Spoiler alert: Don’t read this if you’ve been living under a rock and haven’t seen the last Harry Potter movie. Also, yes, I’m aware that Dumbledore is gay and I’m totally cool with it since now all the mythical, closeted, gay wizards will have a role-model to look up to. Besides Gargamel I mean, because I’m pretty sure Gargamel is totally gay too.
Conversation Victor and I had after finally watching the latest Harry Potter movie:
Me: I still don’t get why it was so easy to knock over all those shelves of glass balls in the Hall of Prophesy. I mean, aren’t these people supposed to be wizards? They can levitate dragons and reverse time but they can’t make sturdy shelves?
Victor: I bet the supervisor was all “Call the damn janitors. What’s-his-face is back and we’re going to need a shitload of brooms.”
Me: “And send in the asshole that made these rickety-ass shelves.”
Victor: So I’m guessing in the next movie Dumbledore kills Harry and start dating Hermione.
Me: My God, Ron would lose his shit.
Victor: And they’ll find him in Dumbledore’s office eating Big D’s phoenix.
Me: Yeah, but the phoenix keeps coming back to life every half hour or so.
Victor: And Ron just keeps getting fatter and fatter.
Me: You could probably cure world hunger with a few meaty phoenixes.
Victor: Kentucky Fried Phoenix.