This week on my Sex Column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a humorless asshole):
- Porn for the Blind. It exists, y’all. I am totally not shitting you.
This week on the Houston Chronicle:
- Why you need to know who you’re marketing to. It’s almost as bad as the whole Blair debacle.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-write-but-wish-I did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
39 thoughts on “They’re sort of like re-runs but if you have short-term memory loss they’re practically new. Plus two of them are new today so technically I don’t even know why I have this disclaimer.”
Read comments below or add one.
Awesome! And this has it ALL! Ninjas, jews, blind people, marketers… It’s like a racism/discrimination theme day! With penance! Sweet.
And can I just say, I LOVE the new rerun posts. Now I don’t have to use 4 different tools to keep track of you. They were getting whine-y about it anyway.
Okay, I seriously love the Porn for the Blind site….that is AWESOME. Just awesome. LOVE IT!
Your blog is like a drug , but a drug no one would go to rehab for.
Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..I’m Pregnant!
i don’t know how you do it… must be some sort of magical curler thing going on. is that it? did i find the source of all your power? i knew! IT!
mylittlebecky’s last blog post..pee peezz in the hamper (TMIT)
Technical question of the week [if not the century] I am attempting to update my blogroll on my wordpress blog. It is very painful. I see, and have seen, for approximately 18 months, that you are attempting to do likewise. I have far many better and more compelling excuses than you do but I bet you a dime to a dollar, that I get there first. [Note clever casual usage of American colloquialism.]
p.s. that might be a dare rather than a question.
Maddy’s last blog post..Rhinotillexomania – nose picking
It’s incredibly painful, right? Still, I’ll probably beat you.
I had NO idea that there was a site for porn for blind people! I read chapter books onto tapes for blind kids one summer when I was in college so I already have SOME experience……
Jules’s last blog post..Oh, What a Night (and Day)
I love you. You make my blog reading life so much easier. One tool keeps track of this blog and you lead me to all your other geniusness (totally a word – I decided).
LB @Wait, She Said What?’s last blog post..A woman selling her house threatened to hunt us down and possibly put a curse on us.
I had to do a quick check to make sure you didn’t mean who I was marketing as well, because I’m not marketing to or too anyone, and I was starting to feel doubly inferior. What a relief to know that I’m still a singleton!
Jacquie’s last blog post..life slices
I blame you.
For the reasons why I laugh when no one is around.
For when I laugh when people are around but they aren’t talking about anything funny and I am somewhere in my mind thinking about blind porn.
Or ninjas. Speaking of, I looked at Dr. McNinja..decided there were too many words and read the final thoughts instead. Went back to the beginning to look for black people and instead read the whole comic.
You’re a jerk, for making me read unwillingly. And also distracting me while I am supposed to be running 5 miles for training because apparently I’m doing a half marathon in a month and a half. It’s all your fault and I want you to apologize and then hold me like you mean it..
Porn for the Blind is hilarious!
My 30-year-old boyfriend still covets these audio tapes (like, actual tapes) he and his friends would listen to in high school. They at least feature a breathy woman moaning and describing her escapades. They might be much more beneficial to the blind.
(Of course, I could never get past the fact that the narrator couldn’t pronounce the word “clitoris”… your job is to read porn. Learn how to say the words!)
I have never in my life laughed as hard as I laughed at porn for the blind..I seriously did not believe it was true…Did you just put that site up and make Victor record all of those for proof? LOL
Your Houston Chron post was fantastic! I’m totally renting The Hole this weekend. Me thinks Patty never has sex. I mean, never. Never ever. Because it’s dirty and involves genitals.
Miss Yvonne’s last blog post..What The World Needs Now Is Love. And Also Penis Straws.
“How to Repel Strange Men Who Want to Make Babies With You” – possibly the best title ever.
Sarah’s last blog post..3:18 p.m.
Porn for the blind? SERIOUSLY? Well, I guess they get horny too.
LB @Wait, She Said What?’s last blog post..Does God get all mad when you call His blessing a curse or spell? If so, then I’m screwed!
Porn for the Bling: Certainly one of the greatest acts of humanitarianism. Ever. And, yet, wildly humorous for the sighted. 😉
carpeviam’s last blog post..I got chills, they’re multiplying
Porn for the Bling: AKA Porn for the Blind.
carpeviam’s last blog post..I got chills, they’re multiplying
I was going to look at your “porn for the blind” article, but my husband said he could just give me a demonstration. He is so sweet.
Libby’s last blog post..Hangin’ Tough
Oh, Porn for the Blind just turned my entire day around. My entire week, even.
Between that and seeing people in gorilla suits and bunny suits and doing all sorts of bizarre and surreal shit in public (if you haven’t seen this, check out http://www.oneandother.co.uk — it is absolutely mesmerizing and I am obsessed with it and spend all day at work every day monitoring the happenings and I am so upset that I will not be in London again before it is over) this has not been as terrible of a week as it actually has been.
So you are truly a great humanitarian, is what I’m trying to say.
(have you trained your phone to automatically replace “can’t” with “cunt” yet? I’m waiting…)
Miss B’s last blog post..Spinning
Porn for the Blind… if only they would pay you for it! 🙂
Mandi’s last blog post..Happy Birthday Daddy
I read your Sexis article – too funny! Do you, like, sit around all day and laugh constantly? I imagine you do, because there’s just not enough time to write down every one of your thoughts, and the stuff you don’t write down must still be freaking hilarious!
Lynn from For Love or Funny’s last blog post..Go away
Wow! No disclaimers or apologies needed! You’re like the army – what’s their slogan? We do more before 9:00 a.m. than most people do all day? You pack more great stuff in one post than regular, mortal bloggers pack into 10!
Ungirdled Passion’s last blog post..The Tupperware Party Gene: Dominant in Women, Just Plain Missing In Men
Are you going to San Diego anytime soon?
You are being featured on Five Star Friday!
schmutzie’s last blog post..Grace in Small Things: Part 236 of 365
You might need this, or maybe not if you spend all day listening to Porn for the blind.
Porn for the blind, who knew, but I’m with Victor, a sexy female voice would be better for me.
I wonder if there is a porn for the deaf site too? [/facetious]
Porn for the blind was just what I needed. mucho grassy ass
peedee’s last blog post..shitty fucked up luck lately
I was just wondering…What about Helen Keller type of porn?
Or are we only in favor of assisting the blind jack-off to a monotone dude?
AND IF we did Helen-Keller-type-of-porn-assistance, what would the touching the palm of the
hand to describe what is happening be exactly? I think I found my calling. I’ll let you know.
Rochelle’s last blog post..I will cut you…..
man. I wish I could still swear.
you are grand and make me laugh. your husband sounds as though he disapproves of your sexblog, perhaps we should all pitch in and buy him a present. presents make people forget things.
i wanted to make a suggestion. you commonly site wikipedia, but yet when i checked, there was no wikipedia page dedicated to you. please write your own wikipedia page, it would be eversoentertaining.
also, hurray for you.
Oh LMAO. Porn for the blind was too funny. And I’m a Mormon. So that’s saying something!
Do they get a tax write off for this sort of work? How would you like that on your resume?!
It was too funny. The big sausage pizza delivery. And he keeps clearing his throat and sighing like this is SUCH a burden to have to read. Too good!!!
Gabrielle Valentine’s last blog post..The Abusive Relationship And…My Father. Someone Go Find Dr. Phil, Please.
You should get the volunteer porno readers to do “Bloggess for the Blind” so they can laugh their asses off while they’re getting off at the same time because nothing’s better than sex and laughing, though that would take some amazing listening skeelz…but i hear blind people have that?
I love the way you summed up your week for us here. Very efficient of you! You make me laugh so much. I finally checked out your sex column.
Shoegirl’s last blog post..Can Mexicans Dress?
Please Please PLEASE tell me you listened to the 2girls1cup.com on the PFTB site. Fucking Hysterical. And not just a little bit gross. I bet that guy wishes he were blind after watching that video.
Saskia’s last blog post..CAUTION: Shoots flaming balls. Do not touch hot wood.
Thank you thank you thank you for the link to the Judas thing. I shared it with everyone at work and it made me gleefully happy.
I saw a movie this weekend that you should really review for your Sex Column. It was called “One Eyed Monster” and is about, well here is the synopsis I found on-line.
“In February 2007, ten people went to the remote mountains of Northern California to shoot an adult movie. What happened next was something no one expected, but everyone saw coming. Amber Benson, Charles Napier, and Ron Jeremy star in an homage to “Alien”, “The Thing”, and porn. ”
It is the funniest thing that I have seen in a while. Unfortunately, it was on at a very late hour (go figure) so I did not get to watch it all but it made me think of you. I would love to see your recap and review!
Is that like vigorish?
It is always underlined by my spell checker!
I laughed so hard while reading your sex column article about porn for the blind that I blogged about it.
I just watched..I mean LISTENED..to Porn for the Blind with my fiance and OMG that is freaking hilarious! Although I do feel sorry for the horny blind guys, Matt said he’d be yelling at the screen or sending a nasty email about how “descriptive” and unsatisfying the whole experience was lol
.-= Sarcastica´s last blog ..September =-.