Happy James Garfield Week

It’s Christmas morning and I’m on the road again, but before the battery dies on my laptop I wanted to wish you all a wonderful Holiday and tell you how much you mean to me.  My life would suck without you.

And in celebration of your awesomeness (and of the horror and beauty of the holidays) I’m sharing one version of the special-edition James Garfield cards with you all.  And yeah, there were several versions because James Garfield is too bad-ass to be confined to just one card.

I love you guys.  Tomorrow it’s back to non-mushy, highly offensive stuff.  Probably about the Pope.  You’ve been warned.

(Front of the card.)
(Inside of the card.)

May your ChrisKwanzaKaRfield be filled with laughter and whatever fetish makes you happiest.  Unless it’s a really gross one.

Okay, fine. The gross ones too.  It is Christmas, after all.

Comment of the day: I love that I totally understood the Mullet Tov.  We Jews, we’re an intuitive bunch. ~JewishCanuck

101 thoughts on “Happy James Garfield Week

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I’m pretty sure I saw him just the other day at Northland Shopping Centre here in Melbourne, Australia. He was wearing a Jim Beam T-Shirt

  2. Merry Christmas Jenny to you and your family [yes, even Victor]. Thank you for brightening our days [and nights…especially when you’ve been watching “Glee”!]. I hope Santa brought you a supremely awesome confidence wig. Happy alcoholidays!

    Get hammered for Jesus because he got nailed for you.

  3. If this is your Christmas card I can hardly wait to see your Valentine! Fantabulous!

  4. Thanks for the laughter, Jenny. So glad I found your blog this year. Merry, merry to you.

  5. I received a James Garfield Christmas card from my daughter and I couldn’t be happier.

  6. Merry Christmas to you too Jenny. Thanks for all you do to make me laugh, make me cry, and gross me out all year long. My life would suck without you, and James Garfield too.
    .-= Sonya´s last blog ..A Christmas Angel =-.

  7. 1) Let me say that James Garfield looks chock full o’ confidence with that wig.

    2) I’ll be your Jewish friend, and would be happy to provide you with proper tidings to your Jewish minions (See below).

    Shanah Tovah! (Which is Happy New Year in Hebrew, and is technically celebrated during the holiday Rosh Hashanah in the Fall, but since most Jews also celebrate the World’s new year, completely acceptable right now. Mazel Tov means good luck, which during this time of year could mean “Good luck not celebrating Christmas, Jews, since your Hanukkah holiday already passed.” Mullet tov, would be “Good mullet”, but I don’t know if all Jews would agree with that sentiment. See how good it would be to have me as a Jewish friend?)
    .-= Theresa Milstein´s last blog ..Not the Same =-.

  8. I think you need better reviewers….I got it right away. Although, molotov did cross my mind, mazel tov fit better in this situation. And I will take fully automatic grenade launchers over molotov cocktails anyday, thank you.

  9. I love that I totally understood the Mullet Tov, we Jews, we’re an intuitive bunch.

  10. Why is your laptop dying? Didn’t you learn anything from your own Coke-taping-to-the-ceiling article?

  11. Thanks to you and James Garfield for making a really good, uh that holiday you said, even better.

  12. This post WAS kind of highly offensive. And on Christmas, too, Wal Mart’s most sacred day of the year. It’s why I love you.

  13. I’m stuck at work today so it was great to see a new blog from you. Happy ChrisKwanzaKaRfield to you and the fam.

  14. Am I the only one that thought Mullet Tov was a tonge in cheek hair style reference thing?
    Happy Holidays everyone!!!

  15. so funny, i read one of the comments as my “wife” would suck without you. and i thought it was really sweet (or hateful) that the husband of someone else would be so appreciative. then, after re-reading, i see that it actually said, my “life” would suck without you. i guess that is pretty sweet too.
    .-= magda´s last blog ..Bah Hum Bug =-.

  16. My James Garfield card is displayed prominently with the rest of our Christmas cards. The strange thing is that my husband has yet to make mention of it, which means that he’s either a) highly unobservant or b) my friends are so weird that it doesn’t phase him.
    Merry Christmas!

  17. Um, i got BAKING trays for Christmas (my mother)
    a cookbook (my step-grandmother-in-law)
    CUPCAKE notecards (grandmother-in-law)
    and a horrifically fringed brown pleather shoulder bag.

    I’m 26 and currently a (married) career girl, not a SAHM. Hm…..

  18. First laugh I’ve had since my daughter finished opening her presents and the holiday family time commenced. Thank you for bringing the Christmas (because I’m too f’ing lazy to type that whole line of bs) spirit back to my life!

    I completely saw Mullet Tov as a play on Mazel Tov. Maybe you just need smarter friends.
    .-= a´s last blog ..Turns out, I’m not as good at complaining as I thought I was =-.

  19. You totally need to lease that card to Hallmark or something- that’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. J.G. just looks awesome, and so very happy!

  20. thanks for making me smile all those times i didn’t think i had it in me.

    totally jealous of your james garfield. so much so, that i tried to get the boyfriend to bring his mounted wild boar into the house from his workshop and hang it above my desk in the office.

    *that* is how much i adore you.

    happy season to you and yours:)

    .-= andrea´s last blog ..so the amount of sleepy time i get is directly connected to my irritability level and with three hours of snooze last night you probably shouldn’t fuck with me today. =-.

  21. Molotov cocktails…..

    New hobby? I think so.

    Anyway, Merry *insert Holiday of choice here* to you as well. I hope it is/was full of joy and craziness and plenty of James Garfield.

    .-= SubatomicTomato´s last blog ..Merry Christmas! =-.

  22. My Honey loved his James Garfield card, which is the version you posted above so I’d like to think it’s your favorite version and only your favorite people received it 😉 Thanks for bringing the awesome for us this Christmas!

    Warmest Wishes from the Great White North!
    .-= Kendall´s last blog ..Seriously Losing My Shit =-.

  23. A very merry to you and yours. Your creative use of James Garfield, the taking on of an awesome new intern, the origin of several new words to use. It has been a magical year.
    .-= Kelly Duffy´s last blog ..Sweet Victory =-.

  24. It’s probably not so much that you need more Jewish friends and more that you need less alcoholic friends. Wait, what am I saying? One can never have too many alcoholic friends. Trust me, I’ve tried.

  25. i didn’t get my card, which is why you didn’t get a handmade godzilla pillow like my boyfriend did. instead you should watch “rubin and ed” (oh shit man, it rhymes, so you HAVE to) because i think you will love it AND i met my boyfriend at it’s premier… when i was 12… and he was 39. we weren’t dating then. sheesh.
    .-= ineedatrustfund´s last blog ..’tis the season =-.

  26. I had the BEST idea for a Christmas card.

    My boys holding Santa hostage with their nerf guns…and on the inside of the card, a ransom note saying Merry Christmas and how to get Santa back…in those cut out hostage note-style letters.

    Your James Garfield card is the coolest I’ve seen in a while. Awesome.
    Thanks for sharing!
    .-= Rhea´s last blog ..I have a strong desire to go build a school in Pakistan =-.

  27. Happy Holidays! I am thinking that a James Garfield 2010 calender is something you should be brainstorming if you aren’t already.

  28. Merry cristmakwanzakarfield to you. I think James Garfield is the luckiest disembodied pig head ever. Certainly the most famous. I hope he doesn’t get all douchey or hooked on the smack or whatever the other hip disembodied animal heads are into these days. I feel the story of James Garfield has really just begun.
    .-= MayoPie´s last blog ..Love me, love my butthole =-.

  29. You know for years I thought they were called Mazel Tov cocktails until I got a really odd and confused look from someone and I thought the other person was going to piss themselves laughing at me and not with me. It really cleared things up for me though as I was under the impression that there were people throwing these things and yelling Mazel Tov.

  30. F to the Y I: “Mazel tov” is Yiddish, as opposed to “Jewish.” Calling a phrase “Jewish” is like saying “Kyrie, eleison; Christe, eleison; Kyrie, eleison” is “Catholic” or “Eastern Orthodox” instead of Greek. SeewhatImean?

    Not to be a know-it-all asshole. Just sayin’.
    .-= Cynical Nymph´s last blog ..Funeral Food, Holiday Food, Food Talk =-.

  31. You need to brush James Garfields teeth. Or so it would seem from this card.
    I totally love his new ‘do’ though.
    Happy holidays!

  32. I totally got it… then again, I was one of the only nine percent Catholic/Christian people in a town of 91% Jewish when I was growing up… and yes, Catholic & Christian had to be lumped together to form the other 9%. No, there were no buhdists or muslims or any other religions. I was from a very sheltered middle upper class upbringing in what my Texan husband refers to as “Yankee-land” Come to think of it, we were considered not only one of the goyim families (non Jews) but one of the poor families (also non Jews). You know, with that kind of upbringing it’s a fucking miracle I could tie my own shoes without servants and now I understand why I’ve been disowned for winding up in the poor country life of southeast Texas. Guess I’m lucky guns are illegal as hell up there.
    .-= Aria’z Ink´s last blog ..Facebook and Universal Timing =-.

  33. I totally got Mullet Tov right away. Could be from years of watching Seinfeld to learn about American pop culture. Happy New Year m’lady!

  34. This comment is worthless, but I have a thing where I need to round 99 up to 100, and so I’m commenting on this entry even though it’s a year old… just to make you have 100 comments.


    I feel better now, carry on.

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