They’re sort of like re-runs but if you have short-term memory loss they’re practically new. Plus two of them are new today so technically I don’t even know why I have this disclaimer.

in Random Crap, weekly reruns

banner

This week on my Sex Column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a humorless asshole):

This week on the Houston Chronicle:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-write-but-wish-I did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

39 thoughts on “They’re sort of like re-runs but if you have short-term memory loss they’re practically new. Plus two of them are new today so technically I don’t even know why I have this disclaimer.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Awesome! And this has it ALL! Ninjas, jews, blind people, marketers… It’s like a racism/discrimination theme day! With penance! Sweet.

    And can I just say, I LOVE the new rerun posts. Now I don’t have to use 4 different tools to keep track of you. They were getting whine-y about it anyway.

  2. Okay, I seriously love the Porn for the Blind site….that is AWESOME. Just awesome. LOVE IT!

    – AnnQ

  5. Technical question of the week [if not the century] I am attempting to update my blogroll on my wordpress blog. It is very painful. I see, and have seen, for approximately 18 months, that you are attempting to do likewise. I have far many better and more compelling excuses than you do but I bet you a dime to a dollar, that I get there first. [Note clever casual usage of American colloquialism.]
    Cheers
    p.s. that might be a dare rather than a question.

    Maddy’s last blog post..Rhinotillexomania – nose picking

  7. I had NO idea that there was a site for porn for blind people! I read chapter books onto tapes for blind kids one summer when I was in college so I already have SOME experience……

    Jules’s last blog post..Oh, What a Night (and Day)

  9. I had to do a quick check to make sure you didn’t mean who I was marketing as well, because I’m not marketing to or too anyone, and I was starting to feel doubly inferior. What a relief to know that I’m still a singleton!

    Jacquie’s last blog post..life slices

  10. I blame you.
    For the reasons why I laugh when no one is around.
    For when I laugh when people are around but they aren’t talking about anything funny and I am somewhere in my mind thinking about blind porn.
    Or ninjas. Speaking of, I looked at Dr. McNinja..decided there were too many words and read the final thoughts instead. Went back to the beginning to look for black people and instead read the whole comic.
    You’re a jerk, for making me read unwillingly. And also distracting me while I am supposed to be running 5 miles for training because apparently I’m doing a half marathon in a month and a half. It’s all your fault and I want you to apologize and then hold me like you mean it..

  11. Porn for the Blind is hilarious!

    My 30-year-old boyfriend still covets these audio tapes (like, actual tapes) he and his friends would listen to in high school. They at least feature a breathy woman moaning and describing her escapades. They might be much more beneficial to the blind.

    (Of course, I could never get past the fact that the narrator couldn’t pronounce the word “clitoris”… your job is to read porn. Learn how to say the words!)

  12. I have never in my life laughed as hard as I laughed at porn for the blind..I seriously did not believe it was true…Did you just put that site up and make Victor record all of those for proof? LOL

  18. I was going to look at your “porn for the blind” article, but my husband said he could just give me a demonstration. He is so sweet.

    Libby’s last blog post..Hangin’ Tough

  19. Oh, Porn for the Blind just turned my entire day around. My entire week, even.

    Between that and seeing people in gorilla suits and bunny suits and doing all sorts of bizarre and surreal shit in public (if you haven’t seen this, check out http://www.oneandother.co.uk — it is absolutely mesmerizing and I am obsessed with it and spend all day at work every day monitoring the happenings and I am so upset that I will not be in London again before it is over) this has not been as terrible of a week as it actually has been.

    So you are truly a great humanitarian, is what I’m trying to say.

    (have you trained your phone to automatically replace “can’t” with “cunt” yet? I’m waiting…)

    Miss B’s last blog post..Spinning

  21. I read your Sexis article – too funny! Do you, like, sit around all day and laugh constantly? I imagine you do, because there’s just not enough time to write down every one of your thoughts, and the stuff you don’t write down must still be freaking hilarious!

    Lynn from For Love or Funny’s last blog post..Go away

  26. Porn for the blind, who knew, but I’m with Victor, a sexy female voice would be better for me.

    I wonder if there is a porn for the deaf site too? [/facetious]

  28. I was just wondering…What about Helen Keller type of porn?
    Or are we only in favor of assisting the blind jack-off to a monotone dude?
    AND IF we did Helen-Keller-type-of-porn-assistance, what would the touching the palm of the
    hand to describe what is happening be exactly? I think I found my calling. I’ll let you know.

    Rochelle’s last blog post..I will cut you…..

  30. hi jenny,

    you are grand and make me laugh. your husband sounds as though he disapproves of your sexblog, perhaps we should all pitch in and buy him a present. presents make people forget things.

    i wanted to make a suggestion. you commonly site wikipedia, but yet when i checked, there was no wikipedia page dedicated to you. please write your own wikipedia page, it would be eversoentertaining.

    also, hurray for you.

  31. Oh LMAO. Porn for the blind was too funny. And I’m a Mormon. So that’s saying something!
    Do they get a tax write off for this sort of work? How would you like that on your resume?!
    It was too funny. The big sausage pizza delivery. And he keeps clearing his throat and sighing like this is SUCH a burden to have to read. Too good!!!

    Gabrielle Valentine’s last blog post..The Abusive Relationship And…My Father. Someone Go Find Dr. Phil, Please.

  32. You should get the volunteer porno readers to do “Bloggess for the Blind” so they can laugh their asses off while they’re getting off at the same time because nothing’s better than sex and laughing, though that would take some amazing listening skeelz…but i hear blind people have that?

  35. Thank you thank you thank you for the link to the Judas thing. I shared it with everyone at work and it made me gleefully happy.

  36. I saw a movie this weekend that you should really review for your Sex Column. It was called “One Eyed Monster” and is about, well here is the synopsis I found on-line.

    “In February 2007, ten people went to the remote mountains of Northern California to shoot an adult movie. What happened next was something no one expected, but everyone saw coming. Amber Benson, Charles Napier, and Ron Jeremy star in an homage to “Alien”, “The Thing”, and porn. ”

    It is the funniest thing that I have seen in a while. Unfortunately, it was on at a very late hour (go figure) so I did not get to watch it all but it made me think of you. I would love to see your recap and review!

  39. I just watched..I mean LISTENED..to Porn for the Blind with my fiance and OMG that is freaking hilarious! Although I do feel sorry for the horny blind guys, Matt said he’d be yelling at the screen or sending a nasty email about how “descriptive” and unsatisfying the whole experience was lol
    .-= Sarcastica´s last blog ..September =-.

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It's like I'm stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

MY INSTAGRAM

This month’s book club picks are fire. For @fantasticstrangelings we have Lucky Red by @claudia.cravens and for @nightmaresfromnowhere we’re sending you Dead Eleven by @jimmyjulianobooks
Advice from Dorothy Barker: Go outside and find the sunset. Touch the grass. Bark at squirrels. Pee aggressively while staring at the neighbors. Eat a bug. The usual.
Instagram makes suggested reels based on old content and I assume most people have beautiful vacation photos or wedding compilations, but this is what they suggested for me.
Sitting in ihop after graduation and “who’s gonna drive you home” comes over the sound system and now I’m lightly weeping into my pancakes but I’M FINE.

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Game Night Kit: All-in-one classic card game kits make the perfect gift, but you’ll want them for yourself, too! Lets skip book club tonight, drink wine & play games instead ~time together is magic!

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Perfectionist Anonymous: Proudly serving unpolished working motherhood, with bipolar depression and hilarity on the side.

Active Voice Productions  made a cool little movie with a role they wanted The Bloggess for but instead got Bonnie Hunt. Seriously. That’s what happened.

Scaredy Cat Travels: Traveling the world with the worst carry-on anxiety.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

The Second: Colleen Burns Durda’s candid memoir about a suburban mom with a side hustle-she’s The Second Coming. Laugh, cry and learn how she copes with her bipolar diagnosis.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

The Family Skeptical Podcast: We’re an atheist couple raising two children – we ask big questions, dissect weird parenting moments, and are jealous that our cats get so much sleep.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: Just read it. Trust me.

%d bloggers like this: