Anyone who’s been reading me a long time knows Terry, CancerDiva.  We met through blogging years ago and I was lucky enough to be friends in real life with her as well.  She had terminal cancer and through it all she found the humor in even the most awful parts.  She laughed her ass off at my dumb cancer jokes and she made me a stronger person.  The day she realized the chemo was causing all her hair to fall out she invited friends and family to her hair shaving party, where we all drank champagne and laughed and cried a little together.  In the next year and a half  Terry got worse but we still managed to squeeze in an occassional breakfast date or phone call.  The last time I saw her I was sitting with her at the hospital.  She slept while I wrote, then she woke up and smiled, then threw up, then laughed.  I was all “Oh, never mind.  That’s the usual effect I have on people”.  Her sister, Bev, was generous enough to always keep me in the loop about Terry’s ups and downs and this morning I woke up to an email from Bev that Terry had died in the night. 

For once I’m at a loss for words.  Goodbye Terry.  I’ll hold my family a little closer because of you.

Terry Hayes ~ Rest in peace, sweet friend.

Comment of the day: A beloved friend, Bev died a fortnight ago of cancer. She was teddy bear obsessed, and somehow I got my words switched within this post until i thought you were psychic and also trying to make me cry. Then I realised it’s 2am, and I’m a grief ridden insomniac. I’m so glad you are writing to stop me from eating my fingers off. Especially this. ~ Maddy

114 thoughts on “Terry

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  1. Not sure what else to say other than I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure she appreciated you. I have some friends going through treatment and it is often so hard to support, but they are so strong.

    Good news though, I didn’t throw up reading your blog so maybe you don’t have that affect after all.

    stoneskin’s last blog post..Bruised Anal Glands

  2. Terry had the best attitude toward life and death. Live to the fullest while you can, because life is a temporary condition.

    Rest in peace, dear CancerDiva. You’ll live on in our hearts.

  3. I can’t even begin to know what you’re going through right now, but I can say that she must have been a very wonderful person to have such devoted and caring friends and loved ones by her side. I know that I’ll have to go eventually, but when I do I hope it’s surrounded by so much love.
    Stay strong, lady.

    MonsteRawr’s last blog post..Valentine’s Day, Van Sandt Style

  4. You’re are your best during moments like this, Jenny. Thanks for telling us about Terry — I’m sad to hear the news, but I hope she’s in a better place.

  5. Terry sounds like the best kind of person, which makes her death particularly sad for everyone left behind.

    Hope you find some peace in the wisdom of her life.

  6. I lost my best friend to cancer 11 years ago. Within 6 months of diagnosis she was gone. I have a lot of regrets of things I wished I coulda, shoulda, woulda done for her and with her before she left. It sounds like you and Terry were able to share a lot of time and memories together. This is a gift.

    Deborah Smith’s last blog post..A Love Story

  7. Oh, how sad. I always have difficulty with death and loss, especially when it’s a life cut so short.

    My thoughts are with her loved ones.

    Loralee’s last blog post..

  8. Thank you for sharing the story of your friend. You were lucky to have her in your life — she sounds like a wonderful person. We’ll keep her family and friends in our prayers.

    Cathy’s last blog post..Music

  9. A beloved friend, Bev died a fortnight ago of cancer. She was teddy bear obsessed, and somehow I got my words switched within this post until i thought you were psychic and also trying to make me cry.

    Then I realised it’s 2am, and I’m a grief ridden insomniac. I’m so glad you are writing to stop me from eating my fingers off or so. Especially this.

  10. My mom has been living with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer for over 2 years now. She’s a living miracle, but even miracles get tired. People like her and your friend Terry teach us how life should be lived–in the moment and with true authenticity. You were lucky to have known her, and she was lucky to have known you. Now she’s free of pain but you are left to deal with yours. I’ll help carry some of it for you.

    kendall’s last blog post..Breakfast With a Hottie, But Not the Original Hottie…

  11. Jenny, this is a lovely tribute to a wonderful person. I am sorry you’ve lost her, but like a previous poster, I too believe you’ve now got an amazing guardian angel. Sending hugs…Michelle

  12. I hate cancer, I’m convinced it’s satan (it steals…kills…destroys).

    And even though Terry lost her courageous battle, I can’t help but think of the Swampwitch’s words, “I had cancer but cancer didn’t have me.”

    I think Terry modeled that…she was above it, she didn’t let it defeat her spirit, her heart, her capacity to love and laugh.

    That, the friends and family who love her dearly, those she left behind to grieve a life cut short…those things are a testament to her beauty.


    {{love & hugs to you…I know you’re heart is aching}}

  13. It looks to me like Terry kicked cancer’s ass for a long time and didn’t let it take her dignity or sense of humor. Heaven must have needed a very special angel.


  14. I’m sorry for your loss, darlin’. It is rare to find someone who can handle the good and bad that life dishes out with grace and humour. The world is a little bit less when such a person drifts onward.

    Nils’s last blog post..Allie and Fred

  15. I’m so sorry to read about Terry. She was an amazing person and she will be missed terribly.

    Cancer, no matter what form is a terrible thing. Let us all pray we have a cure very soon.

    My husband’s mother, sister and aunt all died from Breast Cancer and with five daughters I was terrified they would inherit the gene as well. Thankfully my husband isn’t a carrier so my daughters only have the “normal” chance of getting breast or ovarian cancer. But that is still too much of a chance for me.

  16. Jenny,
    Will see you in Houston and if you need what I call a “Shiva Moment” I will hand you a cookie, candy or something sweet to help you mourn. The reason Jews give sweets to people mourning to encourage the sharing of sweet memories and encourage the sharing of sweetness in life ahead.

    Parentopia Devra’s last blog post..Valentine’s Day? Let’s get it done!

  17. Im so sorry. I lost my best friend to colon cancer about 5 years ago. I miss her terribly. It is an evil disease.

  18. I am sure your friendship meant a great deal to Terry, as hers obviously did to you. Humour makes life and death bearable. Sounds like the two of you used it well together. I doubt she’s “resting in peace” though – with her energy and laughter, she’s probably cracking them all up over in Valhalla. Party on, Terry!

    Holly Forrest’s last blog post..We’ll Always Have Paris

  19. My condolences to you. I never met her, but her spirit really came through in her words, and now in the words of her friends and co-workers.

  20. Sorry to hear about your friend Jenny, but it appears she gave you a lot of gifts before she left.

  21. Jenny, you did all the right things. You are both blessed for having known one another.

    I lost my life’s dearest friend a year ago to pancreatic cancer. My heart goes out to you and to all the others who loved her.

  22. I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you were lucky to have her as a friend. And it sounds like she was equally lucky to have you.

    Smiles, hugs, and peaceful thoughts….

  23. Cancer took my best friend from high school a handful of years ago. It took my best friend’s brother two years back now.

    I wish it had a dick I could punch it in.

  24. I didn’t know her but I want to thank you for being her friend to the end. Lots of people disappear when you are faced with a life-threatening disease – they just can’t handle it. My wife is a breast cancer survivor and we have experienced that first-hand.

  25. Jenny, this is a lovely post & I’m sure your friend is smiling down feeling so proud to have known you as a friend — as you CLEARLY were proud to have her in kind. I’m so sorry for your loss & pray you find your way through the grief w/ friends & family to hug you. XoXoXo

    Cheryl’s last blog post..Elliott Bay Water Taxi Start Date Set: April 5

  26. I’m sorry for you and for her family and friends. I believe that when we lose someone our bodies need time to adjust to the loss of those molecules in the universe – sounds kinda new agey-crazy-nuts, but I really do think it’s true. I hope your body recovers quickly from the loss of your friend’s molecules.

    Plano Mom’s last blog post..Happy Hearts Day

  27. Damn it, Jenny, I’m so sorry. We’ll drink to her this summer. Perhaps excessively. Maybe even puke in tribute. I’d be down for that action.

    Love to you, and her.

  28. I am just getting to know Terry as I go through your archived posts. What an amazing woman. I’m so sorry that she’s gone but I’m glad that you had a friend like her. We should all be so lucky.

  29. ah….cancer. HATE IT.
    My heart and love go out to you- having watched my brother die from that horrible disease (right in my arms, i might add) I can say for sure that Cancer sucks.

    Just because we can’t see them, doesn’t mean those we lost aren’t always with us….


    bex’s last blog post..wedding website is live!

  30. My heart goes out to you and all others who have lost a loved one. My sister died of cancer last year, and your post brought back a lot of the wonderful ways in which she refused to give her soul to the nasty, evil illness. Thank you.

    Sari O.’s last blog post..Criticism vs. complaining

  31. I’ve been there. But you do have your memories of a loving and wonderful friend, and that’s something that won’t leave.

    Well, that and a good cocktail. Cheers to Terry!

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