The many loves of Dumbledore

Spoiler alert:  Don’t read this if you’ve been living under a rock and haven’t seen the last Harry Potter movie.  Also, yes, I’m aware that Dumbledore is gay and I’m totally cool with it since now all the mythical, closeted, gay wizards will have a role-model to look up to.  Besides Gargamel I mean, because I’m pretty sure Gargamel is totally gay too. 


Conversation Victor and I had after finally watching the latest Harry Potter movie:

Me:  I still don’t get why it was so easy to knock over all those shelves of glass balls in the Hall of Prophesy.  I mean, aren’t these people supposed to be wizards?  They can levitate dragons and reverse time but they can’t make sturdy shelves? 

Victor:  I bet the supervisor was all “Call the damn janitors.  What’s-his-face is back and we’re going to need a shitload of brooms.”

Me:  “And send in the asshole that made these rickety-ass shelves.”

Victor:  So I’m guessing in the next movie Dumbledore kills Harry and start dating Hermione.

Me:  My God, Ron would lose his shit.

Victor:  And they’ll find him in Dumbledore’s office eating Big D’s phoenix.

Me:  Yeah, but the phoenix keeps coming back to life every half hour or so.

Victor:  And Ron just keeps getting fatter and fatter.

Me:  You could probably cure world hunger with a few meaty phoenixes.

 Victor:  KFP.

Me:  Huh?

Victor:  Kentucky Fried Phoenix.

34 thoughts on “The many loves of Dumbledore

Read comments below or add one.

  1. oh my god – Gargemel is SO gay!!

    (and I am under my rock, having not yet seen the latest movie – but I’ve read all the books, dammit!)

  2. I wondered too about those shelves. They lock up their money in a frigging goblin-guarded vault but Intellectual property is just perched on Ikea shelves. Fairly realistic for a fantasy story, I’d say.

  3. You and Victor make me LMAO.

    I can’t even tell what Harry Potter I have and haven’t read because the books are all packed and I think I missed one. I saw this movie (sans sound) on the plane.

    I spent the entire time thinking OMG they are teens, where did the children go, OMG they are TEENS. And I was glad to have no sound so I couldn’t hear the deeper voices.

    As for Smurfs, let’s see ONE girl Smurf and all guys? Shirtless? What’s the question?

    Using My Words

  4. I love the hunger solution. Ha! Like a bottomless coffee, only higher in nutrition. I wonder if you’d get sick of phoenix? What do you think would go nicely with that as a side dish?

  5. You are so much awesome, I could make awesome biscuits with the leftover awesome.

    I’m guessing you have to eat KFP with BBQ sauce.

  6. Oh, wow. Y’all are a hoot and a half. Would it be okay if I cross-posted this on my blog? It’s way too funny not to share.

    (PS – Gargamel is SO TOTALLY GAY)

  7. OMGLawDork – What’s mine is yours.
    Flutter – Was the Purple Pie Man the guy that kept stealing Strawberry Shortcake’s tarts? He always struck me as being a child molester. I think it was the beard.

  8. I imagine FKC would be tough and charred.
    (We did that one year when we barbecued our turkey and it caught on fire)

  9. You don’t have to have seen the movie to read this. Nor even have read the books. It’s fucking hilarious as it is!

Leave a Reply