Jesus loves MySpace

I pass this sign all the time and try to figure out what it means:

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So Jesus died so we could access Myspace in heaven?  I’m no theologian but can’t Jesus just wiggle his nose and make stuff happen?  If you think Jesus has to die so that you can get access to MySpace then you have serious problems, my friend.  I suspect this whole sign is a trick question and the answer is “Burn down this sign*”.

PS.  If you’re dead and still on MySpace I’m pretty sure you’re not in heaven.

*Don’t burn down this sign.

Comment of the day:  You know how the churches like to be all “new age” and keep up with the lingo…just like the sign near my hometown that says “C H _ R C H…What is missing?”  Every time it makes me think of that pick up line…. I got an F, a C, and a K, all I need is U. Then I start to burst into flames and I have to get out of my car and roll around in the slushy snow crap that has been here since thanksgiving.  ~ Kristin

80 replies. read them below or add one

  1. No way am I first.

    I’M FIRST!

    Booya!

    mamatulip’s last blog post..Droppin? like flies: a timeline

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  2. what is the congro like if they have not noticed that and inquired? he he

    amy’s last blog post..Also younger than the sun

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  3. Okay. Now back to your regularly scheduled commenting.

    Seriously? That’s a real sign?

    mamatulip’s last blog post..Droppin? like flies: a timeline

    Like

  4. that’s it. I KNEW MySpace was a religious experience.

    jen’s last blog post..people are people no matter how small

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  5. You know this really reaches towards the core of the fear based issues with our society and how we all seek in vain to satiate that undying need to belong to… whoa… holy crap. I just farted and it smells like rancid squid left in a babies diaper. Wow. Yeah, the dog just left the room. Wait, I don’t think my one cat is breathing…

    furiousball’s last blog post..Making it mean more than 11 miles

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  6. I laughed out loud, this was so funny.

    Thanks for the grin.

    Melanie’s last blog post..Fourteen

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  7. Jesus is actually my friend on MySpace.

    Whit’s last blog post..Horton Hears a Who’s on First*

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  8. Where the hell are my matches….

    Maria’s last blog post..Much better, I’m sure.

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  9. There are dead people on myspace. I see them.

    http://www.mydeathspace.com/

    tela’s last blog post..Tell BlogHer a Little About Yourself

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  10. Now, that’s a sign that really makes you think. At CVS the sign says, “We can fill all your Easter needs here.” Hmmm.

    susiej’s last blog post..When Toys Become Real, like Velveteen

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  11. Jesus died!?

    Did Min catch him giving Reggie that chocolate Ex-Lax again?

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Success

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  12. So I’m confused: do I burn the sign or not? ah f**k it, I’ll just burn it.

    motherbumper’s last blog post..I’m glad to be bad

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  13. So know I know which burb you are in. I can properly stalk you!

    Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..HF: Gender Issues

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  14. We actually had this exact message on a church sign close to my work. They seemed to be very proud of it and left it up for like 4 months or something. They finally changed it some time at the end of last year.

    A friend of mine and I are convinced that there is some sort of secret church sign society where the members all get together and share church sign message ideas. My friend lives in a different city and we have been regularly sharing obnoxious clever church sign messages with each other for years. Pretty much all of them have been used several times in both cities at many different churches. Although this one had only been spotted the one time by me.

    And right, exactly, wtf does that even mean??!! I used to think it was just a case of one church having some grammatical issues, but now I’m more convinced than ever of the SSOTCS (Secret Society Of The Church Signs).

    :::shudder:::

    Like

  15. Only in Texas. Okay, and maybe somewhere in Mississippi.

    Allison’s last blog post..shainsWare.

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  16. I hate Myspace. Well good thing I’m going to hell.

    Oh and on Allison’s comment…Arkansas too.

    Phoenix’s last blog post..Break to a meme, who knew?

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  17. maybe i should take a moment and friend Jesus.

    Like

  18. I;m a heathen tool, but I can never remember if heaven is spelled “en” or “an.” Probably not a lot of space for my kind in heav?n.

    amanda’s last blog post..Gurgles

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  19. I had been reading his blog for several years until he decided to look for a hipper demographic and dumped it. The stories were pretty good but he really wasn’t that funny.

    Jeff’s last blog post..Techno-raunchy

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  20. Things that make you go hmmm…. and hmmmmm… and hmmm…. and then nah…. as you shake your head.

    Lauraszoo’s last blog post..I hate thinking of titles?

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  21. well, I get it, and yet…it still makes me do a V8 slap. ;P

    Speaking of traveling…every time you pass by me, and you no stop? I feel unloved. *sniff* We must get together again…perhaps bbq lunch or something. Else I may cry, and ruin all this nice sunshine. 😛

    The Pear Lady’s last blog post..Weekend Poetry – Gossip Edition

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  22. I have passed that same sign! Had the same reaction to it as you. If I’m dead, I don’t know if I want to be on myspace…. Will I need it then?

    Erica/TxGambit’s last blog post..Open letter to my ex

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  23. I hear Buddha is endorsing Friendster.

    Kelley’s last blog post..The Only Thing to Fear… Is a World Without Bacon.

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  24. I wonder what Jesus’ profile song is?

    zenmomma’s last blog post..I’m feeling kind of unconscious today

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  25. Well clearly myspace is devil squirt.

    flutter’s last blog post..things flutter likes (in pictures)

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  26. Pearland??

    Juanito’s queso is the BEST!

    Weird? sorry

    miss bliss’s last blog post..i’m not so good at this

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  27. Pshaw! Jesus didn’t die *for* MySpace, he died because he forgot the safety word!!
    Oh, wait, that’s one of those dirty little secrets the bastard likes kept out of his history 😉

    diana’s last blog post..Billy Bob’s Visits

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  28. What do you ‘spose Jesus dowloads on itunes? Also…I am TOTALLY for this. My grammmaw’s up there too. But, when she left this world, we were still trying to help her with the VCR. I had to tape FAST REWIND PLAY STOP EJECT on all her buttons. She will want to be all OVER this. She’s going to need somebody to help her with the buttons. Jesus, got my back?? Thanks.

    Greta’s last blog post..Patricia Heaton’s Belly Button(less) Figure

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  29. I have no idea why I spelled that “grammmaw.” It’s late. I’m floatin on Lunesta and chocolate chip cookies.

    Greta’s last blog post..Patricia Heaton’s Belly Button(less) Figure

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  30. I share living space with you in this crazy state and I see crap like this ALL THE TIME!! Add this to the toothless people who get interviewed on the nightly news everytime a “twister” comes through the trailer park and it’s easy to understand why people think we’re crazy down here. Oh…the shame!

    AB’s last blog post..A Roll Call of the Saints

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  31. One time I hit the back of a parked mail truck because I was looking up and reading the sign at the Bible Church near our house.

    So I think it’s safe to conclude that those signs are a menace.

    Lotta’s last blog post..Strange Days Indeed

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  32. There’s a hellfire and brimstone church here that always posts obnoxious interesting messages on their marquis, such as “Sermonettes are for Christianettes”.

    Their latest creation? “Knees Down. Chin Up.” Oh the horror.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..mindsticker

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  33. you know how the churches like to be all “new age’ and keep up with the lingo….just like the sign near my hometown that says
    “C H _ R C H….what is missing?”
    Every time it makes me think of that pick up line…. I got an F, a C, and a K, all I need is U. Then I start to burst into flames and I have to get out of my car and roll around in the slushy snow crap that has been here since thanksgiving. This I usually hate, but lately I’m thankful when the bursting into flames happens. However, I can always look for garden hoses and sprinklers once the warm weather comes, but I digress.

    Like

  34. I always had Jesus pegged as a Facebook kinda guy… probably just for Scrabulous.

    My grandmother does the sign at our church. She’s run a few ideas by me in the past but nothing nearly that bad.

    Justin’s last blog post..So I wasn’t the only one who smelled a rat with the team’s actions

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  35. I don’t Facebook OR Myspace. Guess I’ll have to find some other way to bump into Jesus.

    Sayre’s last blog post..“Don’t mince words, Bones! Tell me what you REALLY think!” – James T. Kirk

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  36. I’m pretty sure Jesus would never use MySpace. Before you know it he’d have all these Mormon friends and they’d all be like “Plural marriage is cool!” And Jesus would be like, “Nuh-uh.” But he’d end up giving in to peer pressure and soon there’d only be three thousand people in heaven and who would need MySpace then? Huh? I ask ya.

    Like

  37. Jesus loves you, but I’m his favorite.

    Seriously. I’m #1 on his friend list.

    markira’s last blog post..Behold, I Stand At The Door And Knock

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  38. Have you seen MyDeathSpace? It tracks all the dead Myspace users: http://www.mydeathspace.com/

    Avitable’s last blog post..Puntabulous Debate

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  39. Yeah, but I don’t know if I would be in Jesus’ Top 8 Friends.

    kirida’s last blog post..the afterparty is at my body!

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  40. I, too, am a Facebook kinda person… Wonder what Jesus would say about that?

    Z’s last blog post..?Hold me tighter, and never let me go?

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  41. So wait, MySpace is a sin? Didn’t Jesus die for my sins? Or is it not a sin and they couldn’t resist the pun?

    Jess’s last blog post..Tidbits

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  42. Jenny that’s brilliant!!! LOL!

    Like

  43. I haven’t been able to read blogs for two days, this SO made wading through all the posts on my google reader worthwhile! Thanks!

    Melessa’s last blog post..Quick Quotes

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  44. These signs are ALL OVER here. That little quip must have been featured in The National Newsletter for Lame Pastors With Changeable Church Signs.

    Not the Mama’s last blog post..?It was very surreal.?

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  45. very, very funny!

    and? you are on facebook?! how could i not know that, i reckon i’m not a “proper” stalker….

    i prefer facebook over myspace b/c frankly, you can shive and stab people there and that’s my kind of fun.

    Like

  46. You know, it’s entirely possible that in another dimension somewhere, I am totally in love with you and the feeling is reciprocated. But alas, just this reality exists and the feelings only run one way. *sigh* You are amazingly bizarre, truly and intelligently funny and an amazing Salsa dancer(i’m not sure about this one, it’s more of a feeling really). Thank you, for being so you.

    Michael’s last blog post..Totally true tales of Mike and Troy, or Zippy and Bongo, or whatever we call ourselves

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  47. I hear that’s what Easter is all about. Plus eggs.

    Tootsie Farklepants’s last blog post..She’ll let a Stranger French Braid her Hair but Cry if I Brush it, W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R

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  48. Myspace is a pretty strange little world, so could probably use some Christy infusions. I’ve been spending a lot more time there than I would like for my music blog. C’mon Jesus!

    Chris in Oxford’s last blog post..Irish Farmhouse Cheddar

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  49. So wait, Jesus is on MySpace? Does that mean all the spam messages of old men trying to hook up with me and modeling “agents” are legit? What if that was him? Crap!

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Happy St. Patrick’s Day

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  50. Hmm . . . but what about the dating cites? Does Jesus have love for Eharmony? Presumably, Jesus doesn’t have as much love for Jdate?

    Law School Hot Mama’s last blog post..Mommy and Me Part 2

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  51. If that’s the case, could someone leave him a message that he should call off his door-knocking friends? If I want his message I could just subscribe to his blog.

    Maggie’s last blog post..Funkadoodliedoo Day

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  52. I wonder if that church is working with this business in order to come up with such catchy, hep sloganery?

    http://www.christvertising.com

    (Because they have, among other things, a wide variety of refreshments.)

    http://www.christvertising.com/where.html

    xoxoxo

    Like

  53. I have to say SOMETHING about the christvertising site… It’s not a joke? I mean, seriously?? These people are fucked up.

    From there own site: “If you like your product, so do we, but more importantly, so does God. We believe that nothing is possible without the Lords blessing and consent. Your product is no exception.”

    That’s good, I was hoping they would endorse my new line of giant vibrating penises made exclusively for gay men. They come is two sizes, ‘Holy Fuck’ and ‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph WHY??’

    Michael’s last blog post..Who was in that movie?? He was??!?

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  54. It’s posts like these that make me stop and go “Dude, this girl is my FRIEND! I’m so fucking LUCKY!” Oh, and yes you can have my hair when I die. 😀

    *hugs*

    Fuzzball’s last blog post..Monday. Yeah, okay. It’s Monday.

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  55. I’m a bit disturbed that you had to warn your readers not to burn the sign down. Have you acquired some creepy Jesus freak stalkers?

    Lawyer Mama’s last blog post..Sexism: This is What Hillary Clinton is up Against

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  56. I nearly peed when I saw the part about facebook! haha 🙂

    amanda’s last blog post..Mommy-Watch:Please Don’t Ash In His Soft Spot

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  57. 57
    Jerseygirl89

    Sadly, I’ve seen this as a t-shirt. In New York.

    Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Oh, How The Mighty Have Fallen

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  58. I would’ve thought that heaven would have a better firewall. Interesting. I wonder if I can hack my way into heaven?

    Like

  59. Awesome. I’m going to hell too. I much prefer facebook!

    (But not like some Silence of the Lambs type facebook where they carve people’s faces off and then put them in a book. Those are really disgusting coffee table books!)

    (Not that I know of, or would ever come up with sicko ideas like that)

    But myspace in heaven? Not quite sure I want to go somewhere so dull.

    Simply Jenn’s last blog post..Well, it’s official. 13 days before Preston turns 13

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  60. When you die your hair and fingernails may conitnue to grow, but your blogging tappers off.

    Like

  61. 61
    Just A. Reader

    So, Jesus is a MySpace guy. Elvis is on LiveJournal (http://elvis.livejournal.com/). And he’s gotten weirder since he died. Not like Jesus getting better, but you know … still weird.

    Like

  62. 62
    The Original Lisa

    So now there is internet in heaven?!? I might just have to rethink this heathen business. Oh Hell.

    Like

  63. Wow. That really puts a different spin on the whole Bible thing. I am now rethinking my whole life…really, heaven is MYSPACE? Crap. I need to go pray…

    HRH’s last blog post..Got Holly?

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  64. Marketing. Reaching out to the youth, or at least trying to.

    Sara’s last blog post..Find Love in the Check-Out Line

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  65. Dude, if that’s what He died for, that was one Holy Tantrum.

    Kyla’s last blog post..Happy anniversary, KayTar!

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  66. I think if Jesus knew there was myspace in heaven, he would roll over in his grave anyhow. Then again, je may well have died for myspace, since he’s supposed to have died for our sins…

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Mama’s Little Helper

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  67. wow – comment of the day, I don’t know if I should be excited or embarrassed. I’ll be excited because I was coherent enough to put words together forming complete sentences that actually made sense AND make someone laugh. 🙂

    Like

  68. OMG, that’s awesome.

    AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Contests, Contests, Contests & Why I Hate My Feet

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  69. That sign is right by my house and it pisses me off. Love your addition! Kristin’s comment ROX!

    Sabrina’s last blog post..Go green today!

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  70. A friend of mine on MySpace died recently, so I would hope they are in heaven…

    Spamboy’s last blog post..Updates for March 9, 2008

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  71. Ah fuck.
    Why the profanity? Two reasons. First. I’m new to your blog and a good swear word makes any comment more interesting. Second. Maybe there is something wrong with me that I get that sign? Aren’t they saying my space and trying to be witty by writing it as one word?
    It ain’t funny, but apparently it’s workin’.
    Just mythought, goddammit. (one more at the end tends to help)

    Like

  72. LMAO, too, too funny. Especially enjoyed your sign edit 🙂

    Hay’s last blog post..Happy E A S T E R Everyone

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  73. You crack me right the heck up!

    Damselfly’s last blog post..Flatter me, and you just might get hugged

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  74. 74
    confusedtwenty

    Yah, this is British government advertising for you.

    Watch out for the asshole cyclists who cycle through red lights on busy junctions.

    How many lights do you see? One? Oh and it’s green? And how many cyclists did you run over on the opposite road’s red light? THIRTEEN.

    confusedtwenty’s last blog post..And it Goes?

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  75. Y’know I saw that same thing on a t-shirt at the science museum the other day. I feel kind’a bad for the guy. I mean, I love myspace as much as the next gal, but dying for it seems a little severe.

    Jill/Twipply Skwood’s last blog post..I Ate This Guy Yesterday

    Like

  76. wow r u guys that stupid that u cant even figure it out i mean its really stupid and makes me think of old ppl trying 2 b cool but its very obvious what they mean cereally peeps

    Like

  77. I think they were just trying to be witty. Its sad to see so many christians being so judgemental and so negative over a sign that the church cleary thought would catch the attention of younger people. Im sure Jesus thought it was cute. Im pretty sure that its in Gods plan that our technology is growing so I dont see whats so wrong about a church making a sign that is based on it. Its not like they were trying to say that myspace is the key to heaven, they were saying that he died for my space in heaven and some old lady probably thought it would be “hip” to push the two words together..lol Ease up people

    Like

  78. I think the person who put the letters up meant to say “Jesus died for my space in heaven” and simply forgot to space out the letters a bit more. If not, then fuck if I know what they’re trying to say.

    Like

  79. -just to clarify, since my post was formatted oddly… the sign probably means that “Jesus died to save me a space in heaven.”

    Like

  80. 80
    Lady Penelope

    Sounds pretty spot on to me – church and myspace are both places I’d rather avoid …

    Like

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