it is, I’ll be happy if he just makes it here in one piece. But no fancy schmancy dinners and roses bullshit. I refuse to set foot near a restaurant on Valentine’s Day. I’m ordering pizza and the kids and I are renting some movies and we’re all going to snuggle into the living room with fuzzy blankies and hot cocoa and be safe and cuddly and warm and loved. And that’s what this day should be about anyway.

    Lynette recently posted I suck at blogging.

  74. I agree…FUCK VD! Oh wait, I meant Valentines Day. They both suck though so it works either way ;)

  75. My husband offered to take me out to dinner to celebrate and I was like, “Hell no!” because we’re on a weight loss program (husband has lost 23 pounds, I’ve lost 17) and I didn’t want to derail the weight loss train. But that’s okay, because I chose not to go out.

  76. I had my first appointment with a psychopharmacologist last night and just returned from the pharmacy with medication in-hand. For this year’s Valentine’s Day, I’m taking back control of my fucking life. I’ll take terrified-but-hopeful over simply hopeless all day long.

    Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone. XO

  77. Can’t wait for the pics of the cats dipped in chocolate.

  78. 80
    Sandy Holcomb

    I <3 you more than tacos, too. Best VD post I’ve seen this year. Maybe ever. Probably ever. Definitely ever.

  79. Roses in the microwave?? You’re making me wish I actually had to work today and it’s been a record breaking craptastic week.

    As always, thank you for the belly giggle. I heart you!!

  80. I wouldn’t have the wheel of cheese IN the bubble bath. That could get messy. Also, don’t include your cats in the fondue dipping of everything in your house. They get all screamy about it.

    Stephanie Cleary recently posted Detox days of summer??.

  81. So true! I wrote a similar post along these lines. Opting out of the made-up holidays is the way to go!! Have fun watching your horror movies!

  82. The wheel of cheese and bottle of wine are seductively waiting for me at home. So deep in love.

  83. I have repurposed Valentines day into VD (my day) and it is now to celebrate everything awesomely different about yourself. So bust out your nerd shirts and your weird animal calls. It’s time to let your freak flag fly!

  84. What a dumb holiday, right? But we love you more than unicorns. Fine. As much as anyway!

    The Dose of Reality recently posted Pinterest Nightmare #350: The TwoDaLoo.

  85. You must put “Cockneys vs Zombies” on your viewing list.

  86. Posts like this makes me feel so warm. We’re like those adorable sea otters floating around on the great wide internets. And sometimes you reach out to us, to remind us we’re not alone, to say “It’s okay to be lost, I’m lost too!” And maybe all of us can be lost together as one big scary otter made raft. The point is, thank you for being our otter, even if you are the one carrying that rock.. I’ll sleep better (albeit one eye open) knowing you’re around Bloggess.

  87. Splendid Smithers! I lurve it!

  88. You must put “Cockneys vs Zombies” on your viewing list. It is amazeballs.

  89. I bought myself a Keurig for Valentine’s Day. I’m going to get over caffeinated and watch un-romantic movies all night. FTW!

  90. I’m having a pizza dinner with my parents, my husband, and my niece and nephew. Then my husband and I are going to grab a free Starbucks drink and go grocery shopping because no one else will be there (the grocery store, that is). I am giving myself the gift of wonderful company, not yelling at myself for the unhealthy dinner choice, and a dinner conversation about dinosaurs and cupcakes. I hate this day every year because I buried my godfather this day 9 years ago and I miss him SO MUCH, but the kids might make the day worthwhile to me.

  91. Thank goodness! The permission I’ve always needed to dress the cats up! They’ll be so pleased to wear their Star Wars costumes again.

    kstewand4cats recently posted Do-overs, Fuzzy hugs, and Accommodations Oh My!.

  92. Ok I wait tables – which you should avoid if at all possible – and I can’t even tell you how crappy it is to work on Valentines Day. So much pressure – the women never seem happy and the guys are miserable because I work in a place that is all “fancy” so no one can relax. Servers call V-Day “amatuers night”. Stay home and eat pizza and watch a movie with your favorite friend, cat, your own good company OR if you have a significant other cut them a break and just relax and stay in instead of going for “Hallmark” gold!

    thetattootourist recently posted Love is a Battlefield – and Here are the Tattoos to Prove it!.

  93. I told my husband Danny, not to buy me any roses this year.
    I’ve been skiing since my double mastectomy, but I’ve been completely released into the wild and can’t wait to lace up my hockey skates! That’s how I want to celebrate.
    Happy Valentine’s Day!

  94. I bought myself some flowers (they were a fund raiser for a local charity) cuz my hubby doesn’t buy them, which is fine….
    Until this morning.
    Switchboard: we have a delivery for you
    Me: OK must be from my mom
    Looked at the envelope with handwriting that looked like hubby’s nun trained scrawl & about passed out.

  95. I put the holiday to good use by posting 47 Valentine Corgis on my blog. A Corgi, unlike a man, will never let you down. http://thedailycorgi.blogspot.com/2014/02/a-very-corgi-valentines-day.html

  96. I was feeling crappy because of a work thing so jumped over to your site and read “forgive yourself for something” and it was the EXACT thing I needed to turn the crap around. Shake it off….move on…love life again. Thanks Jenny! I’m glad you are making yourself a great day as your are for others!

  97. I’ve always believed that Valentine’s Day was a made-up holiday. I don’t want a last minute gift because my SO has been bombarded by ads. I want to know everyday that I am loved.

    Nothing for today, but tomorrow I am going to the state’s largest used book sale!

    Sue recently posted Don't mess with my weekend..

  98. Already celebrated with the Tiger, both for her birthday last night and today. It probably works best when you treat every day like Valentine’s Day, not for buying flowers and crap, but for always treating it as an opportunity to be loving to your partner. I wish we could have a special dinner tonight, but my work schedule has me closing every night (last night’s 7:30 was the earliest I get out all week) so we’ll have to make do with lunch together today (she had a halfday off for physical therapy). The big thing is that each of us knows the other loves us desperately.

  99. I ordered my fella a card about farting from the internet (it’s funny ’cause I’m pregnant so it’s true). It didn’t show. So I gave him some chocolate. Our toddler gave us a cold each, bless.

    Fella says he’s going to get me more 1/2 price chocolate tomorrow. Anyone else planning to celebrate the 15th Feb?

  100. Oh, Jenny. I love you but I don’t understand the whole anti-valentine movement. (Of which there are admittedly many participants- someone pissed in the Cheerios of 85% of my FB friends this morning.) St.Valentine’s day is not about grand gestures. It’s about taking a moment to show love to the ones you care about- your friends, your kids, your spouse, your grandma, your cats. And before you say it- yes, I know people should do that all year long. And they do. But it is also nice, at least for me, to set aside some time especially for that, because I am not perfect and sometimes I am only half-listening to my kids or putting off calling my grandma. I think that’s true for everyone. I don’t “need” valentine’s day to do something nice. But I like it.
    Not everyone does and I appreciate that. And if that’s the case, don’t celebrate it, and I sincerely hope you have a wonderful day doing whatever it is you want to do. But what is the point of getting on FB and making a point of saying how awful it is? Yes, people get lonely on valentine’s day. They also get lonely on Christmas. And New Year’s Eve. And yet, you don’t see (many) people getting online and saying “Fuck Christmas” or “New year’s eve sucks and you’re all losers for buying into it”. I don’t understand the hate and vitriol spewed toward people who feel differently. (And I’m not talking about you specifically, just in general.)
    My family celebrates. My husband came home to see us for a couple hours after working 16 hours straight and before going in for another 16. He brought the kids each a chocolate bar. He brought me three boxes of fruit roll-ups. We had coffee together. My eight year old built a bunny snowman right outside the window of my wheelchair-bound bunny loving grandmother. Tonight the kids and I will make ice cream sundaes with my sister, who is my best friend. I guess we’ve gone commercial.

    Alicia recently posted Hairspray.

  101. Plague bees! That’s great. Thanks for the laugh and the love.

    Kelly recently posted The walking dead and loyal dogs.

  102. 104
    lonely ocean

    Thank you for expressing my feelings exactly!! f@$k Valentine’s Day. My husband died 9 weeks ago. He showered me with love every day, and our last Valentine’s Day together was beautiful. I miss him more than I thought possible. I am giving myself the gift of wallowing in misery (just for today), with a hot bath, red wine, junk food and a trashy sci-fi movie. Because wine. Also, thank you to the Bloggess for all the ways that your honesty keeps me believing that there is a way through this depression and a life worth the effort somewhere on the other side …

  103. pfft Valentines along with Christmas Easter and any other “holiday” me and mine don’t celebrate it instead we treat every day like its a holiday (within reason since we can’t go slagging off work higglely pigglely) we just try not to kill each other and so far after a decadeish it’s worked
    have a great plain old day everyone

  104. Loving someone ANYTHING more than tacos is stretch… for the record

  105. I’m looking forward to tomorrow when I’ll celebrate the truly important holiday: Half-Price Chocolate Day.

  106. I have a snow day today, so I made Almond Joy pancakes and local bacon. Now I’m going to nap on the couch. My partner will continue to watch documentaries and attempt to keep from getting shoved off the couch by a sleeping me. I think we both win.

  107. I’m looking forward to tomorrow and celebrating the truly important holiday: Half-Price Chocolate Day.

  108. My plan to slay Valentine’s Day: I sent an email Valentine to my readers, thanking them for their love and support, bought myself a four-pack of chocolate dipped strawberries at the grocery store—and now, I’m binge-watching House of Cards on Netflix.

  109. 111
    itzybellababy

    My day- working while the man takes the toddler to the park. Then, we will see AAA since my car battery is dead. Again.

  110. sigh. wordpress hates me all. the. time.

    Posts like this are really touching and sweet. It’s like we’re all these adorable, little otters floating around on the wide internets. Sometimes you reach out to us to remind us that we’re not alone or say “Hey, It’s okay that you’re lost, I’m lost too!” or maybe we can make a huge otter-made raft and float around aimlessly together. What I mean is, I’m really glad to know your otter self even if you’re the one with that rather large rock.. I sleep better (albeit with one eye open) knowing you’re out there Bloggess.

  111. For this Valentine’s day, my husband have me a big bag of beef jerky. I gave him the gift of not expecting anything from him other than beef jerky.

  112. I have a lifelong horrible relationship with Valentine’s Day.

    Every year, I tell myself “this year will be different” (like when Charlie Brown sees Lucy with that football) and it’s never different. I don’t want anything elaborate. I don’t want flowers or candy or jewelry. I just want a reassuring hug and to know that Valentine’s Day and EVERY day I am loveable,

    So, your “I Love You More Than Tacos” is, I believe, the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me on Valentine’s Day. Thank you, Jenny. I love you enough that I would make you tacos! (And mojitos to wash them down!)

  113. Great advice! I especially love the part about dressing the cats up! I am off to attend my “surprise party” with my cats! Thank you for the laugh :)

  114. I’m making myself a lovely steak dinner complete with stuffed baked potato AND chocolate lava cake AND a mostly full bottle of wine. because I can. and there MIGHT be a drunken dance party with the dogs thrown in as well.

  115. Don’t forget that tomorrow is Discount Chocolate Day. That’s worth celebrating, isn’t it?

  116. My husband gave me flowers and beef jerky. I gave him he gift of not expecting anything other than beef jerky.

  117. Yes…fuck Valentine’s day. Right. In. The. Face.

  118. My gift to myself is to send both my kids out on their own first dates with their own first Valentine’s, which is so sweet for them–while I make pie for MY sweetheart and look forward to a private dinner with just US for a change.

    I’m also going to spend the day hanging out in my sweats, reading blogs, painting our upstairs, and eating M&Ms. In that order. There will also possibly be a nap in there somewhere. :D

    stef recently posted TV. THIS is Entertainment These Days? You Have GOT to be Joking..

  119. I can’t remember the last good Valentine’s Day I had. It’s true – it is a day that puts pressure on couples (men to dutifully purchase flowers) and for singles to feel like crap. Maybe it was 20 years ago when my boyfriend bought me a dust buster (cause I had cats) and roses. At least that was genuine! The funny thing is I was kind of pissed off at the time. Last year I had H1N1 and my then boyfriend forgot it was Valentine’s Day after promising to come look after me and cook dinner. This year I am single again, broke and looking after 3 kids. Yay. I think I will take your advice and treat myself – I’m going to scrounge my pennies and buy those gorgeous black suede quad roller skates I have been eying for months. Tacos sound great for dinner! And I love the foreign horror movie suggestion – I’m doing it for sure!!

  120. This is the first Valentines Day I haven’t ridden the roller coaster and I’m not sure why. I’m hoping this is what it feels like to be grown up. Excellent sentiments and I bought myself ice cream! :D

  121. I love you more than tacos, too. Thanks for always being so awesome.

    Jess recently posted BSC Super Special #1: Baby-sitters on Board!.

  122. Awww, thanks Jenny! <3 Enjoy the movies and yelling!

  123. Thanks, Jenny. Someday pls tell us the names of your 5-10 fave horror flicks. (HVD = horrory, etc.)

  124. No. I love YOU more than tacos.

    Except on Thursdays when they are 39 cents.

  125. Great idea!

    I booked myself a spa day a few weeks ago so I can have something to look forward to while my husband’s outta town (other than some needed alone time, ammiright!).

    We love us! Yay!

  126. We don’t usually do valentine’s day because it’s dumb. However, this year I’ve been sick so hubs got me a pie.

    Michelle recently posted Move Aside Corvettes..I Have My Own Sinkhole Problems.

  127. Great. Now I really want tacos. That means Mexican for dinner. Which means gas tonight. Nobody wants gas on Valentine’s Day night!

    Wait. “Valentine’s Day night.” That’s just as bad as New Years Eve Day. Valentine’s Night? Nope. That’s worse. UGH!

    Oh well. Happy Valentine’s Day. May it be gas free.

    kidlitskorner recently posted Social Anxiety Sucks.

  128. 130
    Zombie Gurl TJ

    I will be buying myself that expensive package of facial treatments, because, you know, zombie skin.

  129. My husband and I bought ourselves a vintage Airstream and we pick it up today. So of course I went to the dollar store and got it tons of tacky heart window decals to decorate it up while we tow it home. That’s our presents this year. Oh, and I got my 5 year old chocolate and candy hearts because well, he loves that stuff and he’s five and I’m still his valentine since the girl he has a little crush on is a Jehovah’s Witness and doesn’t celebrate holidays.

  130. Now I feel like I should feel bad for being a normal couple who did some normal Valentines things. Just simple chocolate, sweet kisses and stuff, and I texted silly puns to my family, no big deal, right? I just think that the worst part about Valentines is that no one can agree on it. Why don’t we all choose to celebrate it (or not) how we want? A lot of people are bashing the happy couples who happen to have fun today. I’m sad because I see so many happy people advertising their happiness to try to drown out the unhappy people, and I see so many unhappy people shouting their hatred of the day to drown out the happy people. I’m not fake-happy just because I ate chocolate and was normal. I never considered posting my happiness on FB to advertise it. But I feel sad because being normal and enjoying today as a nice day in general now seems like the worst action in the world. I don’t care what anyone does, as long as they do it to make themselves or the people important to them happy, and they don’t hate on me for doing stuff to make my important people and myself happy.

    And now because I’m sad and I have my period, I need chocolate even more. I just want people to be happy for themselves, no matter who or where they are! I put at least 2-3 smiles on peoples’ faces today, and if I can just keep doing that, I’ll say this is a good day.

  131. I gave myself the gift of food poisoning. Wait, I don’t think I’m doing this right, am I?

  132. I use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to love my friends more than usual. I don’t need no-no places touching to make this day awesome!

    JRose recently posted Cheeseblarg on Global Warming.

  133. Valentine’s Day always meant nothing to me until I scheduled my final divorce hearing for Feb. 14. Now there’s something to celebrate. There’s no love like self love!

  134. My husband and I have a tradition of going to the supermarket and spend less the a fiver on our favourite chocolate. However, this year Lego has made Star Wars Mini kits and a kick ass local comic book shop. So tomorrow Husband is getting a mini Millennium Falcon and I’m getting comic books. Best. Valentines. EVER.

  135. I really like this post. Whelp, off to go bake some roses…

    Moni Barrette recently posted A true love story, in time for GAG day.

  136. Loving someone more than tacos is HUGE in my family, so thank you. My best Valentines Day ever included a flash mob pillow fight followed by a 2-hour GBS concert, and since I know that’ll never be topped for sheer awesomeness, I don’t even bother worrying about what to do on V-Day anymore. Tonight I plan on getting a Round Table pizza on the way home from work and watching The Librarian movies (if you haven’t seen them, you need to Netflix them RIGHT NOW!!) til I fall asleep with a kitty snuggled under my chin =oP

  137. Jenny Lawson, you are my best Not-A-Valentine. Thanks, lady. I’m giving myself a Supernatural marathon and a bunch of dog cuddles.

  138. Planning to dehydrate some chocolate mousse today. It is for me. But I just might share it with my family. :)

  139. I call your bluff. No one loves anything more than tacos. Maybe more than the individual components, but once nestled in their shell…they are sublime. I am taking your advice though and forgiving myself for spending my laundromat money on new underpants and socks so that i didn’t have to do laundry. Have a great day!

    Manda recently posted Neighbors are the worst.

  140. Oh, thanks for this Jenny! This is the best valentine day ever now! Im totally going home to bedazzle my cats now. :)

  141. Hubs is taking our daughter out on a daddy-daughter date so I can go to the theatre and see Spamalot then go out for drink with one of my oldest girl friends. Winner!

  142. Honestly, I find it more ridiculous that valentine’s day might be the only holiday where everyone acts entitled and does little anti valentine revolts here and there. Why not play valentine to someone else? You know, like friends and family. Cheer someone up, geez.
    I wonder if orphans and abused kids band together for anti-father’s day nearly as much as us self absorbed kids do on valentines day!

  143. Jenny! That is so awesome. My cats will hate you I am pretty sure, they always look so aggravated when I dress them up, but this time I can tell them it was your idea and then thank them for the party!

  144. that’s kind of a big commitment, loving someone more than tacos… I’m not sure I’ve ever felt that way. Or it’s been so long my heart is jaded and black… how about I love you more than jelly donuts?

    Lauren recently posted P in a V Day Playlist.

  145. For years my significant other and I hosted an anti-Valentine’s Day party. We served all black food and showed movies that depicted some of the drawbacks to being in a couple – Fatal Attraction, Written on the Wind, Black Widow, Valley of the Dolls etc. But as our single friends hooked up they got sucked into all that is awful about Valentine’s Day. This year’s event was cancelled due to lack of interest. I hope they all end up in bitter divorce.

  146. Also, Brenda, thanks for the link to the perfect Valentine’s Day card.

  147. Never have I been a relationship with a woman who cared in the least about Valentine’s Day – at least as far as I know. It’s only purpose on the calendar is to remind you not to accidentally decide to go out to a restaurant that night.

    Anubis Bard recently posted The Love Note to 2014 - February 2nd to 8th.

  148. I’m not sure about that card. Aren’t tacos symbolically a lady-part, and that heart looks too much like a disembodied scrotum – and tossed upon logs being consumed by flame. Obviously, one of us has some issues with Valentine’s Day . . . (it could be me.)

    Anubis Bard recently posted The Love Note to 2014 - February 2nd to 8th.

  149. At our house we call it “Singles Awareness Day” and we think it’s just plain mean. We don’t do it.

  150. 152
    Mikki Blueyes

    Thank you for the giggle Jenny. As I sit here alone in my pyjamas, licking the crumbs out of an empty tray of fudge, having survived a ridiculously shitty week and feeling ridiculously sorry for myself, I realize that next week can only get better. At least that’s my desperate hope, wish and prayer. Because I feel beaten down today.

  151. I wasn’t really worrying too much about Valentine’s Day this year, mainly because there are enough important other things to stress over instead. But this is definitely the best V.D. thing I’ve read today and I thank you for a much needed laugh.

  152. I made a Valentine’s Day present together with my daughter for my son in law, who by the way hates it and thinks it’s only about the money and, as Jenny so sublimely put it: to sell you shit. So we made him a beautiful wrapped gift with lovely red and pink roses (my daughter’s name is Rose) A nice ribbon bow with little red hearts on it, golden glitter you name it, all things lovely and sweet. Guess what was in the box???……………..His old boxers and two pairs of socks that he forgot weeks ago in our house. My daughter and I had the loveliest Valentine’s Day ever, giggled like little girls all day long. Good mother/daughter bonding.

  153. What did my lovely wife get me for Valentine’s Day?

    It’s cottony, and it has a BMC and “It’s full of whimsy” on the front.

    She understands me.

  154. Awww… my love is bigger than the El Nino tacos hawked on Saturday nights with sitar music (and after an ad for a store that sells bongs)- during the weekly bad movie about giant killer spiders. Also, I’m high by osmosis just thinking about it.

  155. Choking up! My present to myself was a manicure. And I know my husband didn’t get me anything because he thinks this holiday is stupid, which it is, but I don’t care, and I’m dressing pretty with makeup and everything and giving him a sweet card because I love him and I want to.

  156. Also, here is my first (of hopefully many) blog posts. Look what a snow day does for you!

    Krisi recently posted Deus Ex Machina.

  157. I like to every year research and write up histories on Valentines Day and then post them on Facebook for the overly sentimental to read. Such as the life and death of St. Valentine or the Roman holiday Lupercalia that was apparently so fun the church had to try to make a Christian holiday on the same day. This year was about the myths of Cupid, who you really, really don’t want to be involved in your love life (that is if you want to stay alive, sane or in human form).

  158. Thanks for the encouragement I took the afternoon off, grabbed a late lunch with chocolate cake and am going to read a good book. No significant other required. :)

  159. Thank you so much for this! I was seriously sitting here wondering if I was wrong to not care about this holiday and you reminded me I was right all along! Fuck Valentine’s Day.

  160. I gave myself permission to “work from home” and finish reading Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell and cry my eyes out at three different parts of it. Thank you to the 8 or 9 people who recommended it in this post (http://thebloggess.com/2013/12/this-isnt-a-real-post-5/) a little while ago. It was wonderful.

    Zannah recently posted Over it.

  161. I bought myself Blythe doll clothes. I don’t know. It seemed like a thing I would like, and I’m hoping I’ll forget I did it by the time they show up, so it’ll be like I have a secret admirer. I imagine this effect will only improve as I age.

    Adrasteia recently posted Remember that car accident I was in about a year ago? I DO!.

  162. My Valentine’s Day is going to involve binge-watching Dexter on Netflix, because all I really want is a hot dude who will cross off names on my kill list.

    Allie recently posted HELP! It's Valentines Day and I've Got Problems..

  163. 165
    zenguttermonkey

    Foreign horror movies you say? Saw one earlier this week that really lives up to it’s name: Zombie Ass : Toilet Of The Damned. I recommend this to all my friends, which is probably why I have fewer now than last week. Oh, well. If your jaw does not drop, well, It’s probably wired shut (that’s why you have to carry wire clippers with you, for important things like not choking to death on vomit and iffy Japanese horror movies).

  164. hehehe this makes me giggle. I bought myself new underwear and bras at Victorias Secret. And new make up. And a dress. I may have gone overboard. . .

  165. Wow, more than tacos is a pretty serious level of love. We bought all 6 Star Wars movies because we recently threw out our VHS copies and watched them. So a pretty normal Friday night for us!

  166. Every time I see that picture I think the heart is a tongue. I tried not to say anything, but I just had to.

    Cassie recently posted Amazon is a Beautiful Thing.

  167. Your Valentine was the ONLY one I received this year and it was PERFECT. Thank You Jenny!! I love your posts more than I love my pink fuzzy socks – and given the weather this winter – well, you know. You deserve a bonus movie hour!!!

  168. I’ve spent the day serving horny, ungrateful, drunken, Real-Housewives-watching, shotgun- totin’, oversexed morons with no appreciation for working -class schmucks like me.

    Yay.
    Fuck Valentine’s day, indeed, Jenny..

    The Hook recently posted 5×5 With The Hook: Alice Hatter.

  169. I can’t tell you how much I appreciated this. I have been having a really rough time lately, and this was exactly what I needed to see. Your blog helps me so much whether it is with encouragement or just makes me laugh. You are one in a million.

  170. I love you more than a double cheeseburger. But less than pretzel M & M’s. Sorry, I just can’t resist that mix of sweet and salty.

    Sandy the Fearless Scribe recently posted How a 90s movie inspired my Fictional Hollywood Bucket List.

  171. I told my husband that he could pick up Chinese for dinner and call it flowers.

  172. Sigh. I do kinda wish my husband had got me a card though. We only got married last year. He has bought me 2 valentines cards in the 6 years we together, and he did warn me the card store near his office had shut down so not to hold my breath. And he’s busy with work, and he doesn’t care about holidays and birthdays and gifts and stuff.

    But I do, dagnamit. And he is aware of this. And I got him a nice card, and have been all smiley, and made us a nice roast dinner. I try to remember its just a Hallmark holiday and it doesn’t matter. But I wanted the darn card. I wanted it to be a thing, like normal couples do, and to talk about at work. “So what did you get for Valentines?”. People do ask. And then it’s either lie (“Ooh breakfast in bed and a dozen roses! Our first Valentines you know!”), or bask in the pity gaze (“i got nothing. And I was warned.”).

    It’s not a lot to ask. It’s a freaking greetings card. It’s not a lot of effort. Laundry is more effort. I just wanted a darn card.

    Actually I wanted some darn flowers, preferrably delivered to work, but the card would do.

    I know it’s BS, and I know he’s happy I made the effort. And i liked seeing him smile when I gave him his card. But. I still feel like … this is not right.

  173. You know, I was struggling with this myself today. I decided to avoid going outside where there might be happy couples about, paint my nails, and watch some horror movies with friends while drinking hard ciders.

  174. Thank you for sharing this. It was a shit day at work and I needed the reminder that I am always and forever my first Valentine! I think I’ll bake myself a cake and just plain old enjoy it! Thanks, as always, for your insight and thoughts.

  175. I made a hardware robot figurine for hubby with a heart in it. (Body is hollow and the front panel swings open on a hinge…kinda proud of that one) Really I just wanted to make a robot but now he thinks I’m thoughtful. Also I get chocolate and bourbon which is all I wanted anyway.

  176. I am eating cookies until I feel sick for dinner.

  177. You got me at your title!

    edimminger recently posted Bad Love Songs.

  178. I love horror movies too! You must tell us your favorites and what you’re watching!

  179. I plan on watching a movie with my bestie and drinking Red Cat until I puke. Also, I had a piece of rainbow cake from Baked Euphoria. I’m putting my kids to bed soon and relaxing after a hard day. I hope you have a great day!

  180. My gift to myself is watching 30Rock in my underwear. Best. Date. Ever.

    maurnas recently posted Hero’s Rescue.

  181. V day is overrated….crass commercialism at its best…….Yes jenny, Fuck Valentines day!

  182. Complete non-sequitur: I’m making fondue. Because I’m fond of fondue.
    Back to conversation: As office manager, had to do something for the staff for v-day. So I popped open champagne and made mimosas at 9am. Yes, I am a saboteur. I made them love me and not much work got done today >:-}

  183. It’s “fondue”….with an “e”….I’m sorry, I’m a teacher. :) P.S. I love Valentine’s day but only because I enjoy hearts and the pink, red, white color combo, PLUS I think it’s a day to celebrate love – not just romantic love! And now I must go have a stiff drink because I spent the day with crazed kindergarteners and a lot of sugar cookies.

    Mary-Leah Moore recently posted What I think I can do vs. what I really can do..........

  184. I ate carrot cake and left the dishes in the sink. Happy V day to me. :)

    Caroline E. Pollock recently posted Say Hello to the Best Person for Your Job.

  185. 187
    karenmpeterson

    It IS a good day to do something nice for ourselves. I took myself to the movies and later I’m hanging out with some good girlfriends. No sense staying home miserable. That’s just silly.

  186. I caught a stomach virus about 24 hours ago. I’m spending VD feeling greatful I can keep down solid food. I’m also greatful that the only plans my husbad and I had were curling up on the couch and eating pizza and catching up on Dr. Who.

  187. Totally justifies the moldavite ring I bought from the cheap jewelry channel that is bound to hit the credit card account that my husband checks every day. I can just say say “Jenny says it’s OK.”

  188. I’ve been moping for the last 5 hours since there has been no gift in return to the chocolates(his favorite kind) and nice card I got my husband… this post made me feel instantly better. Since it’s time for bed, tomorrow I will treat my self to something delightful. Thank you!

  189. THANK YOU! Needed the reminder. I definetely love you more than tacos. Now, if you bring chicken wings into the mix I will probably have to create a PROS & CONS list…cuz that’s some seriouis life altering decision…thank you again Jenny for bringing a bit of crazy & a bit of laughter for me.

  190. Did you guys know that cardiologists get tons of flowers and candy every year?

  191. Thanks Jenny, what a great post !
    I am a non-fan of Valentine’s Day — because it is a hyped commercial holiday and because I got divorced on VD years ago. Decided to completely ignore today was Feb 14th and then just as I was about to leave the church where I work members of the men’s choir that rehearse in our church showed up gave me a rose and serenaded me with ‘I love you truly’.

  192. This valentine’s day was the first one where I had no dreams or expectations. I expected nothing to happen, and I was okay with that. So when somebody randomly gave me a piece of heart-shaped chocolate, I was thrilled. And now I’m popping bubble wrap. Best day ever!

  193. Hiya Jenny. I linked to something today that may be the funniest thing I’ve seen online. I thought of you. Happy VD young one! I can’t get fucking Comment Luv to pick up the post, so here’s the link:
    http://bodaciousboomer.com/2014/02/this-is-a-funny-psa-for-all-the-guys-out-there/

  194. I’m snowed in without tacos or pizza. Thank goodness for Netflix: House of Cards marathon!

  195. I am giving myself a hangover because I didn’t get any flowers. thanks for making me laugh tonight! (and every time I read you)

    craftytammie recently posted My turn!.

  196. Valentine’s Day turned into the Best Holiday Ever when, two years ago, on Feb. 14 my baby boy was released to go home after open heart surgery at ten days old. There are so many ways to celebrate the ones you love! Do something nice for yourself, sign up to be an organ donor (donatelife.net), and tell your Mom that you love her.

  197. You know what? Hubs doesn’t do Valentine’s day, but I kinda dig it. So on Tuesday when he goes out of town, I’m going to be my own valentine. I’ll get a manicure, buy myself tulips (NOT roses), eat at my favorite restaurant, buy myself one decadent Godiva chocolate, and just generally spoil the shit out of myself. Sounds like a plan, am I right?

  198. My hubs got me a bottle of Dom Perignon. Blew me outta the water. But you know what? I am not saving that for something special. Imma gonna chill it and drink it on a Tuesday night. Just to treat myself.
    We’ve been married for 23 (almost 24) years…and in the beginning of our marriage he would sometimes slip up about Valentines Day. He honest-to-God thought it was the second Tuesday in Feb. (kind of like Thanksgiving). But this year? He done good.

    Marianne recently posted Hare-y Situation.

  199. Happy Singles Awareness Day! Kzspot

  200. Hubby surprised me with a delicious home cooked supper. I’d take that any day over chocolates and flowers.

    I am so thankful for The Bloggess and her internet family here. For belly laughs to tears, I appreciate you all. Happy February 14th, however you call it or however you spend it, peace be with you all!

  201. I’m too lazy (Also drinking wine) to read all of your comments. But I did want to say I saw your book in an Austin book store, took a picture of the cover (I’m newly retired and on a strict budget) tried to download it for free (faking a blush here) had my husband pay for the download and am over half way through. Thanks for the laughs.

    Shelley recently posted Que?.

  202. 204
    Charla Pitcox

    Nuking the flowers is greatness!

  203. I showed the “I <3 You, more than tacos” card to my brother’s girlfriend and told her that I got this card for her. She responded with “I fucking HOPE you love me more than you love tacos.” :D Made me laugh.

  204. Can I get that on a tshirt please?

  205. I love you more than tacos too. You are awesome. Enjoy your movies. :)

  206. I had a cheat day with food. It was excellent.

  207. This is very silly. Thought you might appreciate it. So I’ll just leave it here:
    http://www.buzzfeed.com/juliapugachevsky/which-poorly-taxidermied-animal-are-you

  208. 210
    Storm the Klingon

    Originally, my Vulcan’s Valentine present to me was to take our pain in the butt elderly Pug to work with him, to give me the day off from dealing with her (I love her to bits, but she is truly The Neediest Needer That Ever Needed A Need). I awoke today to find a Pugless house AND a heart shaped box of Lindt truffles, and perched atop them was an adorable plushie elephant that is mostly pink with some lavender stripes and hearts. When I called him at work to say hey I’m awake and thank him, I said “His name is Mr. Foster Brooks, just so you know.”
    “Ooooookay. Why Foster Brooks?”
    “Because he’s a pink elephant, dingus. Pink elephants = drunk. And he makes me laugh, and I’m an old enough bat to remember Foster Brooks, The Funny Drunk. I thought about calling him Gaybar, what with the pink motif, then considered calling him Barney, after Barney Gumbel , but everyone will think of that stupid dinosaur. I trip on this shit, dude, naming a plushie is heavy.”
    “Foster Brooks it is, then.”
    “That’s MISTER Foster Brooks to YOU, infidel!”

    Your Pal,

    Storm

  209. What did I do to celebrate Valentine’s Day? I have a husband, I have small kids, Valentine’s is my birthday – this year my 40th birthday! – but to me Valentine’s is, or at least can be, so much more than romantic love. So today – to celebrate my 40th and to celebrate love – I made a point of finding all different kinds of examples of love … and told those people how much I appreciated their versions of love. For example, if I had a friend who was an amazing dancer and always posting on facebook things about dance, I would send her a post “Happy Love of Dancing Day!!” Maybe it sounds cheesy, but since I sincerely meant each sentiment, and I think that sincerity rang through as everyone seemed to like my posts.

    So today – on Valentine’s Day – the Day of Love – I would like to thank you! Thank you for posting with such humour, such honesty, for keeping it real. You are the quintessential blogger – you ARE “The!!!” Bloggess! Your love of blogging and keeping it real, is inspiring, is just plain awesome and rings through your every word. You are blogging – and you are love! So Happy Love of Blogging Day to you! Don’t ever change! :)

  210. 212
    Deanna Herrmann

    I loved this and needed this. You’re so right. You had me at Fuck Valentines Day.

  211. I got dumped on. By snow! So the romantic plans to attend a junior high volleyball tournament were foiled.

    Kathleen recently posted 14 in ’14 on the 14th.

  212. 214
    davidbreslin101

    I had a hot date with a bunch of middle-aged men with guitars. We made beautiful music together. Literally.

  213. NOthing better than a wheel of cheese and a bottle of wine. Especially if you can convince someone else to watch your spawn for a couple of hours.

  214. For Valentine’s Day this year, my husband gave me food poisoning. He offered to cook me dinner last night and all I have to show for it is a dirty kitchen and a severely upset stomach. This is what I get for telling him all I wanted was a nice gesture. Next year I am taking your advice and doing my own nice gesture…for myself ;-)

    Secretn0 recently posted If Mama’s Not Clean, No One Is!.

  215. 217
    tiddleywinks

    We decided to get a divorce on Valentines Day, after living a farce of a marriage for many years. I think it is the best gift we have ever given each other. After we made the decision, he came home with dozen red roses, chocolate and teddy bear – for the girl I was when we first got married. The divorce was for the woman I became because I deserved the freedom to live my life how I wanted. Awww so sweet! Now sign the papers motherfucker and let me go!

  216. I’m too lazy (Also drinking wine) to read all of your comments. But I did want to say I saw your book in an Austin book store, took a picture of the cover (I’m newly retired and on a strict budget) tried to download it for free (faking a blush here) had my husband pay for the download and am over half way through. Thanks for the laughs.

    Shelley recently posted Que?.

  217. It’s a silly made up holiday, but I’ll admit, it does make you feel more single! Thank god for good friends, free drinks and chocolate! :)

  218. I’m not sure I love anything more than tacos. Possibly my dogs. Definitely not my husband. If my taco platter and my husband were both sliding off a cliff, I think it would be a really hard call. A taco platter is a thing of beauty and joy. The husband on the other hand often delivers the taco platters when I can’t be arsed to get out of bed. Hmm…. This must be what Sophie felt like…

  219. Awesome! I have a new view on Valentines day (which I still hate). Was married for 15 years, never got a Valentine, divorced now (shocking I know) and got no Valentine. Realized it is much less sad to not get a Valentaine because I am single then to not get one because the spouse is a jerk. And that realization made my Valentines happier. That and the chocolate and wine I got and didn’t have to share!

  220. I love you more than…cupcakes with pink frosting and sprinkles! Thaks for all the laughs!

  221. My favorite part of valentine’s day? Reading people’s FB posts about why they hate valentine’s day. SO ENTERTAINING.

  222. The real reason to “celebrate” is the terrifying fact that my husband sucessfully gave me a hicky for the first time ever yesterday. WTF. I shouldn’t have to wear turtle necks and scarves 7 years into a relationship. holy hell.

  223. 225
    Evilstepmozzy

    Okay I love you too. I just discovered this blog. And feel in love. I cracked out your archives for like 24 hours straight. Then I bought your book. Now I’m sending it to everyone I know with “You’re welcome ~ Guess who” on the card.

    Then it hit me- the only writers that ever got me jonesing this badly were Wodehouse and Joss Whedon. Wodehouse is dead. So I have to ask, are you real? Is this really you, Joss Whedon?
    Can you prove that you aren’t Joss Whedon?

    P.S. Did anyone else read Wodehouse and have to buy a sterling silver cow creamer off ebay?

  224. So, how did your horror marathon go?

  225. Sounds like Saint Valentine was a brave a generous fellow who, I imagine, would laud your bubble bath and wheel of cheese plans.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_Day

  226. Sounds like awesome day. I listened to drunk in luv 5467 times in honor of your rooster beyonce. My husband worked 67 hours bc I make negative income changing careers evety 6 min. My bosses boss gave us champagne but I cant drink it bc im friends with Bill w. My kids won’t stop watching mincraft videos. Love your sentiment so very much

  227. There’s even a song about it, a great punchy in-your-face garage-y two-minute, three-chord relic from the early 90s by a hardcore band called Dollface from Peoria, Illinois. And thanks to somebody’s posting it on You tubeyou (not me)can still sing along with its catchy chorus:

    Ssh-o-o-t Cu-pid in the head
    I want that mother-fucker dead.
    I want him D E-A D!

  228. 230
    Aqiyl Aniys | Natural Life Energy

    LOL! Totally hilarious. “roses are slow to react to poison…” I agree love yourself and your partner everyday and don’t get caught up in this mess.

  229. We are pizza, got tipsy on some and ate chocolates and watched Netflix. It was awesome.

    Tamara (at PenPaperPad) recently posted Remembering Valentine’s Day….

  230. We went to see the live taping of “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” on Thursday and then had sushi last night. Everyone wins, indeed.

  231. At the beginning of this week, Husband said, “Are we doing the same nothing for Valentine’s day that we do every year?” LOL! We are apparently not romantics :)

    Brenna recently posted A look back.

  232. Maybe Valentine’s Day does suck. I know it sucked seeing all the lovey dovey Facebook posts about which husband was outdoing the other. But I think I got the best Valentine’s Day gift. My husband woke me up and said he was so glad he got to spend another year with his Valentine :) Then he took me to oncology where I spent the day sleeping in a chair and alternately drooling. Yeah. He’s the luckiest :)

  233. Thanks for this! Kind of the message I’ve been sending out as well :)

  234. My husband used to give me flowers on Ground hogs day when we were dating because he felt that Valentine’s was rather contrived.

    skullwoman recently posted Commute Music of the Week 2/14/14: CAKE; “Comfort Eagle”.

  235. Completely unrelated to Valentine’s Day and oh, so much more important. THE BLOGGESS IS A KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER FAN!!!!!!! I thought I was the only one.

  236. 238
    Doug in Oakland

    What kind of taco are we talking here? A Picante carnitas taco? A Juan’s taco? A taco from the El Grullo truck on International Blvd.?
    Just kidding, I love you more than a taco.
    For VD I watched the video of Torvill and Dean winning the Olympic ice-dancing gold medal in ’84. Old? Who said anything about being old?

  237. OMG I really love tacos too!!!!

    GurlNxtDoor recently posted The Day We Fight Back.

  238. We have been together a lifetime so unlike the other elementary teachers and their spouses, when I say to mine, “please don’t get me anything” she really doesn’t it. Honestly, VDay is mostly about our son and my first grade students.

    mytwicebakedpotato recently posted Valentine’s Day and The Plan.

  239. I get called cynical at work for calling it ‘Obligation day’, but that’s how it feels. Men get told that if they’re not picking up on their significant others ‘hints’ and getting them the ‘right’ present, then they’re somehow going to be in trouble. Seriously?
    My husband and I have a joint bank account. I would be so mad if he spent $160 on flowers because he felt he ‘had to’ when what we really need is to save up for that nice new 4tb hard drive.

    On a different note, he once told me (in company) that he ‘loves me more than weasels’.
    This prompted a friend to ask ‘What’s a weasel?’ When we explained she immediately told me that she loves me more than weasels too.
    Who needs obligation day for random professions of love?

  240. I ate a steak, had a drink and watched hockey. The only time I get to see hockey where I live is when the winter olympics are on. It was bliss.

  241. 243
    Lady Macbeth

    I got nothing this Valentine’s Day, just as I’d expected. It’s different this year (or at least, it should be), as I’m actually with somebody, but I’ve lowered my expectations in the gift-receiving department to none – and they’ve been met, never exceeded. On the other hand, I recall with great fondness one of my dearest friends from college was so delighted when he got to send out an all-campus email reminding everybody that Valentine’s Day was abbreviated VD.

  242. Just wanted to say thank you for this blog…I’m having bad time right now and reading blogs like this and Jen’s at Epbot have been so helpful. I’m having an anxiety attack and am trying to distract myself from the situation…

  243. 245
    Lady Macbeth

    Also, if you ever feel bad about yourself or your relationship (or lack thereof) status, I highly recommend browsing your city’s Craigslist Casual Encounters section. Not for the stated purpose but for good, fun, wholesome reading. I just saw a comparison picture of a penis side-by-side with a TV remote as a reference point. It was awesome. Aaaaaand then there’s a picture of a erect penis attached to what looks like a slab of meat in a slaughterhouse but is actually a 50 year-old man’s torso. Ew.

  244. I love you more than tacos. that is awesome – said the girl who LOVES her some tacos.

  245. Valentine’s Day is a lot cooler when you pay people to stand around your living room naked while you get to wear comfy jammies and fuzzy socks. You just feel superior on a day that usually leaves you feeling like an unloved runt of the litter.

    Lorca Damon recently posted It’s Not Like It’s Still a Whorehouse….

  246. I went through a few different Valentine’s Day stages. In high school/college, I hated the day because I was inevitably alone & had to see all the happy couples together. After meeting my wife, I loved the day as I could finally celebrate it “properly.”. Now, though, my wife and I have grown out of the “need a reason to give pricy gifts” stage. Now we just wish each other a Happy Valentine’s Day and don’t even waste money on cards.

  247. To tidelewinks….loved your post.

  248. To evilstepmozzie…
    I had the same experience discovering Jenny.
    She is my new Nora Ephrom.

  249. I mean Ephron.
    Sorry about all the other names I misspelled.

  250. Oh my gosh, I did exactly that! I sat down, poured myself a glass of wine, and had a Battlestar Galactica marathon. Someone even invited me out and I politely declined thinking to myself, “I could go out and the people could be really lame… but I KNOW that this (gesturing to my couch, laptop, and wine glass) will be a good time.”

    I made good choices.

  251. Shit. I should’ve read you Friday. Better late than never … Thanks for the reminder to be kind to ourselves.

  252. Since I work at home, and sadly can kill plants without any use of poison I decided this year for Valentine’s Day I would treat myself to a bottle of wine and some much needed eye candy happiness. I started with Matthew McConaughey, enjoy some Leonardo Dicaprio and ended with Bruce Willis..
    it was a great night.. hmmmm I wonder if Leo needs a date for the Oscars??
    I am glad I found your blog, having a blast reading before bed.

    Denise recently posted Photographs; A Collage of Memories.

  253. Yeah. The only thing I ever really wanted to do on Valentine’s Day was get dressed up and go to that special Valentine’s Day dinner at White Castle with the linen tablecloths, flowers on the tables and real menus. Then bowling. I say do VD goofy or don’t do it at all!

  254. Just another reason we love you Jenny! Thanks! There’s a rose over there on my co-worker’s desk that just might be feeling a little chilly…

  255. 258
    Gina Lolabridgeda

    Took your advice…Scheduled myself for a tubal ligation. Was a beautiful day for it, my beloved drove me and gave me drugs as needed through the rest of the day. Served me dinner and tucked me in with my pain meds and a glass of wine. God I love that man…

  256. I spent the day at a Doctor Who convention. I think this is the best possible way to celebrate this day :D

  257. Thank you so much for writing this. I feel like no one loves me and never will and your idea to treat yourself was a great on. Thanks again for helping me make it through another day.

  258. I heart you more than tacos is very appropriate, considering my boyfriend and I were having tacos the night before Valentines Day with his friends, and when the bill came he whispered “I’mgetttingthis, but that’s it, so don’t go expecting anything tomorrow”
    He is SUCH a sweetheart.

  259. I know I’m late on the reading of this post, but to be totally honest, Valentine’s Day is my favorite non-religious holiday of the year. I absolutely adore having a day to just tell and show people how much I love them. I couldn’t give a flying fuck if I have a significant other on Valentine’s Day. I’m still going to share all of my love with my friends and family, and I always try to encourage other people to do the same. The way I see it, Valentine’s Day isn’t about me. It’s about all of the wonderful people in my life.

  260. Totally agree! I’d much rather get flowers on a random day, rather that shrivelled red roses costing extortionate amounts. Also, another day dedicated to myself? Even better!

  261. Spending Valentines Day by watching foreign horror movie.. now that something new. and i loved it when you mentioned “Valentine’s Day is pretty much just made up to sell shit”. finally found someone who thinks like me. ;)

  262. 265
    Andrei BIlderburger

    Valentine’s day – VD – I think it might as well be named honestly. It’s fuck day. Guys are supposed to pretend they like some girl by buying them dinner and roses, then they get to fuck.

    Ms. Bloggess, I don’t think you’re that cheap! A dozen roses and a dinner? That’s all it takes? Oh yeah, and pretending to like you. Don’t bother killing roses. Just look at them and ask yourself “is she that cheap? Is it that easy to get her in the sack?” It will do your self respect a lot more good than the microwave.

    I think you’d rather have sex with a guy who really loves you (as long as you feel similarly about him) and not make him pay for it. You probably wouldn’t even worry about which day it was or what you’re supposed to buy!

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