I’m too tired to even go into the details because this mono/dog disease crap still has me mostly bedridden but I have to tell you that yesterday I left my bed to take Hailey to the doctor because she had a thumb infection and I mentioned that she’d been complaining about her tootie (the name she gave her vagina) hurting for a few days so we had to check for a urinary tract infection. This entailed germophobic me sitting on the public bathroom floor with my hand INSIDE a toilet trying to catch each tiny droplet of pee in a teensy cup. Of course, Hailey would not pee. I told her it was a game and that if we caught enough pee in the cup then we’d all win lollipops but no dice. After 10 minutes my back was aching and I could physically feel the public toilet germs crawling up my arm so in desperation I made up a “pee cheer” to encourage Hailey:
Come on tee-tee and shake your booty,
Come on tee-tee, come out of my tootie!
Soon she was loudly cheering at her tootie and minutes later she peed all over my hand and miraculously a few drops ended up in the cup. After I scrubbed my arms up to my armpits we went to the lab and the woman in front of us was self-consciously dropping off a urine specimen so of course Hailey screamed at her “You won! Your mommy caught your tee-tee too?” The women smiled weakly and tried to look away as Hailey began chanting the Pee Cheer but only the last part because I guess it was catchiest.
Then the doctor came back to our waiting room to tell me that I was too big to be lying on the pediatric exam table and that (of course) Hailey had a urinary tract infection, and I could only console myself that at least I’d be able to blog about it.
This would all be much funnier if I wasn’t so damn sick. Someone said that “comedy is hard but death is easy” but parvo is no damn walk in the park either.