So I was a little swoony to get an email from Monica Danna (an Editor at the Houstonist) encouraging me to go to a swanky New Years Eve party that she would be attending. Monica Danna is awesome and unintentionally intimidating in her glossy hipness. Remember that socialite that Marge Simpson went to high school with who didn’t know how to pump her own gas because she was that damn chic and she wrongly believes Marge is also chic because Marge is wearing that Chanel suit that she bought on sale at the outlet mall in Ogdenville and Marge has to keep ripping up the suit and re-sewing it to make it look like a new outfit or else the country club chicks will catch on that she’s a big fraud who shops at Ogdenville? That pretty much describes me and Monica Danna except that I shop at “Ross Dress 4 Less” and Monica Danna probably knows how to pump gas.
So anyway, I immediately start wondering how I could dress up the black dress I bought for Victor’s gramma’s Christmas burial since it’s about the fanciest thing I have and I begin studying the invitiation for clues as to whether I need to borrow a top hat and a monocle for my husband and I then notice this picture of this woman on the invitation:
The woman appears to be waking out of a drunken stupor to find herself on the floor with deflated balloons and streamers on her, and she also seems to have misplaced all of her clothes. So I’m thinking, “Well. Maybe I will fit in after all.” But then I look even closer and see that it’s $205 A COUPLE. Oh, I can get stoned, embarrassed and naked in my own home for a lot less than that, thankyouverymuch. For $205 I expect to come home with furniture or at least a blackmarket baby panda.
So instead of hob-nobbing with the chic and fabulous, I’ll be spending my New Year’s Eve sneaking Strawberry Hill into the Cinemark so I can watch, sing along with, and possibly get kicked out of ”Sweeney Todd”.
PS. When I say “stoned” I mean it in the old-fashioned “drunk-as-a-skunk” sort of way, not in a “It’s-4:20-and-time-to-get-high” kind of way so please don’t call me at 2am for weed. I’m someone’s mother, not your drug connection.
PPS. No one tell Monica Danna I’m a fraud, ‘k?
PPPS. Did I mention Mama Drama Con Queso II is coming up? No cover charge. Nudity optional. RSVP here, sweet things.
PPPPS. Two posts in one day. I am on fire.
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A blackmarket baby panda. I love it.
sweeney todd rocks. bring a flask (liter?) of bloody marys instead, though, it’ll be way more appropriate.
Wow, 205 bucks a couple?? I hope there are at least some smashing door prizes!
my daughter actually went to the high school where 4:20 originated – just makes a mom proud, you know?
When you are drunkenly shopping, I’d like a baby panda too. And a nice couch. And a bedroom set – well, an entire house’s worth of furniture actually.
I’m going to try to stay up till midnight, but I have a feeling that I won’t see 11:00 because I am a disgrace to my generation.
You are way cooler than any Monica Roseannadanna. Pass the Strawberry Hill.
Amazing what parenthood does to us! We too are spending a blissful night home. Food, friends, and beer included. Yeeehaaa!
Dude, you’ll have to let me know how Sweeny Todd is. I am in love with J.D. and Tim Burton. Quite possibly my two fave people in “the industry.”
I once knew a Drag Queen that shopped at Ross Cross Dress for Less. But I am not sure if they are affiliated with Ross Dress for Less.
What this has to do with the over all theme of your post, I don’t know. Oh, the drag queen did sort of look like the chick passed out in the pile of balloons, same outfit and stuff.
whoa – 205/couple? that’s the kind of party they probably don’t even allow cameras into
BUT: Sweeny Todd?? Johnny Depp AND Allan Rickman?? Singing! That kicks serious butt on any fancy-assed shindig. You must tell all about it!
Just so you know, Mark and I are spending a romantic evening watching movies, sipping champagne and waiting for midnight so we can go to sleep. I am staying awake by reading blogs.
What an amazing life I lead.
$205 a couple?! I’d be staying home too….well actually, we did stay home…with sick children and when our neighbours illegal fireworks went off at midnight it woke me up, I looked around and I’d fallen asleep in the little one’s bed. Woohoo, happy new year!! I guess at least I’m not hungover…..
I resisted calling you at 2am… it was hard but I didn’t dial. Happy New Year Bloggess – here’s hoping you woke up in your prurdy underwear, surrounded by ballongs, and party left overs.
dude… seriously dude.
if you could spare a couple of buds, i have the most excellent baby panda, i’ll even through in some bamboo sprouts you can plant in the backyard.
seriously, just like a nug or two, you know.
what’s the magic in $205/couple? I had to think for a moment to make sure it wasn’t 2005 and that the year would be the obvious tie. I don’t get it.
We stayed home, had friends over, played board games, and drank. Fun stuff. Oh, and KayTar was up until midnight. JOY. And BubTar woke up vomiting this morning. Double JOY. Who is loving 2008?
There is no one I’d rather sneak Boone’s Farm into a movie theater with, dahling. In a rhinestone encrusted flask, of course.
Happy New Year, you fabulous dame.
even without the hefty charge (and who the hell charges for parties, anyway? i mean, now that we’re out of college and don’t need a collection for the keg), there’s no way you would catch me at a do like that.
and i am an actual editor, who can pump her own gas.
I seriously choked when I saw that price tag. That is totally UN-chic in my opinion. Gross. I hope you enjoyed Sweeney Todd. We picked Charlie Wilson’s War for our NYE cinema experience, and it was great.
I’m not sure you could attend this event. That woman is at least wearing underwear, and from what I remember from your Britney driveway story… well, you know what I’m saying.
No way. All the best kind of people go commando.
For us, it was Juno. Fabulous. In bed by 11:00.
Oh, yes.
This is the part where I once again utter my heartfelt thanks that I am not a Swanky Socialite on the Up and Coming Ladder and am instead in a simple suburban neighborhood where my “party like it’s 1989″ silliness is encouraged.
Julie
Using My Words
I think your night sounds more fun. And stop bogarting the weed.
You can count me and Kara in on Mama Drama Con Queso II. You should always Mental Floss after every MDCQ.
Send me an e-mail, will ya? I lost your addy in the hub-bub.
p.s. How come I ain’t on yer list of friends??
A (now corrected) oversight, I assure you. My blogroll is horribly incomplete.
“blackmarket baby panda”. wow, i gotta remember that so i can slyly add it to my repertoire and take all the credit.
love it.
also? love your blog. how have i never been here?
sweeney todd was awesome. it was our christmas day movie.
new year’s, however, we stuck to rented movies and sparkling apple cider. cuz we’re such party animals.
Sadly, $205 a couple is cheap in my parts. Need I tell you that I spent my New Year’s eve at someone else’s house? Free, even the booze. Gotta love it!
Seems to me like if the party was really swanky, they wouldn’t be charging a cover like my trashy friend Heather always did for her parties in college.
Also, I think that picture is album art from Like A Virgin.
it’s so cliche to ask you to marry me, at this point in the blogging everything-is-overdone-ville we know and love; so:
how’s about we just live in sin and invite our husbands over for cocktails now and then? so we can get stoned. or tight. however the young set are saying it, these days.
*smacks toothless gums*
hahahaha, this is hilarious, Jenny! just saw this post. Hee Hee, this was actually a friend’s party i was helping to promote. I couldn’t even afford my own party, and spent a wonderful evening with some of my favorite people at the less than swanky Proletariat, my favorite place to be (at least until it closes in a few weeks)
p.s. i shop at Ross. (and i can pump gas)
see you at MDCQ II !!!
I never liked that Monica anyway…. y’all met at 4:20, didn’t you?
who is this ed schipul character? and is he hip enough for me to know who he is?