Open letter to a honker

Dear guy-driving-the-18-wheeler-at-5:30-this-morning: 

 

There are only 4 valid reasons why you should keep honking at me:

 

1.  Your brakes have failed.

 

2.  To warn me of the serial killer crouching in my back seat.

 

3.  Your girlfriend’s head hit the horn accidentally

 

4.  You’re an asshole.

 

I think we both know which one it is.

 

*****************************

 

Update:  Ever since I wrote the post about every photo of me at blogher having hooch in it I’ve been flooded with emails and comments sending me even more embarrassing photos.  It’s gotten me thinking about the way I might be perceived by others, so I thought I’d do a little damage control by posting a few pictures of me without any booze…

 

chk.jpg

Mrs. Chicky, me, flying leprechaun

 

…but then last night I got a precious gift…a link to a video .  And while the video may not make me look any better, does make me look better by comparison.

 

And that, my friends, has made all the difference.

32 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Hey, is that leprechaun grabbing my boob? That’s kinda sexy.

  2. Sorry, that must have been my head hitting the horn. Happens all the time.

  3. I hate when those flying leprechauns jump in my photos!

  4. I was totally terrified to watch the video, because I had had so many (ahem) “flying leprechauns” that night. *wink, wink* But it turned out great. I was CRACKING up while watching it. Good times. Sandra and I look great in the bathtub. *lol*

    And now I want a LiveWire. Damn those Canadians and their amazing candies. 😉

  5. you guys are so gorgeous. and good for that guy to be getting it on so early in the AM. oh wait…

  6. Then again, isn’t that a lake of everclear that you’re standing before?

  7. and I thought you were writing to a goose.

  8. Dude, I’m sorry, didn’t know that was you in front of us! I have a thing for truck drivers! He hit a bump and my head smacked the horn. You won’t tell Kevin will you?

  9. Dangit! Mamacita beat me to the punch line!

  10. You were totally hot.

  11. Now I’m hot & bothered. And Irish Spring-y.

  12. Totally surprised by your voice. don’t know what I expected…but .. I love it, love you, loved the video!

  13. Never before in the history of blogging have so many bloggers wanted so fervently to be a red licorice whip.

    It’s pretty amazing what you get when you fill a hotel with booze and bloggers. I hear that’s how the Chinese built that crazy-big wall of theirs.

  14. That video is fantastic! And I wonder how much Debi had to drink?

  15. Yes. An asshole. And since we live in the same state, it’s likely that it’s the same moron who was tailing me over the weekend…because…these guys think they own the road.

  16. Oh come on, you know it’s really #3.

    Love the flying leprechaun…those suckers sure get in the way a lot.

  17. Everyone will forget the booze photos after that video.

  18. Oh Dude!!! I so shoulda been there!!! Since all of you are SOOOO much taller than me, I could done ANYTHING — hooch away, get groped by the lepruchan — and NO ONE would be the wiser ’cause I’m too short to appear in any photographic evidence.

    Dayum!! What a missed opportunity!

    Oh, and Jenny: Maybe the dude honked at you ’cause you’re SO HAWT!!!

  19. I want that truck driver to head up here and crash into the not one, but TWO jerks who stole parking spaces from me at Target this morning.

    That video makes me laugh and cry. I really didn’t need to admit that I was a big ‘ol ho right there on YouTube, but I suppose there’s no sense trying to deny it.

  20. Sheesh, with that combination? I might just develop a thing for leprechauns…

  21. That picture made me laugh really, REALLY hard. And the video? For the first time, I’m sad I didn’t go this year. 🙁

    NEXT YEAR.

  22. I am so not worthy of hanging out with you. Seriously.

  23. Margaret – You aren’t worthy of hanging out with a possible alcoholic who turned up in what I suspect is the beginning of a soft-core porn video or a phone sex commercial? I think you are.

    Perhaps you could host my intervention?

  24. Jenny

    Listen, what people may not understand is that Texans have by necessity a high tolerance for booze. This is because the number two hobby here is drinking, often for lack of anything else to do but also because it is social, which is the number one hobby here.

    Some tips for PARTY PIC!! that I picked up in college:

    1. Think like a bride and hold your drink at your waist. Photos are usually ribs up. 🙂

    2. Keep all drinks in either (a) plastic cups without ornamentation (rendering them indistinguishable from other drinks) or (b) in a wine glass so as to appear classy.

    3. Slam the glass up to your mouth in big chug mode like who gives a rat’s rear!

    The leprechaun grabbing Chicky’s boob is hilarious.

    You are trying to help her lose the nice rep, aren’t you?

    Hey we need a before school starts playdate. Have you thought up your band name yet?

    Julie
    Ravin’ Picture Maven

  25. ah, that video is awesome! when, oh when, is BlogHer going to be north of the border? um, and preferably on the west coast. though, really, I’d settle for west coast. Seattle, even, is good.

    and, by the time you’re starting to see leprechauns? it’s time to put down the bottle, dear.

  26. You two are so cute!

    Those 18-wheelers need their own damned highway to drive on. I swear . . .

  27. Jenny, What IF there was a serial killer crouched in your back seat, knife poised to slice you into shreds, and that trucker (by honking) scared him into cardiac arrest and saved your life?

    Yeah…that’s likely…I’m thinking it was the guy Steph posted about, this time in his “work” car… Dayem blog stalkers.

    Speaking of stalkers, I dreamed about you last night (and I haven’t even been reading y’all this week!)(until today when I totally binged, and am still binging).

    Think I might post the dream…it’s that…creepy.

  28. 28
    The Original Lisa

    Yeah, you’re not fooling anyone here. Everyone knows that’s not a leprechaun. That is totally Peter Pan. I’ve decided to wait to watch the video until the kids aren’t around. One less thing to explain about Crazy Aunt JingJing you know.

  29. The minute I get on a computer with sound I am watching that video!!

    You had me spitting coke through my nose with that photo!

  30. Love the pic. That Leprechaun hopping in that pic is great timing, huh?

    Love the Video! I soooo want to go next year. Will someone make me go next year?? You are all hot mamas.

    As far as the driving/honking, I want to know why people feel it is necessary to “peek” out from behind the driver in front of them showing how truly impatient they are…. when we all know that there is bridge construction on 288 for at least another week or more!?? It is on the news. There are signs posted, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WILL SEE?

    Oh flying leprechauns, truck drivers getting blow jobs and Hottie Ms. Jenny. I get it now.

  31. The choice of Peter Pan just had me rolling.

    Nothing is as good as the video of you and Lotta, though. That is perfection.

  32. god, you’re hot.

    but I mean, seriously?

    hot.

    jesus.

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