Best scooter ever (Updated again)

Holy shit, I want this

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It’s like a chair with a place for your laptop and it’s also a fricking scooter.  So you can be leaving a comment, and when your kid is begging for some milk you can just scoot down to the kitchen WHILE STILL BLOGGING.  Take that, husband-who-thinks-looking-at-blogs-for-5-hours-at-a-time-is-some-sort-of-an-illness.  The only way this could be better is if it also had a toilet built into it.   

Update:  I’ve changed my mind on the toilet because I remembered I have a germ phobia and the idea of a toilet being ridden all over my house makes me kind of squicky, but I have made a few other modifications…

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Kick-ass

Updated again:  My God, you people are demanding.  Okay, fine.  Cushy seat and flame-thrower now optional:

 

scooter3.jpg

Happy now?

Updated again X 2: Okay, seriously, final version:

scooter4.jpg

121 thoughts on “Best scooter ever (Updated again)

Read comments below or add one.

  1. It was awesome to start with but the psycho bunny slippers send it over the TOP! Quick, patent your additions and you can retire now!

  2. The robot to push me is the best modification ever. I mean, if you’re never going to get up, you should really not have to push yourself, either.

  3. I agree with the fact that this is genius, but am a little concerned about butt-soreness, as the picture appears to show a standard bicycle seat. Can you photoshop in some sort of fluffy, padded seat? I think you will have then achieved perfection.

  4. My husband says your husband has a point but he gazed what I think was LONGINGLY at your updated version.

    He spends PLENTY of time on the computer. Oh sure he can say it’s WORK but he can’t seriously be working 20 hours every day. Can he?

    Oooh and good point about the seat. needs to be comfier, melrose.

    If we had that…what do you think are the odds my bum would ever get to sit on it?

    HA!

    Julie
    Using My Words

  5. I was thinking the same thing about the cookies. Actually, I was thinking there should be some kind of chocolate holder, but same thing. mk

  6. Wow. That is like the techno equivalent to having a dog spine and being able to lick yourself.

    Uh, so maybe add a portable toothbrush next rendition?

  7. Ok, you are so totally missing an opportunity here. Where in the hell is the chocolate fountain? How’s a fella ‘sposed to get his fondue on with no chocolate fountain?

  8. Jenny, I can’t believe you overlooked the obvious pimp for your ride. Um, is that a long metal bar between her legs? Mmmm..I wonder what could be done to make that fun?

  9. nope…needs a reclining back, locking wheels and a foot rest of those times you want to lounge and blog….

    oh and some spinnerz would totally pimp it out…i’m just sayin

  10. I don’t think you need spinners, but rather some sparkly streamers and some handlebars, of course. You also need a cookie jar attached somewhere and software that tells the robot how to make you cocktails. And the seat needs to have heat and vibration.

  11. Oh my Gosh! Where do I order? And is that why my husband has given up on me when I’ve told him I only have 1 more blog to read?

  12. I would comment (oh wait – look – I am commenting), but I have nothing witty to say, and everyone here is so… witty.

    But I want one of these.

    That is all.

  13. Now ya got it. Although the vibrating thing might chafe “we of the penis.” Still, I’m all about exploring new sensations.

    Mmm… chocolate fountain. Just dip a bunny and chow down! Chocolate bunnies are the best!

  14. As awesome as this design is, it must require jet packs before I will consider it a worthy purchase.

    Just my $0.02.

  15. I hope that laptop has a SSD or all those vibrations will definitely kill your dataz!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

  16. i dont even have a laptop and I want one.. hmm maybe if it came with a really long extension cord and an extra large tray I could set my desk top up…

  17. I want one too. Maybe it could use some all-terrain wheels a battery. Then I could take it outside when the kids need the exercise. They could chase me up and down the street.

  18. How did I get through all those comments and never figure out the singing frog? Is he bringing the chocolate fountain? Is it chocolate-covered frog time?

    Um, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  19. This is perfect. I hope the robot also clears laundry, trash, and other household debris out of the path for maximum scooting comfort.

  20. Came over via Notes From the Trenches. I must say you have just found the perfect Christmas gift and made it…perfectER.

    Too funny.
    This is one of the few times I’ve needed a keyboard condom to protect it from coffee spurtage onslaught.

  21. Love it!

    However, I second the notion that this sucker needs a jetpack and a massage unit. Vibrating is good, but a butt/back massager would be even better.

  22. Funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time-and I read Chris and Mir daily…Anyhoo, the only thing I would add would be a small fan-I live where it’s perpetually warm. If you include the vibrating seat, you must have a fan!

  23. Here you dangle the best Christmas present ever in front of us and no link as to where to get one!

    You’ve almost got it to perfection. I would add a pull behind vacuum so that you can claim you are doing housework at the same time.

  24. Well, maybe the vacuum would make it seem too much like work for some people. I think you’ve definitely hit all the major points. Great work!

  25. Holy Crap.
    Loving all of it. I personally would have to add robotic legs that could carry me up stairs….I blog in the basement so it would have to jack the Hell up!

    You know, if we all pooled our $$$ together, we could build the damn thing and make freakin’ history.

  26. I just laughed out loud. I *so* wish that I’d gotten this for Christmas. LOVE your modifications. 😀 My husband thinks that I have the same illness. 😀

  27. O M G – you had me at big ass seat and singing frog and i’m pretty sure I just pissed my pants. . .nice!

  28. You missed tapdancing on the roof, swinging on a moonbeam, skipping rocks at the beach. lol
    just great.

    susan

  29. holy fucking crap. what might be even better is if you could cycle while you were sitting there. you know to get the exercise in.

    (i didn’t read all the comments, so forgive me if someone else came up with that idea first.)

    piglet’s last blog post..i love the gays

  30. I am gunna wear an extra short skirt and tiny top when I sit on Santa’s knee this year. I totally want me some of that action.

    Needs an espresso machine though babe.

    Oh and I stumbled it, cause I totally forget to stumble shit. So hold onto your beer can hat woman for the 3 hits you are gunna get!

    Kelley’s last blog post..Where my lasers at?

  31. Hmmm…can’t decide which is more genius…

    The cookie holder

    OR

    (3 speeds)

    Somebody in the thread actually said “fail” because you forgot to include the fictional flame thrower?

    todd’s last blog post..Best Of The Best…

  32. They totally have these here in Europe. Minus the flame thrower, unicorn decal, computer, cookie pocket, vibration, singing frog, chocolate fountain, disguise, beer hat, corporate sponsorship and bunny slippers.

    Ok, so they’re basically robot chairs with big-ass seats. Or Larks. Or Scooters, or whatever you Americans call them. But I’m totally going to suggest to the next person I see in one that they add all the other features. Running “Cookie Pocket” through Google Translate now.

    Kari’s last blog post..Gems from the Megan

  33. You are kinda retarded, though. You have to admit it. It’s ok, my kids call me retarded all the time. Now, if the troll would have said “your a retard” then that’s different. Then you would be justified in exacting your revenge on his or her family and/or pets.

  34. Just found you from someone’s blogroll and am getting to know you through your own top 10 list. And I love you. I love you…You’re my idol. Tuesday is my Mom’s Night Off and we should get together for humungous drinks and meat-market-watching.

    ML’s last blog post..So it doesn’t all get pent up…

  35. Holy crap, I love the flame thrower and the robot! If I had that I would scoot away into the sunset and never look back.

  36. I was given an *official* warning to cease and desist reading your blog after I snorted reading this post.
    Then I was *banned* from the computer after scoffing aloud at the comments. (the “your retarded” comment slays me – it’s YOU’RE dumbass!)

    I am now *forbidden* from
    a) making any reference to
    b) thinking about anything to do with
    c) posting my own comment on
    your blog.

    Totally worth it.

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