The most baffling compliment I’ve gotten this week:
Good to know.
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This month’s book club picks are fire. For @fantasticstrangelings we have Lucky Red by @claudia.cravens and for @nightmaresfromnowhere we’re sending you Dead Eleven by @jimmyjulianobooks
Advice from Dorothy Barker: Go outside and find the sunset. Touch the grass. Bark at squirrels. Pee aggressively while staring at the neighbors. Eat a bug. The usual.
Instagram makes suggested reels based on old content and I assume most people have beautiful vacation photos or wedding compilations, but this is what they suggested for me.
Sitting in ihop after graduation and “who’s gonna drive you home” comes over the sound system and now I’m lightly weeping into my pancakes but I’M FINE.
ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:
I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:
Bloody horses are never trustworthy. They want everyone to be as bloody as they are, which probbly isn’t healthy for anyone.
Not to take away from this lovely compliment, but honestly, I think it would sort of depend on the issue.
The thing is, I bet you and the Bloody Horse totally have the same answers.
Rather depends on what one’s asking about, wouldn’t you think?
God told me some interesting things about you yesterday. which I have scheduled to publish in my Sunday column. He drew me a picture of you, too. I’ll censor all the best parts. God won’t mind.
I read this with the British meaning of “bloody”, and suddenly the juxtaposition made a little more sense to me.
Zak, I think I think you’re right, but the Bloody Horse would have less yelling at Victor and fewer cute pictures of Hailey, so it’s still probably better to come to The Bloggess, because she won’t stain your shoes.
But what about the times when you just want to ask the Blo?
your blog post never fails to make me laugh hehehe
thanks for sharing…
keep on writing… 🙂
Things that make ya go hmmmmmmmm??
I don’t know. I’ve never been steered wrong by The Bloody Horse… yet… The Bloggess? Well.. We all know she just consults with TBH anyway. I know this because The Bloody Horse told me. And it always tells the truth. It’s in the Bible. Look it up.
Ah yes, The Bloody Horse is a reference to the people of an ancient land. They were a noble crowd of nags, nabobs and ne’er do wells who were nomadic in nature. The Bloody Horse was their Oracle, the man they went to when questions and doubt plagued their lives.
Legend has it that when you made the mistake of upsetting the tribal leaders you would wake up with a horse’s head in your bed, not all that unlike the Godfather.
The horse should be flattered.
I tried asking the Bloody Horse, but most of the replies seemed to do with a clean stall and sugar cubes.
Stupid Bloody Horse.
I get the same suggestions… I don’t get why that horse is getting so much importance. 😐
I would totally come to you for advice before consulting a bloody horse. Probably.
Wait, does this mean you are a bio hazard?
“Ask the Blo” makes me think of The Princess Bride scene where Max is claiming he heard different words than true love.
I”m not sure why.
But then, I’m not sure of a lot of things.
Like why do bird suddenly appear?
Especially every time you are near?
I’m just not sure.
Better a Bloody Horse than a Bloody Arse.
You know, funny accents really don’t translate in written word, do they? Even less funny if you actually heard me say that.
I dunno. I’ve found The Bloody Horse to be startlingly helpful, except on the topic of which glue is best to sniff. Apparently glue is something of a sore subject for horses.
If you as a bloody horse, the conversation doesn’t usually get past “hay”. I’ve tried. All they want is hay.
Hmmm…I’d like to know which “bloody” the bloody horse is.
Is someone querying a livestock-horror movie oracle here, or is it an exasperated British farmer?
You need to put these things in context. Do we have colored caro syrup and screeching strings while someone with a knife is praying at a gothic altar chanting, “Ask the bloody horse….ask the bloody horse….” Or is someone from the cast of Monty Python dressed like Mr. Green Jeans hopping up and down in front of another member of the cast dressed in a floral frock while shouting, “I don’t know, why don’t you ask the bloody horse?”
Funny! You’re like one of those 8 ball-prediction-thingys! 🙂
Haha, that’s pretty awesome. I wonder what you could Google to get my blog..? 😛
If the bloody horse was Mr. Ed, he could be really helpful. Though I think I’d still prefer you. Mr. Ed would never recommend hobo fingers for a phone stylus.
–>I want to know who ChiaLynn was really trying to ask.
Ask the BloWFISH?
Ask the BloOMING ONION?
I would never have found you had I not been googling “ask the bloody horse.” Thanks, google!
That Google is a funny thing. Also I’d rather ask you too…I’ve found your Zombie advice to be invaluable!
Now I’m trying to come up with some really good questions to ask the bloody horse.
The last time I asked the Bloody Horse, I was all “Damn, I totally should have asked The Bloggess.”
Bloody horses make me think of Dark Horse which makes me think of Neil Patrick Harris and how badly I want to have a slumber party with him and the cast of Glee. *sigh*
Google wasn’t referring to that unfortunate horse in The Godfather I hope.
I’d rather ask you too, because that Bloody Horse is always fucking PMSing. And sure, her advice is sound, but she’s such a BITCH about giving it!
Just a hunch, but I’m pretty sure the horse would be in no mood to answer questions anyway.
I’m sorry, I’m still stuck wondering who the hell Blo is and what ChaiLynn was trying to ask her in the first place. But yeah, it’s always good to be chosen over a bloody horse.
I’d never ask a horse *anything*. They’re way too cocky.
go straight to the (bloody) source
and ask the (bloody) horse
he’ll give you the answer that you (bloody well) endorse
he’s always on a (bloody) course…
Honestly, now that we’ve brought him up, I really just want to ask the Bloody Horse why he’s bloody. We don’t have time for those shenanigans, HORSE.
Gregg’s answer rocks!
I’m wondering — is it actually a exsanguinating horse, or just another way of saying “ask the damned horse”? Because I think it makes a difference…
So, I guess I’m the only person who thinks The Bloody Horse would be a great name for a pub.
I just want to know where the horse’s blood is coming from, then I can make an informed decision on who to ask.
why is the horse bloody? or is it British slang? that damn, bloody horse!
He just keeps telling me “nay”. Not very helpful.
I dunno. Does the bloody horse have a good animal trapping guy? Can he tell me where to get confidence wigs? And most importantly, has he ever be-dazzled a vibrator?
Nah, I’m good here.
Hey, look, my friend @ChiaLynn is famous!!!
Imagine the answers The Bloody Horse would give you.
But if the Horse is Bloody, does that mean he is from England or a case of bad farm conditions?
oh, that BLOODY horse! dispensing advice AGAIN !
Freaking bloody horses always trying to steal your thunder, they wouldn’t be bloody if they hadn’t rubbed off their unicorn horns.
Damn bloody horses, they think they know everything!
You know you’ve succeeded when people choose you over a bloody horse. Bloody horses are pretty amazing, with all the being a horse and having all that blood.
I also thought you might like to know that I have serious bathroom anxieties at work. Our flush doesn’t work very well, so sometimes you have to flush several times just to get the paper down. I always worry that someone is outside waiting to use the bathroom and they’ll be thinking to themselves that I must have digestive problems because I flush so much. It makes going to the bathroom stressful. Now you know.
I want to hear more about this “Ask the Bloody Horse” game. I’m intrigued. It sounds sort of Godfather-ish. The bloody horse head, the wedding day where you can ask anything of the Godfather.
Why is the horse covered in blood? Did the horse prove to be great competition and you got stabby? Should I be asking the horse too, to get both sides of the story? I think I’m confusing myself now.
…oh, the horse isn’t actually covered in blood. And horses can’t type. Never mind… it’s been a strange day. It would be more believable if it was a bloody unicorn anyway. They use unicorns in factories to poke holes in CDs – true story. It’s in Bansky’s intro for The Simpsons.
P.S. Horses are assholes anyway. You never hear of people being thrown off or trampled by unicorns.
The Ask The Bloody Horse party game is a little gross, but at least it’s better than Spin The Bloody Horse’s Head.
You always get the same answer from a horse. “Nay.” And a bloody horse is gross. So bloody horses make you sick AND make you feel rejected. SCREW YOU, HORSE! Just because you’re bleeding doesn’t mean you have be all Negative Nancy.
Well of course I would ask you. You would problemly know WHY the horse is bleeding.
Ha!
Knowing how lazy some people are when it comes to spelling, just be glad you’re not “The Countess”.
You are WAY better than asking a horse for advice!! I am totally with Chia Lynn on that one.
I’m just concerned that the next step after asking the Bloody Horse is asking the Bloody Ass and I’m just not ready to go there. Will stick with asking our Bloggess!
You would think a Bloody Horse would have other things on his mind besides answering random questions from the interwebs. You know, such as, why am I bleeding? How do I make it stop? Why won’t someone help me since I don’t have thumbs. Things like that.
It’s a bloody, damn horse because the best you can ever get from a horse are hoof beats: once for ‘yes’, twice for ‘no’. Quite aggravating if it’s not a yes/no question.
I asked the Bloody horse but he didn’t have much to say for himself.
Probably because he was dead. You know, from all that bleeding.
What kind of answers does a bloody horse give?
I’ll bet that Bloody Horse is a real nag.
The Bloggess, on the other hand, is like a magical unicorn.
~EdT.
You know, I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I believe it might be the punchline of an Irish/British/Scottish joke. “Well, we ended up going from Kilkenny to Lambeth instead of to Tunbridge Wells.” “Why’d you do that, then?” (said with an accent, of course.) “Ask the bloody horse.” Ahhh haa haa haa!
I don’t know.
If you wanna ride, don’t ride the bloody horse. Just sayin’.
The crazy thing is when I typed in, “How to ask for blo,” you came up too. I don’t know what to make of that. Google has us all penned up in such strange boxes.
Damn bloody horse- could be a strange reference to Elmer’s Glue.
That’s an English horse if it’s prefaced with “bloody”.
Bloody horses tend to have a limited world view, putting themselves first. Same thing with gangrene horses and ADD-affected donkeys. Good thing she chose you!
Being that we are a Web TV Channel for pet lovers…we would ask you both and administer first aid for the horse. If you needed first aid we would administer as well. But, for the most part, we think that’s why wine slushies exist.
Have a great day.
Maybe the search meant to say that it’s the same whether the words come from your mouth or the horse’s mouth.. So, Jenny = Bloody horse, right?!
Now, I am going to do some serious talk, thanks for the comments on Wendy’s blog, she can have all the support that she can get and let me tell you something girl, apart from being silly, nasty, cruel, bitchy, narsiccistic, snappy, a work hazard(can’t imagine opening your site on my work computer), you are also BRAVE!
Absolutely can’t wait to hear more of your BSing! 😉
Rachana
the funny thing is, now when you search for “ask the blo”, it comes up with this comment from your blog:
MonsteRawr October 13, 2010 at 10:14 am
I’d rather ask you too, because that Bloody Horse is always fucking PMSing. And sure, her advice is sound, but she’s such a BITCH about giving it!
hilarious. 🙂
I asked the Bloody Horse and he said to ask again later.
whenever i try to look up the weather and start typing such into my address bar, your site is what it always suggests. i dont know why.
bafflingly what? did you mean baffling?
After inadvertently being caught in a Zombie Crawl last year in Denver, I am kind of wondering if the Bloody Horse is not headed to such an event. I mean, those “pretend” zombies had blood smeared all over them. Maybe the horse is just headed to a zombie party. Or maybe all those people and The Bloody Horse are actual zombies.
I’m not sure how I feel about the Bloody Horse…if the horse is covered in someone else’s blood, then it probably gives pretty badass advice. If the horse is bleeding…well…that’s just unfortunate.
I’d actually probably want to ask the bloody horse, only because it would mean I’d be in the original Godfather movie, which means I’d be famous, and rich, and not stuck in this hellhole of a life.
But I love you more, Jenny. Obviously.
Would a bloody horse be dying or in heat? I figured I should ask you.
Well it is October, maybe asking The Bloody Horse might be a fun Halloween-ish game..? I’m grasping to make sense of it..
The Bloody Horse may be available and is not suffering from PMS…
OH GOD! I ALMOST PEE’D!
CAPSLOCK ABSOLUTELY NECCESSARY
And forget about looking the Bloody Horse in the mouth. No gifts of laughter and wisdom such as you give us, Your Bloggess…