Jesus loves MySpace

I pass this sign all the time and try to figure out what it means:


So Jesus died so we could access Myspace in heaven?  I’m no theologian but can’t Jesus just wiggle his nose and make stuff happen?  If you think Jesus has to die so that you can get access to MySpace then you have serious problems, my friend.  I suspect this whole sign is a trick question and the answer is “Burn down this sign*”.

PS.  If you’re dead and still on MySpace I’m pretty sure you’re not in heaven.

*Don’t burn down this sign.

Comment of the day:  You know how the churches like to be all “new age” and keep up with the lingo…just like the sign near my hometown that says “C H _ R C H…What is missing?”  Every time it makes me think of that pick up line…. I got an F, a C, and a K, all I need is U. Then I start to burst into flames and I have to get out of my car and roll around in the slushy snow crap that has been here since thanksgiving.  ~ Kristin

80 thoughts on “Jesus loves MySpace

Read comments below or add one.

  1. You know this really reaches towards the core of the fear based issues with our society and how we all seek in vain to satiate that undying need to belong to… whoa… holy crap. I just farted and it smells like rancid squid left in a babies diaper. Wow. Yeah, the dog just left the room. Wait, I don’t think my one cat is breathing…

    furiousball’s last blog post..Making it mean more than 11 miles

  2. We actually had this exact message on a church sign close to my work. They seemed to be very proud of it and left it up for like 4 months or something. They finally changed it some time at the end of last year.

    A friend of mine and I are convinced that there is some sort of secret church sign society where the members all get together and share church sign message ideas. My friend lives in a different city and we have been regularly sharing obnoxious clever church sign messages with each other for years. Pretty much all of them have been used several times in both cities at many different churches. Although this one had only been spotted the one time by me.

    And right, exactly, wtf does that even mean??!! I used to think it was just a case of one church having some grammatical issues, but now I’m more convinced than ever of the SSOTCS (Secret Society Of The Church Signs).


  3. I;m a heathen tool, but I can never remember if heaven is spelled “en” or “an.” Probably not a lot of space for my kind in heav?n.

    amanda’s last blog post..Gurgles

  4. I had been reading his blog for several years until he decided to look for a hipper demographic and dumped it. The stories were pretty good but he really wasn’t that funny.

    Jeff’s last blog post..Techno-raunchy

  5. well, I get it, and yet…it still makes me do a V8 slap. ;P

    Speaking of traveling…every time you pass by me, and you no stop? I feel unloved. *sniff* We must get together again…perhaps bbq lunch or something. Else I may cry, and ruin all this nice sunshine. 😛

    The Pear Lady’s last blog post..Weekend Poetry – Gossip Edition

  6. Pshaw! Jesus didn’t die *for* MySpace, he died because he forgot the safety word!!
    Oh, wait, that’s one of those dirty little secrets the bastard likes kept out of his history 😉

    diana’s last blog post..Billy Bob’s Visits

  7. What do you ‘spose Jesus dowloads on itunes? Also…I am TOTALLY for this. My grammmaw’s up there too. But, when she left this world, we were still trying to help her with the VCR. I had to tape FAST REWIND PLAY STOP EJECT on all her buttons. She will want to be all OVER this. She’s going to need somebody to help her with the buttons. Jesus, got my back?? Thanks.

    Greta’s last blog post..Patricia Heaton’s Belly Button(less) Figure

  8. I share living space with you in this crazy state and I see crap like this ALL THE TIME!! Add this to the toothless people who get interviewed on the nightly news everytime a “twister” comes through the trailer park and it’s easy to understand why people think we’re crazy down here. Oh…the shame!

    AB’s last blog post..A Roll Call of the Saints

  9. One time I hit the back of a parked mail truck because I was looking up and reading the sign at the Bible Church near our house.

    So I think it’s safe to conclude that those signs are a menace.

    Lotta’s last blog post..Strange Days Indeed

  10. There’s a hellfire and brimstone church here that always posts obnoxious interesting messages on their marquis, such as “Sermonettes are for Christianettes”.

    Their latest creation? “Knees Down. Chin Up.” Oh the horror.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..mindsticker

  11. you know how the churches like to be all “new age’ and keep up with the lingo….just like the sign near my hometown that says
    “C H _ R C H….what is missing?”
    Every time it makes me think of that pick up line…. I got an F, a C, and a K, all I need is U. Then I start to burst into flames and I have to get out of my car and roll around in the slushy snow crap that has been here since thanksgiving. This I usually hate, but lately I’m thankful when the bursting into flames happens. However, I can always look for garden hoses and sprinklers once the warm weather comes, but I digress.

  12. I’m pretty sure Jesus would never use MySpace. Before you know it he’d have all these Mormon friends and they’d all be like “Plural marriage is cool!” And Jesus would be like, “Nuh-uh.” But he’d end up giving in to peer pressure and soon there’d only be three thousand people in heaven and who would need MySpace then? Huh? I ask ya.

  13. So wait, MySpace is a sin? Didn’t Jesus die for my sins? Or is it not a sin and they couldn’t resist the pun?

    Jess’s last blog post..Tidbits

  14. I haven’t been able to read blogs for two days, this SO made wading through all the posts on my google reader worthwhile! Thanks!

    Melessa’s last blog post..Quick Quotes

  15. very, very funny!

    and? you are on facebook?! how could i not know that, i reckon i’m not a “proper” stalker….

    i prefer facebook over myspace b/c frankly, you can shive and stab people there and that’s my kind of fun.

  16. You know, it’s entirely possible that in another dimension somewhere, I am totally in love with you and the feeling is reciprocated. But alas, just this reality exists and the feelings only run one way. *sigh* You are amazingly bizarre, truly and intelligently funny and an amazing Salsa dancer(i’m not sure about this one, it’s more of a feeling really). Thank you, for being so you.

    Michael’s last blog post..Totally true tales of Mike and Troy, or Zippy and Bongo, or whatever we call ourselves

  17. If that’s the case, could someone leave him a message that he should call off his door-knocking friends? If I want his message I could just subscribe to his blog.

    Maggie’s last blog post..Funkadoodliedoo Day

  18. I have to say SOMETHING about the christvertising site… It’s not a joke? I mean, seriously?? These people are fucked up.

    From there own site: “If you like your product, so do we, but more importantly, so does God. We believe that nothing is possible without the Lords blessing and consent. Your product is no exception.”

    That’s good, I was hoping they would endorse my new line of giant vibrating penises made exclusively for gay men. They come is two sizes, ‘Holy Fuck’ and ‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph WHY??’

    Michael’s last blog post..Who was in that movie?? He was??!?

  19. Awesome. I’m going to hell too. I much prefer facebook!

    (But not like some Silence of the Lambs type facebook where they carve people’s faces off and then put them in a book. Those are really disgusting coffee table books!)

    (Not that I know of, or would ever come up with sicko ideas like that)

    But myspace in heaven? Not quite sure I want to go somewhere so dull.

    Simply Jenn’s last blog post..Well, it’s official. 13 days before Preston turns 13

  20. When you die your hair and fingernails may conitnue to grow, but your blogging tappers off.

  21. So now there is internet in heaven?!? I might just have to rethink this heathen business. Oh Hell.

  22. Wow. That really puts a different spin on the whole Bible thing. I am now rethinking my whole life…really, heaven is MYSPACE? Crap. I need to go pray…

    HRH’s last blog post..Got Holly?

  23. I think if Jesus knew there was myspace in heaven, he would roll over in his grave anyhow. Then again, je may well have died for myspace, since he’s supposed to have died for our sins…

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Mama’s Little Helper

  24. wow – comment of the day, I don’t know if I should be excited or embarrassed. I’ll be excited because I was coherent enough to put words together forming complete sentences that actually made sense AND make someone laugh. 🙂

  25. Ah fuck.
    Why the profanity? Two reasons. First. I’m new to your blog and a good swear word makes any comment more interesting. Second. Maybe there is something wrong with me that I get that sign? Aren’t they saying my space and trying to be witty by writing it as one word?
    It ain’t funny, but apparently it’s workin’.
    Just mythought, goddammit. (one more at the end tends to help)

  26. Yah, this is British government advertising for you.

    Watch out for the asshole cyclists who cycle through red lights on busy junctions.

    How many lights do you see? One? Oh and it’s green? And how many cyclists did you run over on the opposite road’s red light? THIRTEEN.

    confusedtwenty’s last blog post..And it Goes?

  27. wow r u guys that stupid that u cant even figure it out i mean its really stupid and makes me think of old ppl trying 2 b cool but its very obvious what they mean cereally peeps

  28. I think they were just trying to be witty. Its sad to see so many christians being so judgemental and so negative over a sign that the church cleary thought would catch the attention of younger people. Im sure Jesus thought it was cute. Im pretty sure that its in Gods plan that our technology is growing so I dont see whats so wrong about a church making a sign that is based on it. Its not like they were trying to say that myspace is the key to heaven, they were saying that he died for my space in heaven and some old lady probably thought it would be “hip” to push the two words Ease up people

  29. I think the person who put the letters up meant to say “Jesus died for my space in heaven” and simply forgot to space out the letters a bit more. If not, then fuck if I know what they’re trying to say.

  30. -just to clarify, since my post was formatted oddly… the sign probably means that “Jesus died to save me a space in heaven.”

  31. Sounds pretty spot on to me – church and myspace are both places I’d rather avoid …

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