Best scooter ever (Updated again)

Holy shit, I want this

scooter.jpg

It’s like a chair with a place for your laptop and it’s also a fricking scooter.  So you can be leaving a comment, and when your kid is begging for some milk you can just scoot down to the kitchen WHILE STILL BLOGGING.  Take that, husband-who-thinks-looking-at-blogs-for-5-hours-at-a-time-is-some-sort-of-an-illness.  The only way this could be better is if it also had a toilet built into it.   

Update:  I’ve changed my mind on the toilet because I remembered I have a germ phobia and the idea of a toilet being ridden all over my house makes me kind of squicky, but I have made a few other modifications…

scooter2.jpg

Kick-ass

Updated again:  My God, you people are demanding.  Okay, fine.  Cushy seat and flame-thrower now optional:

 

scooter3.jpg

Happy now?

Updated again X 2: Okay, seriously, final version:

scooter4.jpg

121 replies. read them below or add one

  1. It was awesome to start with but the psycho bunny slippers send it over the TOP! Quick, patent your additions and you can retire now!

  2. 2
    Just A. Reader

    Does the seat vibrate?

  3. Robot to push me. That’s something we all need.

  4. I had the exact same thought that Sandy did. Those are psycho bunny slippers.

  5. The robot to push me is the best modification ever. I mean, if you’re never going to get up, you should really not have to push yourself, either.

  6. I agree with the fact that this is genius, but am a little concerned about butt-soreness, as the picture appears to show a standard bicycle seat. Can you photoshop in some sort of fluffy, padded seat? I think you will have then achieved perfection.

  7. My husband says your husband has a point but he gazed what I think was LONGINGLY at your updated version.

    He spends PLENTY of time on the computer. Oh sure he can say it’s WORK but he can’t seriously be working 20 hours every day. Can he?

    Oooh and good point about the seat. needs to be comfier, melrose.

    If we had that…what do you think are the odds my bum would ever get to sit on it?

    HA!

    Julie
    Using My Words

  8. you totally forgot the flame thrower. fail.

  9. I think the unicorn kind of tempers the psycho bunnies.

    I also think the table area needs to be larger, to accommodate cookies.

  10. I was thinking the same thing about the cookies. Actually, I was thinking there should be some kind of chocolate holder, but same thing. mk

  11. Excellent work, this is the best thing since I never invented the fur sink.

  12. Wow. That is like the techno equivalent to having a dog spine and being able to lick yourself.

    Uh, so maybe add a portable toothbrush next rendition?

  13. I’m with whoever asked if the seat vibrated. That would have to be the best option evah.

  14. Wait – your flamethrower is shooting out fall leaves!

    I’m kidding!

    It’s really looks like a feather duster.

  15. OH.MY.GAWD……..I’m dying from laughing so hard. Help me. Hahahhahahahahhahahaha

  16. Uh… I’ve got my own personal flame thrower. Got that covered.

  17. I love it! modifications and all!

  18. Yeah, yeah. the “artwork” is good.

    I now have a new favorite word. “Squicky”

  19. Ok, you are so totally missing an opportunity here. Where in the hell is the chocolate fountain? How’s a fella ‘sposed to get his fondue on with no chocolate fountain?

  20. Jenny, I can’t believe you overlooked the obvious pimp for your ride. Um, is that a long metal bar between her legs? Mmmm..I wonder what could be done to make that fun?

  21. nope…needs a reclining back, locking wheels and a foot rest of those times you want to lounge and blog….

    oh and some spinnerz would totally pimp it out…i’m just sayin

  22. Ooooh! I need one too. Then I would never have to get off my lazy ass, even for the laundry!

  23. I don’t think you need spinners, but rather some sparkly streamers and some handlebars, of course. You also need a cookie jar attached somewhere and software that tells the robot how to make you cocktails. And the seat needs to have heat and vibration.

  24. Oh my Gosh! Where do I order? And is that why my husband has given up on me when I’ve told him I only have 1 more blog to read?

  25. I would comment (oh wait – look – I am commenting), but I have nothing witty to say, and everyone here is so… witty.

    But I want one of these.

    That is all.

  26. Oh, and there are those damn psycho bunnies again! I can’t get rid of them!!!!

  27. Awesome…sign me up for one.

  28. You can tell the model chick in that picture doesn’t use that… she’s too thin.

    Signed,
    Proud of my fat ass

  29. The woman has cobwebs between her legs.

    That CAN’T be good.

  30. 3 speeds killed me.

    I need one. Not want – NEED.

  31. She looks kinda cute with the moustache.

  32. Yes, Jenny, NOW I am happy. See how demanding people push you to achieve greatness?

  33. OK, this is even funnier than the Brit-Brit post. How can you live with your own funniness?

  34. You really got me with the cookie warmer. Mmm….

    How do you think this stuff up?!

  35. You, my friend, are on a roll.

  36. 36
    Just A. Reader

    I knew the seat vibrated.

  37. The unicorn decal is my favorite accessory.

  38. the vibrating part is genius.

    but I’m LOVING the new header. super-fab.

  39. Now ya got it. Although the vibrating thing might chafe “we of the penis.” Still, I’m all about exploring new sensations.

    Mmm… chocolate fountain. Just dip a bunny and chow down! Chocolate bunnies are the best!

  40. Kevin – What’s it called when you vomit and laugh at the same time?

  41. Dig the flamethrower — it reminds me of my first job, when I was a lowly pizza-maker. Check out this pic for comparison to yours:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/spamboy/68573129/

  42. […] November 12th, 2007 at 9:15 am (funny) So besides my desperate need for yarn I must have this. […]

  43. Had tears as the revisions kept coming and coming. Fucking funny.

    Oh, I think this is going on someone’s Amazon wish list this yearrr(um, mine)

  44. damnitol – a friend linked to this, like i need another funny blog to read… going to slap her now. see you later!

  45. […] PunditMom awarded Jen Lemen Childs Play x 2 awarded Claire’s Dad Serendipity Mine awarded The Bloggess Table for Five awarded Spilt Milk Absolutely Bananas awarded Midwestern Mommy Playgroups are No […]

  46. As awesome as this design is, it must require jet packs before I will consider it a worthy purchase.

    Just my $0.02.

  47. I hope that laptop has a SSD or all those vibrations will definitely kill your dataz!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

  48. Of course she can walk.

    Thank GOD she doesn’t have to.

  49. where do i get one of this?

  50. your retarded

  51. i dont even have a laptop and I want one.. hmm maybe if it came with a really long extension cord and an extra large tray I could set my desk top up…

  52. That is flippn hysterical! Off to sit on Santa’s lap.

  53. I want one too. Maybe it could use some all-terrain wheels a battery. Then I could take it outside when the kids need the exercise. They could chase me up and down the street.

  54. How did I get through all those comments and never figure out the singing frog? Is he bringing the chocolate fountain? Is it chocolate-covered frog time?

    Um, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  55. So funny I snorted right out loud at work! Might be the best invention ever!

  56. […] Chris over at Notes from the Trenches directed me to this. […]

  57. Ok and the really funny and scary thing is I would buy it…just sell it on QVC!

  58. I’m loving the cookie warmer.

  59. This is perfect. I hope the robot also clears laundry, trash, and other household debris out of the path for maximum scooting comfort.

  60. LOL. Bloody good effort!

  61. I’m not sure what is funnier. The corporate sponsorship or the 3 speed vibrator.

  62. The corporate sponsor is why I can’t stop laughing!

  63. Came over via Notes From the Trenches. I must say you have just found the perfect Christmas gift and made it…perfectER.

    Too funny.
    This is one of the few times I’ve needed a keyboard condom to protect it from coffee spurtage onslaught.

  64. Love it!

    However, I second the notion that this sucker needs a jetpack and a massage unit. Vibrating is good, but a butt/back massager would be even better.

  65. OMG! If Santa doesn’t leave me one of those I am going to be soooo disappointed!

  66. Funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time-and I read Chris and Mir daily…Anyhoo, the only thing I would add would be a small fan-I live where it’s perpetually warm. If you include the vibrating seat, you must have a fan!

  67. Best damn Christmas idea ever.

    Now, where can I get one? Cuz every girl needs that…especially the flame thrower and the singing frog…

  68. What’s on the screen? Shouldn’t it be a picture of Johhny Depp?

  69. Here you dangle the best Christmas present ever in front of us and no link as to where to get one!

    You’ve almost got it to perfection. I would add a pull behind vacuum so that you can claim you are doing housework at the same time.

  70. Well, maybe the vacuum would make it seem too much like work for some people. I think you’ve definitely hit all the major points. Great work!

  71. Holy Crap.
    Loving all of it. I personally would have to add robotic legs that could carry me up stairs….I blog in the basement so it would have to jack the Hell up!

    You know, if we all pooled our $$$ together, we could build the damn thing and make freakin’ history.

  72. […] This, however, is the best thing I’ve seen all week. […]

  73. Ha – this is awesome!

  74. Oh. my. I think I just pulled something from laughing so hard.

  75. I just laughed out loud. I *so* wish that I’d gotten this for Christmas. LOVE your modifications. 😀 My husband thinks that I have the same illness. 😀

  76. How about adding a vacuum so when my husband gets home it looks like I’ve gotten something done? Oh, and can the robot fold laundry? 😉

    Marlee’s last blog post..Don’t You ALL Wish You Could Be Me?

  77. O M G – you had me at big ass seat and singing frog and i’m pretty sure I just pissed my pants. . .nice!

  78. Thanks so much for proving that while your blog may cure cancer, it also causes incontinence.

    mary’s last blog post..Seriously, Too Tired

  79. This was Hillarious!

    Great post!

    FYI’s last blog post..Urinary Frequence During Pregnancy

  80. You missed tapdancing on the roof, swinging on a moonbeam, skipping rocks at the beach. lol
    just great.

    susan

  81. […] Via Daily Coyote: A scooter improvement […]

  82. This is me drooling on myself from laughing so hard. @thebloggess you have more artistic talent in your pinkie than I have in my entire body

    Gwen Bell’s last blog post..I Have a Problem. And I Need Your Help.

  83. heeee!!! 🙂 i love it.

    ingrid’s last blog post..reminder! squatter saturday!

  84. I think I just tinkled a little from laughing so hard.

    Dr. Ding’s last blog post..Viva La Frida(y)!

  85. Holy shit woman you don’t know how many stages of funny you actually are!

    Adrienne’s last blog post..Operation Baking Gals

  86. I wish I had one of those.

    VDog’s last blog post..Wordless Geek

  87. Destroyed by unicorn decal.

    Black Hockey Jesus’s last blog post..Charles Dickens VI

  88. That was all kinds of awesome! I need one. And the vibrating “rod” in the middle makes it perfect!

    heartache heartburn’s last blog post..Update

  89. Jenny. I was already laughing so hard that I am hurting and there are tears running down my face, then I saw the “your retarded” comment and now I can’t breathe.

    I’m so glad I know you.

    Y’s last blog post..“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself”

  90. You had me with the added vibrator mode. Where can I get me one?

    Hip_M0M’s last blog post..The Importance of Play

  91. holy fucking crap. what might be even better is if you could cycle while you were sitting there. you know to get the exercise in.

    (i didn’t read all the comments, so forgive me if someone else came up with that idea first.)

    piglet’s last blog post..i love the gays

  92. Oh dear lord. That right there was the funnies thing I’ve seen all day. All week even.

    AmyM’s last blog post..**New Post Coming**

  93. It needs to have one of those cow plows, like trains do, on the front so as to clear your path of objects and children. If you add that it will be PERFECT.

    (It may also need some spinners on the wheels.)

    Dana’s last blog post..Because it’s an important issue

  94. This thing is going to be a kid magnet. I think you’re going to need more than a disguise. Unless that’s what the flame thrower is for?

    Suburban Kamikaze’s last blog post..Putting the “pool” into pool table

  95. I am gunna wear an extra short skirt and tiny top when I sit on Santa’s knee this year. I totally want me some of that action.

    Needs an espresso machine though babe.

    Oh and I stumbled it, cause I totally forget to stumble shit. So hold onto your beer can hat woman for the 3 hits you are gunna get!

    Kelley’s last blog post..Where my lasers at?

  96. I’ll take one!

    Is there a waiting list?

    well read hostess’s last blog post..Thar She Blows!

  97. I’ll have one also. oh..the one with the fat-ass seat please!

  98. Awesome!

    Cheri @ Blog This Mom!’s last blog post..The Annual Pilgrimage Destination is Revealed

  99. Is there a patent? If no
    I want to get the upgrade that includes an umbrella!

    b

    barbara’s last blog post..Image from China

  100. —I swear I saw this very vehicle at the car show—-IT even had air conditioning, is that cool or what?

    Gary “Old Dude”‘s last blog post..Once Upon A Time——

  101. Hmmm…can’t decide which is more genius…

    The cookie holder

    OR

    (3 speeds)

    Somebody in the thread actually said “fail” because you forgot to include the fictional flame thrower?

    todd’s last blog post..Best Of The Best…

  102. crap – someone else (you, it seems!) says “squicky”? whoops.

    sarah’s last blog post..word vomit (“hhhhAAAAARRRRRRRkk”)

  103. I feel like such a fanboy that I’m making myself sick, so I will sadly withhold my fawning praise (once again) for your ideas, opinions, perspective, and manner of execution.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..The rules of D-, Vol. 1

  104. I’m so glad you linked to this in your current post because now my day is so much the better.

    And you’re not retarded.

    Notice the correct spelling.

    Janine’s last blog post..ANTM, kooky girls and one tranny mess (and I’m not talking about Tyra).

  105. They totally have these here in Europe. Minus the flame thrower, unicorn decal, computer, cookie pocket, vibration, singing frog, chocolate fountain, disguise, beer hat, corporate sponsorship and bunny slippers.

    Ok, so they’re basically robot chairs with big-ass seats. Or Larks. Or Scooters, or whatever you Americans call them. But I’m totally going to suggest to the next person I see in one that they add all the other features. Running “Cookie Pocket” through Google Translate now.

    Kari’s last blog post..Gems from the Megan

  106. The vibrator totally sold me.

    tracey’s last blog post..Just don’t ask.

  107. You are kinda retarded, though. You have to admit it. It’s ok, my kids call me retarded all the time. Now, if the troll would have said “your a retard” then that’s different. Then you would be justified in exacting your revenge on his or her family and/or pets.

  108. […] comment I got on my I-invented-a-scooter/flame-thrower/cookie-warmer post which simply said: “Your […]

  109. I love that it’s sponsored by NASCAR. I wish I were sponsored by NASCAR. Tanktops are flattering on me.

    father muskrat’s last blog post..wordless wednesday: major maddie’s war face

  110. Cool site!

  111. Just found you from someone’s blogroll and am getting to know you through your own top 10 list. And I love you. I love you…You’re my idol. Tuesday is my Mom’s Night Off and we should get together for humungous drinks and meat-market-watching.

    ML’s last blog post..So it doesn’t all get pent up…

  112. OMG I am laughing my ass off!

    Amanda’s last blog post..Individual Personal Pizzas

  113. The “mommys not here right now” cracked me up. This was outstanding funny.

  114. You had me at “big ass seat”. You’re a genius!

  115. If it could just recline into a La-Z-Boy, I’d be sold. You wouldn’t even have to get out of it to go to bed.

    Julie’s last blog post..Ricotta Lasagna with Handmade Spinach Pasta

  116. OMG this just cracked me up!

  117. Holy crap, I love the flame thrower and the robot! If I had that I would scoot away into the sunset and never look back.

  118. I’ll say it now – you’re more amazing than Einstein. In fact, since he invented the atom bomb and that thing kills people, and your skooter is a useful piece of furniture(?) everyone can use because it will make our lives better, you’re also a great humanitarian.
    .-= Twitter Fail´s last blog ..The post that will finally get us in Wikipedia =-.

  119. […] that comment I got on my I-invented-a-scooter/flame-thrower/cookie-warmer post which simply said: “Your […]

  120. I realize that I’m four years late with this comment, but why is there a spider web between her legs?

  121. 121
    Lady Penelope

    I was given an *official* warning to cease and desist reading your blog after I snorted reading this post.
    Then I was *banned* from the computer after scoffing aloud at the comments. (the “your retarded” comment slays me – it’s YOU’RE dumbass!)

    I am now *forbidden* from
    a) making any reference to
    b) thinking about anything to do with
    c) posting my own comment on
    your blog.

    Totally worth it.

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