That’s how it’s done, bitches. Apparently.

Hunter S. Thomcat does this thing where he sits next to me in my office and stretches out his arms wildly until someone holds his hand.  You might think he’s just stretching but he won’t stop or open his eyes until he reaches someone and if you aren’t paying attention he’ll also meow.  It’s weird as hell but last night I think I finally figured out what was going on:marco polo

Laziest. Cat. Ever.

PS. Today we’re going to pick Hailey up from rodeo summer camp.  She’s been gone almost two weeks and I’m basically living for the photos that show up on the camp website that prove to me she’s still alive.  In the latest pictures she was just wearing a sheet and I was like, “Fuck.  She’s run out of clean clothes and she’s just wearing her bed now” but turns out they were having a late-night toga party in the cow barn.  Which is almost as unsettling as running out of clean clothes.  Maybe more so.  I’m trying not to think about it.

 

 

112 replies. read them below or add one

  1. This. Is. Adorbs! Plus, I don’t want to hear late night toga party connected with my child until at least college. But maybe cow barn offsets it?

    Liked by 4 people

  2. No YOU win because he’s a fish out of water. Well I guess you’re both fishes out of water. I’m reserving judgment on the maybe it’s not as weird as it sounds kid toga party.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Cat is a little weird. Daughter is likely just fine.

    Liked by 6 people

  4. I’m pretty sure that is the most effective strategy for asking for company I’ve ever heard of. I’m going to try it. But I’ll scream “MARCO” instead of meowing. Because a 44 year old mewing at the top of her lungs is just weird, right?

    Liked by 7 people

  5. The toga party might be just a Greek Mythology thing. Totally educational. At least that’s what I’d say to my parents. )

    Liked by 2 people

    Lisa Orchard recently posted Tweeters Behaving Badly.

  6. Solving life’s little mysteries, 1 cat at a time.

    Liked by 6 people

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  7. Cats are weird by nature. That’s why I love them– they GET me. Hoping Hailey didn’t have to follow in your footsteps and inseminate any cows while she was there….

    Liked by 7 people

    whatwouldgilliesdo recently posted Blah, blah, anxiety, blah.

  8. Don’t you mean ‘Meow-arco’?

    Liked by 6 people

  9. Ok, my first Toga Party was in High School. And it was related to the drama club. I’m not sure I’m making things any better so I’ll stop.

    I need to figure out a way to incorporate Cat Marco Polo into my next lesson plan… #WinningAtTeaching

    Liked by 2 people

    Kelly and Geoff recently posted The 2016 election takes a turn for the surreal.

  10. Woah! How cool is it that people all over the US know about Marco Polo and the Fish out of water rule? So cool!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I can’t wait to hear the best new quote from summer camp. “For Christ’s sake, Lois, this is camp. Get tough or die!” set a pretty high bar.

    You’re a great mom, Jen. Hailey’s awesomeness proves it.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. FISH OUT OF WATER, HUNTER.

    We shouldn’t be surprised he doesn’t know the rules. Most cats aren’t very good at pool games, so I guess he gets a handicap.

    Liked by 4 people

  13. I always spend a lot of time on Facebook when my kids go on church trios hoping for a picture of them at work. It’s always nice to have proof that they are alive and doing what they are there for.

    Liked by 1 person

    theycallmetater recently posted Here I Go Again.

  14. All of your animals are PERFECTION. Thank you for sharing them with us.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. If Hunter were my cat, he would immediately scratch you when you finally took his paw. Her game of Marco Polo always has a tragic ending.

    Liked by 5 people

    notquiteold recently posted The Joys Of August.

  16. […] This: That’s how it’s done, bitches. Apparently. | The Bloggess […]

    Like

  17. I screwed up the gender of my cat since I have one of each. I used his and her interchangeably with them. No wonder they are mean and confused.

    Liked by 1 person

    notquiteold recently posted The Joys Of August.

  18. My dog does the same thing! He keeps reaching out with his paw until I hold it and then we awkwardly sit there holding hands. I think they are training us. Good human.

    Liked by 4 people

  19. Awww, Hunter. What a cute orange weirdo.🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  20. A toga party at rodeo camp–when two worlds collide. Raven punches me in the back when she wants attention. It’s endearing, only because her paws are like two tiny cottonballs.

    Liked by 1 person

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 96: A Salty Mystery, Ikea Cultural Kitchens.

  21. 21
    Jessi Goodsell

    Holy crap… Our cat, who ironically is named Marco and look just like Hunter S Thomcat, does the same fucking thing… We just assume he’s always stretching to get ready for those midnight aerobics that take place while were sleeping. Thank you so much for solving the mystery

    Liked by 3 people

  22. You’ll have to take him off the cat out of water handicap at some point though, cause then he’ll just get smug. Or smug-er.

    Liked by 1 person

    nerril recently posted I Fought a Haunted Toilet AND SURVIVED..

  23. It’s like you could almost read his mind!
    Swimsuit/Halloween costume wear in public is my clue to laundry needs…

    Like

  24. What a great way to start my day! Thank you for sharing the absurdity of your world with us. Jenny. I love your take on all things family, especially the furrier parts🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Aww, he owns you. How sweet!!! My cat, Apollo, owns me, too. When he wants to go into a room, whether the door is opened or closed, he’ll yell at me until I go to the door and tell him I’m opening it for him. He’s a little shit, but I love him. He’s also a great cuddler. He also prefers my 13 year old son to anyone else and generally he only bitches at me to “open” already open doors and feed him if he sees the slightest glimpse of the bottom of his bowl (the cat bitches, not my son – well, he does, too. I guess they’re generally the same being.)

    Liked by 1 person

  26. This sounds like a one-way ticket to getting your arm stuck in a cow’s vagina.

    Like

  27. I love how his little face is squoooshed like he’s holding his breath too

    Like

  28. Waking up to a Jenny post. Yes.
    Depression has been winning this week. After not being able to get out of bed for the last 2 mornings, this is a good sign. Or at least it’s a good reward for trying again today.

    Liked by 3 people

  29. Aw, weird pet things are my favourite.

    Like

    Kristin recently posted Withdrawal: an essay..

  30. Aw, that is the cutest. I like that you said arms. I always talk about my dog Bodie’s arms and my Husband rolls his eyes and says, “you mean legs.” I’ll bet you will be so glad to see Hailey again. You’ll have to play it cool though, not run wildly through the crowd shouting, “Hailey, I LOVE you.” That would not be cool…

    Like

    Shari recently posted Guess What?.

  31. The President and Vice President of my company (who are brothers) have been talking to someone about buying some equipment. The equipment salesman’s name is Marco, and every single time the brothers are talking about the deal it goes like this:

    Brother #1: So Marco called me this morning…
    Brother #2: Polo!
    Brother #1: …and he says [blah, blah, blah]. So I told Marco…
    Brother #2: Polo!

    Every. Single. Time. I kind of hope this deal is done soon!

    Liked by 3 people

  32. I was thinking of Archer.

    Lana?

    LANA?

    LAAAAAANAAAAAAA???!!!

    Like

  33. So now I think you need to sit by Hunter S. Thomcat, close your eyes, stretch your paws and maybe meow until he holds your hand.

    Like

  34. 35
    kellymlawrence

    I love cats that hold hands.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. 36
    ocularnervosa

    TOGA, TOGA, TOGA!

    Like

  36. Cats are weird. So weird. I think that’s why I like them.

    Kids never run out of clean clothes at camp. Because they wear the same outfit the whole time.

    Liked by 2 people

    becomingcliche recently posted The One Where I Admit I’m Negligent.

  37. 38
    Crystal Pauley

    I have always like Hunter S. Thomcat, but now I absolutely love him and want to snuggle and hold hands with him myself! So stinking adorable!!!

    Like

  38. 39
    Danielle E.

    I wanna go to rodeo summer camp! That’s sounds awesome!!!

    And Hunter S. Tomcat is one of the coolest cats I’ve never met. 😼 Those pictures made me laugh so hard, that I’m actually more awake to go to work.

    Like

  39. I would totally buy a book starring your animals, with your commentary! Those pictures made it such a good start to my day.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. Summer camp in 5th grade changed my life. There might have been a toga party (will not confirm nor deny). Safe travels.

    Like

    Brian recently posted I can’t even.

  41. We did the summer camp thing for years. Wanted to get our kids used to being away from us so they’d leave someday instead of hang out in our basement yelling for meatloaf. Tomorrow we put our kid on an airplane for a year long exchange in Denmark. I think something we did backfired on us…😦

    Like

    Manicmom recently posted Everyone, just chill about Pokémon Go.

  42. I have an orange cat named Dublin that does the exact same thing! And he curls his paw around your finger. It’s called giving the paw. Also, we suspect that Dublin may be a Brittish spy. He is smarter than 90% of the people that live here and more self reliant and functional than all of the people that live here. We are fairly sure he smokes a pipe, wears a fedora and sips brandy when we aren’t home. He never accidentally does anything. If he breaks something it’s intentional and it is the equivilant of finding a horses head in your bed. It means you somehow fucked up and you better fix your fuck up fast or the next thing that breaks won’t be a cheap nick nak – it will be Grandma’s urn with her ashes of something. Or a lit candle. That happened. The candle. Not the ashes. My grandmother were both burried- but when a lit candle gets knocked on the floor there is wax fucking everywhere and you can never clean it all.

    Anyhow- so yeah – my orange cat does that too. But only to the people he loves.

    Like

  43. How sweet! My dogs don’t hold hands. They rake me with their nails for attention, but they don’t hold hands.

    Like

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  44. That.
    Is.
    Awesome!

    Like

  45. That is adorable.

    Tony has this thing where he likes to curl up on my boobs, right under my chin and then I’m like, “But dangit cat, how am I supposed to see to play Farm Heroes Super Saga if I can’t see my phone because you’re in the way?”

    Like

    mommatrek recently posted It’s the little things that I miss the most.

  46. Laziest. Bitchslap. Attempt. Ever.

    As far as camp parties go, I think you only have to worry when the cows are wearing togas too.

    Like

  47. I’m going to try that with coffee. #MARCO

    Like

  48. My ex’s cat used to punch me in the face until I let him under the blankets with me. I also had to be laying on my side, with my knees bent at a specific angle so he could curl up behind them. If I wasn’t, he’d make pathetic noises and keep punching.

    Cats are weird.

    Like

  49. You make me want a cat.

    I am terribly allergic to cats.

    I would lose.

    But I waaaaaaaannnnnnt one.

    Like

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted How I know my husband loves me: he got video full of marmot!.

  50. Sometimes a toga party is just about togas. I’ll bet the kiddo is fine!

    Like

  51. (Do I even need to mention that he’s an orange cat? I’m really starting to think they’re just organically weirder than regular cats.)

    Like

  52. Hunter S. Tomcat has shit waaaaaay more figured out than the rest of us.

    Hell, I’m pretty sure I even managed to phrase that poorly. Can I borrow your cat?

    Like

    actualconversationswithmyhusband recently posted Barking Mad.

  53. Just as long as Otis Day and the Nights wasn’t playing at the toga party, I think it was probably fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  54. MARCO! Is what I yelled in the mall the other day, because I got separated from my friend, and my social anxiety was being a little rat bastard. About five people yelled POLO! Exciting, but not really the result I was hoping for. (My friend eventually found me and was perfectly understanding when I demanded to go home. I have good friends.)

    Liked by 1 person

  55. I’m the cat in this story. I keep trying to hold my cats Loki and Lana’s hand. They resist at first then usually just give in. Every once in a while they reach out and hold my hand makes my day. Also there’s got to be a great story to go along with the toga party can’t wait to hear.

    Like

  56. I hated Marco/Polo until now. This is how I will win everything from now on.

    Happy return of Hailey!

    Like

  57. Our cats (three identical brothers… well… one looks like he ate a fourth brother) only have anything to do with me when they are either hungry, or cold.

    Like

  58. My cat has given up on playing games. Now she just stands on top of me looking all triumphant and shit. Proof is on my blog.

    Like

    The Lady Gnome recently posted Dear Television, I miss you!.

  59. That is hilarious. I just love animals. My Golden Retriever loves to hold hands in the car.

    Like

  60. Isn’t Hailey a little young to be learning how frat parties work? Are you sure you dropped her off at the right camp?

    Like

  61. Jeez your cat is a dick

    Like

  62. I crush harder on Hunter S. Thomcat with each new post of him. I absolutely adore ridiculous orange kitties. I have one at home but he’s pretty old now and just shouts at us in his gravelly old man voice until he gets (or not) his way.

    Like

  63. Oh. I do the same thing to my husband until he pays attention to me.

    I may be a cat.

    Like

    DayLeeFix recently posted A Brake-through, Without Therapy.

  64. 65
    Tracey Lucas

    Been there. Well, with kids being gone for 2 weeks, not the late night barn toga party. (ya. Wow. No, i agree. Scary.) They all came back safely. I immediately wished I had enjoyed their quiet absence more.

    Like

  65. Orange cats really are weird.
    So are toga-parties in cow barns at rodeo camps.
    But then again… this IS Texas, and we do weird right.
    Or wrong.
    Which takes us back full circle to Hunter S Thomcat, so I can tell him… YER DOIN’ IT WRONG!

    Like

  66. That’s kind of endearing. My cat walks all over my boobs and sticks her ass in my face. Which is exactly what The Viking does when HE wants attention. And because he’s a Viking I always pay attention before battle axes and shields become necessary.

    Like

  67. We once went to a toga party on a sailing ship. My husband didn’t wear underwear. There was a breeze. You write the ending.

    Liked by 1 person

    Janet Coburn recently posted Political Noise.

  68. sadly enough my cat’s name is marco polo (it’s fun calling him to eat..or calling him period…hmmmm – can cats get whiplash?)

    Like

  69. Your cat is fucking adorable!!

    Like

  70. I love all of this, and am very jealous of Hailey’s summer camp experiences. My camp was not nearly so awesome.

    Like

  71. Our cat does something very similar. Plus he paws at us to get our attention. “Excuse me, please rub my belly.”

    Like

    Jenny Bristol recently posted Olio #16: Cornell Notes.

  72. […] his hand. You might think he’s just stretching but he won’t stop or open his eyes … Continue reading → […]

    Like

  73. My cats do that, too!

    Like

    Rory recently posted Why Are Manic Episodes So Chaotic?.

  74. 75
    Jennifer A.

    LOL cats are so silly

    Like

  75. These pictures are making my day! I absolutely love the look on his face while “Marco-ing”

    Like

  76. Wierdo cat, wonderful kid is fine. You make me laugh even when I don’t think I can.

    Like

  77. MEEOWCO!

    Like

    Tanya Goffy recently posted Dragonfly Way.

  78. I just thought my elderly cat was getting a bit senile – she does the same thing except her paw has to touch my leg. It’s the most annoying cutest thing ever.

    Like

  79. Hunter just needs to know you still care that he’s there! Sweet Big Boy!
    I’ll just bet Hailey is gonna come back and wanting a horse and a little farm!

    Like

  80. That’s a perfect example of cat yoga.

    Liked by 1 person

    digbydigz recently posted Book Review: Save the Cat!.

  81. So cute, I wish my cats had wanted attention that badly

    Like

    RachaelDewhurst recently posted Wheelchairs in Scotland..

  82. You think what you want, Jenny, but I’m pretty sure this behavior stems from all that cocaine Hunter does at breakfast.

    Like

  83. Maybe he is literally playing Jesus Polo. It looks like he is imagining being spread out on a cross. Does he think he’s the King of Cats? Does he cough up fur balls that look like the Virgin Mary? These are things you should check out.

    Like

  84. 85
    Robyn Funkhouser

    “Try not to think about it” is the story of my life the past six days while my kids are at sleepaway camp. I just last night confirmed that one of them failed to locate the zippered suitcase pouch where his clean underwear were and, well, ONE pair of undies, FIVE days… YOU do the math.

    Like

  85. I had an orange cat named re-named Airre (because that was what he always said). He would flex his paws whenever we said his name. By flexing his paws-I mean-DIG his CLAWS into whatever he was touching. One of my brothers had a GF whom my other brother disliked. Other brother would wait until Airre was on GF’s lap and then say “Airre”. Repeatedly. GF never figured it out. She wound up with claw holes in multiple places on her legs whenever other brother (and Airre, of course) was around. I didn’t much respect her either so I never told her. Other brother and I are mean.

    Like

  86. 87
    Maureen Pisano

    Perhaps it’s time to begin sending her subliminal messages while she sleeps…whisper in her ear, “Don’ t do drugs, don’t have sex, don’t go to toga parties in a barn.” 😜

    Like

  87. 88
    Debra Disney

    I 💜 your cat (s) so hard and Love you for sharing your pets with us❣Enjoy them!
    Welcome home to Hailey, bet she had a blast at camp 🏕.
    🐈🐈🐕😆

    Like

  88. I believe it’s called….
    Meow-co Paw-lo

    Like

  89. Your bohemian ways have rubbed off on him. I know my cats are exceptionally crazy because of me and we love it! BTW, as a fellow bohemian, do you know that we most likely come from a long line of Gypsies who were considered, for a time, to be crazy? You should look into your heritage.

    Like

  90. Oh, it’s so fun to come here! Happy mother and child reunion!

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted Dog Days.

  91. 92
    7cats1dog0marbles

    Jane has to touch you, the dog, the other cats. Why? Because she’s Jane. She also licks the soap.

    Like

  92. Laziest cat ever?

    Well, Jenny. My wife’s uncle has a cat. They call him Garfield, cos clearly, they don’t care about cliches. That’s probably the only cruel thing they did to him, though. They love him like nobody’s business.

    He’s consistently under mortal threat, however. He’s always under serious threat of starving to death. Not because they don’t feed him. But they have to actively push the bowl right under his nose so that he just needs to flick his tongue to get at his snacks. If they accidentally leave the bowl two inches away, he just may decide that “Meh (or meow). Not worth it.”

    I see your Marco Polo cat… and raise you a Garfield.😉

    Like

  93. The fact that your child is having a late night toga party at camp is not surprising me, it was probably her idea, bless her. Awesome.

    Like

  94. I was going to say something about how cats are weird but put a pin in that. Rodeo summer camp!? I only technically grew up in the south (Maryland still counts) and we had to ride on English saddles. If I could have had a shot at being a cowboy, I might have had a lot more fun. Dang.

    Like

    Wolf of Words recently posted Why I Love Pro-Wrestling: The Final Deletion.

  95. Two weeks at rodeo camp?! That’s… awesome.

    Like

    Libby recently posted What Are You Wearing? #OOTD.

  96. omg the last picture and the way he’s squinting his eyes

    Like

    slagzy recently posted When people tell me I should write a blog and they don't know that haha I have one.

  97. I am Aussie and while I have heard of the “Marco!” …”Polo!” thing (my young kids don’t really get it yet; I yell out “Marco!” and they yell back “HERE!”) I don’t know what this ‘fish out of water rule’ is. I’m trying to figure it out from the context but… nup. Just what has Marco Polo got to do with fish? Aside from the fact that he no doubt ate them. Since humans, including Venetian merchant travellers, don’t usually eat fish IN the water.

    Like

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  98. That seems like a cat very much used to getting his way.

    Like

    Nasreen Iqbal recently posted A report from the green party convention.

  99. 100
    Vancouver Barbara

    Pleeeze, pleeeeeeze, make a video of Hunter doing this.

    Like

  100. 101
    Ray rude-ass yankee

    Looks to me like he’s doing a close eyed Rory imitation.

    Like

  101. How can anyone call them dumb animals. They reach across the language barrier to let us know. Like Stewie from Family guy….MOM…MOM…MOM..MUMMA..MUMMA..MUMMA…

    Like

  102. My Tigger sits next to me on the bed when I try to read and taps me, and taps me and taps me on the arm till I hold her paw…Tigger got issues!

    Like

  103. I love Hunter. He appears to be about the same girth and general level of activity of my middle cat, Kodi. Although Kodi hasn’t yet attempted the Marco Polo thing.
    The Hailey-in-a-toga thing reminded me of the Monday I was having (on Monday, surprisingly, because I usually have Monday-style days on Tuesdays) and that I replay the John Belushi “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?” speech on Animal House. Because Animal House = toga party. Also, like several of your commenters, I think I’m probably not helping here so I’ll just … tiptoe quietly away.

    Like

  104. Too much adorbs! :3

    My cat Marco Polos too… but in her version, she takes the “Polo” position by screaming from the opposite floor everyone else is on. The dog sometimes plays along but totally cheats because he never wears a blindfold.

    Like

  105. OMG! Edie does this! Her brother Archie does this too when thinks he’s a dog but she does this f
    From her treat tree or at night when I’m in bed and just wants to bite me…

    Like

  106. I am working on rescuing a feral cat that lives near me…well…I feed him. I am concerned about him because he just showed up with a pretty severe cut on his head…so I am going to catch him and have him neutered and tended to. I write all that to tell you that I have decided to name him Al Catpone…i.e.scarface. Pretty clever for me, I think.

    Like

  107. my kids are at camp this week, first time ever, and I refresh the camp website looking for new pics like an addict. Feels like it’s my job this week. Saw a pic of my daughter the first day and none since. Hopefully she’s still there.

    Like

  108. That is why all the several Morris-the-cats were the Official Cats of 9-Lives: big orange marmalade cats tend to be notoriously lazy, even for cats. You can plop them in front of the camera and not have to worry about their wandering off, they’ll just sit or lay there for hours basking in the heat of the lights, incurious about their surroundings.

    Tell Hunter that it’s time he paid his way around the house and got a few commercial gigs.

    Like

  109. without weird things like toga parties, no one would remember they went to camp. your cat is awesome. thank you.

    Like

  110. Precisely what I was searching for, appreciate it for posting.

    Like

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