Happy James Garfield Week

It’s Christmas morning and I’m on the road again, but before the battery dies on my laptop I wanted to wish you all a wonderful Holiday and tell you how much you mean to me.  My life would suck without you.

And in celebration of your awesomeness (and of the horror and beauty of the holidays) I’m sharing one version of the special-edition James Garfield cards with you all.  And yeah, there were several versions because James Garfield is too bad-ass to be confined to just one card.

I love you guys.  Tomorrow it’s back to non-mushy, highly offensive stuff.  Probably about the Pope.  You’ve been warned.


(Front of the card.)


(Inside of the card.)

May your ChrisKwanzaKaRfield be filled with laughter and whatever fetish makes you happiest.  Unless it’s a really gross one.

Okay, fine. The gross ones too.  It is Christmas, after all.

Comment of the day: I love that I totally understood the Mullet Tov.  We Jews, we’re an intuitive bunch. ~JewishCanuck

101 replies. read them below or add one

  1. And what a great Christmas present for me, to find another blog post from you. Merry merry!
    .-= Cecily´s last blog ..With the Jelly Roll the Claim =-.

  2. Heya, Jen…Merry Christmas back to you and yours! =D
    .-= Lori “kcgirlgeek” Hutcherson´s last blog ..Christmas Eve Eve’s Sleeping Twister Game =-.

  3. Happy & Merry ChrisKwanzaaKah to you & James Garfield too!

    I freaking LOVE my card, by the way.

    Smooches & Pink Things <3
    .-= WildlyBland´s last blog ..Because Doesn’t Every Christmas Eve Require Therapy? =-.

  4. His smile pleases me. Is it too late to order one of these cards and will you be offering a Valentine’s edition? In my dreams James Garfield is multi-seasonal.
    .-= juliejulie´s last blog ..The One About the Book Deal =-.

  5. Merry Christmas pretty lady.
    .-= Miss Grace´s last blog ..brown paper packages tied up with string =-.

  6. I’m pretty sure I saw him just the other day at Northland Shopping Centre here in Melbourne, Australia. He was wearing a Jim Beam T-Shirt

  7. Have a wonderful holiday of whatever thing you are celebrating!

    Now I’m back to setting up dysfunctional families in The Sims 3 and letting them fight it out. #inthespiritofchristmaseverywhere
    .-= Elizabeth Potts Weinstein´s last blog ..The Truth About Vegas, or What I Did in 2009 =-.

  8. Merry Christmas Jenny! Hope you’re enjoying some eggnog. xoxo
    .-= Rachel´s last blog ..Baby, It’s Cold Outside =-.

  9. Oh, by the way…this was the coolest Christmas card that I got this year. I didn’t get any others, but…I’m pretty sure yours would still be the coolest even if I had. 🙂
    .-= Lori “kcgirlgeek” Hutcherson´s last blog ..Christmas Eve Eve’s Sleeping Twister Game =-.

  10. Merry Christmas Jenny to you and your family [yes, even Victor]. Thank you for brightening our days [and nights…especially when you’ve been watching “Glee”!]. I hope Santa brought you a supremely awesome confidence wig. Happy alcoholidays!

    Get hammered for Jesus because he got nailed for you.

  11. 11
    Vegas Shopper

    If this is your Christmas card I can hardly wait to see your Valentine! Fantabulous!

  12. I swear James Garfield looks so freaking happy to be with you guys. I’ve never seen the head of a dead animal look more content.
    .-= Fairly Odd Mother´s last blog ..Memorial Day: December 22 =-.

  13. happy santa day to you, your family, and james garfield!

  14. This is, without a doubt, the best cross-dressing stuffed boar’s head Christmas card ever.
    .-= Steve´s last blog ..#113 Quantum Santa =-.

  15. I hope you have the MERRIEST of MERRY CHRISTMAS days, Jen. I’m glad to be part of your awesome world. You make MY world awesomer with your wit and wisdom. Peace, happiness and joy to you and your family!
    .-= Les´s last blog ..Best of Blog Challenge 2009 – Gift – Dec 25 =-.

  16. LOVE your blog. Happy whatever to you.

  17. Hands down, the best present I’ve received thus far.

  18. Thanks for the laughter, Jenny. So glad I found your blog this year. Merry, merry to you.

  19. I received a James Garfield Christmas card from my daughter and I couldn’t be happier.

  20. Mullets make every holiday better.

    Enjoy the day with James Garfield 🙂
    .-= beth aka confusedhomemaker´s last blog ..Merry Christmas 2009 =-.

  21. BEST Christmas card EVER!!
    .-= Windsor´s last blog ..Drawings of the Eve =-.

  22. James Garfield is straight up kick ass.

    Merry Christmas to all 🙂
    .-= Amanda´s last blog ..Christmas ornament memories =-.

  23. That’s the one I got! Merry Christmas, Jenny, you’re been one of the good good parts of 2009! Love!

  24. Mr. Garfield looks completely fucking happy.

    merry to you and yours.

  25. my life would suck without you too. but only because james garfield kicks ASS!!!

    but i mean youre cool too.

    Happy Christmas and Merry New Year! (too much rum cake)
    .-= LocoYaya´s last blog ..You Can’t Always Get What You Want… =-.

  26. Merry Christmas! Yay J.G.!
    .-= Jessica´s last blog ..Courtyard Surprise =-.

  27. Merry Christmas!! You are one beautiful, funny friend. That James Garfield is quite the looker, too.

    Also, loved your 12 days of Christmas song/video.

    Have a wonderful holiday!

    .-= Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..We wish you a =-.

  28. MY life would suck without YOU. (and James Garfield.)

    P.S. You need more Jewish friends. 🙂

    .-= aw´s last blog ..The Return of the Cookie Insert =-.

  29. Same to you with bells on Jenny, and thank you for all the fun.
    .-= Pam´s last blog ..Dah dah dah, dah dah dah-dah… =-.

  30. Thanks for the laughs and the permission to indulge in all my fetishes!
    .-= CatLadyLarew´s last blog ..It’s Here! It’s Here! =-.

  31. Oh, and there’s no way my James Garfield card is getting thrown away on Twelfth Night. I’m keeping it FOREVER!
    .-= Pam´s last blog ..Dah dah dah, dah dah dah-dah… =-.

  32. That crazy lady who tackled the pope at mass yesterday WAS you, wasn’t it? I KNEW IT!!!
    .-= Rob´s last blog ..The Jaded Generation =-.

  33. Merry Christmas to you too Jenny. Thanks for all you do to make me laugh, make me cry, and gross me out all year long. My life would suck without you, and James Garfield too.
    .-= Sonya´s last blog ..A Christmas Angel =-.

  34. Mine was truly gross. Be sure to visit my link to this comment and you’ll see what I mean.

    Plus, my dad said his card has some kinda math jargon on it. I won’t see his card till next week…
    .-= tokenblogger´s last blog ..All I got for Christmas… =-.

  35. Darn, now I REALLY want a JG ChrisKwaanzaKah card!

    Blessings to you & yours!

  36. 1) Let me say that James Garfield looks chock full o’ confidence with that wig.

    2) I’ll be your Jewish friend, and would be happy to provide you with proper tidings to your Jewish minions (See below).

    Shanah Tovah! (Which is Happy New Year in Hebrew, and is technically celebrated during the holiday Rosh Hashanah in the Fall, but since most Jews also celebrate the World’s new year, completely acceptable right now. Mazel Tov means good luck, which during this time of year could mean “Good luck not celebrating Christmas, Jews, since your Hanukkah holiday already passed.” Mullet tov, would be “Good mullet”, but I don’t know if all Jews would agree with that sentiment. See how good it would be to have me as a Jewish friend?)
    .-= Theresa Milstein´s last blog ..Not the Same =-.

  37. I love you. I really do. Please don’t call the police. I’m actually quite harmless. Happy ChrisKwaanzaKah!
    .-= melistress´s last blog ..Sparkles Make Everything Better =-.

  38. I think you need better reviewers….I got it right away. Although, molotov did cross my mind, mazel tov fit better in this situation. And I will take fully automatic grenade launchers over molotov cocktails anyday, thank you.

  39. I love that I totally understood the Mullet Tov, we Jews, we’re an intuitive bunch.

  40. LOVE my card! It is the coolest one on the fireplace mantle!
    .-= Pop and Ice´s last blog ..Do the Fondue! =-.

  41. Merry Christmas! James Garfield is very handsome. You are truly a lucky girl.
    .-= Kate @ ParentTrend´s last blog ..Last Minute Gift Ideas =-.

  42. You are da bomb, or the molotov cocktail, or whatever . . . Happy holidays.
    .-= M´s last blog ..Day 4 Southwest Adventure =-.

  43. Merry Christmas and happy egg nog to all!
    .-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Happy Holiday’s Everyone!! =-.

  44. Why is your laptop dying? Didn’t you learn anything from your own Coke-taping-to-the-ceiling article?

  45. Feliz navidad Jenny!!! 😀
    .-= Gromix´s last blog ..Pequeño video instructivo =-.

  46. Has James Garfield thought about becoming a model? or at the very least a movie extra? He seems ready…

    Merry Christmas!
    .-= the hectic eclectic girl´s last blog ..Merry Christmas, Y’all. =-.

  47. Thanks to you and James Garfield for making a really good, uh that holiday you said, even better.

  48. 48
    Art van Delay

    This post WAS kind of highly offensive. And on Christmas, too, Wal Mart’s most sacred day of the year. It’s why I love you.

  49. I’m stuck at work today so it was great to see a new blog from you. Happy ChrisKwanzaKaRfield to you and the fam.

  50. Am I the only one that thought Mullet Tov was a tonge in cheek hair style reference thing?
    Happy Holidays everyone!!!

  51. Is it just me, or does James’ smile look wider?

    Merry Christmas Jenny!

  52. Merry Christmas.
    .-= Ed Adams´s last blog ..I WON! =-.

  53. so funny, i read one of the comments as my “wife” would suck without you. and i thought it was really sweet (or hateful) that the husband of someone else would be so appreciative. then, after re-reading, i see that it actually said, my “life” would suck without you. i guess that is pretty sweet too.
    .-= magda´s last blog ..Bah Hum Bug =-.

  54. A VERY Merry ChrisKwanzaKah to you and yours too!! 😉

  55. My James Garfield card is displayed prominently with the rest of our Christmas cards. The strange thing is that my husband has yet to make mention of it, which means that he’s either a) highly unobservant or b) my friends are so weird that it doesn’t phase him.
    Merry Christmas!

  56. Um, i got BAKING trays for Christmas (my mother)
    a cookbook (my step-grandmother-in-law)
    CUPCAKE notecards (grandmother-in-law)
    and a horrifically fringed brown pleather shoulder bag.

    I’m 26 and currently a (married) career girl, not a SAHM. Hm…..

  57. oops, I just screwed up my blog address… because nothing screams competence like mistyping the name of the site you rant on every freaking day.
    .-= omchelsea´s last blog ..Box me up day. =-.

  58. Dude. I just can’t do this anymore.
    That thing is fucking creepy as hell.
    (Merry Christmas!)
    .-= Kristine´s last blog ..(Unplugged) =-.

  59. First laugh I’ve had since my daughter finished opening her presents and the holiday family time commenced. Thank you for bringing the Christmas (because I’m too f’ing lazy to type that whole line of bs) spirit back to my life!

    I completely saw Mullet Tov as a play on Mazel Tov. Maybe you just need smarter friends.
    .-= a´s last blog ..Turns out, I’m not as good at complaining as I thought I was =-.

  60. You totally need to lease that card to Hallmark or something- that’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. J.G. just looks awesome, and so very happy!

  61. thanks for making me smile all those times i didn’t think i had it in me.

    totally jealous of your james garfield. so much so, that i tried to get the boyfriend to bring his mounted wild boar into the house from his workshop and hang it above my desk in the office.

    *that* is how much i adore you.

    happy season to you and yours:)

    .-= andrea´s last blog ..so the amount of sleepy time i get is directly connected to my irritability level and with three hours of snooze last night you probably shouldn’t fuck with me today. =-.

  62. Molotov cocktails…..

    New hobby? I think so.

    Anyway, Merry *insert Holiday of choice here* to you as well. I hope it is/was full of joy and craziness and plenty of James Garfield.

    .-= SubatomicTomato´s last blog ..Merry Christmas! =-.

  63. I hope that you had a fabulous Christmas! We did, even though we didn’t get to meet James Garfield.
    .-= Lady M´s last blog ..With Love From Our Family to Yours =-.

  64. My Honey loved his James Garfield card, which is the version you posted above so I’d like to think it’s your favorite version and only your favorite people received it 😉 Thanks for bringing the awesome for us this Christmas!

    Warmest Wishes from the Great White North!
    .-= Kendall´s last blog ..Seriously Losing My Shit =-.

  65. I’m not sure what’s sadder:

    That I think you should be hired by Hallmark to design cards for them…

    …or the fact that after four beers I would probably have sex with a woman that looked like your James Garfield.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Merry Christmas…Now, Let Me Tell You about my Penis =-.

  66. My Holidays are now complete. Except for the fetish…still waiting on that one…
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..Is… =-.

  67. I think James Garfield likes his wig. Merry, merry back at cha.
    .-= Edgy Mama´s last blog ..Sumo cat weight loss update and merry! =-.

  68. A very merry to you and yours. Your creative use of James Garfield, the taking on of an awesome new intern, the origin of several new words to use. It has been a magical year.
    .-= Kelly Duffy´s last blog ..Sweet Victory =-.

  69. For once, I am at a loss for words. Fucking brilliance.
    .-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..The Holidays Always Bring Univited Guests. Like Robots From The Future. =-.

  70. James Garfield is a sexy beast and you are too for sending out Chrismukkah cards and helping your friend’s family in their time of need! You rock!
    .-= CherBearBlue´s last blog ..Polka Dot Riesling ~subtitle~ Why finger monsters make everything better =-.

  71. It’s probably not so much that you need more Jewish friends and more that you need less alcoholic friends. Wait, what am I saying? One can never have too many alcoholic friends. Trust me, I’ve tried.

  72. You have made me laugh so much this past year! Thank you so much for your humor and fresh take on life. I’m so glad to have discovered your blog. Happy ChrisKwanzaKaRfield to you, too!
    .-= Jane´s last blog ..Group Hug Through the Bloggysphere =-.

  73. i didn’t get my card, which is why you didn’t get a handmade godzilla pillow like my boyfriend did. instead you should watch “rubin and ed” (oh shit man, it rhymes, so you HAVE to) because i think you will love it AND i met my boyfriend at it’s premier… when i was 12… and he was 39. we weren’t dating then. sheesh.
    .-= ineedatrustfund´s last blog ..’tis the season =-.

  74. I had the BEST idea for a Christmas card.

    My boys holding Santa hostage with their nerf guns…and on the inside of the card, a ransom note saying Merry Christmas and how to get Santa back…in those cut out hostage note-style letters.

    Your James Garfield card is the coolest I’ve seen in a while. Awesome.
    Thanks for sharing!
    .-= Rhea´s last blog ..I have a strong desire to go build a school in Pakistan =-.

  75. I hope you and your family had a lovely Christmas. Life would not be the same without you either. Cheers to a fabulous 2010!
    .-= laanba´s last blog ..Vacation Part 2 =-.

  76. Happy Holidays! I am thinking that a James Garfield 2010 calender is something you should be brainstorming if you aren’t already.

  77. Did JG always have that tongue?
    .-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..HO HO HO…Secret Santa Can Suck It! =-.

  78. That card made total sense to me. Molotov cocktails are totally appropriate for the holidays…depending on where you live and your political affiliations. Naturally.

    You know I saw the Pope last year at Yankee Stadium. He blessed me with drops of the holy water and it burned…
    .-= Erika from The Pastry Chef At Home´s last blog ..Chocolate Chestnut Cake from The Greatest Cooking Show of Our Time =-.

  79. I’m not jewish, but I got it!
    Merry ChrisKwanzaKaRfield to you…cuz mine was filled with in-laws and out-law.
    .-= Paula´s last blog ..School Pictures 2009 =-.

  80. My God, James Garfield is one sexy mo’ fo.
    .-= califmom´s last blog ..Decisions You Have To Make For Yourself, And They Suck =-.

  81. Merry cristmakwanzakarfield to you. I think James Garfield is the luckiest disembodied pig head ever. Certainly the most famous. I hope he doesn’t get all douchey or hooked on the smack or whatever the other hip disembodied animal heads are into these days. I feel the story of James Garfield has really just begun.
    .-= MayoPie´s last blog ..Love me, love my butthole =-.

  82. I LOVE James Garfield’s picture for the card. He is the personification of the Holiday Season… Joy, Love and Weight Gain … Oh, and the mullett is absolutely the best look for him!
    Enjoy your travels, or is it travails?
    .-= Dawn´s last blog ..I just love the Great Pumpkin… Oh, Wrong Holiday… =-.

  83. Happy Holidays to you and your family too! I haven’t been a fan for long, but I am a huge fan nonetheless. =)
    .-= Marianne´s last blog ..Screw You… I Mean… Merry Christmas Momma =-.

  84. 84
    Kevin MacNutt

    You know for years I thought they were called Mazel Tov cocktails until I got a really odd and confused look from someone and I thought the other person was going to piss themselves laughing at me and not with me. It really cleared things up for me though as I was under the impression that there were people throwing these things and yelling Mazel Tov.

  85. F to the Y I: “Mazel tov” is Yiddish, as opposed to “Jewish.” Calling a phrase “Jewish” is like saying “Kyrie, eleison; Christe, eleison; Kyrie, eleison” is “Catholic” or “Eastern Orthodox” instead of Greek. SeewhatImean?

    Not to be a know-it-all asshole. Just sayin’.
    .-= Cynical Nymph´s last blog ..Funeral Food, Holiday Food, Food Talk =-.

  86. I totally followed which Tov you were referring to. Love ya and hope your holidays were as awesome as you are!
    .-= Marie´s last blog ..facial hair =-.

  87. Mazel tov is Hebrew. Just sayin’.
    .-= Theresa Milstein´s last blog ..Laundry and Other Responsibilities =-.

  88. Merry Christmas to you – and all that other fun stuff. Thank you for always making me smile, laugh and put things into super cool perspective. You rock!
    .-= Laura Cococcia´s last blog ..Book Review: The World According To Garp =-.

  89. I totally got the play on Jewish words – I was with you Bloggess…

    I guess that means I am part of the cult.

    Which by the way, I’d be a member of if either YOU or Sarah Silverman was the leader – Although Sarah is f*cking Matt Damon.
    .-= Deidre´s last blog ..and then after that we..um…hm…what did we do? =-.

  90. You need to brush James Garfields teeth. Or so it would seem from this card.
    I totally love his new ‘do’ though.
    Happy holidays!

  91. Maybe you just need more friends that aren’t… Well…. DUMB!

    How obvious was the Mullet tov joke? I mean, come ON!

    Merry Christmas and stuff!
    .-= Kevin´s last blog ..I Just Haven’t Met You Yet =-.

  92. I totally got it… then again, I was one of the only nine percent Catholic/Christian people in a town of 91% Jewish when I was growing up… and yes, Catholic & Christian had to be lumped together to form the other 9%. No, there were no buhdists or muslims or any other religions. I was from a very sheltered middle upper class upbringing in what my Texan husband refers to as “Yankee-land” Come to think of it, we were considered not only one of the goyim families (non Jews) but one of the poor families (also non Jews). You know, with that kind of upbringing it’s a fucking miracle I could tie my own shoes without servants and now I understand why I’ve been disowned for winding up in the poor country life of southeast Texas. Guess I’m lucky guns are illegal as hell up there.
    .-= Aria’z Ink´s last blog ..Facebook and Universal Timing =-.

  93. Holy f*ck I’m the comment of the day. I’m famoooooooos!

  94. I wonder what it says about me that I totally understood Mullet Tov but I am not Jewish? Maybe I have too many Jewish friends? Wow, that sounded rude. I meant maybe I have a lot, but never enough, Jewish friends.
    .-= Dani´s last blog ..Slipping, Sliding and Spinning Our Way Into Christmas =-.

  95. Thank you for making me cry tears of joy.
    .-= Rachel´s last blog ..Queer Eyes for a Walmart Shopper =-.

  96. I totally understood Mullet Tov, and I’m not even a Jew. This is why you and me and Intern Nicole should be BFFs. Not because I’m not a Jew, but because we’re frikkin awesome.
    .-= Mel´s last blog ..mel_anonymously: @alexandriacadyh yay! My preordered copy was shipped yesterday. =-.

  97. You might need to get a new wig, because now that I have seen James Garfield in it, I won’t be able to look at you in it the same way. It will be you, but I will be seeing him.
    .-= nonlineargirl´s last blog ..Totally different from being a Jew for Jesus =-.

  98. You were the first person I thought of when I read this: Woman Claims She Was Struck by Falling Moose Head http://tinyurl.com/ydhpjo7. Are you and JG suitably insured?
    .-= feefifoto´s last blog ..Hallelujah — Something Completely Different For Christmas =-.

  99. I totally got Mullet Tov right away. Could be from years of watching Seinfeld to learn about American pop culture. Happy New Year m’lady!

  100. This comment is worthless, but I have a thing where I need to round 99 up to 100, and so I’m commenting on this entry even though it’s a year old… just to make you have 100 comments.


    I feel better now, carry on.

  101. 101
    Lady Penelope

    101 !

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