The drugs were awesome.

So today I had my endoscopy/colonoscopy procedure and (as you told me) the prep from yesterday was worse than the actual procedure.

From twitter yesterday:

  • Today’s menu : clear liquids, jello and laxatives. Feels like I’m back in college…
  • …except that the nurse says vodka does not count as a “clear liquid”.  Which makes me doubt she’s ever had vodka.  Now I’m said for both of us.
  • This clear broth tastes like I want a hamburger.
  • So, I have to take ANOTHER dose of prescription strength laxatives at 5am tomorrow?  There could not *possibly* be anything left in me.
  • …Victor: “We’re taking your car tomorrow.”  His beside manner, you guys.

I had an anxiety attack waiting for the procedure but I asked twitter to distract me and they flooded with otter videos and stuff like this:

.

I was very high for the procedure and was assured I would feel and remember nothing but still panicked a little when they strapped one of those masks on my face which was supposedly some sort of mouth guard to keep me from biting the scope but which felt more like the mask that Hannibal Lector had to wear to keep from killing people with his teeth.  The anesthesiologist was awesome in that he gave me the BEST drugs but right before he put them in my IV he told me that the drugs can cause super-strong dreams so to think of a good place, and that was nice except that he was like, “Don’t think about work or pain” or a list of other things he told me not to think about which of course I immediately thought about, but it didn’t matter because I didn’t dream and the next second I was in recovery and couldn’t believe it was over so quickly.  Also, I was very high but I didn’t think I was and Victor wouldn’t let me have my phone.

Me: “I’m fine.  I can tweet now.” Victor: “You really can’t.” Me: “I’m totally fine.” Victor: “You keep trying to reboot your water bottle.”

But then he gave up and it’s obvious that he shouldn’t have because I was like, “TAKE MY PICTURE TO PROVE I’M ALIVE” and then I tweeted it because I was too high to realize it was not a good picture.  Victor later defended himself by pointing out that I was sober enough to use a black and white filter but that’s just muscle memory.

Then the doctor came out and showed me close-ups of my insides, and my stomach lining looked like Mars from a distance, which I thought was very pretty but apparently not really what it was supposed to look like because it was “very irritated for unknown reasons”.  (Much like Victor)

Things I learned today: The inside of my stomach looks like an active volcano.

He found some issues but nothing that screamed “THIS IS WHERE ALL HER MISSING BLOOD IS GOING”.  They did a biopsy to check for cancer and another to check for celiac disease, but other than the same stomach ache that’s plagued me for a month I feel fine.

Apparently there’s a part that they couldn’t get to even with the human shishkabobing so I might need to do another scoping where I swallow a pill that’s actually a tiny camera, and I find it weird that we’re living in a future where science can take a ride through my body in a pill but they can’t make fat-free egg rolls.

So basically what I learned is that there’s still something wrong but no clear answers on what exactly, which is sort of how all of my medical misadventures go so I’m kind of used to it.  I should know more in a week or so when the biopsies are finished.  Meh.

On the way out I (literally) ran into the anesthesiologist and I asked him if I said anything mortifying when I was under, but he smiled and gave a wink to Victor and said, “Oh, just about how much you love your husband” and I was like, “Well that’s embarrassing because this is my boyfriend.  My husband’s a real bastard,” and Victor was like “Yeah, we hate that guy.”

PS. When I left they gave me a sticker that said “GET BEHIND COLON CANCER AWARENESS” and I’m not entirely sure if that phrasing was on purpose but it is my new favorite thing.

195 replies. read them below or add one

  1. No news is good news? Hopefully? At least they didn’t find an alien inside. Glad you’re still smiling (probably the drugs, right?).

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s a lovely picture! You look exactly how I felt after having the same procedure 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  3. That sounds rather scary, especially now that you are going to have to swallow a camera! Your photo looks fine.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. 4
    Barbara in Colorado

    I have gastroparesis, so an eternal stomach ache is my normal. I hope you get a diagnosis that’s WAY better than that, like maybe you’re not eating enough ice cream, and are seriously deficient in chocolate, so they prescribe a daily stop at Cold Stone Creamery.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I should not be laughing at colon cancer awareness but i am

    Like

  6. Your stomach lining is very pretty. That is all.

    Liked by 4 people

  7. That’s your bad picture? My good pictures aren’t anywhere near that lovely. :sigh:

    Liked by 4 people

  8. So glad I checked my email before going to bed. Thank you for making me laugh and learn at the same time. Sorry you are going through all this but grateful you can find the humor and share it. Youur stomach insides looks like the movie set from The Martian, minus Matt Damon. You crack me up. From Pillow Fort Worth Texas

    Liked by 1 person

  9. hehehe that’s all Gastroenterologists and colorectal surgeons have going for them. Referring to crap/butthole in-you-end-o’s (see what I did there) as “medical terminology” without getting sued is one of the biggest bennies that no one tells you about when you’re picking the branch of medicine you want to spend the next 3-5 years training for (after med school which doesn’t count because it’s just a party anyway).

    So glad you’re feeling well enough to filter your photos Jenny. And hope the mysterious affliction gets tired of trying to eat you and looks for someone else to pick on. (Just not me. My plate is already full).

    Liked by 2 people

    Gabe Burkhardt recently posted Hiking in Venice?.

  10. Make sure you smile for the camera you swallow.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. 11
    cherylnoble

    Could be stomach irritated by one of your meds. NSAIDS are notorious but also taking them on an empty stomach

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

  12. How in the world could vodka not qualify as a clear liquid? I’m beside myself…

    Like

    mylifeiswear.com recently posted Infertility: It Sucks! No Argument There. How I Found Some Humor Just To Get By.

  13. Rumor has it that anesthesiologists have the best sense of humor. I guess getting people high and keeping them lingering on the verge of a coma or death will do that to a person. Then again, your Dr. may have met his match in you and Victor.

    Feel better, Jenny, and do enjoy the meds. And yay for getting through the bowel prep!

    Liked by 1 person

    Kelly and Geoff recently posted Amazing things to do this weekend.

  14. I wish you didn’t have to deal with all of this, but I am enjoying your narrative. Please stop hurting! XOXOXO

    Like

  15. I don’t know what a stomach lining is supposed to look like…not that??

    I’m glad Victor was there to help you home. After my husband’s colonoscopy, I had to tell him the underwear goes on before the jeans.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. You did say I’m your book that you probably have beautiful intestines… that might not be what it’s supposed to look like, but I totally think they’re gorgeous!

    Like

    supercatgrrl recently posted Happy Birthday Na’niel.

  17. 17
    evilnewwargod

    “I was very high”

    Sounds like my standard weekend.

    Like

  18. The sticker phrasing is totally on purpose. Those GI docs are a hoot and a half:

    We have a friend who’s a GI doctor, the second physician in a large practice. He calls himself the Number Two, Nmber Two Doctor.

    Keeping good thoughts for you!

    Liked by 4 people

  19. Rebecca, my husband gleefully told me, “I totally stopped breathing in there and they had to hook me up to stuff!” when they wheeled him out after his vasectomy.

    And people wonder why we wanted to stop his genetic material from firther spread.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. 20
    Heather Stack

    The pill is fun you get to wear a seriously cool fanny pack. I have been in your shoes. My stomach problems come and go in flares. It is no fun because you never know when it will hit you, but it will build your resourcefulness because you have to learn how to problem solve quickly with bathroom solutions. I wish you a diagnosis, I always feel like if I could ever get a diagnosis then I would feel better. 20 years later no direct cause found but I am always irrated or cysty, or polypy or add a bad adjective that is a result of some procedure.

    Like

  21. You had a better experience than I did. When they dropped a scope on me, I had hiccups every day for a week after, and in the eight years since, I have continued to get hiccups every time I try to drink anything carbonated or eat carrots. It’s truly terrible.

    Like

  22. If the gastroenterologist used one scope I hope the endoscopy was done before the colonoscopy.

    Liked by 2 people

    Gary Lum recently posted A fish out of water.

  23. Wait, so what’s a healthy stomach lining supposed to look like?
    Also do they have to have some kind of light source to be able to take a picture of your insides? I figure they would. If they do, does it show through your stomach and make it glow all red and weird like when you stick a flashlight in your mouth?
    I need to find a gastroenterologist. I have so many questions.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Aw, gee, I hope you find out you need more egg rolls, donuts, and ice cream to fix the problem. And cocktails. Feel better, toots.

    Like

  25. I hope you feel better. But, gee the anesthesiologist is supposed to describe good things to think about, not bad things to Not think about, of course you’ll get that stuck in your head, what are they teaching?

    Like

  26. I am feeling cheated. I had an endoscopy/colonoscopy and THEY DIDN’T GIVE ME KNOCK-OUT DRUGS!!! I just had to drink that AWFUL stuff (I had two procedures that required that awful stuff; the second time, I couldn’t drink it. Had to have my doc phone in to the pharmacy anti-nausea pills but still couldn’t drink it. ick). One of the procedures, they gave me a local and then poked me with something. The other involved that pill-camera thing.

    My “diagnosis” was also “Nothing Definitive Was Found.” To this day, I still don’t know why my body does what it does, what causes it to do “that,” or anything. 😦

    It’s very depressing, but I try not to think about it. My life just is what it is. I’m trying to make the best of it.

    Like

  27. 27
    Talwinder Kaur

    Wow you had quite an adventure and the inside of your stomach looks a lot like blurred colors from a sunset.

    Like

  28. A double human shishkabobbing and you’re still beautifully smiling!!! You are undefeatable.
    And beautiful inside and out, or all the way through.
    Hugs and love,
    greg

    Like

  29. Glad it went well. My daughter has done the pill camera. Easy peasy. It’s slightly bigger than a vitamin. And you wear a recording device in a fanny pack thingy. It records all the info. Then they will review it. Hope you get answers and feel better soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. My endo/colon-oscopy was boring (after the horrific prep). H.Pylori in the belly and polyps in the poo-tubes, meh. But I wanted to tell you about when I worked in a medical call center, and we would get calls for the “gasster-asster-ologist”. All I can say is, thank the gods for the MUTE switch on my headset! Hope you find the culprit for your troubles soon, in the meantime, now that you can have UNclear liquids, have a Dirty Vodka Martini. Or I could have one for you…

    Like

  31. That looks a lot like Mars from my last visit there. It was kind of warm and red, but it didn’t hurt at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. She’s ALIVE!!! I’m glad you made it through being a kabob. Now you can add it to your CV 😉

    Like

  33. 33
    Anonymous

    Oh gosh I love you. Get better soon.

    Like

  34. 34
    kimberley

    When I had a colonoscopy, it was my third or fourth attempt because previous laxative preps made me delirious and insane and couldn’t leave the bathroom floor. One time, I was in the procedure room and needed the toilet so ended up screaming at the doctor then passing out. When I FINALLY had the colonoscopy, my prep was not eating for three days so I kept passing out all over the place. Then ended up in a&e on a drip on Christmas eve.
    FUN HEALTH TIMES

    Like

  35. Hoping for good results, or at least an answer that has vodka as the prescription! That shit cures everything, in my opinion.

    Like

    Andrea G recently posted It’s time for triage.

  36. I got to be a shishkabob this week too! The drugs ARE awesome although the migraine before from not eating and lingering for (now) 3 days is not so fun. Luckily, I was pretty coherent when i woke up, even hubby said so. Hope you get answers soon.

    Like

  37. Glad you made it through the prep and that your boyfriend was there to help instead of your asshole husband. 😉

    And yes, the sticker they gave you was definitely tongue-in-cheek.

    What? Too soon?

    Like

  38. “very irritated for unknown reasons” is my natural state. Hope you feel better soon.

    Like

    theycallmetater recently posted My Life as a Jailbrarian: Prologue.

  39. So glad I read this. I go in for my gastroscopy and colonoscopy today, and I was stressing out A LOT.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. 40
    Mary Kohen

    Glad the procedure is over, you look beautiful in the picture and I am getting a tattoo of the Quinceanera cat somewhere on my body to remind me not to take life too seriously because it is the best thing EVER!!! xo

    Like

  41. I live at the corner of Been There and Done That, and I was NOT going to tell you that the prep is far worse than the procedure. I am so glad you survived it with your sense of humor intact. I hope you get answers, and that those answers prescribe egg rolls and chocolate as part of the treatment.

    Like

    becomingcliche recently posted Looking For the Joy.

  42. I swallowed a camera! And had to wear a monitor for a few (?) days that the camera talked to. The camera stayed inside me much longer than they said was possible but you could look at the monitor and see the talking was continuing. In code, though, so I don’t know what was being said about my insides.

    The worst thing was the strap for the monitor was wide long velcro and there was so much crap on the velcro from other people’s clothes and who knows what else (dogs, cats, fish), that I didn’t want it touching my clothes or me. And something had broken so they rigged the strap in such a way that it pulled fibers from my favorite sweatshirty sweater. Such is the budget of Johns Hopkins. Can’t afford a new strap/case.

    Like

  43. 43
    Anonymous

    I went through the worst constipation of my life after my colonoscopy and endoscopy. Like giving birth to a super villain level pain. Go easy, friend!

    Like

  44. OH that phrasing was intentional. Colon cancer has a sense of humor/whimsy. I have bracelets that ask people to screen their booties and posters of butts in panties that ask you to screen this too. I do think if colon cancer had a brown ribbon, instead of blue, there could be and even more fun to have. (I am a four year colon cancer survivor and am praying my way though magical number year five!)

    Like

  45. Reminds me of all your book tour posts. “Hey, city name, I’m in you.”

    Turnabout is fair play?

    Liked by 1 person

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted “Oh goody. Another project!” I said. RV done yet?.

  46. 46
    Anonymous

    My favorite part of this post is that I got to click on a link in my email that said “Continue reading the drugs were awesome.” I think it would be slightly better with a comma, but still made me happy to click there.

    Like

  47. 47
    ocularnervosa

    I had to be on a liquid diet once. I never realized just how much I enjoyed solids.

    Like

  48. We love you.

    Like

    Burns the Fire recently posted Happy Spring.

  49. You think they’d have some like…imaging test where you could just see a leak somewhere and be like “BINGO!” or whatever they say when they find blood just randomly going where it shouldn’t. Glad the scope went well and maybe the internal spy cam will find a super-villain in there that’s stealing blood to sell for profit.

    Like

    jenndesi recently posted Usually, I’m patient.

  50. Hang in there. Being a medical mystery is No Fun. :/

    Like

  51. It never ceases to amaze me what comes out during the ‘prepping’ stage. And each time I have had to do it, I think, ‘How can I seriously be this full of shit?’ Glad you survived it all. Thanks for sharing the gory details and your beautiful I-am-so-high smile with us! Love you, Jenny!

    Liked by 1 person

    the incurable dreamer recently posted pour me another.

  52. That’s pretty much what the insides of my stomach looks like too, lol. (Crohns)

    Like

  53. I could be funny, I typically try to be in comments…but let me say. You look cute AND little in the photo! That’s all I ever ask for in a picture 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  54. I work with one of the doctors who invented that pill/camera! Watching the recordings from it are like the weirdest IMAX ever.

    Liked by 1 person

  55. Anybody else notice Jenny’s previous post was titled: “Things We Leave Behind”?

    Not sure if that was intentional but I’m pretending it is cuz that would be better than sliced bread and pickles.

    Liked by 1 person

  56. Only you could make something like this so funny and relatable–relatable in that I’ve never had either of these procedures but now I feel like I’ve been there, so thanks for that. Now I know what to expect if I ever have to tubes stuck up my butt and down my throat simultaneously. After my last surgery, I had the most beautiful dream coming out of the anesthetic, and for a minute I thought it was heaven. Then I heard the nurse’s voice and was happy I was still alive, even though if that WAS heaven, it was pretty sweet.

    Liked by 1 person

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 139: I Hate Showers.

  57. Oh, man. How did I miss all this on Twitter? 🙂 Only you could make this procedure less scary. Maybe you should write some hospital prep brochures? 🙂

    Also, Victor is hilarious. I hope he knows this.

    Like

  58. 58
    Stacey Lunsford

    Have they ruled out abdominal migraines? Because that’s a thing.

    Like

  59. I think it’s your gallbladder. Your gallbladder can cause all kinds of awful stomach pains years before it has stones. Unless they already removed your gallbladder — which leaves you fucked, I guess.

    (Already removed. But good guess. – Jenny)

    Like

  60. For what it’s worth, I’ve done the camera-pill swallow thing. It’s not that terrible. All of the sensors they have to tape to you while it’s doing its thing were the most annoying part, if I recall. Good luck!

    Like

  61. My Mom works in the gastro department (she’s a nurse) but due to HIPPA she can never give me hard-core specifics of her day but she’ll let loose w/ ‘little nuggets’ like: Well MY DAY involved a young man, a gigantic hair ball & some loose batteries…….how was YOUR DAY Honey?” I can’t even begin to compete WITH THAT considering my job is in advertising. Wah-Wahhhhhhhhhhhh.Keep on rockin’ Hot Stuff. Your tales of media misadventures & endless shenanigans are the stuff of a cracked-up legend. GO YOU!

    Like

  62. Vodka is DEFINITELY a clear liquid. And believe me, I should know.
    Feel all better very soon, dear Jenny. So much love is being poured in your direction that there’s no way you won’t find yourself all healed up in no time.
    And in the meantime, thanks so much for keeping us informed. We all are thinking of you!

    Like

  63. 63
    Anonymous

    You’re the best at finding humor in life’s pain-in-the-ass (intended) situations. Hang in there. Hope you find answers soon. I have a friend who did the camera pill thing and it wasn’t a big deal. Good luck.

    Like

  64. Yay for drugs!

    Like

    Rhubarb Swank recently posted a curious hole.

  65. Well, Victor being your boyfriend and not husband explains everything! I had a good long chuckle at that statement. Hope all goes well, they find your missing blood (have you thought about putting up flyers to find it?) and all goes as well as possible in your world.

    Like

  66. 66
    MD Runner

    I just want to say that it seems like a lot of people are having similar issues these days. About 15 years ago I had several colonoscopies and endoscopies, CT scans, barium swallows, etc. all came back with things weren’t quite normal but not necessarily abnormal. I had inflammation and bleeding, but my major symptoms were terrible terrible terrible stomachaches when I ate, and other lovely GI distress.

    Ultimately I had to take it into my own hands. I found i am sensitive to dairy and gluten, and once I completely cut those out of my diet felt better. I’ve been symptom free for years. I truly believe our food is so messed up st this point many bodies can’t handle it. Not an allergy, not a disease, just bodies rebelling against the crap we insist on eating.

    Just wanted to share my experience. Best of luck to you and hope you find relief.

    Liked by 1 person

  67. 67
    bluesurly

    Regarding your sticker…I think gastroenterologists must require a quirky sense a humor. Ours has a sheet advertising “Brown bag lunch group for colostomy patients” in his office. Glad you made it through and enjoyed the drugs 🙂

    Like

  68. Glad you made it through all that does not sound like it was fun. But you can put it behind you now 😉 hope the results are good. Picture totally looks like Mars! Keep well..love ya

    Like

  69. A friend of mine did the camera swallowing thing – I’ve forwarded the link to this in case she doesn’t read you regularly. – BTW – they didn’t find anything particular for her, and she eventually just got better, I think.

    Like

  70. Confucius brand fat free egg rolls: http://www.vanskitchen.co/confucius/confucius-chicken-egg-rolls/

    Like

    desertcurmudgeon recently posted Final Funhouse!.

  71. Hmm, well at least it’s good news that there wasn’t something seriously wrong, but still annoying that they can’t give you a definitive answer. Maybe I should have said butt still… 😀

    Like

  72. My husband said to tell you fat free egg rolls exist, but they’re usually mistaken for the tubes at the center of rolls of toilet paper.

    Like

  73. If you do get the camera, be sure to video the light flashing every 4 seconds as it passes through the neck and chest area. Apparently it’s like you’re a Christmas tree from the inside.

    Like

  74. 74
    Alyson Buckman

    I’m so glad you have Victor! If you have to go gluten free, I can help! I’m a gf baker and have a cooking page on Facebook called “The Bookish Baker Goes GF”. It’s private but I’d be honored to add you!

    Like

  75. Please make sure you do your research for the swallowing a camera procedure. I suggest you start off with watching the documentary “Inner Space” with Martin Short and Dennis Quaid which will help you understand the procedure a whole bunch more than some dry research paper that’s based in reality and not at all about how a person can be shrunk to tiny size in order to explore Martin Short’s body.

    Like

  76. My hubby is a GI doc. He has a t-shirt that says “we stand behind our patients.” Sigh…. Weird Dr humor.

    Like

  77. 77
    Nangleator

    COLON CANCER AWARENESS IS FUNDAMENTAL.

    Like

  78. I love you Jenny! Even after seeing your angry insides…

    Like

  79. So definitely vampires then. Time to spray the attic with garlic!

    Like

  80. Been there, done that. Both the prep and procedure was super easy and not at all how I’d read. When my gf picked me up afterwards I did scream “THERE’S MY RESPONSIBLE PERSON” (since they don’t release you unless a responsible person comes and claims you) and then we both broke into hysterical giggles and I think the nurses wondered about us.

    Like

  81. You look awesome post op! I look dead in the pic my hubby took of me on Monday 🙃

    Like

  82. I love the picture of you when you’re stoned. I think it’s awesome. Also, ” I find it weird that we’re living in a future where science can take a ride through my body in a pill but they can’t make fat-free egg rolls” made me actually LOL. 😀

    Like

    Chi recently posted Molting.

  83. 83
    Jenny Also

    Your experience sounds so similar to mine – they were convinced it was a bleeding ulcer, went in there with the scopes and it was actually celiac disease. The good news is, after I went gluten free, my stomach felt 100% better in a week. And after a few months of GF plus iron & vitamin B supplements I felt amazing for thr first time in years.

    Like

  84. At my surgery I was a smart ass. You know how they ask you who you are and your birthday and occasionally ask what you are there for? I got inside the operating rm and the techs, anesthesiologist, and Dr were standing around. They asked, “Okay, do you know what you are here for. I answed, ” Breast implants?!”. There was a few gasps and flurry of papers rustling as they rechecked their info. Then aI told them I was just joking. They loved it. Sometimes you just gotta break the ice, lol.

    Like

  85. 85
    valleycat1

    A healthy colon is pretty much the pale pink color you see on those posters in the doctor’s office, not flaming red and orange. For my first colonoscopy I was drugged up but aware enough to get to watch moments of it on the video monitor; in one diverticula there was still a kernel of corn from who knows when, despite all the laxatives. FWIW, my husband has colonoscopies with no sedation and claims it is not a big deal.

    Like

  86. Just sharing … my friend’s mom had mystery stomach pain and severe bouts of anemia for several years, but every test came back negative; they could not figure out what was going on.
    She had another episode earlier this month, and the doctors FINALLY figured out that she has a hiatal hernia, which had progressed to the point that her stomach had shifted through the hernia so far, it was actually behind her lungs. The x-rays finally “caught” the stomach while was “loose” and she’ll be having hiatal hernia surgery next month. Any chance that’s what’s going on with you? Regardless, I hope you feel better soon, and you DID look fabulous after your procedure. XOXO

    (When I was in ER with that gastro attack they did a bunch of scans and sonograms to check for that and didn’t see anything. I had a hernia last year and had it repaired so I guess it’s possible that it happened and again and they missed it. Not fun though. Hernia recovery was way worse than gallbladder recover for me. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  87. Sometimes when I read your posts, I pee a little. Especially when I read this: ““Well that’s embarrassing because this is my boyfriend. My husband’s a real bastard,” and Victor was like “Yeah, we hate that guy.”

    Liked by 1 person

    terib19 recently posted Manchester.

  88. 88
    Deb Allmeyer

    Absolutely the funniest post I’ve read in ages…I had to redo my makeup!! May there be definitive diagnosis in your future! Thanks for making me laugh so hard!!

    Like

  89. 89
    pangolinpatterns

    So, at my church is a woman who tends to overshare personal medical details during joys in concerns. In response I tended to tune out most of the details, but I got the gist of her woes when she had one of those pill cameras get lost in her insides for many weeks. Maybe 2-3 months. They tried scanning her to find where it went, and couldn’t find it anywhere in the interim. Eventually, it magically showed back up.
    I share this, because if anyone else is going to get a pill camera lost inside of them, it’ll be you — and I thought you’d want to be forewarned.

    Like

  90. Don’t worry dear. Everything is going to be ok. So glad you found it within your self to keep us updated.Please get all the
    rest you can.

    http://motherhood-chaoticallybeautiful.com/2017/05/25/confessions-of-a-working-mom-part-2-of-2-the-weekday-mom/

    Like

  91. I’ve had stomach issues all my life. Nausea in the mornings was my biggest problem and I’ve never been pregnant so it wasn’t that. Doc put me on Omeprazole daily but then I read about the side effects so I weaned myself off of it. Now, when my stomach hurts, I eat a few organic unsalted almonds and the pain goes away. I read it somewhere and it works! I also cannot drink white wine or eat oranges any more. We get weirder as we age. Be well!

    Like

  92. I bet when that camera goes in, you’ll be able to hear Ms. Frizzle and the kids talking about your wonderful innards!

    Like

  93. After my husband’s colonoscopy, he repeatedly (like more than a half dozen times) told me with a stupid smile on his face “they brought me a tepid blanket.” Good for them and enough already, haha!

    Like

  94. The cool little robot camera which I’m certain is not being piloted by Dennis Quaid, is how they finally found my uncle’s bleed. They fix him right up 😉

    Like

  95. That is so NOT a horrible picture! You did great and just think the next step is to literally be like the movie “Innerspace” with Martin Short and Dennis Quaid! Too bad the super cute 1980s Dennis Quaid won’t be driving the pill-robot-camera thingy. That is awesome! I wish Victor would have recorded what you said under the anesthesia, I bet it was the best! As far as your disappearing blood, I am still under the belief that the Vampire Brotherhood is finding a way at you.

    Like

    thompsonhouseblog recently posted A Long Weekend.

  96. See? I told you! The drugs rule! I did the little pill camera thing, too. That was boring as hell. I was hoping that there might be a cool, psychedelic movie shown afterward of this little guy with a camera, riding along in my insides and showing me the sights. “Here’s the 8th wonder of the world! Your LIVER!” As for not knowing what is really going on, think of this as really great writing material. 💓

    Like

    ReallyLoriRose recently posted The literary equivalent of Alex Kintner after the shark ate him. .

  97. Please, Pa-leese, paste that sticker on your butt and go shopping for anything you want. You deserve it!!!

    Like

    Patricia recently posted Card Catalog Crush.

  98. Ok, this is totally making me laugh and feel better, since next Friday I go in for the shish-ka-bob procedure (my doctor did NOT call it that, but I’m going to), also for stomach pain and chronic anemia. I’m glad it wasn’t all that bad, and that the drugs are good. I can’t decide if I’m hoping for a Celiac diagnosis or not.

    Like

  99. Have you checked to see if they left a “Get Behind Colon Cancer” sticker on your butt, too? I doubt that Victor would tell you….

    Like

  100. When you mentioned the tiny pill camera, it immediately brought to mind the Spongebob episode where he and Patrick accidentally shrink themselves with Sandy’s device and go inside Squidward to find the clarinet reed he’d swallowed, and (after eleven minutes) Patrick hits the button to enlarge them again, while they’re still inside Squidward. I hope your procedure is less eventful.

    Like

    TexasTrailerParkTrash recently posted Oh, Donald. You Are Totes Adorbs..

  101. Oh man, you are like my real doppelganger. I have similar issues with health, but my doctors just shrug their shoulders and tell me I am an enigma……whilst i suffer allergic reactions to everything and multiple digestive issues. Sigh! The endoscopy drugs were amazing. 😉

    Like

  102. 102
    Leslie Palmer

    U look supercute in this pic. I have t get a colonoscopy next month and I will channel your hystericallness for my visit. And I WANT one of those stickers! Luv U!

    Like

  103. On swallowing the tiny camera…….they bring it out in this 5″ long giant capsule looking thing, but don’t panic. That’s the case. And if you get it done in NYC, you have the bonus of getting a letter saying you are not a bomb. Cuz they send you home for 8 hours wearing a belt with computer pack and a whole lotta leads going all over your body in and out of your shirt and pants. I see their point. And then my favorite part, when asked what happens to the camera, the doctor said “You just stool it away”. I always wanted to use stool as a verb. My whole life. Mission accomplished.

    Like

  104. You have beautiful innards, Jenny. Feel better soon!

    Like

  105. Oh just hooray for gut checks! In unending process of mine because “Oh look! We found a thing we could never find before! Let’s take it out!”

    Like

  106. Sending you vodka vicariously. I’m kinda a pro now at the scoping thang having had them since 2002 and I’m still alive! I think this is a positive thing!

    Like

  107. So funny and well-written about a crappy kind of topic on a good day! Sorry to hear that they weren’t able to find answers for you…keep your chin up…your answers will come!
    I thought you were going to write…’which makes me doubt she’s a real nurse’ with the vodka comment! (and I don’t even drink)!
    Loving reading your posts! Thank you

    Like

  108. Egads, I had to have a colonoscopy last year and that prep stuff is… {{{shudder}}}

    Drunk or medicated tweets are the best. I have actually gone back the next day after a good night on the town and copied my drunk tweets from the previous night to a txt file so I could keep them. Here’s a sample night from several years ago:

    Where’s my twa(ert? I’m drink again$ BIg surprise. Merry fucking Chjrisztnmas!
    (Translation: twa(ert = Twitter)

    Not lost his time. Frriend actuallyt morew sobver than me. Dfuckoingf miracke!

    Stauing a HOJO. Bed bouncy. Cheap motel. Wehat was I saying? Stop laughoing at me. I’m typing hjewre!!!

    Smirnoff ices make u burp. Burping gives u bad breath$ that’s it.

    Like

  109. 109
    jennikitchen

    You just described my medical journey from a few years ago. I ended up on a vegetarian and gluten free diet for a year to help everything heal. I am still gluten free. I also ended up needing a blood transfusion and an iron infusion. Turned out I was losing too much blood during menstruation and now I take the same medicine they give old people getting their hips replaced to not bleed out. The camera is interesting to swallow. It has a flashing light. Kind of like a robotic bumblebee.

    Like

  110. Jenny: Right there with you girl! Has your Doc vetted Von Willebrand disease? My father had this show up in his late 70’s and had many similar issues to you. http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/von-willebrand-disease/symptoms-causes/dxc-20261647
    Many people with von Willebrand disease don’t know it because the signs are mild or absent. The most common sign of the condition is abnormal bleeding. The severity of the bleeding varies from one person to another.
    Shot in the dark but ask your hematologist!
    FEEL BETTER 🙂
    XStacy

    Like

  111. At least from this experience you have 2 tentative titles for your next book: “Very irritated for unknown reasons” and “THIS IS WHERE ALL HER MISSING BLOOD IS GOING”

    Like

  112. Hugs and live! My husband had the same procedure two weeks ago. They found an ulcer and MANY polyps but did not solve his stomach pain. They think his gall bladder may be the issue so he has to have more testing for that next week and then will have to have surgery to remove a few inches of his colon (!) in order to get ride of the last two pesky polyps. Supposedly this is routine but it seems like any procedure where they remove part of you and sew the rest back together shouldn’t be considered routine. Anyway, I hope the doctors will be able to find the cause of your pain soon and that you won’t need surgery. But if you do, you and my husband can be GI surgery buddies! I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who thinks that’s awesome…

    Wishing you a speedy recovery!

    Like

  113. 113
    cyhyraeth

    I had the stomach scope to confirm my definately-celiac-disease (that solved MY mystery anemia, anyway). But apparently I gargled the numbing agent poorly, and my gag reflex kicked in halfway through the proceedure because I remember trying to spit the mouthguard out so i could ease some of the discomfort.
    Then I was flattened by a nurse. That should have added to the discomfort, but either they topped up the drugs, or i just decided to roll with it and went back to sleep. Still, at least I didn’t try to sing to them, which is what usually happens when they put me under anesthesia.

    Like

  114. Your picture is exactly how I felt after my procedure! It’s awesome and beautiful.

    Like

  115. OMG. The drugs they give you. I had this exact procedure done and I wanted to take a bag of those drugs home. They thought I had cancer and I still was super happy. Sadly about 2 days later I had a severe depression bout…. what goes up must come down. SO be prepared for that just in case. 🙂 Hope they figure out what is up!! Much love!

    (I totally just had an unexpected cry jag at lunch for no reason at all. It freaked me out. I suspect it might be the drugs or maybe just post-procedure relief that it’s over for now. Bodies are weird. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  116. 116
    Anonymous

    Positive thoughts. You can publish a book of photos called “Photos Under The Influence.”

    Like

  117. Oh sweetie, I’m sorry you had to go through that. But hey..you get to swallow a super futuristic sciencey pill soon so..score?
    Maybe?

    Like

  118. Your picture is great! Mine with a massive, swollen eye due to a black fly bite is definitely questionable to have posted. (So I’ve been told)

    Like

  119. Sorry you have to go through this! Hopefully everything comes back clear! You look awesome on the picture BTW!

    Like

  120. Oh Jenny! I’m supposed to have a colonoscopy soon, once all the cancer bullshit is behind me. You did it and you’re my hero xoxo.

    Like

    Kelly's Cancer Beat Down Blog recently posted My Mastectomy Anniversary and My Heart Attack that Wasn’t a Heart Attack.

  121. My 13-year-old daughter had to do the pill-cam thing to diagnose her colitis. The clear liquid diet and not being able to eat anything the morning of the procedure was rough. But the pill cam thing was very weird and cool and she was basically blue-tooth enabled for the day, which was awesome.

    Like

  122. 122
    Shanna H.

    Sending hugs and happy thoughts to you! I know waiting for the results sucks. All I could think of was this when you were talking about your situation. Since you didn’t have the “special”, that can be ruled out. Hehe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrxlbLVcpqI

    Like

  123. I’m glad that the procedure went well. I had about the same experience when I had mine. Except with my anesthesiologist, I had the nurse find her and thank her for me not being awake, and then I saw her and called to her to thank her myself. The first EGD/colonoscopy, I was awake. It sucked as much as it sounds. “Twilight sedation” my ass. The second EGD was the one I had to let the anesthesiologist know that the drugs worked. lol. It’s actually embarrassing when I think back on it.
    ANYWAY, I’m glad that you are doing okay. I hope that the results come back okay too and I hope they can take care of your problem though. xoxo

    Like

  124. Glad to hear you’re okay.
    Jealous of your knockout drugs. I got them for my camera up the woohoo procedure but they didn’t give me jack for the “we’re gonna pump all this blue glowing shit into your uterus” test. And that test suuuucked. They kept losing the seal so the blue shit like poured out of me and they had to ram the speculum/funnel way on up there and my cervix was all “CLAMP!” and then my falopian tubes totally locked down and they couldn’t get the dye to go into them so they pumped more in and muscle relaxants but that didn’t work and all they got was my uterus inflating like a balloon full of glowy dye and my tubes and cervix and whole womb region trying to disgorge themselves all over the doctor.
    Apparently I screamed most of the way through it, husband could hear me in the waiting room.
    Embarrassing.

    Not being able to eat though, man, that makes me so stabby. Swallowing a camera sounds interesting, tell them to give you a copy of the video!

    Like

  125. Feel better. Not knowing is hard–even harder than the prep. I got the catch-all ‘IBS.’ A naturopath finally helped figure me out for realz. I hope your solution is just as easy. ❤

    Like

    Kristine @ MumRevised recently posted 100 Lessons from 100 Years.

  126. 126
    Donna Worth

    I think that if they can make a pill camera they should be able to make the prep easier.

    Like

  127. 127
    Anonymous

    I’m on the five year plan for the ol’ camera up the poop chute (family history of colon issues), so I know the process well. Yup, the prep’s the worst part. Fun fact (maybe): The drugs they give you screw up your brain’s ability to form memories, so you wind up with a blank spot in your recollection of the time around the procedure. Here’s the fun part. When you recall a memory, it’s pulled out of storage and then refiled, and the drugs can interfere with that refiling. This technique is being tried to treat PTSD. The next time I’m in, I’m gonna pull up every anxiety-producing memory I can think of and give ’em a thorough review as long as I can. With luck, they’ll get tossed in the recycle bin before I wake up!

    Like

  128. I just love you. That is all.

    Like

  129. I should not be laughing at this, but I can’t help myself. Only you could make having a colonoscopy hilarious!

    Like

  130. Ok, so…we’re back to attic vampires to explain the missing blood, right?

    I’ve been there about the ‘we’re not sure what’s going on’ but on mental health issues. It’s very weird to have someone say ‘well, huh… we’ve never actually run into that’ when they’re talking about mental health. I was told by both a psychiatrist and a psychologist that they’d never seen anyone who was so deeply clinically depressed not only functioning without medication but actually holding a job and not curled up under a bed in an institution. Testing showed that both my social and ‘general’ anxiety were also things that should have me completely non-function but yet, there I was (and here I am) not in an institution, not on medication and somehow making it through life.

    Hooray for the Medically/Mentally Anomalous?!

    Like

    msdarkstar recently posted N is for Nobody Home.

  131. Oh I love you Jenny. And that’s a FANTASTIC photo. You are so high! And good for Victor for playing along with the boyfriend thing. That was excellent. And I agree. Tiny cameras in a pill like that awesome Dennis Quaid movie, but still no fat free fried things. Guess we gotta take the good with the bad. Get better my love. 😉❤️💋

    Like

  132. 132
    Laura SC

    My husband had to have a colonoscopy last year. He delayed for some time, and I had to keep reminding him to make an appointment. He finally got on the phone to them. I heard him giving them his name, and telling them he was calling to schedule a colonoscopy. Then I heard him hang up. He looked embarrassed. I asked if there was a problem. There was. He had misdialed. He had just tried to make a colonoscopy appointment with the local Toyota Service department.

    Liked by 1 person

  133. Sounds like mine…I remember pointing to the image of my colon and saying “Look at all the colors!” Then I think they upped the night-night drugs.

    Like

  134. Sorry you still don’t have answers, but at least you had a good time!

    … and as wrong as Victor usually is, I can’t imagine a world without him. Yeah, we hate that guy. 😉

    Like

    emelle28 recently posted Crying Jags.

  135. After I had the same procedure I told my husband a zillion times, “Steve was so nice. He gave me a warm blanket.”…I do not remember saying it once. I do not remember Steve. I do not remember anything….Yep, good drugs.

    On another note that might make you laugh….my mom just finished reading both your books (I have many of the same issues you have). I just called her in a panic about to fucking lose it because I have to load up for the farmer’s market tomorrow (I sell goat’s milk soap) and the idiot organizer said in the last email we would be parking in the tiny little wedge, but hasn’t given us space assignments yet and my anxiety was getting ramped up because “what if I can’t park my big truck?, What if I’m in the middle? What if I run into a canopy and make them all go down like dominoes? What if I run over a small child?…..AAARRRGGHHH. So I asked to borrow her little tiny truck to which she replies…

    Of course you can use my truck. Also, I’m in the city. Do I need to find you a taxidermied animal?

    Panic attack averted…(thanks for giving her that material to use on me. It totally worked.)

    Like

  136. I’m having oral surgery on Tuesday and I’m not scared about the procedure, I’m scared of having a panic attack before the the sleepy juice soaks in, so I feel you hard. Let’s hope the single xanax they prescribed does the deal of calming me down and here’s to, as you say, not remembering a thing. 😁 Glad it went well and hope they figure out where the tiny intestinal vampires are hiding.

    Like

  137. Nothing quite like being a roasting pig on a spit. I got the endoscopy & colonoscopy at the same time & I don’t remember a thing cause those drugs are amazing. To bad they still haven’t found out whats wrong.

    Like

  138. 138
    Lisa McDermott

    Oh, yeah. It was on purpose. Those colonoscopy folks have a wicked sense of humor, and I’m not even kidding. Glad you liked the drugs.

    Like

  139. I tried to find you fat free egg rolls, but apparently they really only exist if you make them which is way too much work and fat is tasty.
    HUGS!!!

    Like

  140. You always make me laugh, no matter what you are going through.

    Like

    The Hellion recently posted 15 Words That Sound Dirty But Aren’t.

  141. 141
    tiffanie

    that was all kinds of hilarious, and thank you for killing my appetite, the snack food binge I had planned for this afternoon will not be happening after all. yay!

    Like

  142. well now I have ideas for my cat. Thanks. I do hope that you get to the bottom of this so to speak. Fair warning, the pill camera is a big, fat mofo of a pill.

    Like

    Laura recently posted does character even count anymore.

  143. You’ve read David Sedaris’ hilarious bit about getting a colonoscopy right?! Give him a run for his money in your NEXT book! 😅😂🤣

    Like

  144. You’ve read David Sedaris’ hilarious bit about getting a colonoscopy right?! Give him a run for his money in your NEXT book! 😅😂🤣

    Like

  145. 145
    Anonymous

    The Magic School Bus?!

    Like

  146. 146
    Anonymous

    Sounds like mine only I have been pooping blood for weeks. They also told me that I need to go for the swallow camera test after getting the date and instructions they told me due to Medicare cutback my insurance won’t cover it. So one or twice a week I bleed stool and we have become disposable

    (Motherfucker. That sucks so bad. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  147. Those pillcam capsules start taking pictures as soom as the little box they come in is opened, so definitely a photo opportunity BEFORE you swallow it! It’s also still taking pictures once it hits the toilet bowl at the end of its magical journey – I work with GI doctors, and have seen images at the end of a pillcam video of a patient peering over the rim of the toilet, then reaching in to grab the pillcam out, like some ghastly souvineer. Don’t do that for two reasons 1. It’s gross and 2. We don’t need the capsule back for the next patient! Ewww.

    Like

  148. 148
    skubitwo

    i do them every two years for colitis. my husband every 5 years for benign polyps. our children are adults, but still sooooo not excited to hear us creak out the stories.
    my SIL suggested mixing the citrate of magnesia with white wine to get it down (white is colorless). sounds good but the nurse said she’d tell the doc for one, and second, she’d worry it would forever ruin the taste of a good white.
    and, dang it, she’s probably right. brrr, blech, ack, nasty nasty stuff.
    Dave Barry’s column on the subject is an oldie but goodie.
    http://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article1928847.html
    despite that, it’s still somewhat reassuring to actually get a result.
    hope you get this figured out soon. you’ll make a great medical journal article for someone. : )
    (there’s a story of an Australian dog on Atlas Obscura that sits on 7 questionable medical journal editorial boards – Olivia Doll – sign Dorothy Barker up now)
    seriously, good luck and best wishes with it all.
    and to Anonymous, yes. there seems to be no such thing anymore as a compassionate conservative in Washington.
    so, up to us to fight back with hope. my local community mental health center is partnered with a steakhouse for Thursday night dinner donations (like an ‘adopt a school program’ —seriously), and Amazon Smile, trying to raise enough money to keep going.
    In the 70’s, there was a bumper sticker about schools and bake sales and air force bombers –
    i need a couple thousand to cover my car with. Do what you can to fight back, even if it’s just quietly sharing your story so people know the real truth for the “ordinary” citizen who isn’t a millionaire.

    Like

  149. Glad it went well.. hopefully they figure out the issue soon.

    Like

  150. 150
    Theresia

    Heh. And that’s why you and Victor are successful! He’s your boyfriend.
    Your’e like a younger Goldie and Kurt.

    Like

  151. A former coworker’s sister was losing blood so bad she ended up in the ER needing a transfusion. It turns out her uterus was soaking it up like a sponge. Clearly they’re already on some sort of path with you, but if they don’t find anything, it’s a thought.

    Like

  152. My mom and I both have a lot of those fun conditions that take years to diagnose. The only real difference is that she is a psycho-crazy-screaming MANIAC after anesthesia.

    Sorry you don’t have answers yet, but at least you no longer have camera up your bum.

    Like

  153. HHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA This made me laugh SO hard. I have had several of these and the Versed drug they gave me resulted in some way cool amnesia – I have no memory of the doc talking to hubby and me after it, or getting home. I dimly remember saying “sooo cozy” when I hit my own bed that afternoon and zonked for two hours. My diagnosis was terrible diverticulitis and after several of these and so many CTs (12, yes really) that I glow in the dark at parties I decided on the removal of seven inches of my colon (the sigmoid part that takes a right turn, crap was literally getting stuck). And it worked. Now I am 20# heavier, Yay. Ha ha ha ha ha. I am sending bright light and love from woo woo California, my dear.

    Liked by 1 person

    vtaluna recently posted How my mind works….

  154. I’m going through EXACTLY the same thing you are! I swallow the capsule in two weeks. Here’s to figuring out where all the blood has gone! (My money’s on aliens or vampire bartenders.)

    Like

  155. I know this will just make you paranoid but there is a disorder in people of Mediterranean descent called Thalassemia (Major or Minor). – My Mom had minor and always had anemia. She also had stomach issues at times just like I do. It’s such a rare dysfunction a lot of Drs don’t think to test for it. Hang in there!

    Like

  156. Hope you are feeling better. I had similar procedures not long ago to find out why my stomach hurt so much. All the technology in the world and still no answer. Then the doctor saw a box of Hot Tamales fall out of my handbag. “Maybe you could lay off of those.” CURED!

    You’re not eating lots of Hot Tamales, right?

    (Wouldn’t it be great if this was my cure? Never ate them. Although I do eat a lot of jalapeños. Hmm.. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  157. 157
    Tammy Land

    I had only a colonoscopy last week. I feel as if I may have been cheated on any of the good drugs. Man! That sucks! If they’re going to violate me like that, they could at least give me something to make me feel vaguely happy about it!!! Glad you are talking about this. I feel like I have to apologize every time I mention I had a gasp colonoscopy!! People!! You need them!!
    I hope you get positive answers soon!!!

    Like

  158. I was very sick for a while, and an upper endoscopy was part of the testing that my doctors ordered to figure out what was wrong with me. I was lightly medicated when they put the bite guard thingy in my mouth, and just before the medication knocked me out, I remember thinking, ‘this is how a blow-up doll looks.’ Then, I gave this embarrassing little single-laugh. Then I woke up at home, in spite of the fact that my husband insisted that I was awake and responsive at the surgery center before they would let me go home.

    On the plus side, the procedure DID help the doctors reach a diagnosis. Plus, every time I think of that procedure, the memory of those last semi-conscious moments makes me laugh.

    Like

  159. 159
    Marjorie J. Birch

    Did you have supersonic farts afterward? I sure did! Man, I thought I “channeling” Louis Armstrong!

    Like

  160. I have Crohn’s disease so I’ve had a million of these procedures. The truly awful one is where they make you drink this banana flavored barium crap. Anyway, after my first endo/colonoscopy combo I was starving, and asked my sister for some crackers. I then apparently threw a fit because she didn’t put any milk in the bowl with them. Good times.

    Like

  161. Did both recently also. Apparently I came out of anesthesia quoting Monty Python: “I feel Happy! I feel Happy!”

    Like

  162. 162
    Anonymous

    So sorry you are having to go through all of this. You are loved and amazing. Your posts make me laugh until I cry – even though you’re going through hell. Talk about talent. There are days you keep me going and give me the laugh I need. I hope we’re all helping you right back during this truly shitty time!

    Like

  163. 163
    Jennifer

    I don’t know if anyone has mentioned, but you might want to get some of that yogurt with the “pro-biotics” (no amateurs for you my dear…you’re worth the pro) to help re-establish the healthy/GOOD bacteria that normally lives in your large intestine. It would help avoid the constipation problem someone mentioned in the comments. Good luck!!

    Like

  164. 164
    Anonymous

    I recently had a colonoscopy and can totally relate to having to drink that shit again in the morning. I had to talk myself into taking it. Like drinking instant flu. I didn’t get any good drugs tho, just a great nap.

    Like

  165. 165
    Beth Hunter

    My favorite parts of taking my husband for him was getting off the freeway and him grabbing his arm and freaking out that they didn’t his IV out. Then he called his dad and told him it went well, hung up, and then 3 minutes later telling me he should call his dad to let him know how it went. Even though I told him he already had, he did it again two more times. Then the doctor told him to take it easy on the food for the next day or two. The night before he told me we had to stop at BK for a burger and onion rings. He was super drowsy and I almost passed it until he grabbed my arm and screamed “YOU PROMISED ME ONION RINGS!!!” It super entertaining for me though because of the drugs.

    Like

  166. 166
    Anonymous

    I’m proud of you for being that aware right after surgery! I think I slept about 18 million hours after my last surgery and then tried to convince the nurses that I came I’ll walk to the car without a wheelchair. I could not.

    Like

  167. As someone who recently had a quincenera for my cat, I approve of this picture!

    Like

  168. 168
    Anonymous

    ‘a sticker that said “GET BEHIND COLON CANCER AWARENESS”’

    Oh, oh, oh, OH! I think we need a photo of this! Well, it would help awareness. I guess. 🙂

    Like

  169. My Dad had to swallow one of those camera things and he told me that there is a blinking light on it so you can see it in your poop and know that it has come out of your body. BLINKING POOP. Science is amazing.

    Like

  170. Okay that is my new favorite meme. And you look great in the picture!

    Like

  171. It’s not a bad picture of you per se–it’s just a matter of you looking really, really, REALLY high in it, that’s all. (But a very happy high, so that’s OK!) All I know is that the next time they decide to Roto-Rooter my colon, I want whatever the hell they gave you, because I’ve NEVER had that much fun getting it done. First of all, they’ve never given me enough drugs to totally knock me out to begin with, so I always end up looking over at the screen and thinking “fuck, all that Nu-Lytely and I still didn’t get completely cleaned out?!?”, plus the first time they gave me so few painkillers that it HURT. I’m glad you got to be totally and happily stoned, though; you’ve been through enough crap (literally AND metaphorically) that you deserve it. (And don’t feel bad about the crying jag; that tends to happen after being put under anesthesia, sometimes as much as a week or so later. I had that happen after both my bowel resection and my appendectomy–the drugs alone are a hell of a shock to the system, and if they cut into you at all, which it sounds like they did for the biopsies, it’s even worse. Get Victor and Hailey to look after you for a few days, and you’ll be fine.)

    Like

  172. 172
    Rivergoddess

    I think you look maavelous!
    It is a pity that you couldn’t swallow that pill now. Why waste a good clean-out?

    Like

  173. I had one done too. As I was sitting in the waiting room I watched all of these people being taken out in wheelchairs, all groggy and out of it. I had second thoughts about having it done if I was going to feel like that. When they woke me up I had the energy of a houseful of five year olds. I best drugs ever, but subway was my first stop. Glad all went well for you.

    Like

    plby2016 recently posted Friday Deals 2.

  174. Hope you don’t have to return the camera you swallow like I did!

    Like

  175. I’ve had three colonoscopies and one esophaguscopy (sp) and all of them involve cleaning out the pipes. By the time you get to the hospital you don’t care. And once they wrap you in warm blankies and give you neat little slippers to wear, you realize the worst part is over.

    Except for the photo of your innards at the (you should excuse the expression) end. What is really annoying, my husband has had to take that awful stuff too, and he just drinks it right down. I hate him. But, then, he’s a big radish/vinegar dude, and I am not. Our taste buds are totally different.

    I suggest you stay away from relish, gingerale and anything else with a bite to it, it will taste AWFUL for at least a year.

    Im just glad they didnt find anything major staring back at them.

    Like

    judyt54 recently posted Last year, closets; this year, books (6WS).

  176. Turk & JD say, “CHECK THE POO!”

    Like

  177. I suffered from very low anemia for years. It rendered me unable to stand for more than a few minutes at a time, could not walk further than 50 yards without pain. I had no stamina, and as a result of all this, I gained weight. My ferritin got as low as 6, when it should be over 100. My doctors at first said, “Go home and lose weight”. I finally got fed up with that, and then they put me through the battery of tests you’re going through now. Nothing showed up to demonstrate the cause, other than my uterus, which was still having monthly massacres. Of course, THAT couldn’t possibly be the problem! I was only in my late 30s, early 40s. I tried every dietary supplement, ate my spinach and beef, nothing worked. Then, a male client told me he was being treated for anemia with a B-12 deficiency by a prominent blood doctor at our local university hospital. I went to see that doctor with my last set of labs, over a year old. He took one look at them and scheduled me for iron infusion therapy. It was a weekly visit for 6 weeks straight where I’d sit in the chemo lab hooked up to what looked like a big bag of French Roast. It worked wonders, but I kept having to go every 4-6 months, because my uterus was still trying to kill me. I ended up finally convincing my gyno to take it out, and once it was gone, my anemia hasn’t returned. Now, cue both my early 20s daughters complaining of similar symptoms. Off to our blood doctor they went, ferritin also at rock bottom. Both had infusion therapy, but now it’s just ONE visit and BAM they were done. Modern medicine. They have to go back too, since they’re not ready to rid themselves of their uteruses (uteri??) yet. I encourage you to find a doctor skilled in treating blood disorders and stop with these unnecessary tests and supplements. Just get the infusion therapy and you’ll be in much better shape. Much less tired, much more stamina. Hugs.

    Like

  178. ok I wrote this big long post, had to log into word press and I think it went to la la land. In any case, it’s related to the above link. I was recently diagnosed with a MTHFR mutation, yes exactly like motherfucker. It’s very common but not very well known. It’s caused me 30 years of medical mysteries, including anxiety, depression, weird vitamin deficiencies, anemia, fatigue, thyroid issues etc. the only doctors I’ve found who take it seriously are people who specialize in nutragenimocs and recently more OBs seem to believe in it because it causes unexplained miscarriages.

    I hope you read this. It would be great to spread the word. Not that I wish this on you but half the population has it. Basically your body can’t process folic acid and you need folate instead. It’s a simple blood test and if you don’t have it no harm no foul but if you do it could answer all of your questions and we can write a book together? 😉. I’m kidding about the book but I do with there was more mainstream information out there. Wishing you well with no more poking and prodding. At the very least maybe you can try something like “b smart” and see if you start to feel better.

    Please read me!!! Teri

    Like

  179. My brother has done the shish-kabob routine and the pill camera (that is what I really think is fascinating — will they give you a copy of the film?) and I know how sucky it is to not have answers. The best thing about the prep before the procedure? You have been certified to be NOT full of $h!t. Tell THAT to Victor. 🙂

    Like

  180. so, i had a stomachache for a year. nobody could find anything–i found out i was lactose intolerant, but that still wasn’t what was making my stomach hurt. i finally had a laparoscopy to take a look-see at my girly parts. turned out i had stage IV endometriosis and all sorts of stuff was glued together. this is when i found out i was infertile (which took a long time to prove wrong, and surgery and a bajillion tests, and a lot of Ben & Jerry’s, but I did). anyway, my point is, endometriosis hurts. and you can easily not know you have it. of course, i don’t know if this is your stomachache cause, but thought i’d mention. feel better!

    Like

  181. 182
    Anonymous

    So, where does the camera go when it’s done snapping pictures? Does it just fly off to unknown parts like the Voyager space satellite did until it was discovered in the Star Trek movie? Maybe you”ll have to retrieve it yourself and take the film to Walmart to have it developed. (If that’s true, I wouldn’t tell them until after they develop it because that would definitely be a kind of a crappy Kodak moment.)

    Like

  182. PIGEON SHOES!! I literally spent half my day discussing these on Facebook today! I’m so glad you saw them too!

    At first I wanted them so I could embarrass my daughter by wearing them in public, but then she saw them and was like, “No, I want them too!!!” It was a nice family moment.

    Like

  183. I am waiting for these procedures at the moment and I’m a petrified of it and not only that I’m so anxious bout the results what happens when they can’t see anything do they just guess what all the pain and discomfort is?? I don’t get it diagnosed with ibs for 5 years anxious bound now they say it could be something else it so scary x

    Like

  184. I am going through many of the same medical mysteries and tests that you are Jenny. I am so extremely frustrated, and still not well. These doctors need to really pay more attention!
    Hfallon@gmail.com

    Holly in Brooking, OR

    Like

  185. Hi Jenny! I have similar issue with my health lately. It really sucks when you have issues with more than one thing in your body at once. I know that i just want to scream! Hang in there, and keep us informed. 🙂

    Like

  186. Knowing you’re sick but not knowing with what or why or how to make it better is so unsettling. I’m hopeful for you getting some answers. Science is amazing.

    Like

  187. The inside of a healthy stomach looks like the inside of a healthy cheek: pink and shiny.

    Since you were wondering.

    Like

  188. Hi Jenny
    I hope you get this. I was losing blood and the doctors couldn’t figure it out. I even had an hpilore (so?) test to check for ulcers. It came up negative so I refused to take the Pantoprozole to calm stomach acid. Well, I fainted after four days of black stool that my doctor was not concerned enough about. I spent time in the hospital to get on the mend but I take a spoonful of Siberian Pinenut Okl every morning. Read up on it. Very healing. I started with a spoonful before each meal to heal the ulcer. You’re in my prayers. Blessings, Karen

    Like

  189. UGH, having this done next week. Glad to hear yours went well and that at least I can look forward to the drugs haha

    Like

  190. 191
    Anonymous

    Hello.

    Like

  191. I HAVE that same stomach ache. No one knows what it is. Sadly, I think it is just another horrible part of the R.A (or R.D. as people are taking to calling it now.) I have no other explanation.

    Like

  192. 193
    Anonymous

    Random, but have they considered the lone star tick allergy? (alpha gal) my mom had very similar symptoms and that was the end conclusion after years of trying to figure it out.

    Like

  193. I was very high though.

    Like

  194. I recently had a colonoscopy, so I feel your pain. Hope you get answers and solutions soon. Love your blog! 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s