A rant without ninjas

I know I promised you a kick-ass ninja story but I just have to quickly respond to the 23rd person to threaten to unsubscribe to Mama Drama if I don’t hurry up and write a post there.  I don’t write there anymore.  I write at Good Mom/Bad Mom.  And you should read it because it’s awesome and yesterday I accidentally published a curse word there and it totally slid past the censors so right now you can read “shit” on the Houston Chronicle until they read this and fire me from a blog that I don’t actually get paid for anyway.  Wait…is that “firing”?  It’s probably more like “banning”.  Anyway, today’s post is all about how I single-handedly destroyed a commune, got sewer water on me in front of an internet celebrity, and made my kid sell alcohol to strangers.  For real.  You should go read it before I get fired banned.

Ninja story is a-comin’, swear to God.

PS.  Conversation I just had with my coworker…

Me:  If I’m writing about plural ninjas should I use an apostrophe?

Coworker:  No. 

Me:  Are you sure?

Coworker (patronizingly):  *sigh*  Do the ninjas own something?

Me:  No, they’re just there.  You know, being ninjas.  Why?  Is it different if it’s possessive?

Coworker:  Yes.  How do you not know this?

Me:  Ninja punctuation is hard!

Comment of the day (which is either really insulting or just taken completely out of context): Um, I didn’t find SHIT over there. Just CRAP.  ~Faith

64 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Nothing witty to offer, just wanted to be the first to comment.

    Indeed I am needy.

  2. Amy I love you, below is why. I just posted something about this somewhere else. It has nothing to do w/ ninjas.

    I love it when people post FIRST!!!! and then are like 4th or 18th (soooo awesome…like when I was a cheerleader and I’d start a cheer like “Get that ball” and someone would be all “uh Greta…we already have the ball”…which is REALLY weird ‘cuz I was a wrestling cheerleader).

    Also…would it be ninji?

    Greta’s last blog post..Are you there God it’s Me Greta? A/K/A Google Blows

  3. damn that ninja punctuation! So unlike english punctuation and yet totally the same….

    flutter’s last blog post..Therapy notes: The hidden session

  4. My all-time favorite grammer/spelling mistake: different’s. As instead of difference. Yes, the person who made this mistake was prolly the dumbest person in California … and that’s pretty effing dumb.

    You are only half as dumb for lack of ninja punctuation skills.

    Maternal Mirth’s last blog post..Maternal Crushes: M&M <3’s …

  5. the reason you, and frankly, not many other people know about ninja punctuation is because ninjas/ninjii/ninjaes are super secret stealth people. there is no book about how to be a ninja, or how to write like a ninja. duh.

    if you tell me there is, i’ll kick your ass.

    Maggie’s last blog post..I’m Listing

  6. …so right now you can read “shit” on the Houston Chronicle…

    There are those who would tell you that pretty much all you read on the Chronicle is shit.

    I think they are just party-poopers.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Mountains in haze

  7. Where are the ninjas?

    I am going to stare at your swear word now.

    HRH’s last blog post..Potluck: It’s new. It’s media. It’s new media…

  8. Plural ninja = ninji?

    Getting fired from an unpaid job = *un*-working?

    My self-awareness today = lacking?

    Spamboy’s last blog post..Subscribe to Comments Plugin

  9. I would like to see “shit” pop up in one or more of those snooty Sunday wedding announcements, myself.

    What is a group of ninjas called? A herd? A swarm, perhaps? Idle minds want to know!

    Also:

    My all-time favorite grammar/spelling mistake: different’s.

    Jesus wept.

  10. can I come live in your pocket? ninja adventures, sailor swearing, and high-riding (wink) tales of glory are right up my alley.

    Kimberlee’s last blog post..freakishly puzzling, sometimes insulting emails.

  11. damn…

    i missed seeing “shit” on the chron.

    seeing shit here just isn’t as exciting. it’s more like i expect to see it here. shit. damn. fuck…

    all those fun words

    Biddy’s last blog post..Friday Fill In…nevermind that it’s technically saturday…

  12. ha! just kidding. i found the shit.

    and, as i expected, i laughed like a retarded hyena

    Biddy’s last blog post..Friday Fill In…nevermind that it’s technically saturday…

  13. Interesting that they won’t allow a curse word, but then they have these insanely racist, offensive comments from readers. Who are those readers any way?? Definitely not the same readers of Mama Drama and Good Mom/Bad Mom. 😉

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..The Joys of Motherhood & Lapband Update

  14. I’ve got a thing about correct apostrophe usage. I’d be glad to answer your questions in a non-patronizing way. 🙂

    3carnations’s last blog post..A weekend of coincidences

  15. Good Mom/Bad Mom IS awesome. And now I can say it’s the shit, man.

    Or whatever people with more street cred than me say.

    The whole reason ninja punctuation is hard is they stopped teaching it in our public schools. You should start a campaign to bring it back, along with cursive.

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..First steps

  16. I am laughing at Ed. T- I’ve never read the Chronicle but might be persuaded to, at least once. I did catch the ‘shit’ over there but it totally fit. What’s the bruhaha?

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..I’m It

  17. if you are interested in what a real ninja thinks, you should check out this youtube video. so fucking funny.


    (it’s safe, it’s Galoot’s brother in law)

    princessslea’s last blog post..holy moly paul showed up

  18. 18
    Just A. Reader

    Whenever you have a question about ninja punctuation, just remember the immortal words of Always maxi pads: Have a Happy Period.

  19. vagina

    pookie addams’s last blog post..isn’t this as beautiful as a classic painting

  20. wait, that wasn’t my last blog post! something is amiss.

  21. did you know that ninjas actually invented the asterisk? don’t believe me?

    look…. *

    if that isn’t the spitting image of a shuriken (throwing star), my name isn’t Mary Lou Retton…

    oh wait…

    fuck

    furiousball’s last blog post..my sasquatch joint

  22. I like that. No honey, I didn’t get fired from my job, I got banned. Either way, how do you feel about eating Ramen for the rest of the month?

    Noelle’s last blog post..1. The Mid-Hudson Bridge

  23. I’m not laughing at you – I’m laughing with you.

    with.you.

    That isn’t possessive, btw.

    OMSH’s last blog post..It is a good day for the rain and antlers

  24. The reason ninja punctuation is so hard is because those ninjas like to have the extra apostrophe around so they can whip it at people like one of those throwing star things. And let me tell you, apostrophes hurt when they get stuck in your eye.

    Victoria’s last blog post..F is for Food

  25. I think apostrophe’s should be added whenever it feels right. It’s not about “rules”, but more about “emphasis”.

    jennie’s last blog post..The newest member of our family

  26. But the ninjas MUST own SOMETHING….. Right?

    CC’s last blog post..Children’s Book Monday: Stone Soup

  27. It’s the tail on those apostrophes that get stuck in your eye when the ninjae throw them. Periods just bounce off your head. Why would they use those?

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Tuesday Trivia: Cookies

  28. Um, I didn’t find no SHIT over there. Just CRAP. Maybe someone made you change it?

    And when you write about the ninji please post the formula for wealth and unicorns. I need to know.

    Faith’s last blog post..Tell Me What Toddler Doesn’t Have A Huge Head And I’ll Show You A Big Fat Liar

  29. No, shit was on yesterday’s post. Crap was on today’s.

    http://blogs.chron.com/goodmombadmom/2008/05/blog_round_up.html

    Vagina…vageena.

  30. Apparently the collective noun for a group of ninja is ‘thong’.

    Just thought you’d like to know.

    fatboyfat’s last blog post..Bank holiday Monday musings

  31. LMAO!
    Did you see John Goodman’s bit from the new Speed Racer flick on LIVE! this morning? He makes a crack about “none-jas”, because, you know… the ninjas, well, they kind of sucked.

    You cursed on the Chron site? really? can I hug you! You’re greatest accomplishment! Now you can scratch that off the bucket list…

    Shades’s last blog post..Same Old, same old…

  32. Dude’s, tho’s ninja’s? They are super fierce an’ all. They like fight shit and bad guy’s. My mom say’s I can totally be one for Halloween’s this’ year’s. P.S. Who’s the only one here who know’s the illegal ninja move’s from the government?
    That’s right. Me’s

    FabGirl’s last blog post..OH, HAI!

  33. What’s the bruhaha?

    They don’t want the howling mob to lynch the Reader Rep “Community standards.”

    OhMyGod how ironic is that!? hahahahahahaha…

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Layers

  34. I is retarded. I saw the “shit” now.

    I probably should lay off the pain med and tequila combination.

    I said probably

    Faith’s last blog post..Tell Me What Toddler Doesn’t Have A Huge Head And I’ll Show You A Big Fat Liar

  35. What? No ninjas in this post? Where’s that unsubscribe button again? ;P Thanks to that sensible co-worker you have there teaching you about possessives, otherwise I might’ve been forced make a citizen’s arrest to the grammar police. 😉
    I saw some tv promo recently that teased about ‘mama drama’…no, not the blog, but my mind went there, too. 😀

    The Pear Lady’s last blog post..Booking through Thursday – Mayday!

  36. *sigh* No ninjas…

    Ninja don’t follow your stinking punctuation rules. Ninja just are.

    But don’t call them ‘ninji’ cause then they go all medieval on your arse and medieval ninja are NASTY!

    And I was just talking to the ninja and they hate people that do that ‘first comment W00t!’ thing. Expect a visit Miss Amy… we know where you are.

    Kelley’s last blog post..Take me drinking with you. I mean, to BlogHer.

  37. Oh and the ninja tell me to thankyou for pimping my post on Good Mom/ Bad Mom. But they request you pimp my latest cause on THIS blog.

    They have some Ninja moves that they want to practice on your stupid chicken winged unicorn if you don’t. And unicorns in pain are worse than a man with a cold who has lost the remote.

    Just warning you.

    Kelley’s last blog post..Take me drinking with you. I mean, to BlogHer.

  38. “Ninja punctuation is hard.”

    For that sentence alone–I LOVE you!

    MammaLoves’s last blog post..How He Became Our Son, Part III

  39. You should have told your co-worker, “Yes, yes, they do own something…your ass!” Muaaaahhhhhhaaahhhhaaa! Oh wait ninja(‘s) don’t say much do they? So no evil laugh then.

    Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..Bear With Me

  40. Only you would worry about Ninja punctuation.

    Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Finding Neverland (and my table is accused of naughty nookie)

  41. seriously bloggess, even PAULA could have gotten that 🙂

    piglet’s last blog post..retarded auto-pilot

  42. Regina monologues

    pookie addams’s last blog post..fun monday, we could be heroes,

  43. Wait, shit is a swear word? Holy…

    So no wonder people give me the evil eye when I take my kids out in public.

    Kylie’s last blog post..Happy Birthday to Who?

  44. A ninja does not require punctuation. I know one and asked her for you.

    Thanks GOD I made GM/BM before you got banned!

    Kimberly’s last blog post..Planning to Screw Myself

  45. Who cares about ninjas? I was going into withdrawal, with the lack of talk about vaginas, until thankfully, pookie addams saved me. Do you people realize how bad vagina withdrawal happens to be? Uhh, nevermind, forget that last line.

  46. I wonder if there’s an career in tasering ninjas?

    ‘Cause…I think I’d be good at it.

    Kevin Charnas’s last blog post..Fritz Haeg Is A Total Badass

  47. i wish i had coworkers like yours 🙂

    ali’s last blog post..it’s just a number, right? dear god, tell me it’s just a number!

  48. Ninja punctuation maybe hard, but ninja conjugation is even harder. The key is knowing when a ninja is being used as a verb and not a noun. The same is true for the word ‘shit’ and if your editors at the Chronicle know the difference, it will totally determine whether or not they ban you. Or burn–I mean fire you. Either way the scarring will be significant…both the physical kind as well as mental.

    AB’s last blog post..Wherein our hero(ine) wonders what she did before kids

  49. May be hard. Never type while drinking during the day. Night time is okay, though. Classier.

    AB’s last blog post..Wherein our hero(ine) wonders what she did before kids

  50. I think Vagina Punctuation is WAY harder than Ninja Punctuation.

    Speaking of vaginas. I owe you an email. Or should I say WE owe you an email?

    Y’s last blog post..I Want to See The World Through Her Eyes.

  51. I know what you mean about the ninja punctuation; I had to re-do that unit three times at ninja school. Seriously.

    Speaking of ninjas (the ninja? ninjae? see? hopeless)Have you seen this?

    janet’s last blog post..C’est moi, Blanche DuBois

  52. Incorrect apostrophe use makes me want to pull off my fingernails and throw them at people. However, in your case, it’s charming.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..dogs

  53. I thought shit was now a legal part of our normal vocabulary… or maybe I’m just thinking about my normal vocabulary.

    I hope the ninja post includes video, sans vagina.

    holli’s last blog post..Sea Monkey Die (and Faith update).

  54. Where is a damn Ninja dictionary when you need one? 😉 ”s always confuse me. So do commas.

    Claudia’s last blog post..Perspective

  55. Dirty ninjas . . . they’re just using their ninja punctuation on you to freak you out. They’re sneaky like that.

    Law School Hot Mama’s last blog post..Ninth Totally Incensed Tuesday: This Week’s T.I.T. = Kansas!

  56. If they ban you I’m totally boycotting the Houston Chronicle. Which would suck for them because I live in California.

    AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..A Long Time Coming

  57. .ajnin a m’I

    (example of how REAL ninjas speak.)

    Dawn’s last blog post..What I did with my day

  58. Ninja punctuation is hard.

    Maria’s last blog post..It’s my test tube, it can be a boy if I want it to.

  59. […] are crap spellers. I mean, I’m obviously not one to cast stones after my recent, tiny ninja punctuation crisis but this shit is ridiculous.  I mean, no judgment and I totally can’t tell which of you got […]

  60. faith didn’t look hard enough. shit is still totally there…

    biddy’s last blog post..i’m having more issues…

  61. The “comment of the day” was the highlight of my trip to bloggess.com today. You ladies are funny!

    Sara’s last blog post..Hum-diddler

  62. As a ninja i am offended by this topic very disrespectful beware of my wrath…

  63. I got fired from being a volunteer once. At an animal shelter. And I’m currently a vet student.

    I guess I get a big fat FAIL.

    I also think it was more of a ‘banning’, since they still get all spooked whenever I show up there and I’m pretty sure I’ve heard whispers about calling cops.

    Which really might have just been about the ninjas. Cause it sounded totally paranoid.

    Saskia’s last blog post..Shoe Size/Penis Size Theory. Denied.

  64. The apostrophy is there. You just can’t see it because it belong to a fucking ninja!!! If you can’t see him how could you tell whether he owns an apostropy or not? Just sayin…

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