I'm quite afraid I've built up this ninja post too much

So according to my blog keyword search, a crazy amount of people are insanely paranoid about ninjas and are crap spellers. I mean, I’m obviously not one to cast stones after my recent, tiny ninja punctuation crisis but this shit is ridiculous.  I mean, no judgment and I totally can’t tell which of you got here by butchering ninja phrases but really?  In the last month 70 different people found this blog while looking for what I can only imagine is some sort of proof that there are, in fact…

Ninjas.

Everywhere. 

Their psychotic leavings in order of popularity:

ninjasa.jpg

I know you’re thinking that it couldn’t get worse but you would be wrong:

ninjas2a.jpg

And I’m not even going to bring up the searches for “ningas” which are apparently “everywear”.  Of which there are more than two.  Searches, that is.  Not “ningas”.

In conclusion, I have to say that you people are. freaking. paranoid.   Ninjas are not everywhere and even if they were, you wouldn’t see them anyway.  Because their fucking ninjas.  I mean, there’re ninjas.  Fuck.  Now I’m doing it.

PS.  Just because a ninja won’t sleep with you that doesn’t make her a whore, Todd.

PPS.  I know what you’re thinking.  You’re all “Wait a minute!  If she can’t see who is using those searches then how did she know that was Todd gettin’ all pissy about the ninja whores?!” 

And the answer is that you were actually right to be paranoid.  Ninjas are everywhere.

Nah, I’m just kidding.  Everyone knows Todd’s a freak about propositioning ninjas all the time.  It’s embarrassing.  Also Todd, those aren’t ninjas.  They’re pandas and they just aren’t that into you.  This is why you keep getting banned from zoos.

PS.  I wrote this whole post on xanax.  You can’t even tell, right?

Comment of the day:  Re: “Ninja whores” Is that the whore of a ninja or just a really fast, sneaky whore? Like they jump out in the middle of the night, fuck you, take your money, and you’re all like. Huh? What just happened? ~ctina1973

126 thoughts on “I'm quite afraid I've built up this ninja post too much

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Everyone knows the only reason to have a blog is to see the keywords that lead people to it.

    There’re. There’re. There’re. It’s a tongue twister of epic proportions.

    Heather’s last blog post..Skinny Baby

  2. Everyone knows the MOST ninjas were in Hawaii during the mid-1980’s. Just watch any episode of Magnum PI.

  3. I do not believe you one bit. However, if you send me some xanax bars I will believe everything you say from here on out…until I need refill. You can email me so as to find where to send my prescription!

    P.S. – I have hired ninjas to watch you and report back to me as to your doings in reference to this post.

  4. There’re

    Really?

    Either we are a nation of complete idiots or we aren’t recruiting the best and brightest to serve as language arts instructors.

    WHAT IS GOING ON IN GRAMMAR CLASS, PEOPLE?

  5. ok at “that’s just rude” I snorted and choked on my gum, which made me cough-laugh and I peed my pants a little.

    So I am pretty sure the ninjas are responsible.

    flutter’s last blog post..Moving day

  6. At least they weren’t searching for ninja’s underwear. I wonder if ninjas wear underwear? I’ve never seen a ninja movie where they stop to fix a wedgie and with all that jumping around and stuff you’d think they’d have them all the time! I get a damn wedgie just sitting!

    Re: “Ninja whores” Is that the whore of a ninja or just a really fast, sneaky whore? Like they jump out in the middle of the night, fuck you, take your money, and you’re all like. Huh? What just happened?

  7. I read this amazing “young adult” book once called “Knocked out by my nunga-nungas” (which is the sequel to “angus thongs and full frontal snogging”) and I naively thought that nunga-nungas were boobs – it obviously is referring to getting knocked out by incognito ningas.

    the only keyword searches that have led people to my blog is “picky eaters anonymous” “john cusack” and “don’t sweat it, they’re just hatin cuz you’re dope”

    Deidre’s last blog post..A Note to Self

  8. After reading the comments, I totally forgot what I was going to say…

    But this reminds me of why it’s impossible to travel back in time. But I can’t share that with you right now, because of the ninjas and whores…

    Kylie’s last blog post..You say it’s your birthday!

  9. So their ARE stupid questions!

    (that hurt to write, btw…it just ain’t in me….)

    The funny thought is I bet this is TAME compared to other searches that land on The Bloggesssss. Hopefully it’s not “smart” compared to them!

    You haven’t gotten googled for “They’are squid whores everywear”, have you?

  10. The Xanax is barely noticeable. Seriously. Just put a little concealer on it and you’re good.

    I don’t think you built up the post too much: it was very entertaining. And educational! I learned that people who are paranoid about ninjas kent spel wurth beens.

    janet’s last blog post..C’est moi, Blanche DuBois

  11. I’m just glad someone (that soomeone would be ctina1973) finally figured out the secret of the ninja whores. I was wondering why I kept waking up with money missing from my wallet, smelling like sex. Well, you know, on the nights that I HADN’T been drinking.

  12. Some ninjas were waiting for me at my apartment last night, but they were the ones who fought Magnum PI in the 80’s, so they were older and said they just needed a place to crash. When I awoke, my kidneys were both removed and replaced by smaller ninjas, just tokkep an eye on me…I have no idea how I am still alive.

  13. I guess there’re none ninga-lovers allowed to attend school? Proly cause they’ll’ll assume everyone there’res a whore.

    I love it when you post about random shit and xanax in the mornings, it starts my day off on such a high note.

    Elle’s last blog post..Clean Kitchen, Small Butt?

  14. I don’t get funny searches either, though I do get plenty of misspelled, grammatically unsound ones. (I don’t know if that says more about me or my readers.)

    Kathy’s last blog post..Shut up and tip me

  15. I wonder if the ABOT searches came from Canada. You know they say it weird up there. (Did I even spell that right? Now I am paranoid about spelling THERE!!)
    And Ninja Squid, on Bikes?

    I am going to take a Xanax and lie down, my head hurts.

    But I love you for making my head hurt.

    Faith’s last blog post..Note’s From Preschool

  16. Whore ninjas would be rather interesting, actually. In a kinky sort of way. Cause you totally wouldn’t even know who blew you since you couldn’t see them. Of course, some people have that problem anyway, but that’s only because of too much beer. Or Xanax perhaps.

    Lara’s last blog post..Happiness

  17. Don’t you people realize that a ninga is just a female ninja?? Damn, it’s just “gina”, with an extra “n”. BTW, Jenny, can we go back to discussing vaginas, please? Yours or any of your friends’ will be fine.

  18. I’m not afraid of ninjas. Or ningas. I’m just a little bit afraid of these people, who walk around the world right. next. to. the rest of us. What the hell?

    I hear that ninja whores charge the most, but it’s totally worth it.

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..Beary annoying (yeah, I know)

  19. And Googlers continue to scare the ever-loving-shit out of me.

    On #18 – Is anyone looking into these ninja- shaped tumors or has medical research totally dropped the ball on this one?

    andi’s last blog post..Keeping you in the loop

  20. See if they had said Aboot Ninjas then I would have said it was a Canadian searching for Ninjas. But abot doesn’t cut it.

    And btw – in the The People’s Party Post (for the Party that is gonna RAWK) why did you wedge Canadian between amazing and socially retarded, is that some kind of ranking system, eh?

    motherbumper’s last blog post..She Bangs?

  21. i think i’m violating the over 30 comment JP rule by commenting, but what the fuck? comments. there’re everwhere.

  22. I’ve been dead for like… some time now. But then I came back to life after reading your blog again. Which makes no sense since not reading your blog was part of being dead for a long time. But hey, whatever, it’s not like I need to make sense. Regardless, you=funny, me=laughing, ninjas=everywhere.

    MichaelTAdams’s last blog post..Troy and Mike Show!

  23. on my old blog, i got the most hits from around the world on searches for “swollen uvula” and “bert the farting hippo.”

    I had no idea that Swollen Uvulas were such a world wide health crisis. It happens to me every now and then. And bert the farting hippo, I blame on the popularity of NCIS.

    i don’t think i have ever used the word ninja or vagina in either of my blogs. vaninja? what might that be, a vagina skilled in marital arts? I mean Martial Arts. Death by Vaninja!

    pookie addams’s last blog post..Breakdown, go ahead and give it to me

  24. I know I haven’t been reading you blog that long, but this is the funniest shit in the WORLD..and you didn’t even have to come up with it..all it took was an idiot and a search engine..your comments did help.

    mp’s last blog post..I hate “mommy-bloggers”

  25. Perhaps that last one was looking for nuga-nungas. Which, if they had typed “underwear” instead, would pretty much make sense… I mean, ISN’T the internet for porn?

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Notes

  26. Please don’t plan a trip to Denver any time soon. A local suburban wildlife museum is bringing an exibit called In Search of Giant Squid. They say it “features an actual giant squid beak, their suckers and eggs.”

    They have suckers and eggs? Who needs to see that?!

  27. My ex was the worst. speller. ever. AND the grammar! I used to flinch when he talked. Yeah, we broke up because he was a moron.

    Naughty’s last blog post..Ghetto

  28. I had a comment all ready to go and a Ninja zapped it. I was telling Ninja secrets —
    They are everywhere – and they didn’t like it.

    I haven’t decided if your post is a result of too much Xanax, or not enough. bwa!

    Pamela’s last blog post..CYBER SHOWER ** Sticky Post

  29. I am seriously concerned about the tremendous ability you have to take one word and endlessly riff upon it until I’m choking on my gaffaws and the tears are streaming fast.

    Either your xanax meds need upping or mine do! Wait! I don’t take it.

    Maybe that’s the problem…

    Loraleigh Vance’s last blog post..The Pain of Personal Growth

  30. You know the refrain to the first cover of the latest about-to-make-it teen band is something angst-ridden that sounds like “ninjas there’re everywhere” and you picked up every twelve-year-olds’ search for the complete lyrics and free download.

    Jennifer’s last blog post..the culture gap

  31. LOL. Jenny, dude, you’re freaking hilarious!!!

    um, one of my biggest pet peeves is the fact that people do NOT know when and where to their, they’re, there.

    another one? I guess they teach kids in high school that “what” is now spelled “wot”. Or maybe my cousins are just fucking stupid.

    Defiantmuse’s last blog post..Class of 1998

  32. OK, random thought here (which I will regret since my blog is rated PG) but what about Ninjinas. They are like ninjas which jump out of a hoo hoo in the case of emergency.

    Don’t ask. I just came from Good Mom / Bad Mom… Blame Pookie for sticking it in my head.

    Houston’s last blog post..Dang It!

  33. I’m thinking that “there’re” was intended to be the contraction for “there are,” rather like “we’re” is a contraction for “we are.” It’s some obscure grammar, much like ninja grammar, but it’s technically correct. Unlike ninja grammar, which is technically covert. Vagina.

  34. I love to see what words people are searching for when they stumble upon my blog.

    My 3 favorites of yours:
    ninjas they’are everywhere
    ninjas there’re everywhere
    ninjas there every whore

    Everyone keeps searching for 7th grade science projects on mine. Love Sitemeter!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Good School News

  35. At least these are funny. I get a ridiculous number of searches for some variation of “The Moral of The Princess and The Pea”. You know, because that’s a tough one to figure out without google.

    Diana’s last blog post..And We Named It Herman…

  36. #42 myocardia, glad I could help you figure out the ninja whores. Now you can take the appropriate medications to rid yourself of any residual side affects. ick… Damn dirty ninja whores.

  37. When I was pregnant I made the mistake of writing a post called “Porn for pica sufferers.” Now I get a million hits a day from people who can’t type looking for “porn pica.” It took me a while to figure out there’re just looking for porn pics.

    New Duck’s last blog post..Zero

  38. OMG! New Duck’s comment reminds me of a post I did about pantyhose lessons, meaning how I was teaching my daughter the proper way to put on pantyhose. I get a lot of searches for “women in pantyhose!” That just freaks me out!

    And the other one is when I posted about this HUGE ring I bought and my post was called “Nothing Says Latina Like a Big Ring.” Well you can just use your imagination on what kind of searches lead ‘curious’ people there. The most common: Latinas Like it Big. What the heck?

  39. This is the funniest thing I have ever read! Beats all crap’tapular emails that bloat my inbox every day. Thank you Stumble Upon for introducing me to the Bloggess! Fantastic. My sides hurt from laughing!

  40. I can’t pronounce it!

    “There-errrr”
    “There-rawr”

    Gah.

    Hilarious read, by the way.

    But what of Ninja-Pirates?

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