Why I shouldn’t be allowed to go to cocktail parties, part 876

thebloggess

15 years ago

My friend, Laura, on convincing me that I had to go on a girl’s weekend with a bunch of strangers even though I’m socially awkward and have an anxiety disorder: “Just chill out and get packed. I mean, honestly, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”

Me and party hostess, Maggie Mason. She's usually quite lovely.

In her defense, I was just about to tell a joke about abortions and dead puppies so technically she was probably doing me a favor. I always fuck up that punch-line. And this is one of many reasons why you should never invite me to cocktail parties.

Want to see more pictures of strangers at a party? Of course you don’t.

Also, I totally forgot to do my weekly wrap-up because I’m a terrible blogger. So here it is now.

Last week on my sex column (which is satirical and occasionally safe for work if your boss isn’t an asshole):

“GET TO WORK, CHERRY, OR I WILL THROW PEE ON YOU.”

Last week on my mommy blog on the Houston Chronicle:

Creepiest doll in the history of the world.

Last week on shit-I-didn’t-write-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

Comment of the day: Huh. I’ve pictured you in situations like this, but I always assumed that you’d be the one with the cleaver. ~ Evn

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